Toni and Ryan - CONFESSION: The Worst Place To Get Dumped

Episode Date: May 4, 2026

Dumping confessions - Top Olivia's - Toni's awkward book moment - love ya!!!!!NASA - https://science.nasa.gov/mission/landsat/outreach/your-name-in-landsat/Sign up to Patreon Here - www.patreon.com/ToniandRyanFAQ and T&C's PODCASTAWAY - www.toniandryan.com.au/podcastawayVideo for this EP is available on YOUTUBECheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I once got dumped halfway through a burrito. Oh. I felt my life falling apart. And then I see this bit of guacamole. Oh. Hi, it's Emily from Brisbane, Australia. I'm Maglinson from Honolulu. Hi, I'm Mitch and this is William.

And we're from... You are Louis-Otoria. And I'm a pretty podcast. Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. This is Dr. Author, bestselling Dr. Author Tony Lodge. My name is Ryan. Welcome to the show. Thanks for being here.

Now, TARP, is anyone that listens or takes part in the pod is a tarpa. That stands for Tony and Ryan podcast. Stance. Stance for. That's what it stands for. That's what stands for. And what we stand for is immaculate voices like I was just doing. Stains for!

You go. No, you're fine. I agree. People have sent through some confessions. and these two are so specific and so similar. It's just crazy that it's happened to two different people within our community of legends. Is it also like, because I don't know what these are. I don't know the topic or anything, but last week I said,

hey, confessions don't always have to be bad. Are they still a bad one? Yeah, but they don't include anything getting stuck in anyone's assholes. Or a big poo or in here. Yeah, so there's no ass, there's no poo. So I'd say it's a step up. It's not quite. We're not all the way there.

Yeah, but we've made a move. Amazing. I got dumped in a McDonald's car park whilst eating fries. Isn't that tough? But you've already got something to console you. They went through together. I'd gone through the drive-thru like we always did. Large fries, Coke.

We parked up the top like a normal night. Then he got that serious look on his face and said, we should see other people. You can't do that, like, doing a thing that you always do together. And then as he said that, he was just like, and then, you know, ate a few more chips. What a fucking serial killer. I just sat there holding a chip trying to work out if he was breaking up with me in a McDonald's car park or if this was like some weird joke.

But no, while I was having my heart broken, this man reached into the bag and grabbed another handful of my fries like he hadn't just already ruined my week. Like, oh, we're just having a chat. What's the topic of discussion? Me dumping you. Anyway, just want to pass me that's what you're house. Oh, well, normally I would eat your chips. Yeah, but normally you haven't just broken up with me.

Yeah. No apology, no tears. Just him calmly chewing on my large fries. Oh. I snatched the fries back. So she's like... I would too. That's fair.

She snatched the fries back. That's a good move. And said, can you please drop me home? Also the power move of you being the driver. You're driving. No, I don't like that. I don't like that at all. No.

Someone's trusted you there. Yeah. And she's like, give me the fries. Grabbs the bag. Goes drop me home. Yeah, that what an asshole. Right. Now, I see this story and I go, that's what an asshole.

And because don't you think as well, like if you're, say you're sitting in the, you've gone through the Macon's drive-thru or whatever and you're sitting in the car, and you're having a bit of a D&M and it leads to a breakup. Yeah, I know. That feels a bit different, but you've parked up and he's gone, all right. So here's the thing. He knew. Yeah.

Premeditated. I tell you what is great to see. Thank you. When there's two teenagers, like of age to drive, obviously. And you just assume they're both living at home. Oh, yeah. And so it's like, well, where is our, you know, just the two of us? Yeah.

And you hang out in the car all the time. Yeah. you see them parked at the Macca's drive-thru and you go, you wouldn't split a McFlurry before you split me. Would you just, fuck yeah. We used to do that all the time. Like,

not even just in a sex way, but like, yeah. Like with friends, like you would go and you would sit in the drive, like in the car park. Yeah. Good times.

Because it was just the only place where you could hang out and, yeah, your parents weren't there or whatever. Aren't they just the best times though? They were the best. Until you get dumped. Yeah. So I was thinking like,

surely. this is like a one-off this isn't like a thing that's happening but then so I go through the confessions because I went fucking that sounds like a new person new story

I once got dumped halfway through a burrito oh terrible time we were sitting in the car sharing chips and guack when he gave like an awful sigh like about you know when you've got to bring something up and you're like

look yeah yeah look and as soon as he he took that breast she's like oh fuck me what's got you know we've got the well i'm about to receive bad news whether it's that you're breaking up with me or something's gone on he said i know we have fun together but i just don't see how we work in the future that's that's rough and then takes another bite of the chip is the food is the food as someone who has historically never broken up with anyone, I've only ever been dumped. Only a dumpy, not a dumper. But for people that have dumped,

is it like that the food feels like a bit of an icebreaker because there's something, you're not just sitting there in awkward silence? Like, there's something still to do? Like, would that be? Is that why? It's still awkward as fuck. Like, it doesn't matter if you're,

I think it's more awkward because then you're halfway through a meal. Also, like, in the car, breaking up with someone in the car, you can't like face each other. You're kind of like doing the like moving on the steering wheel or whatever. You're not like you want to be face to face and like. I think it's because maybe just it's the only place where it's just the two of us to have a conversation. There's no where else would we be?

Yeah. He said he doesn't we doesn't see how we work in the future. And as he said that, I felt my life falling apart and then I see this bit of grueling. guacamole, like, full and kind of, it's like on his chin. And she's like, no, you won that then. I'm trying to be. Food on your face. I'm trying to be serious and I'm like, my world is turning upside down.

But all I can see is this chunk of avocado that's staring at me. And she's like, I know this is a serious conversation, but you've, you've got, there's just a little. And it would just make you mad. So mad. Like you would just be like, and you've got food on your face. What are we doing here? I just sat there stunned, staring at the avocado holding half a burrito. He asked if I wanted the last chip.

Like, oh, let me down easy. Well, it's the fucking leash you can do. Surely. I've just thought of the worst place to get, to have this conversation, to get dumped or dumped for someone. Korean barbecue. You can't take that. Well, because like, oh, I think. that we should break up but like oh i've just got to turn the meat over because it's gonna it's

gonna get over done really soon or they come over and they go did you want us to change your hot plate out and you go yeah like i think that would be a really because it's it's high admin there's too much going on question without notice and it's still food related but let like you've actually maybe Korean barbecue is your nomination i think that's my answer yeah okay I will raise you. Yeah. Thank you. Have you been to...

Rainforest Cafe. At a Japanese restaurant where they're cooking at the table. Oh, like, Teppaniaki. Yeah. But like, it's just you and the person dumping you. And there's just like a chef there. And the chef is there. Oh, my God.

And he's right. And he's just like... And again, you're next to each other, not across from each other. So you're like, Oh, but he's listening in and he just has to like pretend that like, oh, did you want a bit of extra assault or something? I don't know. That would be worse for the chef.

So much worse. Yeah. Can you imagine how awkward that would be? We, Torbs and I went to Tepeniaci one. We've only ever been one. It's pretty expensive. We've only ever been once. And it was like a kind of fancy date night. And we went and it was like a lot of people's fancy date night.

And there was just this couple next to us just kissing the whole time. how old were they um not that it matters because i probably our age like how old were we at the time oh like 28 or you know 30s that's not 16 though is it no and i i i like i don't know whether they like just got engaged or just got married or son i don't know but it was like um it was really uncomfortable and like it wasn't like pashing the whole time but like like, oh, like, it was like giggling. And it was like, I bet they were having a great time. But it was just like, oh, it's very clear that you're just like,

can't get enough of each other. But I feel like, if you're in a private booth or something, like, it's not for me. But like, sure, but that we were sitting next to them. And did that turn you off, you, tuna? Didn't really. But, like, you just felt like you couldn't talk because you didn't want to interrupt. Like, you know when. Sorry, it's not going to interrupt you guys making.

out if me and my boyfriend talked to each other. If we just had a conversation about, you know, the, like the food that we're, because the food was amazing. It was, it was, I think it's called silks. Yep. At, um, Crown. Like, it's like a Temanaki place at Crown. So, yeah, it was like, have you been there?

I have actually been to that one. Yeah. And it's, yeah, it is really romantic. Were you the other man, child? Are you making it at with time? Charles, from your experience, is that the kind of place you'd want to make out with someone at dinner? Absolutely not.

Except I have been to like Teppaniaki. in Fiji and it was like at a resort and it was just like there was two of us and so like with that I could see it there but like not in a group setting but the chef's still there yeah but like they're off doing stuff and they walk away to like go get new meat and stuff a cheeky a cheeky kiss when people have walked off different this was like non-stop like pecking and nuzzling and giggling and it was just really like they were bit handsy and towards oh my god like sleigh you love each other we get it but it was just it yeah before we sneak off to the UK and Ireland yeah I'm gonna take bridge out for a sexy dinner yeah and I'm gonna try and smooch her in a restaurant I mean you have to

be somewhere where you're sitting side by side so you don't lean over lean over yeah and burn my neck on a candle yeah okay jimmy to babysit would you yeah I look at after Maple. Yeah, she's not going to say that. I'm like, do you want me

to babysit? You're like, oh, she's going to hate that. I'm like, oh, okay. No,

I was going to say her mom, getting smooched by dad, but she loves that. I go, hey, Maves, watch this.

Dad loves mom. Watch. then I'm smooch, mom. And Bridget's like, get off me. And I'm like, hey,

she loves it. Beautiful. And Mabel goes, mom, dad loves you. Oh, like at school? And Bridget goes,

you love him. And Bridge goes, I know. Oh, so everything okay at home? It's for me. Just think Bridge's a little disappointed. He asked if I wanted the last chip. I took the burrito instead, got out of the car and walked home. Oh, no, you take that burrito, close the door,

throw it against his fucking windscreen so that he have to clean that off his car and then fucking get an Uber. On his account. What was that maneuver that people used to do at Mac is? Was it the Molotov cocktail? Oh, the fire. in the hole was the fire in the hole i don't know what you're talking about so and this is a fucking dumb-cunt stupid kid move but like you'd order a thick shaker or a mcflurry and they'd yell out like

fire in the hole like it was a grenade and just like lob it back into the oh through the drive-thru window or it's like in the thing but just like lob it back into the kitchen and then the kids would like run off and be punks oh i've never heard of that and i'm so glad that is so great did you do that No. Well, first of all, no. But second of all, I don't like wasting food. Like, there's no way. He threw that pen into the fan, though?

No, I don't want to see it. I can't watch it. I think I want to see it. To that cash man who has no food combat experience. You have your hood lids off. Just yeated at him and drive away. No. It's actually the quantities move.

I just don't know why you would. Oh, that's pissing. When I think of annoying pranks I did, I always was like trying to be funny. And often... What do you think that is? But that's it. I don't just, I don't think it's that funny. I think it's just mean.

No, but this is the thing, is that like people's barometers, like, they think that's funny because they've, like, done something that's, like, edgy or whatever? I just think that all that stuff, I just don't, I don't get it. What I will accept is if this guy's driving off on this girl and she lobs the barrenes. back into the car. Yeah. I will accept that. Nah,

that's why I would do the windscreen. Yeah. The burrito on the windscreen, guacamole everywhere. Yeah. And a burrito's like $24 now. So like... Are you fucking joking me?

Yeah, like if you go to GYG, it's like 20 bucks. Charles sent me... Like, it's expensive. You know how we... This is going to sound like the nerdiest thing ever. You know how we've all started following that new wave accounting Instagram page? And it's like how much money.

do you reckon a yochie store makes? I don't know the Instagram you're talking about, but... No, remember we're talking about the yogi store the other day. Oh, I didn't know it was a new wave accounting Instagram. I haven't followed. It's just like keeps popping up because I interacted. But basically it's like this many yochies per hour, this is probably what they... And then Charles sent me a GYG one.

He goes, I think we should open a GYG. Oh my gosh. Yeah, they would do so well. They make more money than a yochie store. Yeah, the yotee was underwhelming the amount of money they made. Yeah. So it sounds like you're into the new way. It sounds like you're into the new wave accounting.

Yeah, we hate pranks and we love accounting. Hi, I'm Mitch and this is William. Hi, it's Emily from Brisbane, Australia. I'm Matt Gleeson from Honolulu. And you're listening to Tony Road. A massive shout-out to all of our friends over in our Patreon, our champion tarpers. Dreadstaff, good on you dread Steph. Olivia Albert.

I love the name Olivia. Was Olivia's still top of our list for most common girls' names of 2025? Charles, can you send from over there? Oh, do I take them down? I didn't put them back up. But it is a beautiful name. What if we urgently need that information? Like right now.

Name your three favourite Olivia's. Olivia Rodrigo. Yep. Olivia, our accountant. Yep. And. Olivia Coleman. What a great.

Great Olivia. One of the best. Charles, you look like you had an Olivia on the tip of your tongue? Olivia Dean. Oh. I watched a podcast, YouTube thing, and she was talking about, like, writing.

Like, it's just her about her writing process for an hour. And I didn't get any takeaways, but just her talking about her craft was just like, marry me. She just sounds so relaxed and calm and, like, in control, but never like. In control. She just seems like she has great personal direction. Yeah. You know what?

I'm so sorry. I think I'm going to change Olivia Rodrigo to Olivia Dane. No. I know, Charles. I'm so sorry, but I think I have to. I'll tell her. Yeah, don't. Charles has met Olivia.

When we're in the UK, can we get Olivia Dean on the show? Oh, easy. Yeah, sort of done. I'll just text her now. Selina and Gov. Good on you, Selena. Banji the Duff. Uppah.

Tamara O'Brien, good on you, Tamara. Up there is Banji's brother. Up the stuff. Tamara O'Brien. Good on your Tim. Good on your Tim. Ta, Ta,

Tamara, O'Brien. Oh, Tamara, O'Brien. Yeah. We got there. Marty goose. Good on you, Marty goose. That's a goose sound.

Rockster Graham. Rockster, hello. Kate McIntosh and Clint Cosgrove Taylor. Oh my gosh. Beautiful stuff. Thank you very much for being part of our Patreon. Did you mention a Graham or a Lucas? Or Roxta Graham?

Yeah. So last week I mentioned that Lucas Graham isn't a guy. It's a band. Yeah, it turns out that's his name as well. You've just had such strong opinions about that for like a long time. That's crazy. Not an opinion, just incorrect fact. No, but you've like brought it up.

Can we Google that Lucas Graham? You've brought it up a few times, Ben. like God. It's a pop band. It's not a person's name. Oh, well, fuck that person on YouTube. Thanks for watching. Like, these are the people in the band.

None of them are Lucas Graham. No. Click on Lucas Forchhammer. It might be his middle name. It's not. No. He doesn't have a middle name. Graham is the middle name of his father.

Oh, shut the fuck up. Oh, so a bit of both. I think that that that fact could be miscarriage. Struth. Also, I didn't include this yesterday in the Monday mail bag. Okay. But a lot of people upset about when we talked about 3% of YouTube shorts

viewed on TV screens. Oh yeah. They were upset because... This is a safe space. Why are you adding me? I love watching YouTube shorts on the TV screen, blah, blah, blah. Like a lot of people got held offensive. Guess how many?

How many? About 3%. That's... I should have said that coming. Like if you had to guess. I didn't know whether you were going down that route or like, it must be more than 3% because there was a lot of people saying stuff. The 3% is making themselves heard though.

I just, it's a safe place. Don't at me like that. You can watch wherever you want. I just think it sounds terrible. Oh, because of it. Is it? No, no, no, not like audio sound. Like, it just sounds like a bad idea.

It's like, it's not enjoyable. And for a while, actually, if you tried to click a short on YouTube, it said like you can't view it on your TV. Like they've changed that, I think, but that was like a year ago. I'm going to make a bold prediction. Okay. I reckon in the next 10 years, we're going to have TV screens mounted on our walls that are vertical for this purpose.

Because if that many people are watching shorts on a TV screen, eventually someone's going to go, well, I mean, but you already can do it. No, but if it's. It'll be like common place. Like you wouldn't go, that's weird. Like if you walked into someone's house now,

you'd be like, quick question. Your TV's the wrong way. Your TV's on sidebase. Yeah. But I think the thing about viewing shorts is that you want to like, you want to flick it. It's a phone job.

So agree. And I'm not saying I want it. I'm just, I'm changing your story about. I just think we'll see it. I think it'll be not strange. Maybe. Or maybe they'll be like,

because you know how when you mount a TV on the wall, maybe there'll be a. thing where like some of them turn. Oh, that makes way more sense. Like, it won't be mounted vertically. Like you push a button and it goes, and it just goes, there are a few that, like, have been like a CES and stuff. It's like a demo of like, this is what could be the future.

Yeah, like I would see that, but I don't think permanently, because for the most part, if you were watching any TV, I just think that TVs are going to be gone. I don't think that, I don't think that, I don't think, TVs are back. No, I don't think that I think less and less people will have a TV. Because I think most people just watch. like on their laptop or iPad or whatever. I reckon not because we're seeing that people are watching YouTube and stuff on their TVs.

Yeah, I, I reckon. Television, nay. I think. The television screen. Yay. But I reckon because what people are watching on their TV is things like YouTube or Netflix or whatever that you can access from your like where the TV was born from the fact that it was like plugged in and the antenna was plugged in and whatever. I reckon.

And I think people are moving away from it as like a design. for a design purposes as well. I, uh, I'm liking even more having a projector. Because then when you're not watching, it can just go back up and like just be a regular thing. Or you can move the projector to a different room. I fucking hate them.

How come? Oh, they look shit. Nah, there's some really good ones now. Yeah, but people don't have a really good one. No, but you can get really cheap. That's what I mean the tech's got to catch up. Yeah, nah. That'll be the real death.

When they make fucking sick ones that are affordable, that'll be the end of TV. that I don't know that they will ever be. Because I've watched shit on a great project like in people's like cinema rooms and stuff. But like. Because we were going to do it at our house. But because we don't have like curtains in the lounge, they're like, oh, during the day. You can't use it. Yeah.

So there's ones now that you can put like on the like your TV, your walls here and you can put like on your like table. Yeah. And it will flick right up. Really good quality. And you could have the windows open sun coming in and it looks like it looks better than the TV. That's huge. Yeah. I don't know.

Tony's old school though. She's a traditionalist. Yeah, I like a TV. We would never not have a TV in our house. Yep. Yep. Because even if we're not watching TV, like there's always, like I'll always have music on or like recently I've been listening to heaps of podcasts and I've been having them on the TV. Yep.

And then as I move around the house or whatever. Spotify or something or just playing through the TV. Yeah, or like playing like through YouTube. Yeah. Like we do. we have. Yeah. And a shout out to everyone doing that with us right now. Like, which is, you know, what you're saying like, oh, people are doing our stuff on their TV, but I reckon, I reckon, yeah, TV. And maybe the projector is what to replace it. But I just reckon people are

like, because you don't need, like, free to air. Hmm. Now, but when, you know, when someone comes over, if you've got a group of people and you're going to watch something, you're not going to watch it on your, like, phone or laptop. But also, that just might not be what you would do with a group of friends anyone like a certain like not everybody would do that like I would a lot oh like for the boys like come around watch the game tonight or basketball's on like come around and watch but there are lots of people that that wouldn't be part of their life yeah like they would just never invite people over to watch a movie or watch sport or whatever what are people doing instead reading I don't know actually I have been reading heaps um and I was saying

to you guys the other day that I reckon in the last month, like since when we were in, when I got back from Sweden and we went to Fiji, I've read like 10 books since then. Fuck. Which is a lot for me. Like I've never read that much. Like are you just in the zone of,

like are you reading quicker or are you just churning a man? I think I'm just remembering it's like an option. Yeah. And so instead of sitting and scrolling on my phone, I'm like reading. Yeah. Especially at night. Like I'll go to bed early.

and read in bed instead of just like sitting on the couch and fucking around. Do you want to give a hot review of anything you've read recently? Or any recommendations for the... While I was in Fiji, I read three books in three... Like I read a book a day and they were the house-made ones. Yeah. Which I really liked. I think I've talked about them.

And then the ones that I've been reading recently, I've put away all of her books in the past, yeah, like a couple of weeks. Abby Jimenez and it's kind of like, it's good. trash like there's trigger warnings in the beginning of the book being like we talk about this we talk about this but like everyone has a happy ending like the trigger warning but like it's actually great because I can't handle feeling shit at the moment I'm just like no I just want good trash it feels good everyone's happy in the end and like it actually is just kind of nice to be like oh I'm not going to finish this book and feel like despondent not know what to do in my life so it's

actually been really lovely. and her books that, yeah, they're good trash, but they all kind of weave in together like one of the books will mention a character from one of the earlier books. And if you hadn't read the earlier one, it doesn't really matter. But if you do, you kind of go, oh, I see the connection there.

And they all have one to one and a half sexy chapters. So it'll be like they're kind of edging on the, you know, like, oh, they don't like each other. they don't get along. So, sorry, as someone who's not a read, it's not like a sexy paragraph. No, it's like. A sexy page. No.

It is a sexy chapter. So it'll be like a few pages kind of finally explaining them getting to it. But there's lots of smutty books where that is like there's that, like there's a lot of sex through it. But the Abbehimnas ones, they have one to one and a half sex scenes. Like that's the, there might be one where they kind of are about to do it. someone will walk in and you know and you kind of go oh but then you know it's coming but all of them like clockwork have just like one slutty bit in them yeah and uh so i've been taking my kindle out with me and the other day i actually went and got my colonoscopy results don't have cancer

shout out um so exciting i have to have another colonoscopy in a year but that's fine yep no cancer cancer thank you um and i was like doctor's appointment They're going to be running late. I'll take my Kindle with me. So I'm not just, I'll just sit there and scroll on my phone and feel shit. So I take my book in. I walk in and, um,

there's six chairs in, it's quite a small office. There's six chairs and there's five people already sitting there. Because there's like three doctors that work out of the one colonoscopy office. That, or gastroenterologist office. Chair to doctor ratio is not correct. Yeah.

And so there's six chairs. five people and they're like like these chairs we're sitting on to do the podcast maybe a bit narrower but like butted up next to it right up like so you kind of got to have your like arms tucked it's like it's close like a plane yeah fuck like it's tight yeah and of course there's three people and then one on either side and then one gap in the middle yeah and I'm like great so I like oh sorry oh sorry and I sit down in this little nook next to these people it's fucking and 1 30 p.m. And I sit there and I put my phone in my pocket and I grab my Kindle out.

Love that. And I'm like, oh my God, I'm such a good person. Yeah. I'm sitting here reading. You're all scrolling on your iPads and huge font, the old people at the place. I'm sitting here reading like, what an excellent person and part of the community. I start reading and she's fucking running late. Like I reckon I.

A doctor? I know. Running late. Remember when I said to you like, I'll be back soon and we can have that meeting. that meeting. Tony's like, I just got to run to the doctor. If they're on time, we speed up. And I said, I'll actually stop you right there.

That's not going to happen. I'll just see you when I see. No, I just want to stop for a second on you being better than everyone else. Thank you so much. I'm saying that. Do you think it's like when you see something, someone reading in public, is it like, ooh, mysterious girl, move your body next to my. Do you know that song?

Yeah, I do. Yeah. I do. I actually was reading in a... I was reading... Mysterious Tony. Peter Andre loves your butt. Oh, thank you.

Well, I was at the butt doctor, so that worked out. Yeah. I was reading actually in a restaurant the other night. I was waiting for you. Yep. And I'd gotten there early and I was like,

I'll sit here and read my book for 10 minutes, whatever. And the waiter... Oh, okay, so I did look very mysterious. Mysterious girl. Because it was kind of a... It was a sexy place. Sexy restaurant.

And the waiter comes over. And he's like, what are you reading? And I was just like, oh, I don't know what it's called. And he was like, oh. Have you checked the cover? Well, because on the Kindle, it doesn't, like, you don't have the thing. And he's like, oh, what are you reading? And I was like, oh, it's just like kind of like trashy romance.

He's like, oh, what's it about? And I was like, too. Like, I just was like, oh, it's just like. books? Oh, no, the questions weren't unfair, but I was just like, fuck,

I don't know how to answer you. Guess what song he was singing? Do it again. Mysterious girl. She's in the restaurant reading books. Anyway, but so, like,

I'm in the doctor surgery. She's running like, that's fine. I can just sit here and like, I lock in. I am surrounded by people and I'm holding my Kindle like this. And lo and behold, I get to the sexy part of the book.

So I'm sitting there and I'm just like, should I stop reading? Like, it actually felt like a bit inappropriate. Like. Where would you rank it compared to when a sex scene comes on and you're watching it on a plane? Is it, but is it the same feeling? Yeah. Like, oh, I'm in public. This feels kind of illegal.

And like, because it's. I'm thinking. about rubbing my purse and there's an old guy next to me reading about grapefruit juice on his oversized text phone. And it's sexy. I get it. I'm like reading this thing that's pretty sexy. Give an example of a sentence just to set the scene for me. Oh, well, the, it was, I actually don't know if I can, but it's like, they were like,

they're kissing on the lawn at the front of someone's house, like, where they're staying. Was it a cooch grass or? Huh? What type of grass was it? I don't know. And they're like, kicking. And she's like, I felt his erection jab into me kind of thing. And I was just like, oh my God.

Like it's happening. Oh, no. Like a terrible timing, this book. And so I didn't know whether I should stop reading or whether I should power through. I felt so naughty. Oh, my God. I felt real. And I started to blush.

Yeah. And then I felt like, because I'm, kind of. I felt like the pussy flutters a little bit because I'm reading this really horny thing. Like it's just. just biology, isn't it? Anyway, and so then I felt like rude because I was reading something so, like, suggestive. Felt his erection spike me in the thighs.

Yeah. It was a lot. Not, uh, it tells you exactly what's going on there. Yeah. And it's, and then they're like, oh, um, a kiss that I'd thought about for all this. And it was, it's just really deep. Like, the books are really good. They're just like, a really easy.

you saying this now. I'm feeling all fluttering. I know and I feel so, like I'm not very, like, ah, anyway, and so I'm reading this thing and I'm just like,

and then I started getting like quite hot and I'm like, oh my God, like the aircon's not on. Like I just got so overwhelmed. Is it allowed? I don't think so. Like,

is it not allowed? Like, should I have gone, oh, that's for home time. I've now reached it, like, I think, should I've cut myself off?

I thought you about to say, should I have come. Oh, I did. No. Just to get it out of his system. Yeah, just, you know, knock one out. I think you should pretend you've got an FHM magazine. You know that old school like.

Zoo. Yeah, Zoo Weekly where it's just hot girls and bikinis. Yeah. And think, would I feel weird about reading this? 1,000%. Because people can see the cover. But like, if that's, if it's not the place for that, then it's not the place for the sexy book either.

Because so. Going back to the point about the restaurant where he goes, what's the book called? I went, I don't know. With the Kindle, you feel like quite invisible because you can't. Like if I was sitting there with a book like this and it was called Horny Toads Fuel Erections on the lawn, I'd go, oh, well, I'm not going to take that into the doctor's surgery. Yeah. But when no one knows whether it's that or whether it's, you know, anything else.

do you when you're... I just felt like so embarrassed. But when you're on, if you're on the train or you see someone else with a Kindle, are you now going, are you reading some sexy shit? Like are you guessing? Are you making assumptions? Are people looking at you going, oh, she's totally fucking... The thing that I would definitely do is like throw an eye over.

Yeah. And what, all I could imagine happening was the old man reading about the grapefruit, throwing an eye over and just seeing like throbbing. clitoris written on my Kindle and he's like, who is this depraved sludge? The word throbbing, you could have given that old fucking guy a heart attack. I know. And so then I felt, so I'll tell you what I, so I'm holding my Kindle, it'll be like, like holding my phone.

Yeah. And then I just kind of went like, like tilted it away. Yeah. But then old Nora on the left hand side, she could, so, oh. Oh, she'd Nora down. She would. Oh. And then I just couldn't.

And then I was like, who's this for? So I'm kind of, I kind of start holding my, like, shielding the sides like this. And then I was like, if you're trying that hard to make it happen, should you just give up? Yeah. Should you just give up? What are you going to do? Sit there and not read? Like a not, whoa.

Not mysterious girl. Yeah, that sounds awful. Yeah. So I kept reading. I just powered through. I was like, well, fucking whatever. Who cares? But I did feel really naughty.

And did they do it? Did they? Like she felt it stabbing into his leg on the lawn. But did they take it inside or they do it on the lawn? No. So then they get caught at that point. But then they fuck just a bit after that. Yeah.

What are you laughing out over there, Charles? Just this whole conversation? Yeah. Is getting caught on the lawn like a bit like, oh, they caught us? Um. So it was her mom. Oh. And the, like, unrelatable?

Yeah. I'm like, I'll keep going. What's wrong? Yeah. Isn't she dead? Oh, it's not me. It's not about me. That's weird.

And then they, yes, they stop, but then they fuck soon after that. So. After they've both had gastro. Oh. Are you sure you haven't your colonoscopy stories in the... Mixed up with the reality? My doctor notes were in there. Yeah.

And as she glanced to him and said, are you getting enough fiber? Yeah. You know. Yeah. We did have to cut off some of your hemorrhoids, but I can feel your throbbing erection on the lawn. That is not a sentence. It was the craziest situation.

So do I have to read with caution? What are other people doing reading smutty books? I need to ask a question. Question. There is a difference. I know. I understand between adult literature, smuddy books and like adult video that we were discussing a few weeks ago.

Oh, yeah. But I don't really know where on the line it ranks. But not from the public point of view, but I'm like, after reading a hot and heavy scene, do you need to like... Well, yeah, I mean, I would have rather... You know what I mean? Read it at home. So you could... Yeah.

Well, what else are we doing? Yeah. You know? Standing here at full mask, like a fucking loser. You know? But like... So then I'm like, well, you're not going to... Are you?

No, no. Well, I didn't. I didn't. Obviously. I was in the doctor service. Yeah, I was going to go to the bathroom, doc. No, no, no, no. And then I went in there and had my...

The doctor would be in a minute. Appointment. How long do you reckon I've got? I'm good at this because I... No, I just, I, no, I obviously did not. And then I came back to work and we were doing stuff. And then... No, I was here with you, you feel.

So when we went cruising after that... Yeah. You're telling me that you got all revved up at the doctor's office. Got a little lady stalk on. Mm. Blued yourself. Came back and then we hung out for a few hours and you said, still hadn't like,

nah. The female body is amazing. Oh my God. I'm a strong girl. I'm a pioneer. Well, I think the answer is if you feel uncomfortable, then that is the answer.

Totally. But if you're just like, no one else is seeing it. But you don't, we also don't know that. Yeah. See. I reckon old Lion will sit next year.

And Nora on the other side. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because it was just, it was close quarters, you know? Yeah.

But it's funny though, because the doctor surgery is the ultimate place to take a book. because you do fucking sit there for ages. You do, yeah. Like you are stuck in one spot just for X amount of time. New challenge. Challenge. Let's get a book where, what was the title you called it before of the fictional book?

The two horny toads with the erection on the lawn. Let's print that. No. And the game is, you know, like, how loud can you say penis in public? Yeah. The game is where is between you and I who can sit in the most. I'm not doing. doing that.

Because I lived it already and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and without a cover. And that was bad enough. You're sitting there in the food court at Northland with a horny lady on the lawn, penis stabbing or whatever it's called. Yeah. And just see the looks as people walk past. Oh my God. No, I just, I, and I just felt so awkward.

Because I'm not that like, you know, I'm not really, I, yeah. How to not masturbate in the food court at Northland. At Northland. He's the name of the book. Yeah. And then you're sitting there at Northland being like, God, they got a book for everything. Finally, I feel represented.

I've got her. You love to see it. Amazing. And first of all, a happy birthday last week to my beautiful daughter, Mabel. Yeah, a big three-year-old, big girl. And when Tony came over, what did she show you in her room? Her big girl bed? She has a big girl bed.

She no longer has a cot. Yep. In fact, a friend of a friend of a tarpa is now using that cot. Oh my God. It's been, because someone came around to the house from the mum economy. Yep. To get like a pillow or something.

And they went, oh, you know, and go, yeah, we're getting a big girl, and they went, oh,

does that mean you're getting rid of the cotton? I was like, actually, yeah, give us two months and come back. And so, yeah, that's awesome.

Yeah, but my life to see it. And how good that then you don't have to get rid of, like, oh, that's already lined up. Oh, someone's going to get some good use out of that.

Yeah. Like I've said on a few, like I don't like wasting stuff. No, totally. Drawing stuff out, it gives me the irrites for some reason. But also, but with furniture, often if you go, oh, we've got, we just don't have the space for it. You just end up fucking it off. Yeah.

So it's nice that someone else would get like a. So shout out to Casey. Enjoy that. Thanks, Casey. But my love to see it is Aunt Toddy came around, saw the big girl bed, but then the present that Aunt Toddy, she didn't buy for Mabel. She made for Mabel because Mabel loves Winnie. the poo at the moment. So what did you make? I made all of the Winnie the Pooh characters out of felt. Yep. And then I wove her a little basket and all the characters were in there. And Bridget was

almost in tears because she said that was so beautiful that you, A, knew that that was her favourite show at the moment. And then she goes, where did you buy these from? And didn't you love that question? Well, I was like, oh, I made them. And she was like, no way. Where'd you buy these? Tern he goes, I actually made them. And then Bridget- I didn't say it in a side way. No, you're proud. Because you're And you should be because they're adorable. And then this morning, um, uh,

spoiler alert, there was a bit of a, you know, a bit of a morning in the house today. And one of the things that like brought us back around. I was like, Hey, girlfriend.

Why don't we just go in your room, you and me will just chill for a bit and just have a little reset. And then we get in there and she goes, oh, this is she got a little, because Tony made a basket for all the stuff. Mabel brought the basket over and we sat there and she's like, I'm like,

oh, what's that? And she goes, oh, Aunt Tony got me there. See it's the pig. She loves the pig lot one. Yes. Yeah. Love the people.

She's like, this is poo. She goes, this is donkey. I'm like, what do we call him? And she's like, yo. Love that. There was a question about the rabbit that didn't make an appearance. And I was like,

my. Sorry. Yeah. I was like, you see what Toddy? And she's like, where's the rabbit? And I was like, you're ungrateful. But my love to see it is Tony crafted and made from scratch, Mayville's presence.

And it was beautiful. And she's absolutely loving it. So thank you for being the greatest. that a little Mabel could have. Well, I just love her. Yeah, and she loved you too. Oh, I'm glad that she likes them. Sorry about the rabbit.

Maybe next year. I was, um, I did actually, I did also, like, run into some time limits because it, oh, sorry, I only spent four days on your present, Mabel. It took a lot long time. I thought it was going to take. But that's okay. It was worth it.

Kids cut you down. Yeah. Oh, these are so great. Where's the rabbit? Yeah, what about the other one? You stupid. Oh, okay. Sorry, mate.

I'm so sorry. I'm like bowing to her like this. Oh, so sorry. Oh, and a shout out to Miss Noble Melbourne. Yeah. That cake is amazing. Yeah, she made her birthday cake as well. Oh, that's so sweet.

Yep. I mean, I can't beat that you love to see it because it's about me. But I do have quite a sweet, wholesome. You love to see it. Please. I feel like after the last 10 minutes we need it. Sorry. Yeah.

It's really sweet. So I saw this Instagram reel and it was this guy saying that on the NASA website now, They have this thing where they show you your name in the earth. And we can put the link in the description and stuff so you can go. And so if you type your own name into this like search engine, they show you your name like in different parts of earth. I've got them. I got them here.

So I did my own name. And it shows like a T in nature and an O in nature and an N and an I. And they're like satellite. photos that they take around the earth. That's amazing. If you go to the next one, Charles. So it teased a bit of a river, then it looks a bit of Area 51 on the end,

which is cool. So there's Ryan. In a tributaries. In tributaries, yeah. They actually, I'll be honest, on the big screen where we've got them now, they don't look at, like they look a bit better when they're smaller

because you can make the letters out a bit better. No, I can say, no, that's incredible. Isn't it so cool? And Charles, the last one. Tony and Ryan. That is amazing. Isn't it so cool?

We'll put the link up. And they've used two different ends. Yeah, like I think that they've got three. Three. And that's a different T to the T that was in my first one and stuff. Should we print that out and put it on the wall somewhere? It's pretty cool, eh? It's actually, how cool is technology?

Technology gets a bad rat, but there's some fucking good sides to it sometimes and that's fucking cool. I thought that was really cool. And they're like, someone's going. through that and be like, oh, that looks like an R. That looks like a whatever. But you, yeah, you can, it's literally a search engine and all you do, you just type your name in and it pops up straight away. It's so fucking cool.

Now, when you just said someone's gone through to find it, I've gone, fuck, of course they have, because that's where we're here. And this isn't a dis on what's happened, but I was, my first question was going to be, were they high as fuck? Because were you ever like, whoa, that looks like an air. You're laying on the grass, looking at the clouds. Go, can you see that kind of like a puppy dog over there? I can see it.

But who came up with this idea? It's just so beautiful. It's also cool. Like when you're on the website, it, like, told you, like, where it is from.

So it gives you the, like, little, um, Hey, one's in reservoir. What? No,

it was not. Oh, no, it's in our reservoir in Manakugan. Um, but yeah, it's so cool, eh?

And so you can type in any name, any word, whatever. Can we type out a name that is the J-Lo and Pit Bull song where they go, Brazil, da-da, and Ibiza. You know that song I'm talking about?

Yeah. Because as we were going through those, it was kind of the same places. Brazil, Morocco, London to Ibiza, straight to L.A. New York, Vegas, Africa, Vegas and Africa. Yeah. Yeah, I feel like that's what it. So click on the things again.

So that's from the UAE. And then Manacugugan Reservoir. It doesn't say where that is. Oh, one in Brazil. and Morocco Brazil, Morocco London to Ibiza Anyway, I thought that was so cool

Can you type in Tony and Torbs? You can't do spaces you've got to do Yeah, because it's four names That's good Can I do it as like one? Yeah, yeah That's how I did Tony and Ryan as well Oh, the B's cute

Oh, that S is a bit of a fucking piss tape That S is a piss tape Oh, the last one Yeah Nah. Yeah. I like the A on the and in that one.

But so there's lots of different versions of... Or Tobstonian Pippa. Oh, Pippa has two peas. That's okay. Type in Mabel. Yeah, do Mabel. I like the animations as well as this website. Oh, that's a pretty one.

Download that one, Charles. Do Charles. Look at that R. Look at that E. That's a good S. Charles, do Chi-Chi. Oh. Oh, that's good.

They've used different C8is and eyes on both. That first eye kind of looks like a vagina. What one looks like a vagina? The first eye. Oh, yeah. My whispering eye. I like the second eye. I think that's a sick one.

Oh, yeah. So you can, hours of fun with your friends, like right now. But I thought it'd be really good for kids. I thought it's just like a real cute. What's the website? We'll pop the, it's like if you Google NASA names. Your name in Lansat. Your name in Lansat.

Come on, guys. Yeah, I know. The SEO's not great. You've got all that great technology. Can you get a guy and say, what's a clean name? Yeah. Just, yeah. Anyway, but you can Google it, but we've put the link in.

I thought it'd be good for teachers in a classroom. So fun. You go through and do everyone's name or whatever. Or the name of your school or the class dog. We're doing. Yes. Because we're doing Kinder Tours and stuff at the moment.

Yeah. This primary school down the road has a dog. Like, it's the dog of the school. I love that. Do you remember at school when a dog would get in? Oh, the greatest day. Oh my God.

Crazy. There's a dog in us go! There's a dog on the Oval. Everyone start running. A dog on the Oval, that's crazy. Yeah. And how come we were just allowed to run there? I don't think we were.

I think we just did because what are you going to do, not run? Not go? Yeah. There's a dog on the Oval. That's crazy. I reckon I haven't been. that happy again in my whole life. Because the thrill of that is crazy.

Okay, if we don't want to do the thing where we hold up the book in the Northland. Yeah. Okay. Different plan. Okay. This one sounds nice. You go get Pippa. Yep.

I'll go get Brun. Yep. And we'll do the primary school circuit this afternoon around the area. And we just let Pippa out. And just give the kids the best day of their fucking life. And I reckon we could knock over four schools in one afternoon. I reckon. They might.

Word might get around and we might. not be able to go anymore. Yeah. I reckon we'll get four until word gets around. Yeah. Oh, sorry for making these kids fucking day. My apologies trying to spread joy. Sorry for bringing joy to the children.

Yeah. Lock me up and throw away the key for bringing smiles to children. Sorry that my dog wants to make you happy. Yeah. Sorry. That's a great idea. That is a great idea. That is really fun.

It's a victimless crime. I think it's just fun, isn't it? Yeah. Which school should we go to first? I don't know the names of any schools. I tell you the thing I've, for the 10 years I did radio, the most trouble I've ever got in. In Canberra, for some reason, I don't know if it was like a thing around the world, but like, remember when like scary clowns were like back in for a few weeks?

Yes. Yeah. I was at uni at the time. And these guys used to wait in the car park. Yeah. And so. It was so fucked. It was so scary.

But all these kids were just like scared of clowns because I don't know if there was like movie out or just it was Halloween but just it was like yeah I remember the thing you're talking about and so came out what it because it was the red balloon as well oh okay yeah and so I we came out of the eight o'clock news and coming up you know we've got the the pop quiz for a thousand dollars and we're doing this thing blah blah blah and then I said and after 830 I've got a list of primary schools where the clown has said they're going to go to today so I'm going to read that out And so that you can, like, know that they're... We got to know which schools are probably going to get a clown today.

Like, you were trying to warn them. Yeah. No, you weren't trying to warn them. Oh, but I was like, I don't know. That's just like, oh, there's crazy clowns on the loose heart. Oh, I see. And it was before I got serious. I was just like, oh, and coming up.

Oh, we know where they're going. I know where the clowns are going. So I'll let you know. And like, there's some on the list from Belcunun and some from Gungarland. And I've got the full list coming up. Yeah. The fucking whole town when I'm, into a fucking meltdown because everyone's kid listening on the radio's gone that's my school yeah

oh like we have to keep listening and i was like hooking you through um and then but so much trouble because every parent called up and went what the fuck is that idiot doing yeah that is fair and now that you're a parent are you like actually probably fair enough oh i was just like well obviously there's no fucking killer clowns on the loose so how real could this be oh but it was scary though I mean, even when you just mentioned it, I said, oh, they did it at Whopper and it was really scary. Yeah, and I just was like, oh, like, it just felt silly. Yeah, but then, like, I mean, yeah. Pranks?

That sounds prank adjacent. It was prank adjacent. And I'm, I'm a reformed prank style. You've learned the error in your ways. But I literally, like, hooked it through and then I, like, read out a list of primary schools going here's where the clowns are probably going to be today. No, see, when I gave. I really gave you the benefit of the doubt because I was like, you were trying to foil their plan. plans and warn them, but you weren't.

That's okay. I was just saying here's where some are and here's where they aren't. But I thought that you were performing like a, hey, they've fucking posted on Facebook this where they're going to be. If they're like just, you know, but that's not what you're doing. They said they're going to all school so everyone stay home for the day. Yeah, snow day. All right.

So are we in for the dogs? No. Oh. Love you. See you tomorrow. Boy. Bye.