Toni and Ryan - CONFESSION: The Worst Place To Listen To A Sexy Audiobook

Episode Date: May 18, 2026

Certified Guinness pourers - CONFESSIONS - Haircut in Dublin - love ya!!!!!TONI'S YLTSI https://youtu.be/DXNIS3OahfkSign up to Patreon Here - www.patreon.com/ToniandRyanFAQ and T&C's PODCASTAWAY - www.toniandryan.com.au/podcastawayVideo for this EP is available on YOUTUBECheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Graphic extreme filth. I was biting my lip and gripping the wheel. Oh. Hi, I'm Anna from Derbyshire in the UK. Hi, I'm Terry from the islandland. I'm Nick from Gunnar. And I improve this podcast. Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast.

This is Tony Lodge, Dr. Best Selling author. We're doing it yet. We're not doing it yet. Oh, good. What? The roll call. And I'm Ryan. And just to go around the Airbnb here in

Dublin. Yeah. Tommy. Ahoi. Oh! Did you hear that? He said a hoi. Charles.

Good day, mate. I knew he was going to say that. Legal Lily. Howdy? Tony Lodge. Bonjour. Ryan John. I also want to start with a warning off the top that if you hear someone bite into a chip

sandwich, it was Lil. Yeah. Because she's eyed off a chip sandwich before recording. She goes, fuck, I haven't up one of those in a while. They look great. So if randomly mid-chat, you hear a, it was Lily. Well, Lewis jealous because Tobs is hiding in our bedroom right now,

eating it because we were like, it's too loud for out here. Kick it out. It's been relegated. And it's a small room. Huge breaking news. I don't know. Click at me again.

We're going to have to update our LinkedIn's because Tony and I are now certified Guinness pourers. with a signed certificate from the managing director of the Guinness Storehouse. And you're fucking welcome. We knew I was good at Head before, but you should see this. Man, I've never seen someone do head and make it cream like Tony Lodge. Now, and it basically, it's a six-part process. And it takes a lot to master.

Yeah, and we did a course yesterday and we fucking nailed it. And this is what I have to say. Are we just really fucking good at? at pouring Guinnesses or are the two other twats in our pouring group fucking sh-the-dummers you've ever seen because we were so much better than these two guys so are we great or did they suck you know what I mean? They had to keep tipping theirs out like they kept fucking it up this actually happened the girls like pour that out and we've got to try I she's like I legally can't let you be

seen holding that terrible poor in this facility she's like you need to start again yeah and he said oh is this like pretend Guinness for the for the pouring and she goes no it's real and he goes so we have to like pour it out and she's like yeah he goes oh that hurts my heart and i went you know i hurt my heart the terrible pool did you fucking yeah have you fucking seen that if you wanted to like honor it you would have the first time and tony said to the lady i think i found my calling can i work here and she said and wasn't she great our pouring teacher she was wonderful her name was kaitland chadol and kailin goes tony we would love to have you work here They did say.

And it was just before I got my certificate as well. So I knew that it wasn't just a legality thing. Yep. You knew that they were actually interested. For those on YouTube, can we put the certificates on the screen, Charles? They're up. They're up. Yeah.

They're up. Yeah. Don't they look great? Oh, I love them. Certified. Mine on the, this side. And they go, uh, and I go, well, Mr. Guinness has signed off. Yeah.

I'm a certified borough. Mrs. Guinness. Monsieur Guinness. Yeah. Oh, yes. Yeah. Got them. Got them.

And also the fact that, like, we just fuck everything up that we do. We just fucked it right up. We're so good. And it was so fun. Yeah. I really recommend, Ryan and I both self-proclaimed, like, not tour people. I don't like a fixed tour, like a specific time. I don't want to wear the headphones.

I don't want you to fucking talk to me. I'm not following the, the umbrella. Like, I just, I'm not interested. Yeah. And it was actually unreal. Because they just let you in and go, it's self-guided, self-paced. You go as fast or slow as you want, check out, whatever. You want to stop there for half-out.

You don't want to. And all the installations were really cool. It was actually incredible. We met Heather and her partner, Dave. That was amazing. She'll be coming tonight. Did she back in. If I have anything to do with it.

She'll be coming to the Hens party tonight. You know, we'll be slinging tickets at the Guinness store. Yeah. Yeah, we were out there selling. Ryan's selling right now. Looking for bridesmaids. We have these jumpers made to hand out flyers in London town. Um, so you, sorry, you mentioning the headphones is just, like, I don't want the plastic yellow headphones in my body.

Do you know what I mean? And they always give you like little cuts on your ears. So you know that? You guys went into the tasting room. Yeah. And, oh. And you need to do well we. I was like, I was going to pee.

I'll come back in a second. And it turns out they go in like four minute lotments. And I missed your one and I had to go on the next one. Yeah. And they like seal the room. Yeah. I thought I could just wander in and. Oh, oh.

Yeah. They steal it. We got it, yeah. Thanks, Charles. You're welcome. So I come out of the bathroom and I got... You're joking. Yeah, and I go up to the person at the door and go, oh, my friends just went through.

Can I just wander into the next one? And this person. Yeah. And this person kind of gives me a look of like, I don't fucking care. Oh. And he went, oh, the next one's in two and a half minute, like points at the clock that's ticking and goes, well, it's two and a half to the next. And I went, oh.

like okay and it just felt like because everyone there was pretty great yeah excellent but I was like I thought strangely like not as hospitable as I thought so I went to the line and then just like joined the next group or whatever yeah then we all went through to do the tasting yeah and the person who I asked came through with us we just and also did the tasting I I assumed I assumed because they were wearing Guinness merch yeah and they had headphones on I was like oh like like it's a security like I hadn't clicked about the people doing the audio tours yet.

And so I saw headphones as if they were like, yeah, we got a group of six people coming through for a tasting. Yeah, the eagle has landed. Yeah, so I see a guy in a Guinness shirt and headphones and went, gday, champing, got I go through? And he goes, I don't give a fuck. And of course he didn't. And he was just a guy also on the tour.

And then I saw him in there and I went. Did it show you when he wasn't Irish? He talked to his American guy. He's like, I don't mind what you do. It threw me when I went through the tasting and he came with me and drank a Guinness. That's a strange thing to do on the job. Oh, you love to do that on the club?

Yeah. Like, because I'm actually certified poor and we're not allowed to do that. At this stage, I wasn't certified. So I'm, I tell that back. You know what? I apologize. Maybe if I had have done the opposite way. You would have seen the light by then.

Yeah. But I was at that stage, an uncertified poorer. So, because we went through separately though. I just, just a quick go around the room. How many people in your area went more? I wouldn't mind a full one when they give you the little Guinness? Did that go, that went pretty hard in our session? Yeah.

Do you reckon they hear that every day? Probably, because there was a couple in mine that said that. Nice. Popular joke that I've never heard before. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, are hospitable people in Ireland. One thing I will say, the guy in the second of the tasting room bit,

where he teaches you how to drink a proper. Yeah. It's very clear that he has. The written jokes into the speech. Yeah, but he also. Delivered with zero gusto. Yeah. Like, you've never met someone who.

cared fucking less. He's doing the same punchline every four minutes all day. Yeah. But then it's also his job to clear the glasses away at the end. And you've got four minutes till the next group comes through. So it goes, ha ha. Punchline. Ha ha.

This. Ha ha. That. Can you please. Please put the glasses on the tray. I know that they're perfectly sized to fit in your pocket or your handbag. Yeah. Oh, but there's also these other spots around.

And I'm like, oh, he has to go around to collect him. He's like, and he was just like, I'm begging you. Can you please put them on this tray? The life drained out of his eyes. Yeah, but I've got three and a half minutes to pack these up and reset. And I just. Keep my vape in the storeroom. I need you to fucking help me out.

The tether is right there. And I went, oh, you know what, dog? I will do that. Yeah. And that's not your style. Yeah. You'd leave it on a plinth. Well,

I know your type. There were so many plinths to leave it on. So many plints. Yeah. Dare I say the plints were asking for it. Yeah. They wanted you to leave it there. And I met the guy.

I would love to chat. to the architect and go next time. Yeah, less plinths. Don't leave these perfectly sized plinths. Yeah. Fuck. Tarp says what is going to get a fucking workout for plinth today. He's not done.

We've never said it on an episode before. Now every word is plinth. Hello, this is type says what. A bit of a spike in plinthing on Tuesday, May 17. Nice day. 19. Whatever fucking baby. Yeah, Tuesday, 19 of May.

Why is that date ringing a bell? We've only been spruiking it for the last three months. These are tough confessions. I've got a confession. I left my glass on the plinth. You did not. I did. You walk back to that Guinness storehouse and you take it back.

And it was full. Like I had a little gulp and then I left it. Yeah. I've drunk so much. Just so let you know, Plinth has been said once before back in 2023. by Tony So hang on This is the first time

I've ever said the word Plinth on the podcast And now we've said it 78 times My ratio's up Yeah Tony has drank Well Tony hasn't really drank at all

For the last year Yeah Thank you for saying that And now has drunken So much Guinness But yeah I reckon I've drunk The equivalent of one full Guinness

Yes Because I've tried to split the GEE that many times And then just given the rest of the beard of Torbs. Torbs has drunk a lot of Guinness. Do you know who is a fucking who's come out of, come from behind? Is that what they say in sport? It's what I say to you.

Is it what that like come from behind in sport? Tommy loves Guinness. You didn't know that. Yeah. And splits a G like no one's business. Yeah. Tommy has an Irish soul. Is that true Tommy?

Tommy's Irish. Tommy's Irish. Tommy's Irish. Spend the longest time in 40 foot in the water. He did. He did too. First in last out. Risperk.

Dranking the most Guinness? Sorry, she's been drinking. Yeah. Did everyone else hear that? That bird's like that joke. A happy bird. A happy bird. The happy birds follow us.

Remember that happy bird at the opposite? You reckon killed itself. When I said it was happy, he said, no, it was dancing its way off the roof. Yeah. Nah, that wasn't happy ones. You get some happy ones and then you get some not happy ones. That's life sometimes. That's life.

Submit your confessions to Tony and Ryan.com. com. You're so happy. I'm so sorry. It's not going to be after this next story. Great. Get your whistles out now, sweetheart because you ain't going to like this one. This is from a tarpa, anonymous.

It's like a sound effect. That's so perfect. That's not making you off. That sounds ice alarm. Yeah, okay. I drove to my grandmother's deathbed listening to the most graphic sex. seen in Akatar. Oh.

I got the call. Grant only had a day or so to live. You know, like getting towards the end. Yeah. Lives out of town. So I jumped in the car, hit play on my audio book and just didn't really think about where I was up to in the story and where I was going. I just jump in the car, press play.

Off I go. Yep. The thing about Akatar is the sexy bits are few and far between. Yeah. But the only... There's not enough to make the book good. But the only thing between anything. was his member between her.

Full graphic extreme filth. The entire journey to her town, I was biting my lip and gripping the wheel. I was trying to cry about Gran, whilst listening to someone being ravaged to within an inch of their life. Maybe that was happening to Granny. We can all only hope.

What an awesome way to go. Oh, take that out maybe. Try that out, maybe, actually. Can we take out what you? you said, but leaving the bit of you saying, take that out. Take that out. To be fair, my old hornbag of a grand would have found it hilarious. Love that.

Forgive me, Tarpers, because that is my confession. I think this is a great confession and good area for a confession, I think. No one shit themselves. So obviously, this came about because I talked about reading that slutty book in the doctor's office. The amount of people who have come and just defended me and said, you've got to do it more the slutty books are all good you've just got you've got to be sloppin all around that all around the place i just yeah i like it can i pitch something please a plinth i've used my ratio a tony and ryan plinth what is a plinth oh it's the thing we've got your beers on

yeah um little table is there and it fuck that bird is so beautiful yeah it's really yeah it it's stunting. You know how he used... Birds like, ah, you know how you used to do the raps for the movies? Yeah.

Is there some way I can get mini bite-sized reviews of sexy books? Oh, yeah, I could do you a little. I want it to fit in a reel. Maybe it's just a reel only.

Okay. Do you know what trend? I think it was a little while ago. Like book talk, but like your version. Yeah, but Tony's version. Tony's version.

Oh, have you heard that anywhere before? I reckon there was this thing where people were like, I'm going to review a book with like a face or a sound. So like instead of like a long lengthy review where you go, I loved the character development or whatever, you kind of like hold up the book to the screen like this and you go, I like that. Or I love this.

I love this. It's the right area. But I want to. Yes. And. I think because you're. such an amazing actress, you could... Thank you for saying that.

I think you could... Acting. I think you could in only sounds, not only fans, only sounds... Yep. Still give the story. Yo. So say it's like, like the relationship starts great. Hmm.

But then they hit the rocks. But then they make up and sleep together. But then there's a twist. he leaves but then he makes his triumphant return they fuck again and then they live happily ever after

but they're all gonna sound like that yeah well if they're all the fucking same they're all the fucking same yeah okay I didn't create the genre mate you know someone messaged me on Instagram and said that the books that I said that I like because I said I can't handle anything heavy

and sad right now. There's enough that shit. You know what I mean? The world is doing that for me. Yeah, like that's built in. Yeah. I need the happy ever after. And someone said, well, those romance books that I've been reading, they have a happy

ever after clause. So it's like this unwritten rule that books like that have a happy ending because that's like what people want and that is like what you're promised. And somebody else messaged and said, I want two chapters of miscommunication and a happy ending. And that's what they are. It's two chapters where they go, maybe he doesn't like. me and then the next chapter is him saying maybe she doesn't love me and then it's a six months later and then they go we did love each other and then they fuck again I mean

there's room there's room for this yeah imagine we're having sex and you just go oh it doesn't smell that bad play the thing we need to cleanse ourselves with an ad in the UK. I'm Nick from Canada. I'm Kerry from now. You're listening to Terry. You're listening to Terry. I'm right.

A massive shout-out to a few of our champion tarpers over at our Patreon. We absolutely love to see. You're keeping the lights on. Thank you very much. Gemma McMahon. Good on you, Gemma. Thanks, Gemma. Thanks, Gemma.

Catherine Molika Hatfield. So we had a Hadfield and a Hatfield. Scandal. Oh my God. Do you know each other? Kian. Gin Tann, thanks Kean, Kelsey Morris, Katie H, Vanessa Mina, Kate Stone, English Sal. Oh, English Sal, and Michael Strong, but English Sal, we'll see you tonight at the heads party.

See you tonight, girl. See you tonight, brother? Ryan said that on the phone before. Good to meet another bridesmaid. It is. Yeah, it really is. It is. It's going to be fun tonight.

I'm really excited. Everybody that comes gets to hang in the lobby before the show. We've got like a photo booth so you can hang out and get your photos. taken, we've dragged some LLBs from Australia so you can, you can taste a proper fucking LLB. I also believe, speaking of drinks, there's going to be during the show, a waiter. Very sexy waiter delivering some very lucky brides made some drinks. Oh, by the way, Charles, have you got to shave Ruckabrow?

What a fucking upsetting question. Oh, I'm so sorry. That has really rubbed me the wrong way. Have you got a shaver I could borrow? Oh, in the context of the day, I cannot handle that. I'm so sorry. I just remembered what the sexy waiter is wearing. Have you got a shaver I can borrow?

Oh, and it's not for his face. Do you know what I mean? Oh, gosh. You know when we were making a joke about the Brazilian the other day? And then I said, no, just the size. Just the sides. Yeah.

Yeah. Sorry, I'm looking at your penis. Hey, and it's looking at you. I'm Ryan's penis. Oh, I wonder what I'll make it into the Tony core video this week. Sorry, your penis is a pirate. It is a pirate. Looking for my booty.

I feel silly because it's my hands night tonight. Today of all the days of my life is the day I'm allowed to go, the most. I'm still not 100% on the timing. I'm getting there. How many do you reckon you'll do at the Hens Party Live show? A Cutler? Four.

Yeah. I've got another attempt. I've got another attempt now though. Yeah? Hey, Charles, could I borrow a shaver? Not the time? Not the time? Wasn't the time?

Was that not the time? Do you think that maybe? I don't. No. Never. Not one. Never. Why do you ask? Do you reckon that a shaver is something you actually.

like legally can't ask to borrow. Like I fuck with a lot of shit, right? Like I'm pretty like, I'm... You're fucked. I'm fucked. I'm like, I'm chill about a lot of stuff like that. Like if someone was like, can I borrow that? Like, I would be fine with that.

Okay, if I had to borrow. And first of all, agree. It's fuck. I come to you. And now I'll start this story. Yeah. I come inside you. I go, hey, I either need to borrow.

your shaver or your toothbrush? Toothbrush. You give me the toothbrush first. Fuck yeah. Fuck yes. I would give you my toothbrush before I'd let you use my shaver. Or if it was a like a disposable razor,

I'd be like, and you keep it. And you fuck it right off. Yeah. No, you have to use it after. No, who are not? Toothbrush. Charles?

I reckon a razor over a toothbrush. That you have to use again. Yeah. Yep. What if, Hang on, hang on, hang on. Hang on, hang on. We need to also say that the razor has been used on

pubes. Like 1,000%? Uh, Charles? Does that change your answer? It does, it still doesn't. Yeah. He's washed it off.

Lil? Toothbrush. I'm with you, Tony. Thank you. Toothbrush, I reckon's chill. Ooh, I just don't. Like, Charles and I just wear just bros. So even if you used, you still can't borrow it.

Save you. If I had to choose one. But say if you said to me, like, if I wanted to borrow your shaver, I wouldn't want to, like, it's just, like, so germy. And then you're, like, putting cuts into your skin. Like, it just sounds like a fucking infection when to happen. You get little cuts in your skin. No. Like microcuts, you do.

Because it's like abrasion on your skin. It might not bleed. It might not bleed. But, you, like, it does. Really? Yeah. Fuck yeah. I'm never shaving again.

I can tell. Join the club. Sorry, we didn't ask Tommy. And I'm actually gagging for an answer from Tommy. Tommy, if you had to borrow Ryan's shaver or toothbrush, what would you pick? If I had to let him borrow. Yeah, and then you have to use it again after. Shaver.

Yeah. Shava, he said shaver. That's crazy. Maybe it's a guy or girl thing. Just like guys, rock knikes and girls where's out at us. Maybe that's just the way of the world. And how cats are girls. dogs of boys.

So true. Yeah. Yeah. That bird's gone. I don't think they're, I don't think they're a fan of the podcast. I said to the bird, do you want to, can I borrow your shave, I'm fucked up. It grabbed it shaver and flew away. But don't touch it.

Grab some of the spice bag from the bin and fucked off. Gotta shave these feathers when I get home. The bird shave? Yeah, my wife's coming on tonight. She's been away. Got to tidy up. She flew south for the winter. Bird gear?

Yeah. That's like intimate bird knowledge. Because of the warmth, no, they're doing live shows down in court. Cork? Yeah. About two hours away.

Yeah, South. Yeah. All right. So I arrived the day before you guys got here. Yes. Yeah. Actually,

I've got a hypothetical for you. Hypothetical. You go into a store. Oh, my God. And you're looking at the clothes. Oh, that's nice. Maybe I'll try that. Maybe I'll buy that one.

That looks good. And they go, Oh, let you know we're cash only but you don't have cash so you kind of just go oh well i guess i'll go yeah maybe not today yeah um what if you flew to dublin got your hair cut and they told you it was cash only after they'd already cut your hair hypothetically this is like the phogean taxi driver all over again yeah did you find robin and sydney and did that did that give you some gas oh by the way with cash only, like put the hair back on.

Glue it back on, dog? Yeah. I'll take it with me. So they're cash only and... That's got to be a sign out the front. You can't like... Sorry, I just thought when you said that, like, it's a sign. And not like, there needs to be a physical sign.

A literal sign that says like cash only. Yeah. I think he meant, yeah, you mentioned it. I was in the chair and it's begun. What did you do? I went, oh, fuck. I don't have any, but I can get something. He goes, yeah, brother, you know, all good.

And I was like, okay. Oh my God, the Irish people are just lovely, aren't they? But you guys weren't here yet? No. And we were, not only were we not here, we were in the air. Yes. So it's not like we could help or. Since you taught me about this new Fandangle pay ID like last year.

Apple pay he means. I haven't. Pay ID's not the same thing. I haven't touched a wallet or a card. Like, I just tap. You barely touched it before. Yeah. Thank you.

But you can't get cash out from the bank without the physical. Like, I don't have physical cards. Not outside of Australia. Like, in Australia, you can. Okay.

Because it's like, because you have to go to a Commonwealth ATM, but you can't, it's hard outside of the. So I go to this. What'd you go to a fucking Western Union? Well, I go to this cafe and I go,

can I just, can you just charge me 20 bucks or something? Oh, and give me, oh, that's clever. Yeah. And they go,

oh, I know what you're saying, but nah, because, you know, he just worked there because I have to put it through the register and it doesn't really, you know we it's not like you know he was like no he's like I know he's like I know he's saying he goes

oh there's a bank down the road and I was like yeah I don't have a card I've only got like Apple Pay yeah and he goes oh fuck okay so then I go over to a place that does saunas and try to buy a lot of sauna sessions and said and then can you give me some cashback and they were like no but would you like the sauna and so we're and you said well yeah yeah I'm kind of I'm stuck on the haircut right now and then I need to give a share Shout out to some of the greatest blocs you'll ever meet. Yep. Where were they?

I took a photo of their business because I was like, these guys need a shout out. Oh, no, that's us getting drunk at the Guinness Factory. Here we go. Classic. Reeds of Dundrum. Hi, Reads of Dundra. For your printing, graphic design, photocopying and stationary needs.

I only go to reads for my needs. Yeah. Put that on the internet. I love that. Now, they couldn't do the cash. Oh. but they took this young foreigner under their wing. He went,

get in here, lad. Let me talk, like, let's go through the options. Sorry about the accent. Not do the accent. And he goes, and I had my credit card.

Yeah. And he goes, I reckon you can do the credit card at the bank, but you have to put in like an extra code or something. And you might be able to get, it'll be a cash advance. He goes, the interest will be cooked.

But like, you need the money right now. Yeah. And it was like 20 euros. And I was like, oh, well, if I cop a fee, like I'm,

I can't not do it. Yeah. And then I go, okay, and I went and tried it. He goes, it doesn't want you come back. And I went, all right. So I went and tried to come back. And he goes, oh, maybe if you try the other bank and then you do this and you press the cut. Like, that also didn't work.

But he goes, you come back, let me know. And then 27 different ideas they gave me. None of them worked, but it was the attitude. That is the can do attitude of the Irish. And that's why if I need my printing done, reads. Reads of Dundrum for all my photocopying and printing needs. Thanks for not helping but being so happy about it. No, it's the attitude that counts.

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, and so no help at all. So what was the outcome in the end? So I legged it and didn't pay. So we'll have to go back there and pay before we leave. Yeah, and so... Charles, do you know how to get cash? Yeah, so now you kind of half know this story and it'll kind of all make sense.

Do you remember when we were at Tesco and we're doing like... Yeah, you guys were doing secret squirrels. Yeah, because I go, hey, can you get me some cash out? And he goes, why? And I go, I got a haircut ages ago. And then we go to the Tesco ATM. And they're like, we're just rebooting the server. And so then we just keep ducking off for a little war.

Oh, yeah, I'll meet you in the cereal aisle. And just running down to the next one because I was like, I'll save this story for the podcast. Amazing. But we, oh, I just kept thinking you were going to the bathroom. I probably was. Yeah, no, I've probably got a few pieces away. Yeah, you know, yeah. And we've tried a whole bunch of places.

Finally, the thing comes back online. Was that your money or our money? Yeah. My card got blocked by my bank three times. I had to keep unblocking it. Well, that's what kept happening to me in fucking Fiji with the taxi. Like, they kept being, I'm like, these card works are like, I don't think so. I'm like, well, it's not.

Like, I'm not. I have the money. Do you want to hear the most out of touch thing ever? And I'm putting my hand up and saying, okay, mate. Yeah. So hang on. They got the money? No, not yet.

How did, you know how you like a bad boy? Yeah. How do you feel sharing an Airbnb with a fugitive in a foreign country? I don't like it. You know how I'm funny about things overseas? Yeah. Yeah. Like things I wouldn't do at home are just so much for us overseas.

No, I went down yesterday I have and dropped it off. Nice. And like, was the guy just like, I didn't think you were coming back. I said to him. I was like, I'm so sorry, brother. I only had the card. Why does every time I say brother, everyone fucking listens their shit? Because you've never said it in your whole entire whole life.

I'm just trying to be at one with the locals. I don't even think that they say it, but it's fine. I was like, brother. It was as if I was gone by his reaction for 30 seconds. And she's like, oh, thanks, bro. Why is bro fine? Bro's fine. It's double standards.

Yeah. Why, when a beautiful hot woman says it, it's fine. Did someone else say, the bird outside? But when an unshaven, shaverless man says it, it's not okay. I'm just trying to give you my toothbrush, man. I don't know. So I went to two banks. The spend less, pay less, just so much less as supermarket.

The cafe. What a turkey journey. And the little, Lydell, what's that supermarket? I say Lidl, but I don't know if that's right. And I say little, so who knows? And to let you know, there's one entrance where you can go in, and there's another entrance where it has an escalator that just goes up into a closed garage door. Watch out for that one.

Shout out to the Liddle in Dundra. Literally, there's not even room to hit the landing. Like, it just takes you straight into the door. Dundra, man. Welcome to the suburbs. Fuck. What was the out of touch thing that you had to say? So I went to this.

very small business that sold like antiques or knickknacks or something kind of cute. Like vintage stuff. Yeah, but I don't even think they were like the vintage angle. I just think it was just like an old stuff that like granny's going by a new spoon from. I don't know. So I wonder in and it was like this old lady had owned and run the store since forever. Yeah. And you go, hey brother.

I walked in and I went, brother. I was like, do you do cash out? First of all, cultural differences. It's called cash back here. Cash back. Yeah, I go, you cash out? And they go, you mean cash back? And I went, yeah, sure.

Oh, do you mean cash back? That's exactly what? Did you meet her too? I met her, yeah. Oh, brother. And I go, oh, I don't have like a local bank card. I've only got this credit card. And she goes, oh.

Brother. It might work. What sort of card is it? And I went, it's a Qantas business. rewards. Amex. Probably not. Yeah.

And because you know how yes. An Amex Quantist business rewards. And she looked at me like I was speaking like an Australian. And she just goes, shit, eh? Probably not, hey. You know how yesterday when I said she, oh, by the way, they told us that I don't take Amex many pluses you went, that's really good intel. Yeah.

Matters how it's a bit short there. I was like, yeah, you're speaking to like, I don't know that. I've been the, on the brunt of that. There's no one who knows that so much more. more than me. Yeah. Oh, tell me about it,

brother. Yeah, so, um, so I dropped that bro off. Um, do you remember when we got home yesterday and that guy walked past who had a fully sick fade and you thought it was me?

Oh my God, yeah. I thought that was the barber. Oh, coming look for you. Well, no, he just looked similar and I was almost like, that motherfucker is going to be like,

oh, yeah. Do you have me money? That was good. You got me cash, brother. Hey, brother, you don't have me money, do you?

that sounded quite good I think so to those playing along at home in the town of Dundrum it was the barber that's in a stairwell that doesn't go anywhere what a beautiful because it used to be a stairwell and then now the stairway to heaven it goes to nowhere similar to the garage door

that goes up to the thing and someone goes well instead of just having an empty stairwell why don't we chuck a barber seat in it oh yeah and that's where I got my hair cut amazing do you remember when you got stuck in that stair shop it was very similar to you a lot of times. Yeah.

In Subiaco, that stairs shop. Have I told you about the stairs shop, Charles? No. There was, it's like a... Charles, it's like a... It's so funny. Every time I think about this and every time Ryan's told this story, I'm so fucked up.

I piss. I literally, I just think it's so funny. Imagine a street like Bridge Road, Richmond or Chapel Street or whatever where it's just like shops on the bottom level and then just like one level above, which is just something else. Yeah. For everybody in Perth, though. It's after...

It's Rockabee Road. No, it's Hay Street. Oh, yeah. When it's in Subiaco, though, so pass the city. So I have to deliver these cookies. Like, someone won these cookies in the radio station. I go, I'll drop them off. And she's like, yep, I'm at level 1, 42 fucking Hay Street.

And I go, great. Hey! Yeah. And so obviously there's some stairs somewhere because there's just an office above. Below is a warehouse that sells different kinds of staircases. And you can go and check out, do you want the spiral? Do you want the this? want to that.

And I walk in and I'm looking around and I go, oh, sorry, I'm just, I need to get upstairs. And the guy goes, well, you've come to the right place. Tommy's locked. Tommy's always falling down the stairs out. You be careful of that left side. And he goes, well, you've come to the right place, brother. And I went, no, no, no, I actually, I actually, it doesn't matter about these stairs. I just need to get him.

He goes, oh, an A to B man. Totally get it. The phrase An A to B man Because some people I don't fuck with style You just need to get upstairs sometimes He thought that Ryan

Just the basics for me Man Just some simple stairs And then They've got like All of these samples Like 10 stairs set up So you can see

Like what they're like And step on it And whatever it And just the way you know The stairs don't go anywhere They're for display purposes only Or maybe these ones will get me there

Nah That's still wrong. It's like a video game. No, you know those pieces of art where it's like, you just keep going up and you don't get anywhere? Like on squid game. I'm walking around the thing. Oh my God.

An A to B man. That's okay. Anyway, so the hairdress has been paid. That's amazing. And they deserve it. Great fade. I'd have everybody know that the first second, that Ryan landed here,

he got a haircut. Addiction. The reason I'm getting haircuts in foreign towns is because I keep running out of time before I leave. You're addicted to haircuts. I think it's a real problem. It's a good way to like get in touch with the local brothers though because you can kind of go like. What's up around here? Like where's cool to go?

Yeah. And they kind of, how's your day being? I'm just in town from. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, there's a good pub near there. Yeah. You know.

And you can't get involved. Yeah. And I said, do they say brother much here? And he goes, no. And he went, cool brother. Man bruds Yeah

I've got to you love to see it here This is really fun Jonathan Newton sent this on Patreon And Jonathan says Tony I'm a director Since January last year I was writing Preping Production

and filming and editing My short film It premiered May 1st earlier this year So only a couple weeks ago And won four awards At my school film festival Fuck yeah Isn't that awesome

I still cringe at some things, but I've officially written, directed and released my first short film. Here's the link if you'd like to see it. I want to show it with everyone, even though, and I really like this bit. Even if I still think it could have gone better, I'm really happy with what I've learned and then I can continue to grow from what I've done. Isn't that so beautiful? He's figured out life. So Jonathan has, he's popped it on YouTube.

So I've got the link, we can pop it in the show notes and stuff. but it's pretty like amazing and I just love the attitude like oh there's a few things that could be better but also you fucking you did it yeah you won some awards um so maybe the tppers can go over and gas them up in the comments or give it a few likes or something but yeah i just thought that was really sweet so congratulations from us jonathan that's so sick charles can we like and subscribe from the tony and ryan channel sure can thank you very much my love to see it is from josh girlie hi josh girlie and i think josh is like buried the lead here oh

Dog walker. Yeah, the dog died, so just like, buried the last. And the dog's hanging up on the hook. They're like, oh, I've got this around the wrong way. Do you know how the dog died? Squashed by hot air balloon. Landed in the backyard.

Sorry for Tony. She's all mixed up. She's thinking of a hatched rabbit. A rabbit hatch. Hatch. Hatch. Not a hatched rabbit, then I car a shell. An egg.

Who's Michelle? Josh Gurley, this is Josh here. Very the lead, yeah, yeah. Got a little nose piercing. Huh? Ooh, Slay. Love those glasses. Yeah, got a nose piercing to celebrate

losing a hundred pounds. Holy shit. How much it cost? Like $200. Revoke her visa. Send this slut back to Australia. Dublin does not want it here. Ireland says no

Brexit have Brexit again They are brexiting The Tony and Ryan podcast Pounds Like dollars He's lost weight Yeah look at this

Poor broke 100 poundless Yeah No it's like Say it again And now I'll give it a better reaction I don't think you can do Better than that

Josh Gurley says got a little nose piercing to celebrate losing 100 pounds. That's amazing. Congratulations. Pounce is like a lot. Isn't that like $200? Like it is a lot. Why are we still talking in currency?

No, no, I'm saying that like my... It doesn't matter if it's a lot of money or not a lot of money. It's not talking about money. Yeah, yeah. It's $186 though. Thank you, Charles. How much is that in kilograms? I was about to say 186 because I assumed the,

currency is tied to the metric. It's not. It's 45.3 kilos. Holy shit. That's fucking awesome, Josh. That's one of me. You were closer with 100 pounds in dollars. That is awesome.

And you look fucking good. I like a nose piercing. Nose piercing. A nose ring. Yeah, it's good. Good sunglasses. Good glasses. Fuck yeah, Josh.

Killing it. Sick. Tomorrow. Oh, now this. I'm nervous about tomorrow. Tomorrow is people you didn't know were Irish. And the reason I'm nervous is because I don't know if some of these are halla obvious. But so we're also halla dumb.

So when I was writing the list, it was like... Does that feel too obvious? Yeah. But we're doing in Canada. Didn't that shock you? And I was so shocked because I didn't know that Justin Bieber was Canadian. Huge. Spoiler.

How many pounds is that? If you learned pounds as a Canadian in America, how much have you lost? Someone's your text. Yeah, hold on. It was a text from Josh going, you're a fucking idiot. You are the dumbest slut I've ever seen.

Well, good on you, Josh. Good on you, Jonathan, for you love to see it. And we'll see you tonight at the Hens Party. Oh, fuck yeah. See you tonight at the Hens Party. Tomorrow there's a pod. Oh, and just logistics chat. Next Monday's podcast episode will be,

I believe, a debrief of the Hens party recorded in the theatre after the show. Yeah, so it'll look a bit different and we'll be fucked from doing it. Like, we'll be all exhausted and Charles will have bought us a cab by then and that'd be really good. Oh, I think if you put a kebab in me, like... Oh, we're going down.

Yeah, like... On each other. Get the... Record while that's cooking. If I sit in kebab, because you know how last time we've done live shows straight away, we're like... Yeah! We're a bit full of adrenaline and you give that about 14 minutes

and you just fucking... Yeah. All your good stuff's gone. Yeah. Yeah. But we're really excited. It's going to be so fun. Fuck, I have to practice singing our song.

There is heaps of... Islands in the stream. There is heaps of stuff to do in the FOIA beforehand. Yep. There's drinks. There's QR codes. You can send us selfies and everything that we want to see. Photo booth.

And there's, I believe you can upload your wedding, marriage advice for Tony and stuff like that for the guestbook. So a little selfie of you. You get your sash on the day to prove that you're a brine's made. And also, um, Something that I need to share with everybody as well. Yeah. I forgot about that. Yeah.

So it's something that is really personal to me and I'm really excited that I get to share it. And thank you for sharing. And Torbs, because Torbs is on this trip with us and he's coming to the hands party. Is he coming to the hands party? Yeah. It seems weird, doesn't it? Or does he like similar to when it's like the roast of Kevin Hart or whatever? Is he sitting like on a.

throne on the, like, he's on the stage. And just sitting watching it. Oh, maybe. Like the person getting roast just kind of has to sit there and cop it. And cop it. Yeah. Are we roasting Torbs on their night? No, but like that set up.

Oh, sure. The vibe of like, yeah, I'm the one, but I'm sitting here and I'm just. Yeah, maybe. Can we get a throne? But, um, so Tobs is going to be there. And this is actually going to be the first time that he's hearing this too. So it's like a, it's a full secret. Oh, the secret bit.

I was like, does he know you're getting married? I just let Tobs know that he's marrying me Is he on a work call in the next room? I don't know. I think so. Torbs? Do you know that you're engaged? No response.

Oh, I just heard the windows smash. Are you on a call? Are you want to call? Did you know that you're engaged to Tony? Yeah. Oh, cool. Sweet. Oh, so we're fine.

All good. No, you can go now. It's called Tony and Ryan, not Tony Ryan. Take that back. That guy tied your shoe. Laces up yesterday and you proposed to him in the Guinness Storehouse. It was to someone need to tie my shoes. And I went, yes.

And all these. You, thank you for the, okay. He's just fingering me. Yeah, with the middle finger. Private. Not that middle finger. Love you so much. See you tonight at the Hens Party.

Love you. Can't wait to meet you all. Love you. Bye.