Toni and Ryan - Confessions of a Substitute Teacher

Episode Date: July 7, 2025

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This episode is sponsored by the OCS Summer Pre-Roll Sale. Sometimes when you roll your own joint, things can turn out a little differently than what you expected. Maybe it's a little too loose. Maybe it's a little too flimsy. Or maybe it's a little too covered in dirt because your best friend distracted you when you dropped it on the ground. There's a million ways to roll a joint wrong, but there's one roll that's always perfect. The Pre-Roll. Shop the Summer Pre-Roll and Infuse Pre-Roll Sale today at always perfect. The pre-roll. Shop the summer pre-roll and infuse pre-roll sale today at ocs.ca and participating retailers.

I'm going to die! I'm gonna pass out! I'm gonna pass away. When you're a substitute teacher, every class has that annoying kid. So I leaned in to kind of like tell him off and go, hey mate. But when I leaned in to kind of like tell him off and go hey mate but when I leaned in I

hi I'm Marvin from Inverness Scotland I'm Willow from Christchurch New Zealand I'm Morgan from Georgetown Ohio it is 88 degrees today and I approve this podcast. All right. So, Atapa is a Tony and Ryan podcast. So, if you've been with us for ages, welcome back. If you're new, welcome. Thanks for being here. Grab a seat, settle in. Yep. Could you get me a drink though? I love some cold water.

But being a part of the TAP community is one of the great parts of my life. Oh, it's the greatest part of my life. So I'll beat you. It's not a competition, but I have just one. Well coming up today, Tony's found a new group to be a part of. Don't be like that. You said that you're okay with it. You said you're okay with it. So it turns out being a tarp and part of the tarp community is just one part of Tony's life.

And we'll get to that soon. But first, these are tarp confessions. That's tarp confession, Tony and Ryan podcast confessions. You can submit them at our website. Yes, we have a website, tonyandryan.com.au. There's a Submit Your Stories tab, so you can submit a confession, super anonymous. You can also submit any other stories,

like something funny that happened at work, or if you've got a normal or nah you wanna share. We also have a little tab there for Sharing Your Wins, which we'll go into later in the week. But fuck, there's heaps of stuff on there. It's actually pretty good. Have you ever been to our website? It's great. It's looking pretty good. Yeah. And you can see all the people that work here and their profile I think there's now 800? Um. Or is it 300 or 400? It's I think it's about oh. It doesn't matter. I don't know. There's lots of people you can go check them all out. You should go check it out because.

We have our own dog groomer. We do. First confession. Hello. I tried to wax my own puss and got stuck to a dining chair. Now it was a few weeks ago now where we were talking about pubes and pubemishaps and grooming and so our inbox. Yeah, it's full of pubes. Thanks for sending your story. Sounds like my knickers. Full of pubes. Thanks for sending your story, sir. Sounds like my knickers. Full of pubes. We'll spoil it a lot if you haven't gone back and listened to the original yet.

I have been the victim of an attempted self-wax. Yeah. It gets us all at one point or another. I was doing some DIY grooming. Love it. To get a hard to reach crevice, I sat on the chair, applied the wax and then like a genius, attached a spatula to it so I'd have a bit of leverage to like rip it off. Okay.

So the wax goes on the spatula then you spatch it up and then you got a handle to like, you know, get right up, get right up in there. Sorry, I'm just thinking about the... Could I have a piece of paper and a pen? Ha ha ha! Instantly, please. He's not faster than I was. Ha ha ha!

I had a dream about Charles last night, actually. Did you guys kiss? It's not important. Thank you. Yep, faster next time. Thank you. My God. So if the chair is like such like this.

That's the right angle. Yeah, like that's the chair. And then, so what is she got? The leg up and it's like to kind of get, and then the spatula's coming in here or. I think the spatula's in between the chair and her body so she's sitting on the spatula on the chair yeah like this and then legs are Kimbo like that and then the pussy's in here yeah and the spatula is in there and she's

got a try and my favorite part of your drawing is that the puss wire is not attached to the body yeah yeah, I think that works. Otherwise. Otherwise. What I didn't realize is that the wax dripped through the... You know how the spatula's got the little holes in it? Oh, a slotted spoon. Yeah, so the wax has dripped through there onto the fabric chair beneath me. Fabric chair.

Wax is not normally that liquid that's that it probably burn your fucking pussy off. The wax had dripped through the gaps in the spatula so now me the chair and the spatch and the wax were all as one. Sounds quite nice. After tears and panic I eventually built up the courage to rip myself free. The longer you wait, the worse it is. Because it just starts solidifying to your body. The aftermath. There is a stain on the fabric of the dining chair permanently. A few weeks later, I'm still finding little chunks of wax on my bits.

And there's still no birds in the garden because I squared them off scared them off with my loud scream Doesn't that sound like a euphemism isn't it? No, it just means there are no birds in the garden Because of her scream the garden. Birds in the garden. Yeah. God, Jesus. Quite literally, no birds in the garden. Because of her scream. Because she whacked the garden. So no birds on the concrete. Because she screamed so loud, the birds flew away. Like a film. Ah, like the bird's like all flapped away.

Yeah, don't say. Flapped, sorry. Yeah, what I'll say, don't think you're asking for advice, anonymous tarpa, but you need a spotter. Hardly Noah. Like at the gym. Like you need someone to kind of stand behind you and just go push, push.

Yeah. Or go, Oh, let me intercept here. And like take over. You really, you need to ask with the spotter. I haven't. But that's why I'm giving the advice. But so you try and do it once at home, it goes terribly wrong as we're hearing. No birds in the garden.

And then that's when you go to a professional. In my opinion, that's when you kind of go, there's a reason people are good at this. Oh, I thought you like a spotter. It's like bring a friend around and just get him to observe from the corner. That's an option to be like, oh, Sophie, could you get the-

Could you get the asshole, you know? Or had you considered not sitting in the chair? Why are you doing that? Would you not do it? I would. Your relationship has ebbs and flows. Yeah. Yeah, but not from me.

I'm always a hundred percent. Okay. Do you remember when I called you my colleague? See I'm never not fully in We're still coming back from that And she says horrible things like calls me the C word I love that her doing horrible things is telling you the things you did No she just said remember when I called you my colleague. Why is that? That's not something I did. Oh, so who's the C here? No, so Sophie said Tony my colleague and I was like what?

Yeah, thank you. Get on my fucking level. I might have called you my boss even. I mean that's a bit more respectful isn't it? Did she say boss or boss? Boss. She said, this is my boss bitch. This is the CEO. This is my girl boss. Well, last time Tony introduced me to somebody, she said, well, this is Charles, my subordinate. It was the way she introduced. I did introduce Charles at a restaurant as my son.

I think that every time I refer to Charles, I just. I bought him a t-shirt. I bought him a t-shirt. Yeah. I offered to buy it. And he did not. My son needs his own card, he says, that dad pays for.

Yeah, I was going to say. Your pocket money that week is his. The question, as I was writing the paper before, you said you had a dream about me. It's not important. It sounds important. Yeah. Did you say, if you didn't kiss, say we didn't kiss. We didn't kiss, but we...

You're supported, Sissling. I'm covering my face so when this gets played back in court that... I am too. I'm not going to make eye contact with you, Charles, but I'm going to tell you what happened. We fell asleep holding hands, which is quite romantic. I don't know.

Where were we? I think that's worse. That's so intimate. We were in Adelaide. Tony and I spoke on the phone yesterday and she wouldn't shut up about how much she loved Adelaide. Two years ago when I went there, three years ago. I think we're going to gather around next year.

I'm going to Adelaide with Charles. Charles, I would skip that trip. In my dreams. Yeah, we were in Adelaide and we fell asleep. He says yes to the New York trip, but no to Adelaide. Yeah, he's like, oh, be fast. I actually loved Adelaide. I love Adelaide too.

Adelaide's great. I couldn't live there. I'll organize the accommodation. There'll be no adjoining bathrooms. No, it was just a dream. Hi, Adelaide Hotel. Can I get a bottom left, like bottom level of the building? New confession from a substitute teacher. Hello substitute teacher confessor Tarper. I once dripped snot into a seventh grader's eye and then lied to his face about it.

Something similar happened to me yesterday. I did that big snot rocket, remember? The term snot rocket is really taken. I was subbing for a middle school class, feeling a bit sniffly in the morning, but by the afternoon my face had turned into a leaking faucet. That is the worst feeling.

When you're a sub- And if you're a substitute, is this what you're about to say? No, go on. When you're a substitute, you're already the substitute, so you can't call out sick because you're covering for someone else

who's called out sick. Yeah. So when, who's looking after the substitute teachers? That's what I want to know. So true. Substitute teachers are people too. Except this one that I had as a kid, Mr. Sepsovich, he was a fucking flog and a half.

They're all flogs. That's why they're substitutes, bro. Anyway, sorry. When you're a substitute teacher, every class has that annoying kid. This one wouldn't stop talking. So I leaned in to kind of like tell him off and go, hey mate. Get it together.

But when I leaned in, a watery drop of snot plopped out of my nose and landed in his eye. You're carrying on a bit for someone who snorted on the table in yesterday's episode. Mine was a hard snot. That I take everything I've ever said back. I take it back. You're right. Thank you.

There is a difference. And also didn't go in anyone's eye. That feels that feels like an important part. He screamed like a full body horror movie scream bolted from the room thank fuck he was gone and what did I do I lied to his face gaslit him must have been the condensation from the aircon or something condensation I never went back to that school because once you baptize a kid with your boogers there's just no recovering because there's just no recovering.

Bab-to- Play the thing. Yeah. Hi, I'm Willow from Christchurch, New Zealand. I'm Morgan from Georgetown, Ohio. I'm Morvin from Inverness, Scotland. And you're listening to Tony and Ryan. This episode is sponsored by the OCS Summer Pre-Roll Sale. Sometimes, when you roll your own joint, things can turn out a little differently than what

you expected. Maybe it's a little too loose. Maybe it's a little too flimsy. Or maybe it's a little too covered in dirt because your best friend distracted you and you dropped it on the ground. There's a million ways to roll a joint wrong, but there's one roll that's always perfect. The pre-roll. Shop the summer pre-roll and infuse pre-roll sale today at OCS.ca and participating retailers.

A massive shout out to a few of our champion tarpas over at our Patreon. The link to our Patreon is in the show notes of the episode of your listening and also in the YouTube one I don't write that one. So maybe it's not um, we should put it in there live brainstorm Yeah, it is. Oh is it? Oh Charles good on you. It could probably do with an update though the YouTube notes Oh, I could do that as the official copywriter of this team. I'm happy to Thank You Lauren getting fingered on a plane lucky for you Sarah Gitter and As the official copywriter of this team, I'm happy too. Thank you, Lauren. Oh, getting fingered on a plane, lucky for you. Sarah Gitter, and she's actually added a joke,

so her name's Sarah Gitter, and in brackets she's written down like, Sarah Gitter-dum, which I quite like. I thought you were gonna say Sarah Gitter. I hardly know her, is what I would have gone for. But if you wanna do the jokes from now on, Sarah, fucking be my guest mate. Do you wanna write the YouTube show notes?

Tony doesn't like when other people are funny. I don't. And it's just not necessary. There's only room for one of them here. And we got one. It's just not necessary. I'll take it on. You know what I mean?

I'll take care of it. Tony takes care of that. Skylin, you, Kurt, good on you Skylin. Colin George, Nora Boustian, Monica Roo, Claire and AJ Green. Thank you very much for being part of the Patreon. Fucking love to say it. Yep, and if you're watching on YouTube today,

all the names are running along the bottom are people from all tiers of our Patreon. So thank you so much for subscribing. You keep the lights on, we love you. Did you already say that? Why are you? You said all tiers and I just just one single tear. That's funny. You are. See, she brings the girl.

I'll take it on. I said, um, I have something to say about this and I don't know whether I should say it now. That sounded ill aggressive, but I meant like, yeah, like lay it out. I think I just want to say this so then we can accept it and move on. Cause I don't want to distract from the story you're going to tell. Do you want me to set up the thing? Yeah. Is it about the thing?

Yeah. Okay, let me just quickly get, well, who the fuck was that? Whose phone just went ring? I ain't knowing full well who it was. Just put my computer on mute. Yeah. Yeah. full well who it was. Just put my computer on mute. On Saturday I was at Bunnings. We've gotten recently, Torbs and I, my partner, we've gotten recently a bunch of new plants and I had some pots

at home from you know previously deceased plants that were ready to go. But then I got one that didn't quite fit and I was like, I just need a different one. And I went online and I found this beautiful cement pot and I was like, that's the one. That's all we needed from Bunnings. We go in there and as we walk in downstairs, obviously there's like the, cause it's the weekend, there's the sausage sizzle.

When you say obviously, just for non-Australians, can we just reinforce what because this is people don't understand this around the rest of the world. Yeah and by that obviously I meant because it was the weekend. Yeah. Because you know during the week they don't do it. So at Bunnings which is a hardware store, so in America it's like Lowe's. Yep. I think they have Bunnings in the UK. Really? Yeah but it's like a hardware store. They've got plants, electrical shit like. Fucking everything. They have everything. It's really cool. it's like a hardware store. They've got plants, electrical shit like fucking everything. They have everything. It's really cool.

They have like door handles and like shit like that. Like, it's actually really cool. We're getting a new door handle. I was going to say, of the 10,000 items they probably have. I mean, yeah, they do, but that's just like a hell of specific. Because it's random. Yeah. Specific to me, but also like how specific? Cause it's random, specific to me, but also like how odd. Household goods, plants, door handles.

Paint. Paint. Paint. Yeah. The paint section's big. Paint section is big. And they fucking zhuzh it up and make you whatever color you want. Anyway, so we go in and all we need is this pot, but downstairs.

Imagine if there was a paint store that didn't give you the color you wanted they just like gave you paint. Like it's a lucky dip. You go oh we've got to do the second room we'll take two pots. I'm doing the exterior I'll head down to Monty's and see what I can do. And maybe the three that you buy aren't all the same color. Like the front of the house is green the side's yellow. Guess where I ran out of green and opened the red. Yeah.

Oh, I reckon it's that bit. I'm more man like a, like. And they let you choose the color. They let you pick. They don't make it worse. Can I fucking make myself sound a little bit better? The thing, what I was trying to say is like, if they don't have a like that.

They've got this new thing going on. If they don't have specifically the color, like they mix it up. Is what I meant. That's how paint's made. But like on the spot. It's always in some spot. No, but like, you know how they've got the tins of paint? Yeah.

But then like if you're like, oh, I want it a bit more blue, they go, OK, and they do that for you. It's so sick. She's describing pain. No, but like, you know how they'll have the like specific, they'll go like- They're all white and then they add to it to make the color. No, no, no, no, no, like on this-

Have you not seen Christian Hell's videos? On the shelf, they'll have like the already pre-made cut, like the forest green and the ruby red and fuck them, whatever. And if you go, I want that, but a bit more more blue then they like add the blue and make it a more specific color is what I'm saying. Guess what my favorite color is at the moment and keep in mind we're getting a new doona and pillow set three two one green sage green sage was amazing but I did say green. You know, it's true. It's correct. It's correct. It's correct.

It's good. Oh, Lily. Oh, you know what? That's also referred to as millennial green. I actually feel very out of by that. I have a lot of green in my home. So do I. Millennials. We know that I love that green as well, but yeah.

Can people let us know in the comments or the episode thread, what if they're like, are we just gonna, I feel like we're a Millennial show and I'm just gonna own it No I'm not comfortable with it What do you call me? I don't want to have to deal with these young punks judging us old people like go fuck yourselves Oh we invented baggy jeans

And the thing is is that if you don't like it, that's actually fine. There's like 7zooie another podcast Yeah, but this is the one where I'm sick of pretending to be cool for these young kids. We love millennial green. I love sage. Fucking Sue me. Yeah, Sue me. God forbid a woman love a color.

That's all I'll say. Anyway, so we go to the Bunnings. They have paint there, but we weren't going there for the paint. What colors they got? And downstairs- Any color you want? Did you get the wall with all the little patches? They're great, aren't got? And downstairs, any color you want. Did you get the ball with all the patches?

They're great, aren't they? I do love those little swatches. They're great for craft. Yeah. They're great for craft. Yeah. Anyway, so we go in there, and the thing about Bunnings on the weekend

is that there's often like a community sausage sizzle, and it's raising money for like the hockey club, the local hockey club, or the footy club, or the local primary school. And you go down there and your money goes to the hockey club, the local hockey club or the footy club or the local primary school and you go down there and your money goes to the school or whatever. I put some cash into the Diamond Creek Girls Calisthenics club the other day. And you've got to. Is that like the ribbon and the dancing? Yeah. Yeah. How cute. Calisthenics are awesome. Yeah. Good on them. But yeah, so it's like just local sports and stuff and it makes you feel good. You get a sausage and you walk around, you eat your sausage. It's like a communal thing. Anyway, they had that,

of course, downstairs. But and we were like, oh, maybe we'll get a sausage on the way out. We go upstairs and there's another little market stall at the Bunnings, which I haven't seen before. That's rare. And it was the CWA, like the Country Women's Association, selling like homemade pickles and like knitted blankets and like lemon butter and all like all of this like homemade stuff. And I go, I'm going to fucking hit that on the way out. Would you say that? That's a bit of me. Are they cutting into the profits of the one out the front?

Because if you buy a little lemon meringue tart, the chances of- No, it's not baked goods. Didn't you say- was there food, any food options? Yeah, yeah. Sorry, are you fucking broken? So it's like pickled food and like lemon butter and jams and stuff. So if I'm gassed up from that, it takes away my want for a sausage. It's not things to- it's like jarred things. Yeah, but you go, oh, we'll take that home and And like, it takes me out of the want for an instant food. It's not the same thing.

Isn't it? No, no, no, no, because it's like, so one of the things that they have. You haven't seen me with a jar of pickles in the car. But like a jar of like hot honey or whatever. So it's not things, so you kind of like, you load up and then you go, and we get a sausage on the, I reckon you would do both.

But because it's not, if it was baked goods, I agree. I think that that's probably a bit fucking. But anyways, they've got like a CWA thing there. And I was like, we're hitting that on the way out. Anyway, we go in, we find this cement pot. We walking out and the CWA people are all there. All these lovely ladies. And I walk over and two of the ladies at the stall go,

oh, Tony Lodge. And I went, hello. And they went, oh, we love your radio show. We watch every day on YouTube. Maybe one of them submitted the thing about the spatula. These little horny old toads. I reckon I'm out of here. Anyway, too old to make you a bit nervous.

No, I was like, oh really? And they go, yeah. And then someone else goes, what's your radio show? What station's it on? I said, oh, it's actually a podcast. It's available anywhere at any time, which is a bit new, fan dangle, but we're getting used to it.

A world first. And she goes- Sorry, I'm not channel 10. And she goes, oh, I'll have to look that up. And I said, oh, it is a little bit rude. And she went, oh, I'll have to look that up. And I said, oh, it is a little bit rude. And she went, oh, we love that. And anyway, and so this woman, Maria, right? She holds my hand, she goes, oh, there's that beautiful ring that that lovely boy gave you.

Cause Torbs was with me, standing there holding the cement pot. Yeah. Which I didn't realize was pretty heavy. And I'm like having a yarn with these old ducks until I'm standing there holding this fucking pot. Alright, how long were you there for and what was the average age of these old ducks? So the ladies probably... If you had to guess. Between 60 and 70. Okay.

Like older but like.... No, no. But they were really sprightly. They obviously have an amazing community because they do stuff all together. Anyway, and we're chatting and I was like, oh, these blankets are beautiful. I love craft, like, you know, and then they were like, oh yeah, we get together now to cook twice a month

because like blah, blah, blah, because you know, it's winter, it's a really hard time for people. So they make all these meals through the week and then give them to people that like just need food. It's really, really beautiful. They go, would you be interested in coming down? And I went, you know what, I really, I really would. I actually would love that.

And so. And so. And so. And so. And so would love that. And so... The country... So I have to announce... Tony and Charles have... Sorry, Charles and Sophie have fucking lost it. Sophie! The seat of...

How old are you? How old have you lived in the country? Okay. For the record, how old are you? I told him we lived in the country. Okay. For the record, how old are you? 31. And you joke about living in the country, but Sophie, who lives in the same suburb, can you confirm, would you say, jokes aside, that you live in the country? No.

An inner suburb. It is the inner north of Melbourne. And you said, even though you have a beautiful community right here of tarpers, are you now saying you're a card carrying member of the CWA? This just makes sense. Thank you. It's not an insult to say you're the oldest 31 year old I know.

That sounds like a put down. No, I actually really appreciate that. Yeah, because when you said they're crafting, they're doing group cooking, I've gone, this sounds like Tony. And the thing is, right, and this is like, this sounds a little bit sad, but I think it probably paints a really good picture of me. I don't really have a lot of friends and I don't really have a community because I didn't grow up in Melbourne,

but also I feel like a lot of people make those kind of connections through sport or through the other moms and dads at your kid's school and stuff. I don't really have that kind of outlet where like I'm meeting anybody else. And so. Until you met Maria. And so then I met all the ladies there.

And Blanche. And I actually was like, you know what? It makes you feel really good because you're helping other people. I get to cook and do craft with these other ladies. And they said, cause they were a bit cheeky, right? And I was like, and I was like, oh, am I too young to join? Oh, am I too young?

Am I too hot and sprightly? And they were like, oh, how old are you? And I was like, I'm 31. And they were like, we need the fresh blood, is what they said. Fresh blood. And so I've emailed them. I've emailed them and I said,

Would you like to read the email out? Please. OK, it's here. Starts from hi there, team CWA. Hi there, team CWA. And this is just specifically to their chapter. starts from hi there team CWA. Hi there team CWA. And this is just specifically to their chapter. Yeah, which chapter is this nearby? It is nearby, yeah.

Are we not outing the specific chapter? I'm not gonna out that, because they're- It's a local one. It's the local one, yeah. My name is Tony. I met you at the market stall at Bunnings on the weekend. I was speaking with you all about maybe being able

to come down and help out. I'd love to know what days you meet to cook or if there are any other ways I could be involved. I do work mostly full time. Well, all these ladies are retired. So I'm like, they're probably getting together on like a Tuesday morning. Do you know what? That's all I could think was that I was like, they're probably getting together on like a Tuesday morning. Do you know, that's all I could think was that I was like,

they probably all do it during the week. Which I can't obviously do. Because I'm working mostly full time. As someone who works with you. Yeah. Full time. Mostly full time. Mostly full time.

It's flexible. But you know. No, it is. But I'm saying like. It is flexible. And what I'm saying like... It is flexible. And what I'm saying in a positive way as a co-owner of this business is that I am prepared to move things around to like, if this is important, then if it's important to you, it's important to me and we will make this work for the CWA.

And I absolutely know that that's why I wanted to be like, oh, I work mostly full time, but if you tell me when it is. Because I love those country women's associations. I'd love to know which days you meet to cook or if there are any other ways I could be involved. Because I was like, I could go and do the market stall at the Bunnings. I am interested in helping even if I couldn't commit to being a full time. What do you think the commitment is?

No, well, because I was like, if I could go and help with the stall, but I'm not like a... I think in the volunteer... Yeah, I think in the volunteering circles, it is a bit of a like, we all chip in and... So what? They're not, oh, they hit me up for a nine to five. No, it's not a nine to five, but it's kind of like, think they need the ongoing commitment that you're going to be there every week to hell because there is actually only nine ladies in the one that I'm looking to join. Anyway.

It was lovely to meet you and the other lovely ladies on Saturday. Thank you very much for the chat. Chat soon. Hang on. So I email them. They've got an email address. They're really fucking popular. This is on Saturday? Yes. It's a Gmail.

Is Torb still holding the pot? He's still holding the pot. This is the thing. They're like, now. Oh, now. Well, so we get down to- Have you seen him since then? He's still at the thing.

We get down to the car. And I was like, oh, let me hold that while you open the door. And I went, fuck, that's door. And I went, fuck that's heavy. And he went, **** He's been standing there for 20 minutes while I've been fucking buying lemon butter

from these old sluts. Anyway, so I send them this email. They have replied. Thank you so much. And there is a night coming up very soon where they're doing a craft night. So I'm gonna go to the craft night. They're gonna show,

they've got a big commercial kitchen and stuff. They're gonna show me how they do everything. And then depending on like what days they normally cook and stuff like that, I am going to become a country woman. I have like butterflies in my, I'm so excited. Isn't it so lovely? This is so cute.

All right, we all get one. Yeah, you can have one. You were born to be a country woman. Charles? I might be the head of the country women's association. I just have a question. Will you be wearing a GoPro on your head during the time? No, it's private time, Charles.

This is for my life. So the Ray-Ban meta thing. I'll be wearing smart sunglasses. So if you have any other fellow questions. I'm just happy to see you enter the country women's association. What I will say is that they do a lot for the Royal Show and isn't that my dream come true? We've been talking about the Royal Show and the Arts and Craft exhibit for years.

And how I get involved in this. For years we've talked about this. One-way ticket to the Royal Show. The one this year? Probably. It's September isn't it? Yeah. That's not far, that's like-

It's July now, so if I get in there- Nah, but you gotta be- Oh, do you reckon they'd have a ring in? At the biggest event of the year? Yeah, yeah. Well, it's like playing your first game at the Grand Finals. So true. Maybe next year?

Oh, but- Maybe 2026? Find out, find out. Now, I have- I've got a question and a statement. Yep. I'm really, I'm really excited. Same, that does sound like- Even if it doesn't mean that I can do it full-time because I do like- I can't properly join.

I think you- Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm really, I'm really excited. Same, that does sound like- Even if it doesn't mean that I can do it full-time because I do like I can't properly join I think I think you Like I'm not full-time. Yeah. Yeah, I mean no, but what I'm saying is like Do a few more reps mate, this is our second day of a new year on YouTube Yeah, the next announcement is so from four episodes

We are going down to two because Tony's taken on a huge role of the country. Charles, are you fucking right? My world is crumbling down. No, no, no, I'm not going anywhere. Thank you. First and foremost, I'll always be your cunt tree woman. Um, question, do we have to beep if it's cunt tree? No. I haven't beeped. You know that TikTok song that's like, she's a cunt tree music fan. Um, first of all, I know when you say they,

consistency of whatever, but I wouldn't put too much pressure on yourself about like Committing full-time because I think the spirit of most volunteer ran Organizations is you help where you can and anything is better than nothing And if you do a session here in a session there, that's way more than most of us are doing so fucking good on you Did you buy a sausage? See see you stealing from the children. Torb's got a sausage.

But I spent about $40 on jams. Yeah, I bet. I bought a lemon butter, a marmalade, a hot honey, and a kumquat jam and a Fijo a jam. It's funny, none of them seem to make it to the office because they sound delicious. I could bring them in. Do you get discounts if you join? So what I would like to do, Do you get discounts if you join? So what I would like to do, right? Who's discount?

It's about raising money for people that need it, Charles. What I think I'd really be good at, this actually, truthfully, this might be like for your premium CWA women. So I might not be ready for it yet. A bit similar to the royal show I think I'd be really good at the market stall agree Like cuz I'm I could chat I could fucking remember when there was that supermarket where there's the chatty check out

I that's me. Yeah. Yes. Yeah, I agree. I agree also imagine like You come down we do a bit of a top meet and greet and everyone buys a like jelly or a jam. Or some tart merch. Whoa. Well, no, we can't, we can't like- What are you calling me? Hook onto them making money for like the less fortunate, obviously, but imagine if people, you know,

like Tony and Ryan selfie, buy a jam. I mean, everyone's up. Now, you know- Somebody's saying no. You know, right at the, you know how way back at the start of this story, I was like, there's something I just need to say. Yes. So you know how with like spelling and writing and fucking whatever, I'm like not good at it. I get like letters mixed up and I'm not good at reading and writing and stuff. We know this. Well, but you are, but yeah, like it's not your biggest strength.

So I have always got CWA and NWA mixed up. And when I hear one, I think of the other. Sure. And it's been a very interesting time in my mind for the last 15 minutes. When I've been talking to you about the CWA. Yeah. Yeah. Cause in my mind, I'm picturing the NWA. Yeah.

Um, which is a hell different. It is quite different. Yeah. Cause in my mind I'm picturing the NWA. Yeah. Which is a hell different. It is quite different. Yeah. From the ladies that I met. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I just wish you all the best and I don't have any beef with anyone. I am so excited. I'm... Talk about a new chapter right after a new chapter.

Cause it's the crafters. Knitters with attitude. I'm gonna pass away. I just tasted bile in my mouth. Because I laughed so hard. I could have vomited. Howie Simone. That vomit literally ran into my mouth from my body.

I just heard Charles go, ugh. Well, if you like to knit and you got an attitude. Come on down to your CWA. Imagine if that's the people who- I've got a you'll love to see it here. I've got a you'll love to see it. The people who check the- I've got a you'll love to see it here.

The people who check the lice in your hair. I've got a you love to see it here. I've got a you love to see it. I've got a you love to see it here. The people who check the lights in your hair. I've got a you love to see it here. Has he got mitts? I've got a you love to see it here. The spawning on my way to work. I saw a bus. That's not it.

That's not it. That's not it. That's not it. That's not it. That's not it. That's not it. That's not it. That's not it.

That's not it. That's not it. That's not it. That's not it. That's not it. That's not it. That's not it. That's not it.

That's not it. That's not it. That's not it. That's not it. That's not it. That's not it. That's not it. That's not it. That's not it. That's not it. That's not it. That's not it. That's not it. Yeah, I saw a bus. Yeah, I've never been on one. A bus drove past my Audi.

Do they have those in the country where you are? Is there an inner suburb women's association? Did you just say country wizards association? Did you just say country wizards association? Well, Harry Potter's not based in the city. He is dead. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Game.

I'm a Slytherin. I'm a Slytherin, get me out of here. I'm going to die. I'm gonna pass out. I'm a Slytherin. Get buzz out! Slitherin' Slitherin' That might be one of the funniest things ever. Did Sophie just say slitherin' with attitude? All the people watching this on YouTube, this is what you've been missing out on the other few days of the week.

Yeah, and thanks for joining us on our last episode. I hate it here. Don't say that, you don't mean it. I saw a bus. Oh yeah, shit please. My love to see it is- My love to see it is I saw a bus with L plates on it. Oh. And I thought- I don with L plates on it.

Oh. Oh. And I thought- I don't love to see that. So like, obviously it was somebody who's learning to like drive the PTV bus. And the L plates were like in the little LED screen that tells you that the bus is like going to Northland or whatever.

You know how it says like the three, five, six and it has the destination. It had the L on there. And then, so how would you, would you feel comfortable on an Alpeida bus? I don't know if it had people on it. True question. You wouldn't feel comfortable on a bus. No.

Who's the bus? Um, I don't think that it had people on it. Oh, okay. It's practice run. I think it was like the, whoever it was, was like actually practicing driving the bus and doing the route or whatever. But I thought that was so cute.

That is cute. And then someone's starting their fucking blog. They've just become bus driver. Huge. Isn't that cool? Apparently bus drivers like it. I've heard that. I haven't heard that about bus drivers, but I believe it because I've heard

about tram fucking drivers. Yeah, and trains. Yeah, they do alright. Good on them. Good on whoever that was. Love to see it. Honestly, yeah. Love to see that. My love to see it is... This person was traveling on a plane and the person sitting in front of them had a service dog. Oh my god, the video started playing and it's so cute. So, what do you see Tony? Well peaking between like the gap between the two seats in front of them is a beautiful doggie.

Basically he's just putting his head between the seats um and they don't have in-flight entertainment because it's like an old school plane but they've got this dog that's just sticking his head in between. Oh my god, the tongue! Awwww. And couldn't that just keep you entertained for a long... like I could watch that all day. Absolutely. Put me on an 18-hour flight. See you later. And wouldn't you just be like, if you need to go to the bathroom, I'll hold the dog. Like if you need anything, I could take care of it.

Do you reckon that dog had any of those prawn crackers that they've got in the seat in front? Prawn cocktail chips are so yum and we had those in London. anything I could take care of it. Jack and that dog had any of those prawn crackers that they've got in the seat in front? Prawn cocktail chips are so yum and we had those in London. They were hell good. Yeah, they were pretty good. They were pretty good. I really, you know what other chips I really like? When we're in Canada and we have the ketchup chips, that is come town.

They were. They are so good. They taste like a Tomic tomato, like sand boy. Oh, a crinkle cut chip? F***s. Crinkles with attitude, CWA. like sand boy. Oh, a crinkle cut chip. Fucks. Crinkles with attitude, CWA. I also really like a kettle chip.

Like, you know, the like- Not a jug chip. No, no, definitely. What's that? You know, lime and black pepper, like the kettle. Oh, that could fuck me and just do whatever it wanted. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Love you so much. We're still going.

Tomorrow. I've got a new segment idea and I've made a jingle. Excellent. Amazing. I supported you. No, I love it. I love it and I'm a proud tarpa. They're my favorite community on like top two. No, of all time. Love you so much. I'm gonna send that to the CWA. My new friends. Love you. This episode is sponsored by the OCS summer pre-roll sale. Sometimes when you're all your own joint, things can turn out a

little differently than what you expected. Maybe it's a little too loose, maybe it's a little too flimsy, or maybe it's a little too covered in dirt because your best friend distracted you and you dropped it on the ground. There's a million ways to roll a joint wrong, but there's one roll that's always perfect. The pre-roll. Shop the summer pre-roll and infuse pre-roll sale today at ocs.ca and