Toni and Ryan - Core-gasms and Bus Boners

Episode Date: August 17, 2023

I mean.... where have you gotten off??? Need I say more? Love u x [USED TO BE VIDEO EPISODE BUT NOT ANYMORE LOL TECHNICAL CHAT]Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. This is Dr. Author, best-selling Dr. Author, Tony Lodge. My name is Ryan. We are calling Brianna. It's always a Brianna. Yeah. In Sydney, Australia. Brianna in Sydney? Hello. Brianna. Oh, one ring. My God, Brianna, you were right on it.

Oh my gosh. Now, it says here you're an online picker. Does that just mean you go to like the iconic and pick clothes and buy them? Right on it. Gosh. Now, it says here you're an online picker. Does that just mean you go to, like, the Iconic and pick clothes and buy them or do you, what does that mean? Puzzle shopper. Yeah. No, so five days a week I work at Woolworths and one day a week I work for the family.

Oh. So I work at Woolworths doing the online picking. Oh, right. Right. Just because when Tony, like, gets a bit crazy with the credit card at home on the laptop, she's like, oh, I'm just an online picker. Yeah. Maybe I need a personal picker.

Maybe that's what I could do. Brianna, will you approve today's podcast? Yes, of course I will. Woo-hoo. Hell yeah. Hey, it's Brianna from Sydney and I approve this podcast. Alright, welcome to the podcast. Coming up today.

I'm pretty sure we've asked this question before, but I need everybody to think about the most dramatic place they've needed to poo. And no, we are not recycling content. Believe it or not, it's a brand new story. I wasn't expecting that. Tony's doing a thing and okay. And she really needed to. Yeah.

Sorry, that's just a take. You're welcome. Call me off guard. Morning. needed to. Yeah. Sorry, that's just a take. You're welcome. Caught me off guard. Morning. Good morning. Welcome. First, though. Sorry, just your face.

Yeah, I was like, oh, okay. We're fucking on. We're going. Oh, and by the way, you probably noticed it's not a video show today. Yeah. We got caught up in Tilly's fever and didn't have enough time to edit. We did. And we, you know, when you're like, I haven't had like a real job in a long time.

And you know when it would be like, oh, we'll all go out for lunch together. And then the next day you're like, why did I do that? Yeah. That's kind of what it's been like this week. We have Tilly's regret. Yeah. We've got the hangover, like, come down time now. Yeah.

Yeah. That's okay. We're on our way back up. It's fine. It's fine. We're back. We're back. We're back.

now yeah yeah that's okay we're on our way back up we're back we're back we're back um things that make you feel good that shouldn't make you feel good last week tony made an admission about bounties revenge in perth quickly bring us up to speed um so there was a pirate ship ride at uh at adventure world in perth which is like a theme park it's the only one in perth um and it used to just like it was like a pendulum, like the boat would just rock backwards and forwards. And I said that when I visited there that when you go up, it gives you a bit of a funny sensation in your tummy, a little fanny flutter.

In your tummy. And makes you like Ginny feel good. Ginny? Ginny. And I've actually conferred with someone very close to me about whether they've experienced this also, and they gave me the affirmative. Well, did you feel vulnerable when you said that?

I really, because I say a lot of stuff. Yep. And it was one of those things that I said, and I think I even said it on the podcast. As you were saying it. I was like, I really wish I haven't started saying this. I've taken everyone's names out and just used their initials. Oh, that's nice.

But. I wish that we could have just used my initials for that day. TL said. MV said, Perth girl here, can confirm, 100% accurate. Thanks, MV. SB said, the reason I knew what Tony was going to say before she said it is the same reason I also love Bounty's Revenge as a teenager. Thanks, girl.

And TD, a Perth bloke, said in capital letters, I got my first boner on Bounty's Revenge. What a moment in time. That is so special. It is special. I like that we've all felt the same fanny flutters and boners in the same place. But guess what? What?

It's not just Bounty's revenge in Perth. What do you mean? AK said, we have a pirate ship like that in SeaWorld on the Gold Coast. And yes, Tony, us Queenslanders 100% understand what you're talking about. So it's not just, it's just that type of ride, does it? Coast to coast, baby. Coast to coast. Pirates are getting bitches off right across this country.

Coast to coast, more like moist to moist. Tony, Tony. Sorry, I didn't even rhyme. No, TLC. Wasn't it worth it? EG said, Luna Park in Melbourne has a similar ride and I had a similar experience. Well, we're not that far from Luna Park,

so if anybody needs to head on down, if your partner's not doing it for you at the moment, head on down to Luna Park. I know this is a bit commercial radio, but do we do a show from Luna Park? From the pirate ship? Okay, so... Who can get off first? But do we do a show from Luna Park? From the pirate ship? Okay. Who can get off first?

We'll all strap in. Just keep it going and see what happens. No, the three of us. And then we'll get a bunch of tapas to come down. All right, everyone's got to be honest. First one to jizz, put your hand up, you're the winner. Yeah. So it might be a bit commercial radio.

We could just film us doing it. Don't have to do a whole show from there. Okay. Because that's a little bit like, whoa, Dagwood dog. You know, like that's a bit much. But, like, I think that's fun. And going to Luna Park, what a treat. What a treat.

I've been to Luna Park once with my mum. Like, we came to Melbourne when I was a kid. Yep. And we, like, have the photo out the front of the mouth and stuff. Quite fun. Well, we can go and see Dave and Kimmy. They live across the street from Luna Park. Yeah, they live just there.

And now we can say g'day to them, take the kids to Luna Park and make a day of it. Probably can't take the kids if we're doing that. Maybe not the pirates. Yeah. Uncle Ryan, what are you guys doing today? Yeah. Oh, just jizzing on pirates.

You know. Yeah. Actually, let's separate those. Two great activities. We could go twice. I can't. I need a bit of time in between, mate. Lie down.

A few cigarettes. Yeah, I reckon. It turns out that pirate ships aren't the only thing getting it done for the tarpers, though. So, everyone, I know it's a Friday and we've got a big weekend coming up. Yeah, well, I'm going to Luna Park. Get your notepad out and take some notes. Oh, should I be writing down?

Yeah, because Luna Park ain't the only place that we might be headed, you know what I'm saying? Oh, speaking of headed. SM says... BDSM. I just went... Sorry. I know you're all revved up thinking about it.

Sorry, yeah. SM said, I just went to this place called Full Throttle in Ohio, and they have go-kart racing, and those karts really vibrate hard when the engine is turned on. Go-karting is pretty expensive, but SM says, I can tell you, it's worth every penny. Right. Because you're right on the low.

Yeah, you're like sitting on the thing. Sorry. I mean, just buy a vibrator. That would be cheaper than a go-kart, wouldn't it? Yeah, but when the kids are like, can we go to full throttle? You're like, yep. Oh, yeah. Actually, yeah.

Here's $6. Go play the shooting game. Yeah, I was going to say they've always got an arcade like at a bowling alley. Yeah, you guys go do a round of bowling. Mum and Dad are just going to jump on the go-karts. Mummy's going to have a turn. And it's just all mums. Yeah.

JM said, my gym has those leg lift machines and I was on my way to experiencing a real phenomenon called a coregasm that happens when you engage your core muscles in a specific way. I worked that machine for a hot minute, but I wasn't strong or fit enough to keep going until the conclusion. So my new fitness goals are to increase my core strength and stamina so I can get all the way to the finish line. Oh, that is amazing. amazing oh that's so funny um i've never had that happen to me

some people have it's like normal for some though hey well not that it's like normal or not normal but like i just am i doing something wrong or am i doing something right i was gonna say like that's what i want to know Like is that quote unquote supposed to happen? Like which is the right result? Because I've never come in the gym. And that's a real blight on your character. Yeah. So what's the PT's name again?

Maddie. Maddie Boland, of course. You need to say to Maddie, cool, so when I'm doing the leg machine here, my left foot goes there, my right foot goes there. What's on my vagina? Because there's nothing there at the moment. What have I misplaced here? Should there be something on my vagina?

Should there be something near my vagina? Because I'm not coming. I'm just feeling a strain in my thighs. I'm not coming. Why? You're actually like. What am I doing wrong, Matty Bowler? One day he asked me for feedback and he's like, hey,

how are you liking your journey? I'm like, look, I'll be honest, mate. I have not come once. I have not come once. You want some feedback? Here's some martial arts. I'm paying you a lot of money, bro, and I haven't come at all. Yeah.

I'm surprised. Usually, like sometimes you don't come every time. Sure. But I reckon if you leave the gym the second time or you leave, gym being his name, if you leave the second time and not coming, you're probably not going back for a third. Nah. You know what I mean? That's a great point. Do you If you leave a second time and not coming, you're probably not going back for a third. Nah. You know what I mean?

That's a great point. Do you reckon you'd give it twice? But you're paying him to go three times a week to come home and get it done yourself. I mean, what a waste of cash. I could just DIY that and do it at home. He's got a lift. B.O.

That's unfortunate initials for Brianna. That is. Poor Brianna. No. It's always Brianna. Initials for Brianna. That is. Oh, poor Brianna. No. It's always Brianna. It is always Brianna. She's the one who brought this up. Okay.

And her last name starts with a no because she knows. She knows what? No. I was working out one day on the rowing machine. Oh, this is a classic, I think. First, I felt like I was dying. Granted, rowing machine. It's fucking hard. First, I felt like I was dying. Granted, growing machine. It's fucking hard.

Second, I felt super euphoric. And third, bang, orgasm. But, like, if it, pardon what I'm about to say, comes on, like, quickly. Sorry. I said sorry. You did say sorry. Like, how would you not be in the gym and just, like, let out a yelp or something? Yeah.

Like there's just no way that like if it all happened that fast, there's no way that you wouldn't be like, yeah. Okay. Like there's just no way in hell that you wouldn't let out a little noise. Brianna said, first, I was dying. Second, euphoric. Third, orgasm. So what Tony is saying is that it should sound something like this.

Oh. Third orgasm. So what Tony is saying is it should sound something like this. That's how fast I reckon it would have happened. I missed the euphoric bit. Where's the euphoric bit in there? That was the... Oh, okay. Because I feel like if you were rowing and you're just puffed out, all of a sudden it would come over you. Don't say come over you.

And you know when your ears get a bit blocked? Yeah. Yeah. I reckon that would kind of happen and then all of a sudden it would like come over you. Don't say come over you. And you know when like your ears get a bit blocked? Yeah. Yeah. I reckon that would kind of happen and then all of a sudden. You know when your ears pop on the plane? Yep. If your ears popped and you jizzed at the same time, would that be the ultimate euphoria?

What did that girl Lauren do when you fingered her on the plane? You popped her and popped her. Don't do the hand gestures. I know no one else can see that, but I can see it. I'm just saying. That didn't happen on the plane. I'm just saying. Fuck, I'm torn.

Oh, you poor thing. Someone fingered me on a plane. Yeah. I'm torn about whether we should get lauren on the show or not because a like on one side i want her to speak the truth just to end this and on the other side like poor girl dragging her in here to cop that kind of abuse from you um well so lauren is like one of the most common girl names ever um so she probably doesn't even know it's her. She does. But I think that I don't

want you to pay someone to come in and go, oh yeah, that didn't happen when it really did. You're just going to find someone called Lauren and get her to come in. It's not going to be the real Lauren. And to be honest, I actually really enjoy the narrative of you fingering a girl on a

plane. And I don't want that to be ruined. And it wouldn't be because it did happen. We all know it. Today's editorial. Finally, Anonymous. They submitted this through confessions because they were like, I actually don't want to be added.

So I've just used the confessions form, which is clever. It's quite smart. I must have just been sitting right above a certain mechanical part on a bus because the bus seat was vibrating in such a way that i'm on my way to work with a massive hard-on didn't i say travel bonus travel bonus i did say that i covered it with my bag oh i put his bag on his lap. Must have had a big heart on. Sorry. Well, you can't just be sitting there in your pleats and... I don't know, wait a minute. But the vibrations were going right up my cooch and it felt so good.

I had to get off the bus. Don't say get off the bus. Sounds like the bus was getting you off. Get off on the bus. You didn't get off the bus. The bus got you off. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. We got there. Yeah, we got there. He says, I had to get off the bus two stops away from... I didn't know this was a thing. You know how, like, you say you fall over as a kid, you hurt yourself playing basketball or something. Sure. And the classic thing is one of the dads goes,

ah, walk it off. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I got off the bus two stops away from work so I could walk off my stiffy before I got to the office. Is that a thing? Yeah, because it takes your mind off it.

You just go, don't think about it. Yeah, because I think he thought if I go all the way to work and I get off the bus at the front door, then like. There's no hiding that. And I feel like when you've got a tight business pant, especially like a light grey instead of the black suit, it's really like, whoa, whoa. Catch a bus, mate.

Walk that off. Hey, it's Brianna from Sydney and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive shout out to a few of our champion tapas over at our Patreon. Laura Maxwell. Fucking love to see it, Lozzie. Thank you. Tyler Middlebrook. Erin Bray.

Samantha Richardson. Good on you, Samantha. Oh, Sammy Rich. Yeah? I reckon they are. I don't know her. And Leslie Hossain. What's that, Hossain? Hossain?

Love you, Leslie. Thank you. What was the last thing? Leslie Hossain. Okay. Okay. Yeah, we heard it. Yeah, okay.

We got it. Sorry. I'm so fucking out. How can we come back from this? Go check out tonyandryan.com.au. That's where you can submit your confessions and stories. But also we can get the Tony and Ryan merch, hats, T-shirts, the hoodie, and the cap as well.

The hats and the cap. That's good. And the socks. And I think there's a couple of websites that are selling Tony and Ryan merch that aren't us. Really? So don't buy from there. Yeah, fuck them.

Tonyandryan.com.au. I don't like that. Yeah, get the lawyers onto it. We don't have lawyers. Get legal onto it. We don't have legal. We'll just send Cam over there. Please stop like that. Yeah, get the lawyers onto it. We don't have lawyers. Get legal onto it. We don't have legal. We'll just send Cam over there. Please stop doing that.

Excuse me. Knock, knock, knock. Excuse me. Can I just buy them all off you so you can sell them? Yeah, would that be okay? I asked you before. I need to know. Believe it or not, we are not recycling.

But where is the most dramatic place that you've needed to poo or found yourself in the situation where you're like oh my god what am i gonna do here you're asking me now yes i mean i've got a lot of examples to choose from yeah i can see your mind going uh um probably the most ridiculous was i went to the ice hockey when it used to be, I think it's the St. Louis blues. Um, and we get to the front of the stadium and there's a huge line. And you don't like lines. Cause then I keep it claustrophobic.

I don't like lines, but I'm like on the drive in, I was like, I'm fucking it. And the guys I was driving with, I'd be fine. We'll just get to the, and you know,

by the time you find a park and you're in the city and then we got this huge line and I was like, I don't think I'm going to make it. So across the road from the stadium is a construction site and i see like some portaloos and i go i think i'm gonna have to make a dash for it and so i like cross the street and i'm like going in and this guy's like mate you can't come in here without signing in and i go i just sorry can i just use the bathroom i'm just fucking dying yeah He goes, yeah, no worries, mate. But I will need you to get you to sign in first and put on a hat and a high-vis jacket

like a visitor's badge. And he was lovely. He's like, mate, absolutely. Come on through. But I will need you to go through induction. Were you like, yeah, can I sign it after, mate? Kinda, yeah. And he's like, mate, love to let you through, but like lovely but knew the rules. Yeah. Mate, it's

all good, but I am going to need you to wear this hard hat and put this vest on, and I'm going to need you to sign here. You're like, I'm about three seconds from signing that with my fucking diarrhea. I'm touching cloth, mate. Yeah, like you need to fucking, quick game's a good game. Yeah. Yeah. I know that safety's important, but so is me not shitting myself.

Yeah. Yeah, and he goes, mate, totally understand. If I can just get you to sign that form. What did you do? Did you fucking just scroll a thing and get out of there? Yeah, so I was pooing in a hard hat, which is a real experience. That sounds like when you're at a costume party. Yeah.

I felt like that. I felt like a stripper. Yeah. And so I'm sitting on the port-a-loo with a hard hat. And because obviously you are. Sitting in the port-a-loo with a hard on. No, but like you're trying to, because port-a-loo with a hat on. No, but like you're trying to, because I'm not experienced in a hard hat,

you need to like keep your balance to keep the hat on. Oh, yeah, otherwise it like topples off. So you can't like, you know. What were you doing in there? Well, you just got to get the right angle. What do you mean? Like the reach down, do you mean? Well, like if you reach to get toilet paper, you can't reach too far because your helmet will fall off.

And if you want to lean back to let out a groan, you can't do that because you've got a hard hat on, you'll fucking hit the back of the portal. At least you won't hurt yourself. Safety first. Safety first. Then teamwork. Is that random enough for you?

Yeah, it's pretty random. And I think the great part about that is like you had no options. Like you were like, I need to come up with a solution right the fuck now. Otherwise, something terrible is going to happen. If I were to, like, in hindsight, it probably took me longer to sign in than I could have just gone into the stadium. But how was I to know that? It's like, though, when you feel like you're making a move towards what you want to do

rather than standing there and just waiting for it to happen. Yeah, absolutely, yep. So yours was in another country. St. Louis. Very, very exotic. Yep. Mine was at home. Sorry, I don't know if anyone would describe St. Louis as exotic.

I think I was, like, using comedy. Great. Yeah, that's okay. But mine was at home, my own house. Oh, usually that's a safe haven. Well, yeah at home, my own house. Oh. Usually that's a safe haven. Well, yeah, you would think so, wouldn't you? Especially your place.

Your place is nice. Two toilets. Two bathrooms. So we know that there's always a backup if someone's using one. Well, you and I can go at the same time. And isn't it romantic? It is. And often we use the separate bathrooms, but often.

Yeah. Sometimes we do. Not every time. Yeah, not every time. A sword fight between friends? Yes, except normally it's a turd fight. Sorry. I don't know. Anyway, so I've been looking online for a while at something.

As you know, I always research everything before I buy it. I've been looking for a while at AirPod Maxes, you know, the new Apple apple headphones the like over ear ones and they're they're kind of pricey and so i've watched like 80 fucking youtube videos i'd read every single like geeks to you online.com article about them as the audio queen of the show and a sound engineer who has studied the sound thank you you. Has your research, has it come up, like, what are your findings? Well, everybody was saying that they're really, really good headphones. Okay, great.

And I'm an Apple person. Like, I've got, like, MacBook Pro, like, my phone, everything I like when it all talks to each other. Isn't it very satisfying when your ecosystem is? It actually is, yeah. And you know how you can, like, airdrop from your phone to your computer and everything's just easier and it's just so good. Anyway, so I was kind of looking into them and I was like,

oh, yeah, like pretty expensive. Anyway, it had been about three weeks before I'd been doing all this research and thinking about it. And this day last week I woke up and decided like it was the day. Fuck yeah, today's the day, bitches. I was just like, yep, like I've done all my research. I know that this is what I want to do. I had a look at JB Hi-Fi online, my preferred electronics retailer.

Excuse, sorry? I'm a big JB Hi-Fi person. Is there any hashtag ad? No, I just like really like JB Hi-Fi. My preferred electronics provider. Yeah, I just really like jb hi-fi i think all the people that work there are really cool i i don't know i don't disagree with any of that but i feel like i would just say like a shop when i say or like where i get

gadgets when i say my preferred electronics provider yeah it sounds very cool before when i said exotic i think i was just like using comedy once again. Yeah. I'll flag it next time. Just raise your hand when you're doing comedy. Yeah, okay, I will. But like I'm a J.B. Hi-Fi guy. Like I really like it. And I looked online. They had them in stock but not the black.

And I was like. You do like black. You are a Melbourne girl. Yeah. And I was like I'm obviously not going to get blue or red. No, you're not a psychopath. Why do they even make those fucking colours? Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah. Anyway, and then I had a look at Officeworks online. It said that they had the black, but they were in low stock, like at the Officeworks near me. So do you like leg it and you're like, fuck, low in stock, fucking go? Well, I was like, I'll call them. Oh, yeah. Because otherwise I was going to get there.

Waste a whole trip. Well, not even waste the trip but just like get there and then feel like dev that they didn't have them. Yeah. Anyway, so I get on the phone to see if they have them. This girl answers and she's absolutely lovely. She's like, let me go and have a look for you and she puts me on hold. I'm on hold for about five minutes and about halfway through being on hold i realize

that it's time for my morning poo did you not have an inkling before you uh made the call well once it comes on it's like it's time now well i mean a bit of that but also because i was like busy i was like looking at things and doing stuff, I wasn't really thinking about it. And then so as soon as I was on hold, I kind of like my cortisol dropped and then my body was like, yes, it's time. That's not cortisol, that is your bowels. Yes, exactly. I forgot to raise my hand.

That was hilarious. Anyway, so I'm about two and a half minutes into being on hold. I don't know how long it's going to be until she comes back. And I'm like, fuck, do I risk it? And, like, put her on mute or something. Like, you know, like, do you take a chance? Can people hear when you're in the bathroom? As in, like, the echo?

The echo of the tiles? I don't know. Because many a time, yeah, we've all thought about it. We've all done it. Like, I don't even think you need to, like, lie and say, we've all thought about it. Like, we've all done it. And you never know whether you've gotten away with it or not. Yeah. We've all done it. Like, I don't even think you need to, like, lie and say, we've all thought about it. Like, we've all done it. And you never know whether you've gotten away with it or not.

Yeah. We've all done it. Anyway, and so I'm like, oh, do I risk it? And I'm, like, just about to be like, I need to. Like, I'm going to shit myself. She answers again. And I'm like, oh, it goes straight back up inside me. And I go, okay.

And she goes, oh, are you still there? And I was like, yep, yep, yep, yep. And she goes, oh, are you still there? And I was like, yep, yep, yep, yep. I'm definitely not in the bathroom. Not pooing. She goes, oh, I can't find them, but there's like one more place I can have a look. Do you mind if I put you on hold again? And I was like, oh, totally fine.

Yep, like do you mind having a look? Did you say like exactly how long do you think that will take? How long do you think? No. It won't be long. Actually, sweetheart, fucking take your time. Take your time. Yeah, use this as your break if you want.

And she puts me on hold again and I was like, okay, should I risk it? And then I was like, she probably won't be long because she's already come back to like let me know of the update. Anyway, she comes back a few minutes later. I'm like, I probably could have gotten away with that, but I've missed my window now. And then does that make you feel even more stressed? Because you're like, I had a chance. And because the poo in my body is like kind of like. Are we on or not?

It's in and it's out and it's up and it's down and I'm like. And you know when you do that like wiggle, you're like on the couch or whatever and you're like. I wish this was a video episode so everyone could see that. See that, yeah. Anyway, she comes back like a minute and a half later and I've decided that it's not the time to poo. Okay.

She comes back like a minute and a half later. She says, we've got one pair in stock, but I'll let you know like they are selling really fast. Like this is why I couldn't find these ones. Right. So it's like if you want to get this one, like fucking get down here. And I said, look, are you able to put them aside for me? Yeah.

And she goes, we can't do that. Yeah. And I was like, fuck. And I was like, all right, what if I was there in like the next seven minutes? Seven? I was like, I reckon I could get in the car, get to my local office works and like park and get in there in the next like five to seven minutes. Yeah.

And she goes, oh, if it is five minutes, that's okay. And I was like. Seven, maybe not. Five, yes. And she goes, if it's five minutes, that's okay. Like, if you can come now, that's all right. And I was like, all right, great. So I've, like, just woken up.

I don't know if everyone remembers that. No bra, literally wearing, like um i pulled some jeans on and a jumper no bra like and sprinted to the office works still need to poo still desperate to poo i wouldn't have left the hat but i'm like well there's no time to poo because i need to get the air maxes not the shoes the whatever they're called air pods yeah max um i need to secure these shoes. I'm stressed thinking about this. I'm so stressed hearing this. I need to go to the bathroom right now.

So I'm like, I jump in my car and I pull out of my house and then I'm like, I really need to poo, but I've got to get these things. Otherwise, I won't get them because I've been thinking about it for three weeks. And then when I woke up, I was like, I need these today. And when the inspiration strikes, you need to use that while you've got it. Harness it.

Yes, exactly. Don't let the inspiration pass. Otherwise, I still, like, wouldn't have gotten them. And I would have gone, oh, no, like, oh, I don't really need them or whatever. And I just would have, like, talked myself out of it. Am I about to hear for a second time you've shat in the Audi? No. So I'm absolutely desperate to poo.

I get into the office work. She goes, oh, my God, like you got here so quickly. And I was like, yep. Yep, sure did. Let's fucking get this show on the road, sweetheart. I get the headphones and then because like they're pretty expensive, there's like quite a bit of security. Like you can't just like tap your card and go.

Yeah, they're like, oh. They're like, oh, we can't. They're like, oh, we can't. They're like, oh, we can't. They're like, oh, we can't. They're like, oh, we can't. They're like, oh, we can't. They're like, oh, we can't.

They're like, oh, we can't. They're like, oh, we can't. They're like, oh, we can't. They're like, oh, we can't. They're like, oh, we can't. They're like, oh, we can't. They're like, oh, we can't. They're like, oh, we can't.

They're like, oh, we can't. They're like, oh, we can't. Yeah, there's a tag and they can't bring them to the front of the counter until I've paid for them so that like I don't run off with them and stuff. Anyway, I get home. Oh, so you made it back home. So I make it back home. Thank God.

I was going to say, pooing in an Officeworks is more embarrassing than ordering a steak at a bowling alley. You've done both. Yeah. I get home. I, like, throw my keys on the bench and I get so excited about the new headphones that I kind of forget about the poo. I'm questioning how badly you needed to go.

But, like, I think just, again, I was distracted. Although it poo times passes, though, eh? Yeah, like, depending on the type of poo. Yep, thanks. I'm glad that you knew what I meant. I get it. But I kind of got so excited about seeing them up because I'd been looking at them online for so long.

I was like, oh, I want to like connect them to my phone and stuff and see like what the noise cancelling is like. Anyway, I forget about the poo and then like some amount of time passes and my phone pings and it's like telling me that I'm supposed to be in a meeting. And so I like quickly jump on the phone and then I'm like, oh, well, now I really need to poo. And then the meeting goes for an hour.

Was I in the meeting? Yeah, it was you. It doesn't matter. But I didn't smell a rat? Oh, no, no, no. And you would have if you knew. Anyway, and then so I'm on this meeting for an hour and everyone's like, anyway, and I'm like, yeah.

And then because I'm wearing the new headphones, everyone's like, oh, how are the new headphones? Tell me everything about them. Literally. And I was just like in a fucking world of pain. They're great. Thanks for asking. And I'm in my own home.

I'm like a prisoner of war in my own fucking home. I can't go to the toilet. I'm stuck on this meeting, but I got these great fucking headphones on. I actually know the exact pain you're talking about because I'm experiencing it right now. All right. Well, let's quickly get out of here. Do you want me to go now or do we finish the episode? I actually know the exact pain you're talking about because I'm experiencing it right now. All right, well, let's quickly get out of here. Do you want me to go now or do we finish the episode? Let's finish the episode.

All right, my You Love To Say It is Nelly and Tim McGraw did a collab in 2004. It was awesome. That is not a good You Love To Say It. Excuse me. That's a terrible You Love To Say It. You don't love that song? Is that what I said? Do you love the song? You don't even know it. Is that what I said? Do you love the song?

You don't even know it. I got another one. Oh. I've got to get love to say it. Okay. Tapa Shannon purchased something special but wanted to wait for the perfect occasion. Okay. She's currently in Fiji with a big group of friends.

The sun was setting. It's happy hour at the poolside bar. And she thought, I'll go on Bounty's Revenge. I will go go-kart racing. I will get on the rowing machine. She thinks this is the moment. What is it? She finally opens the normal or nah card game.

All the friends played together The drinks were flowing The laughs were regular The outrage was huge A great success Oh, that's amazing You'll have to see that And she posts a little photo

And it's like the cards And then like this with the ocean in the background Like it was a sexy shot Oh my god, we should use that in the marketing We should Those cards are still available, by the way. Yep, link in bio. Go and check them out.

That's an amazing you love to see. I love to see it. Yeah, that's good. Much better than the song you fucking said. The song is good. You hate Tim McGraw and Nelly. No, I don't. The song is good.

It's just not a good you love to see it. Are you saying you don't love to see it? No. No. They're not the same. They're not the same. Anyway. Do you love to see it. No. No. They're not the same. They're not the same. Anyway. Do you love to hear it?

I like the song. I was the one that brought the song up. It didn't sound like it on the podcast because people can't hear what's happening in the office. Are you gaslighting me? No. Anyway. Hurry up. Do you want me to go slower?

No. My love to see it is Georgie Greer, who is an actor and a writer. She's recently gone viral on social media after showing a picture of herself crying backstage at her play that she was putting on at Edinburgh. Edinburgh, isn't it? Not Edinburgh. I always fuck that up and everyone's like, ah, Edinburgh. So she had a fringe show. She got all excited.

She got this show and no one came. And she posted online and was like, oh, no one came to my show tonight and I'm like really gutted. And then she ended up selling out all of the rest of her shows in her run because it went viral. And she got like, Ben Stiller replied to her tweet and said, we've all been there. I've done entire movies where no one came to the theatre

for the opening weekend. Keep going in the face of that because it can be really hard but you need to keep going. I think I didn't know the outcome but I did see some replies from other big comedians. And you think these big successful comedians from day one are doing stadiums that they've been successful the whole time just to hear from them being like hey mate it's not it's it's actually normal yeah and we've all been through that um and it was just like a really nice reminder to like yeah keep going because

even though it sucks sometimes keep doing the fucking blog yeah you need to keep doing the fucking blog exactly right um but yeah i thought you need to keep doing the fucking blog. Exactly right. But yeah, I thought you loved to say that. I do love to say that. I do love to say that. Thank you. Would you say she's a better onstage act than Nally and Tim McGraw? I thought you really needed to go.

Got a bus to catch, mate. It was a good deal to say. Thank you. I'm lashing out because you're the show of the month. Because you need to poo Yeah and that too Thank you so much for listening Sorry it wasn't a video

I'll be back as normal Next week Yep Okay love you See you bye Okay love you bye