Toni and Ryan - Cosplay at the gas station

Episode Date: February 16, 2022

We argue about Ryan's top three facts and talk about the DUMBEST FUCKING THINGS you've ever heard. Love ya! T xx Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello? Hello, is this, is it Alona? No. How do I pronounce the name? Iona. Iona. I'm so embarrassed. Iona, your apology.

There's no way that she's going to approve the podcast now. I get it a lot. Well, Iona, can you do us a favour and approve it anyway? Yeah, of course. Oh, thanks, Iona. Hi, it's Iona from the Shetland Islands, and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. I got a message. Julia.

Hi, Julia. Do you guys always deliberately wear the same thing? That's very funny. It is... Sorry that we're both stylish, Julia, and we wear the same clothes. Hey, Julia, when you're on a good thing... Don't change it. Don't fix it if it ain't broken.

But, yes, right now both of us are wearing, like, a mull grey T-shirt and a blue denim jacket. One of us is going to have to change. Well, I can't take my top off, so... Not with that attitude. Not if we're filming. Oh, of course. Just privately.

Just privately. Okay, I'll take the jacket off. Heaven forbid we're wearing the same thing. Mate, it happens every... Oh, you're tangled. Oh. Oh, my God. If this is your first episode of Tony and Ryan...

Oh, is that a Levi's denim jacket? Fucking doing all right. What brand is yours? Cotton On. The good people at Cotton On. I love Cotton On. Yeah, so do I. Actually, literally everything that I'm wearing brand is yours? Cotton On. The good people at Cotton On. I love Cotton On. Yes, I do. Actually, literally everything that I'm wearing right now is from Cotton On.

Must be nice. Yeah. Hey, welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. If this is the first time you've listened, welcome. We're always more professional and there's actually not a lot of fashion chat. How about you rattle off, in case this is someone's first episode, you rattle off three facts about yourself? Can I?

Why don't you rattle off three facts about me and I'll do it about you? I hate talking about myself. Okay. Yeah, no, that's right. The Tony and Ryan podcast. I hate talking about myself. All right, Ryan, you're 34. Yep.

You love sport. You love, like, going for a run, watching sport. You, like, love watching, like, you're 34. Yep. You love sport. You love going for a run, watching sport. You love watching Aussies compete in sport. You love watching the cricket and stuff like that. You're very supportive. Not that that's wrong, but I wouldn't have put that in my top three. I wouldn't say I'm a sporty guy. Oh, but it's just something you like.

Is it because I'm wearing high-top Nikes now and I'm dressed as an off-duty tennis player? No. You always wear those shoes. Thank you. Oh, well, okay, I'll just stop then. Sorry for putting sport in the top fucking three. No, no, you go.

No. I think I'm just self-conscious because when you look at me, you don't think he's a sporty guy. No, but I'm not saying you like watching sport. He's into sports. Oh, what do you do? Oh, no, he watches the sports. He watches sports.

I didn't say you did anything. Okay, no, I'm back with you now. I'm with you. You love ginger beer. I do love ginger beer. Yep. And you love cuddling with your dog. I do.

You love your dog maybe more than anyone else in the world. Let me tell you about Tony. Tony came to my house yesterday, laid on her back on the couch and invited my dog to lay on top of her. So I would say that you love cuddles with my dog just as much as I do. Any dog. But BJ is a very smoochy little dog. He is.

He really loves you as well. He's really sucking up to you yesterday. He does love me, yeah. Tony's also the most hilarious person you'll meet but also very kind-hearted and would do anything for anyone. Yeah, you're fucking sucking up to me now because you're bloody pushing me under the bus lately.

Are we fighting? No. I think we're just in a bad mood because we got kicked out of our studio yesterday. We did. It's been a fucking, it's been a weekend for us. I know that it's now Thursday, but it has been a weekend for us. Thanks to our friends at Spotify for helping us out.

Hey, the dumbest thing you've ever heard. You know when someone says something really dumb because you're polite, because I'm polite, because people in the Tony and Ryan podcast mean he's polite, you often just go, okay, sure. Yeah. But sometimes you just really wish you had have just called that person out in the moment. It's like when you are talking to someone and you know

that they're lying and it could be a really bad lie or a really innocent white lie, it doesn't matter, but when you hear you know that they're lying and it could be a really bad lie or a really innocent white lie, it doesn't matter, but when you hear someone talking and they're lying and you're just like, really? Really, great. But how awkward is that? And you just really want to be like, bro, I know that you're lying because Ryan told me this the other day or whatever,

but then you're the arsehole. So it's like, oh, is it really? Okay. So what we're going to do now is I'm going to set the scene where tarpers have found themselves. They were polite, but I'm going to get you to react how they wanted to react so they can live through you. But what if people think I'm not polite?

Well, they're not. Okay. But you know what? When you hear some of these stories, they don't deserve polite. Okay. Okay. All right. Lay it on me.

Tracy writes in. Hi, Tracy. A friend of mine was working at a restaurant and I was having a coffee there and she was closing up and cleaning and I was having coffee because we were going to go out together after she finished her shift. Oh, lovely. Lovely. I asked why there was a light on front of the vacuum cleaner

and she said, It's so I can see where I'm vacuuming in case the power goes off. So Tracy's like, okay, yep, cool. But, of course, what she probably really wanted to say was. If the fucking power's out, you can't fucking vacuum anything and the light's going to fucking turn off. Oh, I was with her until she said, if the power goes off. Oh, how's she got a job?

Honestly, like, are we sure? Okay, right on. Julia is a tattoo artist. Have you seen Julia in the group? No, I don't think so. Well, just imagine a Julia who's a tattoo artist. Okay, yeah. So she's obviously an absolute fox.

You love a tattooed person. You would see a picture of Julia and she would do you in. Yeah, I do love a tattooed person. Julia, I'll Google you after this. One customer expected me to give him a chest tattoo without removing his shirt first. Sorry? Yep.

And then proceeded to ask, do you really need to put the needle inside my skin? Can't you just sort of mark it on the top? Obviously, Julia is a professional and she was polite and explained the normal process to the customer. But I'm sure what she really wanted to say to him was... I'm dumbfounded. I can't even believe that that happened.

Yeah, we will actually have to take your shirt off because it's going onto the skin and not just the top of the skin because otherwise it would just wash off. It has to go under the skin. You fucking moron. What did they think was going to, what? Did they think that he was going to... What? Did they think that he was going to draw on his T-shirt?

Or just sketch across with some charcoal? Like, what did they think was going to happen? Oh, my... I feel so sorry for people in a front-facing job. Yeah. Like, that are dealing with the public each day because you would hear some fucking shockers. Katie Povey. Hi, Katie.

I was working at a gas station. This would fucking annoy me to no end. I was working at a gas station. I was standing behind the till. Yes. Right? So there's the register and there's all the mints and whatever. Don't.

I fucking know exactly what you're about to say. And I'm wearing a full gas station uniform with the brand of the gas station printed across my chest on the T-shirt behind the till. And this person walks up and goes, do you work here? And she said, because Katie is polite and lovely, yes, I do. How can I help you? But I'm sure what she would have loved to have said was. Nah, I'm fucking cosplaying a fucking person that works

at this fucking petrol station, you fucking idiot. But, yeah, hand over your credit card just in case. I'm cosplaying. I don't work here, but it just really gets me going, that thought of working at a server. I just dress up and try to bang guys in the fucking. Yeah, no, we're filming a fucking porno and it has to look like I work here.

I'm pumping the gas, if you know what I mean. Like, what the fuck? Have you got some gum? Gloucester needs pumping. What the fuck? Do you work here? Oh, my God. Imagine.

How? If I was Katie, and again, she is at work. She is a professional. Yeah. So she says what she needs to say. Of course. And you go, oh, yeah, I do. But wouldn't you love to just keep a straight face and be like, oh no, sorry.

No, I think that guy does. Yeah. Hi, it's Eleanor from Shetland Islands and I and Ryan podcast. I've got a quick update because in the Patreon last week, there was a letter from the desk of Dr Tony Lodge. Yes, there was, yeah. So all the Patreons read it.

But if you aren't in there, we promised that we would run, was it two metres for every Patreon we had? Yeah, something like that. So we got 1,000 and so that means we're going to run two kilometres. Two k's, yeah. Do you just want to tell just a quick boot, because are you still sans bra? Yes. So as everybody knows, earlier in the year we did have a bit of a brush with a scare that I had cancer.

I had to have a biopsy. I've got like this fungal infection in the year, we did have a bit of a brush with a scare that I had cancer. I had to have a biopsy. I've got this fungal infection in my breast, so I'm not really allowed to get it wet, so I can't get sweaty or wear a bra or go swimming or do anything. I don't think you need to explain to anyone that not being able to wear a bra, we thought maybe let's just push it back a few weeks. Could you imagine running braless? Oh, my God.

I would knock myself out. My tits would fly up and kill me. So the run will happen. Yes, it is coming. Everyone understands, but just in case you missed the notch from Dr Tony Lodge. But also we aren't trying to get out of it. We will do the run.

And also in Aussie, it's fucking hot at the moment. I can't imagine doing the run at the moment, but it is coming. And maybe we'll come up with something else that we could do for fun as well. Someone, I thought we'd do the run first, but someone has suggested the next challenge. And how much should I give away? Oh, I don't know anything. So keep it a secret for now, I reckon.

All I'll say is that there could be permanent consequences. Tattoo. P be permanent consequences. Tattoo. Permanent consequences. Nice. We'll fucking call on Julia. So do they have to take the clothes off for the tattoo or can they just do it over the top? A big thank you to a couple of our champion tapas.

I know you're covered in tats and you're holding a tattoo. Do you work here? Do you work here? Oh, okay. I thought you were just a valet. Yeah, a valet and a tattoo. Do you take here? Do you work here? Oh, okay. I thought you were just a valet. Yeah, a valet in a tattoo parlor. Do you take my keys? Mate, that shows from the different worlds we're from.

Valet. I've never used a valet before. I had an idea for a TV show when I lived in Thailand. Yeah. It was called PP Inc. So you know how there's Miami Inc., that original TV show? Yes, yeah. So there's a tattoo parlor on PP Island.

LA Inc. is such a good show. On PP Island, it there's a tattoo parlour on PP Island. Fucking LA Ink is such a good show. On PP Island, it's like a party island in Thailand. Yep. And there's an all-night tattoo place. So there's people who are- There's bad decisions happening in there, yep. And I was just like, this is fantastic. So people, it's like 2am and they're like,

we should fucking get each other's faces tattooed on our assholes. Yeah, let's fucking get in there. I'd get your face tattooed on me. I mean, the next type challenge is on the way. Yeah. And I just thought how good would be like, you know, those little really well edited tight little TV shows. Yeah.

And then this is what happened. The next morning the camera crew rocks up and goes, so what did you do last night? Oh, that's funny. How do you feel about it now? And then the final one, they call their parents and tell them what they've done. That's good. I mean, not everyone can call their parents. If you had a parent's call. How do you feel about it now? And then the final one, they call their parents and tell them what they've done. That's good.

I mean, not everyone can call their parents. If you had a parent's call. If you had parents, yeah. So you probably won't be on the episode. Yeah, I haven't been called back by the producers. But you did get to meet your biological mother, which is nice. It was nice, yeah, until she was taken from me drastically. Yeah.

Bit like you got to meet her, so. Yeah. But, I mean, is it better to have loved and to have lost than to have never loved at all? I wouldn't know. Nothing to compare to. Yeah. At least your mother who loves you dearly, Mandy, is still with us.

She is. Thank the Lord. Thank the Lord. That ya-ya is still alive. She is still alive. Thank you. So keep eating, kids, the show. A big thank you to a few of our champion tapas that would have seen

the note from Dr Tony Lodge and will be contributing to our next challenge. Emma Farker, Emma Farker, hardly know her. Holly Seymour, The Big Deal, Jack Cameron and James. Thank you so much for being part of our Patreon. It's a fucking pleasure to have you and you love to say it. We're off the rails because it's fucking Thursday and we're fucking, it's loose.

Now, this week, now actually let me just check what this song is here. Nice. Does this feel like Catch Me If You Can music? Yeah, it does. It's the Pink Panther theme. Pink Panther, yeah. But I feel like there's a bit of a crossover. Like just the vibe of it felt very like.

Yeah, it does have that energy, doesn't it? And this is the first thing I wanted to say about Catch Me If You Can. Everyone voted on their most favourite old school Leonardo DiCaprio movie. What did we say? Classic Leo or something? Pre-2000. Yeah. Great movie.

For some reason, and maybe it's because it's a bit quirky and funny and Pink Panther-esque, I didn't put it in the category of like epic movie. You know, Titanic is epic. Yeah. The Great Gatsby is big epic. I, for some reason, didn't put it in that category. And then when we watch it, I'm like, Tom Hanks. Amy Adams.

All these A-grade. Jennifer Garner's in it. Yeah. All these A-grade stars. It's directed by Spielberg. Yeah. It is an epic. It is a fantastic movie.

Like, and I would definitely consider it an epic, but I maybe wouldn't consider it a Leo epic. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, because there's something that has never clicked in my mind is this maybe because it's, you know, not bandied around and won heaps of Oscars and stuff. But it is a really great movie. I just cannot.

So this is the second time I've watched this movie. I cannot get over the fact that it is a true story. It's unbelievable. Like, it is insanity. You're watching it and you're just like, oh, well, they've obviously, you know, added a bit of GST to this story. Yeah, they've put a bit of Hollywood brush over the top. But it's fuck, like the whole thing happened.

It is insane to me. Yeah. And the moments of going, sometimes they reference his age and you go, he's still 18? Yeah. The doctor slash lawyer slash pilot with $5 million and he's, like, 19 next month? What the fuck?

It's crazy. It's insane. I honestly, like. Is it impressive or are you, like, you're a criminal? I mean, it's still impressive because he did all that research into how, like, you know, like, he was obviously very good at what he did, considering that at the end, no spoilers, because it came out in like 2004 or something.

But, you know, at the end of the movie, the FBI hire him for the rest of his prison sentence so that he can work for them and look at dodgy checks and stuff. The way that he can look at it and knows what's happened and that it's been perforated, not cut and stuff, I'm like, it is like... He's a gun at what he does. It's and that it's been perforated, not cut and stuff. I'm like, it is like. He's a gun at what he does. It's an incredible operation that is, you know.

But, yeah, so this was the second time I've watched this movie and it was a lot better the second time. I think the first time I was like a bit confused and maybe I wasn't really concentrating or whatever, but the second time because the timeline jumps around a little bit. It's like. Does it jump around that much? Well, right at the beginning of the movie, it's like the end of the film and then they go back again and then they go back again and then it goes to the beginning.

There's a lot going on. Yeah, but the second time you watch it, because you know the story by then, it's easier to watch. But I loved it. It was so good. I reckon I've watched it 10 times. Sure. But you love things with like a heist and a whodunit and a mystery and like a.

Well, yeah, you should have put that in the three things about Ryan. Oh, yeah, you do love movies like that. Loves the murder mystery. And if there were like ticking boxes, stolen money. Oh, tick. Oh, tick. A bit of a mystery and a sneaky guy doing some clever things. A twist, yep.

Tick, a twist. Tick. DiCaprio. Tick. Tick, tick, tick. Yeah. So I don't think I've sat down to watch it like I did last night or the night before whenever I watched it.

Usually it's just like on in the background and stuff and I've caught snippets of it from time to time. Well, put in Catch Me If You Can on in the background and stuff, and I've caught snippets of it from time to time. What? Putting Catch Me If You Can on in the background? Yeah, you know when you're like doing something on your computer and you're like, oh, I'll just chuck a movie on in the background. No, but like you put on like The Office or Monsters, Inc. You don't put on a movie where you're like concentrating on what's going on.

That's like not a movie you put on in the background. It's not like a hardcore sci-fi. It's pretty like when you know the story, it's kind of there's some fun scenes. You're like, oh, this is a fun scene. I just can't believe that that is something you would put on. You are such a weird person. That is like an intense movie to put on. It's like being like, oh, yeah, I'm going to work on my computer,

so I'll just put on fucking Requiem for a Dream. Like what? Well, I think there's movies that I've never, I think I want to mention this before. I've never watched from start to finish, but I've probably watched like the devil. When we watch the devil's where's Prada? Yes. I don't think I'd ever watched that from start to finish, but I reckon I'd seen the whole movie scene by scene, patch by patch over a few years. Oh, it's on. I'll watch this scene. And then anyway, back to what I was doing. Yeah. For instance, I reckon I've seen the scene in Catch Me If You Can

where Tom Hanks catches him and he pretends to be Secret Service. The CIA, oh. Because that's on like TikTok. I've seen that scene a hundred times. Yeah, right. And just from patches and bits and pieces, oh, this is, I'll watch that on YouTube for five minutes before I get started or when I'm, you know, eating lunch or get back to work,

oh, let's watch a scene. But, yeah, you don't watch movies. But I put movies on all the time, like, and I'm, yeah, working in the background or posting our TikToks or, you know, whatever and doing stuff. But I just can't imagine putting on, like, an intense movie in the background. When I was in college, we probably had the movie channel on from the day

I got there and turned it off when I left. It was just on for the year. But what if it was a movie you didn't like? Well, again, it's just on in the background. So when you're in a college dorm, you're hanging out with your friends, whatever, you're doing a bit of homework, chatting, hanging out, you're coming in and out. But the movie, it was just on the whole time.

And don't must be nice electricity bill fucking at me. Yeah, I buy fuel whenever I need it, but your TV is just on all the time. Now, here's a question for you. Did the movie give you ideas in like, oh, I could probably fucking roll a scam? Absolutely not. Me neither. Cool. I can't lie, and you know that.

I would never be able to run a scam. Are you fucking serious? I'm sweating thinking about it, and I didn't even do it. This is so true. We should make you do a scam. No. No fucking way. Actually, have I told you my favourite idea for this podcast?

What? What's the idea? Which is the second worst thing I could do to you ever was make you do a scam. The worst thing. Have I told you this? No. You have to go up to a person in a supermarket who clearly does not work there and go, excuse me, do you work here? What would you do?

I'd feel really rude, but I would try and go up to someone with a kind face. You don't get to choose them. Oh, okay. Like that guy, go and ask him if he works here. I'll do anything for you. Well, I guess it is for me. It's for you. But I would have assumed you'd just vomit in the aisle.

Like I don't want to do it. I'd be embarrassed, but like... All right, we'll do the scam instead. Fuck you then. Speaking of scams, though, sorry, have you watched Tinder Swindler on Netflix yet? I want to watch it every night, and because we've had some late days,

every time I get home, Bridget's like, it's too heavy. It's late in the night. It looks heavy. Is it heavy? I mean, it's kind of heavy, but it's not like dark. Right. Like, it's quite easy to watch, but it's so fucking good. You should watch it. Again, can't believe it fucking happened.

It's absolutely ridiculous. And he's still around and doing it. Yeah, he's all good. He got banned from Tinder and that's it. Like, he's fucking, oh, it's very good. Will I get angry at this guy? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, you hate the character, but it's a really good movie.

All right. Hey, should we do for movies next week, like, let's do documentaries, but they're all, like, scams. Oh. Because there's a bunch of, like, scams. Dirty Money is a great series on Netflix. But is that a documentary? It's a series of different...

It's got an episode on dodgy pharmaceuticals and an episode on stolen banknotes. Oh, a bit like that... Who's that chick, the Theranos chick? Oh, hey, um... Things you love to see. The Trentham Monkey Forest in the UK. Yeah.

It's mating season for the monkeys, but because it's cold, the monkeys, like, aren't really in the mood. So the zoo has hired a Marvin Gaye impersonator to come and do some, like, sexy little Marvin Gaye numbers to kind of set the tone for the monkeys, so they start doing it. You'll have to see that. Does it work? Going at it like monkeys.

I just can't understand how that would work for them. Don't you like, I mean, the people in your apartment like the music? Yeah, they do. But I just can't imagine like a monkey responding to sexy music and then that putting them in the mood. Isn't that just like the funniest thing you've ever heard? Yes. Hang on, let me see if we can...

It's fine. It's fine. I was going to play some Marvin Gaye. I can't find it. But I just love to see monkeys doing that. No, no, and that's great. It's great to see Marvin Gaye impersonator still getting work. Getting work.

Yeah, that's right. Yeah, you do love to see that. My love to see it is very lame and very superficial. But Torb's my boyfriend. Been doing it for eight years, for seven or whatever it is. He started using a Frank Green water bottle. He did not. Yeah.

He has been influenced. Yeah. Infiltrated. Incepted. He's part of the cult. He's got a Frank Green water bottle. Yeah. And he loves it.

And he sits there and he like sits on his straw like it's very cute. Can I just say a big thank you to people in the podcast community who have emailed Frank Green, DM Frank Green, demanding. I still haven't heard anything from them. I'll keep you all posted. It's the collaboration that the world needs to see. I think it is too. Tony times Frank times Green.

Yeah, I think that'd be great. But nothing yet. Hopefully it comes soon. But Torbs is obviously added to the tally. Well, they won't want to do a collab if we've already bought some. Okay, everyone's going to have to buy two. Well, that's when you're going to hear

the first of the Tony and Ryan merchandise. That was very funny. Thank you. I like that. For me or just generally? No, that was good. Oh, that's cute. I'd like to do a hat though. Really? Yeah. A Tony and Ryan, like a cap. Oh, that's cute. I'd like to do a hat, though. Really? Yeah.

A Tony, like a cap? Yeah, like a cap. I'd wear that if it said tarp on it. That would be sick. That's sick, hey? All right, let's look into this. All right, but the podcast's over, so love you. Hope you had a great week.

Can't wait to show you the meowchandise. We're very smouted. Bye, love you.