Toni and Ryan - Cross-legged on a Toilet

Episode Date: September 29, 2024

What is normal, plus normal, but that makes it.... nah? Love ya xoxooxCheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Dr. Arthur, best selling Dr. Arthur Tony Lodge. We are calling Casey, who's in San Antonio, Texas. Texas. Everything's bigger in Texas, they say. I just had American barbecue for dinner the other night

and we had the leftovers last night. How was it? Oh, so good. Yeah. In leftovers as well. Can you just? Hello, Casey. It's Tony and Ryan. How you doing? I'm fine.

How are y'all? Oh, only fine. Casey, what's, what's happening? I'm just really excited. She's really excited. Well, I'm actually excited, Casey, because I believe from Texas, you have a joke for us. I do. And I hear Tony saying this in my head when I say it, so I'm really sorry.

Oh no, it's okay. It's okay. No, I love it. Okay. How does a Japanese dog say hello? Don't even know she's been there twice. How? I've been.

Konnichiwa. Konnichiwa? Oh, I'm sorry. Can he she wawa? I don't get it. I'm sorry. Did I bomb it? No, I'm sorry. Sorry. I don't get it. Ryan's losing it.

Casey, so you have been. Chihuahua! Chihuahua! I get it! So I'm so sorry. Can- Can I eat Chihuahua? I get it. I get it.

I love it. Oh, I like it. I love it. That's... Oh, I like that. That's really funny. Oh. Wow. It's going to be a great show today, I reckon. It always is. Casey, will you approve today's podcast? I will.

Maybe. I don't know. Oh, maybe. Okay. I was going to and then Tony ruined my know. Oh, maybe. Okay. I was going to and then Tony ruined my joke. Yeah, it was definitely Tony that ruined it. My apologies everyone.

I'd like to make an apology. Hi, this is Casey from San Antonio, Texas and I approve this podcast. Welcome to a new show. Welcome to a new week. Hope we're all fired up for a big one. Fired up for a big one. Love the enthusiasm you bring to today. Thank you. It's a new week. Fired up for a big one. I'm a new person. I'm fresh. I'm fresh. Wow. I love that. Now, a few weeks you. It's a new week. Fight up for a new one. I'm a new person. I'm fresh. I'm fresh. I love that. Now, a few weeks ago...

It's almost a new month. Are you all right? So what's happening? I'm just so excited. I'm excited. Yeah, we're all excited. I just feel great. And I just think it's like a new month almost.

Yeah. So it's like feeling like fresh new zingy zongy. Yep. Now, we do normal on our on Thursday. Yeah, my favorite day. Yeah. And now today we are doing normal plus normal equals nah. For example, a few weeks ago, Tony, I believe you were eating cereal. Normal.

Yep. You were watching shutter Island with watching movie normal, normal, but you discovered that eating my breakfast and watching shutter Island in the morning during the day, not okay. For some reason, eating porridge while you're having, watching a scary movie and having like a bit of an internal crisis. Is that normal? Plus normal, plus normal equals nah. Oh yes.

The daylight. Normal. Cereal. Normal. Nothing's more normal than the daylight. But all those things together. That was beautiful. That was beautiful's more normal than the daylight. But all those things together. That was beautiful. That was beautiful. I'm so hyped up.

You should put- You really hyped me up from saying that you were ready for a big one. So, well, hey, say it again. There's nothing more normal than daylight. I reckon put that on a print in some funky font and stick that on your houseboat wall. That's a bit live, laugh, laugh, isn't it? It's the new live, laugh, laugh. So today we're doing I'm going to get a little print for the houseboat that says

water is my currency. That's what I'm going to get. Good luck trying to buy something with it though. When you go to a cafe, you go flat white, that'll be four dollars. Then you just like throw water at me. You're like what? Water is'm like, water is my currency. Water is my currency. Now, before we get into, um, Tapa's normal plus normal equals Nas.

After you talked up Shutter Island, uh, Sophie goes, I'm going to watch it. Well, Sophie's like, oh my God, you guys are talking about this movie. And so then Sophie comes in and goes, remember that scene and this happens. And we went, not really. I was like, no, I must have missed that bit. No, is that the bit with Leonardo DiCaprio? Soph goes, no, he's not in it. And then the next day she's like, yeah, you know that other scene from the,

the island thing and then this and we're, I don't remember that. No. So was it, did we find out that you were watching Love Island? What were you watching? Hot new singles entered the villa and Soph so we went, where's the twist? The main thing that clued me on was when you talked about the twist at the end. And I was like, Oh, spoilers. Why wouldn't they get the twist?

Cause I was watching the Island. Now what's the Island? That's that one with Scar Joe and Ewan McGregor. Scar Joe Henson. And, uh, mean who? They get there. Oh, can't quite. Oh, so you didn't even like it.

Yeah. No, I mean, it was, we spent a week thinking we watched the same movie and we didn't. And we had it. Have we since seen Shut Up Island? Sophie was also a bit aggressive. She's like, as if you didn't get the end. Like she was like a bit like, oh, you guys, come on. Sophie was also a bit aggressive. She's like, as if you didn't get the end. She was like a bit like, Oh, you guys, come on.

Yeah. Clearly, ScarJo and Neil McGregor did the thing. Yeah. That's a, that's a real twist. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Where were they?

Well, I watched the alternate ending. It didn't even have them in it. Kima Daniels is a top up. How good is bacon? Sure. How good is mango? Sure. How good is mango? Yes. Yum.

Kima says I was at a wedding on the weekend and they served bacon wrapped mango and it's a big fucking nah from me. Okay. Is Kima sure that it wasn't prosciutto wrapped rock melon, which is actually quite common. I actually don't know. But that is like a very common appetizer at like a fancy wedding. I don't know that it wasn't that. That sounds fucked, but like prosciutto wrapped rock melon is very common. I'm not going to push anyone off a houseboat.

I think she said prosciutto. Kima says, why is this a thing? Why do Queenslanders have to ruin everything? No, I don't think you can tell them all with that brush. I think you might be the fuckhead there. She might be the fuckhead. Bacon and mango is just makes me think someone's read a Queenslanders cookbook. Or maybe two pages of a cookbook stuck together.

Um, that, no, I think that that might've been the rock melon and prosciutto. Oh, here we go. Sorry. The concept of two pages being stuck together in a cookbook, creating these like crazy meals. Yeah, but like, you know, in Friends, when that's like one of the plots and it's like, she's making the Christmas- Bolognese on the barbecue! But she's making a trifle and then she puts meat and peas and onion in it.

I haven't seen that. So it's like, oh, I've got ladyfingers, I've got cream, I've got jam, I've got beef sauteed with peas and onions, and then I've got seen that. So it's like, Oh, I've got lady fingers. I've got cream. I've got jam. I've got beef sauteed with peas and onions, and then I've got more banana. And that's like a whole thing about the, in the show. Okay. I know that friends isn't allowed to be my personality, but it's, I, all I'm going to say is I think it's definitely 100% certain that it was Prish. I would bet my houseboat on it being Prasutow wrapped melon. Kima.

I just read the comments. So. But Kima coming. Keep it. Keep him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Keep, keep him Kima.

This is from BM Lobo. Fake name. Does that sound like, you know how authors back in the day, like when you wrote your book, did they ever say, Oh, instead of Tony Lodge, you should be like TF Lodge? TF Lodge. Like RL Stein. No, or like J.R.R. Tolkien or whatever.

Yeah. Like back in the day, it was always something, something, something like. Yeah. Well, so back in the, the reason that like they did it back in the day was normally because if women wrote books, they like wouldn't be taken seriously. So it was like using an initial was to like, I know that JK Rowling has been like fully like she's like a more full person. But yeah, they were like, oh, don't do Joanne, I think is a name because that you won't be

taken as seriously. So do the initials. Do you remember when we some, for some reason went on a deep dive about Winnie the Pooh? A.A. Mjoln. Yeah. Yeah. And you don't, you know why we went on that deep dive because we were sitting

in the office. Winnie the Pooh bear. He's fun and he's cartily climbing a honey tree. Literally one day in the office, it's dead silence. And then Ryan sang that and we haven't stopped singing for about four weeks. Because my dog, BJ Bronson Johnson, I always sing it to him because I think he's a big scary bear and I go Bronson. His name is Bronson looking for fun chasing the tennis ball.

I've never heard that version. Oh, that's a great one. That's good. I. I've never heard that version. Oh, that's a great one. That's great. I tell you who's heard that version. People in my house a lot. What about Pippa? We need the Pippa.

She's small and she's cuddly eating a salmon tin. Yes! On the houseboat, she could catch her own salmon. Sorry, we're distracted. You're pouring the oil. Yes. BM Lobo. Sounds like a car yard.

Normal. The alarm on your phone waking you up in the morning. Normal. Normal. Spending the night at a friend's house. Nah. Your alarm going off on a Saturday morning whilst at a friend's house. Chaos.

Horror. I'm sorry. Where am I? Am I supposed to be at work? What day is it? Calamity. Agree. Yeah.

There is nothing worse than your like scheduled alarm going off on the weekends. And then Bridget rolls over and goes, what the fuck? And you just feel awful when you wake up other people. Oh, we're up now. Question. This is not a normal plus normal equals nah. This is maybe a normal or nah. But like setting an alarm when you're staying at someone's house

to make sure that you don't sleep in. So that you're not like the like no one's waiting for you to wake up. No. Oh, my God, I always do that. Really? Yeah. Like if I ever stay. Oh my God, I always do that. Really? Yeah. Like if I ever stay at someone's house, I'll make sure I set an alarm and then I'll like listen out to see when they wake up

and I'll make sure that I'm like, yeah. Producer Sophie's nodding as well. You do that? I feel like I've done that before. You just don't want to be like the sleeper in at someone else's house because they can do their own thing. I don't know. Wait for me.

I'm seeing some other room. Yeah. I know. I always like set an alarm to make sure that I'm not going to be like the last up. Or that they're like tiptoeing around waiting for me to wake up or whatever. Because if I'm ever asleep, you don't have to tiptoe. You just do your thing. Literally.

I could set this building on fire while you're asleep and you wouldn't wake up. Yeah. Great. So you just do your own thing. Don't worry about me. Yeah. No good. Thanks. Thanks for the permission. I actually really appreciate that. Kira sitting with your leg crossed with one over the other. Normal. Normal. Sitting on the toilet. Normal. Sitting on the toilet with your legs crossed over the other is completely fucked up and I never want to see it again.

Again? What's going on in Curious World? How many people is she watching sitting on the toilet? Sitting on the toilet? Sorry, it's all I can think of. That is insane. But also, wouldn did that affect the way things happen? If your legs, you'd think so. I'd like, I'd feel mine.

Let's all mentally cross our legs and imagine we're doing what we need to do. Like, imagine that a goga tube. doing what we need to do. Like imagine that a go-get tube. That why does everything end up being like yogurt in a bag? I don't know. Imagine this. And I'm like, I don't want to. That's a larger question.

I feel, um, normal yogurt, normal bags. I just don't think that like genetically, physically, scientifically. Would it cover up? Like some bits that need to be like open? You know when you make one of those butterfly paintings and it like, that's what I think maybe would happen if your legs were crossed over. Do you reckon? Like we squeeze and shot out.

But like the it would all be a bit compressed, wouldn't it? Yeah. So I'm thinking butterfly painting on. Sorry, I'll keep doing this. No, please don't. OK. Kimberly Bowden. Hi, Kimberly.. Hi Kimberly. Hi Kim-Bully.

Kimberly says, pooing is normal. Totally. Kim says, going to a client's home as an aged care worker. Normal. Normal. Yeah, that's your job. Needing to take a shit at a client's house is the most uncomfortable thing I've ever experienced. Normal plus normal equals a shit at a client's house is the most uncomfortable thing I've ever experienced.

Normal plus normal equals a big fucking nah from me. I mean, pooing at work for me, normal. We have a pooing toilet in this building. However, that's not in someone's home. No. Needing to poo in someone's home when you're there in a, in a professional capacity is a bit awkward. Yeah.

The day that we won the auction of our house, I'd been, I'd been so nervous. And like we, after the, we won the auction and it was like so exciting. Yeah. We, you were there. I was there. You're our family. You were there. Yep.

Um, and then like went in and I was like, Oh, I really like need to go to the bathroom. Now you own this house now. Can I go to the bathroom that said you asked the owner? It's your bathroom. Except I didn't really own it yet because the people that live there were in the front room waiting for us to leave, which I didn't know. And I just stunk up their whole toilet. I didn't know that they were there. And I was like, well, I'm just so excited. I've shit myself. I thought I was supposed to leave a deposit. Got this 10% deposit. Yeah. So Tony goes and like destroys this room and they go,

OK, the owners are down there in that spare room. We all went literally all of us. And then then Ryan walks out in that room at the front. So like in terms of the four of them in there sitting there quietly and Tony's in the bathroom next door to my house demolishing the fucking house, bringing it down in value, even though I just decided how much it was worth at the auction. That value is from the auction eight minutes ago.

And so I've destroyed this toilet right. And Ryan, Ryan, Ryan and Bridget and Mabel are like in the house as well. Cause they will, they came to the auction, but you guys hadn't seen inside. Yeah. So we were kind of like doing the paperwork and Ryan, Bridget and Mabel are like walking around checking it all out, going, it's so stunning. It's great. I love it. And that was so kind about it.

And then Ryan goes down to the end room. He goes, there's someone in there. And I went, what? And then the real situation goes, yeah, the owner's here. Him, his wife and their auntie and cousin are in the spare room. And Ryan. G'day guys. And Ryan goes, I'm just trying to open that door.

And like, there was like someone behind there, and he's like, oh my God. And then I was like, oh no, what have I done? And anyway, they hid in that room until we left. Yeah. Until the stank. Oh my God. Sorry, I forgot that word. I don't know the English version. Dissipated. Yeah. Yeah.

Fuck. What a horrible memory of a beautiful day. Hi, this is Casey from San Antonio, Texas, and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. I must say shout out to a few of our champion top us over at our Patreon. Uh, Sandleen, good on you, San. Thanks, San. Sorry, Sandleen is the name. I just gave Sandleen a nickname.

Hey, Sunny. Uh, Aerland 45, legal name with numbers in it. Teal, lots of color. Cameron Clements, good on you and be marsupial. Oh guys, get real. Okay. I am being taken for a ride today. You're acting like a shut in your house.

And I did it. Might have been one of them, actually. You don't know that. Using the fake name. You don't know that. Thanks so much for joining us, by the way. Check us out on YouTube. Video shows are now on YouTube. Go and subscribe.

And every Sunday there's a reaction video up there as well. So come over and say hi. Love to have you. Love to have you. And we can't do it without you. People watching, sharing, telling us that they love it. And nothing else. I love it, Tony. I love it.

No, but we can't do it without you. So thank you very much for being part of it. Over, so it's school holidays at the moment. Yeah. In Victoria. Oh, is that why it was easy to get? Sorry, boring chat. I drove and I was like,

it's surprisingly not as fucked on the road. Yeah, nah, yeah. Oh, sorry, I'll save the comedy for. So the thing about school traffic zones. But it is. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense now. Yeah. And also the big road near me, cause it's like a, there's a college on one side.

So it's a 40. Um, obviously during school time, but it's a really, he's going 120. No, I don't speed. It's on a school zone. The school holidays. Didn't you say? Okay. It's not fucking.

What? So in schools on 40 and if not fucking have a crack. Well, no, it's 60. Oh, I thought it was like 40 or now. No, it's not. Yeah, it's not. It's 60. OK, but anyway, I don't speed. I don't do that.

I actually don't speed because I never leave late. I never need to speed because I'm always on time. You know, it's funny. I've never associated. Did I say that word right? Yeah, I think you did. I blacked out for a second, but yeah. I don't associate speeding with being late. I associate it with just like being a hoon.

But then you just even more of a dickhead. Absolutely. I'm not, not defending. It's okay if you're late, but like, yeah. But in my mind, I was just like, Oh, you must be a car guy that loves his fast car. No, see mine is like, Oh, you slept through your alarm and you're trying to get to work on time. Yeah, right. That's what I always think. Okay. Especially in the morning when like people are assholes in like busy morning traffic and doing 120 in the school. when like people are assholes in like busy morning traffic and doing 120 in the school. Anyway, I just had the dumbest thought and I just need to get it out of my person. Okay. No, no, that's fine. Show me your person.

So it's like Tony watching the formula one going like, oh, he slept in. God damn. Anyway, Daniel Ricardo is always like, no, that's why he's not performing that well at the moment because he's on time. He's like, what am I missing? Yeah. Um, anyways, it's school holidays at the moment and, um, my nephews, uh, they only live like 20 minutes away from, um, Torb's and I, and we thought that it might be a little bit of fun. We'll have a bit of a holiday sleepover.

Ah, Sang and Art toddies. So they love coming to our house because they love Pippa. Of course. They adore Pippa and Pippa loves them as well, except she doesn't have a lot of stamina. No. So like they'll play with her for 20 minutes and she'll love it. And then she'll just like curl up in front of the fire.

And she's done for the day. She's out for a good time, not a long time. Yeah. And they're like, come on Pippa. And I'm like, oh no, like she'll need a couple of hours to regenerate before she can play again. Like, Is it fair the, the, uh, to say the age of your nephews, they can just go all day.

Oh, well, so they're like eight and 10. That's what I mean. They're just little machines. And they just like love playing like they, and they love playing board games. They love playing, like they love reading. They love doing magic tricks. Like they're just, they're such sweet kids and they're just, they're the fucking best. They are lovely.

And they don't like watch a lot of TV at home. Okay. And so whenever they come to our house, like even if like my sister Libby and her husband, Jason, so the kids, mom and dad are there. Yeah. There's like mom and dad are here, like they're in charge. Right. Even if they're there, like if we're having dinner or something like our TV is

always on, like whether it's the news or something random, like it's just always on, on mute a lot, but it's just always, there's always something going on. So they're like, Oh, aunt Toddy's TV is always on. So they're like pretty pumped because they're like, Oh, we'll probably like get to watch a movie or something. Got a TV. We've got a cool dog. Like this place is fucking awesome. And they also love it because I was like,

do you guys want to sleep on the air bed? And they're like, awesome. And so that like we made up there, like big bed in Torb's office. We've got the air bed set up and I'm like, what do you guys want for dinner? I was thinking about making hot dogs and they fucking shit themselves. Like they are just so odd. Like with excitement, not like, yeah, and I gave them seven year old hot dogs. I didn't cook them. No, and they're just so fucking pumped. And can I just say as a lesson to everyone, no one's disappointed with hot dogs.

Never. Ever. It is actually a foolproof offering if you're having people over. If people over, who's down for hot dogs? Someone's a hot dog. Fuck it. How good. And you can jazz them up. And like obviously for the boys, they just had like, yeah, but like we do pickles and like fried onions. Yeah. Oh yeah. Like a bit of Asian fried onions. Your place does sound great. Oh, so Torbs and I, Asian fried onion. Your place does sound great. So Torbs and I, well, both of us, but I love entertaining.

I love having people over. I love being the host. I just, I love feeding people and watering people and like watching them enjoy my home. And it's just like my love language is like, Come on over. Great. I love it. And so having the boys over, it was actually their first sleepover ever.

So they'd, they'd never slept out before. That's huge. And so- the boys over, it was actually their first sleepover ever. So they'd, they'd never slept out before. That's huge. And so the parents know. Yeah, they're always sneaking out to parties at eight and 10. Um, seeing that to play Yu-Gi-Oh in the street, you know, kids are up to anyway. And so we went to their house. We picked them up. We brought them home, set up the bed and everything. And I'm like, we're going to do hot dogs. I'm like, kids, they eat at what? Like six, 7 P.M. And I was like, I said to to do hot dogs. And like kids, they eat at what? Like six, seven PM. And I was like, I said to Libby, I was like, Oh, what time do they normally go to bed? And she's like, Oh, like eight or nine.

Cool. What like eight o'clock normally during the week, she's like, Oh, but like if you, it's the weekend, it's school holidays, you know, and I was like, awesome. Yeah. She could have said anything and I would have still done what I wanted to do anyway. Whose house is the kids at? Yeah, fucking hell. Yeah.

You want to put them to bed, you fucking have to. Yeah. You give them to me, they'll play by my rules. Yeah, I'm the boss. Anyway, and so they come over and we have a cocktail. I'm just making a mental note for when you say, oh, maybe we can stay over and do this. Anyway, so like we have our dinner, they're sitting at the big table at our house. And then I'm like, oh, why don't you guys go and brush your teeth and put on your jammies and we'll pop on a movie. And they're like, Holy fuck.

And I'm like, here we go. How good and how responsible of me. Cause it means that as soon as the movie's finished, they can hop straight into bed. We don't have to fuck around and like do. You're already in jammies, already brushed teeth, all good. Already good. Already to go. Anyway. And so we put on this movie and we're like flicking through Netflix and whatever. And I was like, oh, is there anything that you guys want to watch? And there's like a few new movies. They go, oh, we actually saw that at the cinema. And I was like, cool.

And then there's like a Smurfs movie on, you know, Smurfs like little blue guys. And it's like in the kids Netflix profile. And I'm like, oh my God, what about the Smurfs like little blue guys. And it's like in the kids Netflix profile. And I'm like, oh my God, what about the Smurfs? Have you guys seen that? And they go, oh, we've got Smurfs pajamas. And I'm like, oh, fucking what a winner. They've had an ice cream, they're in their fucking pajamas. They're on to it.

Anyway, so I put on this Smurfs movie and I'm like, cool, pretty safe. And it's like so fucking long. It's like an hour and 40 minutes. I'm like fucking fully had enough. The Smurfs not know I'm like, cool, pretty safe. And it's like so fucking long. It's like an hour and 40 minutes. I'm like fucking fully had enough. The Smurfs not know the Tony Lodge threshold and a kids movie. It's a kids movie. Sometimes a kids movie can be like an hour and 15 and you're like, oh,

And that is my area. Yeah. 70 minutes done and dusted put me to bed. Yeah. Anyway, so I'm sitting on the couch. You are a child. I am. I had my hot dogs, had my ice cream and I was ready to go to bed.

Yeah, in my pajamas. So I'm in the corner of the couch. Yep. I've got Pippa on my lap. Yeah. One of the boys is like snuggled into me and the other boy is like sitting on the edge. Yeah. And Torbz is sitting on the other side of him.

So it's very sweet. Very cute. We're all like snuggled in together. It was beautiful. Anyway, it's getting close to the end of the movie. And then the main character of the movie dies. What? Spoiler. Came out in 2017.

Get over it. So like King Smurf just fucking gets offed. Yeah. But like. And so we're like washing. So I've just put this movie up. For full bed. Because I'm like, yeah.

But I'm like, it's in the kids' set. Like, you know, I feel like I've done my due movie up. For full bed. Cause I'm like, yeah. But I'm like, it's in the kids' sake. Like, you know, I feel like I've done my due diligence of like what we can watch. And anyway, and like, so it's like getting kind of dark. I'm like, fuck is she, are they going to fucking off this bitch? And they do. She dies, right? Like it's killed? Dead.

Like, they're, all the Smurfs are standing around and she's dead in the middle of a circle or died. Um, I just didn't know if I needed to call the boys in blue. I actually won't apologize. When she died, they were all sad. Yeah. And then, so they're all like crying over this dead bitch. And I'm like, got the like one child snuggly to me, Biba's there, the other

boy, and then Todd's sitting on the other side and I just look over at him and I'm like, yeah, just like mouth, what the fuck? And he looks at me and he's just like, I don't know. And I was like, what do we, what do we do? Am I about to explain what death is to these kids? That feels like an important chat that I should be prepared for. Or should happen by their parents. And because I don't watch a lot of TV, they're just, I was like,

well, I don't know what you know. I don't know. So, so Toddy, where did he go? Where did she go? And I'm sitting there and I'm literally looking at Tobson like, what the fuck do we do? And he's looking at Tos and I'm like, what the fuck do we do? And he's looking at me like, I don't know. And the boys are kind of like, Oh, what's that?

What's going on with her? Like, Oh no, like that's really sad. And I was like, it is sad, isn't it? And that happens sometimes in life, doesn't it? They're up in the big blue sky. Because I'm realizing that I've got to kind of take this on now. I said blue sky, please insert laugh. Thank I've got to kind of take this on now. I said blue sky, please insert laugh. Thank you.

Oh, good night. Nice one. And then, so Torb's and I are both like looking over and the boys are kind of being like, oh, that's really sad that she's done. But they're looking for some reassurance, some closure, some explanation from Toddy. This is really sad. So what did you? Excuse me.

And they're like, Oh, Toddy like really sad that, but I was like, Oh, well, you know, like the Smurfs all loved each other though, but I'm kind of realizing that to be honest, I've been on my phone. I don't know if they liked it. I don't really know what's going on because I couldn't give a fuck about laughing in this Smurfs movie in 2017. And then, um, all the Smurfs are crying and the tears bring her back to life.

But I've just given this speech about death and I've said, you know, a bit like how aunt Toddy and mom's mom passed away. Did they know about that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They know all about mom. Yeah. And I was like, you know how like our mom passed away. They go, yeah.

And that makes mom sad. And I was like, it does make someone totally sad as well, but you know, this is what happens sometimes and then she came back to life. You're like, so is grandma going to come back to love? I go, oh my God, what a different can of Smurfs. Thanks. Um, because if Libby and Tony loved grandma, they would have cried. We would have cried over and brought her back to life.

But obviously you guys hated her. Didn't love her enough. But they were like, Oh so. You were too busy texting boys at her funeral. That was the wait. Okay. Oh, sorry. My mistake.

My mistake. Um, where's my face blue? But like they're a bit distressed and I've given them this beautiful fucking speech. I tell me you did a good job. But then she came back to life and totally undercut my beautiful speech about like life and death. So is, hang on, let's just define what is the main issue here. Yeah.

Is the main issue that someone dies in a kid's movie without a warning. I think that's a valid issue. I think actually that is the biggest thing. Cause like, how am I supposed to know? Is the issue that you had to make the speech about explaining what death is. And to be fair, it sounds like considering you had no warning, you've actually done a pretty gentle, nice job. Appreciate that.

Thank you. Or is the issue that the writer of the Smurf was unaware that you just made this great speech and has undercut your great work? And do you need me to have words with Poppa Smurf? Or whoever wrote it. The Smurf guy. Yeah. Big Smurf.

But I think to rewind it all back to Unpack from the very beginning, I think to have like a grim thing in this movie. I'm like, I don't know, as a parent, are you supposed to vet everything before your kids watch it? Yes. Are you actually like, should I have only shown them a movie that I'd seen? I didn't put on fucking Kill Bill. Well, sure. Surely that's safe. At least they stayed dead in that film.

But we can't, yeah, we can't be watching all these kids movies in advance. I'm going to have to watch it. Check if it's okay. I'm going to have to watch it 400 more times over the next few months. I don't need another viewing. I don't need to watch it again. So in the morning Libby picks them up, we drop them off, whatever. And she goes, oh, so everything good.

And I just was like, they were awesome. They were so good. Oh, they use such good manners. They were so good with Pippa and whatever. And she was like, great. Did you mention it? I didn't say anything. She listens to the podcast so she'll hear this.

I think you've done a great job, all things considered. So was he. I think you've done a great job. And actually, no, it's not your responsibility to pre-watch a movie. And if it's in the kids section of Netflix. It's a fucking Smurf movie. Like, do you know what I mean? How bad could it be?

I mean, terrible. Even, yeah. Do people die in regular, I'm trying to think if there's like a grandma, but it's all, you know, in a nice kind of. But I get, yeah. I know people die in movies, but I just thought, God, there's gotta be better ways of like, like in Shrek, right? No one dies.

It's just that they like stop being friends or there's a bit of a misunderstanding. That's probably more the area that I was expecting. So when there's a fight, a friendship misunderstanding. Yeah. And there's like the bad guys. Yeah. They get like comedically, cartoonishly kicked like miles away. Yes.

But you don't see them like die. No. They're just like, oh, and you got shot out to sea. Leave it to the imagination of like, that's just out of the picture now. Yeah. Not fucking being, laying on the ground, lifeless. And then like the sparkles come out of her and that's her soul coming out. Oh my God. Like it was super fucking grim. So hang on, hang on.

So when she comes back to life, is she now a soulless bitch? Because the soul's already fucking dead. Yeah. out of her and that's her soul coming out. Like it was super fucking. So hang on, hang on. So when she comes back to life, is she now a soulless bitch? Because the soul's already fucked off. So then the tears, all of the, all of the sparkles come back together and go back into her and it's like, that's her like being reborn because of the love of Smurfs. So soulless people can get their soul back. Well, soulless people can't, but people that have a soul that lose it can.

So you have to have a soul in the first place. Okay. So there's a few people we know that one. Yeah. That one couldn't cry over them. Yeah. I wouldn't piss on her either. There's nothing I would do.

Yeah. It's a shame. But yeah. So I tried to have a cool sleepover at Aunt Soddy's place. Don't know if I'll have the boys on three times. Back to school for the term four and I'll see you Christmas maybe. Yes. I'll send you some money and a fucking birthday card.

I'm actually, can we just pencil in for next week? Maybe just a little follow up. Cause I reckon there might be a text from, from Libby. From Libby. Letting me know about this nurse. Cause I reckon their kids are going to go, Oh mom, what were the tidings? And we watched that thing about that person dying and she's going to go,

what? And then you're just going to, yeah, no, I haven't, she hasn't, yeah, she doesn't know. But I also was like, Oh, I've been doing a bit of danger, but I did wonder if it would come up after that. Not physical danger, but like obviously like psychological, emotional danger. Yeah. I really love to see it from Bronte Freeman, who's a tarpa.

Um, I started a new job last week. Congrats. It's a government job and I was a bit nervous cause I don't have the look of like a corporate government job person. So she's like, I'm a bit alternative. I don't know, you know, And you kind of feel like you really want to fit in and make a good impression on a first day as well. My first day was pretty decent, but on the second day I met a fellow tarpa in the office.

What? We are so alike. We are both coming into this job together. They're new as well. And it's honestly just having so amazing the gets what I'm talking about when I reference you guys. She's so lovely and I'm excited to work with her and bring some shenanigans into the workplace. Congratulations. Can I get deep and emotional for a second? Please.

You wanna know the biggest difference in life is the difference through having no one who gets you and having one person that gets you and understands. You know what I mean? No. Because if you feel like no one understands you and you feel like you're a bit alone. Yeah, I'm not laughing. It sounds like you are. No one dies in this story, mate. I'm Matt- Sophie. Are you okay, mate. I'm that Sophie. Are you okay, Sophie? I'm trying to teach a life lesson and you're over there fucking crying.

I know you are. And not in a good way. Redacted. So imagine you're in a place where no one gets you and understands you and you feel very alone. So you're at zero. You're at zero. Yeah. And then how you would feel when you find one of your people.

Totally. And you think, oh, someone gets me, someone understands me, and the difference between those two things. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Redacted. Redacted. Redacted.

I've got a yellow shirt. I'm trying to have a nice moment. Bronte's found her. She felt like she wasn't in the thing. I just don't really get why the biggest difference is between 0 and 1. Because if one person gets you and then like a second person, like that's, that's nice, but like the difference between zero and one is huge. Yeah, yes.

You don't get it. No, I do get it. I get it. I just, yeah, I get it. I don't know if you get it. No, see, I think that you're trying to turn it around and be like, no, you just don't understand because you feel vulnerable about the nice point you made. And I'm saying like, no, I understand it.

And then Bronte died. Well, let's all start crying because that'll bring her back to life. And then the other type of cried. And then they went, the biggest difference between having one person that gets you is now zero people getting you. That's what she said. Ad the eulogy. I read a thing on the weekend and this, I think this is what

incepted me and they said that no one believed in me except for one teacher and it was of a specific subject. And they went on to like do lots of great work in that field. And they said the difference between that one teacher believing in me meant I created lots of changes in this world. That's beautiful. Yeah. But the context is actually very important there.

I feel okay. That's a good note. Actually, for when I tell it again, that's a good note. That's a good note. That's a great note. That's actually a great note. Great note. Cause that context means yes.

Yes. I understand now what you're saying. That's beautiful for Bronte. So you didn't understand before that we were saying. Oh, you're really lashing out. Are you okay? No, I'm vulnerable. Don't be, it's okay. I like got what you okay? No, I am. I'm vulnerable. Don't be. It's okay.

I like got what you were saying, but I just was like, oh, but now the other context helps. Is the issue with- I'm sorry for not getting it. Is the issue with my story, is that no Smurf started making of this tale? Oh, Smurf Slaughter is preferred for me, if that's possible. I've got a love to say it here from Ashley. Is it Smirnoffs? If you ask me again.

You love to say it from Ash. I'm telling. Smurf of Ice. Smurfs. Smurfs. Smurf Ice. I've done for today, please. What do you love to say?

Oh, no. See, the first line of this is going to fucking kill you. And the rest of it's not going to make sense. You're not going to care about the rest of it. Don't over sell it. No, because the bikini. I'm a professional and I'm going to pay attention. All right. I'll give you $100 if you don't start laughing in the first sentence.

I'm already laughing. That's unfair. You'll have to say it. I was. I was selling DVDs on Facebook marketplace. You owe me a hundred dollars. No, it's actually a really sweet story, but I knew that I'd lose you straight away. Because what a hilarious sentence. There's more? Yes, yeah, that's not the whole thing.

That's the best story I've ever heard. Okay, Ashley says, I was selling DVDs on Facebook marketplace. This is an old post. And the person... Who is posting this? 11 hours ago. I was selling DVDs on Facebook marketplace, and the person wanted to collect them when I wasn't home.

And they said, I'll leave the money for you in the mailbox. And you kind of go, yeah, yeah. Like sure. Sure you'll leave the money in the mailbox. Hoping for the best, Ash left the DVDs at the front door and got home. And there was actually money left in the mailbox.

And Ash says, you love to see that there's still good people out there that are like honest. But, and that's like such a straight love to see that there's still good people out there that are like, honest. And that's like such a straight love to say it, but it is the thought of selling a DVD on Facebook marketplace. Like it's really funny. DVDs or DVDs.

DVDs. I know this isn't important, but is there, is there a, like, do we know how much she's solving for? I don't know. I'm just curious what a DVD is going for. Like 10 DVDs for five bucks or something? Yeah, I'm like... You'd have to be doing a bundle.

Cause I think if someone is selling them, it'd be more like, oh, we've got a whole drawer or cupboard full. And most people would, back from back in the day. And let's like, yeah, like someone who loves them will go, great, I've got this huge collection. Or selling them all down separately also would just take forever.

Forever, yeah. Would you just go 50 bucks for all of them, take all of them and like do with them what you will. And flip them on eBay individually. Dividends used to be fucking expensive. Like 20, 30 dollars. Yeah. That's mad. That's a mad word out there. You owe me a hundred bucks. I can buy so many dividends with that.

I only thought I got a hundred bucks if I didn't laugh. Yeah, that's fair. You're gonna laugh. Cause the difference between zero people giving you a hundred bucks and one person giving you a hundred bucks. That's both valid and brutal. I love you so much. I do love you so much.

And I do love to see that you lashed out a bit because you were like, you know what I said, but I did. But we've come full circle now. Would you like to come on my house? Full circle. Monica, anyway, I love you so much. Have a great day. I was about to say week, it's fucking Monday.

Jesus fucking Christ. Nothing ruins your Friday afternoon. Not realizing it's Monday morning. This podcast comes out at 5am. I've just told everybody that a really, give us a really bad information. Yeah, now have a big week everyone. See you later.

Love you so much. I'm leaving. Bye. I hate it here. Meow, meow, meow. Yeah, now have a big week everyone. See you later. Love you so much. I'm actually leaving. I'm leaving. Bye. I hate it here. Meow, meow, meow. Meow, meow, meow.