Toni and Ryan - Crotchless Underwear Caution

Episode Date: November 28, 2021

My laugh's alter-ego Mr Wheezy is back after this round of Internet Mishaps, and something terrible happened to me when I tried to train for our running challenge, Love ya! T xxx Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello? Hello, is that Henrietta? Yes. It's Tony and Ryan. How are you? Good, thank you. A bit sleepy, sorry, but... Oh, what time is it in Finland at the moment?

3.14 in the morning. Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. Henrietta, we're so sorry. No, no, no. I had an alarm for this, so no worries. Thank you so much for taking our call, even though it's very early in the morning. Absolutely, absolutely. Henrietta, I have a question though. When we were organising a time for you to approve You said English is not my first language

But I'm sure we'll manage No I have an issue Your English is better than mine And I have no other languages Not hard People that can't talk are better at English than you But to be fair

Henrietta, your English is really good It's definitely better than ours. Thank you. Thank you. Well, you're speaking Australian, so it's not English. It's true. It isn't the same. The English would be disgusted if we called this even.

Yeah. Well, Henrietta, we're wondering, we're about to get started. Do you approve this podcast? Absolutely, I approve the podcast. And Henrietta, just before we wrap up, so that we can say goodbye to you in a nice way, how do you say goodbye or chat soon in your first language, which is not English?

In Finnish, it would just be moikka. Moikka. Moikka. Moikka. Or heippa. Heippa. And then if you want to say, like, goodbye forever. Oh, no, we don't, Henrietta.

No, you don't need to tell us that because we'll never say that. No, we definitely don't want to say that. No, of course not. We have a lot of, lot of, lot of words for everything. Well, let us just say moika. Yeah, it was so lovely to meet you. Thank you for waking up and taking our call. And moika, because we will chat to you again soon.

Thank you. I just want to say you have saved this horrible, horrible dark season we have here in Finland from somewhere from October till March. We have like a couple hours of daylight. It's dark as fuck. It has been such a pleasure to listen to all of your great stories. Well, there is never a dark room that Tony lodges in because she fills it with brightness and sunshine. Thinking of the sunshine you have there, I'm so, so, so jealous. Well, hopefully, Henrietta, when everything's over,

you can come to Australia, see some sun, we'll catch up, we'll have a beer, and that would be great. Definitely. And I'm so looking forward to eat the cheesy nuggets from Red Rooster. We have nothing like that here in Finland. Well, good for you guys. We'll pop them in the deep fryer. Let us know when you're on your way.

in Finland. Well, good for you guys. We'll pop them in the deep fryer. Let us know when you're on your way. Hi, it's Henrietta from Finland and I approve the podcast. Welcome to Tony and Ryan. Welcome. On today's show, we're talking about internet mishaps, and just now Tony was telling me one that she didn't realise. Actually, can I have a go at reinterpreting your story? Please, please.

Tony claims she was scammed. Scammed is such a broad term, I'm so sorry. By a tax thing when she was trying to do her own tax. She was scammed because a fee was charged and it wasn't the government. It was some agency. Yeah. You weren't scammed. You just paid an accountant to do your tax. Oh, excuse me.

Sorry. Bless you. Sorry. It's the allergies at the moment. Oh, all the trees and pollen in this indoor studio. Oh, wow. Someone woke up sassy today. Yeah, sorry.

No, that was uncalled for. I apologise. Wow. No, I don't want to start the week like that. Are you okay? Can I. Yeah, sorry. No, that was uncalled for. I apologise. Wow. No, I don't want to start the week like that. Are you okay? Can I get you a tissue? No, I'm fine. Thank you so much.

I've got this tissue. Thank you. It's got coffee on it, but that's okay. Yeah, and sneezing. You've just left it on the bench. Yeah, but I'm going to keep using it. Do you want a fresh one? That's all good.

No. Oh, sorry. Do you hate the environment? A new tissue every time you've got a runny nose. Yeah. No. That's pretty normal. Oh, I use a tissue literally until it's falling apart.

Normal or nah? Is that, I literally like will use one tissue like for a whole day. No, and I'll just like leave it in my pocket or leave it on my desk or whatever. You're just carrying germs around and just leaving it places for other people to see. The point of sneezing into a tissue is so you can dispose of it. If you're just going to leave it on your desk,

you might as well just sneeze on the desk. I would like to change what I said. Maybe not every... Yeah, no. Oh, I use a new dish all the time. Thank you, thank you. Thank you. That's all right.

I want to talk about internet mishaps though. Maybe ones that are a bit more serious than me getting scammed. You just paid for someone to do a service who did it. Yeah. Erin Rachel. Hi, Erin. Thank you to everyone who's in the Tony and Ryan podcast Facebook group who love sharing these stories because sometimes they're a bit saucy,

a bit spicy, and we do actually genuinely appreciate you, like, trusting us to, you know, keep your name private unless you're George Wendell. Yeah. Oh, and if you want to join our Facebook group as well, you can have a look, Tony and Ryan podcast on Facebook. All the links are in our Instagram and TikTok bios. Erin, I was inquiring with a company about crotchless panties. I actually know the Erin that you're talking about,

and that is so on brand for Erin. What is a crotchless panties? Without going into graphic detail, but it just. So I don't really understand it, but I think that the thing is they don't have, they've got like a hole where the fanny is. Sorry for saying fanny. Why did you? I don't know.

You were so careful about all your words. I never say fanny. Well, don't start now. So I'll stop saying fanny. Please stop. On the join. Use the technical term. Sorry.

There's a gap there. There's a, well, there's like a, they normally, a bit like the front of boys underwear, there's like two curtains and you can kind of pull them open. Are we talking about the underwear still? The curtains, pull them open and then the, crotchless panties, curtains, open them up and then you don't have to take the knickers off. And normally they're, like, attached to, like, the stirrups to put tights on so that the tights stay on

so it's very sexy but you don't have to take the knickers off. I'd rather take the knickers off. I was going to say it just seems like a lot of hassle to – but you're right, it's so on brand for Erin. Never met her, don't know her, so on brand. It's so on brand for Erin. I said on Breran instead of on brand for Erin. Never met her, don't know her. So on brand. It's so on brand for Erin. I said on brand instead of on brand for Erin. I went to message them about a sizing,

and instead of messaging the company on Facebook Messenger, she asked her brother about what size he thought she would be for the crotchless panties. That's not an internet mishap. That's a weird family. You can't blame the internet for that. Well, she opened the wrong tab because she was chatting to her. I thought you meant she's gone, hey, Mark.

No, no, no. No, no, God, no. Oh, Queasy's back. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. What? What? What's happening to your voice? Too much milk?

Yeah, I actually had it. You just drank a whole latte. Then you found out that Erin was supposed to message a crotchless panty company. She actually clicked the tab with her brother and not the company. And now you're squeaking like a penguin from that movie again. Toy story. I thought you meant that she's called her brother and gone,

hey, Mark, what size do you think? Not that there was a... The segment is called Internet Mishaps. That's why I was like... No, who did you call? That's tomorrow's show. Tomorrow is who did you call? Today is Internet Mishaps.

That's why I thought that's not the internet's fault, but carry on. That's embarrassing. What did her brother say? Get the size six, don't talk to me again. I know she obviously didn't realise, but she sent the link and the photo and was like, oh, is this the right size for me? Thinking it was DMing the company. Oh, that's embarrassing.

Not as embarrassing as... What I just went through. I mean, we all went through it. Yeah, sorry. Megan, I once uploaded a photo of my boyfriend on Snapchat. Not as embarrassing as... What I just went through. I mean, we all went through it. Yeah, sorry. Megan. I once uploaded a photo of my boyfriend on Snapchat. Now, he was wearing these really stupid sunglasses and a bucket hat. Like, he was just mucking around being a dickhead.

Oh, being a goof. Being a goofball. Silly goose time. Yeah, so she took a photo, put it on Snapchat. Snapchat. Remember Snapchat? Oh, they were the days. Yeah.

Megan didn't realise that because the sunglasses the partner were wearing were the right tint, they were mirrors, essentially. Oh, no. A few hours later, my sister messaged me saying she could see my fully naked body in the reflection of his sunglasses and everything, this is Megan's word, everything was just hanging out. It's like, thanks, mate. Could have messaged me a few hours ago when I posted that.

Oh, that is so. And the thing is you can't undo. Once it's done. Like you can take it down or whatever, but like with Snapchat, because it was sending to individual people, you can't unsend it. Yeah. Or was that a story? I don't know if that makes a difference.

But even if you delete it, it's still been up for a few hours. How many people could have seen it in that time? Enough. Oh, poor thing. And you'd just be so embarrassed. Now, you know how you see those tweets that end up going viral or it's someone explaining a story and it ends up doing the rounds for a few days and you see a few of these?

So William, who is a tarpa, he's in our Facebook group. Hi, William. Big Willie. The Big Will. He was on the receiving end of a tweet that ended up going viral years ago because I was reading his story and I go, I remember

this. And now he's in our group. So let me explain. Oh, so a celebrity is in our group. That isn't you. Mate. There's two celebrities in there and it's you and the Big Willie. Why would you? How exciting. That's just the, that's just. Wait, what?

What's that? Why is that piece too off? Have I done something to. Yeah. Oh. So William's a PhD student. He's definitely the smartest in the group. Yeah.

Pretty smart. He's a PhD student and he's emailing his supervisor, William Mayle, supervisor's a female. Yes. He wanted to say, hi, how are you? But he accidentally pressed send too early and simply said, hi, ho. And then, as you can imagine, he died. Oh.

So. And an email as well. Like, it's so, like, oh. So then he sends up a follow-up email saying, oh, my God, I hit send too early. It was meant to say, hi, how are you? So just to clarify, I didn't mean to call you a ho, excuse me, while I go and bury myself and die.

So the next day, the professor, who's like just laughed, hey, mate. Oh, amazing. Totally funny. Because you can imagine people taking that the wrong way. Oh, I mean, absolutely. Yes. And, I mean, it shouldn't matter, but the fact that the student was a male and she was a female, you can see it looks, absolutely. Yes. And, I mean, it shouldn't matter, but the fact that the student was a male and she was a female,

you can see it looks really bad. But she was like, oh, honest mistake, actually laughed really hard when I saw that, blah, blah, blah. So she takes the screenshots of the email and goes, oh, g'day, Twitter. Talk about an awkward conversation with a new student of mine. Have a look at this. And it blows up and goes viral and everyone's dying and there's a link in our Facebook group so you can see it all happening.

And when I heard William's story, I'm like, I remember this. Oh, my God. That's so funny. And back in the day, going viral was like a phenomenon. Talk to me. Because, you know, oh, you would know that, wouldn't you, mate? You went viral back in the day. Like that's how, like that's why we're here.

Like your story went viral about being adopted. What is viral these days? But that's the thing. Like, back in the day, it was so different. Yeah, I know. You weaseling like a penguin now. That goes viral. It's gone a few times.

Yeah, yeah, thank you. This one's a bit spicy. Oh. Alana. Actually, I don't know. Shmalana. Shmalana. Sultana.

Sultana Briggs says, when I was. You can't say their last name as well. Sultana. Sultana. Sultana Briggs says, when I was. You can't say their last name as well. Sultana Siggs. Well, it's funny because you're about to see that she doesn't mind smoking. When I was in high school, I was on MSN Messenger. Weren't they the day? Oh, my God. This is just like flashback time.

Oh, great. I love it. Yeah. I was chatting to this really cute boy who went to my God. This is just like flashback time. Oh, great. I love it. Yeah. I was chatting to this really cute boy who went to my school and after we chatted and flirted after school for a while, I asked him if we should kiss one day. And he said, I don't think that's appropriate, but I would like you to suck on the...

Excuse me? I don't think kissing's appropriate, but you can suck on my boob. Wild scenes. Had the person's older brother gotten on there. That used to happen to me. Really? Well, yeah. What do you mean?

Well, like I'd ask a boy out on MSN or something and they would say yes, but then they'd be like, that wasn't me, it was a friend. Yeah, I got bullied. I'm fine about it now, obviously. So Sultana Smig says, okay, I've never done that before, but I'll. Okay. Okay, let's do it. Oh, Sultana.

So they decided to meet in a park because what else would you do when you're high school lovers? But this is a person she knew. This wasn't like a random person on the internet. Yeah, great. So she locked MSN Messenger and went to the park. Yeah. And in her words, did what I had to do.

Okay. Okay, Sultana. If you were comfortable with that, that sounds good. Yeah. She was a bit like, okay, that's very forward and brash. But hey, yeah. Yeah. I really like this boy.

Yeah. When I got home, my parents were asking me all these questions. Where did I go? Who did I meet? What did I do? Oh, don't tell them what you did. They already know. I found out years later that my dad knew how to unlock my MSN messenger

and he always read my messages to keep an eye on me. Oh, that's not okay, Dad. I wouldn't have thought so. That's not okay, Dad. I wouldn't have thought so. That's not okay, Dad. I'm now 30 years old. This was 14 years ago for small Tana Smiggs. I still haven't looked my own father in the eye in the last 14 years. Just imagine your dad knowing that you were going to go

and suck someone off for the first time. In a park. In a park. And he would have seen that she went, should we kiss? And he went, no, but you can suck my dick. And her dad's like, does that work? Should I say that to your mum? Should we kiss?

No, but you can suck my dick. No, but you can kiss this. Oh, Sultana. That's very embarrassing. That is very embarrassing. I'm sorry, Sultana. But some crazy things went down on MSN Messenger. What did you used to do on MSN Messenger?

Oh, I mean. Go on. We've all been there. We've all done it. Done what? Well, you, did you have a webcam? No. Me either.

No, well, maybe I was a bit, I mean, I'm a little bit older than you. I don't think webcams were normal when I was in high school. Yeah, sure. But what were they like when you were, what did you do on the webcam? I didn't have one, so I don't know. Hypothetically. Hypothetically. What would other people around the same time have been doing?

Well, so I remember other people discussing potential of maybe showing people your boobs on webcam or something. And how did people react when they saw Tony's boobs on the webcam? No, this is hypothetical and it wasn't me. Oh, but hypothetical. Hypothetically. Would they be like, Tony? The other people who were discussing the potential

of showing their boobs on the webcam, they were saying like, oh, yeah, like, ha, boys love it. It never happened to me. I was a fat loser. No one wanted to see my boobs on a webcam. Hey, hey, I'd love to see my boobs on a webcam. Hey, hey. I'd love to see your boobs on a webcam. Don't talk yourself down.

This is a supportive environment. Thank you. Don't be silly. That's so sweet. That's so romantic. If anyone would love to see Tony's boobs on a webcam, let us know below in the comments. We're not going to.

Or in the show notes. We're not doing that. What? We're not going to show my boobs on a webcam. No, I just feel like. They're high def now, webcams. I thought you meant them. My boobs are high def now. Boop, there it is.

But seriously, if you're listening to the podcast, go and check out the episode thread. Let us know your internet mishap. Yes. Or if you're watching on YouTube, let us know in the comments below. But hey, Tony, maybe when the time is right, we'll do an MSN Messenger after hours special. Yeah, I like that. Because I feel like everyone is very intrigued.

Oh. Hi, it's Henrietta from Finland, and you can say at the dentist and also in the bedroom. Yeah. And I'm already nervous and excited and nervous. That's on tomorrow's show. Thank you to everyone who supported us via Patreon, by the way. We've got some new champion tapas on board.

We do, which is so lovely to see. Grace, thank you so much. Samantha Carmona, Abby Brady, the Brady bunch. James, thank you so much. And Matt Dwyer, big, big shout out to those new, shout out to those new champion tapas. Now, we had a bit of a throwaway comment last week about for every one Patreon we have by the end of the year, end of December, we will run two metres.

Two metres per person. Last time we did a nugget for every Patreon. Yes. That was horrendous and harrowing. Yep. I was dry for days. So much salt. Now we're going to run to how many are we up to?

So for the nuggets, we were at 721 Patreon members. What are we up to? We're up to 940. Whoa. So we're already about 2Ks. Which is like, what, a mile and a half. What are you good for? I don't really know.

I don't think I can run very far and I don't know if it's actually just to do with fitness because after we talked about this and everyone online is like, oh, my God, the running's such a good idea, I'll do it with you. Some people said like, oh, we'll run with you and spur you on because I said that I was quite nervous about the running. And so on Monday I set my alarm, woke up at 7, was like, I'm going to go for a run this morning, get myself into it.

But I'm not really ready to run outside yet. So you've started though? Well, yes. I was like, cool, I'll start training. So you haven't been outside? I haven't gone outside. I just did the treadmill in my building at the gym. Because we all know that you've got a massive courtyard.

Yes. But I was like running as big as the courtyard is. In circles around the courtyard. Yeah, it's a pretty tight turning circle. I'm just going for a run in the courtyard. I do five laps. That's literally 10 steps. Treadmill's great though.

Well, yeah, so I was like, cool, I'll go down and I'll warm up on there and then get going and see how far I can go because, yeah, I'm not fit enough to run outside yet and I also don't want to do that thing where you run and then you have to stop and then the cars see you and you have to stop running. What do you mean when the cars see you? Like because cars are going past or other people are running or whatever and, you know, when you run and you're like, I need to stop running now cars are going past or other people are running or whatever.

And, you know, when you run and you're like, I need to stop running now and walk. You need to take a breath, yeah. I don't want people to see me stopping because how embarrassing. I just feel like people would be like, oh, that fat person can't run. Do you know what I mean? You know my number two rule of life? Number two rule of life.

What's number one? You don't know the number one rule of life? Are you fucking with me? Don't talk about Fight Club. That's on the list. But no, number one rule of life, you never, ever, ever, ever comment on a woman being pregnant unless you can physically see a baby coming out of them.

I'm not pregnant. And that's why you don't mention it. Oh. That's the number one rule of life. Oh, I thought you were relating this to me. I was like, I'm not pregnant. No, for everyone, anywhere in the world. If you can't see a baby coming out of them. And even then, probably just don't say anything because they're busy. Yeah. Now what's the number two rule? You never, ever, and I'm not trying to shame us. We're obviously not in the best shape we've ever been. No, no, no. That's fair to say.

It's been a long COVID. Thank you so much. Yep. You never criticise anyone of any shape for trying to exercise and exercising. One time this bigger guy was going for a run. Someone was like, oh, look at this boy going for a run. And I'm like, hey, he's running.

Yeah, he's going for a run. He's literally doing the work. Yeah. If he was laying on the ground with 15 cheeseburgers sitting on him. But even then you don't say anything. He's living his best life. Maybe he's living his best life. But if someone's trying to excise, who the fuck are you to criticise?

No, but see, you're a good person. Thank you. So, of course, that is your take. Have you ever been out running on the street and some lads roll down their window and, like, shout something at you because that has happened to me. So, no, good people don't do that. Oh. Yeah, but bad people are kind of what I'm concerned about here.

Oh, my mistake. Yeah, I'm not going to ever expect that 20 Ryans drive past me. There might be 20 Ryans, but there's always going to be one fuckwit. If I drove past you in the street and you were running. You'd ask me to take my top off. Well, what would be your preferred response other than mind my own fucking business and keep driving? Would you appreciate like a, woo, get it, girl? No, I just don't want anybody to.

But for me, though. Oh, from you. Oh, yeah. But I would expect you to drive up to me and say, do you want to lift home? What's that mean? Like, why are you running? Is someone chasing you? Is something free down the street that you're trying to get?

Something on sale? Anyway, so I decided against running on the street. I thought I'll just go down on the treadmill until I gain a bit of confidence and then I can run outside. And the weather's kind of a bit crappy at the moment, so I was like, cool, do it inside. Luckily, I did. What happened?

So I'm down in the gym. Did you poo? There was. Oh my. Really? Really? I'm down in the gym. Sorry.

There's nobody else there. There's no one else there. I get on the treadmill. I start walking. So I was like, cool, I'll warm up for five minutes. That's what they say. And then five minutes later, I like start like upping the treadmill. I start walking. So I was like, cool, I'll warm up for five minutes. That's what they say. And then five minutes later, I like start like upping the pace, all good. And I'm just like watching TikToks and listening to music and stuff.

Great, easy, yep. Because I was like, cool, that'll take my mind off it. I'll be able to have a laugh. Great idea. And then I've been there for ten minutes and I'm like, I'm going to poo myself. Once your legs start moving, it starts churning everything out. It just starts going, doesn't it?

It gets everything going. So in Australia over recent years, this is the most important thing that's been in the Australian news cycle. There's been a lot of poo jogging stories. Yes. Every few months there's like a poo jogger. Yep. So they're out for a run and then they squat down and poo

in someone's driveway or like on their lawn and then keep running. But they happen to always get caught on CCTV. Because they're rich people in rich people areas. Don't poop in a rich area. Just don't poo anywhere. That's my number three rule of thumb. Don't poop on a rich person's driveway. I've always said that.

So what did you do then? Well, so I'm like, okay, this is coming. But I was like, oh, I really want to keep running. I'll see if I can push the boat out. Wrong decision. Don't say push the boat out. Yeah. Well, anyway, so I'm like, oh, I really want to keep running. I'll see if I can push the boat out. Wrong decision. Don't say push the boat out. Yeah, well, anyway, so I'm like walking. I'm like something terrible is going to happen

and I had to sprint up to my apartment. Is there not toilets in the gym? Well, I don't think so, but I didn't actually have time to make the wrong decision. There was no room for error. No, there was no room for error. No, there was no room for error. So, yes, while that toilet might have been closer in distance, if I'd walked there, there's no toilet, and then had to get upstairs,

I would have pooed in my bike shorts. Oh, and the bike shorts too. Oh, and that would have been a fucking sight, wouldn't it? Did you make it? Just. And when I say just, just, just. How satisfying is it though? It wasn't a nice poo.

You know when sometimes it's a nice one, sometimes it isn't? It wasn't. Anyway, so I did that on Monday and then I haven't run for the rest of the week. I know, after that ordeal. It was the trauma. Now you've got to rest up. Yeah, I've got to recuperate from that. I'd even have a cold bath just to let.

Tighten it all up. Yeah. But the run is on. You've got, oh, I was talking a month. Yeah. So I'm fucking, I'm sweet, I reckon. What do you reckon we'll get up to? I reckon we'll get over a thousand Patreons.

So it will be over two kilometres we'll need to run. 2K is not that far, eh? No. Well, it depends. It's all relative. Can I walk for a bit if I get puffed or do I have to run the whole thing? Oh, yeah. I mean, if you can't keep running, you can't keep running,

but you have to run it eventually. What if I run until I throw up? Then can I stop? No. Okay. You stop when you've done enough metres. Should we get some of those marathon runner like gel packs? It's two kilometres.

Some people are listening to this just dying because they run 25 k's twice a week and they're just like just do the run. Oh. Well, they can enjoy their time. We're doing whatever we can and we're doing our best. Okay. A little bit of feedback from last week. Lindsay Maxwell.

Hi, Lindsay. You know how last week we read like the worst Tinder bio ever? Oh, yeah. Lindsay has a really great idea for Tinder or Bumble or one of those things. Okay. So because the Tinder bio we heard was like a send up of the speech from Taken that Liam Neeson gives and he said, like, I will find you and I will fuck you and it was very aggressive. We also spoke last week about Google reviews.

Yes. And so Lindsay's mind's turning. She's hearing reviews. She's hearing dating with TinderBios. Lay it on me, Lindsay. I wish people could leave reviews on Tinder to give you a heads up. Oh, my God, that's such a good idea. Right?

You had a, like, maybe he wasn't the right. Like on Uber. Yeah, like maybe he wasn't the best one for you. Be like, oh, actually, like, a lovely guy, though. Yeah, and wasn't creepy or, like, was really friendly or whatever. And I feel like if someone, there was a lot of red flags, wouldn't it be great if the sisters could just like, hey, you dated this guy a few months ago and he was a psycho?

Maybe give us a heads up. Yeah, or like, oh, he was really creepy or he didn't rock up or, you know, he was super racist or something. At least then you weren't going to waste a great outfit on some loser, you know? Yeah. Yeah. I thought that was brilliant.

Yeah, I love that. Now, I'm not going to name and shame this person because that's not who I am. Okay. George Wendell, what's he done? That's not the kind of person I am. But one person in our group has shared their Tinder bio. Oh my God, love the sharing and caring. And they want a bit

of feedback. And I thought, I know Tony, the love guru. I'm not good at this stuff. She will be able to help you out. So what I'm going to get you to do, Tony, read it out loud first go, read through the whole thing, and then we'll reconvene at the end. Okay. out first go okay read through the whole thing and then we'll reconvene at the end okay okay first impressions i haven't read it yet it's too long okay picture this you log into tinder see a decent girl a seven out of ten at best unsure whether to swipe right but you see her bio. You like it. It's captivating. Fuck it. You swipe right. Boom. You match.

You start talking. Conversations are engaging. She listens. She cares. She's genuine. Okay. Yeah. You bring her home for the holidays.

Your family loves her. Oh, that's me. I'm so good with parents. Yeah, I'm painting the picture. This is beautiful. A couple of years pass and you get married. Oh. You found the love of your life on this app.

Cool story? It's not going to gonna happen but i'll do anal oh my god any feedback um no perfect as is. Oh, my gosh, that's so funny. It really is. I wish that I was single so that I could have a Tinder bio like that. But then I think about being single and it sounds awful.

Then you think of the rest of Tinder and you're like, oh. Exactly. What, you're going to laugh once a month at a bio like that and then never again? You can join just for the bio. Oh, yeah, okay. I'll be like, please don't swipe on me. I'm just here for the laughs. I heavily love to see it this week.

It's been in the news and I'm assuming that most people would have seen it because it went a bit viral on TikTok. Yeah. But last week Adele had her one night only live stream. Yes. And there was a part of it that I really, really loved and Emma Thompson was asking Adele about whether she had a teacher that really stood out for her and changed her life

and she said, oh, I had this amazing teacher only for one year for English and she made me love literature and she was so cool. She did like street dancing and always wore gold earrings and stuff. And Emma Thompson goes, oh, great, well, she sounds amazing. And she was like, oh, my God, is she here? And she comes up to the stage and Adele's like, oh, my God, mum, like that teacher's here. And it was just so heartwarming.

And she's like, how are you? And the teacher's like, I'm so proud of you for being here and I'm yeah I was bawling yeah as you can imagine and they're catching up on the stage and Adele goes oh have you got kids and the teacher goes yeah I do they're right there and she says oh I'm so excited to meet you can I get your phone number and it's like a full-on catch-up like this is happening on stage live and all these people are watching. Because the venue was, like, filled with celebrities. Like, Emma Watson was there. Like, it was so cool.

Alan Carr then got up and sang a song so that Adele could fix her makeup. But I just found that really special, and I think that teachers often don't actually get the praise that they deserve for changing lives. Absolutely. Like, to speak for myself, I definitely had teachers that were really there for me in times when I needed support. And that's from someone who had a really great upbringing and great family.

So yeah, I think that teachers deserve a bit more support and a bit more love for doing the things that they do because it's really incredible. You love to see that. You love to see it. You know, my mum was a teacher and my auntie. And my cousin. Yeah, a lot of teachers in my family. Oh, that's, I can imagine.

Your mum would be a good teacher. She'd be very, like, very loving. Well, I think she was the hard ass. Oh, really? She became principal. And I feel like only the mean ones become principal. Oh, at your school? No.

Oh, just imagine that. You don't want to be the guy that's like, oh, mum! You're like, ma! Although my auntie was my teacher for one subject. Oh. And then I'm pretty sure her kids, she taught them as well. So did you call her Auntie Karen? Or did you say, like, Mrs... Well, everyone called her Miss

McLeod, but I just called her, I'd just be like, hey, Linda. Oh, okay. And I didn't make, like, a point of it to, like, you know, show off, but that's, like, what her name was to me. Yeah. And it'd be weird, like, if I said. And I didn't make like a point of it to like, you know, show off, but that's like what her name was to me. Yeah. And it'd be weird. Like if I said Miss McLeod, she would have just laughed at me. Yeah.

And I didn't go to one of those schools that would have given a shit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Whereas I feel like if I was like, no, Linda, it would have been to show off. Some pretty exciting news that I really love to see. Yeah. Kate Richens.

You know Kate. She's in the Facebook group. Yeah. Kate. Me and her. Well, she. She's in the Facebook group. Yeah, Kate, me and her. Well, she was one of the OG getting involved with the comments and stuff. Yes. And she went a bit quiet for a while. Oh. And I was off her.

Oh. It turned out, because I'm like, well, where's she gone? Where's she gone? Well, it turned out she was busy having a baby. And she's posted in the group during this week, the first tarpa baby has finally arrived. And now I'm trying really hard not to laugh when I'm listening to you guys. Forget about those stories about laughing in public or while driving.

I'm trying not to laugh while having a sleeping baby on my chest. And dear God, I lost it during the cum gun segment. I was trying not to wake up the baby and my whole body was shaking. I'm guessing Tony and Ryan will be like a second set of parents to soothe them because we listen to you guys all the time when we're at home. Do you know what as well? I am a really cool auntie.

I can help with any craft projects. Yep. That's what I can bring to the table. Okay. What do you think I could bring? Oh, you're very supportive. You're actually a really nice person to ask for advice from. Are you sure about that?

Oh, I do. I ask you advice a lot. Yeah. Okay. What? Sometimes I get nervous that I'm like preachy, that I'm like telling you what to do. But I guess you always ask.

So I'm asking for it. It's my fault. You're. So I'm asking for it. It's my fault. You're right. She was asking for it. But a shout out to our first tarpa baby. Isn't that just beautiful? Do we have a name of the tarpa baby? Maybe she's trying to keep it private.

And probably fair call. Yeah. Let's call it. No, let's not call it what I was about to say. Okay. Because there were suggestions in the comments that the baby's first words would be cum gun because that's what she was hearing. Okay.

What about Tony? Baby Tony? No, I actually wouldn't fuck up a child's life like that. We've actually got them on the line. Hello, here they are. Oh, don't. They're just waking up. Thanks for joining us.

Oh, their phone's cut out. That's a shame. But you love to see it. You do love to see it. That is beautiful. Congratulations, Kate and Fanny. Congratulations. That's so lovely.

And the photo. Did you actually see that photo in the group? I did, yeah. How cute. So cute. Babies are cute. I mean, there's always a couple of ugly ones, but this wasn't one of them.

Yeah, some of them are a bit like... Yeah, yeah. This wasn't one of them. That was a cute one. Yeah, no. You do love to see it. You love to see it. You know what I love to see?

My child not being ugly. It wouldn't be good for them. Why? Well, imagine if you've cooked this thing for nine months and it comes out, you're like, ooh, hopefully it's got a good personality. LAUGHTER All right, we will chat to you tomorrow

when we discuss things you can say at the dentist and also in the bedroom. Yep. And also I've got a normal or nah in a few days, which is going to... Ooh, they're my fave. My wife and I are in a fight about what people say. Oh, okay. And I need you to be on my side.

Not banking on it, though. Yep. I never would be banking on me being on your side. All right, chat to you tomorrow. Bye. Meow. But it's a baby kitten that's just been born. Meow.

Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. They got a bit National Geographic, didn't they?