Toni and Ryan - Deal Or No Deal Is Rigged?!?

Episode Date: March 3, 2026

Little punk justice - Foulest-mouth country - Deal or no deal - LOVE YA!!!!!Sign up to Patreon Here - www.patreon.com/ToniandRyanFAQ and T&C's PODCASTAWAY - www.toniandryan.com.au/podcastawayVideo for this EP is available on YOUTUBECheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Deal or no deal. You know how it's a screen inside the case? Do you know what I reckon? I don't trust that they're not changing those A. That's why they're in a locked case. Like, you can't change it. No. I'm Tony from Geelong, Victoria. That's Aspen and this is Pongo. Hi, it's Caitlin from Nicholson, Victoria. Hi, I'm Nikki Z from CFI, Manitoba, Canada. And I approve this podcast. Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Dr. Arthur. Tony Lodge.

Safe space, here to have fun. Here to have fun. If you have to pretend to be professional at work or you have to pretend to be not as gay in your small hometown. Have a break with us. Do whatever the fuck you want here. So, Twix. Coming up soon.

We are officially a Twix podcast. I'm sorry for mentioning Kit Kat. Don't be money. No, I said sorry. I said sorry. Bridget asked if they were Twixers in the favourites box last night. And I was like, what planet are you living on? Are you joking?

And I married her. Oh, that's a shame. That's embarrassing. Never too late for divorce. But I would like to start off today though with something very exciting. It's not often we always end the episode with the yellow to see it, but I want to start the episode with you love to see it. Because the power of the email reigns supreme.

My sister heard back from the school. If people knew. Oh, I'm so sorry. So for the last few weeks, a punk-haust little bitch has been ringing my sister's ring doorbell as they walk home from school. Yep. She lives down from like a big bus. stop.

They all get off the bus, walk past. Think they're fucking cool. Ring the doorbell. Her dog goes berserk. The kids, fray-cats. Like, it's just a whole thing. And it's also just a pain in the ass. Those things aside, it's just annoying.

Yeah. We, I made her get the ring doorbell, so I've taken a lot of responsibility on in this situation. I composed an email that Ryan read yesterday. You did offer some wonderful upgrades. It was very formal, very litigious. Maybe. The not as street fighty as I would have liked. Yeah, you wanted to go a bit more like what's good.

Where I went, here is what is appropriate. I think de fuck. Da fuck. That's what it should mean. Like, dear school that has that shit kid that they haven't taught street sense. What's on? De fuck. Do fuck.

Photos attached. So we went with my version. Yep. And the school emailed back. And they said, we have spoken to the children, we have spoken to their parents. The children, both of them, wrote out a big apology from both of them. Do we have that?

I'm not going to, so I've decided not to share that because, no, no, no, because the whole thing was, is that these kids now have, like, learnt their lesson. They are very, very, very, they seem very, very sorry. The school is like, yeah, we take this really seriously and we are sorry that this is how our schools come across in the community. and I think that's a great outcome. I need to see those letters. I'm not going to, I can show you the letters,

but I'm not going to do them on the podcast. Handwritten? They are, yeah. How's their handwriting? Could you feel the sincerity in the handwriting? Well, yeah. Or it would look like they're just fucking, yeah, that'll fucking do.

No, it seems actually really genuine. And I think that the best outcome here was that these kids learn that if you fuck up, in life, if you fuck up, and then you say sorry and you see where you've gone wrong, there is an opportunity. to apologize. Dear.

That is what life is, because the reason that people grow up to be adults that don't know how to fucking apologize is because when their kids, they try and apologize, people go, no, I don't want to fucking hear it. Is there anything you'd like to talk about? No,

but that's like, that's where those things are bred from. Yep. And so I think it's just really sweet that like, like, these kids have been given an opportunity to be like, you know what? That was a dick move. Yep.

And, you know, I think that this is all good. I just, I would be, if that was my kid, I'd be really upset that they'd be done that. but then I'd be really proud. The letters were their idea. Really? So they said,

this is, do you reckon they got an airtasker to do it? So, like, the school was like, oh, we would like to apologize. The parents are like,

you know, really sorry, but the children have asked if it would be appropriate to send an apology. Then they said to us, like, would you like to see it?

Like, we were allowed to say like, no, we don't want to hear about it. Yeah. We're like, no, I think that's really nice.

And did it say, we and my sister. It's not. Dear Libby, sister of Australia's favorite podcaster. Yeah, who's your sister again? Do you reckon they'll know? They'll know what? Like, we've heard a bit of chat on the pod.

I don't know, maybe. How many people are writing letters about door, bring doorbellances? But I also just think like, I didn't say anything that wasn't true. Like if I thought about being out of it, but just like they know they've been spoken about. Maybe. But I mean, like, I'm just telling my best friend about it. It's not my fault that I've got. got a million best friends are also listening.

Yeah. You know? We can't be held responsible for that. The same way that if, you know, this was going on and I was like, God, you won't believe what's happening at Lib's place. I'd call you and tell you that. You know my next question, though, don't you? What is that?

Question. Think about it. What's my main concern? Can we shoot someone with the tuna water pistol? Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to say no. I think that that, you know, now that this is all cleared up and, like...

It seems like you care about these kids more than you care about. me. There I've said it. Don't do that. You know that I love you very much and I love you so much that I want to protect you from getting in trouble for shooting anybody with tuna oil water pistol. Where as a society, when a fully grown man shoots a kid. With a water pistol. Still not cool, I wouldn't. Yeah. Probably worse than two kids doing it or two grownups doing it. Hmm. Like, because kids doing that to each other, it's like, ah, water fight. Two adults. you know, like,

what a fight? Yeah. But you being like, water pistol. Yeah. And they don't have any stuff to fight back. Yeah. Because they are just ringing a doorbell.

They're just walking home from school. Yeah. But bless them. I thought that was really sweet. You just went, oh, they're in a school uniform after school and I go, I got it.

I got it. And I go, are you in Temple Store? You're like, I'm in Clayton. Well, it's got a letter. Is there a single letter that's in both?

There's an L in it. There's a T in it. Yeah. Oh, Clayton. Yep. Clayton. Are you Clayton? No, Ten, Pustow.

Tempo Stowe. I'll change the spelling of Tental and Stowe so I can light those kids up. Tental Stowe and Clayton. Anyway, I think that's a good outcome. For some. Everybody except for Ryan, I think it's a good outcome. Charles? I think my sister's pretty happy about it.

She did like the email in the end, which I thought was quite sweet. I spoke to your sister's partner. think he was keen to like these kids up to. Yeah, he, yeah, he, he doesn't, he doesn't,

he got that, he don't got that. I think also my nephews were probably, oh, we can do that. I've got a Nerf gun, like, and they go,

oh, what does Uncle Ryan reckon? And I went, no, no, no, we're not doing Uncle, we're not doing Uncle,

would that mean we're married or we're brother and sister? No, it's just like me, it's just a respect thing. Well, then they don't be Uncle Ryan. Just Ryan.

Tony's friend from work. Aunt Toddy's, friend from work. No, but your aunt Tony. Yeah. Bonnie's aren't Bonnie. It's just like, yeah, they're friends and we're family. I actually, I love a rogue aunt.

You're a rogue uncle. You know how like those things of, what, when you're growing up, he's just like, your mom's random friend. But for me, it was like my mom's random friends from bowling were all my aunts. Great. Like that, like that was like. All right. If I, actually, before I'm, Charles, just do you have anything to say?

I would have loved to like, rig up the ring doorbell with the electric shock that's all I've missed out such a good move too I missed out on learning how to do that you took away education from me Tony hates education you know what I'm sorry for taking that opportunity away from you that wasn't my intention I just wanted to do what I thought was best for the future of my community my sister's community I've taken this to heart a lot I love making things about me no um I'm sorry Thank you. I'm the villain.

Write it in a letter. Yeah, if you will accept an apology, I'll write it out. I would accept that. Yeah, I'll write that out. I wrote you a love letter yesterday. I can write you an apology today. I remember you mentioning that you would. Show this.

I here have the top five countries with the foulest mouths in the world. Like need to brush their teeth? No, like swear words. Which country swear the most? Nauty swears. because we don't judge anyone, it doesn't matter that we ran out of space when we're riding foul-mouthed on the board.

You know what? I reckon that adds comedy. Thank you. Well done, Danny. The most foul-mouthed countries in the world. Yes, Tony Lodge. I would like to guess where Australia is. Please.

I reckon it's higher than four, but I don't know that it's number one. I thought you were... Sorry. I reckon it's probably higher than four, but probably lower than two. It's three. But I don't think it's the number one. Maybe it is the fucking number one.

Number five, most foul-mouthed country in the world is Canada. Really? But they're so polite. And that's where they get you. It is big, though. A lot of opportunity for swearing. They use a lot of profanity. But it's casual profanity.

What is that mean? Because we think of Canadians as being polite, but they'll go, oh, weather's fucked. That's kind of like Australia, I feel. So it's not always, because it's always aggressive or mean, but they just, you know, very casually let it roll out. I think we might be, I think Australia might be number one. If Canada's number five, the nicest people on earth. Number four. A place where we might be going soon.

Ireland. Islands. Oh my God. Turns out it's near London, more details coming soon. Oh, you'd be joking if you fucking got the feckon... Ginnis on the feckin' thing. That's what they sound like. Oh, to be sure, you get the Guinness on the feck and chips in the cradle and the silver spoon.

Masters of the soft swear. Softs. Delivered with charm, warmth and quiet devastation. You're a bit of feckin all right, don't you? Uh, terms like bolococ. and shite. Oh, do they count in as a swear?

In Ireland they do. Oh. Oh. Fucking bless you. Thank you. I'm trying to be number one. You're trying to pump us up. I'm pumping us up right before.

Can I tell you something? Yeah. It's already written. Because when I use the board and we pull the thing off. Do you hate fun? Do you hate me having fun? I'm just like, it's just like one of those quirks of the trade. It might be an LED in there like on deal or not.

deal. You know how it's a screen inside the case? Do you know what I reckon in deal or no deal? I don't trust that they're not changing those A. That's why they're in a locked case. What? Like, you can't change it because it's... You absolutely remotely could.

No. You for sure could because it's a screen. It's not written down in there. But it's in a case. Yeah, but I reckon like, you know how Charles changes all this stuff that's not plugged in all the time. How does he do that? I just don't trust that they're not fucking with the numbers in there.

But it's not, it's not an LED screen. Yeah, I was going to say, I'm pretty sure it's like printed. No, it's a screen. That's not a screen. No,

you fucking cockhead in the cases. Yeah, it's not a screen. Oh, that case. Oh, yeah, sorry. That is a screen. That's not a screen.

They are screens. Go, find another picture. There's no way that's a screen. No, they are screens. Like, trust me. I watched a bit of deal or no deal

of my time. I just don't think, because it would flat, like it would let lights on it, it would bounce and it would look awful. But I think that it looks better, a matte screen on there. That's not a screen. That's a screen. That's not a screen. There's no way that could be a screen.

Like, not a chance in hell. Had you all for a sec, but. I always thought it was little screens. How do they get it so high-deaf, Charles? They just print it. Print it. Print it nice, yeah. Because if it was a screen, I think, even if it's easy,

logistically people, it would be, everyone would be smelling rats. Yeah. So all this time, that's what I've been thinking. I was like, oh, they're, like, they're not going to get their $500 for a correct guess because they're probably just changing it in there. Imagine the scandal. That's genuinely what I was like, well, you can't trust that show. There's screens in there.

How many episodes of deal or no deal? Do you reckon I've watched 15 minutes of probably 200 episodes? Yeah. Like, you never watch it fully. It's not the chase. No. Absolutely not. I reckon I've watched the last 10 minutes of the chase a thousand times

And the start of it's six Because it's the lead into the news Deal or no, the chase Oh what? Yeah You've never watched a full episode of the chase Because often it's on before the news And you go, oh, I'll watch the 6 o'clock news

You flick it on it's 550 and you go Oh, a couple hours with the final round And you see if they win the money or not Yeah, yeah, yeah, and that's the joy As people will tell you, foreplay, no Yeah Get straight into it That's why I've never trusted that show

because I thought they were screens. Could you imagine the scandal if they opened the thing and maybe they'd change the screen a bit too late and it was switched over? Or it bugged out and glitched or something? Like that would just be mayhem in the showbie's world. So this is what I always thought they were doing. I was like, well, I can't trust him. Grant Dena, a smile on the front, but alligator in the back, you know?

You just don't know. And that's what I've heard. Yeah. A real alligator in the back is what they say. But if they're getting that printed, that's pretty high quality. I got some stuff printed at Officeworks the other day and it was a lot of stuff It was awesome actually

Because I did it I did like to upload the document On the website and then you go pick it up To convert it to a PDF first? It was already a PDF Yeah you get a good finish when it's PDF Do you know what I love that when you're like Going to print something and you're like Save a PDF and you have to click print and you're like

Save PDF It feels like cheeky Yeah You thought I was going to print something But I didn't know it's just PDF. Sight. $270 the printing was.

It was very expensive. How thick was the, that was the GSM on that paper? The GCM was standard, but it was colour. Yeah. And it was bound. No, it's the bounding, yeah.

How many bounds? I didn't like different things being... Yep. Eight. Oh, well, yeah. Oh, no, it was absolutely fair. One of them was 174 pages. Only $270.

What are you bounded, mate? Just bounded. What are you bounded? Just bounded. What are you bound it? You're bounding some stuff. It's private. Hang on.

What could you be bound? Recipes? Patterns. Patens. Yeah. Sorry. Patterns for cooking? For what genre of food is this pattern?

The old Italian pattern. Yeah. Nah, like I've bought heaps of like patterns off Etsy and stuff. And I was like, oh, if I print them all, like get them all printed, that'll be good. And I'm just helping the small circular economy of the, And actually, you know what happened? One of the big ones, the bound, it was upside, like half of it was upside down. And I was like, oh, it was probably like that in the document.

And I checked it and it wasn't. And I went in there and I was like, hey, I'm really sorry. But like this, and she goes, oh, my God. I'm so sorry. She's like, oh, we'll just reprint it for you now. Which office works? Preston Bell Street. They were great.

No need for tuna oil because I bought a heap the other day and it don't know what to do with it. Don't know what to do with it. No, they're great. They've helped me a few times when I've had a quam. Preston is great. Right. Bandura, excellent service.

Where's that one? Is that near the Dan Murphy's in Bandura? Like that little shopping. It's not far from my car wash. Yeah, that's where the Dan Murphy's is. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's nice. There's a sushi place around there, which is quite good too.

Number three. Yep. So it's already written is what you're saying. Yes. Most foul-mouth countries in the world. Yep. Here we got. Australia.

Oh. Who's worse that ass? Australians are freestyle fuckers with 2,160 variations of swear words. Say that number again? 2,000, 1, 2160 variations of swear words. What are they? I don't, I know we can't list them all. There's 2,000.

But like... I can't think of more than six. Fuck, shit. Bitch. Cock. But you know how we did that thing where shit can be used in so many different ways? Shit, yeah. Yeah, so I think when they speak about variations and maybe it includes, you know, that kind of stuff.

Intent. Yeah, or like the difference between shit and shit. Or shit. Yeah. Oh, shit. I've got to do a shit. I think I shit. I know, you'd say chat there, wouldn't you?

I think I've shit myself. Yeah. Yeah. Number three. All right. I can't believe that we're number three. That feels so sad. Who's breeding us?

Number two, most foul-mouthed country in the world. United Kingdom. I'll pay that. I think they're a solid number two. Not as frequent as number one, but masters of brutal timing and maximum emotional damage. Oh, get fucked. Are you bloody kidding me?

It's tea time. Bloody hell. No. Oh, you bloody kidding me, little bitch. I think of those like really smart witty comebacks of like the cockney gangsters and stuff. You know how they always got something to say? Like lock stock and two smoking barrels and those kind of. Vinnie Jones.

Yeah. What's the other one? Snatch. Snatch. Are they the same movie? Yes. Yeah, Guy Ritchie just did the same one twice, hoping we wouldn't notice. We did.

I might have been wrong about the fucking screens in the deal or no deal, but I'm not wrong about that. I am sad about the screens in the deal. I really, I thought I was fucking onto something. I, that's all right. Maybe get them next time. Have you ever been on deal or no deal? Should we get you on there? Have I, okay.

I'm going to say something that is not going to, if I'd been on deal or no deal. Yeah, you wouldn't have shut the fuck up. We would know. We would know. Yeah. We would know. Do you want to get on there? No.

Why not? No, because if I was going to go on a. game show or something, it would be the chase. Because I love Larry. Do they even still make deal or no deal? Yeah, it's back. It's on Channel 10. It's films here in Melbourne at my old work studios.

Well, the Chase films at my old work studios in Sydney. I just, I'm a Channel 7 girl. Yeah, but I think. I would also go on the 1% club. I really like that show. But sometimes you just got to like cast a wide net. But for what? Like, I don't need to.

I don't need to go on anything. Wouldn't you love to go on there, though? I would love to see you on it. But I wouldn't want to go on deal or no deal because I don't trust it. You should say that. That'd be great. That'd love that. That's good talent.

That's good content. In my production interviews, I'm like, I don't really get a good vibe. Tony at 5'2 towering over Grant Denia. Gide, champion. And then just go, hey, Grant, are they screens? They swap them? Yeah. Do you remember they're editing them the line?

Who's the banker? Well, who? Who? It's Charles. Charles is the banker. It's so wouldn't surprise me if they were filming now on Charles. So he's got those two screens. You know, he's just like tapping away.

One of them is keeping an eye on the podcast and the other is being the banker in real time for a recording of deal or no deal. Is it? I wish. What? Our show's not enough. Well, like, no, but just get access to that amount of money, you know. It's not. I'm the banker.

I think you get it. How do you think you'd go with the pressure of deal or no deal? Because obviously you've got to make some decisions. It's not just like, oh, see how it. It gets to a point where you go, am I taking the deal? Am I here once in a lifetime? So I'm going for it. Like, where, like, how do you, because we talked to it the other day about like,

being in an exam at school and like the pressure. Like in terms of like, I want to, you know, I want to do good. Yeah. But the thing about deal or no deal, I just don't think I could get stressed about it. because the game doesn't make sense to me. Like, yeah, go on. So you open at the beginning,

you open 10 or whatever. And then as you go through it, as you go into the rounds, you open less and less. Yeah, fuck. I need to settle in here. Yeah. As you go through,

it's like you go through one round, you open 10, the next round you open 8, the next round, you open 6, whatever. Like, what?

Do the cases that you open affect? Well, it removes things from the board. Yeah, yeah. So it removes the opportunity for it to be in your case. Yeah. So how does the offer go up and down? Because say if there's $200,000 is the top amount. Yeah.

And at the start, you've got a one in 40 chance of getting $200,000. Yeah. But as you go forward, you've then got a one in eight chance. Yeah. So your odds are much higher. Oh. So then the deal is to like stop you from getting like closer to the 200K. Well, it's to give you like to tempt you out of it.

Okay, that doesn't. That hasn't really explained anything. But see how like the number, some of the numbers are gone. No, yeah, yeah. But how does picking a number affect what you get offered or whatever? Because it reduces the chance. Like so does the number because when they when you knock out a high one they all go oh is that you can't get it anymore yeah okay no I hate the game

how many times did you say you'd watch I've watched about 10 to 15 minutes of probably 100 episodes because it kind of sounds like you've just learned how it works no but that was every time I watched I was like that I don't explain this game you're not allowed to make fun of me I'm telling you I don't know how it worked we're not making fun of you we're just You are 100% are. So what did you think? So you just like, it wasn't like you were like thinking something else. You were just like, I don't know what this.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't not understand. I just didn't know. Yeah. You know what I mean? Because then they don't always, obviously if they take the offer, they don't get what's in their case. Yeah.

But so if you go all the way to the end, do you just get what's in the case? Yeah. Oh. But you don't know what's in there. Yeah. So then what's all the fucking. hith-hoff.

No wonder you weren't stressed. Yeah. So then what's all the hif-hoff before that? Just let me pick a case and open it. And if there's nothing in there, then cool, I'll go home. It doesn't need to go for an hour. It doesn't need to go for an hour. But it does need some time.

No, I don't think it does. So you want to pick a case at the start and go, I'll just have it. Yeah. Whatever's in there. All good. If that's the end game. It's not, though. The end game is to make as much money as you can.

Yeah. So if you've got $2 in your case... Yeah, which you don't know. You don't know, but if you do, if you just take your $2, then you're only won $2. Yeah, but then if you're working towards getting... The highest amount possible. No, no, no, but if you're working towards,

ideally you've picked the highest in your case, right? That's like the hope. And then the aim of the game is to get to the end and not get tempted and, like, get to... No, the aim is to get the most money possible. But in the beginning, they say, where do you think the 200K is or whatever? and you hope that you have picked the highest one so that you just like get that at the end or whatever.

Well, I think the benefit of having the 200,000 is you're not going to knock it out. Yes. Because you've got it. It's not necessarily about you getting what's in your case. It's just you can't knock it out. Yeah, sure. Like it's always going to be on the board. Yeah.

But then if you got tempted along the way. Yeah. But then you might have more money in your case or whatever. Yeah. But yeah, if that, like, I think just pick a case. move on. Let's do a skit and it's just like and you're just picking in case and it's like all the producers

and all like, oh, like how do we create some drama? You're like, oh, I'm actually all good. I just pick this one. Yeah, and the show. I reckon it's got the money in it. I'm all good. And so the show starts at 5 o'clock. It's like leading into the 6 o'clock news and then that's 502.

And then you goes, uh, hey, like, is the new, are the news ready? Yeah. Can we cut to them now? Are they good to go, nah? fuck what am I Grant Dan you're going to do for the next 58 minutes Would anyone like me to sing a musical number? Yeah and they could do that

But then if they wanted to feel that time They should have come up with a bit of fucking show That's not my fault Tony will take the case And then we can all play the chase Switch over to Channel 7 Larry's got you covered All right coming up after this

Find out who was number one See I'd pay to watch that Yep but first here's what's coming up next in the news. You know how they do that in the thing? We don't have news coming up. Thanks for the news headlines. I was just acting.

I was just acting. I'm Tony from Geelong, Victoria. It's Caitlin from Nicholson, Victoria. Hi, I'm Nickyzy from CFB Shaila, Manitoba, Canada. And you're listening to Tony and Ryan. Well, after that riveting uncovering of, Primetime TV, I've got a few championed tarpish out.

That's right, Patreon. Nathan Moore, good on you, Nathan. Carly, Tarant, good on you,

Carly. Tina Lynn MacArthur, Rebecca O'Reilly. Oh, top of the morning, too. Oh, your fucking,

thanks. They swear a lot. I don't know. Lisa. Good on you, Lisa. Abby B. Kelsey Earle,

Dr. Todd, Ph.D. And Kristen. Thank you very much for being part of our Patreon. Absolutely love to see it.

We're about to hear who is the number one, foulest, malice, country in the world. What are we up to? Who have we got already? Number five, Canada.

Number four, Ireland. Number three, Australia. Number two, United Kingdom. And by the way, this was a major linguistic study by the University of Eastern Finland, which analysed billions of words delivered online across people and friends and shit. I lost interest in the official explanation about, You've heard when I go back. Yeah, it sounds very.

That's so deal or no deal. But it is. That's my new read. When I'm not interested in something, I'm going to go, that's a real deal or no deal. Hey, no deal. That's what I'm going to start doing. Oh, don't do that.

No deal. Even ironically, that would be the most, most annoying thing you could cop. Don't you reckon? Even like someone in your office just decide, oh, no. deal like as if the show's just started like i don't know why my brain's in like skit mode but i can see the skit where it's yeah literally called the person in your office that just became obsessed with deal

or no deal oh i'm turning do you mind doing the dishes oh no deal and they think it's really funny every time and everyone's like oh my god yeah oh last round everyone oh no deal one will be up you know like it's like for boys like it's a boy thing for sure We've learned a lot today. We've talked a lot about deal or no deal. Sorry, before you review another one, do you like doing this pod with me? Because I just, I know that.

It's frustrating that you know about deal or no deal. I'm spiraling a little bit. You are sparring a little bit. How are you feeling today? I just told you I'm spiraling with me. What do you need from us? No, I just really love being here and I'm just having like a real silly fun time. Yeah.

Are you? Yeah. Great. Yeah. Oh, no, I actually love to see that. Yeah, great. Yeah, cool. What's number one?

The most foul mouth country in the world is the USA. And this is per... No deal! I don't... I didn't say that coming. This is per capita, by the way, for any maths nerds playing on at home. What does that mean?

Oh, sorry. We've just done odds chat with deal on no deal. When I asked Ryan a math question, he goes, no deal. If you didn't understand deal or no deal after a thousand episodes, well, I actually have a guess what per capita means per capital city yeah so the amount of swear words divided by how many capital cities you've got is that actually it no it's uh per like divided by population as in like capital mean then

uh like people uh like person yeah right because like america has so many more people like of course there's more swear words because there's more people but i go no but if we average it out across how many people oh so it's a ratio kind of is it's a a little bit. A little bit. Yeah. Like, the ratio of square words.

Five for them is one to us so that we've got to like ratio that out. Yeah, I would say it's a ratio. Oh, it's a Latin term for for each. Don't you speak Latin? Sorry. See, this is, you know the other day, I can't, maybe it was last week. I actually don't remember because. But when I said about how I stopped being curious because I was like,

Oh, people go, don't. worry about it. See, I'm glad that I... I'm really glad. Sorry, I just smacked my hand on my microphone. I'm really glad I asked because now I know. Yeah. I just got volume up, didn't I? Is there anything that you are spirally. Yeah, sorry. Yeah, I tell you

a great spot for curiosity is going, how does this game show work? I just kept thinking that one day I'd get it. And I just kept you know what is so funny? Is that in all that time? No, I've got to

I think I'm actually done for today. In all that time, at no point did I go, maybe I don't get it. Every time I was like, they haven't thought this through. It's actually a really clever game. No, it's, who's fucking sign of you? No, but I just love to like, would you be stressed? You're like, I don't think so. I'm, of course you wouldn't be.

Because I don't understand it. And that's the beauty of, you know, ignorance is please. That's a beauty of, it is the beauty of ignorance is please. You should go on Burjo's catchphrase. But I just love that. that time I was just like they haven't thought like this huge show oh but it's their job to explain themselves and they don't yeah yeah so it's like they never start that show with like here's a quick recap of how the game works but you've also never seen the start of it true because I'm

the same of the chase I only watched the last 10 minutes but the chase though is so so you don't need an explanation because they just nail it I also have never seen an explanation of deal or you know deal but you can't figure it out I just didn't know how they were calculating them numbers ever. Like when they do the bank offer, I'm like, well, that's just some birthday or something. Like, who cares? Just making shit up.

Well, it's Charles. Right now he's the bank guy and he's just type of numbers to say whatever he wants. So. I don't think anything else in this episode matters besides we've, isn't it great to go on a journey together together? We learn what kerpapata means? We learned what, no. Kerpapata.

You're thinking of Kirk Cobain. Capitata sounds like something that would be wrong with your heart. Doctor, he has a capyter. Oh, he's heart's really bad. He's going to need, put the capa in. He's going to need the capyter. Oh, that's, because we're thinking of. Cathera.

Yeah. See? Yeah. Aren't catheter is the worst thing. I cannot imagine how much it would hurt for a penis. Have you had one? No, my dad had to have one for a while when he was really on my own. Yeah.

I just remember him explaining it. And I was like, just don't tell me about it. that's fine. Yeah. I'd rather piss myself. Yeah. And I actually, we're all friends here. If anything happens to us and we're on the road of it.

And they go, oh, we're going to have to put a catheter in you. Well, it's actually not that crazy because I broke my foot and Charles and Lilly had to take me to hospital. We have to advocate for one another quite often. Yeah. More than we probably should have. Yeah. More than we should trust each other also. I know a lot about everyone here.

Yeah. Which I love, but I'm just saying. I'll go pay for the taxi here in Jakarta. I'll take care of it. Tony, you clean that blood up. I fell over. Yeah. We know our roles.

If we're in a position where like, something's gone aw, something's gone aw, it's not good. We're going to need to put a catheter in him. Just let me go. Charles, what would you like us to do in a catheter-based situation? Maybe just call my mum. What is your mum going to know about what you want in a catheter?

I don't know. Hi, Katie. She's not going to know. Good question about your son's dick. Hey, Katie. My mom is really adventurous. the kitchen because that's where we find it sounds dead oh she's just like my emergency contact she knows everything but if okay we're on the side of the road in fucking london all the phones are

dead yeah i can't call your emergency contact yeah we can't I have to make a decision as your power of eternity power of penity power of catheterie would you like a catheter or not get the catheter and stick it in my fucking eyeball I'll do it for you charge okay Thank you. I'll do catheter. I can do yours as well. You shove it in? Yeah.

Did I not do that my name's not Tony? It's Kath. Cathera. Kath E. Catherder and Kim. Can you please go on Facebook, Charles, and type in Kath space E space D-A-R. And if that's someone's name,

I'm going to shit. Hopefully the natural way. You probably will anyway. A catheter doesn't do poos, just wee-weease. Yeah. No one's. I think I would rather do the bedpans.

though. I know that there's not always an option. It's hard to do. I do think though with a Fanny Koonj, a catheter isn't as painful because it like can go I mean it's not ideal but I think it's not as bad

because yeah my mum had a catheter for a long time. Yeah, it's pretty unhelpful. Yeah. So USA. Yeah. Oh, that's surprising. I didn't think they were sweary. Most F bombs per capita,

according to the study, more swearing than the UK and Australia combined. Now the study does say they're not as creative with their swearing, but it's just sheer volume. Wow. They just swear all the motherfucking time. Good on those fucking bitches.

Charles, how long are we going on for today? Yeah, what's going on? About 40 minutes. Yeah, okay, I think we're done. Oh, fucking hell. About 30, 5 of them are still or no deal. Yeah. I've got a great you love to say, yeah.

Please. And this is from Tapa Josh. Tapa Josh Hunter, I hardly know her. Since hitting champion TARPA status, my Patreon experience has been a total whirlwind. Um, so Josh became a champion tarpa and in our Patreon, um, there is a champion tarpa group chart. So all of the champion tarppers can talk with each other. You can pop photos in there. They send like links and talk about what movies they're watching and show each other their pets and stuff like that, not a euphemism.

Um, but they'll probably today be chatting about whether or not that Charles should get a catheter. Um, Josh says, but the absolute you love to see it highlight has been meeting my four new besties. Hell yeah Hugo, Sarah and Charles and Annie who was our first travelling topic coming to Fiji with us

so Josh Hugo, Hugo, Sarah, Charles and Annie they're all become best friends what started as a single post a month ago has turned into our own

little corner of the world we've clocked over 1,500 replies checking in, swapping music, trauma dumping about life from Portugal to the Netherlands

to right here in the US I found my people fuck yeah Isn't trauma dumping the best way to bring people together? It's like when you work somewhere like hell fucked and then you become friends because you're like... That's why we're such good friends. Yes.

Yeah. It actually is. Yeah. A huge shout out to these four for being incredible humans and a massive shout out to Tony Ryan and all the tarpers for building a space that makes it happen. But yeah, I love that people are making friends. That's so beautiful.

There's been a lot of people that have bought tickets for the Hens Night as well that are like, I'm coming alone. but I'm sitting in Roe B and people be like I'm in B as well like I'll see you there it's just so lovely

If you turn up to the Hens party alone You're walking away with at least one friend I was gonna say A lot of friends At least one So true A lot is still at least one She gets it

A lot has to start with one Can't be a lot Without a single Look A group is just lots of ones Two is just two ones Yep Or one, two

We're getting maths, we're getting there I get it Per Papata From that very beautiful You love to see it I've got a video of a swan If it's fucking Dillon I got a video of a swan

Can we pop that up on the screenchars? How beautiful! The black swan is from WA See this? See this? It's in the UK Oh, he's probably swearing No, so the swan is lost

and he doesn't know where the river is. So this guy is like helping him back to that he can find the water because he was a bit lost in the city. And see how he's kind of helping him down there? That is so beautiful. And he's in a really nice suit. And he goes,

it doesn't matter that I'm going to be out in the rain and chasing this smelly old goose. I'm going to make sure, it's not Tony, by the way. And then I'm going to take him to, and so, come on a little fella. That is so beautiful. Come on a little fella.

Let's get you back in that water where your friends are. Don't you love to see that? I'll pick him up and throw him in. Do you reckon you'll throw it over the fence? No, I don't. Off the bridge? But can I just say what this video's reminding me up? You know?

This is such a beautiful story. Like, genuinely beautiful. Helping back to the water. Do you remember that shit posting on LinkedIn? I was like, I was on my way to a job interview. And I helped a lost dog. And then I get to the interview.

And the dog was to see you on. The swan is the head of HR Of the biggest consulting firm in London The swan is the head of Cleminger, BBDO Where that guy is going for a fucking interview That swan is Rory Sunderland That swan is Grant Denia And he's going to get to go on deal or no deal

Swan or no swan as they call it Oh, he's back in the water The swan's in the water Good on you fella Oh he's got a The swan's got a friend in the water Oh, look at the other swans. Because it started as one swan.

And now there many. And from all the ponds on earth, we can't swam. That's good. We share out streams. Streams. And sing with one voice. That was still a one voice. That is still the same.

I am you are. We are swan-stralian. If anyone's been on no deal or no, thank you, Tony. If anyone's been on deal or no deal. Tell us whether you knew what the show was before you went on it. Tell us about the experience. Now that you know what it is,

I reckon you'd still be great. No, I think it's still stupid. Yeah, but you can think it's stupid and still have a great time there. But you don't have to know anything to go on it. Like, that's why I like the chase because you've earned it because it's trivia. You know, you've got to play, it's a maths game. It's a game of chance and risk. But you're just picking a, like, you don't need to know anything.

Well, it's not a game of knowing. It's a game of risk and chance. Yeah, but that's why I'm like, oh, I don't like that. I don't like leaving things up to chance. I like to control them. So on the chase, I'd be able to know that I was going to... Do you know what? I'm going to make a promise right here and right now.

If I ever get on the chase, I promise I will take the top offer. Thank you, Charles. That seems like a risk and a chance. No one ever does. No, but I can control the risk. It's an educated risk. you're actually describing deal or no deal right now. But that can't be an educated risk really because it's just...

There's numbers in front of you. You know what's come and gone? You know the chances of what's coming next. Yeah, I guess you are given more information at each turn. I think that my strategy, if I went on deal or no deal, would just be to pick the case with the 200 grand in it. Right? I'll pick the case of the 200 grand in it.

And then I'll just go to the end and I won't take any offers. Yeah. I don't think I was like, oh my God. So the problem is that they're like, oh my God, I've just been offered a bank deal of 30,000. What if my case has 50 cents in it? Oh my God. I get it.

No, I actually get it now. That is scary. Because you're like taking a chance that you've got more. Yeah, so you kind of like, do I take the deal or do I say no deal? It's a good show. I don't think it needs to be an hour. No, that is. Half an hour is fine.

It's only 21 minutes without the ads. 21 minutes without the ads. Because they've uploaded it to YouTube. Fucking put that on and then put an episode of the Simpsons on and then roll to the news like they used to. They don't do it like they used to. They don't do it like they used to. You're very right.

How do you feel? I've learned a lot today. Have a great time. So Dill and her deal's actually on from 630 till 7. Used to be on from 5 to 6. No, but Channel 10, they do their news at 5. They were all fucked up, yeah. Because it used to be the news at 5 and then at 6, The Simpsons would be on.

Yeah. And then an episode of Seinfeld. And the project, ruined that for 15 years. RIP. RIP. Anyway, we'll be back to me. Do we have to do tomorrow? Nah.

I reckon we fucking call it a week. Yeah, I'm done for work. I think I'm over it. I don't think anyone needs to know how stupid I am anymore. I think I've got to calm down. I think I need to take a leave of absence. Yeah? Yeah.

I'm bleeding through my bandaid. That's not a nice feeling. That's, look at that. That's gross. When I strained my calf playing pickleball, my daughter put a bandaid on it. It's an internal injury.

What did you say when I told you that? She was an idiot. Because it was an internal injury. Not wrong. And then you said, well, it was probably more the fact that I had to rip the bandaid off. Not a metaphor, genuinely had to rip it off.

Hey, sometimes you've got to rip the band out. We're doing a lot of doctors and nurses and patients at home at the moment. And I have learned that anywhere that is the, when she goes, oh, so where's the sore bit? Like, what's wrong today? Yeah. Always choose a non-haired part of your body. That'd be half for you.

So I've got, um, I've had a lot of, uh, just forearm injury. Yeah. Or just the forehead just here. Forearm or forehead. Yeah. Or foreskin. Yeah. The places.

I'd be like, Oh, my toes are bit sore so it get free wax. It would, though. Yeah, little toe wax. What's that let it go? Frozen. We've got frozen band. What's that let it go?

We've got frozen themed band-aids. Love it. And I was like, oh, they're fun and kids. You know, it's a bit fun and silly and kind of. Well, it's, I guess, easier than to say to the killer, oh, do you want to Elsa Band-Aid? Yeah. You know, yeah, I get it.

But for some reason, those ones rip five times as fucking hard as the regular ones. You're like, oh, that's a big cute. Yeah, good luck getting that off, Pops. See who's cute now. Yeah. Pops. Yeah.

Pops. Yeah. Yep. No deal to me ever saying that again. See you tomorrow. Probably not. Let's say, you need the weekend. I'm going to go sit in the massage chair and masturbate.

All right, let's go. Love you. Bye. Maybe see you tomorrow. I don't think so. I don't think so. Very slim chance.