Toni and Ryan - Dirty Dishwasher

Episode Date: October 5, 2022

Have you ever walked in on someone doin' the deed? Or maybe someone walked in on you?! Tell us ya story in today's episode thread in Facebook. ALSO - we're OFF TO HAWAAIIIIIII! Love ya xxx Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the podcast. Skype is connected. This is Tony and Ryan. We're calling Zach, who's in Vegas. Oh, party boy. Holy shit. Holy shit. Is that Zach?

It is. Oh, my God. Hi, Zach. It's Tony and Ryan. Obviously, you already know that. Well, I had a hunch. Had a hunch. So will you approve this podcast?

Well, it'd be fucking weird if I did, wouldn't it be? Yeah. Is that a yes? Yeah, I guess I'll approve. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, this is Zach from Las Vegas, Nevada, and I approve this podcast. Yeah. This is Zach from Las Vegas, Nevada, and I approve this podcast. Welcome to the podcast.

We have not been cancelled. Well, we don't know that at the time of recording. Yeah, because we pre-record, so. This is not live. Who knows? This is not live. Who knows? This is not live. Nothing fucked off people more about the Sex and the City TV show. Because Carrie Bradshaw is a podcaster now.

Oh, in And Just Like That, the new show. Yeah, the TV. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or whatever the new thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's a podcaster now. Oh. And someone calls the show and goes, Oh, I just heard you say this a few minutes ago. I just wanted to give you my thoughts.

And someone just tweeted, like, does the writer not know what a podcast is? I'd wait till they hear about radio. Well, I think they've gone, oh, yeah, radio podcast. Cool, cool, cool, cool. And then so, and it made it through to the show and people are like, that's not how podcasts work, mate. Did they come out and apologize or say like, hey, yeah, that's us? Sarah Michelle Gallagher. What's her name?

Sarah Jessica Parker. Sarah Jessica Parker apologizes for no one. Oh, not that they'd need to, but surely they'd be like, what a gaffe. Like, oops. Oops. No, they don't apologize for anything. Yeah, right. Do you want to know a nerdy fact?

Always. Podcast. Because I'm not allowed to say facts on this show, so I'm glad to hear that. Oh, no, I don't want to say it now because it's not that good. Podcast, P-O-D, stands for playable on demand. Oh. That's what the pod is. Oh, I thought it was like iPod.

Oh, that would be the same. Is it the same? Yeah, I mean, probably is. Playable on demand because of the eye and the internet and the fucking whatever. Yeah, well, the eye was just Apple, isn't it? Yeah, it's just cool. 2.0, bro. But so the whole point of the podcast is you play and listen when it suits you.

Yeah, which is why we do this. Yeah. You can hit play and stop whenever you want. Yeah. You probably hit and stop more than you hit and play. Let's be honest. Let's be honest. Hey, let's do normal or nah.

No explanation needed apparently. This is from Brooke Webster. Hi, Brooke. Normal or nah, turning the toilet paper around to what you perceive is the right way no matter where you are and whose house you're in. I'm going to say nah. Same. I don't know why this has become such a hot button issue on the internet.

Like, oh, the right way for the toilet paper. And I know that I probably come across as someone that has a really strong opinion on which way the toilet paper goes. I actually couldn't give a fuck. Someone asked me and I was like, I couldn't even answer the question because I care that little. I wouldn't even know what I've done for the last 35 years because it's just so irrelevant. It's just there. Who gives a fuck? But the fact that if someone's strongly one way or the other,

could you imagine if you were one way and I was the other way? Yep. And then you came around to my house and just like changed it because that's the right way. Yeah, that's rude. Is it rude or is it like a power play? Well, imagine if- All power plays have an aspect of rudeness to them. Oh, I like that. I think that's true because imagine if I walked into your house and I went, oh, I hate that chair, and I moved it. Yeah, what a bitch.

Or imagine if I was like, oh, I like to sit in the sun, so I pulled a chair outside. Like, that's not- Yeah, you respect someone else's property in their house. Even if the chair's fucked, it's your fucked chair. Yeah, like I don't care. You've never sat in the Papa Sun at my house. I have actually, and it took me about 15 minutes to get out.

I was like a fucking turtle on my back. Yeah, and are you going to go on the record and say that you don't love the chair? I don't. And your lad's not liking it. I don't love the Papa Sun, but it's cozy when you're in it. It's just the, like, getting in and getting out because it's not attached. Yeah. So it makes me anxious that I'm going to, like, tip over.

Torb's nearly fell off through the hall of thorn when he sat on it. Yeah. But I think because you're a normal fucking person, you can go, hey, I don't fucking live for that chair, but this is your house. You do you, bro. But even less. I just don't have to say anything. Sit on the couch.

There's heaps of other seats. And also, when you go to someone's house, right, how many times do you use the toilet? Like say you're there for dinner, right? You might use the toilet, what, two or three times max. Absolute max. Max. I'm talking about you.

Oh, okay. Two or three. Yeah. Like can you not just pull the toilet paper from the other side for one or two or three times? Yeah. Yeah, I'm with you. Like, I just don't understand why people get so up in arms about this.

And again, I appreciate that I do seem like someone that would have a strong opinion either way, but I couldn't even tell you what way it is at our house. Yeah. Yeah. About the Papa-san. that would have a strong opinion either way. But I couldn't even tell you what way it is at our house. Yeah, yeah. About the Papa Son. Do people know what a Papa Son is? I'll put a photo of it in the Facebook group because this is what you said about it. Yeah.

I'm moving into Beyonce's Airbnb in a few weeks and Tony goes, oh, so what stuff are you going to take? What are you not going to take? You know, regular kind of boring house. Yeah, because I'm like, oh, how much of a move do you going to take? What are you not going to take? You know, regular kind of boring house. Yeah, because I'm like, oh, how much of a move do you have to do? And then you go, oh, and you're not going to take the popper, son. Yeah, I did say that. And I went.

Because you said, oh, I don't think we'll take that couch. I think we'll sell that couch and buy a new one that's a bit bigger, fits the space a bit better or whatever. And I was like, oh, well, that'll be getting the flick, surely. Yeah, and I went, no, we're actually going to take it. And you went, yeah, yeah, I like it. I went, great. And you said, I think I'll put it in the office.

And I was like, awesome. So you can sit on it when you come over for work. Great. It's like when. It's okay when you get. It's like a beanbag. Yeah. When you get in and you're comfy, it's great.

It's just the getting in and the getting out. That is a bit of a, like, OH&S issue for me. Yeah. Oh, and everyone. People are fucking eating so much shit trying to get out, that is a bit of a, like, OH&S issue for me. Yeah. Oh, and everyone. People are fucking eating so much shit trying to get out of that. Yeah. We're going to get it reupholstered because we need to pull it tight. The colour's a bit of shit.

The colour's the problem with the puffs on. But it reminded me of, you know, that classic cliche when your friend breaks up with someone and you go, oh, he was a fucking asshole anyway, then they get back together and you're like, oh, yeah, yeah. He's such a great guy. Yeah, there was definitely heavy backtrack. He was a fucking asshole anyway. Then they get back together and you're like, yeah, yeah. He's such a great guy. Yeah, there was definitely heavy backtrack. He was, yeah. Yeah, I literally almost broke my fucking neck with the backflip I had to do.

Luckily I'd been stretching that morning because the backflip. I had to get a new set of tyres, the smoke coming off that U-turn. Whee! I love that thing. Hey, normal or nah? This is fine. Papa Sans. Normal or nah? Papa sans. Normal or nah?

Papa sans. Normal. This is from Olivia. Hi, Olivia. This is fucked. Normal or nah? Adding dirty dishes to a clean, fully stacked dishwasher and running it again simply to avoid emptying the dishwasher.

Tony. Guilty. I'm not going to say normal, but I'm not saying nah. I may have played dumb once or twice. Played dumb. And played in and then hit go and Tom's like, oh, that's okay. I'm like, oh, no. Oh, no.

But no, I don't. I'm not the dishwasher stacker at our house. Are you the anything at your house? Yeah. I provide comic relief in the house. So I'd say I'm the entertainer of the house. I sing a lot. I make jokes a lot. I'm the entertainer of the house. I sing a lot. I make jokes a lot.

I'm going to put it out there. I rap a lot. I'm pretty useless, but I reckon I do more around my house than you do around your house. No, I don't think that's true. I don't think that's fair. I do lots of stuff. I do all the admin stuff. You hate admin. No, I's fair. I do lots of stuff. I do all the admin stuff.

You hate admin. No, I know, but I do all of that. So if someone has to be called, if someone has to be organised or whatever, all of Pippa's stuff, I do everything like that normally. Like the ordering and the bills? Yeah. Yeah. I organise all the bills and I do all that shit.

I pay the rent each month and that kind of stuff. And like when I'm like a- Like logistically or like a sugar mama? Like a sugar mama. My bills are paid. And like Torbs will do like the cleaning. But when things like- And the cooking.

Yeah, and he cooks. But like, oh, actually, no, we both clean. But I'm big on decluttering. So he'll like tidy things up and clean things, but I'll go, oh, there's like a million things in that area we need to like declutter. So I'll like, I'm good at keeping the volume of things in the house down.

You are the Marie Kondo. But he'll do like, he does all like the day-to-day stuff. And he's a Jamie Oliver. Yeah. So like after dinner he'll'll do the dishwasher and stuff, but I'll go and organise Pippa's shit or, you know. Yeah. I feel like I do.

I help. And comedic relief is important. I don't want people to think I don't do it. Do you actually think I don't do anything? No. I'm not saying you don't do anything. I just feel like Torbbs does a great job. But you just said, oh, you definitely do less than me.

But it's not like it's not as if I'm like laying on the couch and Torbs is like doing stuff and I'm like keep working, idiot, or anything like that. It's just like we just do our own like we have our own parts to play. And someone has to watch that TV. Heaven forbid it got stolen. I'm watching the TV. I'm keeping an eye on it.

That's going to be my new thing to say. I'm keeping an eye on the TV. I help. I know. I know. I know. You pay the bills, mate. But I do, like, annoying things like clean out the fridge on the weekend.

That's a fuck job. Yeah, good. You know, or, like, if Torb's, like, does all the up top stuff, I'll, like, vacuum and mop on the weekend. You know, I do that stuff. I do help. You do help. So the dishwasher.

Normal or nah? Borrowing someone else's nail clippers. Caitlin Lucy says it's an absolute fucking nah from me. I actually don't think that's that bad. Is that normal?

Bit of a backstory from Caitlin. Oh, okay. I went and stayed with some friends who had recently moved and they were letting me stay at their house for free. They had like this mini little yoga retreat thing going on. Oh, my God. And Caitlin was like, you know, between parts of her life and like, hey, mate, you just come and crash with us. It's all good.

We'll take care of you. And I thought that's so nice. So a few hours after I got. What a great friend to have. What a great friend. Why don't you have a yoga retreat that I can borrow when I'm feeling stressed? Am I not a good friend? I'm sorry.

I'll get a yoga retreat for you. So they just moved into the yoga retreat. So they're still in that kind of like setting it up, getting it ready, all pretty phase. And a few hours after I got there, says Caitlin, one of them goes, oh, do you have any nail clippers? Because, you know, we've moved in and stuff falls through the cracks and we don't know where it is or whatever. And it's one of those small annoying things where, like,

if you don't know where it is at all times, you'll never find it. So you buy another one. And then all of a sudden one day you're like, why do we have five? Yeah, there's a whole fucking bag full of these now. Or when you go, oh, where should I put this? I'll put it over there. And then you put it there and you go, oh, there's the other tent. What a great spot to keep it.

Being like Tony Lodge, says Caitlin, I'm always prepared. And very handy around the house. She goes, I'm actually very good at cleaning and I don't whip my boyfriend. Unless we ask. Sorry that I don't whip my boyfriend. Unless he asks. Sorry that we don't do that. Thanks for clarifying that. So I have a pair of like travel nail clippers in my like toiletry bag. Of course you do.

At first I thought they meant for their hands. So I went and got them and gave them to him. And then she starts using them on her feet. And I said, said mate you can fucking keep those they are yours now i would never like to see them again they were actually a gift from a friend who got them in hawaii and i have to give them up because there's no fucking way i want someone else's toe jam coming home with me and my clippers i have a different question i'm gonna say the scene for you

I'm going on a holiday Right? Yeah I'm going to Hawaii Where's the first place you go? Beautiful time of year Beautiful time of year to go to Hawaii Yeah

Oh While I'm here I'll go down to the souvenir shop I'll get Ryan something he's going to love. And I go down there and I see coffee mugs that say, I love Hawaii. Great. And a T-shirt that says, running late to a luau. Yeah.

Right? Or a Hawaiian shirt. A Hawaiian shirt. From its natural place of birth. Beautiful, beautiful. And then. A shell from the beach. Hang on, what's that over there?

Something glinting in my eyes from over on the right-hand side on the shelf. And I go, that's it. Okay, Ryan. Summoning our male nail clippers from Hawaii. He'll never forget this. He's going to love it. It's a bit more than I wanted to spend, but he's worth it.

I know if there's anything I know about Ryan is how much he loves clipping his nails. Every time I clip my nails, I'll think of Tony. I'll be like, fuck, she does know me. You know, and that's like... When you go on holiday and it's like... Like, my niece went to Hawaii and all I got was this lousy t-shirt. The nail clippers say...

My co-worker went to Hawaii and all I got were these lousy t-shirt. The nail clippers say, my co-worker went to Hawaii and all I got were these lousy nail clippers. Sorry. You're crying. I'm going to piss myself. I'm sorry. It's the funniest thing. I'm sorry. That is the funniest thing. I'm an animal.

Oh, my God. I'm actually about to pee myself. I feel sick. I'm laughing so hard. How is... Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Caitlin, I'm sorry that you had to sacrifice your favourite commemorative nail clippers from Hawaii.

Well, I'm sorry to the friend that got them for you. Yeah. Think what she's been through and then she finds out. She's going to have to go all the way fucking back. Hope she's got a paddle board. Fucking Hawaii's not close. Sorry, I just can't imagine feeling emotionally attached to Nile Clippers in that way. I can only imagine how traumatic that was for you.

Pop them in some boiling water. She'd be right. Fill up a glass with boiling water. Pop the commemorative Hawaiian N nail clippers in there. Can I go one step further with the gift shop? Yeah. You know, you've got your T-shirts, your shot glasses, your nail clippers.

I don't think anything from a gift shop is worth buying. I don't get gifts. Oh, gifts on a holiday is the biggest fucking scam. It's a roar. It is disgusting. You go to the Australian gift shop, you look in there and you go, I've never seen any of this shit. Yeah.

It's because people buy it and then take it home and wear it elsewhere. Got to put my Foster shirt on. You can't buy Fosters in Australia. And then you go, oh, classic. Nothing says Australia. I like that fucking store. Cuddly koala tweet. The margin on that, they're probably making them for 30 cents

and selling them for 50 bucks at the airport. Nothing says Australia like an airport ripping you off. Oh, my God. Would you like a bottle of water? Oh, that'll be $63. Now I am in Australia. I'm getting fucked over for liquids. Yeah.

Do you reckon there's like, you know how they have like foot fetishes or a thing? Yeah. Do you reckon there's like a niche within a niche of people who are like, clip your nails for me? Oh, my God. That's why she was upset about the thing. It's her income. Yeah, she was using the Hawaiian clippers as like a selling point in her photos.

She's showing that off. She didn't just lose toe clippers. She lost selling point in her photos. She's showing that off. She didn't just lose toe clippers. She lost a revenue stream that day. Look, if anyone's in Hawaii at the moment. Get me some fucking toe clippers. Can you please buy some nail clippers and we'll get them to Caitlin? Caitlin, no, get three and we'll have a pair each as well. Yeah, we'd love a pair each of commemorative nail clippers.

Who's in Hawaii? Yeah, if anyone's in Hawaii. And it shouldn't be hard for you to track down. Apparently it's pretty fucking common. Yeah. If anyone's in Hawaii or going to Hawaii soon, message us. And we'll fuck. Caitlin, don't use stress, my love.

We've got you covered. We will fucking get you some commemorative Hawaiian nail clippers. Can you just Google it right? I can you some commemorative Hawaiian nail clippers. Can you just Google it right? I can't wait. Google Hawaiian nail clippers. Are we about to find out that it's like a brand or like what came up? Okay. What's happened?

Okay. So this is the photo that comes up and it is exactly what I imagined. The nail clippers and they have like a big base and that has got like Hawaii and the picture of a sunset. I do have one qualm with this one, which I'll explain to you right now. Yeah, please. You see this picture of a nail clipper? Yeah.

What's it attached to? Attached to a key ring. Oh, I've got to drive down to Mornington. Oh, my God. Well, I'm stopped at the light. Keep the key in the ignition. Thank God. I'm going to flip-flop.

Just throw a foot up on the dash and trim my cuticles while I'm parked behind this fucking Ford Falcon. Fuck, if you're on Hawaiian time, mate, must be nice. Hey, this is Zach from fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada, and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. Tomorrow on the show, you know when kids say some pretty fucked things, they don't know it's fucked?

Yeah. They think they're being funny or they're just a casual mention and you go, oh, my God. Kids are like sponges. They pick everything up. So tomorrow on the vodcast, which you can watch as well as listen to, you can hear that. And across the bottom of the screen on the vodcast,

everyone who's a tarper at any level, so we've got tarpers, exclusive tarpers, champion tarpers, any level, their names along the bottom of the screen, and that's our way of thanking the tarpers for making it possible. And if you haven't seen your name yet, the amount of names that are on there, it will actually take like six or seven hours to get through everybody. I know.

I think we sped it up because there's been a lot of chat off air. I was like, that's not enough. So we made the text smaller and made it faster. But it's still like every three and a half episodes. Yeah, so it'll take a while to kind of see a name tick around, but it's on there. But a big thank you to a few of the people that have hopefully seen their name.

Celeste LeBlanc, thank you so much. Teresa Farrell, Rebecca, Alison Becker. Oh, Rebecca and Alison Becker, do you reckon they know each other? Sean Atkinson, Clarissa Johnson, Christy Briner. Oh, Briner. Hardly know her. Tyler Wood, Kitley Bolger, and Ricky Pendley. Thank you so much.

He's all worked up. I think he's got a Briner. What? Don't worry about it. What did you say? No. No. Sorry, I was distracted.

I was using my Hawaiian nail papers. Your nails do look good though. Oh, thanks. Yeah, don't they? My nail polish is actually really chipped at the moment. I'll go to Honolulu. I'll take care of that. Yeah.

Helicopter. No, they don't do it. They just give you the equipment to do it. Oh. Yeah. Boy, is my face red. Yeah. Egg on your face.

Yeah. I want to know if you listening and you, Ryan, well, we know what happened to you, have ever been walked in on or walked in on somebody else's sexy time. I've been doing the hippity-dippity. We love an awkward sexy story on this podcast. Ryan, you mentioned that it happened with you, that you were fingering that girl Megan with your penis.

Yeah. And your mate walked in for a DNM. It was dark. You felt like you couldn't say anything. About 30 minutes he was in there and you were. Dave Leland's having a chinwag. He ended up sleeping on the floor. And after about 10 seconds I was like, well,

too much time has elapsed for me to mention. Say anything. Yeah. I mean, I wish I did. And then the next morning you woke up and he was like, oh. Oh. Was that? Yeah.

Oh, shit, that's when she first woke up. Yep. And then kind of, you know. So it reminded me of this one night ages ago, like a few years ago. Torbs and I had a couple of friends over and they're like another couple. So we had dinner and I think we like opened a bottle of wine. Lovely. And, you know, like kind of they'd come over for dinner

and it turned into like a big night and we were dancing and singing and fucking around or whatever. Is it usually that next, like once you've finished the main meal and someone goes, oh, should we have another drink? That's that tipping point. It's the turning point of the night. Right, yeah. 100%.

Because that's when you can go, oh, that was great, Tony. Thanks so much for having us over. Yes. Or you can go, did you guys want another drink? If we open a bottle, will you have a glass as well? Yeah. And then you go, oh, are we fucking on here? Or if you move from like a red wine or something to like a cocktail.

Yeah. If you go, oh, did you guys want like an espresso martini or something? That's when that kind of. Would you even say moving from the table back to the couch? Oh, yes. And you go, oh, are we settling in? Unless you've got one of those beautiful big dining tables. That's like a life goal of mine.

Have a big dining table so you can sit at all night and just. Yeah, and just like you've got a real comfy dining chair, everyone, you know, and you're like maybe playing cards or something. Oh, yeah. Like that kind of, I love that. Like that's because I used to do that with my mum and sisters a lot. Nice, yeah. Like we would sit outside and play cards all night and my mum would be having a coffee

and my sisters would be fucking, I don't know, having a vodka cruiser or something. Yeah, yeah. And we'd be sitting outside and we'd all be in blankets and we'd be like playing cards. It was the best. So this night the tipping point had tipped. It had tipped and so had the bottle. And so had Tony Lodge. And anyway, so we kind of, they'd like driven over because we were just going to have dinner.

And I was like, you know what, why don't you guys, like we're having fun. Don't fucking worry about it. Just stay over. Yeah. And this was at our old house. And so we were just in a two bedroom apartment. Yeah. And basically like the kitchen kind of was on one wall and the lounge room was like kind of like almost in the kitchen because it was, you know, like that layout.

And so the couch was like what separated the lounge room from the kitchen. It wasn't like a separate room. And we didn't have a spare room set up. Like our spare room is our office and like studio area. In COVID, everyone needs a, that's your workspace. Well, yeah, exactly. But so we didn't have a spare room. So I was like, you guys, like, if you don't mind sleeping

on the couch, you're fucking more than welcome. Yep. And they go, oh, yeah, like, let's do that. Anyway, we keep drinking. We get fucking real silly and, you know, everyone's having a great time. It's like, you know, one of those nights. Great night.

And we made up the couch for them and, you know, like we're all stumbling around Slur and like going like, oh, do you guys need another pillow? We'll just grab one off our bed. You know, like kind of like makeshift bed. And I jumped in the shower because I like can't go to bed without having a shower. Really?

No. So I jumped in the shower and Torbs is like cleaning up and they're like making up their bed or whatever. And I hopped into bed and shut the door. And then like all of a sudden, probably, I mean, 10 minutes later, I hear this like horrendous noise. And because I'm drunk, I'm like, what the fuck's that? What's going on?

What the fuck's that? Isn't it? Is there someone on the roof? By the way, Tony's on level four of a 10 story building. Someone's on the roof of the building. Someone's coming in. There's like 16 locked doors before you get to our house. And I realised, like, and I realised it was the dishwasher.

They make a fucking racket. Oh, my. And it was one of those drawer ones. So it's, like, not very well sealed. If you think I cause a scene sneezing. Oh, hear a fucking dishwasher. Sleep near a dishwasher. We all know how fucking loud that is.

And I heard it from our room behind our closed door. And I was like, I nudged Torbs. I was like, what the fuck, dude? You've turned the dishwasher on. They're sleeping in our kitchen. Yeah. Like, what the fuck, bro? And he was like, oh, I didn't even realise.

And I was like, they're not going to be able to sleep out there. So I, like, quickly, like, jumped up and opened the door. And I was like, guys, I'm so fucking sorry Torbs has put the dishwasher on. Like, I'll turn it off for you. It's so fucking loud. And they're like, no, it's okay. Because I'm like, fuck, they're half asleep or something. Like, no, it's okay. I was like, fuck, they're half asleep or something. Like, no, it's okay.

I was like, no, guys, honestly, it's absolutely fucked. Like, I think that if you, like, pull it open, I think it will start. But if you shut it back down, it will start again. So I'll open it, but heaps of steam is going to come out. So it's going to get a bit foggy in here, right? And they're like, honestly, it's fine. Like, it's all good. Like, oh, our house is really noisy anyway, so don't worry about it.

And I'm fucking drunk, so I'm like, okay. But then. But you're also like people, like, no, guys, it's no trouble. Yeah. I will turn it off for you. So I made it more of like a deal than it needed to be. And then, because you know when you're a bit drunk and you kind of go on a bit of like a, you kind of just like keep chatting.

And I was like, oh, my God, like, guys, wasn't this such a great night? Honestly, we had the most fun we've had in age. I'm so glad you're staying over. Oh, you know what we should do in the morning? I'll walk down the road. We'll get some bagels. We'll have some, like, how good is that going to be? And I'm like chatting to them.

And they're like, oh, yeah, sounds great. Yeah, cool. Yeah. Cool. Okay. And I'm like, all right. They're like, oh, sounds great. Yep. Yeah, cool. Yep. Cool. Okay. And I'm like, all right, guys, are you sure you don't want me to tell them? It's fine. I was like, it's so fucking loud.

They're like, it's all good. I'm like, okay, guys. All right. Love you. I'll go back to bed. So I hop back into bed. And then the next morning we're all doing the like, oh, how'd you guys sleep? Like, oh, sorry, you're on the couch. Like, oh, you guys sleep? Like, oh, sorry you're on the couch.

Like, oh, you should have slept in our bed. You know how you fucking do that dance of like whatever. And they look real sheepish. And I'm like, how did you sleep? Like, you guys look good. And they're like. And I was like, oh, you fucked on our couch. And they were like, oh, no, like, no.

And I was like, ah! And I was like, oh, that's why you didn't want me to turn off the dishwasher so that we couldn't hear anything. Guys, if you don't mind, I'd like to make it as quiet as possible so we can hear every single motion. They're like. Like, you know that like when you're being quiet, but it's still not quiet. It's still not quiet.

It's never quiet. No, you think you're being so stealthy, but it's not helping anything. In fact, I would say that the dishwasher is perfect, just that little bit of drown out the sound. Yeah, and it's kind of consistent. Like a white noise. Yeah. Anyway, so they're, like, laughing, and I'm like,

you fucked with our character. Like, oh, we haven't made a mess, I promise. And I was like, oh, I'm not fucking sitting over there. You know, like we had a good laugh about it. It was like really funny. And now whenever we like talk to them or whenever I'm like, oh, my God, can you hear that? That's our dishwasher.

And then I go, oh, oh. But I'm like standing there talking to them about the dishwasher for ages. You Dave DeLayland them. Yes. So when you tell that story, I was like, how embarrassing. I was like, I've fucking done that. How long do you reckon you spoke there for? Probably like five minutes.

So not as long as your mate. But that's a long time though. But it is a long time to have your penis inside someone. And not move. Without not moving, yeah. And just be like, I don't want to use the word soaking. Yeah. But we still talk about it now. It's like. Without moving, yeah. And just be like, I don't want to use the word soaking. Yeah. But we still talk about it now.

It's like so funny. But yeah. Was the next night you were like, oh, something sounds wrong with the dish. What's wrong with it? It must have fixed that squeak from last night. Yeah, that's what I mean. Yeah. Oh, the dishwasher's noisy.

Oh. Far out. Things you love to see. This is from a different Caitlin. I find that hard to believe. Who is a classroom teacher. Yep. Classroom teacher.

Just teacher? Yeah. Yep. Yep. And she left and it's like she's got like first graders, like real little. Oh, cute. Yeah. And she left and it's like she's got first graders, like real little. Oh, cute. Yeah.

And one of them said to like down the hallway after class, she goes, oh, miss, you forgot something. Yeah. And she's like, oh, God. So she goes back. She goes, oh, what did I forget? And then the kid hugged her. And she was like, oh, thanks.

That's so lovely. That's so sweet. And then he just goes, there you go. And then he went back into the room. That is so sweet. Torbs and I do that to each other. What do you mean? Like, if he's like in the kitchen and I'm on the couch, I'm like, oh, fuck.

I forgot to tell you. And he'll go, what? And I'll go, love you. That is cute. Yeah. So it's like a little love you fake out. I love a fake out. Yeah.

Especially when they get a little bit concerned. Yeah, because he goes, oh, what? Like, he's like, oh, do we have to remember to do something or whatever? I'm like, no, I love you. And now it's like a competition. I'll be like, oh, did I tell you that thing? And he goes, love you. And now it's like a competition.

I'm like, oh, did I tell you that thing? And he goes, love it. One of my things is to say like, oh, did I tell you about the bad news? And she's like, oh, my God, what happened? I was like, yeah, the bad news is I just love you so much. I'm going to cuddle you and it'll be really annoying. And then I just jump right on the couch. She's like, get the fuck off me.

For some reason, that has made me feel a bit sick. Why? I just, like... Oh, Tony, I've actually got some bad news for you. What? I love working with you so much, I'm going to have to... Cuddle me on the couch. Get away from me! Oh, isn't this nice? Oh my God, that's actually so sweet.

This is what it feels like talking to your microphone. Stop, no, don't. Sorry. You made that up. You were fingering me with your penis. Everyone's walked in. For those playing along at home, can you just explain what the fuck you did when I walked over there?

You hugged me. Yeah, but what did you do? You hugged me, it was so nice. What did you do? I embraced you warmly. Yeah. With my mouth. Are we going to try and explain what you just tried to do? I just gestured to suck your penis.

As I leaned in for a hug, she leaned down and I dick-buted your forehead. Yeah. Best day of my life. Thank fucking Christ we don't have HR. Oh my God. Can you actually imagine if we did?

No, I don't. No. Anyway. Lovey. What did you love to see? Well, my love to see it that so many people have shared with me and I'm very excited about. Frank Green. Yes. Have obviously heard that I got a dog. Obviously, that's why they make their decisions.

And they have announced a pet range. Now, this is like not sponsored. What's in a pet range? This is not sponsored. This isn't like they've asked us to talk about this or anything, obviously, because they don't know who the fuck we are. We've paid them a fortune. Yeah, we have.

anything, obviously, because they don't know who the fuck we are. We've paid them a fortune. Yeah, we have. So they've got, like, leads and collars and dog bowls, and they've got this really sick thing. And so it's, like, my water bottle, and they've released this, like, silicon cup that fits on the bottom of your water bottle. So while you're out for a walk, you could, like.

Take your joint and top them up. And just, like, take the cup off. Yeah. Pop it on the ground and like tip some water into it. That's a great idea. And then you can like snugly put it back on when afterwards. That's genius. Isn't that such a good idea?

Because the back of our car is like old ice cream containers. In case you've got... Yeah. Or takeaway Thai food that we've cleaned out the container and then we use it in the park to fill it with water. Yeah. And now I can be Frank Greeny. Yeah.

At all times. But you'll have to see that. You'll have to see that. So my next paycheck probably going to fund some Frank Greeny. You go, Frank. You go that way, mate. Yeah. So, please.

Yeah, anyone's in Hawaii? Let us know. Heading there soon? You there at the moment? Oh, yeah, we'll send you the money for the Clippers. Yeah. We're not paying for your fucking holiday. Absolutely fucking not. Hey, how much does it cost you the money for the Clippers. Yeah. We're not paying for your fucking holiday. Absolutely fucking not.

Hey, how much... We shall ask Scott Morrison. How much does it cost to go to Hawaii? That's a political joke. From Australia? Yeah. You're not going to fly to Hawaii to get a pair of Clippers. Maybe a grand, $1,500?

Would that be a tax expense? Do you reckon we could write that off the write-off people? That's a work trip. Well, imagine this. Whilst you're not wrong, because this is our job. Yep. I know. We laugh too.

Here's what I always imagine in these scenarios. Yep. Is like, what would it sound like if you were defending it in court? Well, Your Honour. Caitlin. This chick says, I've lost these fucking Hawaiian clippers. Commemorative nail clippers. So I was like, I better go find out how good they are.

Yep. Is that not business? And then the judge goes, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, I do. Is tax court a thing? Is tax government by, like, a thing called, like, the law? Is that what you're asking? Does that by like a thing called like the law? Is that what you're asking? Is that going to court?

Like Judge Judy? Yeah. Yeah, right. What if I don't stay there, don't even have a cocktail, I fly there, go to the gift shop, then go straight back to the airport? We're going to Hawaii. That's pretty funny. Can we actually go? All right, so don't message us if you're going to Hawaii. That's pretty funny. Can we actually go?

All right, so don't message us if you've gone to Hawaii. No, message us if you're there. I mean, just to know that they're there maybe. Imagine if we got there and they're like, oh, no, we stopped selling those in 1984. Oh, well, then it is a collector's item and I understand why Calvin Stubbs said it. All right, see you tomorrow from Hawaii.

Hawaii. Aloha. Bula. Oh, no, that's Fiji. That's F tomorrow. From Hawaii. Love you. Aloha. Bula. No, that's Fiji. That's Fiji. Damn it. Love you, bye.

Sayonara. Close. We.