Toni and Ryan - Don't leave Dave on hold

Episode Date: July 27, 2022

Dave leaves a bitchy review about food delivery, and I wrap up the movie 'Chicken Run'! Love ya! Toni xxxxxxx Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey, this is Pam Hippo. Hey, Pam. Pam, where are you? I mean, she'll have to answer the... Hello? Is that Pam Hippo? Oh, my God. Hello.

Yes, it is. Hi, Pam. Oh, my God. Go ahead. Oh, my God. Hi. Hi. Who did you think it was before I talked?

I've been shitting bricks all day waiting for you guys because I've been so excited. Oh, Pam, well, we're excited too. Oh, my God. How are you guys? We're so good and even better now that we're talking to you, of course. Oh, my God. Oh, God. Now, will you approve this podcast episode?

Oh, 100,000% absolutely approve. That's not how maths works, but yes. Yay, we'll take it. Hey, this is Pam from British Columbia, Canada, and I approve this podcast. Yeah. I'm from British Columbia, Canada, and I approve this podcast. Oi, it's one o'clock. Let's fucking smash through this so that you can be on the fucking couch ordering Uber Eats before that fucking footy game starts.

Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. And if you've heard that, this is the kind of direct attitude that I like from Tony. My sports team, my football team Hawthorne's about to play. And as we know, I'm now an AFL girl. So I said, hey, my Hawks are playing soon. So you heard it right there. Tony laying down the law. Let's fucking get this episode done so I can order Uber Eats,

get some hot wings. I know that that's what you're going to do. That's your thing. I'm going to watch the game. Yeah. No, you know me. Yeah, I do. We're friends.

We know each other. Yeah. Oh, no, no, no, no. All good. I'm almost there, by the way. I'm getting close. Getting close? Yeah.

Okay. Oh, you'll know when it's. I'll know. It'll be an absolute mess. We are. Oh, welcome. We are Tony and Ryan. Oh, sorry. We're it's. I'll know. It'll be an absolute mess. We are, oh, welcome. We are Tony and Ryan. Oh, sorry.

We're Tony and Ryan, the vice captain of the ship. How rude of us. Tony is the queen of the podcast here. It's true. Top dog. Hello. Now, I would say normally on this podcast, we are quite proud of Australia and patriotic. Like we like to talk up a big game.

We love the city of Melbourne. Is that fair to say? Yeah, I do love Melbourne. Very special. People are coming for Australian food. They're having a crack at us. And I've got a few examples here, Tony. You can either defend Australia or you can agree that maybe it's fucked.

This week we did talk about someone who put Vegemite on pancakes. So we're not really off to a flying start, maybe. Well, I think a few people have heard that and sent a few things through and gone, oh, hang on, if we're bringing up that, let me bring up this. Okay. All right. What have you got?

Australia is known for barbecuing. Yes. Throw a shrimp on the barbie. I mean, we don't ever say that, but, you know, you associate, well, people associate, oh, Australia, outdoor, hot, have a barbecue, mate, whatever. A beer. But are we actually any good at barbecue?

You're hot, have a barbecue, mate, whatever. A beer. But are we actually any good at barbecue? A Brazilian writes through, and that's where they're from, not their grooming choice. Us Brazilians do barbecues way better. Someone replied to their comment, Australian here who's been to Brazil several times can confirm that the barbecue in Brazil is way better than Australia.

I've never been to Brazil, but have you been to Brazilian barbecue like a restaurant? Yeah. It's fucking elite. I've also had Korean barbecue. Yep, I've had Korean barbecue. Fuck me up, that is delicious. American barbecue.

A bloke from Texas. Yep. You put a limp sausage on a gas grill. Here in Texas, we cook low and slow with coal and wood and we smoke it up and make our own barbecue sauce and smother it on a rack of ribs. And you guys just put a little dank sausage on top of a fry pan? Yeah, that is pretty much what we do.

sausage on top of a fry pan. Yeah, that is pretty much what we do. We've talked about how smoking meats is like a real Perth thing. Yeah. And how there's, you know, like a culture of, you know, people in Perth that are like, oh, yeah, fucking putting the bloody. Got up at 4am. Yeah, checked the fire, turned over the spit or fucking,

I don't know what it is. And, you know, so that's the thing. So I've grown up with, you know, smoked meats being a thing. I do really. It is lovely. I'm not patient enough to do it myself. No. So, yeah, I'm putting the dank sausage on my fucking Weber grill in my backyard.

Yep. But I do have mass respect for people that can do it. There's an amazing place called Red Gum Barbecue in Melbourne. Really? It's like out on the way out to Mornington, like on the coast. Yeah. And it is the best barbecue I've had in Australia, like American barbecue that I've had in Australia.

So fucking good. Whilst I agree with all of this, I will draw the line and say, if slow roasting meat becomes your personality, which I think we might have talked about on the very first podcast episode. Yeah, we did. Yeah. I love your barbecue. Don't make that who you are. Absolutely.

The same as liking the TV show Friends. It's not your personality. You're allowed to like it and it doesn't need to be your whole thing. I'm fucking hankering for some meat now. You're hungry, aren't you? Fucking Brazilian barbecue is so fucking good. Like, so fucking good. Oh, I just realised what my love to see it is.

Oh. It's barbecue related. Obviously. But I would like to say, though, I do like an Australian barbecue. Yeah. I like a couple of sausages, some kebabs, like the meat kebab. I love Australian barbecue, like Greek. Yeah.

Yeah, okay. All right. You like the Italian thing we do? Yeah, that's Italian. Next one. I didn't realise that other countries were different to Australia doing this. Oh.

We're the only country that charge extra for condiments. Really? Yeah. So you know how sometimes you go to a fish and chip shop or a burger place and there's that little packet and it's like, yeah, 30 cents. Yeah, tomato sauce is an absolute rort in Australia. Everywhere else it's a given, so it fucking should be,

that you just get that for free with your burger or your chips or whatever it is that you're buying. And even now if it's like on Uber Eats or whatever, if you go, oh, yeah, we'll get the sweet chilli aioli on the burger as well, you have to pay extra. They'll charge you $1.25 for a chilli aioli. I've had more than that. Who?

Name them. Yep, grilled is expensive. Grilled is expensive. Grilled is more than a dollar. Is it? Yeah, definitely. Yeah. Why are we fucking living here? I know.

Barley's tax free. Let's move to barley. Even on a kebab. I ordered a kebab the other day and it was like a- And they charge you for garlic sauce or something on top? Yes. What the fuck? What is a kebab if not for garlic sauce?

Thank you. Can I order a burger? Oh, cool. Would you like bread buns with that? Well, fucking obviously, that's what the burger is. I'm not paying extra. Oh, you're up and about. I like this.

Sorry, you've hit a fucking nerve. Yeah, obviously. So it was like one sauce was a given. Yeah. Like you could order one sauce, but if you wanted an extra one, you had to pay extra. Everyone gets multiple sauces on a kebab. And obviously, I wanted a hot.

Obviously. Oh, you. No, it was just a joke. It sounded like you were trying to say ambluence. No, it was just a joke. It sounded like you were trying to say ambluence. No, I would never do that. Obviously. Obviously. I wanted hot sauce and garlic sauce.

Great combination. Oh, what do you go for? You don't do sweet chilli, do you? No, sweet chilli's fucked. Sweet chilli sauce is fucked. You make your own sweet chilli by using the hot sauce. I also don't mind a hot sauce and a hummus. Oh.

Yeah, because it's like, you know, they can't, you know, it's like they're hot and then the hummus is like soothing. Yeah. A little bit. Yeah, I get you. Yeah. Sometimes, some people will go sour cream. I have seen that before.

And because I guess if you were doing sweet chilli sour cream and be like when you get wedges. Wedges, yeah, of course. In a pub, which is quite good. That's probably the only time I were doing sweet chilli sour cream, it'd be like when you get wedges. Wedges, yeah, of course. In a pub, which is quite good. That's probably the only time I'd have sweet chilli sauce, but I'd prefer hot sauce if it's an option. We've got a message here from France. Oh, country?

Yeah. Hey, Ryan. Yeah. Emmanuel Macron. One thing above all else France does better is their reverence for meals, like not just the food but the actual act of sitting down together to have the meal.

Oh, yeah. This flows onto a number of other things that are way better. For example, the whole country of France stops at midday for an hour or two each day to have lunch, whereas in Australia, because this person I think has moved to Australia from France, and they're like, oh, so when's the lunch break? And you know how in Australia, like, not a lot of people take a lunch break.

You kind of just grab a snack at your desk and keep working all day. Yeah. And from France, we're like, no, no. Is that not a thing everywhere? I feel really sad now. Me too. I just. Because Bridget started talking about lunch break at an old job,

and I was like, what do you mean? You just stopped working? Because, oh, you've worked with Bridget. She's very adamant about, no, it's lunch break. We stop work and I was like, what do you mean? You just stopped working? Because, oh, you've worked with Bridget. She's very adamant about, no, it's lunch break. We stop work and we move to another room and we sit for an hour and don't do work. Yeah, it's a weird one. But I didn't realise that that was an Australian thing

that we just work through lunch. Well, in France, apparently, it's like, I mean, I don't want to judge anything on Emily in Paris or whatever that awful show was because, I mean, they've touched a few nerves there. It was a good show. You fucking would love it. I love trash. So apparently, like, clock hits midday.

Mate, tools down. Take a couple of hours off every day. We're going to the cafe to sit and have a beautiful little coffee and a little snack and a French pastry to wash it all down with. And a ciggy. And smoke seven cigs. Yeah. But that's why, not the cigarettes,

but that's why, not the cigarettes, but that's why better for you eating slowly and, like, having a break and stuff. And by the time you actually go, yeah, by the time you go back to work, you're ready to work for the afternoon. Or you're ready for a nap. Yeah, see, that's the problem for me. I think I'd fucking fall asleep.

Same. I have a heavy lunch. You've seen me after a heavy lunch. Yes. We have done that before. Useless in the afternoon. Get in early, get the work done because once Tony and Ryan have had lunch, see you later. We're like children.

We need our siesta. We're not moving to Bali for the tax break. We're moving to Spain. For the siesta. Sangria. The first time we ever had a drink together, we got a jug of sangria, which is a bit fucking left of field. Fast.

No, for anybody. Can you imagine sitting down with someone like, do you want to get a drink? They're just like, yeah, I'll get a beer. But I was like, should we get a jug of sangria? One of the first times Tony and I drank together, we rocked up at the pub at 11am and drank jugs of sangria all day. Yeah.

That was a great day. People, like, came and went. Yeah. That was a great day. People like came and went. Yeah. Bridget came in for the first few hours, left to get her hair done. Which takes fucking eight years. Four hours later goes, where are you now? And I'm like, I haven't left that seat. I'm literally in that seat.

Yeah. Come back. I've eaten two chicken palmas though while you've been gone. Next one. Whilst most, this is like an add-on from the previous. Okay. Whilst Australians' attitude to meals are off, their passion for the food itself, so like don't worry about the meal time,

but their passion for the food itself is to the point where it's actually extremely rude if anything gets in between an Australian and their food. It's like we get hangry as a country. I cried this week because of the hollandaise. Hollandaise sauce. I refer you to Exhibit A. I have a review of a restaurant and the review's been left by David.

Okay. Dave. Dave. So Dave called to maybe order something and then he was going to come pick it up? Yep. Don't bother calling for takeout. One star.

They put you on hold and they never come back. Oh, maybe they were busy, Dave. Well, we actually know what they were doing because the owner has got onto Google and replied. There is nothing worse than a business owner jumping on and getting hairy in the comments. Dave, sorry for the inconvenience. The server taking your order had a seizure and in doing so hairy in the comments. Dave, sorry for the inconvenience.

The server taking your order had a seizure and in doing so couldn't complete the ordering process. Do you reckon Dave feels bad now? I fucking reckon so. Turns out not so much. Oh. When you showed up to retrieve your order and we explained this to you

it was obviously not ready. Even though there was an ambulance out the front of the restaurant and we were tending to a medical emergency at hand, we offered to complete your order at the time, even though it was a bit of a delay than we would have liked to have had. So Dave knew all this and then still left that arsehole review. I am sorry that you declined our offer to start cooking it then and chose to instead complain in a public forum.

What an asshole. So he's got off the phone and gone, that was fucking weird. I'll head down there. Walks past the ambulance as all the staff are helping their colleague into the back of the ambulance who's had a seizure and is like, where's me battered sap? I tried to call. And they go, sorry, mate, we've just put that guy in the ambulance.

He's like, yeah, yeah, where's my battered sap? I'm like, sorry, we'll cook it for you now. He's like, fucking don't worry about it. Imagine. I'm going home to Google reviews to fucking leave you a one-star review. Imagine calling somewhere and them, like, not coming back on the phone. You know what you do? You just call again.

Yeah. You don't go down there and then still not get any food. That is just like going out of your way to be a jerk. Australians and their food, man. That's how we're known around the world. Yeah, love the enthusiasm. So we don't get a lunch break. We're arseholes.

We're paying for condiments and our barbecue's shit. Welcome to Australia. Yay. What a c***. Hey, this is Pam from British Columbia, Canada, and this is Tony and Ryan. A massive thank you to a few of our champion tapas over at our Patreon. You can check it out at any time you like. There's a link in the show notes.

We do a heap of bonus content over there, so it's like different stuff to what you get in the pod. Live streams every month for the Champion Tapas. For Champion Tapas. Exclusive Tapas get a weekly blog from the desk of Tony Lodge. Yeah, Dr Tony Lodge. Thank you so much. You know what?

I've mistitled you a few times. And I'm sorry and I need to lift my... I didn't work hard to become a doctor for you to not... I know you didn't work hard to become a doctor. True statement, true fact. Yeah, I know. I wasn't lying. But I have mistitled you a few times and I am going to educate myself.

Thank you. And bring it up to speed because that's not good enough. Thank you. You didn't work hard to become a doctor. Full stop. And I should know better. Also, if you're part of our Patreon, you can sign up to approve the podcast. So like the phone calls that you hear at the beginning of every pod,

that's where all those people come from. So if you're interested, please check it out. A few people that are already part of our Patreon, Niamh Fagan, thank you so much, Stacey Groom, Julian Gutierrez, Kiri Rainville, Oh Bethy. Oh Bethy. Oh Bethy. Oh Bethy.

Brandon Bug, Agent Broccoli. Sure. Liliana, Jacob Gibbs, Corinne Knable, Cassidy Mattinson and Hannah Lowe. Thank you so much for being part of the Patreon. We fucking love to see it. We fucking love to see it. And still making our way through from early May. So if you haven't heard your voice yet, or your name yet, it's coming.

It's coming. So this week's movie choices were about claymation, animation, stop motion. And it was a, for lack of a better word, runaway winner was Chicken Run. Yeah. And I hadn't seen Chicken Run before. I can't believe you haven't seen Chicken Run. It's just one of those like classic kids movies. But I don't think I was a kid when it came out.

I think I just associate with kids movies as you have to be a kid to watch it. To watch it, yeah. I don't have kids or like little nephews who I sit and watch a movie with. Yeah. See, even so when I was like my first nephew, Tyler, was born when I was like 11 or 12 because my brothers and sisters are all way older than me. So I've had nieces and nephews since like I was a kid almost. So you like watch it with them and stuff.

Yeah. So I feel like when I became like not a kid anymore, quote unquote, they were watching kids' movies. So, yeah, I feel like I flowed through lots of generations of, like, kids' films. Firstly, can we just get around Ginger? What a positive, uplifting fucking legend. It is the ultimate feminist movie.

It really is. So I watched it with my wife, Bridget, last night. She, because she was getting those powerful woman vibes, she was almost like, oh, I hated that, like, at a few times Rocky, like, came to save her. Yeah. She was a bit like, nah. Every time Ginger saves herself.

Every time Rocky tried, he fucked it up. Yeah. So, like, when they're in the pie machine, he's, like, fucking crockling around and fucking up and stuff and she ends up saving him. Saving the day. Absolutely. Also, I remember when we found out that Chicken Run was the winner,

I think I said on Friday, last Friday, apparently it saddled us some dark moments. Yeah. At the start when the girl, she doesn't lay enough eggs. Yeah. That really. I didn't see that coming in a kids movie. Because I guess, you know, how do you know they're serious?

What's at stake here oh i actually so last week i said it's a really sweet movie it's really good and everyone said it's pretty sad and even you said oh people have said it's pretty sad is it watching it again yeah there are definitely sad parts and I read like a lot of articles last night because I was like, there's a lot of shit going on here. And, yeah, it's pretty dark. Is it based on there's this classic old war movie called The Great Escape. Oh.

Where they're in like they're being captured in a war. Was that in like Nazi Germany times? Yeah. And they're trying to escape and I said to Bridget, oh, this looks like The Great Escape. And they end up escaping via a war. Was that in like Nazi Germany times? Yeah. And they're trying to escape and I said to Bridget, oh, this looks like the Great Escape and they end up escaping via a tunnel. And then literally as I said it, the chickens are like trying to dig a tunnel together and I was like, is this based on that?

Well, I mean everything comes from somewhere. But like I read articles where it was like, yeah, saying that it was based on, like, Nazi Germany, that, like, Mrs Tweedy was, like, the leader, like, fascist leader character. Who strangely looks like an old boss of mine, which kind of threw me a little bit. They look similar.

Yeah. There is a physical resemblance. They do. I've never worked with the person you're talking about. Not the behaviour, just the actual look of them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, they do. They do. I've never worked with the person you're talking about. Not the behaviour, just the actual look of them. Yeah, they do. Thank you.

And then I read some other articles about like the dangers of capitalism because obviously she's like we're just trying to make money, don't care about the feelings of like the workers of the chickens because they're like Is this like Animal Farm? Apparently the more you read Animal Farm, the more like

it's a story about Napoleon taking over in the 20th, 18th century. I don't know history, obviously. But there's like deep, meaningful shit. Yeah. But I had no idea, really. I'd never really thought about it. But I watched it with a different kind of lens, I guess, last night.

And, yeah, I was like, oh, yeah, it's pretty dark. But I love that the feminist chicken's like fucking, they're just slaying it. Slaying it. I love the girl who's talking about the holidays. Babs. Oh, Babs. What a sweetheart.

She's so fucking. You're on holidays. Ginger's on holiday. She's so fucking great. And when she's like, me whole life flashed before me eyes, it was really boring. You're good at that voice. Yeah, it's the only English accent I can do.

Yeah, and I've heard you try a lot and that was the first that resembled some sort of the thing that you were trying to resemble. There was actually a comment in a thing and it was like, after watching Chicken Run, I now know why Tony does the accent she does. It's based on the Chicken Run accent. Okay.

I feel like I can copy an accent well. I just can't come up with it myself. Have you heard Tony and Ryan's Audio Queen? No, I'm saying I can copy, like, because I know the quote. I know how she says it. I just can't then put it into my own words. Okay, because last week I said, can you do Irish? And you went, sure.

And then you went, to sure, to be sure, and then started speaking Scottish. Yeah. Yeah, that did happen speaking Scottish. Yeah. Yeah. That did happen. It did happen. Again, I won't lie. Guilty as charged.

Yeah. All right. Are we rapping? Oh, I've got an idea. Shoot. So obviously I've got the rap. We'll do that in a second. But you know when they come out of the pie thing

and there's like that little ode to Indiana Jones and she grabs her hat from under the closing gate? I remember that scene from Chicken Run, but I have not seen Indiana Jones. Neither have I. We should do the best Indiana Joneses next week because we're running out of themes. Gotcha. And we haven't seen Indiana Jones. Is the best one the original?

How about we find out? You have to have seen the first one to appreciate the second. Hey, mate, let's find out. We'll post all five. Great call. It's on other people. Just five of them. I think there's actually like 60.

Fuck, righto. But I thought that'd be cute. Yeah, that's a great idea. I like that idea. Do you like that? All right, now we can do the rap. We can do the rap. Okay, here we go.

All right, here's the Chicken Run rap. Tony Lodge, 2022. Another week, another film to rap. This one, chickens get treated like crap. Ginger is smarter than the Tweeties, you know. Learning how to fly. I don't want to be a pie. Mr. Tweety is really pissed.

Mr. Tweety must be depressed. Rocky's got a plan to escape where chickens will be safe from harm. Yeah! Yeah! Tony Lodge, get around her. Did you like, I don't want to be a part. That was my favourite part. Yeah.

That was incredible. Thank you. And I love that you're getting creative and creating some liberties with the rhyming words. Yeah. Yeah. It was actually because I misread it and then I was like, well, depressed isn't going to rhyme with piss,

so I said depressed like a Kiwi. We were here and we loved it. Like, yeah, that rat works in Auckland. We're going international, baby! Boom! Did you know the New Zealand podcast ranker came out the other week and 12,000 individuals listened to the Tony Ryan podcast from New Zealand? Wow.

So thank you very much. Oh, kia ora. Thank you so much. Love to see that. Love to see that. My love to see it for today is we posted in our Facebook group last week about bad first impressions because I met Ryan's mum and backed my car into a tree.

Yes. And David Aaron Groves, and I'm fucking selling you out here, Dave, because this is fucking hilarious. He commented on the post and said, Hear me out here. I don't wear underwear. Okay. It's restricting and I hate it.

I went for a job interview once and the entire time my fly was open and I was on full display. But I had no idea until the person doing my interview said something. Was he not sitting behind a table? It must have been, like, on the couch or something. Maybe they were just sitting up or maybe it was when Dave walked in. Hey, how excited about you, about this role are you? Also, I can see your

dick. Yeah. And apparently not that excited. We don't do that here. Unfortunately, you'll be shocked to know he didn't get the job and he said, I don't think I would have taken it even if I was offered it. And I just think that that's really funny.

Also, you don't get to take the high horse, the high road of I wouldn't have taken it anyway if they didn't offer it to you. No, but I think he's like, I couldn't have. There's just like, there's no way. Gotcha. No, not him being like, oh, they didn't want to pay me very much. He's saying, I don't think I could have accepted the job. 100% correct.

I thought he was like, and I was better than that. No. I showed him my dick. And what do I think of this job? Check'm 100% correct. I thought he was like, and I was better than that. I showed him my dick and what do I think of this job? Check out me jock. Going through that interview process, his dick's out the whole time and they're like, we'd love to offer you the job. In spite of that, we'd love to offer you

the job. He's like, I prefer something with a green wall. You know, this one's blue. So, how did they point out? He didn't say. I replied back and said, this is fucking hilarious. And he was like, yeah, like, that really happened.

But I guess it's a lesson to wear underwear when you're going to be around other people. Or just in fucking general. Just, yeah, I mean... Find the one that fits you. If you're not a boxer man, find a brief. Yeah. If you're not a brief guy... There's got to be an option for you. Get a jockstrap of anything.

Put a box in. Yeah. Fucking a cup. Like, just block yourself off from the world. A cup? But, yeah, I thought that was really funny. How do you not notice? When you feel the breeze on your...

Maybe he was like, I thought it was just... I was nervous. Maybe he was just like, oh, I thought I was tingling down there. Far out. Anyway, David, I fucking love to see that. I thought it was just, I was nervous. Maybe he was just like, oh, I thought I was tingling down there. Far out. Anyway, David, I fucking love to see that. I thought that was so funny. My love to see it, after spending every weekend for a year, this is our last episode in this studio,

which might not mean anything to anyone else, but it's kind of a bit of a moment for Tony and I. The Purple Bricks, I fucking love to see you every week. I don't know if I'll see you again, which is a bit of a moment for Tony and I. The Purple Bricks, I'd fucking love to see you every week. I don't know if I'll see you again, which is a bit of a shame, but a real line in the sand behind the scenes as we move into our new digs for tomorrow's episode. Yeah, so no more Saturday mornings. Get your weekend back.

Don't you fucking love to see that. Meowza. Woo! Pour me a... What's that drink when you mix the champagne and orange juice? Meow-mosa. Pour me a meow-mosa. We're moving out.

All right, we'll chat to you tomorrow. Love you, bye. As women, our life stages come with unique risk factors, like when our estrogen levels drop during menopause, causing the risk of heart disease to go up. Know your risks.