Toni and Ryan - Don't Let Kids Wash Your CAR

Episode Date: September 8, 2026

Pubetini - Nickname whisperer - Car wash - love ya!!!!!How much have you paid for a car wash??Toni YLTSITell us what you reckon in the episode thread in our FACEBOOK GROUPWatch and subscribe on YOUTUBECheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan and get in the group chat with us!!!Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

If some 12-year-old kids rode BMX up to the house, knocked on the door, and went, can we wash your car, we're trying to like make a little bit of money for the cricket club and stuff? Yeah. What do you reckon they're charging these days? Tell them they fucking drayman. Hey, I'm Claire from Brooklyn, New York.

Hi, I'm Shiborne from Clyde North, Victoria, Australia. Hi, I'm Katie. This is Cosmo. We're from Bismarck, North Dakota, USA, and we approve this podcast. Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. we're a bit wired because Charles lives by himself and said that he sleeps with his bedroom door closed still. What the fuck? That's so random. Is that just how crazy? Do you sleep with your door? If I was home by myself and no one else lived there, I wouldn't ever close any door. I, yeah, we never close our door. But I also grew up in like, maybe when you were growing up, Charles,

did you grow up in like a door closed house? Um, yes and like young, my dad. door was always open. Yeah. But then like as I grew up, I think I slept in my door closed, but never locked. No, our door was always open. Really? Not like metaphorically, but like. Oh, come on over.

I put the kettle on. Yeah, doors open. Yeah. Um, which is true if anyone wants to come around. But, um, like, yeah, always, we all slept with our doors open. I don't know why. What about when you started like bringing friends around? Yeah, I guess then it would be rude to not let everyone else hear it.

Like, yeah, maybe. But like, always. Yeah. And Torbs and I. always sleep with our door open at home. Yeah, that's correct. Are you scared of the dark or something? No, because it just makes the room so much darker.

Yeah, it would be almost the opposite, I guess. Interesting. I just, I feel weird with my door sharp. Yeah. I'm sleeping in Alcatraz. Well, I feel like I'm like, what if something's going on? I can't hear it, even though you could. Tony hates to miss a party.

Yeah. I get phone off my door's closed. I'm about to show you a new. drink that's hit the market at a steak restaurant out of all places. I'd love a bit of fucking steak. Should we go to the sports bar at Northland today? I'd love that. What's that called?

The sportsmen's... Sports bar. Sporting globe. Sporting globe. Yep. Fuck, it'd hate to be one of the 17 different Palmer options there today, wouldn't you? Do I have a few, don't they? Probably a little too many options there, yeah.

Roll the tape, Charles, and Tony, I'll get you to describe... Oh, I just burped. I was so scared. Yeah, what? you can see going on with this drink here. So it's like, oh. So it was like a little cosmopolitan. It looked like I had pubic hair at the bottom.

Then they've just set the pubic hair on fire, which would smell terrible. Awful, yeah. It's also just like at the bottom. It's not really like theatrically part of the drink. It's like, looks like somebody dropped that on that old carpet we used to have in here. You know that puby one?

Oh, that was such puby carpet. Yeah, it's that carpet in there. I just realized. Yeah, that needs a vacuum. Yeah. Hours. Yeah. Most days, most hours.

Remember when you vacuum for like six minutes here that time, then you gave up? I take that back. You just said you're good about this day. Yeah, nah, I'm a fucking up on a Wednesday and decided violence. What the fuck, dude? I take that back. It was at least seven minutes of solid vacuuming. Oh!

Old white woman tries to six seven. and hurts herself by punching a microphone. What the fuck does that happen? I was trying to do six, seven. Yeah. And then I smash her microphone into my face. Oh, it's such a boomer thing to do. It actually was.

It's like when you get your torch on. Can we, for those on YouTube, get a slow motion replay going and, oh. No, like, they'll do it in post. Not you do this slow motion. Ah. Okay, well, I've made my fucking... Yeah, okay. Fitting this back, haven't I?

I got it served straight back to me. Yeah. A cocktail, absolutely disgusting. Yeah, the comments. Oh, yep. Oh, I'll get the pubitini. Thank you. Love it.

I'm a bartender and need a trim. I'm going to put this bad boy on special. Oh, that's burning the bush they were talking about in the Bible. Slay. And if something is James Bond adjacent, should I do it in the accent? James E Bondo accent, yes. Shaven, not stirred. That is very, very funny.

Did you write that? No, that was from B. Oh, good on you, B. In the comment section. And if you want to have a wild ride, the comments, just keep going. If you want to have a wild ride, hang out with Ryan John.

She's sucking up to me now because she was meaningful. He leaves his bedroom door open. Play cards run. We always sleep with our doors closed when we stay together in an Airbnb. That is true. That is true. true.

I can just hear Lily eating. Who's eating? It went really quiet. I can just hear someone eating. Oh. No, I can hear a Lily chew from anywhere. That was a Lily chew. No, no shade.

And how would you know that if we close the doors at the Airbnb? Yeah, that's. I hope there's some crunchy nut for all of us. Oh, crunchy nut. The nickname Whisper is back. Here she is. Lodge the nickname, Wistair. Thank you for saying that.

I am going to tell you the Tapa's nickname. Yep. And you are going to guess how they got it. Amazing. Not that it's a competition, but last week you got none from five. Yay! It's like golf, the lower the score, the better. No, actually.

It's the opposite. Yeah, yeah. Oh, we're in a fight. Do we need the horse photo? No. Do we need the horse photo? No. Back on.

Okay. Why is Anne? Ang's nickname, Bog. I reckon you'll get this. I reckon you get this. Went to have anal sex with a guy and had shit in her asshole. And he got shit all over his cock. And he was like, oh, I'm bogged in Ange.

And they called her bog after that. Yeah, try eating food now, Will. I can't cop that. I actually said that as you took a mouthful of drink, She nearly spat on the laptop. Oh, look, I'm like up to me nuts in dirt. I'm bogged. Have you ever spoken to a man before?

I assume this is how they talk. That is. I've met you. You and Charles are always talking like that. Take that back. Take that back. Take that back. Take that back.

Ange auto corrects to bog and after a while people just couldn't be fucking changing it. Okay. How would I have guessed that? You said, I reckon you might get this one. Well, Ange feels like bog in if you were Siri. Yeah, I like that. Also, are your friends really your friends if that's too much effort? Yeah, I agree. Oh, I can't even change your name back.

Mine either autocrocks to Tonight or Tong. Like a pair of like tongs like for the barbecue. It's great because when Bridget sees these texts and she goes, finger the tongs. I go, yeah, just pick it up. Yeah, just grab them. Yeah, all good. Why is Bethany's nickname Peanut? Um, small head. Apparently when I talk, I sound like a fucking idiot as if I have the brain the size of a peanut.

I'll give you half a point of that. Yeah, I'll give you half. Closer than bog. Hey, and love you, Bethany. Love you, Bethany. I think that she's the smartest person I've ever met. So true. And Tony's met me.

Yeah, and I've met. Oh, yeah. Yep. Gabriela's nickname is Fanny Rash. Why is she called that? because everybody when they're about 15 or 16, they all went to the beach together during high school, and she got dunked by a big wave,

and all the sand went in her bikini bottoms and gave her a little fanny rash. And she went, oh, you guys, I think I need to go for a shower because I've got a little fanny rash, and they went, Fanny rash, Fanny rash, and that's what they call her. So Gabriella's last name is Nash, so her name is Gabby Nash. And it rhymes with fanny rash. Also, sometimes got scabby gash, which is just... Is that another half a point for me, do you think?

No. No. It's like, people are clever. People's friends are clever. Yeah, they're really good. These are great. Why is Sierra's nickname Miss Piss Pants? Um, um, entered a pageant to beat Miss Miss Universe.

was on the stage and they said, unfortunately you haven't won, she pissed her pants and they go, you're not Miss Universe, but you are Miss Piss Pants. And they bring a satch out? Yeah. Like they've got the unready to go.

Yes. And the flowers. And they go, oh, Miss Piss Pants. And she went, ha ha ha ha ha ha. Then goes on tour at the local Kmart and stuff. Oh, Miss University, Miss Piss Pants, ladies and gentlemen. Goes on tour at the local Kmart. That is so funny.

But isn't that one Miss Universe, like, yes. The title and then they have to do these random events that no one gets. Like a Westfield and stuff. Yes. I remember going to an event at the Carousel, like Westfield Carousel in Perth. And like the top four from Big Brother 2006 were there. And you like lined up and got like a photo with them and a little signature and stuff.

They would sign their headshot and whatever. Yeah. They did a girlfriend model search. How'd you go? I didn't enter. I didn't think it would be fair on the other girls. And it wouldn't be. Yeah, thanks.

We had this girl come to our school and she was Miss Oklahoma. Oh, what? That's crazy. And it was like, you know, the new person turns up and it's like, oh, you can tell us about yourself. And like, oh, you know, I'm into volleyball and do this. Oh, like a student. Yeah. Oh, I thought you meant that Miss Oklahoma did a tour of Australia.

No, she was going to be. came to your school and was like, don't do drugs. She was going to come to our school and we're like, and what else do you know, what are your hobbies? And she's like, oh, I've done a few pageants. They're kind of fun. Like, oh, yeah, I'm Miss Oklahoma. That's crazy.

Yeah. And then all the guys just were melted. Well, yeah. Yeah. And like, no one could talk to her because we were just so intimidated. The hottest girl in Oklahoma. Yeah. Yeah.

Which is. Tricky competition. What happened with Miss Piss Pets? Because I regularly laugh so hard I piss myself. God forbid a women has a good time and enjoys comedy. No. I am fully on your side. Yeah.

Yeah. Sometimes you do a little bit of piss because you haven't so much fun. And have we all pissed today? Yes. Not in my pants. That's nice. Yep. Those still are.

It's only 5 a.m. Yeah. That is when the podcast comes out. Yes. Ladies and gentlemen, point five out of five, Tony. Yay! I'll take that. We'll call you Tony.

I'm a regular point five. No. Okay. Out of 10. That's not very good, is it? I'm Claire from Brooklyn. Hi, I'm Katie. This is Cosmo.

We're from Bismarck, North Dakota, USA. Hi, I'm Chavonne from Clyde, North Victoria, Australia. And he is listening to Tony Ryan. That is beautiful. Thank you. Thank you, everybody, for being a Patreon subscriber. Oh, we're leaving that in. Yeah, leave that in.

That was beautiful. I was just yawning. Brian, John. sing Ryan John sung yeah that's beautiful I'm asked you shout out two of you yeah not me more not currently yeah not currently singing but he did sung he did a son one time miss sung um you're a daughter no I got a sung hero that's good yeah thank you Charles is our son were you in the school choir Charles no that's a shame yeah that's weird why not um I actually wasn't allowed why because I couldn't sing

Oh, you didn't make the past the audition. Yeah, Kate Welsh. Teach wouldn't allow me. Kate Wells. Well, fuck you, Kate. Where's she now? She's still at the school. She's head of religion now.

It's all that coming, do we? Big shout out to you of our chairman of time. Yeah, wow. Okay. Zeta Baldini. What an amazing name. I know. Don't you think that Zeta Baldini, even though it is a great name, sounds delicious.

Like a cocktail. Oh, I was thinking like a, you know, when you have a, like a baked ziti and it's like a pasta bake with like heaps of like melted cheese and stuff like that oh yum um did you want um zeta baldini thank you so much what kind of teresa did you like oh i'll think i'll try that zeta baldini i haven't had that one for a while yeah that's nice isn't that is good yeah can i get the 2005 zeta baldini um chardonnay that'd be beautiful thank you so much oh sorry but good on you zita lovely i don't know what's going on Vic, good on you, Vic.

Did it a Twix? Absolutely not. You were closer with the steak before. Okay. Yeah. Steak with the Twix on it. That's surprise Twix. Kate Platt, could only Kate.

Love to say it. Cato, separate. Drew Nichols, good on you, Drew. Caitlin, Archer. Caitlin. Are you okay? Is there another job? Are you okay?

Yeah. You know how we said yesterday that you may have a full-time job at Coles in the afternoon? Yeah, I've been working overtime. But like, don't give that up, you know. Take that back, you never, you never know. Take that back. I take that back.

Lynn, good on your Lynn C. You know, they say don't give up your day job. I'm like, we did. Like, we did give up our day jobs. The issue is not getting what you're saying. We gave up our day jobs for this. And this is not going well today. You're going to shit at my next story.

So say them. Okay. So say them. Say them. Say them. Jenna Bargeo, good on you, Jenna. Kristen G and Carlo Rivera. Some great names in there today.

Thank you so much for being part of our Patreon, even though that was terrible. Love you so much. Now, Tony Lodge, I want you to embrace the beautiful, yet socially conscious woman that you are with a finger on the pulse. I'll finger anything with a pulse. As a lady of the people.

Yeah. If some 12-year-old kids came a number, knocked on your door. They rode a BMX up to the house, knocked on the door, 12 years old, and went, oh, hey,

can we wash your car? We're trying to, like, make a little bit of money for the cricket club and stuff? Yep. What do you reckon they're charging these days? Oh, fuck, that's a good question. I mean,

to go and get your car washed at the BP is, what, $11 or something, isn't it? $10 or $11? Yeah, 12 for that. Yeah. But if you went, and got your car like hand washed and detailed or whatever it's like up to 250 or whatever yeah

so professionals with machinery and yeah no no so i'm going from like one extreme to the other a hand washed by some kids what 20 bucks 15 35 dollars tell them they're fucking dreaming so mabel and i are in the backyard doing some gardening they rolled up on their bmxes did you think you're under attack No, so they rolled up to the neck. A piece of toast just fell from the sky and landed behind Tony. How did that just happen? It's a weird day. I think I know, but...

What was it? No, like, I think I know. Maybe my mum sent that toast, do you know what I mean? Oh, yeah. Hi, Liz. Today is actually the anniversary of her death, so maybe that's what's a weird day. Oh, okay. But that toast falling, that's crazy.

Was that her saying, 35 for a car, you fucking kid. You're joking. Yeah. I'll come back to the other side of the ground to tell them. And fuck you. So I'm in the backyard on the side where you know the next door neighbors have that drive by down that side.

Yes. So me and Mabel are kind of near that fence playing in the garden. Because you can see kind of up. Yeah. Yeah. And the kids rock up to the next door neighbor's house and go, hey, you know, and he goes, yeah, do you want to do both our cars? And then so I'm.

Seventy bucks. So I'm right up there on the fence. And I go, oh, like, if I decide. bring mine around we'll get the production line going you know so i'll bring my car drive it around into the neighbors yeah driveway and you can do all three what are you guys charging he goes he goes he goes what you have big chic car and i'm like oh it's just like a a Volkswagen golf like a little hatchback and he goes oh yeah no worries 35 bucks now at first he mentions the cricket club but the more i keep asking he stops mentioning the cricket club they're just little hustlers

they've made what's 35 times a hundred and five dollars for about 40 Quick maths, good job. For about 40 minutes work, there's little punks. A hundred bucks. And he goes, don't worry, Matt. We do a really good job with the ribs. I fucking doubt it. Go check the mic.

What were they using to wash your car? Well, they used my next door neighbor's hose. Yeah, but what, like. And they brought a bucket. Yeah. And they had a sponge between two, not two sponges. Our sponge between two. Between two of them.

Yep. Controversially, they got off their bikes, but one of them were still wearing their helmet. Don't know how I felt about that. Well, they had to be able to make a quick getaway Because they were fucking robbing you blind I did make a joke And I said for that kind of money Do you take Apple Pay?

Well, then I had to go find money And who the fuck's got money anymore? Honestly, like I would probably just say no Because there's no way I would have cash Yeah Well, I was like, good, I felt what's what's going on over here? I mean, yeah, what if I bring my car? Yeah, yeah, cool, alright.

Fuck, all right. And then I go inside and Bridget goes, Oh, they saw you coming. They, yeah. They have taken. you for a ride. 35 bucks is Steve. He's crazy.

I mean, I would have said no because I like don't fuck with my car. Did you say the rims? I got here before you today so I didn't see your car. But like I just haven't seen your car. Well, when you get down there, you know what you're going to notice? Nothing.

Because they look kind of like they did the other day. Just with a little like. You're joking. Like when he said 35, I was like, well, better be a good job is what I sort of said to yourself. Yeah, well, because we are active proponents and sharers of the BP car wash. Yeah.

And I know what 12 bucks gets me. We know the value of that 15 minutes of silence also. Someone coming to your car. You don't even get that. No. You don't go to have your golden gay time in the fucking drive-thru. Well, maybe you still did. You know what I'm saying?

But, you know what I? But like the experience. So Bridget just goes, mate, they've seen you coming. and they've just like, you know, like, heaven forbid, if someone was like, Tony, I'm going to give you $500 to clean my car, there would be like this mental switch where you're like, fuck, fuck, I'm going to do, like, for $500, I'm going to, like, because I was like, well, if you guys reckon you were 35, like, let's fucking see it. I want, yeah, put your money where your mouth is.

They'd put their money in their pocket and fucked off on their BMXs. One sponge between two of them. That is just, rookies. Mabel and I went around to inspect when they'll wrap it up I go thanks mate you have a good day and I went Yeah okay

Did you not start yet? Kind and I was like okay Like fucking you got you know But I was almost like fucking get that It's just kids Fucking who cares Yeah Get that hustle guys

You know what And you're good for it So you're all right I'm alright if the car's clean You know what I mean Yeah You can pay for a job to be done Yeah

What did your butt was say After that way Well here Yeah So he had to go get the coins. But then, so I thought I'd got done and I was like, well, who's the loser today? Yeah. Who's a loser today?

Yeah, but it's going to the cricket club. Mate, those a s haven't seen a cricket bat in their life. No, no, they definitely haven't. Nah, they've... What was the deal with the neighbour's car? Did they do a better job and then it got steadily worse? I think so. He had a van and that one stage they were up in top of the van scrub and the roof.

And I saw that and I went, that's not how I'd go about it, but I think that they mean business. I think they ran out of steam. That's what I mean. Like physically not like of the steamer that they didn't have to clean the car. They got one sponge between them, but they've got a steamer. And now I'm about to say something and don't fucking at me in the comments because it's illegal and it sounds really bad, but it's actually fucking not. So I don't fucking care. Mabel and I went around to inspect what they're done.

And they went, yep, all good. You have a great day. And I went, fine, cool. And so what I needed to do is drive up my neighbor. was driveway and just like loop around back into mine. And Mabel goes, can I sit in the front seat? Oh my God. I mean, you've just been robbed blind. You had a lot day. I wasn't thinking. And I go, yeah. Yeah, you can sit in the front seat, actually. Did you ever like, when you were a kid, never do this, but like on the beach or whatever, like drive the car. When we drove to my nannas,

I'd sit on my dad's lap. And when we got into her street. And I go, like, can you I help you drive? Can I drive now? Can I help you? So I would, I would sit on his lap and just put that thing straight into the curb because it was like a, like it was a 90 degree turn and I would just like, and we hit the curve and then dad and sort of, you know. Yeah. And she goes, can I sit in the front seat and I went, yeah, yeah, you can. You jump in. You put your belt on and the look. Oh, yeah, the excitement on her face. What happened when she told Richard about that? She goes, mom, does. Oh, the opposite of what you'd expect. So we got to the top of my driveway. and I go, should we call mom?

Until it had come out. Yeah. We called her on the thing. And she goes, Mom, I'm in the front seat. And Bridget comes to the front door. I go, come to the front door. And she's like waving at mom.

She goes, I'm in the front seat. And Bridget's like waving at her. Then I pulled into the garage. And Mabel looks at me and goes, this is the best day of my life. I'm going to cry. Oh, my God. I mean, she hasn't been alive long.

Yeah, like she's. So, I mean, not much to compare it to. She said, this is the best day of my life. And she was so excited. That is, fuck. And the reason she thought that was the best day of her life is because that little bitch doesn't understand the value of $35. She doesn't know.

We just got absolutely fucking paid. And we're not having dinner tonight. If you understood the ride, we actually just got taken on. You would have not have said those words. But now, and doesn't that just bring you around? She just goes, and the, she was so. genuine and looked at mom as if she'd just walked on water. Like that was just the craziest thing ever.

She turned water into wine and was like, mom, look at this. I sat in the front seat. That is so fucking cute. And to be fair between myself and Bridget, if one of us was going to like bend the rules a little bit, it was probably going to be me. What? Yeah. And so I didn't know how I was going to go down.

And then later, Bridget goes, oh, sometimes you just got to let them have fun, eh? and she goes she looked so happy and she had the fun and she like told it I'm like well don't don't tell us too many people yeah oh just so but like people come around don't tell them at fucking I've been driving the car body goes what are you been up to she goes well I was in the front front of him well you should be funny's family but you know like yeah let's keep it calm but what an amazing day that is so fucking sweet well I mean it's funny though because both of us had a story of doing that and we both went how great was that as a kid

I remember driving on the beach and being like driving on the beach is like a West Australian thing because the thought of that in Victoria like you'd be in jail if you got wheels on like Sydney the same

you'd be if someone who just drove their car down Bondi'd that you'd be in like Bondi yeah no but like helicopters fucking you'd be gone in 30 seconds you'd sniped that's great

light of fire drinks and beers oh I'm just driving down to the beach to light of fire I had to sit in there and have a few beers and watch the sunset. Where else, but Perth. Lots of cars get drifted off into the sea bogged. Nice.

Like our mate bog from earlier. But yeah, driving on that, that was the first time I ever drove. And it was like a big land cruise. I like, I like, that's actually really smart because I once drove a Volkswagen golf on the beach at North Frio and the sand got soft.

And I had to get a lovely man to tow me out. Yeah. Might have been me. Yeah Oh yeah Back on up mate Yeah you got a hook on that land

Cruiser Prado That sometimes it's a Prado But sometimes it's not Don't worry man I got me wink on Hey they almost charge The same as the car wash From those kids

They charged you to pull the car out Yeah Why'd to call the tow truck Oh like it was all I thought you meant like someone going No Because everyone like left for the day And then I walked back

And I was like I'm not getting out here I'm just spinning sand That is so stressful And the guy's like It was such like In a mask girl I'm like, oh, this little, your little boy with your Volkswagen golf on the beach.

Yeah, sorry, can you help me, please? You're standing there and your budgy smugglers? Literally. And he just pulls me back a meter to the gravel bit and he goes, okay, see ya. Yeah, and he's like, that's $300. I'm the fucking around. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm sorry that you got hustled, but turned out to be a great day that Mabel had the best day of her life. And she's also never sounded more Australian. This is the best day of my life. And I was just like, what the fuck? I love her. She's so adorable. She's are adorable. That is so cute.

I've got a you love to see it. Is that the local drug dealers in research have had a huge day because these kids rocked up with cash? They rock up, they got all this cash on them. Well, they rock up with chains on next time. I saw this a tarpa sent it through actually and it might make your day even better.

Charles, if you could open up, that Golden Gay Time and Sinabon have just teamed up to make the ultimate golden gay time. which is Ryan's favorite ice cream of all time. You love a golden gay time. It's always your sneaky one that you get from the servo or whatever. I'm not even that sneaky anymore, to be honest. But that's the one you'll go for.

Yeah, a new little collab with Cinebon. And Cinebon. And what's Cinebon for new players? Well, Cinebon is the like big cinnamon scrolls. You know, they're like gigormous ones. And they've got all the... On top bit of that energy in the gay time. Yeah, well, so I'm guessing it's like a bit cinnamony, a bit sweet.

I don't know It looks pretty good Do they sell them at the Sporting Globe? I hope so To wash down our steak and twig A big of fucking steak You know what I could go for as well Like a little curly fry

Let's get that barbecue joint That does the meats That isn't open every day Like they only open a couple of days away And I think it's like after 5pm Because it's got to smoke all day Yeah Yeah

Yeah Yeah, I've got to have a sticky Before I start up for the day I better start that barbecue My love to see it is from Josie Fike Fuck me I almost died on Tuesday day But I didn't

Fuck yeah Fuck yeah I had a routine hysterectomy My recovery was going fine Until I stopped peeing Turns out I had internal bleeding They had to get two units of blood into me But I was home Wednesday afternoon

After stabilising now I have a fun icebreaker topic. Probably should have died it turned out, but all good, eh? Jos. Jose. Jose! Well, I'm so glad that you're okay. You do love to see that. God, that's the dangers of not paying, isn't it?

That Ryan takes up very seriously. He's always pissing. Yeah, I'll never need that. I need the opposite. What is the opposite? Not a hysterectomy, which is just me now. But you go on through the list of you love to see it And someone goes,

Almost died and didn't slay And you're like And you know what? Yes. Yeah. Great. I'm glad that you're still with us, Jose. But well done, Josie.

And thank you very much for sharing. Now I have a fun icebreaker topic. What's your icebreaker topic? Um, uh, probably that I've met the Dalai Lama. Yeah. That's a kind of cool.

That's a good story, I think. Yeah. Uh, what's yours? Maybe fist-bumping Snoop Dog. Yeah, sick. Yeah. Another one for you, I feel like, is probably, like, that you played a sport, like, professionally. That's a good icebreaker also.

Semi, not really. But, like, you know, you played around the world. Yeah. Like, that's a good one. But it's funny now because people look me up and down and go, okay. Yeah, when a while ago? Yeah, in the 70s. Yeah, how far back are we talking?

Yeah, okay. What's your icebreaker, Charles? I've met Olivia Rodriguez. Olivia Rodriguez. Yeah, that's a pretty good one. That's pretty cool. Yeah. That's pretty cool.

I should... What is that another good icebreaker? That you're followed by Trixie on Instagram? Yeah, that is amazing. And sometimes when I remember that randomly, like, dude. Kate Ballantyne. Yep. Messages me last Tuesday.

Is that for Kate? No. Kate and Shell's Kate. Kate and Shell's Kate. I follow her on Instagram. She messages me last Tuesday when all of, the majority of all our shows sold out. Yep.

And she goes, she texts me a screenshot and goes, what a huge achievement. So proud of you. Yeah. And I went, oh, okay, great. And I was driving. That's what came through on the thing. Oh, yep.

And then I get home and I open the text and it's the fact that Trixie had comments on the video. And I was, oh, I thought you meant the shows. And she goes, what? What shows? Yeah. Yep. Lots of people very excited about the show. Tappas.

So excited about the shows. Yeah. Excellent. We are fucking. really excited about them. Yep. A lot of family didn't really give fuck-h-h. No.

Yeah. And that's okay. Guess who fucking called me on Wednesday? Who? My mom. Well, my mom's dead. Yeah. Officially 13 years today, so thanks for bringing another.

She's not coming. Well, neither's mine because she missed out. Shame, maybe. She goes, oh, I went on, this is like, so tickets go on sale on midday, right? Yep. She goes, I went online at about 12 o'clock. And there was heaps left so I didn't worry about it. You were already there.

Why was you just doing? She goes, there was heaps left at 12. They went on sale at 12. Yeah, that's when they were all there. Yeah, they were all available the minute it opened. Yeah, and then a minute later they weren't. Yeah, and then after a few meetings, I went back on and I couldn't get any. She goes, that's a real bummer, isn't it?

And I go, no, a real bummer would be me and Tony paying for a theatre and no I'm fucking turning up. That would be a bummer. That would be way worse. Yeah. Imagine if that happens. That would be significantly worse. This is actually, Mum, a pretty good day. This is actually a great outcome.

A real relief. And everybody that's going to be there is so excited to be there. Yeah. Because they jumped on and bought a ticket straight away, which is so great. Yeah. I got a message from Tim Collins saying, oh, anyone's selling two tickets? I missed out.

I'm like, oh. No. Shame. See you. If you were coming because you wanted to meet Tim, he's not going to be there. Yeah. He doesn't have tickets.

It turns out the only friends and family getting comps were Charles's 75 cousins in Sydney. Yeah, Charles is bringing his whole fucking family. Everyone he's ever fingered in Sydney, he's got an invite. Oh my God. We won't even be able to go on the stage. Yeah, far out.

But no, that's coming up in the next few months and it's going to be a lot of fun. So thank you for people getting around. And I can't believe that we're going. Yeah. It's so fun. It's going to be sick. We're going to get so many status credits. We're going to get so much.

Pussy! Did the girl in Hobart get a ticket, Charles? No, she didn't get a ticket, but she would get a ticket. but she will get a dick it, you know what I'm saying. I know exactly what I'm saying. You and Bridget and Charles and that girl are going to be fucking at the same time. You could do like a four-person thing. That's fun.

Double date. Danny and I will hang out and do our craft for something. Triple date. Danny and I can do our needlepoint. That's what I'll be doing. I'll be fucking scissoring, that's for sure. Sorry, Danny. Sorry, all right.

Congratulations to my mum for being dead for 13 years. Excellent achievement. Unlucky for some. Yeah. Unlucky for some. Yep. Love you. Hey, feeling about it. Love it.

Yeah. Thanks for asking. How did you think I was going to answer that? You know what I'm like? Like, what could the options have been besides shit and nothing else? Hey, feeling about it, pretty shit. Yeah. How do you feel?

Well, you know, it hasn't left them down. It's not really. Yeah, no, slow. That's okay. Is 13 a weird number for you or not because you're a Swifty? Because you know how it's like an unlucky thing, but Swifty's like an unlucky thing, but Swifty's good. Or it just sucks.

She's dead every year. Suck she's dead every year. Yep. I think it just gets further away, which is weird. Like, it just feels so much further away. Like, 10 years was a really big one, which is when we did the, I wrote the letter to my mom and stuff, and that was just like so,

and now it's just like, oh my God, it just gets further away. And I know that that's like how time works, but it's just like to think of not seeing her for that long feels strange. Is it going to be strange? And sorry if this is just the fucking harrowing thing to bring up. No, I love it. I'm doing really well

in six years yeah 20 years but like how I won't be sorry to be math when because you were 19 when she passed away and then it would have been 19 years since so it's like you would have had more time

without her then is that like real eerie and like strange and I think there's another weird um milestone for people that have like lost a parent specifically, that when you get to the age, hopefully, God willing, that I get to the age that she was when she passed away.

How old was she? You, 53, I think. Fuck it's so young. Young. It's fucked up. You kind of get to that age and you're like, I've lived longer than someone who was an adult for my whole life. That was older than me.

Yeah, like they were a grown up and I'm now older than them because they're kind of like frozen at this. That is weird. Yeah. But I don't know Like I know that she's around I mean she threw that toast to me before That can't mean nothing

You know what I mean So true I do miss her so much of course But like I'm so lucky to have known her Yeah the old toast thrower lodge Yeah and that's what they called her Yeah Oh the nickname whisperers is he's back again

So Love you everyone Love you have a good one Bye We're gonna go crying to a steak, Twix and Curly Fry and Golden Gay Time Cinnabon In honour of Liz

I've got to say something the wedge window's back open. I know that it's not supposed to it's not supposed to be open for a while but we're opening the wedge window. Yeah. For six hours only. How many words did you need?

Love you, bye!