Toni and Ryan - Don't piss off a locksmith

Episode Date: April 6, 2022

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Hello? Hi, is that Owen? It is, yeah. Hi, it's Tony and Ryan. Hi, guys, how are you? We're great. We're so great. Thank you.

And I was just wondering, Owen Kilkenny, is it possible to get a more Irish name, please? Oh, man, it might be. It might be. No, I don't think it is And will you approve today's podcast? Absolutely, I'd love to approve today's podcast Hey, this is Owen from Dublin and I approve this podcast Do you have a friend...

Nah. ..that claims to be a friend, that their friendship is actually quite passive-aggressive and a bit cheeky and a bit rude? Oh, I don't know. So last week I had some exams for uni. Oh, fuck off. And Tony Lodge goes, hey, I'm going to choose the movie for you and it's going to be a real treat because I know you've been working hard.

You deserve to watch a movie that you love. Let me choose the movies. I'll deal with it, mate. Coming up in about 15 minutes, you decide, you listening, whether Tony's doing me a favour or, and possibly and, has she taken liberties to have a real crack at her supposed friend Ryan who loves her and takes care of her. Cares of her.

Fucking spoiler alert, you're going to say that I was being really nice because I was. Well, I guess we'll find out soon. We'll get to that in a minute. While I'm all worked up and on my high horse, welcome to the show. My name's Ryan, by the way. I'm Tony. I'm the vice captain of the ship.

I thought we were good friends but apparently not. Tony is the captain of the ship, a comedic genius of a generation. Thank you. An audio queen. What do I normally say? I don't know. I'm just off you. No, no, just then you told me I was a pain in the arse

and passive aggressive. Yeah, no, I changed my tune. I changed my tune. But while I'm all worked up and on my high horse. Yep, we'll take you to the hospital. Tradie websites need to lift and tradies in general need to get their act together. Tradie websites?

It's the digital age. Every business has to have a website. That's fair. Especially a tradie when you're like, the mower's broken. I need a mower. You type in mower in Richmond and the first one that pops up, you click on the button, you go, hey, mate, can you come mow my lawn? You don't have any grass.

Cutting your grass. You don't have any grass. Why are we looking for a mower in Richmond? That was an example. Oh. So during the week, you know how the seasons have changed. Why are we looking for a mower in Richmond? That was an example. Oh. So during the week, you know how the seasons have changed. Did you have a few cold mornings during the week? Oh, it's been frosty.

And it's been getting cooler at night time as well. Do you know, I think, isn't it Dalit Savings this weekend changes? Yeah. The worst fucking weekend of the year. Yeah, it's awful, isn't it? Fuck off. Yeah. So we put the heater on for the first time in six months, you know,

since all of summer. Oh, no. And not only is it not working well, there's water spurting out of it. Well, that's what you don't want. No. On the list of things you don't want to happen, it's that. Do you know where the heater is at my house? No.

It's above where my desk is. So is it like a reverse cycle? Yeah. So did you use it for air con? Yeah, but it must have just been the change of temp. It's kind of my desk is. So is it like a reverse cycle? So did you use it for air con? Yeah, but it must have just been the change of temp. It's kind of wigged out and whatever. And so there's water leaking from that. And that's where my computer and stuff is.

And your huge expensive screen. You've got one of those really nice big curved monitors. Yeah, and a computer as well. And that's where the modem is as well. Like all the cables and cords. And that's where the modem is as well. I just couldn't think of the name. It's just fucking 87 cords.

But there's water like trickling down the wall. Yeah, that's crazy. So I type in like air conditioner, heater, repair, urgent, emergency. Yeah, or just electrician or something. Yeah, because I'm like there's actually water in your cables. Yeah. Like. Yeah.

Yeah, that's legit, right? Yeah, mate, I'm fucking with you. So it says guaranteed within an hour for emergencies. And I'm like, this is an emergency. There's water spurting out of the wall. So I could. Oh. No?

Well, they might not consider that an emergency because you could just turn the heater off. No, no, like, yeah. There's water trickling from the thing when it's... Even when it's off. Yeah. Okay, sorry. I thought you were saying like, oh, well, we need to be warm,

but when we turn it on... I could just put a hoodie on. Put your umbrella up, mate. Have you put a jacket on? Yeah. That's the emergency. So there's water trickling out of it. Okay, yeah.

And so I call them up. I would consider that an emergency. Yeah. And they go, oh, we can't make it out till early next week. Okay, that's longer than an hour, isn't it? So I say. Yeah. Oh, well, actually, it says on your website,

guaranteed within the hour. You did. You were Karen. Well, I just questioned. You Karen'd on the phone. Because the reason I clicked on you and not someone else is because your thing said, guaranteed within the hour. Like, that's why I chose you.

That's what you told me, and I believed you. So I said in more of a curious tone, oh, because it says guaranteed within the hour. Yeah. And then the person goes, oh, yeah, so it's guaranteed if we can make it. Nope. Not what guaranteed means.

Do you know what the word guaranteed means? I think my mate Tony knows what it means. I don't... Do you know what the word guaranteed... I think my mate Tony knows what it means. It means something like... It means that I'll fucking do it. We're going to do it. Hell or high water, it will happen. It's guaranteed. It's guaranteed.

And they charge you, it's like, you know, $89 for them to rock up, but it's $119 for an urgent thing. Now, that's another fucking daylight robbery thing. You can't guarantee it and then go, oh, but, like, we scoop a bit on the top if it's an emergency. Fuck off. And they said, if we're available. And I'm like, hey, I get it that you can't make it.

That's actually fine if you're busy. Yeah. But don't put on your website guaranteed within the hour. You know what? That's false advertising and I would call it ACCC. Thank you. Could you imagine any other businesses that could guarantee something and maybe not deliver?

No? What? Okay, we don't have to. What do you mean? Like what else could be a ludicrous thing that someone could do? Oh, like if you went through, oh, have you ever fucking gone to KFC and they go, oh, we're actually out of chicken. Go fuck yourself.

Has that ever happened to you? There was a shortage during the COVID. Oh, yeah. There was a great chicken shortage of 2020. And, like, so you go through the KFC and they go, oh, actually, we're not making any more chicken. I'm like, okay, well, you shut in two fucking hours. What are you going to do for the next few hours?

Yeah. Like, you don't make mashies anymore, so what the fuck else have you got? Do you reckon we could put on our podcast? Guaranteed episodes Monday to Thursday, but sometimes maybe there won't be if maybe we can't be bothered or something maybe. Guaranteed to make you laugh, asterisk. Might not.

If it's funny. Yeah. We can try that out. Just chuck an asterisk on there. I mean, it would make our, there would be a lot less pressure on us to perform. If we were like, well, there was a disclaimer that you'll only laugh if it's funny. So technically. Yeah.

So there's still water coming out of the heater. Fuck. And he said not till early next week, so I guess I'll see you next Tuesday. Yeah. I can just, yeah, pop an umbrella up, all good. Yeah. How's the tradies going at your place? No, well, so we had a tradie at our house a couple of weeks ago,

and one of the locks on the back door was, like, stuck. So you couldn't get out? It just, like, wouldn't shut all the way. And we were like, so during winter, during summer it was okay, but like it's getting colder. We were like, we need to fucking sort it out. Otherwise it's just like a draft of fucking cool air coming in all the time. And hey, you know what?

I don't think you need to justify having your back door being out of close, especially with John the lurking cat in your fucking mist. Exactly right. He's the least of your worries coming in your back door. The neighbour's cat. Makes me allergic. We have to have the door shut all the time. Anyway, so we get on to the real estate agent.

They organise a locksmith to come and this guy, he calls and he goes, hi, I'm looking. And I'm like, hello, Tony Loves Me. And he goes, oh, no, I'm looking for Tony. And I was like, yep, like this is she. This is me. Like who are you? Like, what do you want?

Yep. And he's like, oh, hi, sweetheart. Oh, not a good start. Hi, sweetheart. Sorry, I was expecting a bloke. Okay. Well, luckily I've learned how to use this contraption called a fucking iPhone and I can, you know,

open my own phone calls. Did you remind him who called who in this transaction? I'm like, you fucking called me. Oh, I was expecting this. You called me, mate. Yeah. It does what it says on the tin. Well, I was expecting a trader who wasn't an arsehole.

So I guess we've both been mistaken today. Oh, wow, so you're a locksmith and a cock. Awesome. Cocksmith. Hey, a cocksmith. Yeah, great. Yeah, awesome. Cox me. Hey, Cox me. Yeah, great. Yeah, fucking. A common trade.

Righto, sweetheart. Yeah. Oh, I was expecting a bloke. And I was like, okay. He's instantly like, my back is up because I'm like, what do you want from me, bro? He's like, oh, well, yeah, I'm the locksmith that's coming today. Where should I park?

Now, for privacy reasons, obviously, we don't say this on the podcast. Just kidding. Ryan says it every fucking day. But I live right near quite a big shopping centre. Yeah. Literally across the street. I'm not exaggerating. There's a sign out the front.

There's 2,000 car parks there. Yeah. Yeah. He rings me and he goes, I'm out the front. Where should I park? And I was like, oh, I don't have any parking to offer you. We're in a small apartment. There's no parking.

Like I'm in an apartment. Like we don't have spare visitor spots or anything. If only there was some kind of place where you could park across the street. And an hour is free. Yeah. Like, so it's not as if it's 60, it's not a Wilson parking where it's $16 an hour and whatever. Free parking for a few hours.

Yeah. Yeah. It's free parking. Like, and as if you wouldn't go into Coles and get yourself a little Mars bar as a treat afterwards and then it's free parking for fucking three hours or whatever it is. Yeah, great.

Anyway, or you're at work, claim it on tax. Tell your fucking boss about it. It's not my problem. That's, where am I going to park? That sounds like your problem. I actually can't. I've got a broken lock. Yeah.

You've got a car. We're both trying to sort out our own problems. Yeah. Let's get to that. Yeah. Anyway. I'm paying you for this? Literally.

Anyway, so he goes, oh, well, where am I going to park? And I was like, oh, I'm really, and I was immediately, oh, I'm really sorry. I don't actually have, I can't offer you any parking. And like outside of our thing is like a tollway zone. You can only stop there for two minutes, like get in a taxi. And that's it. And it's pretty brutal out there. It is. Anyway, so he goes, well, where am I going to park?

And I was like, there's actually at the shopping centre, there's heaps of parking. And if he needed to bring in a whole new door, a bit different. A bathtub? He literally was bringing like a toolbox. Like it wasn't a lot of stuff. And he actually had it on a trolley. One Allen key and a pick.

And a spare key. So, you know, it was on a little, like, collapsible trolley thing. So, like, it. You could have just walked across the street. It was all good. Let's get serious. It was all good. Now, knowing you, Tony, as much as rightfully you'd be like,

mate, fucking lift, I'm sure you would have been very accommodating, very like, there's a car park across there. If you go into the left, there's always a spot. I can meet you at the front door. I can come meet. I was being really, I wasn't just like, bro, figure it out. There's a car park across the road. I was like, oh, so if you go into the shopping centre,

there's heaps of spots. You'll be fine. It's fucking 11am on a Tuesday. It's not a fucking hot shopping time. Anyway, and he goes, no. And he was like, I'm sure that you've got a gate that you can open and let me in. And I was just like, I'm really sorry.

There's actually no parking down there. We don't have visitor spots. And I've said before about how brutal the parking situation is because I'm in the Facebook group for all of our buildings and if you park in someone else's spot, there is a post within three minutes of someone being like, move your fucking car out of my spot. And it's just not the right thing to do because can you imagine how angry I would be if I drove down into the garage

and there was like a tradies ute parked in my spot? I'd be like, there's a whole shopping centre across the road. Why didn't you park there? The only thing that annoys me more in this story than the locksmith is the, both the speed and aggression of your apartment building Facebook page. It is insane. It is wild. It is so intense.

Anyway, so he goes, just let me in. And he's getting a bit arcy. And because he's getting a bit arcy, I'm getting a bit fucking arcy as well. And he's like, I'm sure you've got a door key. You can just let me in. And he's getting like really fucking condescending and I didn't like it. No, I don't like it either.

No. And he goes, just come and let me in. And I was like, I actually don't have a spot to offer you. You're going to have to park across the road. Like, I'm really sorry. You're going to have to carry your Allen key. Across the fucking street. You're not a fucking engineer bringing a bridge over.

You're changing a lock, mate. Anyway, and then he ends up hanging up on me. What? I know. It was so brutal. He hangs up on me and then, like, 15 minutes later, he calls me again. He's like, oh, so I finally got downstairs.

later he calls me again. He's like, oh, so I finally got downstairs. He sat at the top of our gate and waited for someone else to leave so that the gate would be open, tailgated them in, which is fucking illegal. Yeah, and rude and fucked. And probably trespassing or something. Yeah, 100%. And fucking tailgated them in and followed them down into the thing.

Into the underground thing. Yeah. Just to find a random spot. And just like parked in the way of stuff. And then he was like, I'm finally downstairs. And I was just like, oh, where have you parked? He's like, I've parked in your spot. You don't have a car, blah, blah, blah.

Because he thought that they all correlated to like our apartment number, which they don't. They're just random numbers. It's random numbers. So that people can't do that. So if your apartment number, which they don't. They don't. They're just random numbers. It's random numbers so that people can't do that. So if your apartment number is whatever, he's seen that same number downstairs written on a wall and goes, oh, if I can just park here.

That's obviously her spot, which it isn't. It's not. Anyway, and I was like, hey, I'm so sorry you're going to have to move. He's just like, can you just come and fucking let me in? And I was like, I was so pressed. I was really upset. So then I sent Torbs down there. He's parked in a random spot.

Are you within your right to contact a real estate agent and go send someone else? This guy's an arsehole. Well. Like it's getting to that stage. It was a lot. Yeah. Anyway, and then like Torbs ends up going and finding him.

He was on a totally wrong floor, totally in the wrong spot. Yeah. Anyway, we end up letting him in. He comes in and I was on a meeting and then afterwards I went out there. I was like, oh, sorry, I was in a meeting. Thanks for coming. Do you want a coffee or something? Because I'm like, I've got to be polite to this guy.

He's in my house. And you know the kind of fucking traitor you don't want to fuck off? A locksmith. A fucking locksmith. Because they can come into your house and kill you afterwards. And they know where you live. Exactly. And how to get the fuck in.

Yeah, that is the least of my problems. He can get in. Fuck, yeah, that's the worst. Yeah, they've got a lot of power over you. Exactly. So I go out there and ask him if he wants a cup of coffee or whatever and he was like, no. And I was just like, what?

And then Torbs offered him a coffee and he said yes and that really fucked me up. What? Anyway, so he, like, sorted it all out. And then the goal of the company being, like, a couple of days later, sending out their form email being like, oh, it seems that someone from our team has blah, blah, blah. Would you like to leave a short survey?

Yeah, I fucking would. I didn't. Oh, Tony, no! I chickened out. Hope he doesn't listen to this. This is your review, mate. I didn't have 30 seconds for a survey, but I do have eight minutes for a podcast.

Hey, this is Owen from Dublin, and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. You're listening to the Tony and Ryan podcast. It does us a massive favour, believe it or not. If you regularly listen to the podcast, if you hit on whatever app you're on, follow or subscribe or leave a review for some reason. A little rating. Yeah, for some reason it, like, helps the algorithm and helps us get found by other people. So if you feel like doing your mates Tony and Ryan a favour,

go and do that. Yeah. Oh, me. A big thank you to a few of our champion tapas. Because you get more quality, slick productions like this. Yep. Sorry, I'm stressed about the locksmith. Well, he knows where you live.

Yeah. He knows you're a podcaster. He knows the name of your podcast and knows how to break into your front door. Right. And knows how to get into the building. Well, he won't be able to find a fucking parking spot. A big thank you to a few of our champion tapas, Melanie Crabtree,

Megan B, Travis Ledoux, and Cindy Mercado. Cindy Mercado, welcome. Happy birthday, Cindy, for the 8th of April, which is technically tomorrow. Yep. Well, not technically, it is. Sorry, but as we record, like it's the 7th today, it's tomorrow, it might be a surprise to hear your own name, Cindy Mercado,

because your husband, Raph, has bought you this as a gift. So he's bought the Patreon as a gift. Part of her gift is a champion tarpa ship on our Patreon. That means they get a video as well. Yep, so we're going to work on the video. It's coming. But Raph has very kindly set this up for his wife. So Cindy, happy fucking

birthday. You'll love to see it and good to see you. And before you ask, he has already informed me that he will be giving her the account. Never using it again. It is hers. I was going to ask. I know you were because I can see it on looking at you. I hope fucking Raph doesn't plan on using this account himself. That sounds like freeloading. Yeah, you look as fucked off as I did with the locksmiths.

I could tell it was coming. Hey, we're like Netflix, cracking down on passwords. Exactly right. And you've got to. It's a fucking big bad word out there, mate. You can't bloody fuck around with sharing passwords. So this week for our film. Do you want to tell people what you've done?

So this week for our film. Do you want to tell people what you've done? I actually resent your tone because I tried to do something really nice for you and I thought it was nice but you have obviously taken it wrong. You've been very busy, as we have talked about a few times. You've been really busy, mate. I was doing an exam about Domino's pizza. That sounds like a joke. It's not.

Okay, but let's give yourself a little bit more credit. You weren't doing an exam about Domino's. You weren't at Domino's University. Domino's University. They probably have some internal program called that. Like Subway University. Yeah. Or is it Bovine University in the Simpsons?

Where they learn how meat's made? That's funny. Have you not seen? No. Lil Timmy? Anyway. That's a real shame. So I decided to take something off your plate.

I said that I would post the movie poll. So every single week in the Patreon, we post what the category is with four or five options for what people might like to watch. What was the category is with four or five options for what people might like to watch. Yeah. What was the category last week? The category last week was movies where animals can talk. Yep.

And then this week I said, mate, don't you worry about it. I'll take care of this. You said you've been working hard. I'll pick some of your favourites. I'll deal with this for you. And I said, I can do it. The category was shit movies Ryan likes. Okay.

Can you see from the very first word there was a bit of tone coming back my way. You're just realising that now, aren't you? Yeah, I am. I forgot that I called it that. Thanks, mate. Yeah, but where am I going to park my car? I'm on my way up.

The description was, hello, it's Tony from Tony and Ryan, and I'm doing this week's movie poll because Ryan is so busy with his exam. Wish him luck. And I thought it would be so cute if I organised a few of his fave movies to watch after my very good category last week. So the theme is Ryan and shit movies he likes. Okay, he did shit movies twice.

The options were Interstellar because he loves long movies by Christopher Nolan. The second option was Inception because he loves thrillers that I don't understand by Christopher Nolan. See, I feel like you're giving a review and you're judging them before people have even had a chance to vote. You're swaying the jury and I would never sway the jury in a movie vote.

You actually have many times. Blasphemy. Because when I wanted to watch Twilight, you put a different movie on the thing, Tenet, and you said, please pick this. I don't want to watch Twilight. And last week when I wanted to watch Madagascar or Racing Stripes, you commented, Tony Housen's in The Lion King,

swaying the votes to Lion King. I don't think when I said, please choose this one, that counts as swaying. That's a bit vague. That could mean anything. Mate, you're talking about not appreciating people saying the word guaranteed. Figure it out. Okay, right. All right. And then I said options 11.

Options 11 because he loves a movie with a heist. I do love a heist. Training day because he loves a good movie with corrupt police. Yep. And primal fear because he loves a crime thriller. I will just put an asterisk on Training Day. I'd say like an undercover cop, maybe not a bad cop. Oh, okay. And Training Day is, have you seen Training Day? No. I mean, Denzel Washington, great performance, but it is heavy.

Right. Great choices though. Without the commentary, great choices. The reason I did the commentary actually is because I wanted to show how well I know you. And I'm fucked off that you do so well. Because I'm actually a bit cut because I thought you would really appreciate that I know you so well.

Is it possible to appreciate that you know me well, appreciate the choices but not like the commentary at the same time, or is it one or the other? No, I guess it can be both. But I thought that you would have, because I said that I would organise it. I could have put five movies that I love that I knew you would fucking hate and like Twilight again. I was surprised that I didn't see Twilight. I was surprised I didn't see a Geordie Shore reunion movie

special spin-off or something. Rugrats the movie. But instead, oh, I mean, Search for a Reptar is a fantastic movie. That's the first Rugrats movie. Rugrats in Paris, oh, my God, all good. Rugrats and the Wild Thornberries, that's very good too. I love the Rugrats. Oh, so good.

Yeah. Anyway, but. You're a bit of an Angelique though. Angelica, you fuck face. That's what she would say. You stupid baby. So who won? Ocean's 11.

Great. We're all winners. Everyone's a winner. I was really glad that everybody picked the shortest, even though it is still two hours long, that it was the shortest. It moves. It's pacey though.

It is quick. But I did think that there was lots of places where they could have, you know, chopped down, and that might be my radio background talking because you've got to cull a lot of stuff. So what didn't you like? I just thought that there was areas where it could have been cut down a little bit and it could have just, like, moved a bit quicker. But actually I've seen the movie before.

I really liked it. I'll tell you what's crazy. Yeah. That Matt Damon, who is the Bourne identity and like really confident and does all this stuff, is so good at playing the like sheepish new kid. And that he's like, oh, don't leave me in the van. And they're like, you've got to do your time kind of thing. He's like this fuck up kid.

Yeah. And I love, I mean, they're obviously great actors, George Clooney and Brad Pitt, but them together for some reason. There's some like fucking something feels right in the universe watching them together, doesn't it? It really does. One thing I never noticed until I watched it last night, and I know I just got on my high horse,

but after a long busy week, finishing up and going, oh, I'm going to watch Ocean Eleven. Thank you. You're welcome. Thank you. See, and that's what I wanted to do. I wanted you to finish your, and this is exactly what I imagined, right? You order pizza.

You go and pick it up. Got Indian. Yeah, I know. You're sitting on the couch with a whiskey. Correct. That's what I had. And BJ and your wife, Bridget, you're all sitting on the couch. You're now, correct it, Indian.

You're watching this movie and that you fall asleep just before the end. And I thought you're going to love that. You are going to fucking love falling asleep to one of these movies that you love. Thank you. And that is what I wanted to create for you. I stayed awake, which is good because last week I fell asleep mid-movie then woke up on the couch halfway through the night

and fucked my sleep patterns for a week. And then your REM cycle. Yeah, it's all over the shop. It's all over the shop. One thing I didn't notice until last night, and I have seen this movie a lot, I'm pretty sure Brad Pitt is eating in every single frame he's in. Oh, my God.

What a way to live. What a lord. A king amongst men. Go back and watch it. And if anyone else ever watches it again, and you don't have to watch it today, but like, you know, it's one of those movies that pops up in your life from time to time. Yeah.

Every single scene, he's just like. That's really funny. Eating a chip, having a drink or something, got a little smoothie or a coffee or like got a napkin and just like, you know, just wiping his way, his mouth. Because he's every single. At the end, he's eating like a Philly cheesesteak when he gets George Clooney out of prison.

Spoiler. That's the clincher. They're like, oh, fuck, is he going to get a Philly cheesesteak? Yeah, that's a spoiler. They're like, what foods are going to be? I quite like the movie. I think it's like pretty light and pretty fun. And obviously no spoilers because this movie came out a fucking billion

years ago. So like get over it, dickheadhead if you haven't seen it but the end fucking sends me i forgot what happened like not what happens but i knew that they obviously like got away with it yeah but i forgot that like the cameras were all the van switch. It's so good, isn't it? It fucking. It is so satisfying to watch. And I'm sitting on the couch like, what are they going to do? And Tom's like, you've seen this movie before. How are they going to get out?

They're stuck in a vault. Like, why would they call them and tell them they're downstairs? Like, it's, but it's so fucking good. Like, the movie's actually great. Jessica, Julia Roberts is fucking fantastic. And oh. I'll tell you a scene that's like undervalued is the heavies who like get sent to beat up George Clooney and just like fights with himself for ten minutes.

Yeah, because he's just like he helps him up into the roof. Oh, how's your wife? Oh, good. And he punches him in the face like not yet. He's like, oh, sorry, boss. He's like, you weren't supposed to actually hit me in the face. Do you think watching that, though, and I thought this about the movie 21, that's about when they do the card counting and whatever,

is that, like, they make it look real easy and you're kind of like, after we do the podcast tomorrow, me and Tony could probably roll Crown Casino. Yeah, you do think that. You absolutely can't. You just walk in and you say stuff. You're talking about multiple decks that get fucking put in, put out, like, and then, oh, do you mean counting cards? No, I just mean rolling the casino.

Okay, nope. I didn't get that. I mean, either. No, no, no. Are you serious? Well, they just make it look so easy. You just walk in and you're Brad Pitt. You eat a Philly Cheesesteak.

You call the guy. You walk out with the cash. See, you're halfway there, mate. I could do theek's cheesesteak, you call the guy, you walk out with the cash. See, you're halfway there, mate. I could do the Philly cheesesteak. Yeah. Yeah, nice. Do you know what also, because when did this movie come out, like early 2000s?

15, 20 years ago, yeah. The most early 2000s or late 90s thing about that movie is when they walk out of the fight and the phone starts ringing and the guy says to Julia Roberts, are you going to answer that? And she goes, I don't have a cell phone. I was like, oh, righto. You're like, why? Did your mum and dad take it off you?

Yeah, that threw me as well. And then it's like in her coat and George Clooney has slipped it in earlier. I was almost waiting for my phone's back in the room. Yeah, my phone died. He's very Ryan John, like that can't be mine. My phone's on silent. Yeah, and she's like, I don't have a cell phone.

I was like. You're married to a billionaire. It takes two except for that. Oh, can you Google this real quick? Yeah. Can you? Oh, I'll be happy to. Vladimir Klitschko, Ocean's Eleven.

And if this is wrong, I'm sorry for dragging this whole podcast down. The actor? Yeah. Yes. Okay. So in the actual fight, you know how it's fight night in Vegas in the movie? Yes. Yeah.

So Lennox Lewis, who's a real legit heavyweight champion, like the boxer is playing himself, he's fighting Vladimir Klitschko in the movie. Vladimir Klitschko went back to Ukraine to fight in the war like now. Oh. So the actor in that movie, he's not an actor, he's playing himself, he's a boxer. He's like, I'm a strong man, I'm going to go fight for my country.

And so I saw him in the movie and I was like, oh, I saw him on the news the other day. Oh, my God. That's amazing. Is that a good fact? Oh, that's a great fact. Because every time I have a movie fact, you're like, I've heard it already.

Oh, don't make me sound like a dickhead. Okay. I've heard it already. No, don't make me sound like a dickhead. Okay. I've heard it already. No, that's a great fact. Wow. Can you imagine, and I know it's like obviously a very heavy topic, he's like 6'8 and a prize fighter and you're in a war and you're like, oh, we need to like go and take over that building and you walk in

and it's Vladimir Klitschko. Yeah, and you go, hey, mate, loved you in Ocean's Eleven. We've got to go. Please don't hurt me. I saw it in Lennox Lewis. What's Brad Pitt like? Did you get a phone? What was the Philly cheesesteak like?

Did you also get a Philly cheesesteak or was that only for Brad Pitt? Is it true Julia Roberts didn't have a phone? How funny is it when George Clooney's fighting that other guy? Anyway, shit luck with the war. Hope your side loses. Yeah, see you, mate. Good on him. What a lord.

No, you just said that he's fighting for the Ukraine. No, like because the Russian that's like storming in. Yeah, so he's fighting for the Ukraine. We want them to win. Yeah, so the Russian gets scared and then as he's leaving Vladimir, he goes, all right, have a shit day. Hope you lose. Sorry. I thought you meant we're half a side. Yeah, so the Russian gets scared and then as he's leaving, Vladimir goes, all right, have a shit day. I hope you lose. Sorry.

I thought you meant we're half a side. Oh, no. Whoa. A bit of editorial coming through. No. No, no. We're pro not killing people here. I would have thought that was obvious.

But now that you've said that, I see how you could have been confused by my just throwaway comments. All right. Well, to fucking. You know what I love to see? Not what I almost said. Yep. Okay. So to right your wrongs there. I've got one right. Well, to fucking... You know what I love to see? Not what I almost said. Yeah. Okay.

So to right your wrongs there... I've got one here. Oh, okay. Things you love to see? Yeah. The TV show Minx. In Australia, it's on Stan. In the US, it's on HBO Max, I believe.

So you know the guy that plays... What's it? Jake in New Girl? Yeah. You know how I've only just discovered New Girl? Yeah. And you haven't even finished it yet. You've been watching it for fucking New Girl. Yeah. You know how I've only just discovered New Girl? Yeah, and you haven't even finished it yet. You've been watching it for fucking three years. Yeah, so Jake is obviously a hilarious character.

Yeah. And I just love his shtick. So you mean Nick Miller in the show, but his name is Jake in real life? Yep. Oh, is it? His name is Nick in the show. Oh, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that guy.

So he... Jake Johnson, I think, is his name. It's set in, like, the 70s. Yeah. And he's, like, this young up-and-comer, like, Hugh Hefner wannabe who runs these, like, nudie magazines. Yeah. And the main character is this girl.

It's Ophelia Loverbond is her name. Ooh. But it's, like, they've all got afros, the big flared pants. Like Bell Bottom. Yeah. It really takes you back. And he's so funny in it. You weren't alive.

I wasn't alive. God, it takes you back to the good old days. I've got the guys wearing, like, platform heels at the disco and shit. And I have never seen so many dicks in a TV show. Oh. And I'm not talking about, like, a naked bottom. I'm talking dicks. I like that because you only ever see women exposed on TV.

So I actually love to see that people are like, let's fucking bring up this average of like, let's not just make women the objects, let's objectify everyone. So he was objectifying just the women and the story is they're like, oh, let's flip the script and do the opposite. And so you actually see them auditioning dicks. Audictioning. Or dictioning. Or dictioning.

And we're talking. So every time I went and saw mum during the week and every time we catch up, oh, what shows are you watching, blah, blah, blah. And I go, have you seen Minx? And she goes, oh, yeah. Bit much for Mandy, wasn't it? There was a lot in that first episode, wasn't there? Mandy watching the Handy.

Yeah, wow. Goodness. Poor mum. I do recommend Minx. It's actually very funny and clever. And if you like some dicks... You're backing in a recommendation. I'm backing in the dicks. Okay. Tell me I'm wrong next week.

Okay. But you will. Okay. Alright, very excited. I've got a bit more of a heartwarming, you love to say it. Oh, great. So, students at a... I saw this reel, you might've seen this this week. Students at a Westside elementary school in California have created a free telephone hotline where you can listen to uplifting messages delivered by kids. And I'm going to play a little bit of audio from the reel. And this is a young

girl. She kind of looks like 20 something and she's listening to the hotline, like the kids hotline. Be grateful for yourself. Be you. I trust that you'll be making it work. Try it again. Believe in yourself. It's okay to be different. Always stay together.

So it's like these little kids, and you can hear their little voices, and they're all saying, like, be happy, be you. It's okay to be different. But it's just these little kids that have can hear their little voices and they're all saying like, be happy, be you, it's okay to be different. But it's just these little kids that have made this free hotline that you can call for like little pep-ups if you want them. That's the cutest thing ever. It is so adorable. Have you called for a pep-up? It's in America.

Yeah, so but I've got the... If someone could call it, record it and then play it to Tony while she's in the waiting room at the osteopath. Oh, that's a good idea. You are an athlete. You deserve to be here. Yeah, you didn't get covered in bliss ball. You're not a waste of medical insurance.

But, yeah, I thought that was so sweet and just so nice that people are doing something nice and just genuine for other people and little kids as well. How cute are kids? That is so cute. You love to meow. Love you. Bye.

See you next week.