Toni and Ryan - Don't Use The Kettle In Your Hotel Room

Episode Date: September 27, 2026

MKR - Buying a BBQ - What you've stuffed up - love ya!!!!!Tell us what you reckon in the episode thread in our FACEBOOK GROUPWatch and subscribe on YOUTUBECheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan and get in the group chat with us!!!Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

And he realizes why the coffee was bad. No. For months, he'd been going to the pub at night, stumbling home, then in the kettle and not changing the water. Hey, this is Anzley from Chicago in the US. Hi, this is Rowan. I'm Professor Albert from Lancaster, UK. Hey, it's Pamela from Prithwest in Australia. And I approve this past.

Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. This is Dr. Author, best-selling Dr. author Tony Lodge. My name is Ryan. Coming up today, a lot of tarpers have sent in stories about they thought they were eating this, but they were actually eating that. The other day, I got some beautiful sweet custard mixed up with some sour cream. Isn't that a surprise when you're not expecting it?

Yeah, and it is. So in solidarity, some people have gone, oh, let me share. So that's coming up soon. But obviously I'm excited because it's a Monday. It's a new week. We're getting to be back in the podcasting chairs, as it were. Feels nice. But you cannot wipe the fucking smile off my face because guess what today is?

MKR starts tonight. Yeah! Oh my God. AFL season might be over, but my season's here. I love MKR so much. That's my kitchen rules for those playing along at home. I'm so fucking excited. Give me the two sentence explanation of what MKR is.

Oh, it's so much bigger than that, mate. If you think you can top it in two sentences, I mean, you're already too far behind. It is a cooking competition show. Yep. At the crux, that is all it is. But the first few weeks, they call it instant restaurants. Yep.

And like I set up my house like a cute little dinner party and all the other contestants come to my house and the celebrity judges. And you cook for them and then they all score privately. And they go around the country of Australia. Yeah. And they go to everybody's house. So it's like there's contestants from Perth, contestants from Brisbane,

Darwet, like wherever they're from. And do you pick a favourite or do you feel like you go for the Perth one by default or where you're at? It depends. It depends. I think that I'm always, whenever the Perth ones come up, I'm like, do we know them? Yeah. Because Perth is that small.

Yeah. What school did you go to? But, yeah, so there's always like a bit of a thrill for a second and be like, oh, do we recognize anybody? Yep. Oh, I'm so excited. I'm so very excited. Can we?

It's the only free to, apart from like, we watch. sunrise in the morning while we're getting ready for work or whatever. But it is the only like free to air show that I commit to. Yeah, that for me is the block. So this is your block. Yeah. Yeah. I'm so fucking excited.

Can we get some weekly recaps? Yes. It's a little vlog at home or do you want to bring your stories into the show? I did think maybe IG stories. The only thing about doing it on Instagram is that I do have to think of my fellow Perthians that haven't seen the episode yet. Because, you know, you get the. winner for Big Brother ruined for you once in 2007 and you're never the same.

I've got some advice. Yeah? Be really slow at editing. So the show ends and then you're like, well, the time I edit this and put it together, that might take me two hours. Or if I do it straight away and then schedule for two hours later, technology, man. You will not read about it. You'll just see it.

Technology is pretty crazy. Yeah. Oh, my God. Wild. Does that sound like, did you hear police zone? No. No. Oh, that's strange because Detective Duns on the scene.

You really had me going there. Yeah. Okay. I'm so happy for you in MKR. Thank you. I know Charles is just sitting there like looking so mad about MKR. I don't know why you don't like it. It's the best show.

It's so good. And I'm glad that you've brought some joy to my day because I've had a rough weekend. Oh, no. We're in the market to get an outdoor barbecue. Oh, you're welcome. Yeah. Tony's got a barbasket. And I was like, this is for me.

Summer's coming up and I'm like, I'm going to be standing out there, flipping burgers, having snags, maybe some onion on there for other people. I don't fuck with onion. Question. Yeah. Are you looking at solo barbecue? No. Or are you going like...

A kitchen. So it's going to be... A kitchen. A kitchen. Ah. It's going to be a long bench. Yep. A barbecue kind of built into one side.

and a fridge built into the, like built in the other side. We're not getting the sink. They can add on anything and it just, oh, did you want the pizza cooker? Oh, did you want the this? And did you want that? And they've also got double opened fridge with a sink. We found one with a, you put a keg underneath and it's got a tap.

They're so cool. Oh, fuck, I wanted that so bad. You should do that. No, but like, I'm on this website and it's like, yeah, that looks good. Add, add, add. It's like when I go on the Porsche website and you build the car and you go, you know what? I will take the moonroof and the black mag wheels. Yeah.

And then it goes, I go, you go, close the line. Close the tab. Yeah. And they go, do you want to save this quote? I go, nah. It's all right. I'll build it again next week. Now, on our deck out of the back.

So you're not doing the sink. We're not doing the sink. Can I? The sink is awesome. We've got a sink. But here's the thing. Rich people chat. I'm so sorry.

But we do have the sink outside. I think my issue is, is that I want the bench space. and the trade-off is, you know what I mean? Yeah, we've got both. What? We've got both. Because our bench goes both sides. Yeah.

So our barbecue is in the middle and then like the bench over the side because that's where the fridge is. But then on the other side, there's bench space and the sink. Yeah, I just think, because I love mixing drinks. Yeah. And I'm thinking like the tray with the meat and stuff. And I like, I like a big lot of bench. So that was sort of the. Nah, I get it.

And the kitchen's not that. Like, it's just, it's going to be just off the kitchen. And so we're like, oh, yeah. And so we're sort of making these decisions, we're going on all the websites. Totally. And then we go, let's, okay, we think we're getting pretty close to what we're liking. Awesome.

Let's go see it in person. Oh, yeah. Do they just have it in stock and you just. No, you have to make a booking to go and see a barbecue. Come to my house, look at it for free. Anytime. We're open 24, Seb. You have to book a time in on the weekend.

Is it because they're cool? cooking you a barbecue while you're there and they need to know your dietries. That would be great. What time is going to get you in and did you want onions? You go, yeah, yeah, gluten-free bread please. Yeah. No onions. I'm doing low fod map because I'll keep shit myself.

Now, here's where Detective Duns on the case because the whole fucking industry needs to get its fucking shit together. A booking, like what? At the bunnings? What do you mean? Like, at the barbecue place. Like at barbecue, I've been to barbecues galore. You don't need a book you. Well, they're for the barbecues, but it's more about the kitchen thing.

because you kind of go in and you go how long's your deck where are you going to put it because they're going to because some are pre-made or some they build them for you but they got to measure you up and blah blah blah

I see. Now here's the issue that needs to be blown the fuck open now I don't want to name this one specific company but let me give you some clues what country are we in? Australia.

Don't say that word. Second word. it's the opposite of indoor Yep And the third word Is barbecues So that's the name of the company I've never heard of that

Is this a fancy girl barbecue place? Well again it's We're still getting The kitchen Yeah Oh okay So it's place not indoor Yeah

Oh sure it's kitchens is the last word Australian outdoor kitchens Oh So anyway Anyway, they go, cool, where are you going to have? Not the A-O-K. Yeah. And so they go, cool, it's going to be on the, we go, yeah, we're going to put it on the decking.

And they go, oh, so not inside. And I was like, no, it'll be outside. It's a fucking barbecue. Of course it's outside. And they go, oh, but it's like under the old fresh go fucking cover or whatever. And I was like, no, we actually don't have that. It's just like open air. Yeah.

No, we can't do that. Insurance won't cover it. like the liability does you know the sun will do damage the rain like can't do it what's lorraine got to do and i said who the fuck is lorraine so they're like they're not they're not weatherproof hang on what's it called again yeah and they was like do you know have you seen the sign the sign out of the front when you drive in each morning and you see that three words across the top do you go i live in that country it's not inside it's a kitchen

has anyone thought about this hey man where do you work yeah oh I work it we make podcasts what do you do

not sure yeah oh it's indoor barbecues yeah that's what we do here oh you're describing a kitchen not an outdoor yeah and so we're like

and then now there's a thing where they Charles don't bring their website up no that's not even the right place because that's Australian outdoor living Oh, but similar. Oh.

But see how they're all like in these little like... Like a cover. That one's outside. That one's outside. Yeah, fuck. That's nice. Is that what you're getting? But some of them are like in a cabana, like a little, you know, set up or there's these other

ones where it's like there's a backing and they're actually like a garage door. So for when you're not using it. And then when you're using it, it kind of like flips open and can you, fuck, that's going to be hard to Google, Charles. But there's these ones where you can kind of open it up to use it and then you kind of. Like just the hood part. or the whole thing. The whole thing. Yeah.

It's sort of behind a garage door type vibe. It's like a storage center. Yeah, but the storage is the barbecue and the fridge and stuff. So it's like, oh, it's a sunny day, quick opener up. But when it's rainy and windy, you can cover it up and thus the stuff doesn't get. Like, see like that. Oh, that's sick. But that looks bad though.

Well, it's closed. Because I think the cool thing about ours at home, as you've seen, and ours isn't covered, by the way. Yeah. Like it's, it's, um, but the cool thing about ours is that even when you're not using it, you can like see what's there. That's just like a weird box. Yeah.

When it's closed. But so for what nine months of the year when you're not? I think it's more like the times you're not using it. Yeah, but not like nine months. It's more like I'm cooking for the hour. So I open it up cook and then close it again. Yeah. But for nine months, you're not going to use the barbecue like at all probably.

So it's just like, oh, okay, cool. And this isn't just that company that we're not named. It's like an industry wide. They're like, oh, no, we can't have that outside. Or we've got 15 different options of kitchens. And then we go, oh, cool, it's outside. And we've got no thing. And they go, oh, well, that takes out that 13 options.

So it's only between this one or that one. And you just go, what the fuck is going on on this industry? And I'm here to blow it wide open. Not fucking good enough. Not fucking good enough. That just doesn't make any sense to me. And the countertop, they go, oh, do you want to this one? Yeah, we can't have that outside.

What? Then maybe put that in Australian indoor kitchens. Because you don't know where you work. So what's your options? Not fucking much. This guy just comes and spits on you. And then you cook inside on the pan, I think, is where we're at. You buy an electric frying pan from Kama.

You put that on the table outside. So we found these local people that have done some stuff. Oh, sick. And we go this and that. And then so you have these really awkward conversation. And we go, hey, I know we just talked about barbecues and an outdoor bench and like, sorry to have to ask this, but like, can we put it outside? And they, you know, you feel like a fucking idiot asking. And the guy goes, oh, no, I get it because everyone where you use us the same thing because it feels like everyone does what you do.

They Google it. They hit those top five links. Yeah, they go online. They go, that looks great. Can we get that? Oh, no, you can't get that one there. And even the fridge where? Because your fridge faces east.

and then you've got the undercover bit. Don't talk to me about fucking compass. Yeah, I know. But I'll, I'm just, let me think out loud. You don't take this on. Your fridge faces east. And then the way it's facing it, it's facing where you sit under the thing, right? Yeah.

So. At Easter. Is that what we say? No. So if your fridge is like indirect sun, the fridge has to work overtime to keep stuff cold. And sometimes the fridge is like, oh, no, too much. That's too hard for me. And I go.

You're an outdoor fridge. Your fridge. Oh yeah, I just don't like direct sun or being in the warm because it makes it harder to keep stuff cold. I'm like, I get it. That's why I bought you. Well, it's crazy out there. But anyway, we found, like, finally we find someone and they're like, yeah, no, people ask all the time and it's all good because we use this fucking type of whatever material and it's all good and there's a warranty and all gee. So I just, I cannot believe that you can't put it outside.

Yeah. So we. That is just that is. That is, I am so gobsmacked. To backtrack, we made a booking. To be told that your outdoor kitchen can't be outside. And we rock up and he goes, cool, so undercover, we went no. And he goes, oh, we don't have anything.

And we went, oh. And then that was the, then we just left. What was the conversation in the car? Like when, so you and Bridge get back in the scot. Bridget apologized profusely because she was like, I've organized your mum to take care of Mabel. I've said, hey. Because you think you're going to be in there for an hour.

or two. It wasn't close. So we drove all the way out there to a book. And she's like, it's not just like, I wonder out. It's like, no,

we've got a 10 am. booking on it. And everyone he was fucking making fun of me. Like, oh, I've got a hot reservation on the weekend at fucking schmattco. Rimes with. Strak.

And there, so we literally walk in and they go, oh, no, and we went, oh. And he goes, so. Thanks, though.

Did you want like a fence? Because we do those? And we're like, no. And he's like, okay, we'll have a great day. and then we both got to the car and just went What's just how? Should we go out for breakfast?

Like, what do we? We've got like, Mabel's with mum. We're out. We're dressed, you know? Yeah. Should we do something?

Anything? Yeah. And then you were like, oh, how's the thing? And I'm like, shut the fuck. Don't talk to me about it.

Yeah, I've been a bit defensive about it, but that's why. I understand. And he made us feel like, oh, you want to put an outdoor kitchen outside. Oh, sorry.

Oh, what do you want to jump on the moon? as well. Obviously newbies to the industry. Yeah. You know what I mean? When you go like, oh, hey, I've just started doing this thing. Like, don't really know much.

They go, how wrong you are. Like, okay, sorry. He goes, tell me about the space and tell me we already looked. And I was like, we've got a decking and this is the first place we've been. And he was like, well, you can't do that. See ya. Punch you in the face. See you.

I would have preferred he punched me in the face because then at least I went for something to happen. That is. insane. Yeah. Can I just say, please. That is not your fault. Like,

no, thank you for saying that. Because I think, thank you for saying that. You've probably spent this time and Bridges well being like, I'm so sorry. I just thought that that would be fine. She was upset.

She felt embarrassed. Well, yeah, I would too. And I'd be like, oh, how dumb that I thought I could put that outside. That is not your fucking fault.

And I was like, oh, how dumb of us to think that we want an outdoor kitchen in Australia, an outdoor kitchen's Australia. is not the place for us. Well, not that you would name them. Not that you would say anything or about Strachco,

but I mean, get your sheet together. But that's not your fault. Thank you. No, actually, thank you. Yeah.

Thank you. I'll text bridge as well and just let a note. That's not your fault. It's not your fault. No, yeah, it's not your fault.

Stop it. You've got to do such a thick American accent. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. Wow. Hey, it's Pamela from Perth, Western Australia. This is Rowan and Professor Albert from Lancaster, UK.

Hey, this is Anzley in Chicago, and you were listening to Tony and Ryan. Ryan. A massive shout out to a few of our champion tarpers. Thank you so much for being part of everything that we do. Keeping the lights on, keeping rich baby Charles employed. Appreciate it. Paul, Ninhchen, binkin. Thank you, Paul.

Rain, good on your rain. Charlie Hall. Stacey Thompson. Stacey Thompson's got it going on. Would you say Stacey's nice? Don't call Stacey. She's a bitch. Alana Grace, good on you, Alana.

Aaron Yao Zheng Wei, thanks Aaron. Mandy Wally. What? Is it that I just moved on? Should we give the full story? It's pretty good. Finish it first. Finish this, finish this.

Oh, Mandy, Wally. Good on you, Mandy. Katie Bowley. Claire Finnamor and happy birthday to Mitch Golding's son, William. It was his birthday yesterday. Willie. We've met him. Lots of times.

Yeah. What I'm in? Inside a chat. Inside a chat. So recently, does people care about like the business of making a podcast? I do. Can I bring you on the inside? Yeah.

So I work here. Recently we've made a few like montages of like here's all the different ways Tony's described a vagina over the last five years. Yeah. Here's all the times Tony said like, oh, show me your. or fucking whatever. Yeah. And they're just really funny and people are loving them.

Yeah. So then the other day... I liked the vagina one. It was... Yeah. It was excellent. And we all learned something. Yeah.

And then we were like, well, what are some other funny montages we can think of? And then I was like, how many times has Tony said, Stacey? She's a bench. And we worked out we're about one short

of a montage. Do me do another one now? No, no. But then, so Charles goes, oh, we've actually got a Stacey coming up for, A champ in tarpa. Do you know what?

Do you know what? When I looked at that fucking, so I keep records of the champion shoutouts that I've done. That's why you can look at them on TapSaid, what.com. I fucking opened that document yesterday and it refreshed and added a thing. You added that, Stacy. Yeah.

That Stacy was out. Yeah, so she was like out of order. She was like in next week and we're like, no, let's get this montage up. I'm going to change your access to that. Yeah. To view only. Yeah.

So then we were like, oh, if Stacy... Charles, you fuck. We're like, if Stacy comes up... I played right into your grubby hands, both of you. But like, if Stacy comes up, naturally, Tony will probably just say that line. And I sang a song and said... And so Charles and I, like, did not say that coming. That's very funny.

And then I said, Stacy is like, nice, hey. Oh, and then I did it. Yeah, and then we went, got her. Dance monkey. Got her. Got her. So you can enjoy that montage. And then. when you see that montage online,

can you please all comment, thank God we got there. Yeah. What do we, or thank God we can finally tell people. If we can finally tell people. Um, yeah,

I mean, how many times have I said it? Like a lot. You know how? One way. But like a lot. I mean, do people not even want that fucking quotes from?

It's like a shit YouTube video. Yeah, and we found it because we had to figure out what it was from as well. Oh. So we thought it was. I say it all the time. Yeah,

we assumed it was, not a cat we were like kath and kim no yeah or like a tricksy and cartia thing yeah no we thought it might have been like a was it summer heights high or maybe oh sure no so it's like this really fucked old youtube video yeah and then we all watched it and we all went Jesus Christ oh hi Stacy but torbs and I say don't call stancy she's a bitch at home all the time yeah that's I was surprised we didn't have enough for a montage although can I say it I think we've stumbled The people from the Yolo video are going to be so happy about that. Don't watch the video, by the way.

It's fucked. It's cursed. It's from like 2007, I think. Like, it's a really old YouTube video. That'll be 20 years old next year. It's older than Charles. Before you were born. Charles wasn't born when the Y2K bug happened.

Charles wasn't born when Nikki Webster performed at the Olympic same year, 2000s. That's crazy. Do you even know who Nikki Webb story is? Yeah, my parents wrote the Olympics. they weren't. That's amazing. They were only 10 at the time. You know how it's really mean to say to someone who is,

I think the scientific term is a bit of a dumb shit. And you'll say like a few clowns short of a circus. Sure, or like a few kangaroos short of top paddock. A few cents short of a dollar. A few cards short of a deck. Yeah. Oh, we're a few Stacey short of a montage. Oh, she's a few Stacey short of a montage.

Yeah, don't call Stacey, she's a dumb. that's funny um a few weeks ago we for dinner had like some Mexican bowls which are really yum which had sour cream yeah bit of guac bit of sour cream then we had a cake like a tea cake kind of thing and we were going to have a dollop of sweet thickened cream it was my job to put the cream on the cake I put the sour cream on the cake it all took us too long to realize they were right next to each other in the cupboard the same brand they looked the fucking same and in solidarity people have said, well, here's some fucked up shit we did. Amazing. By accident.

Because we all do fucked up stuff all the time, but here's stuff that we didn't mean to do. Tapa Lisa. Not to be confused with the Mona Lisa. That's Tapa Lisa. No, that's, I'm Lisa. Lisa, she's a Mona. My hubby accidentally ate dog biscuits that were on the kitchen bench thinking they were chalk chip cookies.

I saw it. Okay, controversy. I saw he was about to do it. And instead of stopping him, I just kept watching because I was intrigued about how this was going to play out. No pun intended, but that's a dog act. To see it, to see it about to happen and not say something, that's dog. Or like, does he realize, is he going to, oh, what, how's he going to? What I will say, though, is I have made dog biscuits at home before from like peanut butter and oats.

Like, it's, they're chill for humans. Like, if you make them yourselves. Yeah, like, whatever. Like, you know what ingredients are. They always smell fucking good. I have never, though, been horny for a store-bought dog biscuit. No. Because they always have, like, fucking salmon extra.

They are, because they're normally to, like, clean dogs' teeth and stuff. Yeah, so no, I wouldn't. I wouldn't fuck with that. But our homemade one, they always do smell awesome. Fuck, yeah. Yeah. Bianca mainwaring. Bianca me off.

Sorry. Are you a bit like on edge? because of the Stacey thing. The Stacey thing. Yeah, I've played right into your hands. And you know how people are like, God, the phones are listening to us. I'm like, no, you're just really predictable. I'm feeling vulnerable about being predictable at this moment in time.

Oh, but we literally fed it to you. Yeah, no, and you fed me the dog biscuit and I ate it. Do you know what I mean? And that's okay. Call me Lisa's husband because I ate the dog biscuit. Played her like a fiddle. Yeah, you did. And I just feel vulnerable about the fact that I'm so predictable.

Tapa Bianca. I put cucumber in my spaghetti once instead of zucchini. Bleh. Do not recommend ruin the whole thing and I was pregnant the time and I cried. I would cry not even pregnant. Yeah. That is so upsetting. Although, now I know we've been flagged a few times on our YouTube channel for being

conspiracy adjacent, but this isn't a conspiracy. It's Jopla Trove. Ryan doesn't know the difference between the two. Oh, so you're in on it. Someone has decided to like play. a little game on us all and just like call cucumbers two different things and imply they're not the same imagine thinking you're so smart that not knowing something is a conspiracy to you that Ryan's like I don't know the difference so it mustn't be real well that no it's not I don't

know the difference they are the same thing if I held up a cucumber and a zucchini you know how I played into your hand before you just like like show me both of them next to each other and tell me the difference They look completely different. They look completely different. What color is a zucchini? Green. What color is a cucumber? Green.

What color's my cardigan? Do you think that's a fucking zucchini? You're fucking ding-dong. No, it's made of wool. It's green. What shape are they? Phallic. Cock.

What color are they? Green. Do they go on spaghetti sometimes? Can you slice them up and eat them? Yes. They're the same fucking thing. No, I hear what you're saying. Sorry, health.com.

Oh, that's a fake website. That sounds real. Who got that 25 years ago? They go, we'll save that domain, health.com. How much would that be worth that? It would sell for so much. Oh, I don't know about that period on the homepage. Eight mistakes cardiologists say you could be wrecking your heart health.

Okay. You're never too young to start wearing compression socks. Are we overdoing it on supplements? Which sauna is the best type for your health? Charles, can you send that to my life? Yeah, I will, yeah. Anyway. So anyway, Bianca, nothing actually to worry about.

Bianca, make it a big deal out of nothing. Mariah. I thought I was eating a handful of cashews, but it was actually a handful of maggots. Not people from Diamond Creek like actual maggots. How did that happen? Sitting outside. A bit of bag.

a maggots? I think they're like in a bowl, just sitting like outside that maybe been sitting there for a long time. That is so disgusting. She said, did not like, but it would have been like, like, like, because they're so. Yeah. Spit them out. Oh, that is fucking disgusting. If you didn't like that, you're not going to like Sarah.

Okay. And I mean, I like Sarah personally. No, it's actually not her fault. She is the victim. Yeah. Of fuckness. Yeah. that's what I mean

everyone here is a victim so true yeah I've seen speaking of victims that have done nothing wrong I saw more of the

the full trailer of the Theranos you watched the full trailer oh my God she still doesn't know she fucked up oh my God nah

and the husband they never realized and the husband oh my Jesus fucking cries Tony and I are obsessed with the Theranos

lady Elizabeth Holmes and the document coming out looks the Nathan fielder 824 doco so Tobs and I've been doing we've just finished all of Nathan for you like all four seasons and because we're trying to like get match fit to watch the doco so we're going to be watching the rehearsal

not on nights that NKR is on obviously but which is every fucking night I think and then mid-October that comes out eh so you watch at the cinema or do you need to sit home and like do you need to be able to pause it and take a breath That's what I mean. Like, I actually just need to take a blocky and, like, get a cup or just like... Or even like, you know, when you're watching something and you pause it and you go,

let's debrief about this bit. Like, you know when we're doing a reaction video? Yeah. And we want to like, be like, Charles, pause it. I need to talk about that. When Bridget and I are watching a mystery or a true crime, and so I was like, that's the guy from the fucking shop. Yes. Yes.

One thousand percent. Yeah, like, I reckon it was her. And like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What's like your early prediction? Yeah. I think you need to be in the comfort of your own home.

Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, sorry. off topic. Sarah. Hi Sarah. I threw up after one sip of coffee. And it took a night on the beers to find out why.

Threw up after a sip of coffee? My partner had been working away for a few months. So I spent the weekend with him at the hotel that he's been staying at. Cute. First morning. I bet you they had sex. Probably. I've heard of it.

First morning, I boil the kettle, make a coffee, take one sip and just went, what? Instant bomb. like what the fuck's gone on there was the milk off stale coffee beans whatever she's like we're going to a cafe i'm going to get some coffees i don't know what the fuck's going on there let's go get some coffees he's got no idea what's wrong with it and we move on with our lives later that night we stumble home from the pub after a few too many beers and i'm like have you got any like food back at the hotel or what do you know what do we do for a late night snack and he

And then he goes, oh, what I normally do. And then he realizes why the coffee was bad. No. For months, he'd been going to the pub at night, stumbling home, then cooking dimsims in the kettle and not changing the water. He flips the lid and there they are. There's little gray chunks of ancient dim sim just bubbling around in the water, the same water I made a coffee with that morning.

He is as dim as he's seen. him. That is diabolical. Getting some fucking... Cabbage fucking... Yeah, it's basically a Shalong Bao in there. But like you're walking home and you go, oh, just pop into the IGA and get some like frozen dimmers and then chuck them in the kettle and just boil them

and then scoop the dimmers out and just leave the water in there. Like for months. That's fucking smart, but disgusting. That's smart. It is pretty smart. Yeah, it's quite clever, actually. Do you know what I thought you were going to say? You know that chick that went viral for like washing her knickers in the coffee machine in the hotel?

No. Oh my God, it was like a year ago, six months ago or something. This chick goes viral. She posts his TikTok and she's like, now if you don't pack enough knickers for a, I travel heaps for work. And if I don't pack enough knickers, here's what I always do. I put my knickers into the part where you would put the pod for the coffee machine, close the lid and then the hot boiling water runs through the.

them and like rinses off like the gossip part of your knickers and everyone was like are you fucked jeanine like what are you talking about so you know other people like use that to drink like and the hotel um came out and they're like they don't get cleaned because we don't think people are doing that you know and then um yeah this chick it's like so she's like yeah i either boil my knickers in the kettle or i run them like through the coffee machine like so fucking up and I thought that you, that's what you were going to say, which is just repulsive. I often use the coffee machine in a hotel room. Yep.

I can't anymore. Because of that. I'm like, ew, what the fuck. I've got someone's pussy juice in my fucking Ness cafe pod. Like, it tastes bad enough. Kick a slut while she's down. Coffee or the, oops. I got to love to see it here from Laurie.

Hi, Laurie. Because you did your annual LinkedIn login last week. I did. I accepted about 350,000 people. And Laurie was one of them. My love to see it is I woke up this morning to see that I'm now connected with Dr. Throat on LinkedIn. The notification. That's so funny.

There it is. Us healthcare workers got to stick together. You love to see it. It's exactly right. Speaking of being a healthcare worker, I have sent two follow-up emails back to Stemwave now. Just following this up, Cynthia. Hey, Cynthia, just wondering about next steps for this one.

I haven't heard anything back yet. That's actually rude because they reach out to you. I'm trying to help their business by putting this product into our doctor surgery. Don't reach out to me. And then ghost me. I know, I feel embarrassed. Did you change your email signature when you emailed her? I just signed off a note, left it the same, but then at the bottom I said Dr. Lodge.

Okay. My love to see it is from Maddie Pelly. And she said, long time listener first time DMR, she sent this through on Patreon. So of course I saw it. And she said, I know there is no one in my life

that will appreciate this as much as you. I was in a self-checkout with a very full card of groceries. When I was done, the lady monitoring the self-checkout walked over to me and said, I just have to tell you. You did a really great job with all that

and I didn't have to help you once. Wouldn't that be? make your fucking year. That never happens with a full cart like that, says the lady at the checkout. Maddie said, nothing better than complimenting the way you do a mundane task. You absolutely love to see it. And I messaged Maddie back and I said, that has made my year. I could not be more excited that you did that.

I, like, hats off. Are you a self-checkouter? I don't like it. Yeah. Because I just feel embarrassed when you're, oh, sorry, you know. And it happens. Every time. Every time.

But like at my local, like at the Preston Woolworths, there's never checkouts open. Yeah, so you have to do that. It's only the self-checkout. Steal it. Which is actually why I don't shop in the store. Because what am I going to do? Take notes, Woolworths.

Well, what am I going to do? Go and get a full trolley of stuff and then fucking check myself out. Or the two sluts they've got open. Yeah. I have to. Do you say slots? Two slots. Like the two checkout sluts.

Not gendered, just, they're just like checkout chicks. Slots or sluts? I said sluts. Yeah, okay, great. Yeah. But the two people that are open. But like, so they've got two fucking checkouts open. Yeah.

There's nine trolleys going back up the toilet paper aisle. Like. But I reckon with the self-checkout, it's not technically like 12 albums or less. But it kind of has to be because you have to fit it all on the weighing thing. Where are you going to put it? So the other day I was at Woolies in Eltham. It was kind of late. And same, they only had the self-checkout.

And the reason I was there late is because I realized, fuck, BJ doesn't have any dog food for the morning. So I was like, fuck, I'll go get some. That's me right now. It's at the post office. Pippa's dog food. So I was like, I got to do a late night run.

And then when I'm getting dog food, I'm like, I'll get a couple of huge bags. And then I'm, you know, we're set for a month or so. And you go, fuck, do we need milk? Yeah. And so trying to fit those massive dog bags on the counter. And they just watch you struggle. Yeah.

Like they don't come over and go, let me just scan it with the like reader gun. or whatever. They watch you struggle and then the bing bong goes off and they go, did you need a hand? I'm like, yeah. You've just watched me.

It put me in a bad mood and then I got a bit f***y. This is what happened, right? So I got two big bags of dog food and then like a couple little like cans of wet food. And I put them in a basket because it was just like physically just like hard to carry. Yeah. Because it's heavy and awkward. Yeah. And I also had a, you know, I think there was a special on with, um,

Golden Gay Times. You get a free couple of guys. A time if you buy some dog food or something. I've heard that's a good deal. Because if you're just the dog food, you can kind of like like hug it. But when you've got a couple of other things, you're like,

well, how am I actually going to carry that? Because what's that like the fireman carry? Yeah. Like you got both arms under the, because of the little things. That's how I carried Charles. Yeah.

He's so big now. So then I'm scanning them through and I'm like, how am I going to get this to the car? Yeah. So I put it back into the basket. Yeah. And just carried the basket out of the store. Oh, and then you're like,

I'll just bring the basket. They didn't like that. it back yet they wouldn't have the baskets stay in the store in the store sometimes they beat when you take them out that one would be worse no this one didn't but they looked at me and they're like and i went i'm just carrying it to the car and they're like did you want a bag and i'm like are they free and she goes no it's 25 cents and i was like no thank you and then i was thinking would it just be really fun to get home and still have the basket but did you so you took it to the car yeah and then you walked to the basket back in yeah but then

where you do the self-check-in, there's like fucking gates there. So I couldn't just wander that and put it into the thing. So I knocked on the gates. Oh, they don't like that. Don't tap the glass. And she walked over and was like,

can I help you? And I was like, here's the basket that you just gave me grief over. Yeah. Here it is. Yeah, you deal with that now. Well, you wanted it. Yeah.

Take it. Cop it. She was like, okay, I didn't put in the thing, but I was like, yeah, you won. Yeah. Thank you.

But I do, yeah. I literally avoid the doing my big shop in person because it just takes too long. Why don't we start a business? Love it. I mean. Where it's like a supermarket. But then they've got these like places where they will scan it and put it in bags for you. That would be awesome.

You know that when you go through the actual checkout? Like if you, if they go like, oh, do you have your own bags? You go, yeah, yeah, you like hand them to them. They go like, oh, cool. you can like they don't really pack it for you anymore oh man aldi they won't even look at you no well Audi have never done it so I'm like so wool isn't got there off it as well they don't really do it anymore we'll just send them down the second belt and then you can fucking deal with that pretty much like or I've like handed them the bags before and then they just put them down and go like

after you if I said in this new fancy suburb there's like an elite supermarket like at this like like a cold local you mean or like a independent like an independent but I was like Oh, dude, it's just fucking awesome. What would you assume that meant? Like a little market, supermarket. Yeah. What do you mean? Like if I was like, oh, there's this new supermarket,

a little independent thing, and it's amazing. Yeah. What would you think that meant? I would take amazing to me that like there were lots of people in there that could help you. And like, it was like local. Because I used to like Toscanos. Yeah, I love Toscanos. But I think if I said...

All the fresh food, like the ready-made pizzas and stuff. I think my, it's amazing would be. be like produce, really great food, pre-made pies and a B2B about the food. Yeah. I reckon there's room in the market, no pun intended, but like it just has the normal stuff, but they just really helpful getting the shit to the car. Yeah, I think that that, like, especially for like older people or whatever, I'm like, are you making them pack their own bag?

Like, I am able to do it, but like while I'm unpacking at the other end, then all the stuff is there and you can't pack it at the same, like if you go on your own, imagine if you went there with fucking kids. Like, you're there and you've got like either the pram or the kids are in the trolley, like chaos. Like I cannot imagine. Mabel loves getting stuff off the shelves and putting it in the trolley and she's not fussed if we need it or planning to buy it.

She just thinks the act of getting stuff off the shelf. The act of getting something off the shelf and putting in the troll. Oh, it's a thrill. I do it with online shopping all the time. Yeah. Yeah. there's a few real-life abandoned carts at Althamoreth. Yeah.

That's one for me. Yeah, just put them in there, sweetheart. Yeah. That'll push this other one. Yeah. You give her the baby trolley, like, you know, they give the little one. Oh, bunnings, they fly. Yeah, that's good.

All right, well, that's it. See you. We'll be back tomorrow. Love you.