Toni and Ryan - Drinking Makes You Clever

Episode Date: October 24, 2023

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Welcome to the podcast, by the way. My name's Ryan. This is Dr. Author Tony Lodge. What did you read? My brain just went, oh, we're about to call Courtney. She's from Admin and she works in Alabama. Oh. Well, I think she does work in Alabama. She does work in Alabama. Yeah. In Admin. Admin's a small town in Alabama.

Yeah, Admin County, Alabama. Hello? Courtney, it's Tony and Ryan. Courtney? I'm so excited, yes. Oh, sorry, cut out, and it seemed like you were not excited at all. Or hanging up, maybe. Quickly, before it cuts out again,

would you mind approving this podcast for today, Courtney? Of course, I would love to. Legends. Hey, this is Courtney from Alabama, and I approve this podcast. Yeah. This is Courtney from Alabama and I approve this podcast Alright, coming up today Something that us foreigners struggle about America Struggle with about America besides talking things. Wow.

I'm flapped because we're talking about tipping. And the more people I ask, they go, yeah, so in this state on a bus, it's that, but if you're in that state on a train and it's just like, what? Is there not just like a rule? No. And I think I'm going to like maybe throw a bit of a spanner in the works, but isn't tax also a thing? Yeah.

It's not added in the price. So when you walk up and you go, can I that and it says four dollars fifty like that's not what it costs no then you have to tip but i need a bar not at a coffee place though because you obviously wouldn't tip there oh okay yeah yeah see this is what i'm getting at and we need people's tip tips as well well we've got people have sent through their tip tips. Oh, we've got tip tips. And they're like, they do not do their like warnings. Oh, no, see, that's good. And there's a few scams though.

See, I don't want to get taken like for a ride as a tourist, which is what we are doing, not working, we're touring. Touring. I don't want to, you know, they go, oh, she's an Aussie, so I'll just like imply that you have to do this, you know what I mean? Yeah, no, that's not what we're- And then tip after. That's not what we're-

There's also a few scams with tipping that you'll need to- Oh, God. Like- Do you know what the other thing- Sorry, should we save this? Yeah. No, yeah, save it. Save it.

I'm just not good at maths. Yeah. I can't fucking work out a percentage on the fly. Well, there's a few hot tips, but the hot tips are, they're like, it's simple, you just do, and then you read it and you go, well, that makes no sense. Oh, yeah, it's, yeah. Yeah, okay, we'll get there, sway it up.

Fucking hell, okay. All right, but not to open old wounds, but that's not a euphemism. Wow. Okay. What are we doing? How are you feeling after last Friday when we discovered that your little ducky spoon that you've had for 30, almost 30 years is actually a rabbit? Who told you it was a ducky spoon?

I don't think anyone told me. I think I just called it that. Oh, okay. And my parents just never corrected me and never looked closely enough at it. Okay, so it's not, this isn't in the category of stuff your mum told you? Because I know that category is long and deep. Yeah, I know. I feel- And that this isn't one of them?

I don't think so. Or are they an accomplice because they allowed the lie to be ingrained? An accomplice. Yeah. Oh, I mean, maybe. I mean, if I can tack it on the list, to be honest. I mean, what's one more thing? Yeah, what's one more thing?

People listening to this podcast, Tarpers, Tony and Ryan podcast, have sent through the lies their mum have told them. And we did this the other day and, like, the comments just keep coming through. Is there any truthful mums in this town? I just, do you think it is, like, at one point a mum says a lie to get their kid to shut up and then it just, like... They've got to back it in.

Well, it's just... What am I going to do, admit I was lying? Don't think so. I'm going to take this to the grave. Well, you're a sponge when you're a kid. Yeah. So, all it takes is one time for your mum to say something and you go, oh, that's...

That's just how it is. It is what it is. And then probably when you grow up, you go, oh, that's just how it is. It is what it is. And then probably when you grow up, you go, oh, yeah, my mum told me once that blah. And then you go. Miranda, my mum said the car won't start unless everyone has put their seatbelt on. Now, is there such thing as a sweet little innocent lie? I mean, that one is fairly innocent. It was until my mum, who's really hectic, was running late one day and just started getting the car kids and just drove off.

And we're like, how's the car started? You're not wearing your seatbelt, mum. And she's like, oh, shit. And then plugs it in and then all the kids are like, what's this bitch on about? Well, see, she's undone her own, like, safety precautionary lie. I think it's a well-intentioned lie, but you fucked that up yourself. Yeah, that's Miranda's mum's fault. My mum always used to be like, everyone got their belt on before she, like, took off.

And then I was like, okay, that's, like, what you have to do when you're in the car. And then, like, I remember jumping in the car with, like, a bunch of uni friends as my passengers and being like, everyone got their belt on. And they were like, okay, mum. And I was like, sorry, I care about you guys. Sorry for keeping you alive. Sorry, my bad. I won't do it next time. So what are you planning on crashing?

Yeah. No. What's the matter then? I don't trust anybody else. It's not that I don't trust me. It's those other fuckheads on the road. Which is another classic mum thing. It's not that I don't trust you, sweetheart.

I don't trust the other people in the world. I just don't trust those other boys at that party. Yeah, exactly. Chloe says when she was little, they had two goldfish that seemed to live forever. As we got older, we realised that maybe some of the fish didn't make it and were maybe just replaced and just not mentioned.

I confronted mum years later and mum goes, oh, no, you girls noticed. So, I told you they got new jackets and you were like, oh, cool. So, they go, oh, Misty used to have more spots and she goes, yeah, like new outfit, oh, winter's coming. Yeah. Once we had to get new jackets because we were like, oh, the fishers jackets are cool. We want new jackets Because we were like Oh the fish's jackets are cool We want new jackets as well

So they went to the She goes Fuck Would have just been easier To teach them about death Yeah Like it's cost me a fortune In jackets

Every time I get a new fish It costs me four bucks And 80 for a new coat Yeah Now I have to go down to Kmart And get a new rain jacket I think it is a good opportunity To teach kids about death

Yeah Otherwise it is quite overwhelming When you get to be an adult and you're like, hang on, how come nothing in my life has ever died until now? But is there also like when you realise later, surely that's way worse because you go, oh, my parents have lied to me, my pet died years ago. Exactly what I just said. It's more overwhelming. Hits you like a ton of bricks.

Eight deaths at once because you go, oh, that's why grandma doesn't come over anymore. And like, you know, did grandma get a new jacket? No, she's dead. Like. My dad didn't tell me my dog died. And then I was overseas. Oh, Rhys. What?

Rhys. Zach. Zach. Zach. Who the fuck's Rhys? Well, Rhys is close to Zach. To Zach, isn't it? It's got the same color.

Like, the name is the same color. What? Like, Rhys and Zach to Zach. To Zach, isn't it? It's got the same colour. Like, the name is the same colour. Like, Rhys and Zach are both blue. You know what I mean? No. Yeah. So, like, if the name Rhys is blue. But why is it blue? It just is. Because of Rhys plumbing? No. No, no, no. Just, like, the name Rhys.

And I'm actually thinking R-H-Y-S. That name is blue to me and Zach is also a blue name. What colour is Ryan? Green. Tony? Yellow. So I think that Sarah is also yellow. Stephanie is green.

I can't believe that names have colours. Comment below. Words have colours. Dates have colours. You know how, like, November has the same energy as, like, October 5th, but, like, you would never, like... You've got synesthesia. What is that?

Oh, I can't deal with another fucking thing being revealed to me on this podcast. Have you been... This is very, like, um... So, like, when I... Crystals, smoking weed. No! Yippee energy.

No, no, no, no. This is new from you. It's just, like, the way that I think about things, and it's why I group things together in my brain. In colours. Well, sometimes things have a colour or a smell or like a feeling, but like when I think about, you know when we were talking about the smells of the weekend and the week,

how you can tell the difference? Sorry. I agreed with smell, but that wasn't my strong suit. Sorry, sorry, sorry. You said that a day of the week looks different to a day of the weekend. And I said, and things have a certain smell. Yeah. And you said, oh, yeah, because Christmas smells like turkey.

And I said, no, no, no, like the air has a smell. It's the same kind of areas. It's like I never knew that it had actual other people had this feeling. And then I was watching this TikTok the other day and now my TikTok is full of it. And someone was like, oh, like this name has this colour. But anyway, so the reason that I mistook Zach for Rhys is because in my mind they're like the same type of name, same colour.

Is the light really low in here today? Have I smoked weed? Is it darker in here? Does it feel darker in here? I don't think so. Okay. I'm hot. I feel it.

Take a sip of your iced coffee. Yeah, have a sip of your iced coffee, mate. The tipping has thrown me off. Oh, we haven't even started that yet. Fucking hell. Yeah, so your dad didn't tell you that your blue dog died? It was Golden Brown. Sorry.

Staffordshire Terrier. His name was Zach. Your blue named dog. But then Jess was like, oh, blah, blah, blah, my stepsister. Orange. Let's not do this for the rest of our lives. Every time I read a novel. The champion DARPA names.

And then Jess was like, oh, something. Are you coming home for Christmas? Sorry, who is Jess? Stepsister. Oh, yep. You coming home for Christmas? Blah, blah, blah Stepsister. Oh, yep. You coming home for Christmas? Blah, blah, blah. This.

Oh, yeah. Fits out about Zach, eh? Oh, no. And I was like, what? She goes, yeah. You know how he died? Like. I actually still don't think I've talked to dad about that.

Oh, maybe you should go. But like a licensed professional should be present. No. I could do that. I'm a doctor. You are a doctor. No, but like I don't think because I was in like away for like a year. Yeah.

When I was playing volleyball somewhere. And then I think by the time I got back, he died months ago. And it was just never. Your dad? No, the dog. Oh. Your dad had died. So you never got to talk to him about the dog.

I was like, I met your. Your dad the other week. Was that a gosh? No, no, he was there. Yeah. He was there. What colour is he? Rod. Oh, Rod.

What about Rodney? Are they different colours? Terracotta. Yeah, I was going to say red. Terracotta? Terracotta. My dad's a roof tiler. Redney.

Finally, Jack Legend says- Hi, Jack Legend. What a great name. Pawn star. So good. My mum insisted that mummies make- Whoa. What do mummies do, Ryan?

Fuck, first your dad, now your mum. It's a real fucking parental issue episode, isn't it? My mum insisted that wine makes mummy clever. When we were kids. But we weren't allowed to have it because we got our cleverness from the school. See, no, that is just surely going to inform real fucking horrible alcoholism problems. If I drink, it makes me clever. Oh, you know what?

I would be such a good driver if I was more clever. I'm not good at driving. Hang on. Yeah. That's so fucked. Jack, I think it's very fair to say that you were the son of a legend. Oh, that is not good news. That is.

Because the name was Jack. Yeah. Have you had a wine? Because you need to be clever. All right. Finally, Ethan. At my parents' 50th wedding anniversary, I was 35 years old and I was making a heartfelt speech about how they were such a united team. That's nice.

I think. What did you say? The 50th anniversary? Yeah. Wow. And Bridget and I. Married for 50 years. Yeah's nice. I think What did you say? The 50th anniversary? Yeah. Wow. And Bridget and I. Married for 50 years. Yeah, incredible. Bridget and I are talking at the moment

about like, say if we've got different opinions on something but we decide, well like whoever wins the discussion, like we decide that what it is, then when you speak to Mabel like, no, this is what we're doing. It's not like, well, mum says that but I don't agree. Oh, yeah, yeah. It's sort of like, no, no, no. Like we're doing. It's not like, well, mum says that, but I don't agree. Oh, yeah, yeah.

It's sort of like, no, no, no. Like, once you've – actually, we're like that. Yeah. If we make a decision, then we go, no, this is what we're doing. We stick by it, yeah. And if Tony's really passionate and I don't, like, give a fuck either way or vice versa, but no. No, but, like, say if I'm really into something and you go, well,

I don't really care, but Ryan's into this, so therefore I'm going to back him in and go, yeah, this is what we're doing. Absolutely. Yeah, we would never go to someone not as a united front. Yeah. And I like that that was like something he remembers about his parents. Whatever they did, they were a team. Yeah.

Because you just hear fucking such sad stories about like, well, my mum said this or mum said, no, I'll go to dad instead and stuff like that. Yeah, not me either. And when, oh, yeah, they won't let me go to the party, I'll ask the other one. I'll ask the other one. No, we've decided that that's not going to happen. Yeah. I respect that. Same. I was telling the crowd, this No, we've decided that that's not going to happen. Yeah. I respect that. Same.

I was telling the crowd, this is Ethan at the 50th anniversary. Doing a bit of gear. How about that aeroplane food? Yeah. I was telling the crowd that every couple of nights they would have to make important family decisions. So they would lock their bedroom door and go in there to discuss it. It only dawned on me then in front of a room full of family who also just figured it out that my mum's a liar

and they were just doing the hippity-dippity without us children interrupting them. And they're probably all in their room going, well, I asked my mum if I could go to that party. They're talking about it now. Yeah, they'll figure it out. And then they go- It seems like they've got different opinions on that one. Yeah, they hear that and I'm going, yes, yes.

They're going, yeah, I'm going to the party. Sounds like we're going, guys. Fuck yeah. We're going on holidays this year. We're going to the zoo on the weekend. Yeah. Hi, this is Courtney from Alabama and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. Yeah. listening to Tony and Ryan.

A massive shout out to a few of our champion tarpers over at our Patreon. That's Tarpers, Tony and Ryan podcast. Nicole Starkey. Good on you, Nicole. Thank you so much. David Eats Berries All one word Not sure if it's a legal name Or

That's okay Well David's his first name Yeah David Eats Berries But it's all one word It's not David Eats Berries Isn't his first It's not like

David Eats Berries Smith But it's all one word Oh Like it's no spaces Well he fucked that up Yeah So Not even hyphenated

Cass Kirtner Good on you Cass Brad Hartchess. Jacob Kilgren. And Liana Bruchetti-Campatimpertom. Thank you so much for being part of the Patreon, Liana. Thank you, Liana. Say her full name.

Thank you, Liana Bruchetti-Brunana. Thank you. Tipping in the USA. Tomorrow, we're in Dallas. We're in Dallas tomorrow night. Was it 5 p.m.? Correct. 5 p.m. at Clyde Warren Park.

Can I just say that after- Fuck, she's talking again. No, you go. That can you believe that we are in Dallas tomorrow? Tomorrow. After all the build-up and how excited we've been, like you and I, Ryan, like we've been planning this for so- Like, it's just crazy that-

It's crazy. Literally tomorrow we're going to be there. Yeah. Meeting everybody. Meeting everyone in Dallas. Very much looking forward to it. Can't wait. What are you going to wear, do you reckon?

Well, we are going to make a little stop at Fort Worth at a very- There's a part of Fort Worth that's very cowboy energy. Dare I say it, we will be in cowboy world. And I think- I mean, it's up to us, the three of us individually, to decide how many times we tap the Visa card. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

But- Is work paying? Not for cowboy boots, no. Oh, that seems fair. But still upsetting. No, well, you- I mean, you do you. If it's for work.

What about tax? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Then do I put the tip- So, do you tip on the card? Okay, let me- Let's get into it.

Let's get into it. First of all, let me start with what I've been told by the tarpers. Okay. The tarper tips tarps. No, the tarper tip tips. Tip tips. Yeah. Just the tip tips.

The tarper tip tips. Restaurants and cafes, 15% to 20% depending on which state. Should I be writing this down? I've written it down. Okay. I'll send you a copy. Great. But some other people are like, oh, I would never.

It's so rude to tip below 20% in some places. Then other people are like, no, I would never. It's so rude to tip below 20% in some places. Then other people are like, no, 15 to 20 is fine. So, if you sit down for a meal that costs 100 USD, so that's like- Where the fuck are you eating, mate? 100 bucks. No, there's three of us. I'm saying like as an- $4 for a burger each.

Okay. So, what I'm going to say is because I thought the maths would be easier. Around number. Yeah. No, actually, I'll get that, yeah. Okay. So, thank you. Yeah.

So, it's $14.87. $14.87. Apologize, please. Apologize if we should have new jackets. So, if, say, you sit down for a meal, it's $100. Yep. And then you have to tip $20 on top of that. Yeah.

And does the waiter or waitress, like, who gets the- So, it's traditionally, like, your server gets it. Yeah. And does the waiter or waitress, like, who gets the- So, it's traditionally, like, your server gets it. Yeah. But then a lot of times, like, no, they, like, put their- Do tip sharing. They pull on it and it splits up because then the kitchen, like, gets a bit and stuff and the bar guy and whatever. But what if, like, there's a waiter that's really rude

and a waiter that's really nice and you go, well, I don't want that person to get it, then, like- Well, I think you get your server for your table. So, it's not just, like, random people coming out. Because in Australia, it's, like, different people, kind of a mishmash of people help out. Yeah. The valet, when they open your door and grab the bags,

$2 to $3 per bag. Okay, I remember I'm back then. So, like, when the taxi pulls up at the hotel and the guy comes and opens the door, $2. It's their job, though. Yeah, and you're paying for them to do their job. I'm not their employer. Do I have to fucking give him superannuation as well on top?

Yeah, and health insurance. Yeah. So, take a few spare policies. Because in Australia, we pay really well. So, they're already paid. But when you say it's their job, this is like you're paying them to do their job. So do they not get-

Do employers do fucking anything in America? Well, that was going to be my question. Do they not get paid at all? Well, so I think servers might get $2 or $3 an hour. Like there's some kind of like legal minimum and then the tips top it up to what, you know, becomes a- Also, side side note this is just what i think oh i believe i've heard i mean who's who fucking knows yeah uh the person you

have to if someone like opens your door at the hotel or whatever that you're like paying to stay at obviously if you were just rocking up to random hotels a bit different yeah um wow i didn't know that when we get room service and dare i say, we might be making a few calls down to the kitchen late at night. Yeah. One or two dollars for the person that brings it up. One dollar per drink at a bar. Huh? So, when you get a beer and they go, that's four bucks,

you give them five because the dollar's for the barman. And then you leave a few dollars for the hotel cleaners that come and clean your room each day. And then don't leave lots of money out because they'll assume that's a tip. So if you just, like, throw your stuff down and there's, like, five bucks on the table, they'll be like, oh, thanks, guys. Appreciate it. And finally.

Oh, so if I leave my laptop on the table, do they go, oh, great. What a lovely tip. Thank you. Yeah, thanks, Tony. She must love the turndown service. Yeah, God, the chocolate on her pillow really fucking jazzed her up. I'll take this laptop. Yep.

I don't understand. Okay. Yeah, God, the chocolate on her pillow really fucking jazzed her up. I'll take this laptop. Yep. I don't understand. Okay, the first thing I need to mention, and there's a heap of stories here, is actually let me start with Kelsey Van Winkle. Not a fake name. Hi, Kelsey Van Winkle. Not a fake name. If possible, says Kelsey, tip in cash so the person can keep it. Because sometimes there's the card.

And you add a tip on that. But then then it goes through the pain then that gets taxed and fucking someone else gets a cut and it gets it like so like a cash tip is worth like it's really helpful for the person who the fuck carries cash in 2023 well that was gonna be so do i have to have my card with me and like a fucking wallet full of ones it sounds like it a so because obviously when was the last time you had cash on you? I actually could not tell you. Someone gave me the cash the other day to, like, pay me back for something. And they gave it to you, like, physical-

They gave me physical cash. Did you throw it back at them? You know what, actually, it was about two years ago, and the money is still like, on the, like, um, you know that little shelf we have as you walk into our house? Yep. On the right-hand side, like, where you put your keys and shit? Everyone's got that thing near the door where all the shit just ends up.

Yeah, it's just like the shit table. You walk in and go, pfft. Bye. Yeah. Tomorrow's probably when I have to find my keys in there. Yeah. And there's, like, batteries and, like, a bottle opener. Dog collar.

Yeah, and, like, a- A rain jacket from two weeks ago in a port a little bit. Yeah, and, like, a piece of paper that is really important, but you don't really know what else to do with it. Oh, that looks like a receipt I'll need for tax. Yeah, pop that in there. And there's like $200 just like sitting there that I'm like, what the fuck am I going to do with this?

Yeah. Because I can't even use, what am I going to, apart from buying drugs, what do you actually use cash for? I was thinking the same the other day. If I got cash out, Bridget would be like, what are you doing? Yeah. She saw the bank statement and be like, are you cheating on me? Are you doing drugs?

Well, yeah. Are you fucking rolling dice in the alley or something? Yeah, like, what's going on? You buying fucking cheap Rolexes from a guy with a bloody, he's jacking up and you go, yeah, I'll take eight of those for Christmas presents. Thank you. I actually don't know what anyone would do with physical fucking barter. In Australia, I actually, I know that legally they have to accept it, but most places now say like contactless preferred

and they don't take it. Well, if you say you buy something for $8 and you give them a 10, they go, well, what the fuck am I going to do with that and how the fuck am I going to give you $2 back? Yeah, because they actually just don't have it. Yeah. So, I've got to have cash. That would be be a stunt we should do a youtube stunt where it goes we spent the day paying with cash and just watch people go and let's watch the fucking chaos ensue god a ten

dollar note still blue like you know what i mean like i would be shut a ten dollar note is blue okay isn't it i don't know. What colours? How much is Zach? A five. That's very funny. Sorry, that didn't get the recognition. It really didn't. That was very good. It really did not.

That's a thinker. Because a five is purple, like pink purple. Pinky purple, yeah. 20 is red. And a pineapple for a 50. That's a 50. Which is yellow, obviously. And then the greeny blue for a pineapple for a 50. That's a 50. Which is yellow, obviously. And then the greeny blue for a hundo.

Yeah. And that's all of it, isn't it? And in America, they've got a white for a one and a white for a two and a one. It's paper, isn't it? Because our money is like plastic. Yeah. Like, not plastic, but like all of it. But it sounds like, because when someone opens the door for you, you know, it'd be like, cool, do you take Amex? I'm going to feel like a baller because we're all going to be like $1 notes.

Yeah, and it looks like $100 because they all look the same. So, when you see someone making it rain, you're like, he's just slicked $6.50 onto the ground. Yeah. So, all right, is there any situations where you're not supposed to tip? I think a cafe. There's a tip jar, but I don't think you have to, like at a Starbucks. Question.

So, what's the difference then between like getting a coffee and getting a cocktail? Is that you have to tip for a cocktail? No, no, no. But like what's the, like the work is the same. Someone's making you a drink. Apparently not. Would you tip more for a espresso martini than you would for a beer? Because a beer all they have to do is pass it to you,

but like if they're making a cocktail? You'd hope so. Do you know what I mean? Like is that – Yeah. Like because it takes them more time, they've got less people they can serve. But though, does it encourage being like nicer and quicker and more prompt?

That's the point. That's the point, yeah. Right. But then I find it – Because this is the part I don't understand, like the reasoning. So what I don't like is like the over-the-top fake niceties. Not that they're not a nice person, but they're really laying it on thick because they want a tip.

Feels like a sales. And it's just real yuck, yeah. It's like, hey, you're just doing your job, man. All good. You don't have to do it. Just eggs and bacon and a coffee. Like, just relax, bro. So, you know what might happen?

I might just, like, not eat the whole time because I'm too scared to tip. Yeah. And so, you said 15% to 20% for food. Yep. What if you went and, like, got your hair done? Hair, dresses and barbers, 25%. What? Really?

In Tennessee, if you double the tax on your bill and round up, you'll be pretty close, says Sammy. Double your bill? No, no. So when the bill comes, then you look at the tax on the bill, then you double the tax amount and then round that up. Tony's just had a conniption. I'm not going

I'm literally not going That's fucked Do you want to hear the shittest story I've ever heard? Always This is Sammy in Tennessee Welcome to the podcast Pretty regular We're going to Tennessee by the way

Where are we going in Tennessee? Um Oklahoma Correct Louieville That's Kentucky Yep We're going to heaven Because Tennessee is beautiful This time of year Correct again Correct. Nailed it. Louisville. That's Kentucky. Yep.

We're going to heaven because Tennessee is beautiful this time of year. Correct again. Where are we going? Nashville. Nashville. That's where I think I was from. Keith Urban? Sure.

No, he's Australian. I used to wait tables and there was this one regular guy that would come down with 10 $1 bills, right? Sure. And I think that's what we're going to have to be just like carrying ones. But he would lay out the 10 $1 bills on the table. Big spender. Yeah, but then every time someone stuffed something up, he would just take one away.

So people would come over and go, oh, yeah, what sort of milk was that? And he goes, oh, I said before that it was soy, so I'll just take that one. I asked for this burger with no onions and it's got onion on it, so. Oh, it took over six minutes to arrive. And just like count it down in front of you. What an arsehole. Is that the biggest jerk fuckhead thing you've ever heard in your life?

Oh. Now, do you want to hear a warning? This is from Jayma. I do need the warning. Thank you, Jayma. Lots of places now add the thing automatically. So, you get your check, right? Yep.

And it'll be like three coffees, two eggs and toast, one pancakes, 18% gratuity, total is this, which I actually think that's just so much cleaner and easier, right? Yeah. Or nah. Well, what if you don't agree with the 18%? Well, there is that. Then you can, like, change it or whatever. But what catches people off, like foreigners like us, is that-

They don't notice it's automatic. Then they add another 20. Yeah. So, you pay 40% extra. Yep. Also, Jayma, that's a hot tip. That's a hot tip. That is a hot tip.

So, I have to actually have my glasses on the whole time and really pay attention. So, your glasses are on, but you're not going? Good. So, how do I do 20% on my calculator? Or is there an app or something I could use? Times 1.2. Times 1.2? No, times 2.

0.2. Oh, my. 0.2. The total is 1.2, but just 0.2. So if I go... Or according to Sammy, if you double the tax on your bill and round up, you'll be pretty close. But isn't that only in one state?

In Tennessee. So are the states different amounts that you have to pay a tip for? I believe so. I've got one... And the tax is different in all the states, isn't it? Yep, state taxes. Jeepers creepers. I've got a final story here from Sammy.

We went on tour of the Grand Canyon and we were given these discount vouchers for the gift shop by the tour bus driver, which seems, I guess, normal. Sure. So we went, oh, thanks, mate. Chucked it in a pocket. At the end of the day, everyone was getting off the bus trip and tipping the driver because, heaven forbid, you wouldn't, you know, you've got to tip the bus driver, the tour bus driver.

But you... So my... What if you don't have cash? Well, you've got to have cash, mate. You've got to have cash. But what if you just tip the door guy and the fucking nail tech and the hairdresser and you go, I'm out of cash? Go to the ATM and tip the ATM while you're at it. I don't think you actually have to tip the machine, but...

At the end of the day, everyone was leaving the bus and, like, just giving a dollar or two to the driver. And my husband put his hand into his pocket and, without looking looking at it gave him the voucher to the gift store back because they were like both as like a similar colour and again you must just be walking around with a pocket full of wands so you just like put your hand in your pocket and go thanks champion and gave him the thing back and he didn't realise but the bus driver got it and was like what the fuck and there was like a bit of a kerfuffle at the Grand Canyon well they couldn't get their discount at the gift shop. I mean, you'd be fucking going to the gift shop.

Then you're paying full price at the gift shop like a fucking idiot. And don't you reckon that that bus driver would have taken that as super passive? Like, you know, you wouldn't go, oh, they've obviously mixed up. You'd go, hmm. I see. Weren't a fan of the driving, I guess, or something. No, it turns out he just went to the gift shop and bought a Grand Canyon hoodie. What do you handle that money off?

15% off. Couldn't buy the materials for that. What about a taxi? Do you have to tip on a taxi? Oh, big time. 20 to 25%. And then when the taxi door opens by the guy at the airport, then you tip that guy.

Yeah. In fact, I'm going to call... We originally called this G'day USA. I'm calling it the Tony Lodge Shakedown Tour. Actually, I feel like I'm being hustled. Yeah, you are. It's the hustle. By the country.

It's the American dream. Capitalism. What's the dream? Go to America and make it big. Have a life and a house and a- Picket fence and your own business and get hustled. Yeah. Hustle dog.

Oh, my God. So, you ready to go? Flying out later today? I need to get some cash out. I need to get some cash out before we go. God, the exchange rate as well. I'm basically already tipping in the money that I have. I've added my 20%.

Yeah, fuck. Don't even look at that. I've got to get up to see it. Here at Tony and Ryan HQ, is it fair to say over the last month, off air more than on air, there's been like a lot of Costco chat? Costco chat. Oh, yeah. I know you and your sister were talking about the chickens

and the wings and stuff. I bought my sister a Costco membership for her birthday. There you go. Because she just moved to Melbourne. So I was like, oh, this is right up your alley. Cam texted last night and said, what, there's 157 piece La Croque set. La Creuset. Yeah.

Yeah. And kitchen set. Every pot, utensil, dish you could ever fucking need in your life, it arrives at your house on a pallet. A pallet of La Creuset. I mean, what a dream if you didn't have to pay for it. What a dream. But like, the price is right for the amount of stuff you get. Like, if you sold it piece by piece and flipped it,

you'd be earning a fortune. Well, a LaCroce, like, crockpot by itself is, like, $500, $600. Oh, well, so what? You make your money back in two bits. Like, that's so real. It actually is very, you know what? It was probably in USD and you've got to tip the guy, you've got to tip the pallet, You've got to be a Costco member.

You've got to tip LaCroosK. No, I saw that tweet going around a few times after you sent it, Cam. Must have hit the algorithm and they went, oh, this guy's a Costco guy. This guy's a LaCroosK guy, more like. Stephen sends a message. He's a tarper. Hi, Stephen. And he works at Costco.

Oh. And so I don't know Costco as well as I know Aldi, but I know in Aldi there's like the random shit aisle. Yeah. And I'm guessing in Costco there's a couple of areas where there's like just random stuff coming through. Sure. Yeah, I've never been.

Oh, so you didn't go into that. You just bought the membership. I just bought the membership for her. Yeah. Stephen said, this week at Costco, stand up paddle boards. And as soon as they came in, I thought of Tony Lodge right away. And I thought, oh, you love to see that. I've done my job here.

Yeah. That is good news. If anybody's in the market for a stand-up paddleboard, you'll love it. Ask Tony's sister to use the card. Yeah, you can use her membership. To be honest, you could just use my paddleboard if you want because I'll be in America not using it. Oh, so if you were here, you would be using it? As opposed to me being here and using it, obviously, yeah.

We had a few nice weekends the last couple of weekends. Yeah, I've been planning and trying to work out tips. So, I've been busy. Sorry. Thanks for sending that through, Stephen. You love to see that. That's awesome. My love to see is from Hannah Hawes, H-A-W-E-S.

Oh, I was going to say. I've got a hospital humour anecdote. Just called to book a blood test appointment and asked if I needed to bring anything with me. You know how sometimes they're like, oh, make sure you fast beforehand or drink a liter of water in the waiting room or whatever. The lovely receptionist said, just your arms will be fine. It always helps if you have those.

Yep. And Hannah said, you love to see that. You do love to see that. Isn't that so sweet? It's the medical comedy that actually works. Yeah. No victims were taken in this medical comedy. No victims.

Yeah. I thought that was so sweet. Yeah. And it does help. It does. Yeah. You need them. Imagine if that was a go-to joke and then someone came in without an arm.

Well, they did the joke on the phone. It didn't really land. And then they come in the next time She goes, sorry about that Yeah That's why I didn't get a round of applause for that one Anyway One of the reasons Pretty funny

Thank you, Hannah Oh, Cam Oh, man A massive thank you to Hannah for sharing that And to Stephen for the Costco gear You do love to see that We're back tomorrow Normal on our tomorrow

And tomorrow we're in Dallas. Tomorrow night. See you at five. See you at five. Saturday night in Atlanta. Sunday morning, Nashville. Sunday afternoon, Louisville. Sunday night, Indianapolis.

Monday night, Chicago. Chicago. Tuesday night, chill the fuck out. Yeah. Calm the fuck down. While we're in Chicago, should we go see our mate Rod? Oh, I love Rod. Yeah.

I'm actually booked in to see my brother from another mother. We'll go see Rod. That sounds like a joke, but that's literally the case. That is very funny. I'll go see Rod myself. Anyway, all fair chat. Bloody love ya. Send any more tips, tips through if there's anything we've missed.

And Chicago pizza tips tips. Oh, yeah. We need some Chicago pizza tips tips. Do you have to tip more for a deep dish? I can't deal with this. Well, you're going to have to. Okay. All right.

Yeah. Send more tips tips through if there's anything we've forgotten. But do you want more tips tips or is this going to confuse you? Or do you just go and just wing it and just be there for life? I'm winging it. Yeah. I'm just going to get $. Or do you just go and just wing it and just be there for life? I'm winging it. Yeah. I'm just going to get $1,000 out in cash and that's going to last me the whole trip. First person?

Just like to the first person or like in ones? No, I'm going to get a $1,000 note. I'm going to get $1,001 notes. And give it to the first person and go, and you guys just spread it amongst yourselves. Can you ask for cash back in a cheap situation? Can you go, fuck, you don't have change for a 5D, mate. I don't know. It'd be fucking awkward.

It wouldn't be worth five bucks to ask. Just get a thousand in ones. Yeah. And then that'll last me the whole trip. Yep. Do I have to tip in Hawaii as well? Yeah. Oh, jeepers.

Okay. But when you get an all inclusive, like, because you're like in a in a resort that's, like, breakfast is included, this is included, surely that means by the time you check in, you just put your wallet away. I don't know if it is all-inclusive. But the concept. The price, it should have been. But I don't think that it is.

Well, we can't all stay at the White Lotus, mate. But the concept of, like, it's all-included, and you go, but if I'm paying tips every fucking drink, then it's not really all included. Yeah, because I put my wallet in the safe when I got here and I don't plan on taking it out until afterwards. Luckily, you've got all those Rolexes that you bought in the alleyway. I'll just take those.

You just walk up to the bar and go, yep, I'm in room 406. Or they give you that little armband and you fucking ding it on the thing and that's like. Yeah, I'll pay my tips later, dog. Yeah. Oh, fuck. All right. Love love ya see you tomorrow tony's stressed i'm sorry we should have flagged this months ago so you had time to get your head around it you know what i've just got to wing it i think work for life baby win the day slay the day slay the day are you still slaying days i would agree that i am do you think i'm not i would say that I am apart from this now. Oh no. See you tomorrow.

Love you, bye.