Toni and Ryan - Dull Envelope Chat

Episode Date: October 1, 2024

How you know you're old, and ALSO some HUMBLEBRAGGING!!! Love ya xoxoxCheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Apply to Algoma University today. Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Dr. Doctor. Doctor. Doctor. Dr. Terry Lodge.

God, that felt like we were in like an Agatha Christie, like. Are we not? Sorry, the murder has begun. That's murder, isn't it? Spoiler alert. Oh, I'm so sorry. Let's call Ashley, who's in Virginia. The most Agatha Christie. Oddly, no Virginia. Gee, the Agatha Christie. Agatha Christie. In the last one, did it? No, it didn't. Hello? Hi, Ashley. Hi.

It's Tony and Ryan, how are you? I'm so well, how are you all? We're very, very good. Now you're in Virginia, but I believe you made a trip out our way recently. I did in March. Yep, spent three weeks in Australia and New Zealand. Oh, and did I believe you asked some tarpas for some recommendations. Are tarpas good travel guides

and what was your favorite spot? Uh, tarpas are excellent travel guides and, um, well New Zealand is magic. Australia was amazing. Um, Hobart was my favorite. So Tasmania was my favorite. Oh, lots of Tasmania chat on the pod recently Ash. Yeah, we agree. Good call. Um, maybe we should make a tarp travel book. A tarp travel book. So everyone sent through one recommendation.

Except it's turning out that the tarps are better at recommending than we are. All you need to do is pull up that post that I posted. Oh yeah. The tar car crews came through with their recommendations for sure. I love to say that. Yeah, that's amazing. Well Ash, will you approve today's podcast? Fuck yeah, I'll approve today's podcast. Oh fuck yeah. Hey, it's Ashley. I'm from Virginia and I approve this podcast. Coming up today. Yeah, you are.

My wife has said one of the most egregious, outrageous statements I've heard her say in the 10 years since we've known each other. Oh my gosh. And I think- Is it bad news? You need a place to stay? No, I was just, I was taken aback. I actually like sat back in my chair and went, well, all righto.

And I don't know if you listening and you, Tony, are going to be like, fucking pop off sis, love that for you or calm the fuck down. Okay. But we'll get to that coming up today. Interesting. Uh, first though, what is your old person trait? What do you do that makes you go, that's what my dad used to do. Oh, I'm old now.

Yeah. I licked a piece of paper before turning the page last week. Licked your finger, hopefully not the actual piece of paper. How are you supposed to do it? You just said I licked a piece of paper before turning it. Oh yeah, no, I skipped a step there. Yeah, no, no, no. Maybe that could skip the middle man.

I just licked the page and then. Do you know when you have to lick an envelope? Yeah. The taste of that is so fucking disgusting. I just like slag on my finger and then like trace it around the top. What are you mailing? Not a lot. Because I just meant, yeah, I hate that.

And when I haven't done that. When was the last time you did that? I actually had to. Where were you doing that? If you had to choose a business. Well, I actually had to send something to our accountant that had to be sent in person. Oh, because like the original signature or something.

Yeah. And so I couldn't scan it or anything. I did everything I could to get out of it. I'm like, surely I could, I do this. Could I come in? I was like, I'd rather come in than mail something to you. Anyway, so I mailed it and I leaked the envelope and I went, yeah, fair. They could make those taste good. Imagine if Diet Coke released like a line of envelopes. And then when you licked the little sticky thing, it was like nummies. A little springy. Well, would Diet Coke be your ideal flavor?

So my first thought was peri peri. Oh, God no. Maybe not. Maybe I could. I feel like it's something fruity. Yeah. Because you wouldn't want like chocolate taste because that's disgusting. Yeah.

But like kiwi fruit flavor. Fun. You know? So hang on. I'd say anything you would flavor a chopper chop or chewing gum, you could put on the thing. Except there are like vanilla and chocolate chopper chops or chooper choops. Choper choops.

And they're disgusting. Would there be like a scratch and sniff situation? Oh yeah. But those words put together just really turn you off, even though there's nothing wrong about it, but it just really. Normal plus normal equals nah. Yeah. Jennifer.

Hi, Jennifer. These are old person traits. Oh, sorry. I got off topic. Jennifer says, sorry, old person traits, talking about envelopes for three minutes. Very dull, very dull. And actually, it's funny you bring up dull. Just keep in mind that we are saying fair or are they just a dull person?

Oh, okay. So dull applies in this situation. And spoiler alert, when we get to Beck. Oh, get your dull caps on. Actually, that sounds more fun. But first, Jennifer, I choose restaurants based on the ease of parking and knowing that the music won't be too loud. Normal. The actual food. This is not normal on us. Sorry, I've just realized. Not that important. I'm old too then because the food though is important. Okay. I do agree,

but I think it depends on- It's order important. It's not not important. It's just like in order of importance, ease of parking, music, not too loud, food's okay. Ease of parking, 100%. Yeah. Even though like, I mean, if I was planning on having a Vino, I wouldn't drive

anyway, so maybe that wouldn't be that important depending on what occasion it was and the occasion obviously comes into play with like the music being loud and whatever. Yep. Cause if you want to go and have a slutty dinner, like say it was just you and Bridge, Ryan, and you're like, Oh, we're going to go and like, you know, Singapore, the wine and whatever, then you obviously don't music to be too loud. Cause you're like, Oh, is it like a slinky place? Right?

It's like, if you're going somewhere with like a group of friends and you're like, yeah, there's like a fuck it. There's all this stuff and that's like hypes up the vibe, you know? But sometimes when there's heaps of friends, that's when you want to chat to everyone and then the loudness can. But when there's lots of friends, you normally talk to like one or two people at a time. Yeah.

So like, I feel like as you're like zigzagging around the group, it's fun. Yeah. Yeah. Hundreds, literally hundreds of people in the thread said, my old person trait is hating loud restaurants. I do agree. But if that makes me old, then fucking lock me up. I don't know.

So what do you think we do with old people? No, it's not. Oh, you're a old pooh. If that makes me old, give me a prune. Old people have prunes for their purpose. If that makes me old, then. Sometimes Mabel has prunes when she hasn't pooped for a while. And then I said, Richard, I have one.

She goes, you've had enough for a lifetime. Yeah. You don't need prunes. Do you know what's a shame about? What's the opposite of a prune? Shove a prune up your butt. Don't eat it. Put it up your butt.

Insert it in the other end. I love prunes and it's such a shame because obviously they make you shit. I would love to just eat prunes because I think they're really yummy. Well, if you've got nothing on that day. True, true, true. Hayne. Hi Hayne. My knees hurt when it's going to rain.

Oh no, that's old people shit. I call them old lady knees. Oh, nah, that's old people shit. I call them old lady knees. Nah, nah, I've never experienced that. Yeah, maybe not that old. Yep. Thank God. Is that what's coming? I'm not interested in that. Courtney Dixon.

Oh, is she? I was out in town the other night and I saw this young girl wearing next to nothing. And I thought, aren't you cold? And then I went, I used to wear next to nothing and old people used to ask me if I was cold. Yeah. Oh, but I just look at it and I go, oh, you look great. And you like, you must be feeling yourself. And I absolutely love it.

But would you like a jacket? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no a jacket? No, no, no, no, no. Love it. I'm young still. I'm young. Now we're up to Beck. Oh, Beck. And this is the last one. I'm really I'm going to walk you through my train floor right now. I'm feeling really scared because I know that you've like rinsed Beck, pre rinsed.

Pre rinsed. And you've said like, oh, this one's so dull. And I fucking know it's going to be something that I do. Like 100%. No, I don't know. Oh really? Yeah, no. Cause I'm getting a bit nervy that you're about to say this

be like, oh, this is so shit that I got, oh, I did that this morning. So that's like where I'm at. My thing is I beat Tony Lodge. No, and there's a follow up line that'll just, the first line is going to make you feel for Beck. And then the second line is just going to be real depressing. And then I think we might just in silence, go to the ad. I'm really interested in recording frog and bird noises.

Now love it. Really? bird noises. Now love it. Really love it. Absolutely love it. I have an app for both. Not the same app, a frog recording app and a bird recording app. No, fuck you. I love that Beck. I think that's awesome. You've got to have your hobbies.

Yep. And also I used to be a sound person. We used to go in. Becks like an audio queen. But like we used to go into the park and like record Atmos all the time to like using theater shows. So we would like drive to the park at nighttime and sit there and record because like there would be no noise going on.

Is that when you and Tobbs met and became friends? Uh, that was that time. You weren't recording that bit? Oh no, you can't have any noise on the background. Man, I recorded some bird noises the other night. I haven't listened to this one squawking. And I'm not a bird guy. Hey, it's Ashley.

I'm from Virginia and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. At Algoma University, your future has no limits. Here, you can go further, in the classroom, in the field, and well beyond. We provide personalized education, cultural fluency, and training for in-demand careers. We don't just prepare you for the future, we prepare you to change it. Plus, Algoma has the most affordable tuition in Ontario. Make the most of your university experience. Go further.

Apply to Algoma University today. For a limited time, switch to Shopify Point of Sale and you could save up to 20% and improve your bottom line. We're so serious about savings, we've made this ad 20% shorter. That means you get 6 seconds back. Just enough time to visit Shopify.com slash POS20. Now that's an efficient ad.

Eligibility requirements apply. See Shopify.com slash POS20 for details. A massive shout out to a few of our champion tapas over at our Patreon. Flynn Hopping, good on you Flynn. Ida L. Hurlriegel, thanks Ida. Sarah LaVaughan, Feyre and Mitchell Coombs. I think that's Mitchell Coombs. His name is a big hint, I reckon. But I think it's Mitchell Coombs.

Well, Mitch, thanks for getting on board. Yeah. Who's Mitchell Coombs? My Mitchell Coombs. Why is he not our Mitchell Coombs? I love Mitchell Coombs. Well, I've been friends with Mitchell Coombs for a long time. No, like, and not a flex, but like we, we worked together in Sydney. So I've known him for a long time.

He was like one of my first friends in Sydney. And only friends in Sydney. No love lost between me and Sydney. Got you. People met in Sydney. Great. Sydney itself for Tony. Fuck you. At that time, when we visit now, I enjoy it. Yeah.

I do like the beach there because the beach here sucks, but yeah, you know, like, which I think is fair. Anyway, I want to talk about humble bragging. Welcome to humble bragging 101. I'll be teaching the class today and bringing you up to speed. If you don't know what it is. Okay. Humble bragging is when someone is bragging or showing off, but they think they're disguising

it with a complaint or a phony show of humility so they don't come across as arrogant. Yeah. So you kind of want to brag about something, be like, I'll just throw a little bit of like a complaint in there. 100%. And think I'm getting away with it. For example, I actually just Googled examples of humble brags and listen to any episode of this podcast.

I feel in here. I will brag. My house is so big. The wifi doesn't make it from one end of the house to the other. So annoying. Oh, shame. You have literally said that to me. Sorry.

My mind was a bit lost in the work meeting today. I just flew back from Europe and my body still thinks it's sipping cocktails and in on a yacht mode and not work mode. My it doesn't travel just suck like that. Mm hmm. Just sucks. It's really it sucks, doesn't it? Yeah, I hate that. The first one you've literally said to me, I just would like everybody on the record.

You said that Wi-Fi doesn't get up here about your office. You've literally said that to me. When I jotted those down, I did realise that the wifi is like right at one end of my house and it's not strong at the other end where my office is, so that's all good. Are you OK? My walk-in wardrobe is always so messy because I've just got so many clothes. It's so annoying. I don't even... I mean, a walk-in closet, I cannot even imagine that.

That is like, that's wild. Is yours messy at the moment? Your walking closet. Um, so, so. Yeah. Oh, cause. You know why we sort of keep it clean is because when we have a shower and there's only one parent there and we got Mabel, like we'll close that area off.

So Mabel's like in the walk-in room and that's like a little, and if it's too messy, she gets lost in the clothes. Cause you've got so many clothes. So anyway, I said to Tony this morning, I think I want to talk about humble bragging. What are your thoughts? Cause it's seen as a thing that's like a bit like, you know, that person's humble bragging again. And I said, what did you think?

What, what do you thought Tony? And Tony goes, I fucking love it. Get it. I do love it because like, if you're not going to write yourself, who are you going to write? But I've just realized that you do all those things. So this might've really been turned on its head by you. Well, it's been turned on head by my wife and I'll get to that in a second. But what's your thoughts on my, I actually, I know your thoughts, but just to give you,

that's don't humble it up. I think for me, it's the phony, like, it's like, you're allowed to love that, but don't sit here and pretend like, why are we doing this dance? I think it depends on who you're talking to and what it is. Yeah. Like to you, I would go, Oh, I'm so proud of this X, Y, Z because it's you. I'm like safe space, safe space, you know. But I think that if there was somebody that I felt like I had to humble brag in

front of, I just wouldn't say anything. Like if there was somebody that I thought would like either think I was being a dick or it would come across really pretentious or something, I probably just wouldn't say it. Yeah. Yeah. Like I would only say that to people I trust. Well, I think that's what I'm saying, though. The pretend in the middle bit is a bit like.

And you know what? If there's friends that you have to humble brag in front of, stop talking to them. Fuck them off. Because they should just be happy for like what you've got or achieved or like what you're talking about. This great thing happened. Fuck yeah.

But though sometimes I do like, you know, when you want to just like drop something into conversation and you go, oh my God, I am so tired because I just got back from Europe because you want to talk about it. I do get sometimes you got to like lob it into conversation and be like, Oh, is that, how does that come up? I'm so sorry. All that leaving a tab open on your computer. And then someone said, you go, Oh, don't ask me about that. Yeah.

You want to talk about it. So I think that's a bit different. Bridget has said something in the house and both Mabel and I sat back in our chairs and went, Interesting. She goes, God, our walking robe is so messy. Bridget made Mabel some muffins. Beautiful. And Mabel dropped a bit of muffin on the floor.

And I said, I'll get the vacuum and get it. Bridget made Mabel some muffins. Beautiful. And Mabel dropped a bit of muffin on the floor. And I said, I'll get the vacuum and get it. And Bridget goes, the vacuum won't work. My muffins are too moist. Oh, sorry. Also won't BJ eat it. He's gluten free. Oh, sorry. Well, I mean eat it? He's gluten free. Oh, sorry.

Um, well, I mean, when you know, you know, when you, when you know you've done a good math, you know, you've done a good math. She goes, you'll need the dust pan for that. It's a bit too moist for the vacuum cleaner. Also, I'm sorry. I'm just picturing like, I'm actually too good at cooking. No, I'm just picturing like a caked up vacuum cleaner. And like that is such a nightmare.

So whether it was moist or not, that would not be. Why would you suggest a vacuum cleaner? Oh, like. No, sorry. Why would you suggest? You have never done anything. You have never done anything. It was like crap.

What the fuck? No, no, no, no. This is not a humble brag. This is humble you being a fucking idiot. Why would a vacuum cleaner be the thing that you would get for that? Pick up the piece of thing. There's crumbs, like crumbs of a muffin. Like bits of, by the time Mabel's got her little hands on it, they're just like little, little bits

sprinkled around the floor and I just, zhht, zhht, zhht, done. No, that's not a vacuum job, ever. What are you doing with your crumbs? Well, I don't really drop stuff because- Who's humblebragging now? I don't have a child. So like, that's not really something

that I have a problem with at my house. I'm actually good at eating, so. No I don't, that's not really something that I have a problem with at my house. I'm actually good at eating. So. No, but like, that's actually not like in our house. That's not a problem we have because. It's been a problem in our house for longer than Mabel's been alive. Yeah, okay.

But when Mabel came, there weren't like more crumbs. Yeah, you're just like, oh, somebody else has done that today. There's just like other people contributing to the crumbs. That was like when we were in Chicago and it was snowing and I had like snow on my shoulders and I was like, this is the first time my life this hasn't been dandruff.

Like all dandruff. Like yeah, yeah, yeah, still a bit. Like obviously I'm not a fucking princess, but yeah, a bit of snow on there. However, crumbs with, no, no, no. Crumbs for something like toast, yeah. But what are you gonna, like if you spilled milk on the floor, would you get the vacuum out?

No, you get a cloth. No, cause that would be crazy. Yeah. But this is a cake, not milk. It's made of milk in a bit. It's not milk. No, but like, yeah, a wet cloth or a dust pan and brush would obviously be better. Well, we had to get the dust pan and brush because the muffins were too moist.

No, I see. I, I think Bridget aside, I think this is more of a highlight for you. Getting the vacuum cleaner. That is crazy. You are just on the wrong side of history. My friend. Oh my God. Well, hasn't it today's show gone well for me.

That's really, that's terrible. Okay. That's just so bad. Sounds pretty bad, doesn't it? Yep. Anyone else want to have a crack? So if anything you want to have to say against me today or anything? No. Oh, my wife's cooking is too good and she normally cleans everything.

So I don't know how to use the vacuum cleaner. So neat. Fuck you. You know I'm the vacuum cleaner. Zony. Fuck you. You know I'm the vacuumer of the house. What else do you vacuuming mate? I do all of the muffins. And the dog. And the dog.

That's cute. Yeah, Janine's, there has been Janine chat in the house by the way. Yeah, I talked to Brunch about Janine the other week. Yeah. Yeah. I pitched that because Janine, it works at your house at 10 AM for an hour. Yeah.

And then she could scoot on up to your house. Yeah, she didn't find that as funny as we did. Oh my, oh, okay, I'm off her. Yeah, that's what I thought. Yeah. Vacuum away. Thank you. Fuck her vacuum up.

Yeah, her dry muffins. Oh, I heard that was shocking. I heard that maybe we'll just throw it on the ground. Yeah, she did. She didn't even want to eat it. She did, She did. What do you love to see Tony? Unfortunately, I actually do have a vacuum cleaning related. You'll have to see it. I've just texted it to but in the name of our spooky month, a lot of people have shared this into our Facebook group and sent it to me directly on Instagram. Someone online has made a ghost costume for their Roomba, so for their Janine.

And it's like the Janine and then there's a big ghost on top of it holding a broom. It's fucking funny. Is it holding the broom like it's playing a guitar? No, I think it's holding a double bass. I think it's supposed to be holding a broom as if it was sweeping. Hilarious. Also, I just want... Which obviously makes more sense than holding it like a double bass.

Speaking of making sense- Once again, you just don't get cleaning humor, do you? Speaking of not getting- This is gonna- I think I just learned why it's called Roomba. Why? Because it cleans the room. No, that's why. Is that not it? Because I just- Roomba. I don't think that's what it's called. Okay, great. I think that Roomba is just like a brand name. So I don't think it, it's just like robot vacuum cleaner.

So like. Okay, good. Good, good, good, good, good. Yeah. Good coincidence though. Well, don't give me that, Soph. That's the harshest thing I've heard. Oh, Sophie.

That's rough. Sophie. She's on your coincidence though. Well, don't give me that, Sophie. That's the harshest thing I've heard all episode. Oh, Sophie. She's on your side though. If you think telling me I've made a good coincidence thing in that tone is gonna make me happier, you are wrong. I was gonna talk about a special month this month, but I'll save it for tomorrow because it's not the mood.

So instead I'm gonna shout out to Claire Bear. Claire Bear. Claire Bear Mead. Hi Claire Bear Mead. I'm a tarpa and I'm Canadian. So when I see a joke about Canada and the Titanic, you know, I had to put it in the, you love to see it, Fred. What does- Go on. What does Canada have to do with that?

Cause she's from Canada. She's like, I've seen a joke about my home country and I've seen a joke about Titanic. I see. Sorry. It's like, what is the relevance to Canada? No, no, no. I was like, what's the relevance of Titanic in Canada? Forgetting Claire Bear's link, obviously. Yeah.

So she's like, this is for me, this is my world's coming together. Love it. Uh, and it's a. And it's like a conversation between a Canadian and American. Actually, this is not that good. I'm not, I'm- No, I love it. I love it. I'm nervous now.

I'm gonna suck it up like a little vacuum cleaner. Canadian, let's watch a movie. American, have you seen the Titanic? Canadian, what's that about? Because that's what I said. What's that about? And the American goes, yes, it was, but it sank. He's doing really good job, Ryan. Thank you, Sophie.

Also someone else sent through a bumper sticker that says, please don't hit me. I don't know how insurance works. So if you've enjoyed any of that, you're welcome. Is it supposed to be like a boat? Like, what's that about? of that, you're welcome. Is it supposed to be like a boat? Like what's that about? What's that about? Yeah.

What's that about? Yeah, it was until it's like... No, but is that supposed to... Is that the joke? What's that? A boat? Well, it was, for the sake of... But a boot doesn't sound like the word boat, does it?

What's that about? A boat. What's that about? I actually don't like making jokes about boats sinking now that I'm a houseboat. I'm cutting all ties to the RMS Titanic. Oh, what's that about? Oh, it was. Where do you live? What's that about? See?

That does not make sense. Where do you live? What's that about? See? I think a little bit like the fucked facts. Not that I'd bring them up so early in the year, but I think a bit like the fucked facts. That bumper sticker, that's my energy. Someone said this is Tony's energy. Yeah. That like, that's so me. Please don't hit me. I don't know how insurance works. And it's true. It is so true. It's right next to my Hawks bumper sticker that you got in your show bag.

Can I put a Hawks bumper sticker on your ad? Absolutely not. Like absolutely not. Did you want to think about it? Tomorrow, Norm Launard and Bridget's Muffins, I guess. More boot chat probably. Some nice boots. You've got those really nice boots actually. I do.

Yeah. And when I wear them around Sophie, she's... What about me? I was horny for you long before Sophie was. Yeah, but you had, your horniness wasn't relying on the boots because you're good to go anytime. For you. For me.

Hashtag wet for life. Love you. Love you. Love you, sorry that we came apart for a bit, but we're back together now. And we'll come together again. And we'll come together right now. Beep beep.

Love you, bye. Bye, Meow. As women, our life stages come with unique risk factors. Like when our estrogen levels drop during menopause, causing the risk of heart disease to go up. Know your risks. Visit heartandstroke.ca. At Algoma University, your future has no limits. Here, you can go further, in the classroom, in the field, and well beyond. We provide personalized

education, cultural fluency, and training for in-demand careers. We don't just prepare you for the future, we prepare you to change it. Plus, Algoma has the most affordable tuition in Ontario. Make the most of your university experience. Go further. Apply to Algoma University today.