Toni and Ryan - Eatin' Out Ya Mum

Episode Date: December 1, 2022

We chat about some .... interesting family traditions - and Ryan finally finds his own fashion style! Hehehe love ya!! Toni xoxox [USED TO BE VIDEO EPISODE BUT NOT ANYMORE LOL TECHNICAL CHAT]Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Plus you can find the links to pre-order Toni's book here! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, welcome to the podcast. My name is Ryan. I'm the vice captain of this ship. The captain, the muscles, author, Tony Lodge. Wow, that sounds impressive, doesn't it? It really does. Yeah, it's a real shopping list of my achievements. I really am.

Proud mum. When did you update your Instagram bio? Just the other day. Did you like that? I was like, whoa. Did you like that? Yeah. And you know what the best thing about writing a book is, obviously?

That you can tell me you're a fucking author. But it doesn't, like, when we, in a thousand years. Thank you. Finish the podcast. Two thousand years, actually. You're like, only a podcaster while you're podcasting, but you are an author forever. Yeah, that book's done. Yeah.

Yeah. That's why I did it, so that I could flex on people that I would always have a job title. Put it on your LinkedIn. Author. I might do, actually. Us here at Tony Lodge Writing Services. I get that. It needs work.

We're calling Kyle, who is in Washington, D.C. Oh, Kyle. Or just near Washington, D.C. Ring, ring. Hello? Kyle! Hi. Is this Tony?

Yeah, it's Tony and Ryan. How are you? Oh, hi. I'm great. I'm back in the middle of a soccer game, so I'm a little tired, but it's called great. In the middle of what, sorry? A soccer game. Oh, my God.

Are you playing in the World Cup right now? I hope you're not the fucking goalie. How are you? Well, we're great, but I feel like we should wrap this up, Kyle. Do you mind approving this podcast? Absolutely. Good job. I hope you're up.

Olé, olé, olé, olé. Hi, this is Kyle from College Park, Maryland in the United States, and I approve this podcast. Guys, it's a Friday. It's a video show. Oh my God, sorry. Are you okay? Yeah, sorry. I just got a little bit of skin in my lip and then I just bit it and now I'm regretting

it because it's probably going to start bleeding. Yeah, that's a shame. And everyone's going to say. Yeah. So if you are listening to this podcast on the Spotify app, you can also watch it on the Spotify app and you can also watch it on your smart TV by clicking the little thing and it goes up

onto your screen. Casting. Whatever the kids are calling it these days. That's just what it's called. Coming up, the difference between organised people and not organised people. You hearing it right now? Yeah.

Can you just leave your lip alone? Sorry. Do you need to take a moment? Do we need to do a cut? It's a bit like, you know, when you, like, just do a little bit of something and then it makes it worse when if you just left it, it would have been fine. Don't itch the scratch kind of vibe.

Do you need to take a moment? No. Do we need to call an ambulance? Nurse on call? No, it's okay. I've seen there to take a moment? No. Do we need to call an ambulance? Nurse on call? No, it's okay. See, there's now a vet on call. Really? Yeah, a guy to start.

You should do it. It'll save you a fortune. Oh, I can't because every time we take people to the vet, it's to fucking look at something. Well, it's FaceTime. Are they on FaceTime? Yeah. Or within the app.

An app? Yeah. What's the app called? I'll find it for you. I saw it on the news the other night. Oh, that's my fucking love. Did you see it? That's a An app? Yeah. What's that called? I'll find it for you. I saw it on the news the other night. Oh, that's my fucking love. See, that's a great idea. And how about this?

Is it 24 hours? 24 hours. And it's like a fixed monthly subscription for just unlimited whatever. See, that's how they get you, isn't it? Because how many times do you actually need a call? Tony Lodge, you will spend, if you sign up for that app for a year, that will cost you less than you've spent in the last 48 hours. No, because I get the vet consultations for free.

Yeah, you would because you're spending a fortune down there. No, but because I signed up to their yearly thing. Oh, you did? Yeah. I see you're using them up. They have like a wellness plan thing. Fuck, no one knew that. No, it's not to make my money's worth.

It's because she's got fucking. I paid for it. I'm going to check it. I just go down and I'm like, have you seen this cut on my hand? What do you reckon? And they're like, no, we don't do people medicine. Anyway, that's a really fucking good idea though. I'll find out what it is and I'll put it in the show notes.

Yeah. You can put it in my arsehole. An app about veterinary science. You want that in your arsehole. An app about veterinary science. You want that in your arsehole. Like. Now she's doing the cough thing. I haven't put it in yet. Are you sure we've started the show?

Yeah, I'm really sorry. I just got a little bit like lots is happening. Sorry. Yep. Okay. What did you? Okay, now I'm really sorry. I just got a little bit like lots is happening. Sorry. Yep. Okay. What did you – okay, now I'm not ready. No one's ready. We'll come back tomorrow.

We'll do a Saturday episode instead of a Friday. What did your family do that you thought was normal until later in life you found out it wasn't normal? Now, coming up soon, we will reshare the harrowing poop knife story. Yeah. It's been everywhere. Everyone knows the story, but you can't tell a fucked family tradition story without it. Without it.

Quick revisit to the poop knife. We'll get to that. But first, Sian. She listens to the podcast. She's written in. So this is Sian that you hooked us through to yesterday. Been thinking about it nonstop for about 24 hours. Went on holiday and was asked if I wanted to play.

Sorry, she was on holiday with her friends. Yeah. Oh, friend holiday. Yeah. Oh, so we're guessing she's like an adult at this point? No, I think like it was more like when you go with your friend's family. With your friend's family. Yeah, so.

Did you do that a lot as a kid? Yeah. Yeah, I did that too. With the Parsons. Well, people always came on a lodge holiday. Oh. Because we went to Broome every day. Of course.

So there would always be one or two strugglers that came with us. Yeah, of course. I loved it. It is great. I love it. So Sian is with her friends and her friend's family. Yep. And they say, oh, we've got this like favourite family game that we always play.

It's like a bit of a card game. Do you want to play? Cool. This is what Sian says. Imagine something along the lines of strip poker but with a made-up card game. The friend said that she plays it with her family all the time and it was made up by her uncle.

She thought it was totally normal and it wasn't until I said, oh, I don't think so. And then, you know, over the years she kind of grew up a little bit and was a bit like, oh. That's not okay, eh? No. No. This is feeling a bit like normal or nah family edition.

It is. Nah. Nah. Nah. Sian, have you contacted that friend? To see how she's doing? Yeah, just to check in. I actually think Sian was the. Oh, was likeian was the beacon of light of like, hey, mate.

Yeah, the light bulb moment of like, hey, this is not okay. Okay, that's- You know how we're all hanging out here naked in the caravan park with your uncle? Might not be the vibe. Yeah. And probably Sian got home and her mum goes, how was the holiday with the Smith family?

And she goes, fine, but a bit weird, I guess. Yeah, don't worry about it. Are we going to go back next year? Probably not, eh? Probably not. Yeah, I think I might be sick this time next year and I don't really want to go back to Batemans Bay. Weird.

Not okay. Sian, I'd check back in with that friend. Just make sure they're all good. Good call. See how their therapy's going. Yep. Nikki, I didn't realise that normal- Sorry, can I just ask?

Are the rest of them this kind of vibe? No, they're not on fire. Okay, all right, okay. To be fair, probably wouldn't have started with that if I had my time again. Okay, no, that's fine. Or included it. My story last week, obviously, was, you know, ha-ha, innocently throwing plates at a fan at Christmas.

And now, you know, we're kind of getting into some dark territory. So I just want to make sure. Keep it light. Keep it moving. Just want to check. Good notes. Couldn't agree more. If you had told me that five minutes ago, it would have been even better.

I was busy biting my lip. My mistake. So I couldn't have helped you out then. Nikki. Hi, Nikki. I didn't realize that normal families would say, it's five o'clock somewhere when they had a drink in the afternoon. I thought the saying was, it's noon somewhere because my family started drinking alcohol at noon on the dot.

It wasn't until I was living with my roommate and she asked if I wanted a drink because it's 6pm and I was like, bro, it was midday six hours ago. Am I ahead of you? Yeah, but you're drinking at 10pm. Oh, well, it's 10am somewhere. What's your, what do you think the saying is? Well, five o'clock is the standard one that I thought. Like, it's five o'clock, like knockoff time. Like you finish work at five, like, oh yeah, five o'clock somewhere. That's what I thought it was. Okay. I, I thought it was midday.

Genuinely? Yeah, honestly. And when this person's like, oh, it's five o'clock somewhere, I was like, what the fuck? You did not think that. Yeah, I did. Who said that around you? Especially these days now that I'm an old man,

I'm not really a day drinking type. Back in the day, absolutely. But if you're settling into day drink is different than like, oh, knock off beds. You're at lunch and you're like, should we get a beer? I would just never do that. I had a drink last night with my dinner. Did you?

Yeah. I did. Tulip's made this like huge fucking spaghetti Alfredo that I really, like fettuccine Alfredo that I really felt like. With a cocktail or a wine? I had like a Paloma. Yeah. And the citrus with the fat and the salt in the dish was like perfect.

And I got about halfway through it and I was fucking asleep on the couch. Yeah. Like I don't know how people could drink at midday because then what am I going to do for the rest of the day? I'll be in bed with Drew Barrymore. I won't get anything done. I'll be just having a time, napping away won't get anything done. I'll be just having a time, naffing away. Just enjoying my life.

I'll be the same. Tyler. Now, Tyler never had homemade meals growing up. That wasn't a part of his life. Okay. They didn't do homemade meals. However, when he wrote this in the Tony and Ryan Facebook group, there was some like-

On Facebook, please join. There were some like punctuation and grammar errors. Coming from you. Fucking bit rich, mate. I know I'm not the guy to be getting on any kind of high horse about punctuation and grammar. I know I'm not that guy. You texted me literally yesterday saying, which two do I use in this sentence? For your love to say it.

It turns out it's just a T-O. T-O. Nice one. I remember. And can I just say it's not my area to criticise. I'm just going to tell you what Tyler said. Okay. And we can go from there.

Is this relevant to the story or are you just being a cock? Well, he was trying to share his story and everyone just sort of had a few asterisks and a few follow-up questions. Okay, all right. Read it to me. I feel like the grammar would have share his story and everyone just sort of had a few asterisks and a few follow-up questions. Okay, all right. Read it to me. And I feel like the grammar would have assisted his story. Okay.

So Tyler didn't have homemade meals growing up. What I think he was trying to say. No, tell me what he said. Let me start with what I think he was trying to say. Okay. And then I'll give you how it read because a lot of tapas were like question mark. Just double checking. Yep.

We only eat out. My mum never done much in the kitchen. See how I put a full stop and like took a breath there? This is what Tyler wrote. We only eat out, my mum. Never done much in the kitchen. I mean, that's something everyone can enjoy. Lucky mum.

No. So it's like, what's your family tradition? Tyler's like, we only eat out my mum. And everyone's like, let me stop you right there. Just go with Jackie. A few colour follow-up questions here, son. Right. Yep, okay, I will take that. That is, yep.

What's your family tradition? We only ate out my mum. What did you grow up doing? Oh, I only ate out my mum. What did you grow up doing? Oh, only eating out my mum. I played strip poker with my friend's uncle and believe it or not, that wasn't the worst thing that happened this summer. Way to go to Tyler's house. I have to go home.

Mum's. Wow. Oh, Tyler. Never done much in the kitchen. Were you too busy eating out, Mum? Oh, fuck, that's a sentence. Don't get a mouthful in my kitchen. All right, if you've heard this before, I don't even apologise.

And if you haven't, fucking sit down. We're about to talk about poop knives. Can I very quickly ask something? Sure. I think that there's a flip to this story or this question. What did you grow up thinking only your family did? And then everyone else does it. And then it turns out it's, like, quite a thing.

Like, you know how – so there's things that, like, my parents used to say and then if I heard someone else say it, I'd be like, oh, my mum says that, and they'd go, that's like a common phrase. Right. Yeah. Or like if your mum says, oh, I invented this dinner for you, and then someone says, oh, yeah, I eat sausages in bread.

You go, oh, my mum made that up. She's famous. Is this like how Bridget claimed to invent the feature nail? The feature nail. But she didn't. My wife. Well, tell her that, mate. Okay, I have.

And so have I. And many others have. And she was like, yeah, I started it. I know. She's like, a lot of people have done it since, but she started it apparently. That's a great question. I reckon, yeah.

Put it in the comments. If you've got something where your memories were shattered, your heart was broken because something that you thought your mum made just for you or used to say and you go, my mum made that up. And they didn't. No. I'd love to hear those stories as well.

They really fucking didn't. I'm just thinking for the poop knife story, do you want to play the role of all the other people and I'll be the narrator? Sure, sure. Yeah. Okay. So this bloke is hanging out with the boys.

Oh, you knoway, lads. You want a beer? Yeah, fucking chuck me one. Fucking 10 a.m. somewhere. Having wings, drinking beers, watching the game. Oh, fucking. A real lads-y kind of environment. Did you say Tim Cahill's fucking ball on that ding-dong?

Oh, yeah. Tim Cahill is a real soccer player. World Cup's on at the moment. Yep. Is he still playing the soccer? No, he retired probably half a decade ago. Yeah, cool. So because they're having beers and drinking wings.

What did I say? Having beers and drinking wings. That's what I meant. Oh, that wing is delicious. We're going to need to have my mum. $10 for a coffee machine if you're interested. Because they've had the wings and the beers, he needs to go for a number two.

So he says to the boys, Oh, hang on, lads, I've got to drop the kids off at the pool, if you know what I mean. So he gets to the pool and drops off a large child. And then he yells out to the guy who owns the house because he's looking for something and he says, Oi, mate, where's your shit knife? I mean poop knife.

And then all of his friends look at each other and kind of go, What the fuck's a poop knife? And the guy's in there and he's like, well. He's like, well, what am I going to do with this massive child? Yeah. Sorry, this is. The analogy's gone because especially about to get chopped in half. Yeah. What am I going to do with this massive child? Yeah. Sorry, this is the- The allergy's gone, because especially about to get chopped in half. Yeah.

What am I going to do with this massive load? Oh, no. What am I going to do with this massive deuce? So it turns out that this guy in his family has a big knife in the toilet. So when they do their massive shit, and what the fuck is that family eating? That's what I- I've never done a poo that needed assistance externally so they had a knife in the bathroom that they would use to like cut it in

half to help it like get down the system and in their family that was real normal and so when he asked his friend where's your poop knife and they go what the fuck are you talking about he goes my my friends are the weird ones. Yeah. So anyway. But, I mean, five families against one family. Surely you know that you're on the minority there. Well, this guy maybe not.

So he gets home and he lives with his wife. They've been living together for, you know, three, four, five years sort of thing. Yeah. And he gets home and he goes, the strangest thing happened. Yeah. He says. My friends don't know what a poop knife is. And then his wife kind of goes, do you know this bit?

No. The wife goes, what do you mean? So she's shocked too. Yeah. Because he goes, my friends don't know what a poop knife is. And the wife goes. What are you talking about? What are you talking about? And he goes, my friends don't know what a poop knife is. And the wife goes. What are you talking about? What are you talking about?

And he goes, the poop knife. So what do you mean? He goes, you know that knife we have hanging up on the back of the laundry door at the front of the toilet that we use to like cut our poops in half and push it down? And she goes, oh, you mean that thing I use to open envelopes. You know how people have the... Like a letter opener?

Yeah. She goes, yeah, the one we use for opening letters. Why would that be in the laundry? I think they've got like, you know how some people, the laundry has like a door from the, like the outside door? Oh. They must be like that's where they go out to the carport or the front yard or whatever.

And so that's where she, you know, like it's like the unofficial front door. You know, they've got the fancy front door and then there's like the one you actually use. Yeah, the side door that your friends use, yeah. And so that's where her letter opener was. And he goes, letter opener? You mean the poop knife? And she goes, I've been opening letters with that knife for years.

And he goes, oh, no, that can't be right. That's the poop knife. Do you remember only recently when we heard the dog story, someone told us that, a story, we're not going to revisit it, but they told us a story that ended up meant it wasn't their story. They'd heard an iteration of it, but it had been kind of viral on Reddit. Has it got a whiff of this? I haven't heard this version of the story.

What did you hear? So I maybe heard the next generation down where the kids all know about the poop knife. So maybe you just said that the husband and wife have been living together for about three years. I maybe heard 10 years later and the kids all know about the poop knife. I didn't know that this was like where it started. I didn't know it was a letter opener.

Well, maybe he's one of the kids. All I know is that the wife didn't know and she lived in the house. So was he cleaning it? Well, here's the thing. He thought that she was cleaning it because she, you know, it's like a traditional American, like the wife does the cleaning and he went to work and she's like, I've never cleaned it. Why would I clean the letter opener? So is he just like wiping the turd off after he- Well, he's just overly gone for a clean slice, for lack of a better term, and just hanging But surely you're going to need to do a bit of a swipe with some toilet paper or something. I never thought about it, but now you say that.

Sure, because you never- You have to. You have to. Even if it is a, as you so eloquently put it- A clean break. A clean slice, you're still going to need to give that a swipe with the... That's fucking grim, actually. I feel sad.

The fact that five of his friends were like, nah, bro, and he's like, you're all cooked. And he's back to me. Wait till my wife hears about this. But also, like, with your partner, so like, and I know that your wife doesn't poop. Never has, never will. But my husband.

According to her, I'm open to it. I literally just said my husband. I don't have a husband. My boyfriend, Tom. Me, you practically do. I've got some news, everyone. My boyfriend and I talk about our poos all the time. Or if, like, we've both, we obviously always eat the same thing.

Yeah. And if I go, oh, that's really turned my tummy. Like, are you feeling all right? Yeah. I just can't imagine a world where he doesn't come out of the toilet and go, oh, that one needed the knife. Like how has that never happened? Never happened once.

Or if she goes, fuck, I've got a bit of a crooked tummy, he goes, oh, yeah, you won't need the knife. Like that's coming straight out. How does it not come up in conversation for years? Yeah, like how has like that not just casually entered the conversation? Or maybe it didn't. she just went, what? And then never thought about it again. I need to chop that one in half.

Okay. Yeah. Is that a bit like it's always 10 o'clock somewhere or whatever? So you go, oh, yeah, got to chop that one in half. It's just like a thing people say. Oh, that saying. Oh, we have this quirky saying about, like, better get an eye to cut it in half. Yeah, but he's actually like sawing it in half.

Let us know, A, if you have a family. In fact, compared to that, I don't want to know. Yeah. Don't tell me what your family does. But I would like to know if people had their heart shattered when they found out that, like, their mum didn't invent fairy bread.

Yeah. Or something like that. Like, you go, my mum does this one thing, and then everyone goes, nah, that's our common eye. Like, I'd like to hear those heartbreaking stories. Hi, this is Kyle from College Park, Maryland in the United States and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. Tony has just said during the break that she is threatening

to give Bridget and I his and hers poop knives for Christmas. Wouldn't that be a great wedding gift? Like, you know how that's the kind of... His and hers engraved? Yeah. But it's like a silver sword. Yeah. It's got, like, his and hers.

It says, like, RD and BD on the... Unlike your love, this poo will be sword in her. Oh! May you stay forever and your poops be split. That's beautiful. Thank you. It would have been better if it rhymed, but that's okay. We can work on it.

Do a live workshop? All right. May your poos be split, but your marriage not be shit. Your love will not quit, but your poos will be split. Love that. Put them both on a card. Put them both on there. We've got two swords, so we could put one on each.

Yeah, don't do that hand movement you just did. Yeah. I think thank you to a few of our champion tapas, if you know what I'm saying. Emily Pallett, thank you so, so much. We fucking love you. Yeah. Justin Nelson, just in time for me to love you.

Good job. Mary Payne. Mary, not a pain in my ass because I love you. Kaylee Skolnick. Kaylee, sit on my skull and call me Nick because I love you. And Nicholas Glees, the original Glees. Yeah, okay. One of the-

A gaggle of Glees. A gaggle of Glees. Yeah. One of the. A gaggle of Glees. A gaggle of Glees. So Nicholas actually thinks that he should be the original because his last name is Glees. It's not Gleeson. Okay. He's got a point there. So now we've got an OG Glees. It's a turf ball.

A big Glees and a little Glees. So Anna Gleeson is little Glees because she came second. Don't we all? So we've got a gaggle of Glees. So Anna Gleeson is Little Glees because she came second. Don't we all? So we've got a gaggle of Glees happening in the Patreon. I fucking love it. I love that too. You'll love to see it. On Monday, an announcement.

Yes. The 2023 lineup for the podcast will be announced, which is really exciting news. Tony and Ryan and? I thought we. Well, this is more suspenseful. Oh, okay. Because you're not going to go Tony and Ryan.

That doesn't sound like anything. So Tony and Ryan and who? Okay. I think people will like it. I think people are nervous because you know when the line-up changes on your favourite show. If it ain't break, don't fix it. What? No. If it don't favourite show. If it ain't break, don't fix it. What?

No. If it don't, yeah. If it's not broken, don't fix it. You said if it ain't break, don't fix it. I hate it here. Stop bullying me. If you love darn shit, call me a clit. What was the thing you said?

That's not it. That is not it. If it won't go down in one, split it out of your boat. I don't know. I don't know. Okay. If it won't come out in one, call your local nun. Because you need Jesus.

Sorry. We only eat out. Thanks, Tyler. And touch her front bum. There are two types of people in this world. There are organised and there are disorganised. Between the two of us, which is which? I would say that I tend to be the more organised one,

but we probably both have our moments. But I guess traditionally. Generally, I would say that I'm the one calling the calendar and you're, you know. So last week you gave me the recommendation that maybe I should keep my gym membership here in Richmond, which is just down the road from our studio. Oh, yeah. So I don't live here anymore, but we work here, obviously.

So what would you say? You live like what? Half an hour drive, no traffic? Yeah. No, half an hour, 45 minutes away. And you said, hey, why don't you keep that gym membership and you can go before work? Yeah. Or after work.

Yep. So. Because then it's like, you know how you're trying to like fit it into your routine rather than it being like, I get home. Oh, and then I've got to go back to the gym. It's like, if you're already out, maybe you're more likely to go. For an organized person. Sure. Great idea. Okay. Yep. That's fair.

Now I'm not saying what you said to me was a bad recommendation, but let me give you some details and context from an unorganized person and I'll give you the opportunity to maybe change your recommendation. Okay. Point one, if I go to the gym before work, it means I need to get to the gym on time. Yes. I then need to finish at the gym on time so I've got enough time to shower so then I have enough time to get to work on time. Yes.

You're rarely on time anyway, so this is interesting that you're even thinking about it, to be honest. But, yes, I do see what you're saying. And kind of like because when you go to the gym before work, you're kind of thinking about it, to be honest. But, yes, I do see what you're saying. And kind of like because when you go to the gym before work, you're kind of thinking about it the whole time. Unless you're doing a class when you go, cool, I know the class has to finish at 6.50. But, yeah, I know what you mean.

Or what if like the machine you need to use is being used and you're like waiting around to use that machine and whatever? Yeah. The gym I go to is just full of old people, isn't it? There's never a machine you're waiting for. I love that gym that you go to, that machine and whatever. Yeah. The gym I go to is just full of old people, isn't it? There's never a machine you're waiting for. I love that gym that you go to, the Leisure Centre. It's really good. The pool is awesome.

Point number two. Okay, sorry. Which really showed its head last week. Uh-huh. Not only do I need to remember to dress myself. Yeah. And go to the gym before work. So your exercise clothes.

I also need to remember to bring a yeah going to the gym before work so you exercise clothes i also need to remember to bring a towel yeah and i need to remember to bring clean socks clean underwear and remember to bring clothes to then put on to go to work so this is where the problem arises of you not really being a bag guy you know how you have said before that like at school and stuff you never took a bag yeah so you're kind of thinking about packing your work bag, so like your computer and your mouse and fucking whatever, but also your Everlast bag with your exercise clothes in it. Last Friday I came to your house after going to the gym.

Do you remember the T-shirt that I was wearing? You were wearing a Dylan Friends shirt. Yeah. So Dil. The podcast, Dylan Friends, we share the same studio, we work in the same office. I went to the gym and did a full workout. I was on the treadmill.

On Friday morning? Yep. I was on the rower. Didn't you come to my house at 8am? Yeah, I was at the gym at 10 past 6. Good job. So I was on the rower. I was on the treadmill doing a bit of weights.

I don't mind swinging a kettlebell. Oh, nice. That kind of vibe. Was it the gym here? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so I finish. I go, oh, it's probably time to go. Finish my workout, jump in the shower.

And they've got like the kind of communal, like a bit of a body wash thing. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Question. You're doing thongs in a communal shower? But. Why didn't you take it out of our slides? Again, if I had have thought about it, I would have. Yeah, but yeah, but yeah.

Because originally I got to the shower and I was like. I didn't bring. It was the first time. I get out, dry myself off with a towel that I brought. Nice. Did you have, question, did you have an exercise towel and a bath towel? No, just one towel. So you wiped yourself down with your

sweaty towel you'd been exercising with? I didn't overly use the towel. Okay. Oh, weren't that sweaty. Yeah, I don't know which is worse. So then I put my underwear in. Great. Clean pair. New pair. Yep. I put my clean socks on. Yep. Put my jeans on and my shoes on. Do you go socks then jeans? That's fucking weird. No, whatever's the normal way I did that. And then I realised I didn't have a shirt. Right. So what shirt was I wearing when I got to your house? Merch from another podcast in this building.

I left the gym. Shirtless. My Nike casual shoes on, clean socks, jeans, clean undies, backpack on and no shirt. And walked out of that gym bit through the corridor, down along the pool where everyone's swimming before work, out through reception, shirtless with a backpack. I don't know.

For some reason, that made it worse. And then went and got in my car, drove to work, called Dylan, said, you guys got any merch out the back? I think I need a T-shirt. You guys got an XL? He goes, yeah, yeah, grab whatever you want. So then I put the shirt on, wiped away my tears and then came to your house on time at eight o'clock.

You were bang on time. So now, not that I'm saying it was a bad recommendation in the first place, but for me, do you reckon this before work is maybe a little bit too much work? It is maybe a little ambitious. The visual of you wearing jeans and full-on shoes and a backpack and no shirt is frankly hilarious. And I just, I, people might have, I actually am lost for words.

People probably thought you were the biggest D-bag. People would have been like, oh, he thinks he's got a real fucking rig, he's walking around with jeans and shoes on. Coming out of the gym all buffed up. Because if you were wearing like shorts and thongs or something, he's obviously just had a swim, all good. But you're wearing like a full outfit. Yep.

With no shirt. Yep. At what point did you not think that just popping your sweaty shirt on, back on was better? Okay, first of all, not that I'm out here telling you how great a workout I did, but it was pretty sweaty. Okay. Because I did the treadmill with the incline, which is a sweaty one.

You're a fan of that. Sometimes if it's like just weights, maybe you can get away with it. Yeah. So it was already a bit sweaty and then here was the kicker. And, again, hindsight, I would have maybe tried to salvage it or something. Yeah. I took it off and put it on the ground. Yeah, because you're like, I don't need that.

It's gone in the plastic bag. But the ground was wet. Yeah. And it was like, I don't need that. It's gone in the plastic bag. But the ground was wet. Yeah. And it was like, you know. No, I know. I get it. The wetness of a public bathroom change. It's also like when you're in the shower, in a public shower,

and you're in the cubicle, everything gets damp anyway. It does. It's really hard to get dressed after a shower at the gym. So I thought about it, and trust me, when you say the thought of it's harrowing, I was so aware, but I looked down at the shirt on the ground and I went, as fucked as me walking out of here without a shirt is. That's worse. That's probably more fucked, eh?

I mean, both of us literally just went, oh, you would not wear thongs in the shower. You're probably not putting that shirt on your body. And then turning up to your place, you know what I mean? Like going, oh. And then because I was like, at least I'm clean now. If I put the dirty shirt back on, I'm dirty again. Why didn't you just ask Torbs for a shirt?

Why did you ask? Well, I had to come here anyway. Okay. But it was more like, well, I'd still have to get to your place. So my other question is, and this is kind of making me more fucking angry, Dil told you you could just take a shirt. So I got to your house wearing the shirt and you went, oh, Dylan Friends merch.

I just bought some. Yeah, I fucking bought it. And not only, no, not only did I fucking buy it, I paid for shipping, which is like $8. You fucking idiot. And I've literally only just got the thing that says, oh, your Dylan Friends merch is coming to your address between 9.35 and 11am. Are you getting it delivered to work at your house? No, my house.

Did you not? It's in the back room. Well, I was trying to be a supportive friend. Is he in it? Yeah, go and get him. Go and fucking get him. We're on the video show. I'll pad.

I'm just letting everybody know. It's so good to talk to you. Deal's coming. Deal's coming on my face. Have a seat, mate. Hey, mate. I'll swing my mic around for you. Here's Deal. So's coming on my face. Have a seat, mate. Hey, mate. I'll swing my mic around for you. Here's Dil.

So this is a video show, so you're on camera. Is it live? No, it's not live, but it is a video show. Oh, beautiful shirt, by the way. Thank you. Great merch. No, no, no. This is so nice.

I bought your book. Yeah. I bought your book. Yeah, but I didn't give it to any- Signed copy. Signed copy of your book on booktopia.com. And you know what the first thing was she said? She said, did you use my affiliate code?

I was like, fucking. I was like, fuck. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much. Get the hell out of here. So I get extra kickback. I was like, man. Is that right?

If you use your code, you get a kickback? It is true, yeah. Yeah, and by the way, I will say this. I did order you some jumpers in and Spotify stole them when they were in here last time. They did, actually. Okay. So Tony just found out that I got a free shirt. Oh, here we invoice for that.

Yeah, did you wash it and bring it back? Fold it out the back. No, I'll pay. If you order a t-shirt, you might get the one that Ryan fucking put his sweaty body in. Tony paid for shipping to get it delivered to here. Yeah, I know. Yeah, $8. That's a fucking lot.

That's pretty good. That's a pretty good deal, actually. To get it shipped from the back room. What was the website again? From the fucking office that I pay rent at. It's been lovely. I'm going to weep at the moment. Yeah, cool.

See you later in the meeting. These are on sale as well. See you later, mate. Yeah, great fucking plug for the beers. $8 coming off the rent next week. Yeah, 100%. Well, I'm glad you got a free shirt. Maybe you and I could share it because you didn't pay for it.

Oh, I will pay for it. It's like I'll pay for your book. You know what I might do? Get you some merch for Secret Santa if you're who I wrote. It's like I'll pay for your book. You know what I might do? Get you some merch for Secret Santa. If you're who I picked, not sure who I got you. If I get Dylan Friends merch from you for Secret Santa, I'm going to be so fucking pissed off. What do you love to see?

Oh, this is actually great. This is one of my favourite you love to see. That's a big call. Well, if yours is really good, do you want me to go first? Well, you said that on Wednesday and then you told the best story of all time. Yeah, and then I blew it out the water. Yeah, true, true, true, true, true. That's fucking up.

It's good. This story is not about smosh smodges. Okay. But smosh smodges, can I just put this on the record, is the Tony and Ryan pizza deliverer of choice. Yes. Of all the tapas, he is top of the chain. If I wanted my pizza delivered by anyone,

and I'm about to tell this story about a lovely pizza driver, but I just want Smosh and everyone to know... To know that he is the official pizza deliverer of the tarp. This is just some other pizza guy. Yeah. It was wholesome as fuck, though. Honkron is their name. I suspect that's just like an online name.

Okay. This is what they write. There is a family that Thursday night must just be their pizza night. Thursday night, we do pizzas. Love that. Mum, dad, two kids, suburban house. Thursday night, pizza night. End of the week, let's get some pizzas.

Love that. And I deliver to their house every Thursday. They've got like a, it must be, I don't know if it's a glass front door or a front room, but basically the kids can be in the house And they're like looking To see when he's going to arrive So when you pull in the driveway You can see the kids

Because that's probably Their most exciting part of the week I remember We would never get takeaway as kids So that would be huge And like I said Thursday night must be Fucking pizza night

Here you go Now the Honkron assumes The children About five or seven You know That sort of age. Approximately.

Approximately. And they call him Mr Pizza. As soon as I drive in the driveway, they're already waiting. I can see them in the window. And they start jumping and yelling and they're like, Mr Pizza, Mr Pizza, he's here. Most people are pretty friendly. But it actually just fills me with so much joy, says Honkron.

Every time I wake up on a Thursday morning, I wake up with a smile because I know I'm going to go and see that family because it's pizza day and I'm going to get called Mr Pizza. And he gives them the pizza and the kids have, like, the money and they're like, here you go, Mr Pizza. And he gives them all a high five and the kids take the pizza back. And that's just the cutest fucking thing ever. I love to see that. the cutest fucking thing ever.

I love to see that. That is fucking so sweet. A final comment from Honkron. Yes. The only thing more melted than the cheese on that pizza is my heart. I'm actually about to cry. That is fucking adorable. Mr Pizza.

Mr Pizza. And you just know that the kids wake up on a Thursday morning as well and they go, we get pizza tonight. It's pizza night. We're going to see Mr Pizza. He's going to come around. Oh, that is... I really wish that I'd gone first. Because that is really sweet.

I know it's like not the same charm because when you do Uber Eats, it's always someone different. Yeah. But I'm going to start calling them Mr. Insert Whatever I Ordered. Oh. Hello, Mr. Dumpling. Oh, that could sound a bit fucked if it's. Yeah.

Okay, maybe not. You order pizza a lot, Mr. Pizza. Mr. Kebab. Mr. Maccas. Mr. Maccas. Mr. Hungover Coffee with a shot of vanilla. Ew. Yeah. That's not Mr. Hungover Coffee with a shot of vanilla. Ew. Yeah.

That's not what you order, is it? If I've had a bender. Not for a while. Oh, no. A shot of syrup? Will you hang it like a vanilla latte? Yeah, I do know. It's fucking sweet.

If I can cast my mind back 15 years ago to the first coffee I ever drank. At Gloria Jean's. I think it's Gloria Jean's. They have, it's called the Very Vanilla Latte. That's what it's called. That sounds fucking shit. And so I wrote, and I used to, it was like a real treat because it was sweet and it was gross.

And it was like my, like, pick me up if I had like a rough day. I'm like, I'm just going to go. Yeah. So. So you go in there, oh, Mr. Latte. But so I said, oh, yeah, just the vanilla latte. And the girl knows she has to say this because it's her job and she needs to clarify because there's a lot of different variations.

But she also is aware of how fucking lame this name is. And she goes, did you mean the very vanilla latte? And I could see her heart just go, I fucking hate it here. I'm really sorry. And I was like, and I don't want to admit to ordering the very. But that's what it is, yeah. I was like, nah, just a strong man, masculine, with a shot of hard stuff.

Can I get the shot of the vanilla latte? Yeah. Because I really like that. And then I go, yeah, it is, in fact, the very vanilla latte. Vanilla latte. And she goes, I'm sorry. I'm like, so am I. Yeah, I'm sorry I had to make it.

I'm sorry I had to order it. What's your love to see it? Mrs. Podcast. My love to see it is licorice. You should have gone first. I did say. Is that what has inspired your jacket? Because it's like, you know how licorice has that shine?

Think about what you're saying. Did licorice inspire my jacket? This bomber jacket that I'm wearing? It's slick and black. Is licorice not slick and black? Yeah, but like, just think about what you're saying. That's so dumb. Of all the dumb things you've said, that's dumb.

First of all. That's fucking dumb. I'm not saying it's not dumb, but for you to accuse me of it being the dumbest is fucking a stretch in itself. That's what I'm saying. That's a dumb thing to say. I like licorice and I like your jacket. No, that's fine, but like, I like pizza and I like the movie Princess Diaries.

They're not the same thing. They were the first two things that popped into my head. Can you believe that? It's been a long week, eh? It is. How good's licorice? I agree. It's fucking good.

Red licorice, black licorice, fucking, it's all good. Do you like licorice and other stuff? Yes. Like a licorice ice cream? I've never had a licorice ice cream. Do you like Sambuca? I do like Sambuca, actually. Yeah. The aniseed-y taste. Yeah, because you can get

that aniseed-y taste you can get, like, obviously not too much because licorice is so strong, but like that mixed in with an ice cream and a messina type thing. Oh, I've never had that, but that would be good. I really like licorice. And I bought a bag the other day. Torbs actually bought me a bag to eat on the plane when we went to Jakarta, of all things.

And I was like, I haven't had licorice in fucking ages. And I didn't open it while we were away. And on the weekend, I was like, I feel like something sweet. What could I have? Did you bring it back into the country? It's sealed candy. Don't do that. It's sealed candy.

It's fine. My boyfriend gave me a bag. It's sealed. Yeah, I'm surprised you boyfriend gave me a bag it's sealed yeah i'm surprised you're allowed three customs the girl at customs listened to the podcast and waved us through remember lucky she did anyway um yeah hey you listen to the podcast right don't fucking check that pocket it's full of goods goods licorice licorice um nose licor. Booger sugar. Nose candy. Anyway, and I didn't open it.

And then I opened it on the weekend. I was like, fuck yeah, this is good. That is good. Yeah, so I just wanted to share that. Love to say that. Yeah. I love to say that. I mean, Mr. Pizza obviously was like up there. And what I said wasn't as...

If it makes you feel any better, yours maybe not as good as Mr. Pizza, but a lot better than the comparison of licorice to your jacket. So at least it wasn't as... If it makes you feel any better, yours may be not as good as Mr. Pizza, but a lot better than the comparison of licorice to your jacket. So at least it wasn't the worst part. That was... I'd forgotten about that. I'd fucking scrubbed it from my memory. Good call. I blacked out while you said that. That was awful.

Re-scrub. Thank you so much for listening and watching. If you're watching the video show or casting to your TV... Thanks to Dylan Friends for making an appearance. Yeah, very exciting stuff. On Monday is a really exciting day. Yep. I hope you'll support the person.

Don't be... Yeah. I mean, I don't really have a choice. Don't be scared of change. I don't have a choice, do I? Well, you don't. Not now. Not really.

It's too late. It's kind of happening. It's on Not really. It's too late. It's kind of happening. It's on. Yeah. It's on. I know the Tarbers are a supportive community and they'll get around them. Hopefully. Nah.

You know how sometimes when there's a line-up change, people don't respond well? I've got faith. I've got faith. Tony and Ryan and coming soon. And licorice. And Tony's jacket that looks a little bit like licorice. See you, man. Love you.

Bye.