Toni and Ryan - F@#$!% PHYLLIS!

Episode Date: February 23, 2022

Phyllis from Pennsylvania has had it worse than ANY of us! Love you all (but not Phyllis) T xxx Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is Stephanie. Stephanie, it's Tony and Ryan. Will you approve our podcast? Oh, talkie pie. Of course I'll approve. Yes. Thank you, Stephanie. Hi.

Oh, my God. Hello. Where are you? What are you doing? I am in San Antonio, Texas. So how does someone in San Antonio find our little podcast in Melbourne? How did that actually happen? No, it was probably a typo.

She went to write San Antonio, but she wrote San Antonio and Ryan, and it was an accident. Hey, this is Stephanie from San Tony and Ryan podcast. Am I doing my little story in this episode or not? Yeah. Okay, great. Because I've got to write it down. I was like, should I start thinking about that?

What is that? What's coming up, mate? Well, I wanted to talk about new obnoxious Tony. She's back. She's back. She's back. Yeah. I'm very fun this year.

No, it's not obnoxious. It's fun, new, carefree Tony going with the wind and the breeze or whatever. New obnoxious Tony is on the way. Also, yesterday with my love to see it, I mentioned this lady who is 70 years old and she's finally found love again. She didn't think she was going to be single at 70, heaven forbid,

and then she's met a new guy, she's got an engagement ring, it's beautiful, and then you off there said, oh, you've seen the replies? What happened? What did I miss? So I recall seeing the tweet that you were talking about. Yeah, I thought it was beautiful. Don't ruin this for me.

Are you going to ruin it for me? No, well, so someone replied to the tweet and said, look, it is so hard to go through loss and I'm so happy that you found love again. Oh, great. So it's a nice story. And she replied again and said he actually cheated on me and I kicked him out.

Oh, shit, I didn't know that. on me and I kicked him out. Oh, shit, I didn't know that. I'm pretty sure I saw it in the Facebook group of Life Uncut. Oh, no. So how did he die? He cheated on me so I killed him. Yes. So I fucking murdered him.

Oh, my God. And I almost passed out. That's where I thought you were going with that. But, yeah, a little update. I'll see if I can find it. I'll post the screenshot in the... I don't know And I almost passed out. That's where I thought you were going with that. But, yeah, a little update. I'll see if I can find it. I'll post the screenshot in the. I don't know if I want to anymore. I was like, what a sweet old lady.

Oh, but it's still sweet. Like, she obviously went through fucking heartbreak. And then she was like, you know what? Like, I'm having a great time. And I was like, good for you, babe. All right. Last week we did dumbest things you've ever heard. Yeah.

I love this so much. So great. Oh, we're doing more? Yeah. Where I, oh. So because people in the Tony and Ryan podcast community are polite, they're nice and very understanding, when someone says something fucking dumb, we polite people go, oh.

Oh, okay. Yeah, sure. Nice. So here's an opportunity for Tony, on your behalf, to say what you really wanted to say in that moment. Yes, yeah, or like those comebacks that you think of two days later in the shower. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm the king of that. Oh, me too. And then I told him this. Did you? No, I just thought of that on the way home. And I literally tell you stories all the time. I'll be like, oh, someone really fucked me off at Coles.

And you'll be like, oh, really? And I'll tell you the story and I'll be like, yeah. And you know what? You can't fucking do that, bro. And you'll go, did you say that? I'll be like, no. No, I stepped out of the way. No, I drove him home and took care of him.

Yeah, I paid for his groceries. Hilda Poops lives in Iceland. Sorry? Hilda. Hilda, yep. Hilda Poops lives in Iceland. Does she? Does she poops in Iceland?

Are you making fun of her name? Sorry. No, I would never. Hilda Poops. Yep. She works in a small town in a hotel and it was a beautiful evening. You used to work in a hotel. I did used to work in a hotel.

So this must be relatable for you. Yep. Something broke in our hotel room the other day and I had to call, like, the maintenance guy and they come in and they're like, I'm so sorry. And I'm like, mate, it's fine. I used to work in a hotel. Shit breaks all the time. It's not your fault.

I get it. And he's like, oh. And you, in that situation, get to be the cool guy that doesn't mind? Oh, it's more just, like, the amount of rich pricks in hotels that just think they can own the joint and yell at staff. I don't know, it does my head in. Sometimes the computer doesn't work. It's not your fault.

Yeah, but you get to then be that cool guy like, mate, I used to work in a hotel, mate. I get it. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. They're like, cool. I do that at the deli. And they're like, oh, we don't.

Like there'll be someone going off about the fucking chicken wings and they'll be like, ugh, and I'll look at them and go, I used to work in a deli. I get it. What a bitch. What a bitch, yeah. You are, yeah. And they give you a little free slice.

Oh, yeah. Us deli kids a little free slice. Oh, yeah. Us deli kids take care of themselves. Yeah, it's true. When you work at the front desk of a hotel, and as I said, I used to work there, you often get questions that are, I'd say, outside the scope of your job. Oh, I can imagine.

But it's always like, where's a good place for dinner? Yeah. Where do we go and do this? And you kind of... You're like, I'm not a fucking tour guide. Yeah, but then when you're in hospitality, you're kind of like, oh, well, I mean, I'm going to do my best to answer. Of course. Especially when I worked in Melbourne. I'm proud of Melbourne. I love Melbourne. So people are like, what's great about Melbourne? You're like, well, fucking hell, how much time do you have?

Yeah, and I'm like, oh, you know, I'm spreading the good word. So Hilda Poops is at the front desk. And this lady named Sarah comes down. So not Sarah, but Sarah. Yep. And she's holding a massive map. And so Hilda's going, oh, here we go. They're probably, you know, ask for directions.

Oh, where do I find? Yeah. Sarah comes down on this glorious evening and says, oh, what a beautiful night in Iceland. And Hilda goes, sure is. And, you know, you can imagine the stars and the skies. Oh, gorgeous, yeah. So then Sarah goes, it's a great night for star spotting

and I just read on Twitter it's a great night to see the moon. Can you tell me where that is? And keep in mind that Hilda is very polite and she's a professional. She's working at the front desk. Yep. If you head down to the park, it's a great clear view of the sky. But, of course, the answer and what she really wanted to say is. Look up, you stupid mole.

So where is it? Up. It's in the fucking sky. Yeah. It's actually the same in any country. Up still up. You can travel anywhere in the world. It's still in the same place.

Which is? Up, you stupid mother. The fact she's holding a map as if you go, oh, that's the, oh, I didn't even think about the map. She's like, where on this map is the moon? That's what she said. Oh, Sarah, get an H and call yourself Sarah. Fuck off.

I bet you Hilda wanted to say that as well. Yeah. I'll pass that on to Hilda and see if she wants to use it. Yeah, send it on. Now, this isn't a dumb request, but let me just read how this plays out. Okay. Andrea, this is rich coming from me. Because you're rich?

She said, this is one of the great mispronunciations you'll hear. Have you seen the people that say it's so funny that you always pronounce wrong? How do I pronounce it? So you say mispronunciations, but it's mispronunciations? No, that's just you being rich, a fancy like, oh, pronunciations. It's pronunciations. Like when you pronounce something, pronunciation. People are going to go, oh, I can't wait, RIP you.

I think I might be proving my case, but it is a bit rich for me to be talking about mispronunciations. Actually, Tony, you be Andrea working in the cafe. Yep. I'll be proving my case, but it is a bit rich for me to be talking about mispronunciation. Actually, Tony, you be Andrea working in the cafe. Yep. I'll be the customer. Oh, my God. And keep in mind, she's a waitress. She's trying to be nice.

The customer's always right. Blah, blah, blah. Oh, yep. Oh, hi. Can I get a fucker cheer? Sorry? Yeah, I'll just get the fucker cheer. Sorry, what were you after?

It says here on the menu the fuckachia. Okay. What's in that? Do you know what's in that? Well, it's 1996, so there's probably brie, turkey breast. Oh, a focaccia. A fuckachia. You mean a fuckachia.

Sorry, of course. I'll grab you one right away. And toasted, please. A toasted fuckateer coming right up. Fuckateer. I thought you were saying fucking chair. I mean, maybe they were so far off for Kasia. I mean, who's to say?

But also a for Kasia. When and where did this happen? Well, 1996 in Britain. A focaccia. Because one thing that people in hospitality will tell you is that even if you're right, people don't like to be corrected. No. So if they say focaccia and you go, oh, do you mean focaccia?

The wrong kind of person will go, they don't like to. No, it's fucking. And you're like, well, I don't care. Yeah. Like, I just work here, bro. I'm not going to have a fight about your fuck a cheer. Literally. Yeah.

I took myself on a sexy holiday a couple of years ago, like just for a couple of days at a winery. And I went by myself for like three days. It was lovely. And I was in the restaurant by myself and I just was sitting there reading my book and whatever and I ordered a glass of the QV and it's QV, like a Bubbles. And I don't give a fuck.

Like normally if I'm anywhere and I order a glass of red, I'll be like, can I please have a glass of red and whatever is the cheapest because I can't fucking tell the difference. Like I actually, whatever it is. I enjoy it. But the $80 or the $4? Yeah, I'm going the $4, Don't get me wrong, I enjoy it, but the $80 or the $4, it's all fucking used to me, mate. I'm going the four bag.

Like, that's just it. And the girl goes, do you mean cuvee? And I was like, I'd like to speak to your manager. You didn't? No, of course I didn't. Tony Karen Lodge. No, of course I went, yeah, man'm in the QB. I'm so sorry. I'm so embarrassed.

Probably just bring extra bread. Oh, fuck a chair. Fuck a chair. That is fucking funny. That is fuck a chair funny. Charlie Lucas is from Pennsylvania. And just straight off the top, I just want to say Charlie's doing well. Oh, okay. Last March, he was helicoptered to hospital.

Like, things weren't looking great. Oh. So he's not doing well? No, like I said, it's worked out okay. Oh, sorry. I see, I see, I see. So last March, helicoptered to hospital. Wow, that must have been serious.

Stayed there for two weeks. Severe heart failure. Oh, Charlie. So he was in the wars a little bit there. Oh, and now he's wasting his life listening to us. Yeah, I was like some people when you have that like near-death experience, you're like, well, I'm not going to waste another day. I'm not going to waste a second.

I'm going to do this. And for someone to have gone through that and listened to this podcast, I mean, mate, surely there's better things. Yeah. But again, Charlie. You're probably not going to get a third chance, Charlie. Like I wouldn't fuck around. Don't waste this one.

Don't waste this one. Seriously, though. Thanks for listening. And great to hear you're doing better. Yes, I'm glad you're healthy. This is awesome. Yeah. So he finally is able to live without machine. Like it was pretty.

Oh, wow. Yeah. Weeks later. Like life support and stuff. Yeah. Yeah, wow. I mean your heart fails. You're like, fuck. Yeah. That's hectic. Yeah. So then a few weeks after that he's finally allowed to leave the hospital and you kind of, I would assume he was like, you know, you've lost weight because you haven't really been eating. You'd be weak and frail. So he's gone through a bit. Wow. And just your body recovering

from that would be, you'd be exhausted. So time in the machine, time in the hospital, then he finally gets out and you're not doing much because your body's so depleted. He finally gets to go to church and probably a good call because after surviving that and saying thanks to the big guy. Yeah, cheers, mate. Appreciate that one, bud.

So after all that he's been through, he sits down in church and Phyllis says, fellow church girl, Phyllis, hey mate, where have you been? Is everything alright? Because obviously he looks... And because in a church community, it's quite close-knit, so they'd be like, oh, I see the same people every week, yeah. This fucks me off to no end. Oh, Phyllis, fuck off. Sorry, can we just make a joke about Phyllis from Pennsylvania? Like no one else is thinking about The Office?

Great, me either. Is that, I'm not a. Phyllis is like a character. Oh, really? Yeah, and it's all based in Scranton, Pennsylvania. I didn't click on that. Old man's hands for refrigeration. He goes and explains, I've had heart failure.

I've been living in the hospital. I've been on the machine. Oh, my God. And imagine Phyllis. She's like, holy fuck, Charlie, are you all right? Well, you'd expect that from Phyllis, wouldn't you? Oh, okay, yeah. And then Phyllis says, and I'll get you to respond

how Charlie should have responded. He was obviously polite. Oh, says Phyllis. When I eat my food too quickly, sometimes I get a bit of acid reflux, so I totally understand. They're the same. They are the same. You're right, Phyllis.

Are you okay? Do you want my seat? Did you want to sit down instead of me because I could stand at the back if you need this spot? Do you need this spot, Phyllis? Oh, no. So Charlie, because he's a lovely guy, says, oh, yeah, it sucks, doesn't it? Anyway, I'm glad we're both all good now.

But I'm sure that maybe, maybe Charlie's not that kind of guy. If that was me, what I would have wanted to say to Phyllis would be. I actually. I'm be... I actually... I'm throwing up. I actually can't get my head around it either. No, because that is just such a fucking tone-deaf fucking thing to say. Or maybe do you just go, yeah, I know that you know what it's like.

Like, you really turn it up. Like, you go... You pretend to have another heart attack. How many weeks did you spend in hospital for acid reflux? Have you been on life support as well? Will you want to get a fucking life fillers and fuck off? Yeah. That's what I would say. I actually don't think I would know what to say in that situation.

So all I can say is, hey, Charlie, I feel for you, but I actually don't understand what you've been through. Actually, I've had acid reflux before and I know what he's going through. I can't empathise. Tony can. I can. I can't. But what I will say is that I'm glad that you're with us

and sharing your story because that is, I don't want to say harrowing because I get teased every time I use that word, but that is, I can't say heartbreaking because I don't want to make a joke about a heart. All I'll say is, Charlie, I love you. Thanks for listening. And let's hit Phyllis with our car. She's not going to get a fucking second chance, that's for sure.

I actually understand what it's like to be hit by a car because I've got a sore toe. It rubs on my shoe. Yeah, I hate that. Yeah, they're the same, yeah. Oh, you've been eaten by a shark. Yeah. I've eaten shark before.

Yeah, I ate some fish and there was a bit of bone in there. Yeah, lost a leg, prick in the mouth. Prick in the mouth. Talking about myself all night. Sorry. This happens every Thursday. Fucking Phyllis. That's what this episode's going to be called.

Fucking Phyllis. Anyway, so, oh, well, now I feel bad that Charlie's, like, had this life-changing experience and I'm going to talk about how I'm, like, fun and young now. I mean, Charlie's still both of those things, mate. He didn't age 70 years in the two weeks he was in there. Well, he's hanging out with someone called Phyllis, so I fucking beg to deal with him.

He's my best friend, Phyllis. Yeah, no, you say that, yeah. Well, so at the beginning of the year, we had a bit of a chat about how after I went on holiday, I was in Albury with my best friend Jane's family and I had a chill time and I became a river girl and like, you know, Torbs went and played golf and we were just like brand new. Can I just ask a few follow-up questions? New year, new me. Yes, question.

You were very new year, new me. Torbs played golf once when he was away and he was like, I'm a golf man now. How many times have you played golf since? Zero times. Right. You said you're a river girl. You're going to go swimming all the time in the river. How many times have you swum in the river since then? I actually can't go in the river right now because I have a fungal infection in my breast. Fucking good excuse, mate. Yeah, so fuck you. Fuck you.

Yeah. Oh, well, I know what that's like because my friend Phyllis has a breast. Fine. But you did come back full of energy. Yes. And confidence. And there was rumours that there was almost too much confidence and you were becoming...

Obnoxious new Tony. What's happened? Okay, so... Are you worse than... Whatever you say, you're not going to be worse than Phyllis in this episode. No, exactly. So I could literally say I killed someone and people are like,

oh, but that Phyllis. Anyway... Fuck my cheer. Fuck Phyllis' cheer. Anyway, I was hot, sexy and fun on Thursday night. Yep. You were going out. I know.

So we caught up in the afternoon to do some planning. You're like, sorry, I can't hang out too long. I'm going out tonight. Yes. So a girlfriend of mine, Mish Wittrup, she's a comedian, and she is doing her first stand-up show, and she was having like a test show. Yep.

And she invited me and it was like kind of her and only five other people in the audience. So Torbs and I went and then a few other people and then her director and her producer, who's a really good friend of mine. Right. But the show is called Soy Fat White. So if you're around in Melbourne. Soy Fat White.

I would go and watch it because it's fucking hilarious. It's very funny. Anyway, afterwards, so we watched the show. It was fucking great. We gave notes. We sat there and kind of talked about what maybe she could change before it went live and stuff. And then it was around 9 o'clock.

Is it like to get to that point where you're like, are we doing this? So it's 9 o'clock and I go, do you guys want to go and grab dinner? Are we doing this? I did it. You asked someone out for dinner. Yep. So I was like, oh, does anyone want to go and eat?

Anxious, terrified, fear of rejection Tony just whimsically throws out a want of dinner at 9 o'clock on a Thursday. Thursday night. Who the fuck are you? Mate. What did they say? Yeah, let's go. There's like a little Italian joint around the corner.

Let's go there. Anyway, we go to this Italian restaurant. And when they all said yes, are you like, oh, look at me go, social butterfly. So a couple of them were like, oh, no, I've got to head off. I've got plans or whatever. It is for you there. But, yep, so it was Torbs and I and one of my really good friends,

Sam, who also has a podcast, Confessions of the Idiots. Yep. So it was the three of us sitting there. It's great. We go to this Italian restaurant. What do you reckon I order? Confident new Tony. No, but just like you go to a fucking Italian restaurant,

like, you know, they've got the same shit every time. I assume just like a risotto or a pasta. I ordered the fish of the day. What the fuck? Who the fuck orders fish of the day? I know. Are you in some seaside town? Mate, ask me how much it was.

Do you even know how much it was? Nah, it was fucking market price. You didn't know it to that. No. You want to know exactly what the fish is. I want to know the exact price of it. Nah. How much garlic on it? What kind of butter?

Yep. Nah. Fish of the day, market price. I'll take that. And you know what else? We'll get a burrata and some prosciutto and stuff for the table as well. Didn't even consult anyone, just ordered it. What has happened to you?

I know. I don't even recognise you anymore. And then by the time we were done, it was like 10 o'clock, 10.30, and we just got an Uber home, went home, I had a shower, went to bed, woke up at 6.30 for work the next day. What was the fish of the day? Oh, it was absolutely beautiful, actually. It was a pink snapper and it was like broccolini

and kipfla potatoes. Are you someone who would normally look at the menu like the day before? Yes. Yes. So when you walk to a place and they go, you walk in and they go, oh, here's the special chop. No, I already know what I'm getting.

Don't try me. Well, yeah, I just tune out because I'm like, I don't need to know. But he goes, oh, we've got like a beautiful gnocchi and we've got a fish of the day and it comes with broccoli and kibble potatoes. I was like, yeah, I'll get the fish of the day. I didn't even fucking look at the price.

Holy fuck. I know. I'm so impressed. Thank you. And then like at the end of the thing, we went up and everyone was like, oh, let's split the bill. And I was like, guys, don't worry about it. I got it.

Like we'll just sort out the bill later. Everyone was like, oh, let's split the bill. And I was like, guys, don't worry about it. I got it. Like, we'll just sort out the bill later. Are we sure this is an anxiety-free Tony or is this a rich Tony? No. Because I feel like you're waving a card around. I don't even care what the price is.

I was like, we'll sort out the bill later. Like, let's just grab it. I'll grab it. Because you know when you're fucking standing at the register and you're like, oh, I had two of the prawns. The greatest fear previously that I've ever seen hit Tony's face is if she ordered something that was $11, I ordered something that was $9,

and we go, oh, chuck in $10 each, and you go, oh, no, those $2 will haunt you for the rest of your life. But no, mate, I got it. Or you can get it and I'll send you the money, whatever. I've never heard you say the word whatever. I know. You're not the word whatever. I know. You're not a whatever girl. I know.

Except I will say that it did come back to haunt me. You remember that night that we went out? No, but please don't. You were doing so well. Do you remember that? You were doing so well. Do you remember that night that you and I went to Fonda for dinner and we had those fish tacos?

Yes. And then I had that allergic reaction. Yeah. So that happened again. Oh. I'll have any fish except the one that kills me because I'm allergic to it. And my lips were like this and my mouth got all itchy and I thought that I was going to die. But then I woke up and I was fine. So we're back on. Okay. So I was like, please,

please don't let this ruin your obnoxious new Tony continues. I'm here. Yep. Thank you. How much does that cost? It doesn't matter. I'm rich. Thank you. Woo! How much does that cost? Doesn't matter. I'm rich. Hi, this is Stephanie from San Antonio, Texas,

and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A big thank you to a few of our champion Patreons. Hayden Glaster, Glaster Legal, all your legal needs. Yep. Jess Batty, Kimberley Majors, Kimberley Minors, and Liam Mills. Big thank you and a big fuck you to Phyllis once again. Thank you. Phyllis, get fucked.

Oh, we did a personalised video for A-Lo this week. Sure. Alyssa Lopez, do you remember? Oh, yes, A-Lo, yes. And I was like, I wonder if she for A-Lo this week. Sure. Alyssa Lopez, do you remember? Oh, yes, A-Lo, yes. And I was like, I wonder if she gets J-Lo. Yes. She messaged back and goes, I used to get A-Lo, haven't in years, thanks for taking me back.

Oh, you're welcome. You're welcome. My brother's name is Jamie Lodge. He's a J-Lo. J-Lo, yeah. Which is pretty cool, like sounds pretty cool. He's not a J-Lo though, is he? No, he's not.

He's more of a troll Ryan on LinkedIn kind of guy. I actually saw that. Did you have to pull him up on it? Did you give him a word about it? I saw he's going, Jamie, he's a big LinkedIn-er. Yep. He loves it. He does.

Yeah. I don't love that he loves it. He loves it. And you can tell him I said that. Nah, he listens. Oh, J-Lo, thanks for listening, bud. Yeah, cheers, bud. Look forward to seeing you in my DMs later. On LinkedIn.

A couple of old blokes chatting on LinkedIn. A couple of old white guys on LinkedIn going back and forth. Yeah, who sunk it? What else is boring? This week for our movie. Fire Festival documentary. We said to the Patreons. What is the best scam?

Documentary. I think the word that Ryan used is what is the scammiest and heistiest documentary you can think of. And I even said before you at me about using the word heistiest, go fuck yourself. I liked heistiest. Thank you. Yeah.

Now, I thought that the... Tindler Swindler. Would have won. Me too. It did not. I also thought the lady with the blood, what's her name? Theranos, Elizabeth Holmes. Oh, and that's still in court.

That is a fucking fantastic documentary. If you haven't watched it, make sure you do because it's very good. But the more I think about it, the more Fyre Festival was always... Going to win. Going to win. Yeah. And Tony... And we're talking about... sorry, just a disclaimer,

we're talking about the one on Netflix because there's a few like on Hulu and stuff, but the Netflix one. Tony Lodge. Yes. Can you take us back to not only when the festival happened, because when it was happening there was a bit of buzz online because everyone's like, what the fuck's going on? Yeah.

There were viral photos of like a piece of bread and cheese. The sandwich thing, yeah. And they're like, oh, they've been charged $100 for, you know, five-star chef lunches and it's like. So take me back to what you can remember of the time when these docos came out and everyone is just losing their minds. Well, so because I remember seeing the sandwich photo and I'm pretty sure that Torb sent it to me and was like, oh, my God,

there's this like bougie AF festival happening right now and this is the dinner that they got. And I remember the buzz around then. And when this documentary came out, like three came out at the same time and it's kind of like do you get hype from the other ones coming out or is it like embarrassing that you've all released the same thing at the same time? Yeah.

Well, they're fucking sandwiched with a little bit of lettuce on the side. But I remember when these came out and I watched one of them and then I was like, I need to fucking know more. Yeah. It is a crazy fucking story. Every next bit of info you learn, you need to have three more questions. Yes. Do you want to quick, if someone, I mean, I feel like we all know this,

but can you just quickly bring us up to speed of what actually the Fyre Festival was supposed to be and what happened? So this guy, Billy McFarlane, he started all of these companies that were really chic and luxe and whatever. VIP New York penthouse experience. Yeah. They all had this like really murky vibe of. Yeah, like a bit gross, lads-y kind of thing

and he used to drive Maseratis all the time and fucking whatever. And they started Fire Media, which is like an agency and media company, and then they said to big up Fire Media, we should have a festival to promote our business, our company. Anyway, and Ja Rule was on board and they're like, we're going to go to the Bahamas. We've got Pablo Escobar's island. They'd like bought this island that they were going

to have this festival on. It was going to be luxe as they got all of these models to post about it. And by models, Kendall Jenner. Yeah, Bella Hadid. Hayley, well, she was Baldwin at the time. Hayley Bieber did it. She was Baldwin at the time.

Hayley Bieber did it. Kendall Jenner got paid $250,000 US to post one Instagram tile about it. And so everyone online is like the hottest models in the world, a private island owned by a former drugged, like it was just this luxe, everyone's five-star camping, everyone's hot, everyone's sexy. They're like swimming and there's music and all that. The greatest experience money can buy. Yeah, and then so they announced that it was going to be Pablo,

that they'd bought Pablo Escobar's island. And then Pablo Escobar's family and the, like, executors of his estate and stuff were, like, you actually can't say that it was his island. Like, you can't use his name to make money. So they weren't allowed to use that anymore. So they had to, with two weeks to spare or something, they had to find another island to have it at.

And it was like the busiest time in the Bahamas because some fucking regatta was on or something. Anyway, so it kind of went from bad to worse. It was supposed to be luxury villas that everyone was going to stay in and they ended up in fucking leftover hurricane tents that the weather went straight through so everything got fucking soaking wet and just an absolute fucking nightmare. All those rich hot celebrities weren't there.

It was like a detention centre. They're like, oh, if you pay an extra $10,000, you can go on the private yacht experience with Kendall. She wasn't there. That was never going to happen. And they said that they were all going to get flown in on private jets and they weren't. They were on like a 747 with like the Fyre Festival logo stuck to the side.

Like can you imagine spending that much on a ticket? I think the tickets were like $5,000 or something. Yeah. Can you imagine spending that and then rocking up and how scared you would feel that you couldn't access your luggage, they wouldn't take you to where your, like, villa was. Because it doesn't exist. Villa in quotation marks.

They realised that it was, what, a combination for $100,000 and there was $10,000. Yeah, ridiculous. Can you imagine how fucking scary it would be? And this is, like, no joke, how scary it would be landing on that island, realising there was no fucking food, nowhere that you could stay. No drinking water.

Nothing was available. I just, I actually cannot imagine being in that. Actually, don't think about it because obnoxious new Tony, she'll start, no. Oh, my God. It'll take you back. But how scary would that be? There was no fucking power so no one could charge their phones.

They were all trying to get on a plane back, but there was no fucking planes. Like, oh, my God. A nightmare. Horrible. Now, the further he gets into it, he's like, we're fucked. Yep. I need to make up some new lie, sell tickets to that,

to make some money to cover up the other stuff to pay for the things. And it was just a. Yeah, he asked people to load up like an RFID thing at the last minute to be like, it's a cashless festival. We recommend loading $3,000 at least onto it so that people are putting all this cash into the business so that he could, you know, rob Peter, pay Paul kind of thing. Crazy.

Do you reckon, like at what point did he know he was fucked? Sure. Or is it one of those things where he probably still doesn't know? I mean, it seems like he must have, like, some narcissistic tendencies of being like, this is all good. Like, that dog with the house that's on fire, like, this is fine. Yeah. Like, it'll come good.

And it just, like, he ends up going to jail. Yeah. And then at the end of the documentary, it's him in a penthouse again. I'm like, bro, where are you getting this money from? He's swindled someone else and he's doing something. Yeah. It's fucked. One thing I thought re-watching it.

Yeah. Is all of his previous business were, like you said, lads-y. Lux, like high-end. Rich boy kind of stuff. And this is, I don't know if this is a controversial statement. Yeah. The only thing more cringe than the guy running the place was the type of people who were going. Yeah.

And they attract that certain type of. You don't wish what happened to them and the position they got into onto anyone, but the kind of people who were going, I was like, oh. Yeah, he scammed the rich. He scammed the rich. Is it fine? Is scamming the rich fine? No, is it finer?

It's better. Like, you know, it's not as if they took $100 from a bunch of people that couldn't really afford it. Yeah, they took $10,000 off a bunch of people who were prepared to spend $10,000 on a weekend. On a festival. Because they thought they were going to, like, get a selfie with Kendall Jenner.

Yeah. I just can't imagine being in that position. And no one deserves that at all. Like, no one deserves that to happen to them. But, fuck, it... And when they're interviewing the people that were supposed to go or that ended up there and got stranded, I'm like, that is a rough lesson to learn.

Right. Like, that's shithouse. Yeah, it is shit. Were you a festival goer? Nah. I've been to one festival and I- Was it a multi-dayer? It was, but I left.

What do you mean? Like, I just was like, this isn't for me. What festival was it? It was Southbound. In Busselton? Yes, yeah, in WA. And it was years ago and a friend of mine was working, like mixing a band.

Yep. And so she got me like an all-access pass. So I was like backstage for the day and stuff and I got really sunburnt and I was like, I want to go home. But I've never really had like a good group of mates to go and do that with. a good group of mates to go and do that with because I would love to go and do the festival where you camp and you kind of get loose for three days

and you're all stinky and whatever. If I went with a friend or if it was just Bridge and I, I'd be a bit, but every time, and I went to Falls Festival, which is three or four days, probably five or six times. Wow. Over 10 years and there would have been 25 of us, 30 of us. And that's just a real good time. Yeah, that would be fun.

But even, I sound so old. I feel like I've aged about 10 years during the pandemic. The thought of that now, nah. Sometimes I'm like, I've had a great time. I want to go home. Yeah. Whereas the thought of waking up hungover, the sun hits your tent at 6am.

And it's hot and you're like, oh, am I going again? Yeah. What else am I going to do? Yeah. The tent's a thousand degrees at 6am. So I've got to get out. Yeah. One time we're camping and because we got there late,

it's like just anywhere you can find spare grass, pitch a tent. Oh, of course you did. See, I'd be the first car in the line. So we're on like this slope of a hill. Fuck. And so Dave Parsons and I, I'd be the first car in the line. So we're on, like, this slope of a hill. Fuck. And so Dave Parsons and I, we're sharing the tent. Every time we'd roll over in our sleep, we'd shuffle down the hill a little bit to the point

where we pretty much woke up both not in the tent anymore. Like, it was so vague. So we wake up, like, with our heels maybe in the tent and the rest of our body. And, like, so our head's at the bottom and the rest of our body and like so our heads at the bottom so that the blood's been rushing all night and then there's this we wake up and we like look at each other like where the fuck why what has happened here yeah and there's this girl kind of like laying between us and she goes she goes what the fuck are you guys doing in my tent

fuck off stop being creeps blah blah blah blah i'm just trying to sleep in my tent? Fuck off. Stop being creeps, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm just trying to sleep in my tent and you blokes are fucking blah, blah, blah. And we're like, first of all, we're not even in a tent. We're laying on the grass. And second of all, we're near our tent and near our other friends. But who are you? Who are you? And then she looks around and goes, I don't know where I am.

That's clear, doll. Oh, my. But you would get such a fright if you woke up, there's two dudes next to you. Oh, we. You'd be like, what the fuck? We empathise with the shock. But when she was like, get out of my house, I'm like, hey,

if we were in your house, totally under great. Yeah, but we're not even in our house. We're just laying on the grass. It's not ours. It's not ours. We're just laying on the grass, man. Well, speaking of festivals, actually, I thought this ties in really well. I've got a recommendation.

Oh, risque. I know. Of a great playlist I've been listening to recently. Is it the Spotify Choose Your Food playlist? Oh, that is not what it's called. Spotify and My Meal. Spotify playlist of the Triple J Hottest 100 of the decade for the 2010s. Yeah.

And it's like 100 great fucking songs from the last 10 years. As a playlist. What a find. It's so good. So it's by Triple J. Like, they've actually created it. And it was their countdown that they did in 2020. That's so good.

It's such a good playlist. It's fucking great. Because it's just great songs from the last 10 years, heaps of, like, forgotten gems from, like, early, like. How good is it when you hear a song and you go, oh! What a throwback. Yeah, so good. So good recommendation there, I reckon. You're going to hate this, I reckon.

Okay, great. Here's something you love to say. Uh-huh. I need to think about this this, I reckon. Okay, great. Here's something you love to see. Uh-huh. I need to think about this, so just... Does anyone see the estimated travel time on the GPS when they're driving and just go, nah, I'll beat that? No, it's so accurate. Nah. Yeah, for basic drivers like you, but when you're like, nah, I'll beat that. No, it's so accurate. Nah.

Yeah, for basic drivers like you. But when you're like, nah, you don't know who I am. No, it's accurate. It gets you every single time it's right. Oh, you'll be there in 21 minutes. I reckon I could do it in 19. You can't because. Excuse me?

Sorry. Excuse me? Please don't yell at me. You can't because it is set by a satellite. It's technology, mate. You can't because it is set by a satellite. It's technology, mate. You can't beat technology. And the smugness when I arrived two minutes before the GPS thought I would. No, disagree.

You don't know me. That doesn't happen. Technology, you don't know me. This is a straight-up lie. You don't know me. I don't want to hear this. You do not know me. Don't come at me with that.

I love that you needed silence beneath that, like it was so dramatic. Do you want dramatic? If you play a drone, no. It's not possible. You cannot beat the GPS. I was going to play a drone. I know. You cannot beat a GPS. You don't love to see it. It's not possible.

Thank you so much for listening to the Tony and Ryan podcast. Great week. Great week. Now, Tony, we're going out week. Great week. Great week. Now, Tony, we're going out tonight. We are. Are we getting slutty or are we getting cute or what's the... They're both the same for me.

What are you feeling? I don't know. I just don't know what I'm going to wear. I'm going to wear a robe. What's Bridget wearing? Do you know? I'll call her after this. Hopefully a little more dressed up than last night.

I'll bring a fucking T-bone that you can gnaw on in the bloody corner of the room. Torbz has a name. Oh, my God. Imagine if people called Torbz T-bone. They should. They should. The big T-bone. Sounds like a football player.

Oh, yeah, me and T-bone. Me and T-bone. Just like a T-bone in there. Oh, see the steak on that T-bone. Oh, yeah, me and T-Bone. Me and T-Bone. Just like a T-Bone in there. Oh, see the steak on that T-Bone. Oh, God. No fucking way. Tonight I'll be dressing normally. Not because I want to underplay it, but I feel like we're more relaxed.

We can have a few wines and enjoy ourselves. Yeah, cute. Okay. But if you came in a ball gown, I wouldn't hate it. Okay. All right. Well, I'll either wear this or a ball gown, I wouldn't hate it. Okay. All right. Well, I'll either wear this or a ball gown then. Just roll in in that.

You look great. You look great today. Thank you. You look great today. You look good because I know that you woke up, you had a swim, you had some breakfast, then you came in. It's nice. Yeah.

I don't want to go back to my house. I'm liking being on staycation. Yeah, great. How's travelling in pandemic times? Where did you travel to? Yeah, the CBD. A kilometre from my house. Stay in a hotel for a few days with my wife.

Thank you so much for listening. Now, if you want to leave a review or a five star on the app, that actually helps us a lot, so I appreciate that. Join the Tony and Ryan Facebook group if you like. And until next Monday, we'll catch... We'll see you on Meownday. Bye, love you.