Toni and Ryan - Fabulous Dog VS Audio Queen

Episode Date: March 27, 2022

Two queens take each other on for the Audio Queen, and some feedback from last week. Love ya!!! T xxx Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, you've reached Ashley. Please leave a message and I will get back to you as soon as I can. Thank you. Oh, my God. Ashley Olsen, you're probably busy with Mary-Kate or filming, like, the Fuller House reunion. But thank you so much for not answering. You don't love to see it.

I don't love to see that. I bet your Mary-Kate would answer the phone. Well, obviously there's a better one. Love you, bye. Hello? Well, look who decides to answer her phone. Oh, this is Mary Kate. It's not Ashley.

That's funny. That's good. All right, it was worth calling 76 times for So hi Hello Well Ashley, I mean, thank you for answering But we need to know if you wouldn't mind approving this podcast I would not mind at all

I would be happy to Great news for us Hi, this is Ashley Olsen, not Mary-Kate, from Tracy, California, and I approve this podcast. Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. Hello, welcome. Welcome. I'm lucky to be here, mate.

Why, what's happened? I almost died. Like a Tony I almost died or an actual I almost died? Last night, I was sitting on the couch eating a chicken schnitzel for dinner. Yep. Chicken schnitzel, beans, steamed green beans and some little potatoes. And I choked on a crumb from the schnitzel. A crumb, not a chunk of schnitzel, but a crumb?

Oh, sorry, you know like how on the edge it like... Oh, like a crispy bit, yeah, a chunk. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I... Did Torbs have to heimlich you? No. Oh. He didn't, but it was like, you know in a movie where they go like...

Yeah. Like finally, like that life breath, I was like choking. I life breathed at the end. It was very intense. And how did you get out of it? I had to like cough it out and then my throat was destroyed. You know when like after you've been sick and your throat is like, feels swollen because you've been coughing heaps and stuff. So like last night I had like the roughest throat.

It was like I'd smoked fucking 300 durries on a night out. And, yeah, and it was so scary. I was like literally sitting like and Tom's like, holy fuck, what did I do? But he's got his schnitzel so he's like trying not to. So hang on. The love of his life is potentially dying and his main concern is, do I put my schnitzel down?

Yes. If I help her, what happens to my schnitzel? Yeah, so at the end I was like, oh, my God, that was, so it went on for about probably three or four minutes, which is a long time. Three or four minutes? That is a long time when you're choking. So I'd been choking and then it was me like trying to like cough it out

and get it back up. I'd like done the life breath and stuff. It was like really fucking intense. Anyway, and at the end, Torbs was like sitting there. He's like, are you okay? I'm like, don't fucking ask me if I'm okay. Like I'm obviously not. And then he was like, what do you want me to do?

And he's like got his plate. He's like. I was like, bro, come on. Come on, mates. Come on. Yeah. It was so scary. But do you know the silver lining of that, though,

is obviously like if I died, I died doing what I love. Wow. Eating schnitzel on the couch. I was just about to say. It's a pretty fucking good way to go, I'm going to say. Would you be upset that you died or would you be like very on brand? Yeah, exactly. Exactly right.

Choked on some panko. Love that. Look, I'm glad you're okay. Thank you. However, the two of us are worth a lot to each other financially, so if you could just keep yourself alive. Mate, I think that every time that you don't text me back, you've been hit by a car, but it's just because your fucking phone's dead.

I'm like, oh, my God, I'm never going to make any more money. Imagine if I brought in a different person and it was Tony and Brian, right, and people aren't going to keep downloading this fucking podcast for Brian. They'd be devastated if you weren't here. Hey, you're irreplaceable. And so would I. You're irreplaceable. Yeah.

I'd be upset too. Is your main concern the podcast or the fact that someone you know and supposedly care for had died? There's someone I cared for. That should be an easy thing to answer. The friend. Even if, like, the thing you're supposed to say should be obvious.

Yeah. I don't lie to you, mate. That's why. I've never lied to you. That's a lie. When? When have I lied to you? Well, I wouldn't know because I believe everything you say.

But then you should just trust me inherently. Do you trust me? Yeah. Have I I lied to you? Well, I wouldn't know because I believe everything you say. But then you should just trust me inherently. Do you trust me? Yeah. Have I ever lied to you? Probably. Yeah. I don't think I have, though. We're pretty honest with each other.

Yeah, I don't think that I would have lied to you. Have I done something to fuck you off? No, mate. I'm fine. I'm fucking happy to be alive. I'm happy that you're alive. I'm thanking the Lord that I'm here today. Can all the typers also praise the Lord.

Fucking A-women. All right, here we go. So now that Tony is in fact alive, let me introduce you to Tony. She is an audio producer or now a sound engineer. What do you mean now? Because your new title is sound engineer. No, that's not a new title. I've always said that I'm that.

Really? Yes. Engineers still fucked off that someone who's got a TAFE... What's the... I didn't go to TAFE. I went to university. What's your qualification? Advanced diploma. But I went to university. Okay. God, we're off to a bad start.

I've literally just overcome a death situation and this is what you're going to do. I'm trying to just bring people up to speed because we're about to do the audio queen where Tony, using her skills as an engineer... fuck i wish i choked will uh allow you to hear what it might have sounded like in certain situations paint you a word picture yeah an audible picture so literally just what i said did you say word picture yeah paint you a word picture so you listen to the words and that paints you the,

have I done something to fuck you off, mate? Have I done something to fuck you off? What's going on? Are you okay? I'm fine. Mate, you don't need to project this on me. I'm fine. You taught me, you Tony Lodge, because you teach me a lot about life.

You taught me that fine doesn't mean fine. Fine doesn't mean fine. So how are you now? I'm good, actually. Oscar is a cute puppy who lives in North Carolina. Hi, Oscar. Did he send this in? No, he doesn't have opposable thumbs. It makes it hard to text. You might have seen this story during the rounds. He was disowned by his owners because he was jumping on another male dog and the owner said they don't want a gay dog. Have you heard anything so fucking strange and dumb in your life?

I haven't even heard this story. What the hell? It's fucked up, right? So the owner said, I don't want a gay dog. I don't want a gay dog. He was fucking humping other dogs. Dogs just jump on each other and wrestle and that's what dogs do. You're lucky they didn't adopt you.

Why is my baby just humping things all the time? It's pretty fucked up. Anyway, these two legends. That's awful. Steve Nichols and John Wynn from Indian Trail in North Carolina. That's home of the Spartans by the way. Oh yeah, go Sparts. They saw this story on the news that a dog had been put into the home because he's been given up. So they drove a couple of hours to the town where the adoption centre was and they decided he was going to adopt him.

Now, they said, if a fabulous gay dog wanted to live a fabulous gay life, well, Steve and John were willing to give him a fabulous gay home. Oh, that's so nice. I'd like a fabulous gay home. Oh, that's so nice. I'd like a fabulous gay home. Would you? Yeah, that would be so great. I'll come around with some of my friends.

We'll do a little interior design, just, you know. Yeah, great. Glitter it up a little. So when Oscar arrived to the house, they were having a fabulous gay party with fabulous gay music and Oscar was finally allowed to let out a fabulous gay how and live his best fabulous gay life. Does it actually say fabulous gay that many times

or have you added those? A little editorial. Okay. However, this is what that would have sounded like when he arrived home. The fabulous gay how? The fabulous gay how in the fabulous gay house that's playing fabulous gay music. Kylie Minogue fans, I believe.

Okay. I'm spinning around. Some music. Get out of my way. Oh, I believe. Okay. I'm spinning around. Some music. Get out of my way. Oh, my God. I love your top. Is that Dolce & Gabbana? No, it's Balmain.

Oh, I love those Yves Saint Laurent sunglasses you're wearing. Oh. Was that Oscar the Gay Dog? Yeah, that was him. Okay. Big gay. Well done. No wonder the guy put him up for adoption.

Yeah, I know. He sounded super gay. A howling gay. I just, what a ridiculous thing to happen. Yeah. Like, what a fucking asshole that guy is, because obviously being a homophobic person, you're an asshole anyway.

But who looks at a dog and thinks, oh, that is so dumb. It is so dumb. That's rubbed me up the wrong way. It has. But you know what? It's actually worked out well for Oscar the dog because he's now found two loving parents and he's a lovely life. So good on him.

It is a good story. And he actually kind of, the dog looks like my dog BJ. He's and he's a lovely life. So good on him. It is a good story. And he actually kind of, the dog looks like my dog BJ. He's a little cutie. Oh, little Kelpie. Yeah. Australian tennis legend Ash Barty has retired from tennis. She retired. Age 25.

Oh. Number one in the world for two years. Just won the Australian Open, which as an Australian is like a huge deal. And just retires. When you saw that, what was your reaction? I think I was really happy for her because I really liked all the language that she used around like, oh, I've actually given everything that I can to this sport and, yeah, I could keep playing it

for a million years, but like I want to see. I like one of the quotes that she said was, I want to see what's next for Ash Barty, the person, not the athlete. And I just really, really liked that. There was a headline in Pedestrian TV that was like, in a subtle, fuck you to hustle culture. Yeah. She's like, I don't need to earn any more money ever. I don't need to prove anything to anyone else. I've achieved what I need to achieve. And now I'm, I mean, she might go be a PE teacher at a local school where she lives in Brisbane and just live a really casual, cruisy life.

And I thought, oh, that's sad because I love watching her. But my first thing was like, good on you. Yeah, totally. It was the same like when Dylan Alcott retired. He was like, you know, I've done all I can and I've got more missions in life, you know, like obviously he's a huge advocate for people with disabilities playing sport and stuff like that and the Dylan Alcott Foundation

and all the fucking ability fest. Like he does a billion things. He's like, I've got more stuff to do. I'm like, fucking hell. And tennis is fucked. I just choked and almost died on a schnitzel. What am I doing with my life? That's all I'm up to.

300 years, sorry, 300 days a year on the road as a tennis player, like just not at home. And you would start to resent it after a long time, wouldn't you? Well, it probably wouldn't take that long, actually. No, for me, three days out of the house. Yeah, I couldn't be away from home that much. No way. All right, Tony.

Yes. What we want to hear is some mixed doubles, a tennis rally. So what you're going to hear is the sound of the ball being hit, the lower-pitched grunt of the male tennis player hitting the ball, the higher-pitched moan of the female tennis player hitting the ball, and it'll go back and forth a few times until the female tennis player swings too hard and dislocates her hip. Fucking hell.

Okay. But then she gets excited because the swing that did her hip also won the point. Okay. But then she gets excited because the swing that did her hip also won the point. Okay. Okay. Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! My throat has already... Oh, call me a schnitzel because I am choking. My throat has already, you know. Yeah, I know, and I wasn't even inside of it. It's copped out.

All right. Oh, my God. I love to watch tennis. I can tell. I didn't realise you were such a tennis fan. Yeah, I am. You get that everything. Thank you.

Yeah, I did. There isn't another one, is there? There is one more audio queen to go. Oh, okay. But I don't know how we can top that, to be honest. I mean, oh, actually, yes, I do. Yes, I do. Okay.

No, now the pressure's on. Hey, I don't know if you've seen this. Hotels in Venice are hatching plans to fend off aggressive and annoying gulls because people in hotels are getting annoyed because the gulls are, like, sitting on the windowsill and making noise and they're pooing and they're being annoying. Well, I guess the gulls haven't had to rein in their behaviour for three years.

They've been running wild while we've all been in lockdown. Yeah. I've never seen a gull in lockdown. No, me either. They've been in Venice living their best life. So hoteliers in Venice have been giving guests water pistols to spray away the loud and pesky birds. So you can like, you know, to squirt them away.

Okay. Felipe and his husband Tomas were having a sexy weekend in Venice. I mean, imagine living in Italy and just being able to like go to Venice for the weekend. How lovely would that be? Fuck. Could you imagine how hot Tomas and Felipe are? Oh, I mean, I've got an idea.

So they're doing the deed. And wouldn't you be if you were in Venice? Yeah. So Felipe is about to finish. Felipe, yeah. But the loud squawking from the gulls is really putting him off. So Tomas is yelling at the bird and shooting his shot at the bird while Felipe is yelling in pleasure and shooting his shot into Tomas.

I can't do all of those things at once. I'm not an audio king. I don't tell you how to do your job. I can't do all of those things at once with my mouth. I've never heard you say that. I've never heard you say that before. If you're wondering what that might sound like, if only I knew a sound engineer.

Okay. All right. With a degree in engineering from a university. Yeah. My master's in engineering. All right. All right. That was very impressive. That one was a hard one.

That's what Felipe said. Not anymore. I'm quite good at birds. You are quite good at birds. I didn't know that. Ca-caw! Ca-caw! Ca-caw! Caw, caw! Caw!

That sounds just like a bird. I'd say that's an Australian bird. How would you make that a Venetian bird? I don't know. Hi, this is Ashley Olsen, not Mary-Kate, from Tracy, California,

and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive thank you to a few of our brand-new champion tapas over at our Patreon. If you want to check it out, patreon.com slash Tony and Ryan. A big thanks to Stevie Judd, Emily Bradfield, Alexander Lang and Charles Patterson. Thank you so much. Also, Jordan Stewart called me out during the week. Oh, God.

And he said, my name is Jordan Stewart. I'm a champion tapas, but I'm yet to hear the name Jordan Stewart be read out. So Jordan Stewart wants us to say Jordan Stewart? I believe that's what Jordan Stewart is saying, yeah. It's a very Jordan Stewart thing to say. And just when I think about Jordan Stewart, I don't want to say the name Jordan Stewart, do you know what I mean? It's not a sayable name, Jordan Stewart,

which is why I've been Jordan Stew-ing-ting on whether or not to do it. That's a long bow. Close, though. So should we include that tomorrow maybe? Yeah, maybe. I don't know. Maybe we'll message Jordan Stewart back and say he must have just missed us saying Jordan Stewart.

Must have missed the Jordan Stewart off cutoff. Yeah. All right. A bit of feedback from last week we were talking about. I'm so hot and sweaty from doing the birds. Yeah. Yeah. You did great, though.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Are you. Thank you. Are you wearing those baggy jeans again? Yeah, I am. Oh, you're such a 2022 girl. I like them. You do look good in them.

Thank you. A lot of people were blowing you up on Instagram. They were, actually. It gave me a big head. Speaking of feedback, yeah, it went off, didn't it? Is anyone? Oh, go on. I was just going to say, people were commenting like,

oh, no, I love skinny jeans as the same as you do. That's literally what I was about to say then. I haven't thrown out my skinny jeans. I'm still a skinny jean girl. I've just added these Levi rib cages into the rotation, and I think that's fine. Look, I mean, I'm not here to disagree with you. I just personally, I'm not willing to accept that.

Totally. I hate that us as millennials, we were always the young generation and now someone's coming in under us and we're. Well, babe, that happens to every generation, isn't it? I know, but I don't like it. Boomers were young ones. Apparently. But see, we roll our eyes.

That's what the Gen Zs are doing to us. I know. That's why I bought these jeans. The pressure for me to lengthen the ankle, to widen the ankle on my jeans. Widen the ankle, yeah. I don't want to, and when I saw you in it and when I saw you looking good in it, I was like, fuck.

It's happening. But my boyfriend, Torbs, he said the exact same thing as you. He was like, they're not over. I'm never going to stop wearing skinny jeans. And that's fine. He's got beautiful long legs though, like really slim legs. He looks very good in a tight jean. Yeah.

Yeah. I think, you know those dads that are looks very good in a tight jean. Yeah. Yeah. I think, you know those dads that are just stuck in the 80s? Yeah. Well, I'm just like, I've just accepted my generation and I'm just going to be that dad who's old and daggy. But if you know what looks good, then it's not daggy. Fashion is like for idiots. If you're buying fashionable stuff all the time just because like you want

to look like others. Keeping up with the Joneses. Yeah, but if you buy stuff because it looks good on you, then who gives a fuck? It does look good on you. Thank you. And so it's just nice to have something different in the rotation. And also they're a bit more forgiving than a skinny chain.

The COVID kilos required a wider chain. A wide leg? Oh, for the fashion? No, just to fit. Yeah, just to fit them into my fucking, my cankles. My cankles. Last week we talked about firing. Oh, my God, that HR story with the guy accidentally CC'd.

The person he was firing. The person he was supposed to fire being like, how do I fire Claire? And Claire was on the email. The big woot had a story as well. Well, some people have sent their stories in. Jacob Love. Hi, Jacob. Love to see that. Love to see that. I've never had to fire anyone, but I was an acting manager of a department once

and had to speak to someone about their hygiene. Like a few people in the team had gone, hey, you're the boss at the moment, right? Yeah. I can't. Oh, mate, it stinks. They stink. And they're like, what do you want me to do? And they're like, you're the boss. And like it's, they're in the, like they stink. I've had to do that. Really?

Yeah. Tell someone. Yep. So when I was at uni, like we didn't do exams. We did like shows. Performances. Yeah. So it would be like all of the musical theatre students

would put on the show. The sound students asked would do the sound for the show, the lighting. So everyone came together and that was like how they assessed us and whoever was like the sound designer was like the boss of the team. And so on a show I was a sound designer so I was managing like a team of six or seven people or whatever and there was somebody on the team and everyone kind of said to me and it was getting like a bit nasty,

and I was like I would actually rather somebody told me if like my breath was bad all the time or that I always smelled. Like at the end of the day is one thing, but, you know, rocking up and being like, oh, you're obviously not like looking after yourself for whatever reason. So what did you say? And how did you, did you take them out for a coffee or like a private word in a separate room?

We just kind of ended up alone together in a situation and I was like, oh, like this is really, and I think the best thing that I could have done was like broach it and be like, look, this is really awkward for me to say and I was fucking 20. Like, you know. And not like dreading that conversation as well. Oh, my God. My stomach was in knots. I'm sick thinking about it now. Like it was fucking 20. Like, you know. And not like dreading that conversation as well. Oh, my God.

My stomach was in knots. I'm sick thinking about it now. Like it was fucking awful. And I was like, look, this is really awkward to bring up and I'm not trying to be offensive but I'm trying to kind of like nip this in the bud. Like a few people have said this and, you know, we're working really closely together.

Like it is important. Like I'm really, I'm sorry but like I just feel like, and they were like, oh, now we're embarrassed. Like, of course they were. But were they like, oh, thanks for letting me know. They were kind of, I think that they just were a bit defensive about it because you kind of want to tell them at the end of the day so that they don't then spend the rest of the day thinking about it

and being self-conscious of it. So, yeah, it was quite hard to navigate. But, like, I just said, I'm really sorry, like, but, yes, it was fucking awkward. But could you tell the next day that they had taken that on board? Yeah, but I think they were quite sheepish as well. So I think it was. But, I mean, it's that thing, though, if someone says,

and this has happened between the two of us, I've been like, oh, just letting you know you've got something in your teeth and you're like, no, I don't. I just do that to rile you up. Yeah. But then I feel bad. Because obviously I'm going to tell you there's something in your teeth. There isn't. You're checking now. There've got something in your teeth and you're like, no, I don't. I just do that to rile you up. Yeah. But then I feel bad because obviously I'm going to tell you there's something in your teeth. There isn't.

You're checking now. There isn't anything in your teeth. But, like, would you rather be the person that is like, you've got something in your teeth, sorry to tell you that, but, like, it's fine. You want to be the friend. Absolutely. That people.

I think, well, we spend enough time with each other. You're just like, hey, bud, something in your teeth. You go, oh, righto. Yeah, just like I'm letting you know because we're probably about to film something or whatever. Yeah. Yeah, I've something in your teeth. You go, oh, righto. Yeah, just like I'm letting you know because we're probably about to film something or whatever. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I got no qualms.

For me, that's not even awkward. It's just like, hey, bud. Oh, how silly. But you know when. But my favourite thing is to like get right in, like if you say that and I'll just come right up close to you and be like, where, where, and just like put my teeth on your face. Yeah, and I just feel uncomfortable because I feel like I'm criticising you,

but I'm not. I'm like giving you a heads up. Because I'm like, no, you don't. And then what I do with Bridget is like I'm criticising you, but I'm not. I'm, like, giving you a heads up. Oh, no, because I'm like, no, you don't. And then what I do with Bridget is, like, I will use my teeth and make sure almost like a piece of seaweed is across the, like I'm wearing a mouth guard. I'll be like, what are you talking about? There he is.

I don't think that's right. I'm sitting in my safe. I don't know where he went. So I feel for that person in that situation. Yeah. Schmack Schmarrymore. Oh, hi, Schmack Schmarrymore. Ryan, I've decided to message you because Tony is far too famous

and we know both her social media team handles her correspondence and this might need a lawyer. Schmack Schmarrymore has gone straight. It's coming in hot. Fucking hell, okay. I manage a team of 30 or 40 associates. You own any more? What's the fucking company called?

I'll get you fired. Wow. One day. Associates? Yeah. Does more? What's the fucking company called? I'll get you fired. Wow. One day. Associates. Yeah. Does that mean they're lawyers or something? What's an associate? I can mean many things in different circumstances.

Oh, does it? Obviously, I've only ever watched one episode of Ally McBeal. And I'm like, oh, I'm pretty sure they're associates. Well, I think in Suits they're associates. Yeah, I've watched three episodes of Suits. Yeah, maybe it is a legal thing. I tried to really enjoy Suits, but I just can't get into it, eh? Really?

Yeah, I really wanted to, and there's so much of it, but I just couldn't get into it. I reckon the first episode of Suits is one of the great, like, first episodes of any TV show. I just, yeah, I liked it and I really wanted to like it, but I just lost interest. Sorry about that, everyone. Rachel and I...

Is that Meghan Markle? Yeah. And this isn't because of what Meghan Markle would become, but her character just didn't need to be in the... I was always watching me like, why is she just cracking the sads every episode? I'm so into Mike and Harvey and then she's like, oh, I've got a thing and you're like, oh, just get out of the way, mate.

And then her dad is like someone and fucking, oh. Yeah, the dad's great. Their dads are always someone, yeah. I manage a team of 30 or 40 associates, so it's Schmack Schmarrymore, and I had to let someone go. So he has to do like the back-end HR paperwork because, you know, there's a lot of legalities and tick the box and do it in the right order. And then if they're being like paid out, you're like, here's the process

and so it's a whole thing and he has to do a lot of the grunt work, which is pretty yuck stuff. Especially if you had to like take, you know, how sometimes they have to like take your laptop away and walk you out of the building and stuff like, fuck, that would be awful. So I'm doing the backend HR paperwork and me and another person, one of the other managers end up talking about this other lady who works for us and is great. And because we're talking about this other person, I accidentally typed her name into the forms I was filling out.

Have you ever, you know that whole like, oh, I was talking about them and sent it to them. Or you say the word banana and you write it down as an example. Sure. I just like to give a lot of examples. Because her name was in my mind, I typed it into the forms instead of the person we actually needed to fire. What?

So she gets logged out of her computer and security rolls over to the desk with the box and is like, oh, you know, the paperwork's come through, the lever's been pulled, are you ready to roll? Anyway. Oh, and you would just go into meltdown immediately. And this person was a good performer.

It wasn't like, oh, you know, their time was coming. Yeah. So Schmack Schmarrymore is like, I've fired old mate instead of young mate. So he panics. And then he has to go to like his, and he goes, we've been trained how to do the paper. But in training, they never go, oh,

and if you accidentally type in the wrong name. Because who would? Press this button. So he's like, I don't actually know how to like. Recall there. How do I take that back? And so he's like, I don't actually know how to like – Recall there. Yeah, how do I take that back? And so he's running around and then he goes, I'd have been defiable.

And like it's a whole thing and it took a few hours for them to realise and like then he had to like reinstate the person. And then he was like, oh, how embarrassing. And then everyone was like having a laugh about it later. He's like – but obviously you won't laugh because you're the one. Yeah, it was supposed to go to you. Oh, fucking egg on my face. Oh, no, see, you won't laugh because you're the one. Yeah, it was supposed to go to you. Oh, fucking egg on my face. I get out. You've got six minutes. So

it turns out that Schmack Schmack, this is about a year ago. Yeah. And the person who he's supposed to fire, like I said, great performer, they get along well, blah, blah, blah. But every time it's like the Christmas party or the whatever, he's like, hey, you don't have to send that email that's like behave yourself at the Christmas party.

Don't do drugs or assault anyone. She always replies and goes, you fired me once before, you're going to fire me again. That's good gear from her. I will give her that. That's funny. Imagine the feeling when like the second that he realised he'd sent that to the wrong person and can't reverse it.

I would pass away, honestly. Pass away. Oh, my God. And just what an idiot, though, that Schmack Schmarymore is. Well, he was distracted. I mean, maybe when you're firing something, concentrate. You should be concentrating. You shouldn't be talking about bananas and the other girl down the hallway. Okay, he was distracted. I mean, maybe when you're firing something, concentrate. You should be concentrating. You shouldn't be talking about bananas and the other girl down the hallway.

We get it. Bananas. The banana. It's a good one. Is it because we had a banana smoothie? Yeah, probably. Yeah. I have a little shout out from Are You Love To See It today.

Meg has asked us to do a little shout out for her best friend Jane's birthday. She's from Kerry in Ireland and has just moved to Australia. Oh, welcome, Kerry. Welcome. No, no, she's from Kerry. Her name's Jane. Close, though. Thanks for coming aboard, Jane from Kerry.

I'll call her Jane Kerry. Jane Kerry. So happy birthday. Her birthday was on Saturday the 26th, so happy birthday, Jane. Happy birthday. Good on you. I think we've talked about the concept before where you see a meme or a joke on Twitter, and if you think about it, it's not like the most clever joke ever, but it just...

It sends you. It hits you at the right moment of the day, and you're laughing about it for hours. Yeah. This is the shittest joke. Oh, I'm ready. I'm fucking ready. And I, for days, I would wake up the next day and be like, how good was that tweet by that person I've never met before? It's a lady named Chris.

I don't know if that's a Christina or whatever. And that's all I know about. I don't even know why I followed her. Is it Kris Jenner? No, we're probably not bros on Twitter. I accidentally said big instead of grande while I was at Starbucks, so they took me behind the store and shot me in the leg. Chris, how does she come up with this stuff?

I don't get it. I don't get it. What's not to get? What's big? Like the size. Because at Starbucks it's like, do you want the Venti or the Grande or the whatever? Oh, right.

Oh, okay. Yeah, I get it. Sorry. I accidentally said big instead of Grande while at Starbucks, so they took me behind the store and shot me in the leg. That's the funniest thing you've ever said. Oh, Chris. Chris, more like Christmas because that's a fucking gift.

The jokes are always less funny when you have to explain them. I don't go to Starbucks, so I don't know. Well, you live in Australia, so... Yeah, I think there's only one here. There was 88 and then 82 of them closed on the same day. Oh, so I wasn't far off. Seven off. No, you love to say that.

Good job, Chris. Thanks for sharing your comedy with the world. I laugh for days about that. No, it's funny because it's like Starbucks is like a cult. Yeah. Yeah, so it's like, oh, don't say the wrong fucking thing or we'll kill you. That's very funny. The original CEO has returned for the third time

to take back over. Oh, good for them. Yeah. He needs some more money. He needs something to do with his day. Yeah, he needs those Starbucks. Am I right? Alright, we'll see you tomorrow for things you can say at the football and also in the bedroom.

You love to meow that. Meow. Did you want a grande with meowk? Oh, no, I want a big. Oh, my leg! Oh, Chris, oh, no! Maybe we should act out the tweets instead of just reading them. That's fun.

Maybe next time because we've already done this one. Oh, because this episode's already finished. Yeah. Oh, okay. So should we go home? Do you want to go and get a drink or something? Yes. Do you want to go to Starbucks?

Oh, make sure you ask for a large what is the thing? See you tomorrow.