Toni and Ryan - Farting In Front Of Your Partner

Episode Date: September 7, 2025

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Thank you for your patience. Your call is important. Can't take being on hold anymore. Fizz is 100% online, so you can make the switch in minutes. Mobile plans start at $15 a month. Certain conditions apply. Details at Fizz.ca. Today's episode is brought to you by Audible.

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and that's okay. That's fine, totally fine. Okay, the first part. I met my man on Reddit. After many, many months, they finally said, we're going to meet in person even though they lived in different hemispheres.

It's like the second we saw each other, we both knew soulmates. Oh. He, in his sleep, let rip the big, loudest, longest, longest fart I've ever heard in my laugh. I'm just going to read this sentence. I'm just reading it.

Yeah. If I hadn't waxed beforehand, he'd have... Hi, I'm Jera from Gresham, Oregon. Hi, my name is Heather from Ajax, Canada. Hi, I'm Brendan from Sydney and I approve this podcast. Welcome to a new week of the Tony and Ryan podcast. Pippa, Tony's dog has got a taste of the lime light and now she can't live any other way. Tony has broken her foot.

We are recording from Tony's couch once again. And Tony's dog, Pippa. As soon as the red light of the camera comes on, She just props up. She sits up tall. She does. She's like her mama. I love attention.

She didn't like you paying me out then. She gets defensive. Yeah, she'd protect her mom. We start the week with an important topic of when did you first fart in front of your partner? This is a grown-up podcast. We talk about farts. Freya.

Well, she started this in the Tony and Ryan Facebook group. She said, more like sprayer. Sorry. Hardly, Noah. I don't know for it personally, so I can't comment. She said, when did your relationship go from rom-com to sitcom? Pippa. She's poor.

Okay, it looks like her modesty's being covered because of the corner of that cushion. Look down at her. It's like she's wearing a little bikini. She's got a little like Adam and Eve. lady bunnet on her little on her little butt and her front bum bless it

okay yep tell us about Freyer Pippa's really interested it's so distracting trying to tell a story to someone Pippa who could not give a fuck I give a fuck though

give it on average between the two of you do you think as well it's that she also looks so relaxed that it's like hard to be focused because there's someone like on holiday and I just want to put my feet up and chill out do you know um I reckon even though it's like the opposite you know when you're on holiday you guys might have seen this like in Fiji tours and I saw it when we were in um Hawaii there were people at the pool that sit there like on their laptops yes it's so weird and you're sitting there and you're like pretty relaxed and then you see someone working and you

go, oh, I feel like, should I be doing, like, should I be doing something? I did, uh, like it makes you feel like a bit stressed. I think I was that, I did a bit of a uni assignment sitting at the bar. Oh, with an espresso martini. But I had a laptop out and people were like, oh, well, you would have looked like a very mysterious businessman. And espresso martini and a laptop at the bar, that's pretty switched on. Yeah.

But like, at the pool. And budgy smugglers and a singlet. Also, I wore a singlet and Charles bullied me. I did not believe you I said I've never seen you wearing a singlet before which is true But how did you say it Because there's it's how he said it's how he said it

Oh I've never seen you wear a singlet before And there's Oh have um I've never seen you where a singleer before They were looking for me And Charles goes I think he's over there And he's wearing a singlet Okay

And so the timeline of that is that He said that Lily took a photo Sent it to me and said Tony Ryan's wearing a singlet Did that actually happen? Yes I've got the If a guy can't wear a singlet in a tropical resort on a tropical island, where can he?

Yeah, I know. No, but don't you reckon that then we're working, right? Look at us. We're fucking focused. We're trying to talk about farts. We're switched on. And then there's someone here and you go, well, fucking live in La Vida, Pippa. I'd rather be lying down.

She's taking me out of it. Yeah. She makes me just want to watch movies and snore. And that is what she does all day. Isn't she so lucky? I wish I was my own dog. You are your own dog, Tony Lodge. Be your own dog.

Well, look at what she's doing and look what you're doing. I'm working. She's not holding a microphone. She can't. She doesn't have a boastable thumbs. It's ridiculous. It's stupid. Okay.

Tell me about Freya and her big pop-off. Freya said last night, my fiance and I were in the middle of a serious disagreement. Oh. And he goes, you know what? And then just ripped a massive fart. We both pissed ourselves laughing. It was the first part in front of each other.

I'm with the right person. No farts pre-proposal? Apparently not. That's wild. That's wild. You know, the first fart I didn't front of torps. neither do I because I couldn't tell you like I've got no idea because it's so regular because it's never happened yeah so like I don't I couldn't tell you the first time because

I don't think that they're you know when we met and I said when did you find out you're adopted yeah and you were like that doesn't really happen you just like always know so when was your first fight I don't know I'm just always farting yeah I was born like this I just grown up knowing I was farting. I grew up knowing I was a farting, yeah. And when your fart was a bit different and then going, yeah, that's just because of our family dynamic.

Yeah. You just farted a bit different to the rest of us. But we still love you though. Me, farting's a bit like you're getting adopted. So true. I've always. Have you ever found your biological farta? Because you've met my biological father.

I have met your biological father. And I hope to meet your biological farder one day. Hopefully I'll be nicer to them than you were to adopt. I was so lovely to Joel Joel might be my biological father actually We got along very well That is true

Can you imagine if like We found out he was your biological father Yeah Crazy Like that is That's so wild to me We're like to do an Ancestry

FNA FART DNA I was about to say fart NA but I don't know What the NA side says for What does it stand for? What does DNA stand for? Darno, DMA.

That's from... Diagnostic. Someone's Googling it. We can hear the Googling happening. Oh, Lily. Hang on, no. Can you send it in a text to Ryan and he'll read it out? Who's hot are you on?

Sweetheart, I love you. All right, someone's in it through. Oh. Okay, DNA stands. I'm just going to say it with confidence and just barrel on through. No, I love it. DNA stands for Dio Casey Ryobu Nikitzi acid. Perfect.

And I've always said that. So that's just DA. Where's the N. The Nanny? Don't say the Nett around Tony. We'll never get her back. Okay. The first part.

Next is Robin Cherry. Where's my cherry? I'm thinking to say you've met her sister Poppin. Torst didn't pop my cherry He stole it Rob and me cherry Sorry And he also didn't

He wasn't the first person I've had sex with What's like to do anything Well pop in like Pop your cherry is losing your virginity That's the saying Is it? Yeah Or like the first one

Like oh yeah Pop my cherry But it's like a virginity judge Oh. So you would not. Yeah. I hope to meet Pop and Cherry one day. Yeah.

Um. Sorry, that's really funny. Robin Cherry. No relation. Uh, says, I met my man on Reddit. Oh, wow. That's crazy. For six months, they were chatting online, face-timing, and,

And after many, many months, they finally said, we're going to meet in person, even though they lived in different hemispheres. So he flew all... That would be so scary. He flew all the way to her. I picked him up from the airport. And it's like the second we saw each other and hug, we both knew, soulmates, we were right. Obviously, it was a bit risky and scary, but we just knew straight away we were meant to be

together. Finally, we made it home. He'd traveled all around the world, so he was exhausted. So he fell asleep spooning A moment we'd been dreaming of For many, many months See, I've just watched so much 90 day fiancé That I'm like, I just, I'd get such red flags

I was Big Spoon He was Little Spooned Because he was so tired And she was just like... That is so beautiful He, in his sleep Let rip the biggest, loudest, longest, longest fart I've ever heard in my laugh

Because I was a big spoon He basically farted straight into my vagina into your puss, yeah. If I hadn't waxed beforehand,

he would have burnt their hairs I'm just going to read this sentence. I'm just reading it.

Yeah. If I hadn't waxed beforehand, he'd have burnt the hairs straight off my moot. Fuck,

people do not say moot enough. They say too much. No. I haven't heard it in 10 years and that's too much. People need to say

mut more. He woke himself up and said, that wasn't a dream, was it? Oh, because you're like, he was like, we just, man, and I just did a big fart into you of moot.

We both died laughing for about an hour. It was love and we're still together. That is such a beautiful story. Isn't that beautiful? Charles, you need to spend more time on Reddit. Yeah. You could fart into the love of your life's moot. Yep.

Yeah. Yeah. It's moot to be. Boo. Lord, I really like you. I think I'm ready for you to meet my mutter up. Do you know what happened in Tony's lost? Yeah, she broke her.

She's going to... I feel I was done with you. She's going to... All right, she really don't know what you're going to say. Shit! She got! Shit! No!

I'm saying, I've got it, I'm ready, I'm ready, hang on. I think everyone already knows. No, I do. No, I'll say it. Are you going to be there? She's going to have a, she's going to have mutt surgery. That's not what I was thinking. She's going to have a rod put in her moot.

Yeah, moot's so fucked up. She needs to scoot her to get around. I fucked up my moot so bad I had to fly home. I strangely have another story about farting when in the spooning position. Yep. This is its own segment. Okay. So we're saving it?

This is from Jacqueline. Hi, Jacqueline. I am four foot 11. We only just learn that Tony doesn't know sizes No, I don't really know Like it doesn't mean, foot doesn't mean anything Like fate doesn't really mean anything to me I was 11 mutt and 11

11 11 11 foot tall Four moot Four moot tall Four moot 11 Four moot's I was four moots tall She's a real

Yeah We got to be but It's funny though For some reason, I'm the big spoon when I cuddle my man. So she's real little, so she's a lot shorter than nude. Like a little koala bear. The first time I farted in front of him, we were spooning. I was mortified because I was like, you know, like.

Modified? I was mortified that it slipped out. But he just started laughing and assured me it's fine. It's like, I'm not like, ew, like, it's fine. About 10 minutes later, because he made me feel. so comfortable, instead of holding it in, I just let it rip. Oh, love it. Like, we crossed that boundary.

Yeah. Because I was the big spoon and I'm so little, he said, you're like my little jet pack. Take me to the moon. Take me to the moon. We both laughed our asses off. That was seven years ago. We now have two beautiful children. Oh, that is so sweet.

Yeah, the sound of little moot steps in the morning coming down the hallway. And they just love celebrating more stuff. Hi, I'm Derek from Gresham Morgan. Hi, my name is Heather from AJAX, Canada. Hi, I'm Brandon from Sydney. And you're listening to Tony and Ryan. Today's episode is brought to you by Audible. And let me tell you, Audible's romance collection has something for every side of you.

We're talking modern rom-coms from authors like Lily Chu and Ali Hazelwood, the latest romantic series from Sarah J. Maas and Devney Perry, Regency favourites like Pride and Prejudice Plus all the really steamy stuff Maybe you're into hockey hunks Or sexy billionaires Like Tony Lodge Or not that she's into it

She is a sexy billionaire Or forbidden realms Oh and you know what I'm saying A forbidden realm Who needs one book boyfriend When you can have five One in the city One on the hockey rink

One with a sword and dragons Your first great love story is free is free when you sign up for a free 30-day trial at audible.ca. Little warning, you may develop unrealistic expectations of real-life people and that's okay. That's fine. Totally fine.

Thank you for your patience. Your call is important. Can't take being on hold anymore? FIS is 100% online so you can make the switch in minutes. Mobile plans start at $15 a month. Certain conditions apply. Details at FIS.ca.

A massive shout-up to all of our champion tarpers over at our Patreon. I'm sorry, I've had to really take a second then to compose myself from there. She started saying dots. I did, I did, and my throat really hurt. That's okay. Christina, love to see it, Christina. Thank you so much. Amandep Baines, thanks to Mandip.

a man deep that sounds like me on Saturday night before the surgery you had to get what's the name again? A man deep Before the surgery you had to get tested

for a man deep thrombosis Very funny Hannah shin Nah my shin's okay It's my foot Norman King Good on you Norman Lauren Carl

Oh you fingers her on a plane Number one Very funny Lauren Carl Lauren Carl Lauren car Lauren car see your finger oh my god is you fucking Lauren

Plying after you've finished with her Katie good on you Katie Chrissy the Kiwi oh thanks crossy um Kelly Sarton Kelly Farton and Echo Polyvka thank you very much being part of Patreon Echo Polyvka Polyvka Polyvka that's very funny it's Monday again can you believe how quickly

this bloody date rolls around Pippie watch Mummy's foot it's broken if she moved forward her moot would be on your foot I was about to say her foot is in my moot as well oh this too can't stay anywhere in this town you gotta be careful

oh you need moot surgery anyway um I've got a hot take please still don't have the outfit better bit better bit but still don't have the outfit I just not even anything

red her up paper's little fuck so I can pop on my head um is no it's orange but yeah but it's hot Is the take fox related? No. Not at all.

That's stupid. What kind of hot take could I have about a fox? Maybe you are the fox that gives hot takes. And everyone will be like, what does the fox say? Ning, ming, ming, ming, ming, ming, ming, ming, ming, ming, ming, ming, ming, what does the fox say? What does the fox say? Ning, ming, ming, ming, ming, ming, ming, ming, ming, ming, ming, ming, ming. Anyway, I have a hot take.

I think it should be illegal to see a bride and not say anything. Facts. Facts, facts, facts. You've been scorched. sorry baby sorry pipper so true i think in one of the first episodes like very early i said there's nothing that thrills me more than seeing a bride in the wild it is the most thrilling and if you want to see a bride in the wild in melbourne go to flinders lane on a saturday because everyone gets their photos there and it's just a man they look fabulous and they get

their photos done in the laneways and stuff so amazing so when bridget and i got married yes we had to walk from our hotel to like the gardens where we got married Yep, which is so sweet. But in all the wedding planning, we never liked, we just like, yeah, we'll get ready at the hotel room and then we'll head down to it. We didn't really think about the fact we would have to walk there. Yeah.

And every, I've got goosebumps. Every single person we walk past, we were just like, oh, you look gorgeous. You look beautiful. The dress looks so great. You look so hard. And it was, oh, thank you. And just, it was excellent.

Like a real celebrity, but so hulsome. Why are you saying this? Is someone walked, what's going on, man? So because I haven't. I thought everyone knew this. I didn't think it needed a story. scorching. Well, so I have been, we've been walking a bit lately.

Have you? Like, well, so, because I can't really do a lot of stuff. Torpso's like, what if we just go for a little wander around the block? And then what if we just go down to the park and like kind of scoot up to the edge? We can sit on the grass, get you some fresh air, a bit of a change of scenery. But it's not like a lot of moving around. but I can kind of get there, we can settle in for a bit and then kind of fuck off. And we were at like a garden and there was this bride having photos taken in the park.

Absolutely beautiful. And I was like, oh my God, how stunning. And she's kind of walking around and all of her girlfriends are with her. It's so beautiful. And I was reminded that when I was a bridesmaid for my friend Jane, we were walking through doing because they jane and darcy did their like first look in the park nice so all the photos of them like seeing each other for the first time is like in this beautiful like spot in um they live like port melbourne south melbourne area and um they get all of these photos and everybody that walks past is like saying congratulations you look so beautiful and this woman was sat on this bench right next to where we were yeah and she didn't say a thing. What a bitch.

And I just thought, how, how can you see a bride and a groom and like their dog, Olly had a little like bow tie on? We were all dressed up. We're holding a flat. Like, you know, it's very clear what's going on. Was there even like a, like a smile or a nod or just like, because I could understand you like, oh, it's their day. I don't want to interrupt, but just a, you know, like a smile.

beautiful yeah nothing like this person and it wasn't as if she was mad either just nothing and I was like and so when we saw this and so after that happened I was like you can't how could you not you just feel like you're a part of the day like you get sucked into the day and then you get to tell your friends I was at a wedding today I saw a bride in the wild I saw a bride in the wild which is just like the most exciting thing you can see um and then so I see this bride and I'm like, oh, I, like, want to say, like, I'm going to say something because I'm just like, you have to. Legally.

Legally. You just have to. And, oh, oh, stuff. Love the dread. Like, you know. And it's just so sweet. I feel like it's such a, like, community activity. And I can't believe that someone could see that and not say something.

Hard agree. Yeah. I want to talk to you, Tony Lodge. Feel free. Award winning podcaster. Bestselling author. Thank you. Award winning author.

Thank you. great ass I actually really appreciate that because at the moment I don't feel great about myself I want to talk to you about your legacy do you think

we should part we'll put a bill to Parliament the Tony Lodge Law yes and your legacy will be in the state of Victoria it is illegal to see a bride

and not comment and not say something and pass on well wishes and your legacy for generations to come will be everyone will know that tony lodged love love and so the law is in and if someone walks past and then they go oh sobriety better say something why oh the tony lodge law oh i like that yeah oh no no she's i'm gonna put people in prison she's gone mad with power her legacy where she went mad with power and like every celebrant now also needs to be a police officer so that they can

arrest people on the way. You know how the celebrant course should be three hours, but it's 27 years. I believe you and Sophie are aware of this fact. Yeah. Has hurt expired? Both of ours has. Yeah, fuck. Okay, so they'll midway through the 27 year course.

It's now a 27 and a half year course because you spend six months on the Tony Lodge law. Yeah. Oh, that's going to be an intricate law. I think that's fair. That's a great hot take. I think that you, I just can't believe that people don't, wouldn't say something. It's fucked. I just, how could you not?

it's just so beautiful yeah I loved it the Tony Lodge law I see I like where your heads on that what would the Ryan John law be Just being a mad dog You've got to strap your wrist at volleyball

No Oh okay I've got a love to see it first actually Is it that you brought my socks today Yeah they're on the way My love to see it Is Mabel played her first game of volleyball And she didn't strap her wrist

What an idiot Now, let me talk to you about the dynamics of volleyball. I've been waiting for this for 900 episodes. Yeah. Some would assume that if you were playing three people versus two people, the three would have an advantage. So we played Lily and Charles versus me, Bridget and Maple. Yep.

Oh, yep. Oh, they've got an extra player. It must be easier. But we're in the pool, by the way. That's good to know. Well, I'm holding Mabel so she doesn't drown. So that takes one of your arms away. Yeah.

And then you're trying to... How are you going to dig set spike? It's very difficult. It's very difficult. That's impressive. That's impressive. Yeah. You know, Charles, pretty good.

Were you good? Lil pretty good. They're both tall. Yeah. Yeah. My wife is pretty good. Lil being good. Charles.

Some were better than others. Some were better than others. I don't claim to be good at anything. I think he's trying to be sweet. What, you were a little bit too good because do you remember the spike? Oh.

So Charles set up Lily a fucking Ripper, right? Perfect. Yeah. Lil with that big raking left hand, towels over the net and spikes the ball into my two-year-old daughter's face.

Liliana. And I was like, I didn't know Lil had that in it. And you're like, luckily we've got the number for the Medivac gum. We've got to get Mabel. I picked her up from the airport.

Lucky she was wearing a life. She was wearing a, what, what are you? Like a floaty vest. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because she just might have sunk straight to the bottom. It gave her a chance to regain consciousness and still be above. Willie, you didn't have to be jealous of Mabes. It was like, meet the...

Did you want Ryan to hold you while he was like... It was like, is it, meet the fuckers where Ben Stiller just like... Yes, into Owen Wilson's face. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought this was a you love to see it My love to see it was Mabel Hoping it No actually thanks for getting us back on that

A playing volleyball with her dad Yep And B just fucking taking a ball to the face How did she go? She takes it She's a fucking chat She really is in such a show bar She takes a stack and just goes

Yeah Again Yeah No she I'm so jealous I wasn't there for that Well not that part No I would like to see that Yeah

Yeah, well, maybe we'd like to see it at some stage in her life. Yeah, both her eyes being popped out the back of her face. The vision hasn't come back yet, but all good. What do you love to see, Tony? I've got to you love to see here from Jazz Bell. Jazz wanted to let us know that she started the fucking blog. And I love to see this because it's kind of a bit of what Jazz has done here is what we were aiming to do with the idea of your love to see it.

Right. For years, I've been thinking about starting an Instagram. page for positive news because I was sick and tired of only seeing bad things going on. So I thought, fuck it. I'll start my own little corner of happiness on the internet. So I can share good news. People can send in their stories.

I don't really know what I'm doing yet, but I'm learning. It's got a great name. I'd be like after dark copy. This name is amazing. Jazz has called it the silver lining notebook. That's funny. And I believe it's on Instagram so you can go and follow Jazz now

already. And post like some good news to give you a bit of a, give you a bit of a happy, a jazz up. Yes, love it. She missed an opportunity calling at that. Yeah, she did. Yeah, but I think, very happy with the name you chose, but jazz up would have been pretty special. Yeah, that would have been good.

But I just think, like, the same way with us, we kind of go, you know what? We started this podcast being a COVID-free zone. Yep. And at news free zone, we just wanted to be a brain break and have a bit of fun. And I love that jazz wants to kind of create that for herself as well. So good on you. That's awesome. Love that jazz.

Yeah, but also, Mabel getting hit in the face with a volleyball. So, all good news. Her playing her first game was that you love to see it, not the fact that Lily assaulted her. I'm not looking over there. I wouldn't. You'll turn to stone. Do you there remember at the airport when you said to Mabel,

on the way to the airport you said to Mabel, oh, do you remember when Lily hit you in the face with the volleyball? Ryan. Is that why she went to Hugged Lillian and then pulled it was just more of a memory test but you'd see if she was... Oh, do you know who the prime minister is? Do you remember when Lily

was the face of the volleyball? No, it was more like Mabel was in like the concussion protocols. Yeah, yeah, who's the prime minister? What day is it? I thought you were making a joke about the prime minister because my mum met the Fiji in prime minister. I wasn't actually, no.

That actually happened a few weeks ago because of course my mum did. Of course, your mum is so fun. I love it. We'll be back tomorrow. Something happened to me in the hospital and I need it with, yeah, sorry everyone. That's coming up tomorrow. Is it moot related? It is moot related.

Okay. Yeah. Had a real fanny of a time. Love you. See you. Bye. Today's episode is brought to you by Audible. And let me tell you, Audible's romance collection has something for every side of you.

We're talking modern rom. comes from authors like Lily Chew and Ali Hazelwood, the latest Romanticies series from Sarah J. Mars and Devney Perry, Regency favourites like Pride and Prejudice, plus all the really steamy stuff. Maybe you're into hockey hunks, ooh, or sexy billionaires, like Tony Lodge. Or, not that she's into it, she is a sexy billionaire. Or forbidden realms. Oh, and you know what I'm saying a forbidden realm. Who needs one book, boyfriend, when you can have five, one in the city, one on the hockey rink, one with a sword and dragons? Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30-day trial at audible.ca.

Little warning, you may develop unrealistic expectations of real-life people, and that's okay. That's fine. Totally fine. Thank you for your patience. Your call is important. Can't take being on hold any. anymore? FIS is 100% online, so you can make the switch in minutes. Mobile plans start at $15 a month. Certain conditions apply. Details at fizz.ca.