Toni and Ryan - Father Of The Year

Episode Date: June 3, 2025

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Listen to Sacrilege, Curse of the Mbui now. Go to audible.ca slash sacrilege. That's S-A-C-R-I-L-E-G-E. Hello, welcome to the Tony Ryan podcast. I'm Tony, this is Ryan, and we never start an episode without the approval from a Tapa. Yeah, a Tapa is a Tony and Ryan podcast. Now, Alyssa is in Cedar Falls, Iowa. I believe you've got a TV show recommendation for us.

Yes, I do. It's the Masked Singer. I don't know if you guys have ever heard of it. We have a version in Australia. Yes. Oh, you do. It's so exciting. I agree. I think the first-

Take it off! Take it off! The first few seasons were massive in Australia. Like, it was huge. And then I think it- Yeah, I think it bombed. Yeah, because- But the American one has actual celebrities on it.

That's the difference. Yes. Yeah, yeah. And like Ariana Grande is a judge, I think. Holy shit. Like it's a whole thing. Can I tell you a secret Alyssa? Yeah.

I like made some emails and calls to get Tony Lodge under a mask to sing. Did you really? Yeah. I was like, how do we make this happen? And they went, I think we've canned it. I thought you were about to say that they said, I think we need a real celebrity. No, no, no. I've seen some of the people on that show. The funniest is there's always an American judge and it's like, Oh, this guy was in season two of some Australian show.

And they're like, Oh yeah. Is it him? And we're like, you've never heard of him. Clearly Lindsay Lohan does not know who John Howard is. Yeah. That's an Australian joke. Yeah. Um, Alyssa, that's a great recommendation. First of all. Yeah. Yeah. I agree. Will you approve today's podcast?

Yes. Legend. Thank you. This is Alyssa from Iowa and I approve this podcast. Welcome to a Wednesday episode. It's been a chaotic day. Hump day sluts. Yep. Don't say my two year old daughter was here about 15 seconds ago and she can hear when

you say bad words like that. Well, she's a little bitch. Yeah. Well, and that's actually what I wanted to talk to you about. No, I love her so much. I love her more than my own child, which I don't have. I love her as if she was my own child. There we go.

Yeah, sorry. Now, this is actually what I wanted to talk to you about. The reason why I'm a rabble this morning is that Mabel, she's a bit tired now. Wonder why, wonder why. She was rubbing her eyes a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. All good at home, eh?

Last night was a harrowing evening for parents who want to sleep good and stuff. Now, let me tell you how awesome a parent I am. Yes. You tell me whether I've nailed it or I've fucked it. You're the judge. Nailed or failed. Nailed or failed. Nailed or failed.

Oh, that sounds so fucking millennial. It does. But we are millennials. Charles, what would you say? You wouldn't say fail? No. I don't know what I would say though. Yeah.

So, A lot's gone on this morning. Yeah, Charles had a big morning. You know what? Thanks to Charles. No further questions. This podcast almost didn't happen. Yeah, you wouldn't have had an episode today.

It's quite late at the moment. Now, parents would know that parenting is the best thing in the world, but it is fucked. But great, but fucked. Yeah, and you love a girl that can do both. You love them, but it's fucked. Turtles. Love them. Love them, fucked.

Yeah. So Mabel is like inconsolable at life. Oh, so she was upset, because normally she gets up, she's party girl. Woo woo. Well, yeah, and that's what I want to talk to you about. Right. So I thought I've slayed this,

because she was really upset and there's no rhyme or reason why. And I've, and Bridget. What time was this? I think it was about 1am but she'd been gone for a bit. Bridget had a crack and she'd come in and just, can you have a try? Yeah. Cause I'm getting to the end of my. Yeah. She was done. I was like, yeah, yeah, well I'll have a crack. And then instead of being like, go to bed, I've been practicing like, it seems like you're upset. Oh, could I help you with this?

Yeah. I use solutions or feelings based right now. No, but I think it's more like. That's what Torbz does with the baby that he lives with. Yeah. Who's 29 years older than Mabel. Oh, I thought you were going to say I was just 29. I was like, I know I look amazing, but. You do look amazing. Have you been for a swim this morning? Stop it. She has, you know, I have, and my hair's still a little bit wet. So I've

really still got my pool personality. My swimming psyche. Wet for life. My pool persona. It's all very good. Okay. Yeah. Sorry. Back to your bad life. My poor persona. It's all very good. Okay. Yeah. Sorry. Back to your bad life. Mabel, you seem upset and she goes, yeah.

Oh, baby. And then I go, oh, it's like, sometimes it's just a bit tough, isn't it? And she goes, yeah. And then I was like, oh, do you remember earlier when I was like brushing your hair with the comb and she sort of liked that because it like was touching her head. And it's like relaxing. Yeah. And she goes, yeah. And I go, okay, I'll do it again. And then I like kind of rubbed it and she was kind of like, because it like touching her head and it's like relaxing. Yeah and she goes yeah and I go okay I'll do it again and then I like kind of rubbed

it and she was kind of like oh like he's not fighting me I don't need to fight back. We're in this together. We're in this together. Oh that's so, you know what you are healing something within women around the world with terrible deaths. Can I just say that? Let's not get ahead of ourselves. Oh I'm just giving you the highest price.

Actually, let me take that back and say, thank you. So, Rose is a little duck, like a teddy bear duck that we have in Mabel's room. A teddy bear, so like a plushy duck? Yeah, like a, yeah. And then I said, oh, I think Rose wants a cuddle. Hang on, and then I put Rose up to my ear and go,

whang, whang, whang, whang, wang. Oh, you want a cuddle from me? So you're doing gear at 1am? Great gear, great gear. Wow. And I go, oh. I've done gear at 1am with Sophie. What was that, Rose? Wang, wang, wang.

What was that? Sophie and Tony doing gear at a work event on a Thursday. Yeah, with the ducks. Oh. So I'm kind of like, I'm like, oh, Rose is a bit upset as well, but wang, wang, wang. Oh, she wants a cuddle from Mabel. Mabel, do you reckon you can help Rose and give her a cuddle? And then she gives, and then I'm like, oh, Rose is a bit upset as well, but she wants a cuddle

from Mabel. Mabel, do you reckon you can help Rose and give her a cuddle? And then she gives, and then I was like, you know, doing all the characters and stuff. Beautiful. And then, um... What other characters you got? Uh, we've got a hippo. Oh yeah?

What kind of voice do you give the hippo? Well, he doesn't, he's just sort of like a sound, like he's just like a huff and a puff, but it's more like, and I go, oh, really? That's good. Because he's like a big hipp I go, oh, really? That's good. Because he's like a big hippo. What else you got? Rose is the duck. Uh, Dolly is a Dolly Jemima, but.

Not very original. Yeah. But anyway, so then I was like, oh, I think, um, Rose the duck wants to go for a walk because she goes waddle, waddle, waddle, waddle. And so then Mabel's like, yeah, okay. And so then Mabel grabs the duck and then walked up and down her cot and is like going waddle, waddle, duck, duck, quack, quack, like doing all these noises.

And then I'll go, great. And she goes, yeah, you seem to be feeling a bit better. And she goes, yeah, can we read a book? And I was like, yep. So I popped the light on, read a book. And then she kind of was looking at, we were doing, going on a bear hunt. And then we have this thing.

Gonna catch a big one. What a beautiful day. Yeah, we all know that. Yeah. But then because I said the word hunt, that's a line in what's the really fucking annoying angry baby shark. Baby shark. So then we start running around and doing baby shark. Time to hunt. She's hunted me and she's ferocious. Let's go hunt. Yeah. So. I like the grandma with the no teeth. It's very good. So then she's running around hunting and the lights on and I'm sitting back going, dad of the year.

Totally. I've taken this child from inconsolable to happy as fuck. To happy, yeah. Bridget comes in and goes, what the fuck are you two up to? Oh, well I hope she didn't swear in front of the baby. Because we then, she's got like a little, it's not a drum kit, but she uses this thing as a drum.

And so she's like, let's go hunt, da da da da da da. And the lights on and she's jumping up and down and she's really happy. And I go, Bridge, dad of the year. Look how happy she is. Inconsolable to really happy. Look at her. What would you prefer, crying or this?

You know? And then she goes, that's a great question actually. And then it hits me. The lights on, she's never been more awake in her life and it's about quarter past one. You're no closer to going back to bed. I'd say we're a lot further away.

And instead of acknowledging that we're further away, Bridget walks in and I go, look what I've done. How good am I? And she just goes, do you know what you've done? She's like, Hey, you guys have a great lunch. Like a dayton. Now, you, Tony Lodge, even though we are best friends, you have already picked sides and you've picked the side of I'm with Mabel if she's like at a party needs to get picked up late I'll be that person. Absolutely. I'll buy her drinks, all the stuff.

After she's 18. 18, yeah yeah. But you're like, you're going to be the cool big sister that everyone wants. Yes! And you've pledged allegiance to being the cool big sister. Yes, and I will be young enough looking to be considered a big sister, which is what we're all after. True. Well, when I was at your place the other day, someone goes, oh, is that Mabel's sister? I thought you only had one kid.

And I was like, no, she's an only child. That's actually just some- Yeah, that's actually my best friend. Yeah, just some beautiful lady. Yeah. So- Beautiful girl, something. Quote, have you said, now I know this conversation is probably 13 or 14 years earlier than we expected.

Sure. Did you say when Mabel wants to party at night, I'll be the one that goes out with her? Nope. I said I'd pick her up. That sounds like... I said I'll pick her up. Are you my charming's in the car? Great.

Then come pick... Pick her up. Actually, he's better. Hey, you know what? You know what? What are you doing tonight? I will do that. 1000% I'll do that.

I'll come fucking hang out with her. Tonight. I mean tonight she'll be tired because she's been up all night last night. Yeah, yeah, you're right. Tomorrow night. Don't put your phone on do not disturb. Never do. And you're in my favorites so it comes through anyway.

Now, so this is what- Why did you just do a face when I said don't put my phone You know, I don't but I you're normally like you go down to bed and you're like, yeah But I don't put my phone on do not say because what if someone needs me I am the main character Yes, I forget I forget if anything happens people need Tony Lodge. So this is what's gonna happen She's gonna wake up and bridge goes on and it's always like, should you go, can I go for, can you go for, and I'll just go, no. You film me calling Tony. Yep.

Literally, you know what? I'll remove a whole step. I'll come over, make a lasagna for dinner. You guys go to bed and if she starts to cry, I'll be like, don't worry, I got it. You stay asleep and I'll get her. Tomorrow night? Yep. Absolutely. I genuinely will.

On the way home. Could you drop the lasagna off? You got this. Yeah. What if I meet you out the front and you take... Oh, this as well. My party guy. Yeah. Yeah.

So... Toddy, Oddy and Mobby. I mean, it writes a channel. It does. It really does. It really does. Rolls off the tongue. Hey, it's Alyssa from Iowa and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. This episode is brought to you by Fizz. And at Fizz, they do things differently. Well, Fizz is 100% online and here to offer their community personalised mobile plans

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where bold ideas meet big opportunity, where dreams become reality. Whether you're building your career or scaling your business, Calgary is where what if turns into what's next. It's possible here in Calgary, the blue sky city. Learn more at calgaryeconomicdevelopment.com. Thank you so much to all of our champion tapas. A massive shout out. This is just a few of them. There's many over at our Patreon.

You can check it out at any time. All the links are in the description. I'll see you next time. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Thank you so much to all of our champion toppers. A massive shout out. This is just a few of them. There's many over at our Patreon.

You can check it out at any time. All the information's in our show notes. Alyssa Chase, good on you Alyssa. Holly Parkinson. Hey Holly, I hope you had a great night's sleep last night. Same Holly. Steph The Mess, good on you Steph. Nora Fritch, Shay Lane, Hooper, Emma Cosgrove, Samantha and Katie Cat.

Thank you very much for being part of our Patreon. Absolutely love to see it. A lot of good stuff over in Patreon at the moment. It's been popping the fuck off. How do we feel about the hot chocolate video in hindsight? About how all of you are ungrateful c****s. I was not. Not you Charles. Not you, Charles.

Thank you. Well, I wanted to know how we were feeling. All of us. And I think we all just got our answer. No, I liked the safety video. I think that is very good. That was good, very good, very good. And I think that, you know what,

because you and Lily were actually like working and doing your jobs. Charles and I had been doing that. Thank you for acknowledging that. So we were like up here in vibes. And then when we came and brought the chocolate over, it was a bit, you know, maybe you didn't meet us at the 40,000 feet we were at.

And that's actually fine. Because at our office here, we're going at about 10 feet. Today, it might be underground. Yeah. Yep. Fair, fair, fair. Now, am I right in thinking the new show on Netflix with Steve Carell, Tina Fey, that's called Four Seasons? And that I, having just looked at the- Am I right in saying that?

You're telling the story. No, like, is that what it's called though? I don't know, didn't you write it down? No, I just wrote TV show. I think it's called the Four Seasons. So because the Four, and now I know having watched the first episode that like the Four Seasons refers to like this happens in, and now I know, having watched the first episode, that the four seasons refers to this happens in spring and autumn, blah, blah.

Yeah. But I just saw them on holidays, saw the word four seasons and went, is this just the White Lotus? Cause I kind of- Oh, but it's like about the hotel. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you see these people,

like it's a cast. It's like not that. Yeah, but I was like, are we all just making White Lotuses now? Right. You know how there's a theme in TV where something goes off and everyone goes, well, are we all just making white lotuses now? Right. You know how there's a theme in TV where like something goes off and everyone goes, well, we'll just do one of those. I do know.

It's not that. It's not that. Now I wanted to talk about something that happened in the first episode. Yep. And then Tony, I'd say it was more than a tiff. No, like it wasn't you. It was like the together we could not decide whether I'm allowed to

talk about what happens in the first episode because it's kind of a spoiler. But I think that whatever happens in the first episode is kind of like just telling everyone the premise of the show because snippets of the first episode have been on like TikTok and that's like, once you know what happens in the first step you kind of can decide oh that sounds interesting maybe I want to watch it. Yes, yep. So that's my point of view. Mine. And Tony threw me out of the building. I did not but I did save. She ejected me at 40 000 feet. She said that again in front of the emergency door. I've got the like um um, the best. I'm still doing the same demonstration. Um, no, well, I think that you can mention it if it happens in the first 10 minutes of the show, because I think it's like straight off the bat.

And you know, when you say to someone like, Oh, have you watched blah? And they go, nah, but I heard about it. And you go, Oh, so basically the premise is blah. And you go, Oh, that happens in the first, like that is if you watched the trailer, you would also learn that. But for the four seasons, which is really good, I've watched the whole thing. It's really easy to watch, like it's pretty chill.

But like I hadn't watched a trailer or anything. So you were cold, cold. So I actually don't know if this is even in the trailer, but when Ryan mentioned the thing he wanted to mention, I said, that's actually a pretty big spoiler because you don't like- Does it happen in the first 10 minutes? No, it doesn't even happen to really

till the second episode. Oh, well I haven't got to that yet. I've only seen the first episode. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. What's that Charles? No, so like you know how you- You're not about to spoil anything are you Charles?

You know how like you guys said, are you gonna watch it Charles? And I said, yeah, like I've seen things. I've actually seen the whole show. I just forgot. And then like, now you're talking about this. I'm like, oh, what's that show? Must have been a very memorable show. It was quite new. It's like been four seasons on White this. I'm like, oh, that was that show. Must have been a very memorable show.

It was quite new. It's like been four seasons on White Lotus. I watched them. You're watching White Lotus like only just finished. Yeah. But I reckon, can I, is this how shit content scrub through and see when it happens? Because I reckon it's right on the 10 minute mark when Steve. Nah, it's not. I've seen the first episode. And do you think that the thing we're referring to?

The thing I'm referring to is what? It's, no, shut up. This thing? Yeah. Yeah. That I think is a spoiler. I think so too. Like because I hadn't seen a trailer,

but the whole watching the first episode, I would never have expected that to happen. So it would mean for a new person, the first half hour, half the long, half the episode. Because it's a 30 minute episode. Oh, fuck it is too. It's only 20, 27. Oh, okay. That's way shorter than I thought it would be. Same, it felt like a fucking hour. Oh, no. I don't know what you guys are talking about.

It's the... Anyway. I think people listening now would appreciate us telling them what we're talking about. No, because I don't, I think that the whole thing, so Ryan. I've gone to scrub through and now Netflix is playing me an ad. I pay you a fucking monthly fee.

What the fuck are you playing me an ad for? That is so fucking pov, you have the Netflix with ads on it. Anyway. Oh, sorry. Come on. I'm a fucking father. Come on. I'm a fucking it. Anyway. Oh, sorry. Come on. I'm a working father. Come on.

Come on. I'm a working mother. Come on. I am luckily not a working mother. I know how you feel about this. Hang on, hang on, hang on. This could be crazy. I've scrubbed through.

What did you say? Not in the first 10 minutes? They start walking at 9 minute mark. Do we still want to back it in? And if we use this for the episode or not, it's going to be like comically right on it. I think it is what I was talking about. I think it might be. Yeah. Okay. But I would find that such a spoiler

because yeah, I didn't see it coming either. I didn't see it coming. Hang on, man. Is this good content? Another fucking ad. Fuck me right off. Honestly, the fact that this is what we should really be talking about.

Please join the Patreons that Ryan can get the next tier up of Netflix. Save our show. I'm not being a dick. I'm not being a dick. It happens at like the nine minute 40 mark, which I'm not, I'm actually not saying that that makes me right. It's just so hilarious. It's very funny. I don't think though, I think that that is a spoiler for the show. Yeah. Okay. Because Well, I don't know what's going next. I don't that is a spoiler for the show. Yeah, okay. Because.

Well, I don't know what's going next. No, fuck it for me. No, no, no, because you haven't watched it. But have you? Has everybody? You've watched the whole thing. Just one. Lily's watched the whole thing. You've only watched one episode. OK, so because it's actually not really the whole show's thing. Like if it was like, you know, if you're watching a show and it was like, oh, and the aliens come to earth

and you go, oh, and you go, oh, it's actually the premise of the whole show. This is like a tiny thing that happens. It's not the arc of the whole show. So that's why I think it's more of a spoiler because it's something that happens to like the group, but it's not something that like is the whole thing of the show. The other thing that you do, and I find this really endearing, but I fuck it. It pisses me off is that when you are really excited about a show, you'll be

like, have you watched this thing or have you watched this movie or whatever? And I go, Oh no, I haven't. I just add it to my list. You go, oh, it's so good. It's so good when blah happens and you always spoil it. No, it's like when you watch a trailer in the trailer, there's parts of the show in it and it jazzes you up. I'm a jazz-a-rapper-a. That's who I am. I jazz things. No, and I think you do, but you do it to the point. And then you go, anyway. And then so we're watching this documentary. Turns out she did kill him. I did not. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

You do do that. You do do that. You do. And it's OK. It doesn't sound like it. But then you go, do you reckon you're watching? I go, oh, yeah, don't tell me because I think I watch it. You go, oh, but honestly, the way they do the trial is amazing. I can't believe that he was innocent. I go, oh, but honestly, the way they do the trials, amazing. I can't believe that he was innocent. And I go, awesome.

And I think it's really because you get so excited. Have you watched Bad Thoughts yet? No, but I've watched the three like you then said, you should go and watch this. And then you just show you explain to me shot for shot. Three of the sketches. Then made you watch it. Then made me watch it. And then keep asking how you watched it.

And then you enforced your wife to watch it last week. And then she called me and she said, fuck us, right? Yeah. But like you explained it to me, you go, it's really funny. I go, yeah, cool, I'll put it on the list. You go, oh, so it's really funny how like the punchline is that like all the old people are eating his asshole oh wait a spoiler for everyone else and then i go oh cool and you go let's watch it that sounds like a throwaway line but that's actually what happens that is actually

what happens and that's in the first episode and that's okay um but massimo i think maybe what people could do is comment on today's episode if If you've made it this far, has this been awful? I think this is classic best friend chat. If you ask me and I think that we're pulling it off, I'll pull you off. Please. But I think that if people could comment, maybe we should pick a question, but hit live brainstorm, I want to know like, what is a spoiler? Like.

Cause I just wanna talk about a show that people are watching with everyone and I wanna be the type to break it down. Yeah. Cause I think what. Shut up. See, this is what you do. You go, no, I won't spoil it.

But it's just crazy though, when blah and blah don't get along and then that person explodes. I think. Like, it's the whole show. It's a dick move to make a friend keep a secret. What? Don't put that pressure on him.

What do you mean? You'll know when you get to the nine minute and 30 second mark. Oh, I thought you meant me making you keep a spoiler in. I thought that you were, I just think it's really fucked up, Tony, that you did that. I'm like. And I. Maybe I. Thank you.

Thank you. That wasn't just me. I don't know if we can come back from this. What Steve Carell says, that's not cool. Shut the fuck up. Watch for the first nine minutes and 26 seconds and then you tell me if that's cool. Well, it'll take a bit longer if you've got out. I've got a love to see it here.

Wow. I've got a love to see it here. Wow, Miss Tony SodaStream Lodge just looking down her nose at us regular people on Main Street. What the fuck does that mean? Oh so you live in town? Oh I live in the country. I know what it is it seems because he's been reading kids books during the night so everything's got like a Main Street that they love. So do you want to know what that refers to?

What? I think, and I could have just assumed this, but often when you hear people talk on like Wall Street, that's like the fancy executives. What? Cause you know how those on Wall Street are like out of touch cause they're like rich, fancy people that live in high rises in New York.

So then they go, well, yeah, on Wall Street maybe, but on Main Street, like where everyday people live. A regular Joe's. Yeah. Yeah. So like if you were an uptown girl, or a back street guy. Uptown girl, she been living in a white house.

I don't know what's that. I could tell. You did not cover that up well. She's been living on a white towel world. No. I've lived on a white towel. She's been living on a white towel world. I've lived on a white towel world. You've sat on a white towel world. Yeah. I've got a yellow C and O.

And I'm kind of regretting it because it's a little bit of word play. Oh, great. I'd hate for you to fuck that up. No, but I'm like, maybe you won't get it. And now I might feel bad. I'm gonna show it to you and I would like for you to read it out loud.

So I have to be the fucker. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fair. Are you ready? Yeah. Okay. Here's my love to say it. Read it out loud. A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt.

Archaeologists believe it may be a pharaoh roche. Pharaoh roche That is not that funny that is not that funny. That is not that funny. Saw that and laughed so hard that Pippa woke up. She was sleeping like in front of the fire and I was in my office and she woke up and was like, what's going on? I laughed so hard when I saw that. Did she like the joke? No.

You told her? She started going. Ha ha ha ha ha. But it's like Ferrero Rocher. Ha ha ha ha. Oh! Oh, did you not get it? Ha ha ha ha.

Oh! Spoiler, Ryan's a dick. Ha, that's my spoiler. I thought that was so funny. Do you know, I thought that was like hell and back to you. I feel like I've been to hell and back saying that. Oh, I fucking thought that was so funny. Your you love to say it better be fucking gold class shit.

You are gonna, I forgot what I wrote down for my You Love to See It. Oh no. Look on my screen. Ryan's You Love to See It is a recommendation for the show Bad Thoughts by Tom Sakura. You're gonna absolutely love these three sketches. One of them, he shits himself when he's a sniper.

One of them. Oh, spoilers, fuck yeah. The old people are reading his asshole. What's the other one that you showed me? Oh, you gave me the punchline of another one so I didn't have to watch it. At least those two scenes you'll absolutely love. They're all pretty good.

And there's lots more where that came from. No, do you know what my love to say it is? Is that you love Tom Segura. You tagged him in an Instagram story. And he shared it on his stories. And he reshared it, which is huge. Thank you. You love to say that.

That is huge. That is massive. And now that I have been shared by Tom Segura, maybe I don't live on Main Street no more. Wall Street. Yeah. I wouldn't know. I'm still watching Netflix with ads just like the rest of them. When do the ads on Netflix happen? I think it's pretty recent. Yeah and Australia comes a bit

later than the rest of the world like to be rolled. Don't wink when I say it comes later. I think we've all had enough today. We've had a good time, but I think- I think it's been good. Yeah, but I just reckon we've had enough. Okay. Like there can be too much of a good thing. That's not what you're saying when you're shoving your dick in my mouth.

Sorry. Wow. Spoiler. This is the exact thing I was afraid would happen. What? That I would suck your dick. Oh, I'm so sorry. Now I love y'all. See you tomorrow.

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