Toni and Ryan - FINALLY in bed together

Episode Date: February 7, 2022

Thanks to our friends at Ecosa - Ryan and I are finally in bed together! Things you can say while you're online shopping, and also in the bedroom! And Ryan's beef with the post office. Love ya! T xxx Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello? Hey, Josh, it's Tony and Ryan. Hey, how are you going? We're good. How are you? I'm really good, thank you. And we wanted to know if you wanted to approve this podcast. Please say yes, please say yes, please say yes.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Yay! Thanks, Josh. Hey, it's Josh from the Hawkesbury and I approve this podcast. Just a word of warning. Tomorrow. The best fact. One of the great facts you'll ever hear about talking, which is something...

That I do a lot. So you would know. I would know. I'm thinking that it's so good I might make it a recurring segment and just say, Tony's fact of the week. I like how you're leaning into this. I have to because otherwise I'll shit myself. Well, I'm prepared for that because there are towels in the room.

Oh, no, we don't shit on towels in this house. No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I panicked. I panicked. And hang on, we have to act professional towels in this house. No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I panicked. I panicked. And hang on, we have to act professional because we've got a little, a brand deal today. A brand deal today.

So we have to act like adults. Yeah, also I've got beef with the post office. That's interesting. Have I had beef with the post office before? I'm trying to think. It sounds like something that you've said before because you're 75 years old. Yeah, well. Oh, the bloody post office.

A transaction has taken... What's the word I'm looking for? Transaction? Like you paid for something? A transaction has taken place between myself and a tarpa. Oh. And we needed the post office to be an intermediary of said transaction. A transaction?

What did you buy from a tapper? Sorry, a tapper? From a tapper. Tony and Ryan podcast? The post office taking the post. Taking the post office. Yep. Oh.

That's coming up soon. But, Tony, let's head over to the bedroom. The bedroom. Dream come true for me. Tony, let's head over to the bedroom. Dream come true for me. I just want to make it very clear that we made it very clear to Rekosa what this segment is. Yeah, because I said, are they sure they know how dirty it is?

Like, yeah, Nan, we do it. Just do it normally. We're like, you sure? You want your brain associated with this? It's a little bit naughty and apparently they were fine. So I don't know if they were drunk when they decided. I'm all about that. So thanks to Ecosa, sleep the way nature intended it.

This is things you can say online shopping and also in the bedroom because that's where you buy Ecosa mattresses. It is online, not in the bedroom. Yeah. So, but we're in beds at the moment. We're together in the studio, like for anyone that can't see us. And we've had to have a bit of a convo about who, what's hard we sleep on. Because we're, but then now we're in single beds.

We're like twins. We're like 12-year-old twins. I love it. Did you share a bedroom with your siblings? Did you have like little single beds? Yeah. So on one of the, because I was really scared of the dark. So I slept in the same room as my older sister for a little while

and it was like two single beds on the other sides of the room. So does this feel nice and cosy and homely and like the old days? Yeah, yep. I mean, I didn't want to sleep with my sister. Well, that makes one of us. All right. Things you can say. Is that the one that doesn't like guys?

Yeah, it is a lesbian one. It was a one-way street. Things you can say online shopping and also in the bedroom. It's so hard to tell whether things will fit. I hope it comes this time. Bloody Australia Post. They are the worst. Oh, I've actually got a discount code for this.

That would be nice. Oh, looks like you've got the wish version again. The bargain bin. Is that as hard as it looks? Yes. It is. Thank you. Good.

The reviews are good. Mum said it was great. Grandma's all about it. Reddit says it's really great. So I'm doing. Your mum it was great. Grandma's all about it. Reddit says it's really great. So I'm doing. Your mum's a great customer of mine. Can you believe this massive thing comes in that tiny box? And I'm in four hours.

Four hours. Four hours, Metro. Oh, my hours. Four hours. Four hours metro. Oh, my mistake. Pretty good. And just to confirm, this takes two hours to get fully. Yeah, it's better when it's not in the plastic. If I pay more, can it come sooner? I don't want you to pay more to keep French Cups.

The last one. No returns? Not happy with what arrived. I don't think I can look you in the eye when I say it. I'll prefer it when you look me in the eye. Do you want to look at the back of my head? Do you want me to look at the back of my head? It makes me feel at home.

I can roll over if you want. When I was dating this girl and their family was very religious and they're like, you have to sleep in separate beds. So we slept in two single beds like this in a room at their parents' house. Yeah. As if that's stopping two 18-year-olds. It's not stopping me. Certainly hope not.

Want me to fill your cart? Sorry. I'm sorry. Edit that out. Is this coming via Kentucky? How good were all the comments in there? And just a shout out to all the tapas who referenced Kentucky. Just know I genuinely laughed and smirked at every time I read that in the comments thread.

So good. Since we're seeing you in the Facebook group though, reading those. Oh, yeah. I'm always in the Facebook group. That's nice of you. Nice of you to join us. Yeah, you're welcome. Closing down sale.

Clothes are 100% off. Is there a handling fee? There is, actually. How much? I'll pay it. 10%. It's hard to know if it will fit just by looking at the pictures. Thanks for giving me a look online first, though.

I do appreciate that. Like to know what I'm walking into. Can you imagine if someone did send you, you know, like a naughty picture and you went, actually, not for me. No, I don't think so. It's not going to work. It's not going to work. The service on here is fantastic.

The delivery guy is coming so often. I better ask him what his name is. Just to be polite, you know. Oh, you again. What is your name again, bud? I mean, it's only a 30-second interaction. Yeah, I guess I'll see you later on the Savo. I'm married, though.

Thanks, though. Can I get some measurements? I just want to make sure it fits. Again, I don't think that they make tape measures that small. Did you know you can try this for 100 nights and send it back? I reckon after 100. nights I'll be sending it back. Yeah, the box will be damaged after that. Hey, it's Josh from the Hawkesbury and you're listening to Tony and Ryan.

A big shout out to Akosa for getting around us and a big shout out to our champion tarpers. Beautiful. Brad Harches, Victor Colico, Mike Creel, who got that date last week, and Duncan Greenhorn. Thank you very much for your contribution to our exclusive content over at our Patreon, patreon.com.au, if you'd like to check it out. The post office is taking the piss. Okay.

Can you tell me, honestly, you sound like an old person, and I love it, personally love it. I'm 34 years old and I'm proud and please don't age shame me. No, no. We are accepting of all people on this podcast. No, there is no age shaming of your actual age, but you understand that you sound like your grandpa, right? Okay.

The bloody post office. Laid on me. What's wrong? Can people please in the Facebook group say if having gripes with the post office is an old people thing or an everyone thing? Mate, it's an old person thing. The Tafas will back me up.

No, they won't. It's affected everyone. Okay. All right. Yes. What's going on? So Mary Allen sends me a message. Hi, Mary Allen.

She goes, hey, Ryan, I kind of vibed those Fosters shirts you were wearing with the big beer bottles. They look like a Hawaiian summer party shirt. Yeah. Why are you rolling your eyes at me? Why are you rolling your eyes at me? I can't believe you found somebody else that is the same as you. Neither can I.

So Mary Ellen, she liked them. She goes, hey, where did you get those shirts? And I was like, oh, they're from Cotton On because they did a collaboration with Fosters. They sent me a bunch of stuff. I was like, don't go buy it. Well, I actually probably shouldn't say. I cost them a sale because I was like, don't go and buy it.

They actually sent me heaps. Yeah, you actually have had heaps. Yeah, so if you tell me where you live, I'll just send you some. You know, send me an email with your size and whatever. I'll just send you a couple of these. They're still in the bag. I haven't used them or whatever. Why are you looking strange?

Question. Sure. Is it weird to say give me your address? Because like a home address is very personal, isn't it? Well, I mean I'm sending her something for free and I'm just going to mail it. No, but imagine if you just like popped up. Wow, let me explain. Because I wouldn't just send anybody my – I wouldn't send anyone my address.

Well, both myself and Mary Ellen aren't big time comedic celebrities, so we don't have those kind of issues. We don't have a finance team. Okay, well then I'll fucking hand out your address. No. Yeah, I mean I didn't think so. You're like, no, people will know that my wallet's in the glove box of the car. Yeah, I literally just take my stuff.

So, I said, oh, where do you and because we have people listening to this podcast from all around the world. Yeah, including Australia. Well, that's what I found out. I was like, oh, where do you, and because we have people listening to this podcast from all around the world. Yeah, including Australia. Well, that's what I found out. I was like, oh, am I sending this to England? Am I sending it to Canada? Yeah.

And it turns out Mary Ellen lives about 300 metres from my house. She lives down the road. Oh, you guys should just catch up on the dog park. Yeah, maybe we have and never even realised. Anyway, so I thought because it was COVID and because she lives in an apartment building, I was like, I will actually mail it because we were in lockdown at the time and I was like social distance. And if you had a house, I could just leave it on the doorstep. But again, an apartment building, I'm like, oh,

even though you're just down the road, it might just be safer and easier than having me, some guy, just rock up to your house. I just also think it's weird for you to just rock around there. Well, I thought about it. Of course you did. I was like, oh, it's wicked. I cheer for you. Yeah.

So I was like, no, I'll send it. So I go to the post office and write down the thing. And it's weird. I probably walked past her building to get to the post office. Oh, my God. That's how close it is. Yeah. So I fill out the address.

Did you go to the post office at Vic Gardens my God. That's how close it is. Yeah. So I fill out the address. Did you go to the post office at Vic Gardens? No, the one on Bridge Road here. Oh. The main one. At the. The town hall. Town hall. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Yeah. So I messaged Mary Ellen the other day and I was like, oh, did you end up getting the shirt? She goes, oh, yeah, great. Thanks so much. Oh, that's fine. Oh, so you hit her up and like, hey, where's the thank you? No, I just didn't know if it had arrived because the mail these days. Oh, bloody, great. Thanks so much, Colbert. Oh, that's nice. Oh, so you hit her up and were like, hey, where's the thank you? No, I just didn't know if it had arrived because the mail these days.

Oh, bloody Aussie post, yeah, as we know. So I said to her, did you get it delivered or did they, like how did it actually happen? Sorry if this is weirdly specific. And she goes, no, no, I got a text message saying there's a package, can you come and collect it from the post office? And it's the same post office. So they, that is so fucking lazy.

The postage was $15. They didn't even take it anywhere. You, turns out it's my 75th birthday. Thank you. Because I'm fucked off as well. The old lady's in the house. They didn't even move it. She had to pick it up from the same post office that I dropped it off at.

You paid $15. For them to not even do anything with it. And not even ring her, they texted her. A text cost 40 cents, not even. Get flying fucked. So here's what I could understand. No, I can't understand any of it. If she lived in London and they go,

hey, we got it all the way to the London post office, if you could just pick it up. Hey, you've travelled the seven seas to get there. Yeah. They didn't even put it in the van. They just left it. I could have just left it on the front bench of the post office. They probably could have just thrown it across the road

and it would have been at Mary Ellen's house. So they've taken 15 of my dollars to not... Hard earned. Very fucking hard earned. Yeah. And not even delivered it. So what was the thing for? Delivery?

What did you do? Fucking moved it from one side of the bench to the other and gave it to Mary Ellen. I should have said, hey, Mary Ellen, go to the post office. I'll just hide it behind the greeting cards because who the fuck buys them? Yeah. You just pick it up.

That's your shirt. Save us both, well, save me $15. Save them the hassle of just standing there. I can't believe that that happened. Is this a legitimate gripe? Yeah, that's fucked. Thank you. Finally you agree with me.

Yeah, no, that's absolutely fucked. You are fucking old, mate. Look at you getting all worked up about the post. That is, I can't believe that happened. $15. Yeah. Oh, I would have been fucking livid. Because the shirt, the size is big as well.

It's a big bag. I also just would have been really fucked off if I got the text. Like, oh, come get your thing. No. That sounds like your job. Someone's actually paid delivery. You've got the people on the bikes, the people on the scooters, the people in the vans delivering that stuff.

That's their job. You're taking a job away from someone. Can you come and pick up this? Sorry, mate, I actually think that's your job. When I pay you to deliver it, I expect you to turn up and deliver it. But also, COVID, everyone's still fucking working from home. They could have just dropped it off. Imagine getting Uber Eats, right?

You pay the over amount that Uber charges. The delivery fee. You pay the delivery fee and they just text you going thanks for being a customer. Could you just come down? Could you just go to the supermarket and buy yourself a steak and fucking cook it yourself? Thanks for the money, Bob. Yeah, I appreciate it. I'm well busy. We'll give you the raw stuff. Yeah, I mean, it was an apartment building.

We couldn't just cook it ourselves and drop it off. Oh, no, I'm with you on that. All right. Well, speaking of online shopping, I believe, let's just take a deep breath, but I believe you've got something to share. It feels like not the right time to go into this really beautiful story. No, I think it'll calm us down and bring us back, you know.

So I have talked in the past about how my boyfriend, Torbs, been doing it for eight years together for seven. He would do anything for me. Anything. He's a sweetheart. He loves you almost as much as I do. He, aw, he loves me so much more than I love him. And that's not like a bad thing.

He just loves me so much. Well, that doesn't surprise me because you, yeah. I'm slacking, yeah. Well, someone's wearing the pants in that relationship. Is it me? He's ordering them around. I don't. And he just loves you so much., someone's wearing the pants in that relationship. Is it me? He's ordering them around. I don't. And he just loves you so much.

Now it's going to sound like I am because of the story I'm about to tell. But a little while ago I told a story about how when I first got Invisalign, they were really the retainers that you have to wear. It hurts, right? They were really tight and it took me ages to get the hang of taking them out and I had that little bit of skin on my finger and I couldn't bite it off and Torbs bit the skin off my finger. The cuticle.

Yeah, the little cuticle. That was cute. So I told this story. And everyone just hearts melt. He loves you so much. He loves me sick. He'll bite your own nails for you. Yeah, it's very sweet.

Anyway, so on Wednesday after work, well, actually, I left work early to go to the dentist. Anyway, so on Wednesday after work, well, actually, I left work early to go to the dentist and I was heading into the dentist. They were running late, like classic, you know, any medical appointment. I'm sitting in the waiting room and I'm just like scrolling through Instagram. This brand that I really, really like announced

that they're having like a new drop of stuff and I'm scrolling through and I'm like, oh, I love that jumpsuit. Absolutely love it. And is it one of those like we've got 20 first in best dressed? And always the bigger sizes always sell out because they always have less. So whenever I look at stuff online, I'm like, oh, you do normally have like bigger sizes but of course there's none

because the average person is a bigger size and you've always got a million falls, but fucking none by them. Anyway, so I'm scrolling through. I'm like, oh, my God, I absolutely love that jumpsuit. And they announce that they're having a drop at 5 o'clock. And your appointment's like at 5? At 5. So I'm supposed to be in there.

Are you stressing? I'm stressing because I'm like, I really, really want to buy this jumpsuit. And I know that I'm not going to be able to do it straight away. And if I wait the five minutes after five o'clock, they're going to be gone. There's just no way. And then I'm like, oh, kiss the jumpsuit. Goodbye. It's fine. Then I'm scrolling through Instagram stories. The chick who owns the label, she's got like a close friend's like private account and I follow that as well. I really like, her name's Brittany Saunders and the, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And the label is called Fate, F-A-Y-T. And the clothes are beautiful, but they always sell out and they never do sales or anything. Anyway, on her close friend's story, she announces a little 15% off code. They never fucking do sales. I see this. I'm starting to froth. I'm like, I really want this jumpsuit. It is.

15% off. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity. I know. I know. And I'm such a sucker for marketing. And she's like, oh, I never do sales. I'm like, well, I've got to fucking use the code. It costs me money.

Not to get it. I'm making money and I get the stuff. Anyway, so Torbs is still, he's at home and he doesn't finish work till 5.30. Right. But I message him and I go, hey, mate. You'll never guess. You know that jumpsuit I won't shut the fuck up about? Yeah, there's a code.

You know that extra 15% that I don't want to pay? You'll never guess what's happened. We'll hear some great news. I'm like, look, they're doing a drop at five. I'm going to be in the dentist's chair. Is it okay? Do you mind buying this for me? He's like, well, I'm at work.

Like I'm still working. And I was like, mate, you've got to do it. I sent him the website. I sent him the colour of the jumpsuit. I sent him like the link to the jumpsuit and I sent him the code. And I'm like, you've got to buy this thing. And then I go into the dentist appointment and it's all I'm thinking about. I'm like, fuck, I bet you he's bought the wrong colour.

I bet you it's the wrong thing. Anyway, I get out of the dentist like, oh, thank you so much, pay and whatever. I look at my phone and Torb sends me a message. He's like, got like this size, this colour, I got you express shipping, use the code, everything. And he did everything for me because it dropped while I was going to be in the thing.

And so is he now, as a result, subscribed to the dress store? I will send you marketing emails. In two weeks he's like, they're doing another drop of those things. Did you want another one? I quite like that for me. What a sweetheart. Isn't he the best? Shout out to his workplace because it sounds like he's doing nothing there.

Yeah, no one. If you know Torbs, no, you don't. Other Torbs. It's the other Torbs. Different one. Things you'll love to see to wrap up an episode today. I saw this video and there was this beautiful little girl. She might have been like four years old, little sweetheart.

And there was fireworks happening and she saw a dog that was like, not her dog, just like a dog in the street. Have you seen the video? I shared it on Instagram. She walks over and she's so little. And so innocent. And she covers the dog's ears because dogs don't like to hear fireworks because it's loud banging and it scares them.

And she knew that, so she went over to a stranger dog and, like, covered its ears. And the dog kind of looked like my dog, BJ, and that ruined me. Yeah. Like, moping. Yeah, when I saw the video, I was like, oh, that is adorable. Adorable. Fucking adorable.

You love this. Cute kids, a pet, internet videos. I mean, how many? You can't go wrong. It's like a recipe for the opposite of a disaster. It's a recipe for disaster. Good things. You'll love to see that.

My You'll Love to See It is a post in our Facebook group. You can join Tony and Ryan Facebook. No, Tony and Ryan Facebook. Tony and Ryan podcast on Facebook. Yep. From Kendra. And she said, You'll love to see it. How much Tony and Ryan enjoy. No, Tony and Ryan Facebook. Tony and Ryan podcast on Facebook. Yep. From Kendra. And she said, you'll love to see it. How much Tony and Ryan enjoy each other's company?

Fake news. We're good actors. Having just been a week isolating because I obviously had COVID, not last week but the week before, I can hear in Tony's voice how happy she is to be back with Ryan and he sounds really happy as well. Are you happy to be back, Maeve? Of course I am.

You do sound good. You look good. Did you get your hair done again? No, I just washed it. Oh, okay. Thanks. You love to see that. Oh, you love to see that.

I don't see it that often, but I do like to see it. But I thought that was so sweet. That is sweet. Yeah, I love to be here with you, mate. Oh, do you? Yeah. When are you going to debut the jumpsuit? Well, I haven't got it yet, so it's only just been ordered,

but told to get the express shipping, so I should expect to see that from Australia Post in 15 years. They'll probably fucking technically make me go down and pick it up. Mary Ellen goes, Hey, I got this by accident. Oh, you paid for Express Post? Cool, if you could pick it up yourself from Perth, that'd be fucking great.

It's just down the road. Yeah, it's just in Sydney Alright, tomorrow on the show The greatest fact of all time Yep, that's coming up. Big shout out to ACOSA for sponsoring this episode Thank you very much

And their tagline of course, Tony, is Sleep the way nature intended it Look at you go. Thought I was throwing you on the bus there You've got it now. No, I've got it Is it true that you stole some pillow slips from them? Stole? Mate, you stole all that bedding. I wasn't talking about me.

Is it nice, though? It is nice. Yeah. It must be nice. It is. I felt it, and it was very, very nice. Yeah, and the bedding as well. Yeah.

Here we go. All right. We'll chat to you tomorrow. Tomorrow. 20 seconds, if you want to. What, 20 seconds if you want to? Oh, 20 seconds. You're putting me on the spot. How come you never have to come up with a meow pun?

It feels very unfair. It's not meow job. People yelled at me when I tried to meow-o. Yeah, they did. Meow, just a good old-fashioned meow.