Toni and Ryan - Finding 🍑 Photos 🍑 Of Your Mum

Episode Date: September 5, 2023

NO ONE WANTS TO FIND THESE PICS 💦 Love ya!(If you've got a SPICY confession you need to get off your chest, we wanna hear about it COMPLETELY ANONYMOUSLY HERE!) Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Dr. Author Tony Lodge. We are calling Briz Vegas. Oh. Not to be confused with the Gold Coast. The Gold Coast. Two different places.

And we are calling Natasha. Is it Natasha Bedingfield? Feel the rain on your skin. Her brother, also incredible musician. Poor man's John Mayer. What's his name? Daniel Bedingfield. Yes.

Sing his song. Sing a Daniel Bedingfield. Yes. Sing his song. Sing a Daniel Bedingfield song. It's like you'll know when you hear it. Well, I'm not hearing it. Neither am I. Okay. Yeah, okay. That's fair.

That's all right. Daniel Bedingfield. Shall we just call Natasha? Hello, Natasha speaking. Natasha, for a grand prize of 10 billion dollars can you name a daniel beddingfield song go no oh you have not won the money yeah that's a real shame i would suck it who wants a millionaire well you obviously don't want to be one yes

uh natasha do you approve today's podcast? Absolutely, I do. Hey, this is Natasha from Brisbane and I approve this podcast. All right, welcome to today's episode. We better start because we were busy chin-wagging here in the studio about ringtones. Phone, buying ringtones for your phone. Mate, we should have saved that gold for the episode. I know, polyphonic, monophonic.

You know, when it was just like... I'm actually not an audio queen, so I don't know what I'm saying. Sorry, yeah. I don't have a degree in, so I don't know what I'm saying. Sorry, yeah. I don't have a degree in sound engineering. Yeah, neither do I. Advanced diploma. Advanced diploma. Advanced, yeah. Advanced, advanced.

Pretty good. Coming up today, actually, let's just get straight into it because I've got some- You know I love to hear that. I've got some advice for people who might die. I don't know. Is it like a big cream, what you're going to say? It's important. Are you sure?

I don't think we've ever said anything important before. Remember last week how the friend of someone who had died had to go around and remove their bong and their drugs and their dildo and stuff because their conservative parents were coming to clean the house out? Yeah, which is actually a very, very kind. Who would you trust to do that in your life? Like who's your person where you go, oh, I'm going to,

like Dave Parsons probably, who you'd go, I'd call Dave Parsons. It would be Dave Parsons. Yeah, that's who I would assume it was. Who would it be for you? Would I be it for you? Probably. Probably. Because I know that nothing that I could do you would judge.

So I know that you would just come around and figure it out. Yeah, that's the same as Dave. Yeah. Like I reckon that. Well, Dave's busy. He's got kids. So if he's busy, I could do it. Yeah, no, but Dave, it's not a trust thing.

It's just the. He would just get it done. He could make some shit disappear. Yeah, he could. He's one of those guys. Yeah. Because you'd get all like, oh, is it illegal to dump things in a forest? Oh, no, I would just do it.

Yeah, does this person's family know? Yeah. Stuff like that. So, yeah, nah. He could make some stuff disappear. So should I ask Dave to be mine as well? Yeah, actually, yeah. Dave could start a business doing that.

Like, just real, like, you know. But you couldn't advertise. Black market. You know what I mean? No, no, no, word of mouth. Yeah, word of mouth. You know, drug dealers don't advertise, but somehow they still get business. True story. You know what I mean? No, no, no. Word of mouth. Yeah, word of mouth. You know, drug dealers don't advertise, but somehow they still get business. True story.

You know what I mean? Actually true story. Yeah. Like, you're not going, oh, I've got the best weed on the street. I don't know. I'm obviously. Not down with the lingo. Obviously don't know.

We're all going to die one day. And when we do, someone is going to have to clean up your stuff. And we don't all have Dave Parsons' number. Yeah. So hide your drugs. Clear your browser history. Keep your rubber fists locked away. We've got a...

I know it's not Confession Day, but a tarp has sent through something anonymously because they're like, guys, I heard that story last week and I need to let you know a word of warning. Oh. Anonymous scarred for life tarpa. I heard you talk about what people find after someone died and I had to share this.

Safe space. Sorry. I'm about to laugh about her talking about her mum dying, but let me just put it out there. I'm just reading what she wrote. Here we go. Fucking fuck me it's just if you were typing this to someone like you can always just like delete what you've typed and reword it oh yeah she's obviously gone no i'm just gonna push through my mom died in 2019 and then in 2020 we lost my father as well.

Not misplaced him. Haven't found him. Not misplaced him. He's now dead. Sorry. Dead parent humour. It just took over my body. But you can almost see where she's typed,

we lost my dad, and then she's read it back and gone, oh, it sounds like this. Oh, guys, that's not what I meant. You could have just you could have just deleted that yeah oh let me be more specific my parents had both passed away and my siblings and i were cleaning out their place and i was allocated the bedroom oh i mean cleaning out your parents bedroom after they've passed away like their house you know because often it's your like family home. And so you go, fuck, like all of our memory. Like it's quite a like horrible thing to have to do.

Whilst I agree, as someone who's already read this, I'm actually really struggling to keep a straight face. Because what you're saying is true. And I want to be sincere in my response, but I'm fucking really struggling. Okay. All right. Sorry.

Continue. I found my dad's camera bag. Oh, fair enough. Must have been a hobby guy. Yep. And he had an envelope of Polaroid pictures. Oh, dad. Curiosity got the better of me.

So I ended up. Well, yeah, because you'd be feeling so nostalgic Like you'd be like they're probably pics of us as kids Or you know like that's what you'd be thinking eh Like I actually don't think there's anything wrong with opening that envelope Because you'd be like oh my god there's probably beautiful memories in there I thought I'd discovered a bunch of family memories Did I write this?

And I mean I wasn't wrong. But when I opened up, I got a face full of my mum's arsehole as she was naked as the day she was born on her hands and knees with her rear end up in full view. I'm not a snorter and I don't know if everyone else heard that but I just fucking

nearly sucked my own nose back in through my head I instantly recognised the sofa from my childhood home and let out a scream and threw the envelope away my brother came running in

and I couldn't even speak I just pointed at the envelope he casually took a look, slammed the door shut And said I'm going to burn these and walked out of there I just stood in silence The image of my mum's clam Forever burned into my memory I haven't seen that since the day I was born

Not going to lie It did raise so many questions Did I just witness a snapshot Of my own conception? Snatch shots. It was like staring into an alternate reality, like a kinky inception. I can't help but wonder if young innocent me

was sleeping in the bedroom upstairs while dad was going, oh, Hugh Hefner on my mum. So yeah, before you get rid... So you get rid of your shit before you die, because now I'm scarred for life knowing my folks were getting it on in the living room floor where I used to sit and watch cartoons as a child. Isn't there something comforting, though? Don't say comforting. Yeah.

To know that your parents were still, like, doing it and loved each other? Yeah. Like, I know that that kind of sounds a bit fucked, but do you know what I mean? There's something kind of nice about that. There's something. If you have to find a silver lining of this situation,

that must be one of them. I mean, yeah. I think there's something nice to be said for, like, your parents being in love and, like, oh, what a house. It's a house full of love and blah, blah, blah. Yeah. And then there's seeing inside your mum's arsehole. I mean, that is a different, yeah.

Yeah. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. Yep. I mean, that is a different, yeah, that, yeah, yep, yeah, yeah. I'm trying to look at this in a romantic way. So some advice for people who might die one day. Let me just repeat the opening line. Someone, when you die, is going to have to go through your stuff. Yeah.

Yes. Whether it is someone you choose or, like, not. Like, it might be someone you know, but it also might not be. And the Polaroid pic as well. I think that's kind of hot and vintage. Yeah, actually, yeah. Like, I've heard of people that do, like, on the morning of the wedding day, like, do, like like send Polaroid,

like maybe if you'd been saving having sex for like when you were married. Yeah. Maybe like sending like a couple of naughty Polaroid pics like over to your husband on the morning of the. You can't do that because then you'd be barred up all day. Yeah, but I mean if you'd never had sex, you're probably barred up anyway. It's probably like a fucking fat cat couldn't scratch. What? What do you mean?

What? A fat cat couldn't scratch? Say it again. What the fuck? Say that line again. No. Say that again. No, I won't.

What? What? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do I mean? What is that? The line? No.

Wait, what? No. Let's dissect this line word for word. Okay. Now, you've got a fat, like a boner. Yeah. Yeah. That a cat couldn't scratch.

Like, because it's like a cat. Why is a cat scratching at a boner? No, no, no. Not because a cat would be scratching the boner. Well, that's what you're saying. No, no, no. Not because a cat would be scratching the bone. Well, that's what you're saying. No, no, no. But like so a cat's claws, like you know how they like scratch into like scratch poles or whatever.

But if it was like so hard the cat's claws like couldn't even get into it. Like because a cat could scratch anything but like not marble, you know. You haven't seen my marble bench. It scratches all over. So hang on. It's a fat that a cat couldn't bench. So hang on. It's a fat that a cat couldn't scratch. So it's so firm. Yeah, it's like so fucking rock hard.

And a cat couldn't even get its nails into it. Yeah. Okay, no, that makes sense. Yeah. So aren't we glad we just. Someone said that to me, I reckon, about 10 years ago, and I went, I'm going to wait for the perfect time to say that, and I got the reaction that it deserved.

For the perfect time to say that. And I got the reaction that I deserved. Here's another thing for everyone while we're giving out life advice. Yeah. When someone says something fucking cooked, put it in your pocket. Yeah. Because you never know when you're going to whip it out. And just hang on to it. Yeah, you never know.

Have you not said that for 10 years? I've never said it. And you know who said it to me? Glennie Wilson from Calgoorlie. Oh, Glennie Wilson from Calgoorlie. Yeah. I made him something. And I gave him a fat that a cat couldn't yeah he called me and he said that and i went i'm fucking hanging on to that so he didn't

oh so he was talking about his little glennie yeah yeah yeah i made like a promo for you so it was a fucking background chat it was when i was an imaging producer and um he asked me to make a promo for his show, for this like footy thing he was doing. And I made him this thing and it went for like five minutes because it was like a big like pre-footy like package for a wrap-up of like the grand final. And he called me and he said that to me and I went,

I'm fucking lock that away. The last time I saw that guy would have been 4 a.m. at the casino. Yeah, he's a loose unit. He's got a kid now. He does been 4 a.m. at the casino. Yeah, he's a loose unit. He's got a kid now. He does. I wonder if it was conceived at the casino. Maybe.

This might be yours. He had a fatter cat couldn't scratch him. Anyway, yeah, so the Polaroid, so romantic. Yeah. Clean your shit up before you leave the house today, everyone. You never know when you're going to get hit by a bus. That's like when mums say always wear clean underwear just in case you get hit by a car.

Did your mum ever say that to you when you were a kid? My mum used to say that because you're heading off to school and you're like netball skirt or whatever. She'd be like, make sure you always wear clean knickers in case you end up in hospital. So when I dislocated my shoulder, you never know what day you're going to end up in hospital. Yeah. A guy I live with in the US, his name's Bart. He was from Poland. When I dislocated my shoulder, you never know what day you're going to end up in hospital.

A guy I live with in the US, his name's Bart. He was from Poland. And he was really proud of being Polish. And he had this Polish national team volleyball shirt. And I don't know if this is a weird sports thing, but you're always in a swapping jersey. Oh, that's cute. So when we were training, people used to think it was so fun to wear my Australia stuff. Yeah, cute. And so I'm wearing Bart people used to think it was so fun to wear my Australia stuff. Yeah, cute. And so I'm wearing Bart's Polish national team.

Don't. Don't. I actually don't want you to say. And when my shoulder came out of its socket, so I came out of its socket in the air and then I landed on it and crunched it even. So it was a pretty bad dislocation. So we get to the hospital and the doctor's like,

we're going to have to cut his shirt off so we can, like, move it. And I was like, you can't. This is Bart's Polish national team jersey. And they go, who the fuck is Bart? Yeah. Simpson? Yeah, no. And, yeah, RIP.

Oh, rest in Poland. Rest in Poland. Hi, this is Natasha from Brits Vegas and you're listening to Tony and Ryan A massive shout out to a few of our champion tapas over at our Patreon Thanks so much for being part of it We fucking love to say it Thanks for getting around it

D-Balls with a Z Jason J Is that a cousin of our champion tapas over at our Patreon. Thanks so much for being part of it. We'd fucking love to see it. Thanks for getting around it. D Balls with a Z. Jason J. Is that a cousin of Dee's Nuts? That's really funny. Thank you. Kirsten Balderas. Thank you very much, Kirsten. Love to see that.

Louisa Ling and Marissa Brim. Just on the brim. Thanks, Brim Dog. Give you a brim job. It's our new watch. Sorry. I don't get me. So fat a cut, can't scratch.

No. You just said I'm so fat that I can't. Anyway. Tony, that theory you've talked about a few times, how far away from the beach can you still be wearing? Bathers. Bathers. Yeah.

You're at the beach, you're wearing bathers, fine. You you're five kilometers from the beach then suddenly you're like a creep wearing underwear in the you're just wearing your knickers in the coals yeah yeah i'd like to introduce you to a new conundrum which is how close to the baby do you need to be for it to be okay if you'd have baby vomit on you oh that's good if you're holding a baby and there's vomit on you. Oh, that's good. Because if you're holding a baby and there's vomit on your shirt, everyone's like, oh, baby, a little bit sick. Oh, yeah. Possum.

Yeah. But when you're just a guy with vomit on him. You're just a guy with vomit on him. Yeah. Yep. Yep. So the other day, by the way, it is so common to have vomit on you. Like there would have been a time in my life where if there was like,

you know, a thread out of line on my shirt, I'd't go out like this yeah and now i'm like down the street and there's fucking poo on my arm vomit on my shirt and i just don't give a fuck and you see other parent they just give you they're not going hey man how's it going you go yeah it's pretty good and they go yeah okay i mean though there is something to be said about the difference between a little bit of baby vomit or a little bit of baby poo compared to like an adult's vomit or an adult's poo. You know, like if you got vomit on you after a night out, you couldn't wear the same thing because it would smell disgusting. Like it would absolutely reek.

Whereas baby vomit isn't – like it looks bad. It's a bit milky. Just wash it off. But, yeah, like it doesn't smell the same way. Actually, do you want to know something cute? Speaking of going out and partying vomit, I went to McDonald's on a Sunday morning. Hot. What did you get?

Why did you go to McDonald's? Hungover? No, no. 4.30 in the morning. Yeah. Mabel's waking up. Yeah. Go get a coffee.

We were both up and I was sort of like, and Bridget was like, we're both really tired. And I was like, you know what? Usually I go to the cafe at 7, but it's a coffee. We were both up and I was sort of like, and Bridget was like, we're both really tired. And I was like, you know what? Usually I go to the cafe at seven, but it's a Sunday. They don't open until eight. It's 4.30. And I'm like, I'll just go through the cafe drive. Nice. Did you get a hash brown?

Yeah. Rude. Yeah. I was like, yeah, two coffees and two hash browns. Did you also get a little bacon and egg McMuffin? No, I actually didn't because I was like, this is just like a coffee. We'll have breakfast later. Oh, yeah. I'll come back. Yeah, yeah. I'll come back. And get a bacon and egg McMuffin? No, I actually didn't because I was like, this is just like a coffee. We'll have breakfast later. Oh, yeah.

I'll come back. Yeah, yeah. I'll come back. And get a bacon and egg McMuffin. No, but I actually don't do much of the cooking. But what I do do is I like doing like a weekend breakfast, like, you know, a big cook-up. I'm the breakfast guy at home too.

Spinach, scrambled eggs. That's my, I'm like, well, if I waste my one meal of the week, then, you know, I'm just some schmuck. Yeah. So there's probably five cars in the McDonald's drive-thru. I look over at the guy because it's like the jewel, you know, there's like two lanes. I look over and it's a guy just like me.

He's a dad who clearly hasn't slept all night and he's gone, I'll just go and get us some coffees. And he said to his partner, I'll grab you a hash brown there or a little banana bread from a cafe. And I know it's expected, but when I walked in and I pulled the hash brown out, it was like,

it was fucking Christmas morning. Bridget was like, yeah. Because you always hope. She knew. But you hope it's coming and then when it doesn't, you go, oh, don't have any.

I go, did you get it? I go, I got a hash brown. She's like, yes. Literally said it like that. Yep. And he was doing the same thing. So there was a bit of like early morning dad coffee run. Only cafe open at 4.30 on a Sunday.

And then there was the other cars were like coming home from a nightclub going, yep, it's going to get 57 fucking McChickens and all the syrups. And it was like dads like covered in spew or drunk people also covered in spew. And I was like, oh, isn't covered in spew or drunk people also covered in spew. And I was like, oh, this is like just a real community. Yes. It is the great equalizer. Everyone at Macca's at 4.30 is covered in spew. It just depends on who it's from.

The context of the spew is different. So I've got a bit of spew on a T-shirt and I'm wearing, you know, my like pink purple shorts? The champion ones. They say champion right across the world. Right across the cock. Yep. Yeah.

And they're pretty, like they're made out of tracksuit material. They're pretty at home only sort of sleep in shorts. They're like big loose like basketball shorts. Yeah. Yeah. And I think I've got some like odd socks on and I went to get like milk and bread, like just a real like, just went to the general store to get something. Yeah.

So I just slipped on like some Birkenstocks. Yeah. And so I'm on the way down to the general store. What color shirt were you wearing? It was. Because if it's like a white milky spew. On a black shirt. Black shirt.

So it really pops. So, yeah. With a little dandruff sprinkled on the side. Oh, yeah. Just for good fucking measure. Yeah. Snowing out there. Yeah. Pretty cold. dandruff sprinkled on the side just for good measure. just for good fucking measure. Yeah, snowing out there. Yeah.

Pretty cold this is, I mean. Yeah, the frost has come. So the bank calls and goes, oh, we've got your,

you know how we got that business card or something? Because we have a business. Yeah, we got a business, a company now apparently. And they said,

oh, you just need to come and show your ID so we can sign this thing off. Sure. And I'm like, oh, I'm in the car,

I'll drive down to Altham. Yeah. So I'm driving down to Altham and then I get a call from this suit shop because I'm about to be the emcee for this alumni event of my old university. That's right. It's like all the people that went to our uni have gone and done great things. I'm not one of them. I'm just hosting the thing.

You're just hosting the thing, yeah. They go, fuck, we've got all these successful people. Who's got nothing on that could host it? that guy he's got a podcast he's got plenty of time so i've they've organized like a nice suit oh and they go and so the place calls and goes oh the suits do you want to come pick it up and i go yeah well i'm in the car yeah there's a bank it i'm like running errands yeah well suddenly well i thought i was just getting milk yeah right and then i'm like i'll go to altham. And this suit shop, this is at Westfield Shopping Town. And as you know, like, you know how they've got like the real Spenny end?

It's a really nice suit shop. So that's right down like where all the ritzy stuff is. The David Jones and the Gucci shop and fucking whatever. Yeah, there's Polo Ralph Lauren across the thing. Excuse me. I can't even fucking afford to walk in there. Yeah, either. Yeah.

So, and there's also a bank at the Westfield. So I was like, oh, if I have to go to our bank. I might as well go to that one. And so it didn't quite. Was the parking a nightmare or was it all right? Because it was like during the day. I didn't make a mental note of it because who gives a fuck. Oh, but you know when you go to like Chadstone or like Dogcastle.

No, it wasn't too bad. Like the parking's fucked on the weekend and you're fucking driving around and there's fucking. But I didn't realise until I was like right up in the suit shop that I went, oh, I'm still wearing my black T-shirt with Spew on it. I'm wearing my purple pink fucking shit shorts. I've got like odd socks and sandals on because I thought I was getting some milk and I'd be back in five minutes.

And here I am at the glossy end of Westfield feeling like a fuck. And there's Bridget sitting at home with a cup of tea with no milk in it. She's like, where the fuck is he? He goes to get a cup of sugar. He's not coming back. He's going out for some cigarettes. I'll be right back. Do you need that in a suitcase anytime soon?

Yeah. So I don't know if it's like, I don't want to say baby brain because fucking that's not what it is. But like, I just didn't. Oh, but lack of sleep. I think the baby brain applies. It didn't click until I was in the store. Because if I was like, knew I was going to Westfield, you know, you just put a shirt and some jeans on. But I still would have just like tidied up a little bit.

Yeah. So I walk in there and it was just like the classic pretty woman sort of like, oh, are you? Are you lost? Well, she kind of just goes, and looks at the spew. And that's when it all kind of went, oh, fuck, yeah, I'm in a store. Yeah, okay. And, you know, people are in there like getting ready for like a wedding coming up. Or their ball or something.

Yeah, they're all excited and stuff. And, you know, a couple of guys, I don't know if they were like groomsmen or maybe they did have a ball, but like together they were like, yep, the three of us boys are going to go out and get new suits together and it's like a bit of a moment and whatever. And in the fancy stores, like if you're like a, they'll bring you like a bubbly or a drink or, you know, like that kind of stuff.

And I just fucking waltz in. And she didn't ask about the vomit, but she kind of looked at it and went, is, like, and I went, yeah, the baby. But I kind of did like, I'm doing it. You can't see on podcast. You're doing it now. Yeah. Like the kind of the thumb pointing backwards as if to say

like it's just behind. Like imagine you're in the front seat of the car and you said, yeah, they the kind of the thumb pointing backwards as if to say like it's just behind. Like imagine you're in the front seat of the car and you said, yeah, they're in the back. Yeah. So I've gone, yeah, the baby. And then she kind of looks over my shoulder. And she goes, is the baby in the room now? Kind of.

And so I guess the original question is like, how far away from the baby can you be covered in spew and still kind of pull the, yeah, I've got a baby card because I'm four suburbs away from the baby. You know what I mean? I'm nowhere near her. It kind of sounds as though the person that was working in the shop, she thought she was doing your – like I think she kind of was going like,

you've got something. There's something in your teeth. Did you know? There's something on your shirt. Yeah, like she maybe thought that you'd been like shat on by a bird and you hadn't realised or spilt. I don't know. But it sounds as though she kind of went to be like, mate,

and then went, oh, you know about that, you know? Yeah. Oh, fuck. I haven't even ever considered that. Yeah, the baby. So you know how last week, and so I was feeling a bit sheepish. Yeah. And then you know how I recently bought an Apple Watch?

Yes. One at once. One at once. Now, I'm not a guy who wears suits. No. I'm not a fancy swish guy. You don't have to tell us, mate. We get it.

We're not swish people. That's just the thing. We're not swish. So I get the suit, like pick up the jacket and stuff. Oh, yeah. And we're kind of just doing the – because they're trying to upsell you. Like, oh, did you need a shirt? Like, oh, did you need a – what shoe are you wearing?

You know, they're kind of doing those things. Yeah. And I'm like, I haven't even thought about it. I'm emceeing this thing next week or whatever. So I literally haven't thought about it. Yeah. And then she goes, well – and I sort of went, oh, I don't know yet. And she goes, well, and I said, I don't know yet. And she goes, well, what colors you watch?

And I went, I don't really wear a watch. It was as if I said, I hate you and your family. Because to this like rich bitch in the rich store, like what man isn't wearing a Rolex? I'll tell you which man. The guy in fucking mismatched socks and sandals covered in vomit with a pretend baby. With a baby he reckons he owns.

Yeah. That's fucking bit snarky, isn't it? Yeah. And it wasn't like, oh, do you have a watch to match? It was like, well, what colours do you watch? And it wasn't even as if she was like, will you be wearing a watch? Because maybe she's like, oh, because I guess that would affect how long the shirt would be or something.

I don't really understand it. But the thing, like you say, if you've got a brown leather wrist strap on the watch and you had a brown belt or something like that, I think that kind of thing. Yeah, but you know what I mean? Like she didn't even word it in a nice way. Like will you be wearing a watch or does that – Which colours you watch?

And I went and i don't have one she went what like how do you tell the time as if phones hadn't been fucking invented 15 years ago who's where why are people wearing watches i i don't know i mean i guess i mean i'm a steps guy like a fashion thing fashion thing but like i think that if you want to wear one that's fucking fine but i think to then go well like you don't wear a watch i'm just like what does that mean yeah fuck that bitch but you know what does that mean i don't know what that's real nasty sorry mate and how dare she judge you when you were in your black vomit shirt and your purple shorts and your odd birkenstocks you're wearing one Birkenstock and one Adidas slide.

You've got the hash brown in your hand still. Just give it to me. Fuck. It's a big day. I've got to love to see it. While I'm on the parenting train, it's a parenting one. I think

all parents will agree with me on this. As a parent myself, of Pippa. Well, actually, maybe. You might have done this. There is no greater joy as a new parent than lifting up your baby and pretending they're Simba in The Lion King. A hundred percent. And doing the, ah, lasagna, the pizza, pasta thing.

And it's just so much fun. So Mabel normally loves it. Like that's when she gets the giggles and she's like all excited. So if she's in a bit of a grisly mood, that's kind of a way to like, she loves it, she loves it. So Bridget didn't know I was like, could hear her. Like I was just in the next room and I could hear her doing the like, Parmesan, pizza, pasta.

And then Mabel just like kept grizzling a little bit and then I did this is what I hear and Bridget doesn't know I can hear Bridget goes you'll get the reference when you're older like she's gaslighting Mabel like it's your fault it's not funny yeah she's like okay you're the one who doesn't get the joke. Mum's being hilarious. And I just walked in pissing myself and I was like, well, there's my love to see for tomorrow. That's fucking awesome.

That's very funny. My love to see it. We are big fans of Hilary Duff on this show. The biggest. We've said it many times. Go check out her house on Architectural Digest. The kids' room? Just amazing.

Stop it. All those limes. Her chickens. Oh, my God. Anyway, I think that she's just the world's sweetheart. Not America's sweetheart. The world's. The world's sweetheart.

And you know that game Celebrity Heads? Yeah. They've got versions on the phone now where you like tip it forward and then you, and like the other people have to like try and explain to you, like if you had Mary Poppins, you'd be like, oh, a spoonful of sugar. And they go, Mary Poppins. And you go, yeah. And then you tip it and then another person comes up.

Thank you for explaining Celebrity Heads. Well, okay. Fuck you. I thought that the Mary Poppins thing was quite quick on my feet. Like I haven't written that down. That was great. Yeah, thank you. So I found this photo and it brought me so much joy that I'll probably set it as my home screen on my phone so I can see it all the time.

Here is a picture of Hilary Duff playing Celebrity Heads and she's gotten Hilary Duff as the theme. And obviously whoever she's playing with has gone, well, it's you. And she went, what? But I want to know more because surely you'd want to not say. And they go, am I a total bitch? And you're like, yep. Am I hot? Yep.

And she's like piecing herself laughing. So obviously whoever's like playing with her has like lost it. Yeah, that's so good. And they've snapped a photo. But the photo is just like actual joy. Like the laugh that she's doing is just so fucking funny. I thought you loved to see that. One thing I saw when we were in Tilly's Fever was there's an app

and it's like which Tilly's do you look like? Oh, yeah. And it was Mackenzie Arnold on the bus on the way to training. And so it's like which chillies do you look like oh yeah it was mackenzie arnold on the bus on the way to training and so it's like saying who they look like and it's like mackenzie arnold gets herself oh that is thrilling she's oh i look like her yeah and then she uh moves it across to her friend which was alana kennedy yeah and alana kennedy gets mary fowler and oh and then mary's like in the seat behind her in the bus, like asleep. And then she like puts the phone overhead and it's like, oh, they got Mary again. Oh, that's so funny.

But yeah, like we'll pop it in the episode for today. That's when you thought you couldn't love her anymore. Right. And she just looks adorable and just like happy to be here. So I fucking love to say that. And I'm happy to be here. And by here, I mean in a world. Existing at the same time as Hilary Duff.

Yeah, I agree. There were times when I was a teenager where I just assumed I'd be married to her one day. Have you seen the photos of her husband now? Who what? Yeah, so she's married to this guy, Matt Comer. He's in a band, Winnetka Bowling League, it's called. Probably spends too much time out of town.

And he's got like pictures from his like 17th or 18th birthday and they're eating cake off like Lizzie McGuire plates. Like he was like a really big Lizzie McGuire fan and now he's married to Hilary Duff. I always think that about like Chris Pratt, how he's married to Catherine Schwarzenegger, who is Arnold Schwarzenegger's daughter. He would have grown up being like, oh, muscles from fucking Brussels.

Is that him? He's not the muscles from Brussels, is he? That's Jean-Claude Van Damme. No, he's from... He's Austrian. He's Austrian. Where's Brussels? Not Austria.

That's different, isn't it? Is Brussels Belgium? I'm thinking of Jean... We don't actually have to go into it because that's Jean-C's Brussels? Not Austria. That's different, isn't it? Is Brussels Belgium? I'm thinking of Jean- We don't actually have to go into it because that's Jean-Claude Van Damme. Have you seen Jean-Claude Van Damme on the trucks do the splits? No. I've only seen Jean-Claude Van Damme in the episode that he's in of Friends. Like, I probably wouldn't know him if I fell over him.

I'll Google it. Jean-Claude Van Damme. Trucks. Splits. Oh, it's a video. Yeah. It's one of the it's a video. Yeah. It's one of the great videos. I'll mute.

No, please. Oh, no, please, because it's probably right, and I think it's got Celine Dion. All right. So there's two trucks driving at the same speed, and he's got one foot on either side. Oh, my God. Oh, it's an ad for either side. Oh, my God. Oh, it's an ad for the truck.

Oh, my God. Right? Holy shit. We're going to post this video, you know. So what's happening? Sorry, I'm like fucking in shock. So the feet, he's got one foot on either side, on either truck, like I explained

and they've like very slowly separated and he's now in a full split. And the add, oh that's good. The precision of Volvo dynamic steering. Fuck, that's good. Let's go buy a Volvo. Fuck my Audi.

Yeah, your Volvo probably has a working GPS. That's a great add. Yeah, it really never wanted a Volvo more. Fuck my Audi. Yeah, your Volvo probably has a working GPS. Oh, that's a great ad. Yeah, it really is, isn't it? Wow. Oh, we've done like five. We love to see it. Anyway, love you.

See you tomorrow.