Toni and Ryan - Flyin' Jon

Episode Date: April 11, 2023

An update to one of the most 'genius' moves in recent history, and I'll tell ya: this one got me. Fuckin' love ya! Toni xo Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Plus you can find the links to order Toni's book here! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the podcast. I'm Ryan. We're joined by bestselling author, Tony Lodge. And we're calling Taylor. Hi, Taylor. Who I believe is the Taylor that came with us to the Karen's Diner. Ooh. Yeah. Which is one of the first, you know, ventures out of the studio for the Tony Ryan podcast. It was. Yeah. And it wasn't a good choice. Hello?

Taylor! Hey! Hello! How are you? Hello, how are you? Good, how are you? I'm great. Ryan and I were just reminiscing about when we went out for dinner together. And you booed me? Yes, we did boo you.

But it's good to hear you're still alive, though. Yeah, great to hear your voice. Well, we made it through. So when Taylor said she was a vegan, the whole restaurant booed her. Yeah. So it wasn't just Tony on her own. No, everyone. Is that worse if it was just Tony?

You just got caught up in it. I got caught up in it, but also the people that were working there were really scaring me. Yeah. And so. You've got to be on side with them. Yeah. So I wanted to kind of, I joined the pack.

It was very like, if they jumped off a cliff, would you? Yes. Yep. See you later, sweetheart. I am flying off a cliff. Because they would have made you. They would have pushed you off a cliff. They would have actually.

Yeah, that's a good point. So, Taylor, now that you're alive, are you happy to approve the podcast? Yeah, I guess. Tragic experiences. They bring everyone together. This is a harrowing ordeal, I guess I better. Hey, it's Taylor from Melbourne and I approve this podcast. Welcome to the show.

Hello. A few weeks ago we heard one of the more genius moves involving the pigeon at the Richmond train station and I can say it's been outdone because I've got an update. And we're both pretty excited about that, aren't we, Tony? Yes. Why do you hate this story so much? I just, I don't know.

You know that thing how people say, say like that gives me the ick yeah i think because i'm just like it sounds so fake all right coming up is it really ick or is it fully sick that's giving me the equal you sound like a dick sorry no i appreciate it okay thanks we'll get to that in a minute. Remember the lady who, when we were crossing the road last week, she tripped over and fell? She fell over, yeah. And not just like stumbled.

She fucking face planted. She ate shit. Yeah. What did you do when you saw that? I ran over and was like, oh my God. And producer Cam was walking with us as well and he did the same. And it was sort of like offering a hand up because she was an old lady and blah, blah. And, yeah, your first reaction was?

Like sprinted over. I think there was a few people walking around as well. They all ran over. And obviously you don't want to see someone fall over, but it was kind of like nice to see humanity from yourself and other people. Like everyone around was like very, very helpful. Remember when I fell off my scooter and all those people saw

and no one helped me? So rude. Awful. Do you remember on the same day? No. About an hour earlier that I may have just... I wish I was filming. Producer Cam's just fucking remembering.

When I just clipped my toe on the sidewalk and didn't quite... Yeah, it was like an uneven... In the pavement, yeah. Pavement. I was going to say tile. It's not a tile. Yeah, like uneven pavement and you just, yeah, snicked it with your shoe. Yeah.

So keeping in mind how lovely and careful and empathetic you were for her, do you remember your exact words that you said to me? I don't. I think I blacked out. I laughed so hard. I actually really don't remember saying anything. I've got some direct quotes. The first one was just three words,

but the first word was dragged out a bit. Would you like me to give a dramatic, actually not even dramatic, a very accurate I'd love to hear that. What's the word I'm looking for? A reenactment? Please allow me to give a reenactment of your reaction to me tripping a little bit.

Alright, but let me do you first. To which Tony said, on a busy city street. There was a lot of people around. Oh, shame. True or false? True or false? True or false? I could neither confirm. And then you said, hey, everyone, check out this fully grown man who can't walk.

What a fuckhead. True or false? That doesn't sound like me. The first one I'll admit to But the second one I'll combat that I don't think I said that It was so funny

You just like Flew through the air It was insane how far Like you got all this air It was like you Were doing long jump Like you just fucking I don It was like you were doing Long jump like you just Fucking I don't know how you did it Why is it

That you're so Kind and caring To a stranger But someone that you supposedly Care for And like not love Yeah I was wondering where you were going with that Last week when you were having a go at me You were like oh but it's Yeah, I was wondering where you were going with that.

Last week when you were having a go at me, you were like, oh, but it's just because I love you, that's all. Yeah. Where was the love that day when I needed it the most? Laying on the ground of the city pavement. Do you remember ages ago? Yes, and I'm still haunted by this whole time. Do you remember ages ago when we were talking about how when you fall over in

public you just want someone to laugh with so that you can kind of like laugh it off yeah and when people come to your aid you actually because you just want to kind of like not start crying yeah especially if you've actually hurt yourself and you just want someone to go like oh my god and you go oh my god that's so embarrassing so you're with friends, it's way easier to recover from a fall. Yeah. Or a trip or a stumble or whatever because they're going to laugh and, like, you feel better immediately. I agree.

I agree. But, like, this woman who fell in front of us, I obviously wasn't going to – I didn't even – it's not as if I was like, oh, I had to stop laughing. I didn't even think of it. I was just like, oh, my God, are you okay? So there was no instant reaction to say, oh, shame. Beep that. Are we beeping the first one?

Yeah, we're going good. It took a few beeps to get through that one. I really gave a big back. So is it actually that I wanted you to feel better straight away, so I actually did you a favour? Because I aided in the speedy recovery from you falling. I'm a really good friend. Have you started doing yoga?

No. Because that's a big stretch. That's very funny. Thank you. I'm actually a very successful comedian. No, I just thought about that. Did you hear that somewhere? Okay.

Do you know what I mean? I hear you. And here is my... I actually laughed so hard I bent down. Like I crouched on the ground because I could not stand up. Can I propose something? Not that. At one end of the scale, we've got you rushing over and being like oh you're okay oh ma'am you're all right how you doing which i actually agree sometimes you

kind of just like i'm fine just don't make it don't make a big deal yep and she did she limped away and was like at the other end of the scale is how you treated me with one of the loudest sea bombs ever dropped in the central business district yeah is there maybe some somewhere in the middle where you can kind of go you're silly i'll you know like a bit of a laugh better but are you okay so normally i would do that oh my god are you all right yeah so i would have i would have worn that but i knew you were fine because you're so tough and strong fuck you and i know that you can come back from anything because you're a beautiful person i am sea biscuit but no i probably it's probably not really not only appropriate it's probably not the most appropriate thing, but it's probably not that kind.

I'm sorry that I wasn't kind. When you fell out of, thank you, but. Yep. When you fell out of the taxi in Jakarta. You didn't even say it. Yeah. You did not help me at all. Well, I was trying to play it cool and not cause a scene.

No, you just weren't there. And then you walked around and I'd finally become vertical again. And you were like, cool, let's go. see that i actually a laugh would not have helped in that situation because i was fucking destroyed you were helpful though in the way that i needed you to be at that time okay because you kind of like carried me to the hotel because i couldn't walk yeah um i'm really sorry for not being a good friend. But it was so funny that I almost don't even mean my apology.

It's very, it's an empty apology for sure. I appreciate one of the softer apologies I've ever heard. And I also, as a person who respects medical comedy and situational lulls and just that straight up honesty

of you just enjoying it, I'll accept whatever it is that you just said. I do repeat myself, but you flew through the air. You were launched out of a rocket. You just flew past me. I've never seen a boy get that high before. Like I just...

There was a boy in the air. He was like fucking flying above us. It was like... Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, Ryan tripped on the fucking pavement. You were flying, John Cancel the podcast

Hey, it's Taylor from Melbourne And you're listening to Tony and Ryan A massive shout out to a few of our champion tapas over at our Patreon. You love to see it. Thanks for being part of it. Byron Calvert, Amber Teresa, Amy Lidster, Cam Bruce. What's Amber Teresa's mother's name? That's funny.

Mother Teresa's mother's name. That's funny. Mother Teresa. Sorry. You laugh at my jokes. Cam Bruce and Amy Bush. George W. 70s. Yeah. Anyway. Tony Felicia Lodge.

Yep. Can you please remind us all About the genius seagull move That happened at the Richmond train station And please tell the story like you don't fucking hate it Oh my god so I heard this sick story Actually that annoys me way more So Ryan told this story About this guy

At the Richmond train station Who Did you see this in the flesh? No I think it's Not even second hand I would maybe say third or fourth Yeah So that's because it didn't happen

No No the person who wrote the comment Originally on Reddit He says he knows the guy who saw it Yeah Oh So the liar is lying about the liar Who reckons he saw it as well.

Three lies equals the truth. That's what they say, isn't it? I have heard that actually. Yeah, good point. So you claimed that you read this comment from this guy on Reddit who reckons he knows a guy who saw this happen, that at the Richmond train station there was all of these pigeons kind of tapping away outside of the, like on the platform.

And then just as the train was about to take off, they threw a box of chips into the train and obviously all of the birds flapped into the train to try and get the chips. The doors closed and there was commotion in the train. Hilarious. The seagulls got off at the next stop in South Yarra. Then, and as we know, South Yarra are very fancy

So they're obviously now living their best life This is the other thing though That every time you tell the story It changes between pigeon and seagull Well I don't think that you even believe the story Do you remember the other story that you told About the dog in the suitcase

Which also was not true Just because You get had on the internet a lot. That's all I'm saying. I just trust people. Now, you are on the record of saying you're not a bird guy. I'm not a bird guy. Yeah, we heard that a few weeks ago.

I'm not a bird guy. So I'm also not as violently against birds as you are. But to me, a seagull, pigeon, I mean, they're all the fucking same. Cockroach of the sky. It's like cucumbers and zucchinis. No one knows the difference. Okay, that's not the same zucchinis no one knows the difference okay that's not the same don't write me a letter same did you say that thing yeah ryan got some hate mail we'll talk about it next week literally someone wrote down hate mail like not even typed it out and sent it on instagram wrote it on paper so there's

been a follow-up to the genius move and it it's not that this, because with that move, someone like did it deliberately. This is like an accidental thing. I don't think anyone did anything deliberately because I don't think it happened. But yes, go on. This one did happen though. No, but how can you, why should I trust you?

I can't trust you that it did happen or didn't. I've never felt so let down by our friendship since I fell over and you laughed in my face three days ago until now. That was really funny though. Okay. Yep. Let's hear it. What happened?

Mick says I once accidentally slapped a seagull into a cafe. Accidentally what? This story kills me so much. Oh, producer Cam has lost it. What did you say?

Oh, he smashed his elbow on the desk. It's all popping up over there. I'm actually crying over here. What did you say?

Oh, don't. I hate being the one that doesn't get it. What did you say? Oh, don't. I hate being the one that doesn't get it. What did you say? I once accidentally slapped a seagull into a cafe. What do you mean? I don't get it. Into a cafe. Oh.

Like into the door? Like into the window? So you know how something's like in your peripherals and you don't know like, like into the window? So you know how something's like in your peripherals and you don't know like, is it an insect? Is it a bird? Oh, and you can't write that. So, look at producer Cam, he's gone bright red. I saw something in the corner of my eye and my first reaction was to swat at it. I accidentally made really good contact with it and slapped it through the open door of a small but busy cafe.

And it was like a bomb went off. And it was like a bomb went off What so The chaos was unimaginable Because I was on the outside of the cafe It was like I was at the zoo looking through the glass At a stampede There is so much liquid on my face I haven't felt like this since I filmed that late night movie

Fucking hell There is so much liquid on my face. I haven't felt like this since I filmed that late night movie. Fuck it up. Where did you find... Is this also on Reddit or was this a comment in our Facebook group? Someone has replied to the pigeon story and goes... Because this sounds real. This one actually sounds real. You think that's bad? Cop this one.

Oh my God. And you can just imagine. You just imagine all the people waiting for their oat latte. And you know how birds like flip out and shit everywhere? The bird, like the seabird would have just been, what did I say? Is it a seagll or a pigeon? It's a sea bird. The sea bird would have just flipped out and shat all over everybody.

Yeah. The chaos was unimaginable. It was like a bomb went off. Oh, my God. Shit. And the bird as well would have been like... The bird doesn't want to be in there. No.

The people don't want the bird in there. They're not enemies and they don't know how to help each other. There's just one little door at the front. That is... I can't believe that happened. That is insane. Oh, fuck. My head is sore.

How are you, Cam? Are you okay? Not well. Not well? I don't think I've ever seen producer Cam do that before. You look distressed. That's a great story. That is a great story.

Fuck, I'm actually crying. Isn't that just one of those things you could never do that if you were trying to do that? Yeah. No way. Like you would never ever i woke up in the middle of the night last night laughing because i knew i had to try and tell that story this morning i am like i can't believe that story like it's hilarious and obviously it happened because that sounds real because that's fucking insane yeah but i cannot compete with

how funny you guys think about it like that is so funny and you guys are like both like bawling your eyes out fuck that's so funny i what where what like do we know anything else like it was melbourne apparently if anybody is listening and they were in that cafe or they i would love to hear someone from you know inside the zoo uh you know or if you work at that cafe, I would love to hear someone from inside the zoo. Or if you work at that cafe, I would love to hear what actually happened. Have you seen a seagull get slapped into a cafe?

It would have been flying low. Yeah. Don't victim blame. No, oh no! Oh, well the bird shouldn't have been there. Oh, my God. Tony, what do you love to see? We need to finish this episode so I can drink some water,

have a panadol and just like have a little like a lay down. Just a bit of a deep breath. In a quiet room. Yeah. Get the breath back in your body. This is actually very wholesome. I saw this online. It's a tweet from Pocklington Liz. Get the breath back in your body. This is actually very wholesome. I saw this online.

It's a tweet from Pocklington Liz. Elizabeth Pocklington. Great. That fucking took me a while to get through, didn't it? We were struggling to choose a front door colour. And you know when you're trying to decide what paint to use in a room and you kind of paint heaps of swatches on, and you end up with 10 brush strokes. Slightly darker blue, slightly lighter blue,

and more of a charcoal blue. Yeah, and then a lilac-y kind of colour, because you go, oh, that's a bit of a wild card, but you never know. So Elizabeth and her husband were trying to figure out what colour to paint their front door, and their postie left one of those like, oh, we missed you card and crossed out all the information

and says, second green up from the bottom looks the best. Oh, that's great. A picture of their front door with all the colour swatches on it and this postie's gone, God, that second one up was good. I'm going to let them know. That green has a real sort of prestigious feel. Yeah, and left a card and was like, oh, yep, I'd go with that one. And they went, oh, yeah, okay.

And they did it? Yeah. Oh, thanks for that, mate. We'll go the yellow. Yeah, well, we won't pick that one. And she said, thank you to the postie for helping us out. Isn't that so sweet? That's sweet.

I love that. Yeah. I love that so much. And you know what else I love? Let me put this on the record. Yeah. On the right house, of course, and I feel like it's usually like an older house. I love a random colour front door.

Oh, yeah. I think it's fun too. It's a beautiful old white sort of picket fence house. And then it's got like a red front door or something. I love that. I love it too. Great. Okay.

Because it's a bit crazy. It's a bit fun, isn't it? Isn't it a bit fun? Yeah. I'd say he would probably have that in a different life. Who? My mum. Great, okay. Because it's a bit crazy. It's a bit fun, isn't it? Isn't it a bit fun? Yeah. I'd say he would probably have that in a different life. Who? My mum. Oh, yes.

Yeah. Definitely. Your mum's like arty, like big colourful glasses. Yeah. Yeah, she'd love that. Definitely. Here's my I love to see it. Heather applied for a job and got this response.

Oh. Dear Heather, I think it's possible that you accidentally sent me a Jamie Oliver chilli beef recipe instead of your resume. Oh my, wouldn't you just pass away? Especially if it's a job you really wanted. If so, please send me your CV when you can and if not, thanks for the delicious, albeit random, recipe. I'll let you know how I go with the beef.

What a good sport. What a good sport. What a great sport. Don't you think there would be so many managers or HR people that would go, well, that's not a thing, and just delete it? They wouldn't even give you another chance. What a great sport. But would you not send the resume and instead go jump off a cliff? Because how embarrassing.

Yeah, exactly. Oh, that's a really good point as well. Yeah, what would you do? I'd probably reply with an anecdote. Yeah. But because maybe it was a plan. Got to stand out from the crowd. Yeah, they'll never forget you.

They'll go, oh, that was that girl that sent you the Jamie Oliver recipe. Do you want a great follow-up? He's like, then you reply, go, oh, silly me. You know, wrong attachment, blah, blah. Here's my CV. But if I get the job. I'll make you the chili. I'll make you the chili on day one or something.

Except then they open the resume and it says, great attention to detail. And they go, well, actually, Heather, I don't think that's true. I might let that slide. I want to have a few strengths. I never miss a beat. I'm on to it all the time. Weaknesses, email.

But I don't know how it turned out for Heather, but I love to see that she did it. But I, as you said, love to see the friendliness in the response. Because he could have made a dick about it, I guess. Yeah, definitely. Fuck, that's so funny. Now, tomorrow, we've got normal or nah. But we've also... A problem is plaguing officers around the world.

Yes, Tony Loach. Fuck, that sounded good when you said it. Thank you. Official and regal, yeah. I just came up with that. If you or your workplace ever do like a group coffee order, you've got to fucking listen up. Yep.

And get your fucking shit together. See you tomorrow. So I've got Nangry. Yeah, you've fired up. I've gotten angry about it. You've watched The Current Affair. And up next, dodgy mechanics.

Dodgy mechanics. Alright, that's tomorrow on the show. We'll chat to you then. Love you, bye.