Toni and Ryan - Freelancing in a Massage Chair

Episode Date: February 12, 2025

PERSONNELLLLLLL UPDATE!!! Get a sneak peak right here!!! Love u xoxoxCheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

With the Fizz loyalty program, you get rewarded just for having a mobile plan. You know, for texting and stuff. And if you're not getting rewards like extra data and dollars off with your mobile plan, you're not with Fizz. Switch today. Conditions apply. Details at fizz.ca. Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Dr. Arthur Tony Lodge. Hello. And we are calling Joy who's in Eugene, Oregon.

Dr. Arthur Tony Lodge. Hello. And we are calling Joy who's in Eugene, Oregon. What a joy. Hello? Joy! It's Tony and Ryan. How are you doing? I'm great.

How are you guys? We are very well. Now there's a little describe yourself section when people sign up to be an approver and you've described yourself as a gold star lesbian. Um, can you educate us on what that means? You don't know what that means? No. Oh.

What the fuck? I don't know what that means. Tony, Tony does know what that means? Of course I know what that means! What does that mean? Means that, um... She's like a better lesbian than the other ones? What? No, no, no, no, because all lesbians are equal.

It means I've never had pee in my V. Like only ever had sexual experiences with other identifying fans. And that means you're a gold star. Yes. So being a gold star gay. You get it, you get it, Ryan. Yeah. Right.

So if- No penis in the vagina. Okay. Does that- So with the penis, I'm not really familiar. So is there like a silver star and a bronze star or is it just you're gold or you're not? You're gold or you're just normal. Actually, oh is there? You could be a platinum lesbian if you were born by C-section.

Because you've never touched a c***. Well, no, because if you were a beep that, but if you were a lit, then you probably would. Yeah, I don't get... That's a platinum gay. Never touched a pussy. Never touched a pussy. Yeah, OK.

Ryan, congratulations. Thank you. And am I like a bad person Never touched a pussy. Never touched a pussy. Yeah, okay. Oh, Ryan, congratulations! Thank you. And am I like a bad person for not knowing the gold star thing? Oh, I guess not. No, I won't hold it against you, Ryan. Yeah, and she won't let you hold it against her either,

so don't you fucking, don't you even try. She's not gonna lose that gold star status. Yes. That's right, 43 years old, going strong. Yeah. That's hot, Joy. I've never done anything for 43 years, except breathe. Wait, no, I'm only 30. I've literally never done anything for 43 years.

I've just seen in real time a lady work out her own age and do maths on it, and it was fascinating to see. Joy, thank you for the educational experience. Will you please approve this podcast? You're very welcome and I absolutely approve. Fuck yeah. Thank God for that. We both said fuck yeah. That's nice, we're friends. Gold star friends.

This is Joy from Oregon and I approve this podcast. To start today's show, what is crazier? Happy Thursday. What is crazier? The fact that the grey bit of hair at the front of my head when I have a shaved head makes it look like a bald patch or the fact that Tony just learned that YouTube is owned by Google. Well, that gray hair, I mean. No, you know what I'm sorry, I'm looking at it on the screen.

You know when you're like playing around in like Photoshop or paint or something and you grab a color. Sorry, two ends of the spectrum of graphic. Two tools of the spectrum of graphic. Was it called kids picks? Let me know if anyone else use kids picks for now. Younger like my mom had a job. Oh, no. Shaming the poor now.

An adopted child who's been taken off the street by a single mother. To be honest though, your mum, cause she's a teacher, did you play a lot of educational games as a kid actually? I wonder if kids picks was supposed to be educational. Like, you know, what's an example of it? Cause I know the kind you mean. You know what I mean? Like, so there was one, it was like, cool, like fourth grade adventures. There was one for every year. And it was like, to defeat evil Mathra, quickly do this some. Well, when we did wear- You know, did you ever do that?

No, but I'm surprised you're still alive. If you played with that. That's how far back I go. So when we did wear in the world is Tony and Ryan's third birthday party. I was like Carmen Sandiego and all you young kids were like, we don't know what that is. Well, the thing is-

Cause that was an educational game to teach you about geography. Oh, I didn't realize it was an educational game. Cause it's like Carmen's gone to a place where they enjoy doing this and they wear these kinds of clothes and it's this kind of temperature. Where do you think she went?

And so you're learning about the different cultures and stuff, which by different cultures, I mean, we stereotyped all these countries. Yeah. And it was fantastic. Yep. And that's how we learned about different countries around the world.

Nice. Yeah. Yeah. Now I think the thing about the where in the world has come in San Diego thing is that people got the concept, but you kept bringing up the game and like being real gutted that people didn't know what the game was. But the concept was amazing and flawless and so good. Thank you.

You don't have to have played the game. Now let's, what was that game called? The fourth grade edition and stuff? Fourth grade adventures. And every grade had a... Welcome to I work in digital media adventures. Question one, who owns YouTube? Google.

I've defeated Mathra. Mathra. Oh, my God, I get it. It was a maths thing. And it was called Mathra, the dragon. Nice. High five. Is there anything else you'd like to say about your discovery about YouTube and Google? Look, I didn't know.

And so I didn't realize and Charles, producer Charles, he said something about it. And I was like, oh, I didn't know that. And he looked mortified. Like Sophie just looked before. Sophie was more empathetic. Sophie was like, oh, you know, it's hard, hard to keep up. You know, Sophie was really sweet about it, but Charles just looked mortified. And I was like, Oh, come on.

I said the worst thing anyone could have said in the situation. I think I was like, Oh, come on. It's not as if it's as bad as like, say, I didn't know that met. I was Instagram and Facebook and he goes, it's worse. And I was like, okay, cool. Cool. Cool. Cool.

Yeah. Cause you know how like AdSense is Google and then you personally earn money from AdSense on YouTube? No, I don't think she, I think she has the personality stuff. Oh, you're HR, I'm finance. To be fair, you're not finance. The personality hire would not know anything about you, Goog and Gootube. We're currently hiring a personality hire,

and I guarantee 100% of them will know that. Well, good. And if they don't, they don't get the job. We should bring people into this business that have different strengths to me. So if people know that that then that's good. So we'll bring in some shit counts to offset your good nature. Thank you.

We only have to beat one of those. We do. We do have a personnel, some personnel updates later in the episode and we'll get to the personality hire that we're hiring. But first. And me, should I be offended that we're hiring a personality hire? Am I not enough personality for that business? Are they stomping on your turf?

You know what I mean? Yeah, but it's- Like they come in, we interview 10 people and I'm like, hate them. Hate them. Hate them. Hate them. Every time, like we do like a video montage. Or just you hating people because they're too good.

Cause I'm like, don't think that there's much personality there. We'll get to the main Lord and personality high. So first let's do normal on this is Kristen Allen. Hi, Kristen Allen. I do get confused between my Christians and Kirstens. Yeah. And sometimes, you know, they throw in a Kirsten. Ooh.

Yeah. K I R S T E N. I think that's Kirsten. Kirsten. Ooh. Yeah. K I R S T E N. I think that's Kirsten. Kirsten Allen. Then what occurs to Kristen? Oh, yeah. After swimming. Oh, but Google and YouTube, I'm the asshole.

It's actually normal now, Tony. Kerr Kirsten. Think about it like Kurt. Curt and Alan. Yep. Hi, Curtin. After swimming, I hate having to dry my foot twice. So when I get changed, I go, trouser, sock, shoe for one leg, and then trouser, sock, shoe for the other leg.

Oh, I'm going to need some fucking paper. Yeah. Hang on. So, so normally you would like. Oh, sock, sock, shoe, shoe. Like, yeah. But she's like, but every time you put your foot back down, then you've got to dry it again, cause you're on the wet ground.

Do you know what I do though? By the time I get to the feet and get to dressing, everything's already dry. I just put my towel on the ground. Yeah, same. Like I can't stand on the wet floor because I'm not very coordinated. And so I go A over T at like the, you know, most inconvenient times. So I need to just, I just throw my towel on the ground. Cause I'm going to wash it anyway. So just pop it on the ground.

So unreliable content. Then I also is Kirsten. Sorry. Is curtain just flexing that they are able to stand on the ground? Yeah, that's really nasty. Curtin. I think though that I do sock shoe anyway. I don't think I go sock, sock, shoe, shoe.

I think I go- But she's talking pant leg as well. So that one stage she's got a full pant on whilst being naked on the other side. Yeah. Well, it's funny, while I was having my breakfast, I had like my bra and knickers and my shoes and socks on. And then I ate my wheat big so that I didn't drop it on my dress. We do that for Mabel who's not two years old yet.

I just, if you know, it works for you, you know, otherwise I would have to wash so many extra clothes because I dropped so much food on myself. The other night, my wife goes, we're having spaghetti. Bridget. The other night my wife says, we're having spaghetti. Do you want to take your shirt off? Yeah. And I didn't know if she was talking to me or my 20 month old daughter. I think it is just safe to do both.

Yeah. Honestly, like no shame. I'd wear a beard if that were an option. I've tried to put a baby bib on before and it went, choke me because they're quite small. Yeah, they're pretty tight. And even though I'm a very tiny woman, it was a little bit too tight for me.

Why are we laughing? I've got a Barbie's neck. I'm tiny. Ashley Tulipano. But Kirsten's too much. Oh man. Ashley to the panel. But Kirsten's too much. Oh, no, I'm not good with the Kirsten's, Kirsten's, Kirstie's. Kirsten Kirstie. Yeah.

Yep. But Ashley, tell the panel, get around her. She's got a normal or nah, but I actually think this is a recommendation and I love it. Okay. Ashley, does anyone else try and guess what other moviegoers are going to see when you're in the lobby of the movie cinema? That's good. They say not to judge a book by its cover, but it's so fun and I've gotten pretty good at it.

I've never done that, but normal. That sounds so fun. I love it. Because sometimes you'll get surprised. Cause my wife loves, like, will dress quite nicely sometimes and look like a very proper lady and she's very smart and professional. You wouldn't look at her and go, ha, fast and furious,

but you'd be wrong. Cause she loves it. Oh, that is surprising. Fast and the furious, but you'd be wrong. Cause she loves it. That is surprising. But if you were to see someone and go, all right, what does a fast and the furious go look like? Yeah. You probably wouldn't see Bridget and go, well, obviously. No.

Yeah. Like it just, and that's the game. Really? You kind of judge them people and go, oh, they're here for an accident. That's the game. You're judging people. Yeah.

And I love it. That's the fun of it. So do you think you'd be good at this? I don't know. I think that I'm probably a bit too stereotypy. No, but I think that's the fun of it. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah.

I wonder if people would guess what I'm going to see. What was the movie you went to see last? The last movie I went to see was Wicked. We'd have seen you a mile away. Yeah. It looks like a theater girls growing up. Yeah. Just this way to Wicked, sweetheart. I actually walked in there and they to see was Wicked. Would have seen you a mile away. Yeah, so if you look. Looks like a theater girls growing up. Yeah. Just this way to Wicked, sweetheart.

I actually walked in there and they were like, Wicked? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, so the people working there. I didn't even buy a ticket. They just went, just go in. So the people working there played the game. Yeah.

That's brave. And you're like, no, I'm here for Fast and the Furious 17. Yeah. And they go, oh, that's weird. And I go, Bridget, hi. Yeah. And they go, Oh, that's weird. No, Bridget. Hi. Once we flew from Perth to London and Bridget watched five Fast and the Furious movies back to back and I said, while we were away, no, it was back in the day

together. Oh, I thought you meant while we were in London, Bridget and I were on the plane and she watched five Fast and the Furious movies back to back. And I was like, are you crazy? And she goes, some people just like to live their life one mile at a time. Maybe it's something about that flight. Cause when we flew to London, remember I watched all of the Matrix's back to back. Yeah. And Tony took a while to come back to planet earth once we'd landed. And I said, right, I watched all the matrixes and he goes, oh, really? I don't think I liked it.

So why did you watch all of them? And I was like, well, it just, why are they, they just, they didn't really make a lot of sense. He's like, well, that was the whole thing, wasn't it? That like they did really, you know, it was supposed to challenge you. But did you go, the first one didn't make sense. Maybe the second one will clear things up. I'm still not there after two.

The third though, probably like a good trilogy should bring everything together. And still, and as I would not the case, it's still not the case. And then like we land and I'm FaceTiming towards I'm like half asleep time, distance, fucking difference chat. And I'm like half asleep, time, distance, fucking difference chat. And I was like, yeah, I watched all the Matrix because and he goes, oh, how sick is that? See, like this one scene. And I was like, oh, I don't think I saw that. And he goes, okay, well,

that's why they didn't make sense because you didn't watch one of them. Yeah. Oh, I watched three of them, but there's actually four. Oh, and you missed the first on you. Miss the first one. I missed the second one. And apparently that's the one that explains it. The movie that's got this in it and everything. And I missed that.

You missed the first one, babe. Oh, well, there you go. No wonder it didn't make any sense. So I love that at the start of the first movie in your mind, it kind of starts with the guy going, so as I was saying, But it's supposed to be super meta. And so I was like, okay, I'm just launching myself in, but I missed like quite critical

plot points, but what's the worst one? So I started Lord of the Rings at the second one. And in the second one, they just like walk in some place and I don't know why they walk in and I don't know where they walk. Yeah. I don't think there's much from the not walking, but I'd missed why they were going and where they were going. And so it literally, I start this movie and they're like, yeah, so we're mid stroll and then, and don't you hate that? And then it ends and they're still walking somewhere. I've watched the first movie about six times and every time I fall asleep when they get to Rivendale. Oh, Rivendale?

Yeah. Is that with um... Yeah, Veronica Lodge is there. Yeah. What's that other guy, Archie? Yeah, he's there. He's a good cunt. He's a good cunt.

He's a good cunt. That guy. Oh! Gah! What? I said good? No, you can say shit cunt. You can't say good. No, you can say shit can't you can't say good. Oh, my mistake.

James Sterling. Hi James. If you've just heard a weird edit, we went to places. Yeah, some shit just happened. James Sterling says eating French fries two at a time, but only when they're the same or similar lengths. Nah, pussy five. Shove those bad boys in.

Eating one by one. I mean, who's got the time? I don't have the time. You don't get enough. There's not enough. I like the mouth feel of lots. Can someone please edit that and put it somewhere inappropriate? Do you know what I mean? I like the feeling of a full mouth. I like the mouth feel of like a good chomp. Yeah. But does

that, what's your fries like hierarchy? Okay. Cause French fries are like delicious, but then for the literal reason the James, and I'm like, yeah, that's just fucking annoying. I prefer like you know yet how we had El Janna, other team the other day. I love those chips that they're kind of like thicker and like they've got that like orangey salt on them. I'm not like a huge fan of like a fry. What's the orangey? Is like a little paprika, a little peri peri dust or something like that. Yeah I don't know that's really good. Yeah fucking getcha. Do you like a cr paprika, a little peri peri dust or something. Yeah, I don't know. That's really good. Yeah, fucking getcha. Yeah. Do you like a crinkle cut? I do like a crinkle cut. Love a curly fry. Yep.

I just think it's interesting in the mouth. I tell you what. Sorry. That's what we said when you discovered YouTube and Google. The ultimate sweet potato waffle fry. Calm town. I believe the good folks at McCain's make those in a smiley face. They do make them in a smiley face, but the waffle fries very good.

It's very good. I'll tell you what, it doesn't get enough credit these days. I think it's gone out of fashion, but maybe we need to bring it back. Are you? Three, two, one. Virga! Are you? 3, 2, 1, Viva La! Viva La!

It's Joy from Oregon and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. With the Fizz loyalty program, you get rewarded just for having a mobile plan. You know, for texting and stuff. And if you're not getting rewards like extra data and dollars off with your mobile plan, you're not with Fizz. Switch today. Conditions apply, details at fizz.ca. ["Fizzle Fizzle Fizzle"]

A massive shout out on this beautiful Valentine's day Eve. Thank you very much to a few of our champion tuppers over on our Patreon. No, that's a great shout because, hey, get them flowers, dog. If you've forgotten and it's something you normally do, then I would hop to right now. Do you reckon if I get bridge flowers, you'll appreciate it? I think it's a nice thought. Of course you will. I might still do it anyway. I think it's a really nice thought.

Take the edge off a bit, yeah. Take the edge off. No, I just, there's nothing nicer than being like, you've thought about me when you were out. Yeah. Like, you know, the other day we did our food shopping, we got it all delivered. And I bought like these six pack of buns for like our lunches this week. Yep.

And it's like, one of the rolls had a big hole in the top and it was like a bit hollow. You know, when you get like a hollow bun. Sure. Does someone buy a bagel? So let me tell you about this new invention from Boston. Oh, I love bagels. Are they from Boston? New York or Boston or something? I don't think that's right. I'm going to get added in the fucking comments.

That's right. But anyway. Yeah, we'll fucking Google it tomorrow. Okay. But anyway, one of them had a hole in it like it had risen with a big air pocket in it. Yeah. And it looked all empty. And then Tobbs was making our lunch and I was like, oh, could I please not have the roll with the hole in it? He's like, I've already made that for mine so that you didn't get it by accident. Isn't that so sweet?

That is. Yeah. I'm the luckiest girl in the world. Should we do a segment? And it's the smallest thing you've cried over, because sometimes it is just the thought that counts and that what they did might feel insignificant, but it just might have been like, that's actually just real nice. It just gets you at the right time. So I had to pick up some coffee. We were out of coffee beans.

Yeah. And then I went to get the coffee place, got the beans and then- Is that the one around the corner from you? In research. Yeah. Mine is gold. Yeah. I never know the name. I've,

I've called it 57 different things. The amount of things though that I've like, if I'm driving to yours. Oh the mining bird. Oh the old BHB Billiton shaft. If I drive to yours and then on the way, I'm like, Oh, I'll grab a coffee. I like to say like, Hey S word, I'd have stopped my thing. And I say mine is gold shaft of gold, mine is which like, fuck I've called it that many and it always knows. And it goes, you mean this one? And you go, yeah. Sure.

So the place next door had some like fresh orange juice. You know, like really cold, really fresh orange juice. Do you go pee thin? What's like pulp? Pulp, sorry. Just medium, like regular pulp. I like a pulp. Because you know, you can get pulp free and then you can also get double pulp.

Yeah, I like a pulp, but I wouldn't go double pulp because that would be too much busy. Yeah. So I get some coffee beans and I get back to the house and Bridge goes, oh, why did you get orange juice? And I go, oh, cause I know that you weren't feeling great and I know that you like it. And she was just a mess. Cause I, you know, it was just like the timing and the fact that I'd thought about it. And I was like-

You see it and you go, oh, she'll love that. The orange juice is 60 bucks, mate. Like it's- No, but it's not about that. It's like, oh, you've thought about me at the thing. It's so lovely. Yeah. What is the most insignificant thing you or your partner's cried over?

And it's not a judgment zone. In a good way. In a good way. Yeah. That's what I mean. It's not a judgey thing. It's more like, oh, it's just like such a nice thought. It's just that thing that just tipped up on a good day. You know? A massive shout out to a few

of our champion tarpas over at our Patreon. Sarah, good on you Sarah. Holly Maynard. Thanks Holly. Carrie, might be Carrie, K-A-R-I. Katie Hansen, Joshua Rodriguez and Evie. Thank you very much for being part of our Patreon. Absolutely love to say it. Thank you very much. Some personnel updates here at Tarp Tower. Personnel. Oh, sorry. I was doing that like how we go question, question. It was like personal updates. Oh, I thought I mispronounced it.

Oh, nah. Sorry. I was ES ending, but it sounded, made me sound like a bitch. We are hiring a meme lord slash graphic designer slash personality hire. And let me just say that meme lord is, you know, Ryan kind of set it as a joke and then it like caught on because we didn't have a better, funnier name for it. And so now there is quite literally a fucking job ad that says meme lord on it. And I just, I don't want that to put people off.

No, and having, having had that- Because it's a big cringe, isn't it? Having had that online for what, three or four days now, I do regret it because I've got people just DMing me memes being like, can I have a job? And I go, yeah, but we actually need like a graphic design person to make memes and other things. And they're like, oh, yeah, but how about this meme from the office?

God, like, isn't this just like listening to your granddad talk about the internet? Yeah. Like, it's the worst thing I've ever heard. I've thrown people off course with the Meme Lord title. Yeah. I'm looking for a professional graphic designer. Is this the ultimate time for a redact? Like, do we need to redact Meme Lord?

Well, possibly. But also you want someone that sees Meme Lord and goes like, ah, because that's the personality part. If you don't think that title's funny, you don't get to work. No, not you don't get to. You shouldn't. You shouldn't. You're better than this. You're better than this. You won't like it. The second part of the job is a personality hire.

And let it be known, LinkedIn won't... Not that we don't already have a great one. We're just expanding. We're, what are, what are our startups? We're scaling the personality hire department. Oh, Tony doesn't like it. She feels attacked. Imagine if I said, we need another smart person.

So you're getting edged out as well. This person is going to replace both of us. We can go on holiday. I love it. Yeah. So you do the shit graphics, you do the shit graphics and have the good personality and we'll take a break. You do the shit graphics and have the good personality and we'll take a break. And we'll take the time off. So are you in all seriousness, no, though, are you okay with another person having a personality in the workplace? No, I actually love it because at the moment I don't have anyone to talk to. So I'm lashing out. No, no, no, I actually am very excited.

Tell us how you really think sweetheart. I'm very excited because sometimes when we come up with memes and then Ryan has to make them, I feel really bad being like, can you please make this shit? Well, we have an idea and then I go, fuck, I'm gonna have to make that now. And then Ryan goes, fuck, okay,

I guess I wanna go home to my child today. So no, it's good news. Because I'm busy putting Tony's face on a Harry Potter stick and making the broom of fucking Christmas tree. You know, or putting us into a large bowl for the Super Bowl live stream we did last week. That wasn't some of my better work. That was a rush job. Yeah, that was that I need to get home to my kids job.

Sophie. Oh, one of my favorites, putting Tony Lodge's face on Lindsay Lohan's face for the Christmas family. And remember the hair job you did? I did. You did do a good hair job. So you'll be able to train this person up in that. I'll be able to train them up in personality higher.

I made your hair low hand red. Yeah, you did a great job. Thank you. Yeah, you did. I didn't half ask that one. I full asked it. You full asked? I really appreciated that effort.

All right. In our next personnel update, Sophie is no longer going to be the head of BDSM. Yep. Yep. The sexual reasons, not important. I noticed the other day that you never used that title on LinkedIn. I think because it's just like we weren't allowed to write personnel. Business development, sales and marketing.

Yeah. But Sophie's staying with us as a freelancer, also taking on other freelance projects, but also, and I don't know if this might be triggering for some people in the room. I don't like that you're all really getting at me today. Sophie, do you want to say what else you might be completing? Well, first of all, my best friend, Toni Lodge, just said she has no one to speak to at work. Yeah, I'd be left. Yeah, because Sophie left.

I'd be fucking off too. My close personal friend, second best friend. Now she probably really won't speak to me. Well, there's a rumor that I might try and finish my celebrant degree. Yeah. Better women have tried than you, Sophie. Yeah, and worse ones. And worse, and have tried the news. I've had worse ones.

And worse and worse. And I was one of the worst ones and I didn't get through it. I don't know if they'll let me back in to be honest. Is there a time limit? Cause you've been going out for. There is a, there is a time limit. That's what got me in the end. Time is a fickle bitch. Isn't it like it's 12 months or something? Yeah. You're definitely past. Oh, getting close. Yeah.

Yeah. So. But don't add Sophie because she's actually going to do it now. No, no, no. I'm not. I'm saying like the time gets away from you and it fucks you.

Maybe. You know. But congratulations. Very exciting. But you'll still hear Sophie because she's, I mean, listen now. Yeah. So, now I've asked you this off air,

but I just wanted to get it on the record. Yeah. Do you know what I've asked you this off air, but I just wanted to get on the record. Yeah. Do you know what I'm going to ask about? What? Well, I have the same question. Um, where should my massage chair go? No, no, no. I would like to say something. This is now a press conference on Christmas day for Tony Ryan. Yeah. I said, cause you were like, Oh yeah. The press host chair will live here. And I was like, no, it's so big. She can take it whenever she wants.

I would like to adapt that. Really? Because now I've used someone being a bit, I was, and now I would like to say that I'm on Ryan's side and I think that the massage chair wouldn't. I've talked to it and it wouldn't like to go freelance. I talk to it. I talk to it. If I say that massage chair at the Coburg retail association, if I say that massage chair in the back of your Saab, I'm calling the police. Okay, I'm calling CPA because you can't take our baby away. I love that massage chair. It has made my life so much better. I will include it in your freelance hours, allocate massage chair time for

you to use your chair whilst you're here. Ooh, that's actually a good deal. That's a good deal. We should- If I get paid while- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, sorry. No, because then we get the chair stays. No, we need to add the massage chair as a perk to the meme law job.

Perks include having a massage chair when Sophie's not using it. Maybe, maybe- Hang on, hang on. To make it sound really good, in-house masseuse. Maybe. Well, hang on. Ran by AI. Not going to jerk you off.

Sorry. I think I might need to be part of the hiring process if this person's going to be using my- And that's actually so fair. That's fair. That is fair. We can use some help. What if I put on like a little like two bucks per ride? We're making money.

Per ride? What about the massage chair? Sophie, I think you're worth more than $2. You've got to up your ante a bit. You're freelance now. True, true. Good work out your rate. We've had lots of questions.

We've answered them, but I'll answer them again. Charles is freelanced with us for over a year, but he's now a full-time studio manager. He is a tech whiz and I'm not pointing fingers at anyone, but has our tech whiz been employed to some people's personal homes? Oh, no, no, oh. I shouldn't have fucking come into work today. I hate it here.

Charles. Have you been asked to work at anyone's house that works here on personal tech issues? Personal tech issues, maybe not, but like yesterday afternoon at your place. That wasn't a personal tech issue. That was not a personal tech issue. Sorry for making our Patreon better

for all of our champion toppers. I could stop doing that if you want. No, I've got something. And Charles, this is, I just want to say first and foremost before I tell you this story that I'm defending you and I'm on your side. But I mean-

That's like saying no offense before telling a racist joke. This is not gonna be good. No, no, no, but you know how joke. This is not going to be good. You know how you'll understand what I'm getting at. And Tony, I'm interested to hear your thoughts on this. Because I was talking to my mum the other day. She was over and her and Mabel are doing some art and stuff. Yeah.

And she goes, how's that new guy going? Oh, cute. And I go, Charles, oh, he's killing it. He's really great. You'll like Mandy. Well, oh. And so here, I think this is the older generation because old people love to latch onto a young guy

that knows something about computers. Oh, totally. Yeah. So mum goes, oh, well, I'm thinking and get a new computer. I'll get him to install the fucking thing and the blah, blah, blah, and the screen and this. And I, that's why I said I'm on your,

I'm not pitching this. I'm actually like, mum, blah, and the screen and this. And that's why I said, I'm on your, I'm not pitching this. I'm actually like, mom, he's a professional that is help, you know, doing a real job and helping us do all this stuff. Yeah. He's not fucking coming around. He's not our tech support for everybody to access. In the family. But I think it's just that generator.

Oh, he knows. So I was that guy for my grandpa. I remember he didn't know what a USB, the stick. He didn't know how the stick worked because there was a movie on it and he knows how big a DVD is and he knows how big a stick is and that doesn't make sense.

No, it doesn't. May God rest his soul. So he's like, I'll have to call Ryan. He died from shock. That's what sent him in the end. So, but I had once a week for about three months, I got a call about, it's in the stick. How am I?

Why am I? I'm not even good at tech stuff. But people just go, Oh, a young whippersnapper that knows something about computers. I'll get them to use. I also think that old people just hear like good at tech. So Charles obviously are quite sophisticated. Like he was broadcast engineer. You know, like he was a broadcast engineer. You know, like he's not.

If you've seen Love Island, that was Charles. Like Charles did that, you know? And so it's not all, you know, putting Microsoft Word on your like Windows surface. It's like quite sophisticated shit. And so it's so funny then that people go, oh, well, does he know how to set my TV up? I'm like, oh, that's quite far.

But this is a conversation that happened in my house last week. This is like if you said to Sophie, do you know what a massage chair is? She goes, No, I've lived it. Mum goes. So he does all the technical stuff for Australian Idol. Oh, can he help me plug my laptop into the other screen? Yeah, so, you know, that's it. And I know what you just explained. technical stuff for Australian Idol. Oh, can he help me plug my laptop into the other screen? Yeah. So, you know, that's it.

And I go, no, what you just explained 90% of it, you plug it in. I think you're there. Yeah. You're so close, man. But I've definitely tech support for my whole entire family. Yeah, I bet.

And I've got remote access into both sides of my grandparents' computers, because on a daily occurrence, something will not work in our local. So you log in from here on our dime. Probably from our massage chef. From our massage chef. To clear your grandparents' search history. Okay.

Today might be the day, clear it out. Chummon, someone's logged in and gone on all these websites again. in and got all these websites again. Um, now last year, uh, Tony has an incident with a local reservoir, which I don't know if we all recall, but the lady that hexed me. Yeah. Yes. Yeah.

So there was a witch and then we said, you be careful on Trump. We said for security purposes, do we need to hire our own witch to counteract. Now this comment set off a chain of events, which has seen many TARF are now officially work for us because if you go to tonyandryan.com.au and the Meet the Team page. The tab is called About if you're looking for it. Yeah.

Scroll down to Meet the Team. I think we're going to have to update the website because currently we're only allowed 64 staff. Yeah, we're working on it. Tech support, Charles is working on it. But basically anyone can apply to work for us. And this is just like for fun. It's not a real job. We're not going to pay you any money.

You can't put it on your resume. So sorry. But you will have your profile picture, name, location and job title on our website. Yeah. It's very fun. You can go see it now. It's live. It's fucking sick. Let me run you through some of the people that work here.

Oh my God, meet the team. In addition to Tony, Ryan, Sophie and Charles. And do we want to say what you texted me the other night? Not that one. Oh, I did say specifically that was not for the podcast. The other night, Tony said, should we put BJ and Pippa on? And then she said, no, cause when they die, we'll have to take them off and it'll be real sad.

And then I started to cry and I said, forget it. I said anything and Ryan just didn't reply. He's like, that's resolved. Move on. She's come full circle. I would like to welcome Lauren Dats from Long Island, New York. Hi Lauren, congratulations.

She is the official, oh fuck, this is grim. I should have read this in advance. Toni and Ryan Headstone designer and Headstone portrait artist. Everyone's got to go sometime. Yep. Welcome Lauren. And she's on the team now. Yeah.

Haven't you seen her in the kitchen? Making a headstone. in the kitchen, make a headstone. Amir Bjornström from Ussala, Sweden is the Tony and Ryan biophysicist, monocular biologist and badminton umpire. Amazing. Get you a girl that can do that. For all our biophysical and badminton umpiring needs. Oh, thank God. Because we've been talking about how- We've been arguing over the rules about badminton umpiring needs. Oh, thank God. It was good. We've been talking about how- We've been arguing over the rules about badminton.

How nasty our badminton's gotten recently. Do you know if there's a badminton center literally at the end of our street? Should we go down there and bring Emil Bjornström with us? I think so. She'll already be there. I didn't know that. That's so true. You know that massive rec center at the end? No.

They only do badminton. What rec centre? The car wash? No, no, no. So the car wash is on the corner on our side. It's a car wash slash badminton centre. Yeah. And slash binocular biology.

You wash the car and I'll hit the shuttlecock. Yeah. And you're always saying that. No. So if the car wash is on the corner on this side, if you look across the road from the car wash, that huge rec center is a badminton center. I'm looking at photos.

It's huge. I cannot believe none of you have ever seen it. Can I say one more thing on the side of this enormous building is just pictures of shuttlecocks and people playing badminton. Charles, what else have you discovered about it? Pardon? What have you found there? Oh, we're seeing a photo. Oh my God.

It's huge. It's so gigantic. Well, you've just docked where we work because how many places, how many places in the entire world have a shuttlecock placed next to a car wash at the end of the street. You know what I mean? Okay, sorry, we could take a look. Babs, come on over. It's only 15 bucks an hour.

Oh, well, even more information now, isn't it? At least their pricing's right. It's better than $2 a ride. $2 a ride is, you know, it's not enough. Zoe Gilfinigan. Hi Zoe. Grandma, I'd like to. Finger in.

She's from Redwater, Canada. And she said she is Tony and Ryan's dance mom. A dance mom. But only when we're in Redwater, Canada. Oh, so it's a localized shop. She's got family nearby, but when we're in town, if we need a dance mom, she's happy to help out. That's good. At least we've got someone somewhere.

Yep. And J Scott Samuel from Jersey is the Tony and Ryan macaroni and cheese customization and optimization specialist. I'm also fine for people to add this to their LinkedIn. Oh, I would love that. Cause you can say that you work at our company without, like we don't have to do anything. Well LinkedIn, it's like a cowboy world.

Yeah, you can do everything over there. So welcome to the team. Welcome to the team. That is the latest updates from Tarp Tower personnel. Good times had by all. Do you have your love to see it? I do have your love to see it. This you love to see is from Jane Bigby,

who sent this in Patreon. And Jane said, Hi guys, just wanted to drop something in here and share with you. My son and I have a true crime and paranormal activity podcast that we've been hosting for a couple of years now. So it's like mom and son, they do it together. It's called brutal, bizarre and boozy.

And each episode, I thought this was really cool. Each episode, we have a true crime story and one weird story that could be like a UFO sighting or a haunted hotel kind of thing. And they start the show with a cocktail themed around one of the stories. So that's where the boozy part comes in. So they have a little cocktail. And at the end of each episode, they finished with a chaser, like a feel good story or recommendation. Like they got their inspo from our, you love to see it.

Love that. And Jane said in honor of our recommendation week, she said, I know it's a little bit late, sorry. But they shared about our podcast and made it a listener recommendation in their You Love To See It section. So I thought only fair that we return the favor. So if you listen to Jane and her son's podcast, it's called Brutal Bizarre and Boozy. I love that. And I love alliteration, so I really love that. I thought that might get you across the line. Love that.

But go have a listen to a Tarpas pod. Isn't that sick? That is sick. My love to see it is from Crystal Goodrose. Crystal? Although I think her real name is Crystal Good. Oh, wait a minute. Lot of c****s today.

We've said c**** heaps today. Yeah, and someone's not helping. What? Oh, because I said c**** twice just then. Two c said heaps today. Yeah. And someone's not helping. What? Oh, cause I said twice just then. Two. Sorry. You have to beep all those. So if he's freelance now we pay her per beep. I was like, so just the one. Right. Right. That is the most, that is the whole lot.

Sorry, Soki. Reductive. Do I still get HR? No. No support of it. No. And that goes for the whole team online as well. No HR of it.

Yeah. Crystal Goodrose. Yeah. I think we just need to take a breath because this is a bit of a nice, you know. Oh, sorry You know Simmer down Crystal Goodrose says this starts sad, but it comes around

Amazing My friend's nine-year-old son has just had an arm amputation following an unsuccessful chemo, an aggressive bone cancer and an arm like crazy Nine years old Nine years old. He's an avid gamer and I wanted to ensure he could keep playing so I started looking at adaptive devices but nothing was really available for him and how it could work yeah but then I remembered someone at school owns a 3d printer so we've been

looking at printable adaptive options and building them and you know trying stuff and all maybe we'll try you know We're just like we've see so here's a photo of a practice run, and I've just texted the teams group chat Oh Wow, that's so sick. We're also building a PC rig for him. And so far, a lot of the parts have been donated from friends in the community. I know it's not much considering what he's gone through,

but it warms my stinky little heart to see people giving their time and resources to make the transition for this new one-armed life a little bit easier. And that is so amazing. Aren't people so clever, but also just so generous. Like a lot of 3D printing stuff, like their files and stuff aren't very expensive. Sometimes they're open source and they're free.

OK. And so like to actually someone's developed that and then just given it to the Internet. Isn't that so amazing? It's so good. And I think when she was saying, oh oh, I know it's not much, but I don't know. When you're in that position, that's fucking everything, you know? Like. Especially when, you know, like hobbies are so important for your mental health. Yeah.

Like, and I don't just mean like exercising and stuff. Obviously that's part of it, but things that just bring you joy. And when you're having a fucking hard time, you just want to do those things that bring you joy. So that is so special. And that kid, and I mean, more importantly, that mom is never ever gonna forget that you did that for him.

That's so beautiful. Yeah, so Crystal Goodrose, or as she is known. Crystal Goodcunt, don't beat that. That one's staying in executive decision. What did I say? Executive dissection. Executive decision. Yeah, but you made it real hard.

And that's coming from me. Yeah, I did. Made it real hard. Sorry. Love you. We'll be back tomorrow. Maybe. Meet me at our show.

See you tomorrow. Love you. Bye. Discussion See you tomorrow. Love you. Bye. Discussion. Executive decision. Yeah, that's fine. This episode is brought to you by Audible. You can listen to the new Audible original podcast, the unusual suspects with Kenya Barris

and Malcolm Gladwell. Now, when I hear the words Malcolm Gladwell, I'm just like, sign me up. Oh, really? Because I'm one of his like OG super fans, super stans. Really? The tipping point- Well, guess who we've got in the studio.

We'll reel him in. No, sorry, sorry. The tipping point in Outliers, like he's written heaps and heaps of books, but they were like some of the first books I've read and he's like incredible. And his podcast since then have been pretty great. So anytime I see Malcolm Gladwell doing anything, I mean,

this podcast specifically looks pretty good, but it says, Oh, this new thing from Malcolm Gladwell, ordered, collected, see you at the gate. Oh, well, would you like to hear some information about this brand new podcast? They bypass pleasantries and promotional banter to deliver raw, unfiltered conversations with some of today's most influential figures. Yeah, there's Jimmy Kimmel who I love as well. And's got a really interesting story so that'll be awesome. Dr. Dre, which is, I mean, yeah. Rapper, producer, executive, like amazing. Creator of beats and the billion dollar headphones and all that unbelievable stories. Oh my god, you just forget about all the stuff people do, don't you? Well you can learn all about it and never forget again.

Pop your headphones on. Go to audible.ca slash unusual suspects podcast and listen right now. With the Fizz loyalty program, you get rewarded just for having a mobile plan. You know, for texting and stuff. And if you're not getting rewards like extra data and dollars off with your mobile plan, you're not with Fizz.

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