Toni and Ryan - Fun in a Float Tank

Episode Date: December 22, 2021

I've gotten myself into an awkward situation, and Ryan and I exchange our Secret Santa gifts!!! Our last ep before Christmas - so love you all LOADS and Merry Christmas! Toni xxxx Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello? Hello, is that Caleb? Shut the hell up. Sorry, not you. That's my dad. Oh, hi, Dad. Hello. Hi, Caleb.

It's Tony and Ryan calling from Australia. Yay! Sorry. I know you guys tell you feel about freeloaders, but I told my family about the podcast. Oh, no, that's so sweet. Hi, everyone. How many people are we talking to?

Well, we have my mom, my dad, my brother, who's in the Navy, who we get to see probably once a year. He's here. So we're all having a great time. So the one time of the year you actually get to see your brother, you're wasting your time with us. Oh, don't even. Oh, tell your mum to pipe down.

She's going off in the background, isn't she? She's had too many eggnogs. Christmas not yet, mum. Yes, it is. We're going to an ugly sweater contest. My sweater says virginity rocks. Dad has Santa in a thong with his ass hanging out. Oh, my God.

We should be at this house for Christmas. Yeah, I want to go. This sounds like a great time. Sounds fun. Yeah, we have fun. We've been drunk the past three days, so. But, Caleb, you did tell us to find our best Portland jokes. And, obviously, Ryan and I aren't American,

but we've tried to find the best ones we could find online. best Portland jokes. And obviously, Ryan and I aren't American, but we've tried to find the best ones we could find online. And mine is, how many Portlanders does it take to screw in a light bulb? 23. It only takes one to actually screw it in, but these 22 sustainability blogs aren't going to write themselves. Thank you. It looks like Portland just got itself a booking for the US tour in a few years for Tony's stand-up special.

My type five. Well, actually, we're not in Portland right now. We're in Bend, Oregon, which is three hours away. It's like 20 degrees Fahrenheit outside. It just snowed. That's where we're from. Sorry, Tony's just doing the math. She doesn't understand what Fahrenheit is.

That's below zero. It's very cold. Oh, God, you're putting some thick socks on. Well, on behalf of the Tony and Ryan podcast in Australia, we would like to say Merry Christmas to the whites over there. Thank you so much for being part of the community. And it sounds like, I mean, I was going to say, I hope you guys have a great Christmas.

It sounds like it's already started. It's on its way. So thanks so much for being a part of it and enjoy your time. Well, thank you so much. Yeah, Merry Christmas from the US to Australia you guys are awesome thank you guys thanks for everyone

being on the phone as well it's very sweet nice to meet you all bye everyone bye it's Kayla from Oregon and I approve this podcast Today is the last podcast before Christmas. I know.

I can't believe it's Christmas. It's such an old man thing to say like, oh, where's the year gone? Yep. But seriously, where's the year gone? Yep. But seriously, where has the year gone? I can't believe everything that we've achieved in the last couple of months and that the people that are listening now are part of that. It's very cool. The reality is that a lot of people are listening to this right now

who never even knew existed a few months ago. Yeah. So thank you for being part of this. Are we getting emotional because it's Christmas? Getting all sentimental? I think so because it feels like the right time to do it. I guess if you're ever going to do it, it should be now. I thought we would.

Great. I brought some mistletoe in. I brought my big lips. Oh. And my mouth. Paul Pritchett. Later on this episode, the Tony and Ryan Kris Kringle is going to happen. Yeah, who'd you get?

I don't know. I can't say. But I've got a quick story for you that I feel like is an early Christmas present because there's a small detail in this story. I'm so embarrassed about this, but you're going to have a field day. So just let it be known I'm telling this just to give you. Hang on. Is this so that you get out of giving me a gift because you forgot?

No, no, this is a bonus one. Okay. Okay, so here's the story. All right. The cleaner was booked in to come around, right? Oh, who's got a cleaner? And this is the gift. I've got a cleaner.

Actually, you know what? Down girl You've been really busy lately Yep So have I Yep I don't have a cleaner But been really busy

I respect that You delegating that so you can just go You know what? I've paid for this so that I can spend my time doing other things Exactly right You paid for it, right? Yep Or was it free?

No, no, absolutely paid for And this is where the issue lies. It only costs $60. For what? They come and vacuum the whole place and they just do like a really great job of the kitchen and the bathroom and that's it. $60 for the kitchen and the bathroom to get done? Because the way it works on this app is you type in like how big is your house,

how many bedrooms, and my house has one bedroom. One bedroom, one bathroom. And we love it, but it's just me, Bridget, and the dog BJ. It's not a big house, as you know. So most people will be like, oh, we've got three bedrooms and two bathrooms. So the app would be like, cool, that's $180. Yeah, it just like decides how much it costs. Yeah, and their whole thing is like only pay for what you need cleaned.

So we've only got a one bedroom. That's so good. Hence why it's pretty cheap. Yeah. So for me to spend $60 every second or third week, I'm like, yeah, great. Because it takes that off your plate. You don't have to worry about it. So Bridget was unwell, my wife, this week.

Yes, she has been sick. And she was staying home. She's going to be in bed the whole day. And what's the one thing you don't want when you're home sick? A stranger. Someone there. Vacuuming, doing stuff. So I called up and I said, hey, sorry, it's really late notice. My wife is really unwell. I feel like in this day and age, when someone's unwell, you don't send other people into the room. There's germs. We've all learned that lesson over the last few years. Yes, 100%.

I assume there's some sort of cancellation fee. I'm so sorry for the late notice. Tell me what the deal is. How does it work with your company? Yep. She goes, yep, there is a cancellation fee. It's $80. No. How much did I say it was to clean? $60. $60. It's more expensive to cancel. You might as well just get them to come round, pay them the $60, but tell them to leave instead of coming in. That's what I suggest. Because, sure, if it's a $300 job, they've booked out the whole afternoon. So you're like, all right, fair enough.

And I said to the lady on the phone, like, I don't want to be that guy, but are you aware that that's more than my thing? And she goes, and she was just so matter of fact, the kind of reality of this, she was just like, well, the cancellation fee is $80. And I was like, yep, but the cleaning is only $60, so maybe just if that's a real issue for you, just send them and they just don't have to clean.

And they go, well, if you do that, that also is a cancellation, so it would be the $80 plus the $60 still. And I was like, what? What the fuck? That is ridiculous. And so I was like a little bit stubborn, yes, but I was like. A little bit, yeah. I was just like I feel.

That is ridiculous. I can't get off the phone knowing I'm paying an extra money to not get anything done. Yeah. Does it help to think of it if it was like, well, you have to pay for the services you didn't receive plus $20? Is that better if you think about it like that? No.

No? It'd be like the services you booked in but they didn't do it so we'll give you a $20 discount because the person didn't know. If someone said to me, hey, Ryan, come around and clean my house for $60 or you could not do it for $50, I'd be like, fuck yeah. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, I'd do it for $70 as well.

It's not like the person's there being like, I'm just so desperate to clean your house. Yeah, they're still getting the money out of it. Am I wrong in saying this is bizarre? It's a hard one because I understand, you know, rules are important and rules are there for a reason. So I get why the woman on the phone was like, well, no, that's what it costs to cancel.

But you were trying to do the right thing by being like, hey, my wife's really not well. I don't want to put you in a situation where you're in the house with someone who's not well. I don't want you to be exposed. Exactly. Like you were doing the right thing. So I think it's probably a little bit rough to be like, you know,

as you said, I mean, if it was $100 to clean the house and the cancellation fee was $80, you'd be fucked off by that too. I would be. Yeah, absolutely. Because I'd be like, well, it's $80 to cancel. It would have cost me $100 to get it done. I might as well just let you in there and hope you don't get sick.

I would do that. Maybe I should have done that. I didn't, but I should have just been like, come over. So what ended up happening? Did you pay the $80? She was like, you either pay $80 and they don't come or if you only want to pay $60, she's going to turn up. But then were they going to force you to pay $60 plus $80,

which is however much money that is? $140? I don't know. But next week I'll have the printout because, you know, it comes through on the afternoon receipt. So watch this space. Oh, okay. But I'm curious to know if people can let us know in the episode thread,

A, what would they have done? Is this another Who's the Jerk? I feel like there's a lot of jerks. You know when you're like if there's a lot of jerks in your life, maybe you're the jerk? Maybe you're the jerk, yeah. That's why I'm trying to phase that name of the segment out. Okay, well, you came up with it.

Anyway, I don't know who the jerk is. I think that you tried to do the right thing by cancelling it. You could have just let them rock up and then be like, oh, no, we don't want you to come. Is it... I don't know, the lady's just working and they're the rules. Yeah. But is there some sort of, like, overarching rule of life that's, like,

when common sense applies? No. Not when it comes to dealing with, like, a corporation. Yeah, like, common sense. Because it's black and it comes to dealing with like a corporation. Yeah, common sense. Because it's black and white. There's like no grey area because otherwise everybody that called them would be like, oh, but what about this? And they'd be like, oh, well, you're right.

I would have been totally fine if she had gone, hey, mate, I actually get it. It's so weird, but this cancellation is a fixed thing and I actually can't change it. It's just a dumb thing. I get what you're saying, but it's just how it works in the system. But it was because she wouldn't hear what you were saying. She couldn't understand what I was saying.

She was like, but cancellation is $80. I was like, yes. And the cleaning is $60. She's like, yes. Yeah, but didn't see the relationship. Are you not seeing this, Tony? Yeah. Anyway, watch this space.

Watch this space. But, Tony, what have you been up to, man? I heard you're not the only one. I heard I'm not the only one making a dick out of myself. I went and got my eyebrows done. They look beautiful. Thank you so much. So the place that I normally go to and I've been going to for years,

like years and years, it's the same chain that I've been going to since I lived in Perth. So I've been going there for like seven years. Yeah, you can tell. Shut down during COVID in Melbourne. Is that why you were? Yeah, they were looking rough. Did you do your own in between?

Yes. Well, I kind of did, but then I got really lazy and I couldn't be fucked. Anyway, so I ended up finding this place on Instagram and was like, oh, I'll give them a go. Sure. They're just this beauty parlour in Brunswick. Brunswick, which is like the hipster area of Melbourne. It's a very hipster, very cool kind of area.

And I was already fairly intimidated of going to a new place, but then turns out that it's in like the cool area and everyone that I walked like knew that I was going to see was going to be dressed really cool and have like a really cool like laid back attitude and as you know I hate being late yes and this eyebrow appointment was at 8 p.m so it was late so I was at home I had dinner and then I went that's how fucking old I am I had dinner at 6 30 then sat on the couch until it was like time to leave yeah um and I just talked just talked myself into a frenzy about being anxious about going to this place.

I ended up getting there at 7.30. Oh. Did you actually walk into the door? Okay. So here's the thing. Oh, my God, Tony. So I walk up to the door of the place. I'm like, cool, I can see it.

It's here. They've got like a QR code COVID check-in thing on the door of the place. I'm like, cool, I can see it. It's here. They've got like a QR code COVID check-in thing on the door. So I checked in as soon as I saw that. As I'm checking in, I look through the window of the beauty parlour and there's a girl in the front of the place getting like a facial done. Great. So there was a client and the person working on her and I saw that and went, oh, I don't want to walk in the front door

and interrupt. Right. So I was like, oh, you know what? And here is where I made the mistake. I'm like, you know what? I'm not going to go in yet. I'm just going to wait outside. Like just stand there by yourself for 30 minutes?

They had a little bench out the front. So I was like, oh. They did or it was just like a park bench? Well, it was right next to the door. So I'm assuming it was theirs. It wasn't like public property. It looked like. Is this like on a main street?

It is on Ligon Street in Brunswick. Which is a very main road. It is. I see the bench. I go, this bench is obviously here for people that are early. Yeah. So I sit down on this bench knowing full well that the girl doing the facial would have seen me, like the person working.

Did she look at you? She didn't, like, acknowledge me, but she would have seen me because I was sitting there. Well, when you say she would have seen you, you also said she didn't acknowledge you. So which one is it, Tony? No, no, no. Which one is it, Tony Lodge?

So it's not as if we locked eyes and she went, I'll be with you in a second, or like held up a hand or something, or smiled. She just, I'm assuming she would have seen me sitting there and checking in and stuff. Could you have been an innocent patron just catching the bus? Potentially, potentially. There was no bus stop there. But potentially could have just been a normal person walking past. Anyway, so I sit down and out the front they've got like a sign

that says like Luna Beauty Bar, like come and get your waxing, your spa massage, whatever. I'm sitting there. Fifteen minutes goes past. So I'm still very early to like my appointment. And this girl walks past, very cool. Very cool., very cool. Very cool. Incredibly cool.

And she's wearing like these chinos with like Nike shoes and like an oversized top and she just looked really cool. And she walks over to me and goes, hey, are you waiting to get an appointment at this place? And instead of in that situation saying like, yeah, I've got an appointment at 8 o'clock, I went, well, I'm not actually waiting because I've got an appointment at 8, but I got here at 7.30 and I was way too early.

So I checked in, but then I didn't want to go in and bother the girl that's having a facial, as you can see in the front. So I sat down on this bench and now I'm really worried I've made a mistake because they'll have seen that I'm sitting at this bench and I don't know now when the right time is to walk in there. Was the lady who asked the question as bored and anxious as I am just hearing the story? So she's like deadpan looking me in the eye.

Hey, man, I don't want to read your life story. I just want to know. Have you got an appointment? Yeah. And she goes, love this narrative you've created, but do you think they've got any appointments? She did not. What the sass.

Say that again. Love this narrative. And she does the hand. Yeah. Love this narrative you've created, but do you think they've got any appointments? I'm going to use that. Love this narrative, but back to what I need.

And I was like, oh, I booked an appointment online, don't know what time they shut her in. So you've continued with the narrative? Continued. And she like kind of laughs and goes, maybe I'll just wait and see if they've got any spots. And I was like, well, like what if we walked in together and then. Tony, you're so awkward. What are in together? And then I just fucking.

Tony, you're so awkward. What are you doing? I know. Be cool. You're a cool person. I'm not cool. I'm not a cool person. Well, I thought you were.

Well, you were wrong. I've been tricked. Anyway, and then she's like, oh, yeah. I don't want to be associated with you. You're clearly a mess. Oh, I guess so. And then I could tell that maybe she thought I was a little bit sweet and endearing and she was kind of like entranced by the story. And she goes, oh my God, someone's just walked out.

Like another girl's just walked out into the reception area. And I was like, you're right. It is our chance. Let's go in there. So I was like, should I go now? She's like, yeah, yeah, I'll come behind you. So I walk into the place and I was like, hi, my name's Tony. I've got an appointment for 8 o'clock. And she's like, oh, I'm Amelia. Like, so nice to meet you. And then she goes, oh, is that your friend?

Does she want to wait inside? And then I go, okay, I've got two options here. I either go like, no, I don't know that woman, or I try and advocate for her and try and get her an eyebrow appointment. So I love that you were like, please be my friend, please be my friend, and then that girl's like, is that your friend? And you're like, fuck that bitch, I've never seen her in my life.

And I was like, oh, I think she was hoping to get an appointment. And the girl who I'd been talking to on the street kind of walks in and goes, hey, I'm sure that you're really booked, but I'm desperate, like I'm going to Sydney tomorrow, I really need an eyebrow appointment. And Amelia, the girl who works there, did you just stifle a yawn? No. I just saw you yawn.

I'm so enthralled by this narrative. Fuck off. Anyway, it gets good. I hope so. Anyway, so I think she was hoping to get an appointment. She goes, I'm fucking desperate. Like I really need to get my eyebrows done before I go. I'm too cool to be seen like this.

Exactly. Look at my shoes. And the girl working there goes, I'm so sorry. I'm fully booked. Like Tony is my last appointment. Right. And the girl goes, oh, you're like the fifth place I've tried. All good though.

She walks out. We walk into the little eyebrow room. Yeah. And Amelia goes, oh, like so nice to meet you what are we doing today and i go oh my gosh i'm so i'm so sorry like but you'll not believe what just happened i tell the story about how i've been sitting on the bench for half an hour she goes my last client cancelled i've been sitting in here doing nothing for half an hour so not only could you have gone in at 7.30 when you were right, the other girl could have had her eyebrows done.

Oh, my God. I know I'm an arsehole. I hate other women. You're not an arsehole. Question. Question. How many awkward moments in your life, say if this one cost you half an hour of your time?

It was probably more than that in the end. Because there was all the stress. I mean, all the time you've wasted. And now this story, which is fucking 45 minutes. We've had to sit through this all year hearing this story. Well, I thought you would like hearing about my life. How much time do you think questioning whether you should go up to the person and ask the thing, has that cost you in your life?

Well, I'm 28. So I'd say about 14 years. That's a half of it. It's Caleb from Morgan and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. We would like to say a big thank you to our champion tapas. You can have a look at our Patreon at patreon.com slash Tony and Ryan. Martin, Madeline Carmichael, Rachel Rogers, Rachel Evan, and the big woot, Reece Wooten.

Thank you so much for being part of the Patreon. It's an absolute pleasure to have you. Reece Wooten's one of my favourite. Oh. And you heard what I said, Big Deal? You heard what I said. We haven't heard from the Big Deal in a little while. No, she was in the comments the other day. Because did you know that when we were talking about MSN Messenger stories,

because she was like, no, guys, AOL. Yeah, but that's an American thing, right? Yeah. I had an American thing, right? Yeah. I had an American pen pal. Well, not really a pen pal, but like on AOL. An online friend? Yeah.

Did he flash you? No, I don't think I did. I was like totally in love with him though. That's a shame for him. Missed out on the goods. Oh, thank you. Yeah, we met on Omegle. You know that like chat roulette thing? Yeah, we met and we got along

because I, at the time, was very cool and I had stretched ears and he was really hot and cool, I was hot and cool. I'm not hot and cool anymore, as you heard from last story. And yeah, we used to chat on AOL because that's what Americans used. Pretty cool. We lived in New York. How'd it go?

Well, we're 12s. Not well. Not cool. And how'd it go? Well, with 12s. So not well. Not great. All right. So we decided to do a Kris Kringle between everyone who works on the Tony and Ryan show, which is just the two of us. Yes. Well, I thought that would be a really funny joke to put my name

in there twice. Well, when I pulled my own name out of the hat, so I had to pick the other name. Well, I had to be honest because if I pulled my name out, then you would have pulled the next name and you would have also got you. But how funny would it have been if I was like, I put my name in twice, I got two presents. Would you like to give first?

Oh, I can do. Who did you have? I had Ryan. And just a little something from me. Merry Christmas. What do you mean a little something from you? Oh, from Secret Santa. Thank you.

But you just asked me who I had and I told you. Yeah, no, you're right. You're right, you're right. Oh, you've done such a great job with the wrapping. Thank you. I'm going to put it out there. Uh-huh. With the ribbon on top.

There's actually two ribbons. Yeah. Great wrapping plus two ribbons. The second rhythm, this little rope thing. You can cut it if you want. It's actually making it very hard to undo. Hang on. I got my nails.

Pull it to the side maybe. No. Been there. Is that what this is? So you've never asked for this thing, but. So you're just randomly hoping that I like this. I think that, yeah. Now, what was the limit?

30. And have you spent under or over? It was about 30. You've spent way under, haven't you? You cheap. Sure. Oh, God, no. Fuck you.

No, fuck you because I need this so badly. But it'll save everyone in my life so much time. What is it? It is a tracker for your keys, wallet and more. I bought you a set of tile things. Yep. And so there's one that you attach to your keys and one that's like credit card size and you put it in your wallet

because you always lose your keys and you always lose your wallet. I do always lose my keys and I always lose my wallet. And so what happens? So then if you lose your keys and wallet, you just go on the app and find it. And it, like, shows you on a GPS. This is such a great idea. I need this so badly. And I think I told you last week I did a TV spot and I thought I left my wallet in the studio.

But it was in the Uber. This is so handy. Yeah. But I have something to tell you. What? Bridget got me the same thing. Oh, no. A year ago.

Oh, sorry. And I lost the tiles before I had a chance to put them in my wallet. Ryan. She's like, where's the tiles? And I was like, I don't know. And then we always make a joke about needing a tile for my tiles. Oh, well, this could be a tile for your tiles. Oh, I thought that was a really smart gift for you.

It's a really smart gift. But you can have like, even if you find the other ones, you can have like, you can use as many as you want. I'm not going to find the other ones. This is perfect. You know how early I said how much time in your life have you spent like being in anxious awkward situations? The amount of years I've spent looking for my wallet or my keys.

I know. And you've just given me all this time back. Exactly. Which is perfect because my present is a piece of paper saying, just go to reception and ask, don't be a dickhead. So I've saved you the time as well. That's a shit gift. I've got you something else.

Okay. Actually, a question, and this is for you and people listening. Thank you, by the way. That is actually a very thoughtful gift. You're welcome. And a very helpful gift. Does a poem count as a gift? No.

That's what I thought. Let me just... Let me just order something on Amazon. I'll give you a poem anyway. Okay, great. But I'll just add a little something to the poem. Okay. Okay.

Now, you mentioned that you liked these. Acrostic poems. No, agnostic poems. I'm sorry, my mistake. No, you mentioned that you liked something. Okay. And then I've gone these. Acrostic poems. No, agnostic poems. I'm sorry, my mistake. No, you mentioned that you liked something. Okay. And then I've gone, okay. And you've backed it up.

And I've hooked you up. Okay. But first a poem. Okay. Merry Christmas to Tony Lodge, a beautiful soul. We love her just like she likes a cheese stuffed sausage roll. Our online videos took off this year. Those awful pick up lines were a win. But sad for me but good for Torbs. He's the one who actually gets to stick it in.

You like those float sessions so I've booked a fancy wellness place. So you've got multiple sessions where you can feel like you're floating in outer space. You do like those, right? I do like those. Yeah, there's this really fancy place in South Yarra. You've got four sessions there so you can go one a week for a month or whatever you do.

Four sessions? Mate, that's way more than $30. Well, obviously you've got a shit gift for me but yours is pretty good. Mine was expensive as well. I hope you like this, Tony, because finding this float place was a mission, a bit of a hunt. Here we go. But for you, Tony, it's worth it.

And if you don't like it, then fuck you, you're an absolute cunt. Bib! That's a great gift. Are you sure? That's really expensive, though. Oh, that's fine. I know the guy. So you mentioned last week that PJ, who we used to work with,

that she had a spare session and you used it and you loved it. Yeah. And it's not cheap. It isn't cheap. So you, and knowing you, you wouldn't allow yourself to, like, treat yourself. No, and I really, is it at Beyond Rest in South Gara? Yeah.

So I've been to the Hawthorne one. Right. Yeah, and it's lovely. It's really, really nice. Okay, great. I'm glad you like it because you said, like I said, throwaway comment a mile ago. You're like, oh, I did this float once.

I actually think it was last week. That you said that? Yeah. So do you like your present? Yeah, I love it. Thank you. But that would have been a lot of money. Well, it can't be more than the tiles.

You're being a jerk about it, but I actually leave the price tag on every present I buy as a power move. Oh, you have. It is a power move. Oh, I've seen how much the tiles are. That is a power move. Yeah, okay. Thank you.

Power move. I know that yours still would have been more, though. Yeah, it is. That's not fair because now I have to go and spend more money. No, you don't. I do. Or how about this? Because my OCD, yeah.

Mine was slightly more than yours. How about I come with you for one of the floats? Oh, I'd actually love that. Yeah, so we can dual float and then you can have the couple after after. But then at least we've evened up the ledger, you know. We've been busy. We've been stressed.

We often chat about, oh, what's the thing we can do to, you know, what are you doing to calm yourself down? What are you doing to help get yourself to sleep? That's a really nice gift. I've heard. Now, tell me. Now, obviously, we're pro-float. Yes.

I really like a float. I've only been once, but it was really good. Actually, if someone doesn't know what the fuck we're talking about, can you explain it? Oh, so it's like a great point, actually. It's a sensory deprivation tank. So what it is is like those big pods filled with, like, really salty water.

So you float. You can't sink in it. You can't sink in it. You can't sink in it because it's really, really salty. And they put the lid down. And the ones at Beyond Rest, they're actually beautiful because you get a full room. So you're not just in a pod and then like there's the open world kind of thing.

You get your own room, your own shower, so you can wash your hair, wash everything off you, then you get in the pod and it, like, plays music for, like, 10 minutes and then it, like, slowly fades out and you just lay there for an hour, which I understand is probably really triggering some people's worst nightmares. Yeah. But it's actually really nice.

So some people claim, and, again, I'm pro-float, but I am dubious of this claim. Yeah. Some people go, oh again, I'm pro-float, but I am dubious of this claim. Yep. Some people go, oh, 45 minutes in the float tank equals about five hours sleep. Right. It'd have to be. Does it feel like that?

Yeah, because you just really switch off. I think they say most people do doze off in there, like have a bit of a sleep. I've done it once before and I did, yeah. The first time I went, I like really couldn't relax. And then now you've got a few goes so you can ease in. Yeah, but also I think I'm probably in a bit better place now than I maybe was when I went.

And now you know what to expect. Like you said, when you're in a tank full of water, it can freak you out if you don't know what to expect. And it's pretty dark and it's a bit spooky. Did you wear clothes when you floated? No. Okay, good. No, you do it naked.

Yeah. Oh, you could probably wear swimmers if you wanted to. Yeah, because I was sans clothes. Yeah. And then I had this moment when I was in there, I. No, you do it naked. Yeah. Oh, you could probably wear swimmers if you wanted to, but. Yeah, because I was sans clothes. Yeah. And then I had this moment when I was in there, I'm like, am I supposed to be naked? Tony, do you want to tell people what you just told me with that visual cue?

Do you? Well, I was like, I found it really hard to relax. We're not going floating together now. And I just was like laying there and I just like couldn't get relaxed. And so I just had a maz. In the fucking water. No, but they like. No wonder it's salty.

Merry Christmas. Tony Lodge. No, they. This is by far worse than anything you've ever said. They drained the water between all of them, so I knew it wasn't going to affect anybody else. And it was all good. Tony, this is worse than the towel.

No, there's no way. This is worse than you shitting on a towel. I didn't shit on the towel. There's no way this is worse. I'm not going to let you gaslight me into thinking this is worse. No way. Okay. Great gift, though.

Great fucking gift, actually. You can understand why I won't want to, for lack of a better word. We won't be in the same pod. For lack of a better word, come with you anymore. But see, it'd be weird if a boy did it. That would be too much. Why is that? That's sexist.

No, but, like, there's a bit more admin for a boy, isn't there? What do you mean? For a girl, there's no admin. What do you mean by admin? Well, you don't have to deal with any semen for a girl. Like, there's nothing, like, coming out, you know? Semen do their best work on the salty seas. Great presents, guys.

Great presents. I'm sorry that Bridget's already bought you the thing that I got you. But I don't have any more and I need it. I thought it was going to be, I was like, oh, this is going to fucking be awesome. It is. Ryan's going to love it. Yeah. You've got me something that's going to save heaps of time in my life.

I've got you a place where you can masturbate. I mean, we've done pretty well here today, I reckon. Kris Kringle is a success. Yeah. I don't know who got me, but I love the gift. Whoever secrets animals to me, you got me. Hey, what do you love to see, Tony Lodge?

I've got a Christmas based, you'll love to see it, of course, because it's Christmas on Saturday. It is a vet's sign that has gone a little bit viral online and it's got like, it says vet and then underneath it,

it says deck the halls and whack off some balls. But like neutering at Christmas. I mean, I like you do. I mean, I feel for him, but I love to see it. I like the sign, but it's just brutal. The poor doggies, yeah. I sometimes say to BJ, like when we go for a run at night, I'm like, come on, big nuts. And then Bridget goes, you can't say that to him.

He doesn't have any. Oh, yeah. And he gets embarrassed. Yeah, he would. Poor guy. Poor guy. You know what I love to see? What?

Crackle. Oh, like pork crackle? How good is pork crackle? Do you know what I like? When it's soggy. Like when it's got like the fat on the bottom. Like, you know, when sometimes you get crackle. This is worse than what you said about the float tank.

No. No, crackle is meant to be hard. No, it's like, you know, when it's really hard and like dry. Yeah. But then sometimes when you get it and it's got like the fat and like it's still like a bit chewy. A bit moist. Moist. I like it like that.

Okay, right. Yeah. Cool. Yeah. Okay. I thought you just meant like soggy. Like the whole thing. Well, I like soggy food. But it right. Yeah. Cool. Yeah. Okay. I thought you just meant like soggy, like the whole thing. Well, I like soggy food.

But it's crackle. It wouldn't be crackling. It would just be... Sog. Sog. You want some sog, mate? Do you want some crackle or some sog? Well, I associate Christmas Day with crackle because it's probably the only time of the year you have it.

Oh, really? Don't you guys do a pork roast during the year? No. Oh. Not really. It's like the only roast we do at home. Really? Pork roast.

Oh, that or Torbs will do like whole chicken, which is pretty fucking good as well. We have chicken, a big old chicken and yeah. But no, the crackle, when I'm like oh, it's a few days to Christmas, going to the aunties and uncle, crackle me up dog. Yeah, nice. It is time. Yeah, I'm feeling that. And a bit of a Christmas crackle.

A bonbon, like a Christmas cracker. Yeah, I love that. Well, it's Christmas. Merry Christmas, Tony Lodge. Merry Christmas. It's been a bloody big few months. Hey, it's not the end of the year. No, I know.

We're back next week, and next week it'll be the last week of the year, and you'll be like, oh, it's been a big year. Oh, okay. Well, I'll say it next week. But, yeah, just in case anybody thinks we're taking a break over Christmas. Not us, mate. We aren't. We aren't.

Maybe we should have a break next year sometime. Don't tell me what to do. Okay, great. I'll just have a float. Yeah. Instead of a break. It's basically like a week off. Week off to whack off in the float park. But I hope that everyone has a very safe and very merry Christmas. Hopefully you

can be with family. If not, hopefully you've found somewhere that you can be. But happy holidays as well. I know that there's lots of holidays across this period. But love to see it. Hopefully everyone's happy and safe. See you on Monday. Love you.

Love you, Tony. Thanks for the present. Merry Christmas. Or whoever had me. Or whoever had me. Meow-y Christmas. Meow.