Toni and Ryan - Ghosts Of Toni's Past

Episode Date: May 29, 2023

Confessions are back (If you've got a SPICY confession you need to get off your chest, we wanna hear about it COMPLETELY ANONYMOUSLY HERE!) and so are the ghosts of my past. Love ya! xoxoCheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Dr. Author Tony Lodge, and we are calling Canada and we're calling Vindy. Vindy? Hello? Hello, Vindy! Oh my God, Tony and Ryan! Hi, how are you, Vindy. Oh, my God, Tony and Ron. Hi, how are you, Vindy? I'm good.

How are you guys? Yeah, we're well. What have we interrupted? What have we caught you doing? Just at the end of my workday right now, actually. Oh, what do you do? Oh, working. I work as an HR analyst.

So I do all these fun reports and boring numbers. Smarter than us. Yeah. Yeah. Don't talk data around Tony. But Vindy, will you approve the podcast today? Oh, absolutely. Woohoo!

Yes. Oh, I analyzed that as a yes. Hey, this is Vindy from Calgary, Alberta, Canada, and I approve this podcast. All right, coming up today. I want to know, has your life ever felt like a movie? You know, like when you watch a beautiful movie and there's like all this stuff going on, you're like,

this has been written. Like you cannot make this up. Like it's just perfect, right? Sometimes I'll hear a song and go, this song feels like a song that would be like the montage moment of a movie. Or like if you're in the car in the back seat and like a sad song plays and you're like.

Yeah, and you're like. Angsty. Yeah. And then if something's popping off and then you're kind of like, oh, this would be like the pump-up montage and like. Or like the club scene when they all go out at the end together. Yeah. Is your life a movie?

Mm-hmm. Is it a horror? It's not good. Yeah. More of a drama than a comedy? I'm kind of like the B story that's happening at the same? It's not good. Yeah. More of a drama than a comedy? I'm kind of like the B story that's happening at the same time. Oh, okay. Yeah.

There's that other thing going on in the background. Yeah, a little bit like that. So it felt like a movie but not in a hot, fun way. Yeah. We'll get to that shortly. We'll get to that. All right, but first, Tuesday, let's do confessions. These are top confessions.

And people send their confessions through to tonyandryan.com.au. They are completely anonymous. Like we don't take any information from you. Oh, sorry. Someone messaged through with a great story that we'll share at some stage and said, oh, if you want me to show you this other thing, let me know. We can't. It's anonymous.

That we can't reply. It comes through a form. And they're like, oh, yeah, it was pretty crazy. I can show you the rest of it. And I was like, yeah, I'd actually love you too, but I can't. But I can't say yes. Yeah. Fuck.

Maybe they'll realise after hearing this and go, if that was you. Okay, if you were the guy with the story about the big pizza, send the photo. Oh, that sounds delicious. You'll regret saying that when you hear the story. Yeah, you'll regret that. But annoyingly, completely anonymous. Sneaky boyfriend confesses. Oh, no.

I've been faking house inspections so my girlfriend cleans up more. Sneaky B says they've been together for five years. I love her, but she's a messy bitch. So I created a fake email account and sent through info about an upcoming inspection. Oh, like a rent inspection, like when they come and make sure you're not cooking fucking drugs or something. Or just keeping the house clean or whichever reason you need to.

Oh, I thought you meant was being like they're selling the house. People are going to come and look at, view it. Like that's where my mind went to. Sorry. It's been on the market for five years. Yeah, and I was like how is that going to – yeah, so being like the real estate is going to come around and check everything out.

She gets cleaning right away and keeps the house in pristine condition until the inspection, which randomly is always on when she has something else on. So she never runs into the real estate agent. So she's working from the office that day and he goes, oh yeah, she came through and it was all good. All good. It works great, but I'm not sure how regularly we can have inspections until she catches

on. I'd like to have one a month. One a month. Oh, like surely at that point you'd be looking at bloody what is the thing guys vcat vcat you'd be getting them involved and going they're coming through a lot yeah you'd be looking at the lease and going it says here once every six months so they've been together they've been there for years and i think you know how after the first few years they kind of go every six months or a year like it gets yeah so they were out about six months and then they've come back into quarterly and he's like can i push it to

twice a quarter because she's still none the wiser see now that stress would be too much for me because before a rent inspection i'm like i just get so panicked and this is why i recommend it for your partner but because see the thing is i don't get panicked for an inspection so it wouldn't work i mean like we're getting an inspection, you better clean up, whatever. But you, Tony, there's an inspection in our work office next week. Oh, don't, because it just like actually panics me because I'm like, I think maybe I've been burned in the past with like a very strict, thank you, landlord or property manager who's come through

and been like, oh, the oven needs cleaning. I've been told that people have been like, oh, I've never had them look in the oven at a rent inspection, but I've had rent inspections where they've gone, oh, you haven't cleaned the oven very well. And so now whenever we have an inspection, I'm like panicking that we're about to be kicked out of our house. And Tom's like, that does not happen unless you are like squatting somewhere.

Have you ever got written up for something? No. So I've got one that's like, oh, hey, Ryan, we came through. It all looks good. Just the windows down the back are a bit dirty. Did they come back? No, then they go, so next time. Right.

Because I think they can go like, we'll come back next week and double check it. Yeah, because this was at a double story place, so washing the outside of an upstairs window is obvious. Oh, well how? So we just got a week before the next one, we just had a window cleaner, like a tradie guy, came in for an hour, $100. So it's not like, dirty window, get out.

They're just like, oh, the oven was a bit dirty, next time give it a clean. You go, okay. No, I couldn't do that. I'd be like, oh my God, they're going to come back and check it and whatever. They're going to come back and check it and whatever. They're going to come back with the riot squad. Yeah.

You know, dogs, guns drawn. They've got the SWAT gear on. Do you remember when I was telling you about how there was that leak in my backyard? Oh, yeah. Is that saga still continuing? I don't really know. We haven't really heard much about it.

But during that, like, the owner of our house, so we, like, have a property manager and stuff, but the owner of our house um so we like have a property manager and stuff but the owner is real cool and we get along with him well and um and like when we first moved in he was like i've actually got the spare keys rather than you guys going to the real estate me going to the real estate can do you want me to just drop around and drop them off and i was like bro of course like he's very respectful he never comes over unannounced but while all of the leaking stuff was going on, he was coming over quite a lot.

Every single time I was panicking because I was like, he's going to be like inspecting the house. And he just walks through. He's like, hey, guys, how you going? Where have you gone out to eat lately? Oh, have you been to the Vietnamese place down the road? It's fucking sick. Hey, see ya.

Like he's really cool. But every time he was coming over, I was like, Alex, oh, my God, like take the bin out. Put some pants on. Shit. But are we for sneaky boyfriend? Are we saying respect or are we saying it's a bit, I'm for it. I reckon it's genius.

It's kind of a victimless crime unless your girlfriend is like panicking. Then surely would you. Is lying to the love of your life? That's the thing. Is that a crime problem? You've been together for five years. I'm guessing that the idea is that they'll be together for a long while.

At what point are you then going to go, yo, you messy dude, and I don't really want to clean up your filth? Yeah. Like, surely that is- You passed that chat. You know, what's going to happen if they buy a house? They go, oh, no, the previous owners, that's quite normal for them to come around monthly.

Like what are you going to say then? So. Just every month your mother-in-law's coming and you've got to clean that house. So Tony and I will send links of houses to each other because Tony, not anytime soon, but starting to ponder about, you know, if it's possible to buy a house. And one time he sent me this house and I was like, oh, something you might be able to move.

Because it was an older place that maybe needed a bit of a scrub. And I was like, oh, you can probably change that floor or move the wall. And you went, do you reckon they'll let me? And I was trying to explain that it's like your house. But I just don't. You know when you. I get it. He's like, it's your place.

Yeah, but who's they? It's your place. Yeah. So you. I get it. He's like, it's your place. Yeah, but who's they? It's your place. Yeah. See, that freaks me out. You're the landlord of your own house. You're the boss. Yeah. You know the other week, the other week, you know when you had that baby.

Yeah. And you said that like when the nurse was like, yep, cool. So you just take her upstairs when you're ready. And you're like. Do I have to sign something? Do I need to talk to someone about moving, transporting this child? Are their parents cool with this? Yeah, does my mum need to say something?

Like, you know, what do I do? It's crazy. It feels like, what? You're like, why am I the boss of this? And if the dishwasher stops working, I've got to fix it. Yeah. That's the worst thing about owning a house. Yeah, I can't just call Glenn and he comes around and fixes it for me.

Hey, champion, something's wrong with the dishwasher. And there's a stack of your mail on the thing as well, by the way, if you want to take that. How many times, sorry, side note. Yeah. How many times can I get mail from the people that used to live at our house and I message and go, hey, I've got mail. Do you want me to drop it off?

And they just keep ignoring me. After a few times, is that just fucking bad luck? Just RTS, return to sender, pop it back in the mailbox. That's what I do. Do they actually take stuff out of the mailbox? What? Do you mean like in the post box or your actual letterbox? Yeah, like in the mailbox.

I thought you meant like back in your letterbox. Oh, my lanta. Absolutely not. That's what I was thinking. They take shit out of there. It's not two-way. Otherwise, how would they know what to take? That's what I was – okay.

Why am I going to the post office all the time to put things in my own fucking letterbox? All these questions you're asking, that's what I was about to start Okay, sorry. That's panicky time. Thank you for clarifying. I actually think that this is probably a really good question for our Facebook group. Yeah. What's enough? Yeah.

When does my duty end with a previous tenant or whoever's male? Can I also add something? Unrelated. Tony, you are enough. You are worthy. Is it the low-cut top again?

No, I just watched Good Will Hunting and I had that scene where he's like, it's not your fault. You are enough. You are worthy. Should I start crying? No. Okay. I did, though, because I just had a child and everything makes me cry.

Oh, yeah, you have been very emotional. It's been very nice to watch, though. Cam and I have really enjoyed it. I am looking forward to hearing the comments, though, about when is enough. I just want to know, like, what is the – when does your kind of, like, duty of care end? Yeah. Your, like – what's the word?

Like your responsibility of that person. Yeah. I've tried. I've done my best. Yeah, I think you have. Yeah, okay, thank you. Yeah. Have you ever gotten a parcel and you've gone,

fuck, that's from Amazon. It might be good. Obviously I haven't. Obviously I'm not going to admit it on the show. Next confession. Check out these shoes. Because here's a wise on the show. Next confession. Check out these shoes. Because here's a wise word for everyone. When you move house, update your Amazon.

Because you know how it remembers your address? Otherwise it automatically does it. It's the same in the iconic. Oh, it's got me before. I've sent it. I've sent stuff to an old work and had to go into an old work and gone, a bit awkward, but my ASOS package is here.

How have you guys been though? Yeah. Great to see you, yeah. I've actually got to go. You should catch up. No. No, I'd love to. I'm free last week.

This one is from Teaching a Lesson. Hi, Teaching a Lesson. Oh, kind of a bit of a theme. Actually, the last one's a recommendation. I reckon this could be a recommendation as well. I'm a high school teacher and I have a confession, which is also advice on how to get revenge on an annoying high school boy. That is not professional.

Luckily, this is a confessional. I'm a science teacher, which is great most of the time, but when the year 10 boys aren't into science but have to take the subject, it's a real punish for them, which means it's a real punish for me. And I get that tricky, like, mate, you just need to pass. I know you don't want to be here, dude. Let's just work together and get it done. I'll give you a B and just shut the fuck up. Do you reckon that Breaking Bad would have been good

for high school science teachers? Because then do you reckon that gets people into it because they go, oh, my God, they know sick shit. Well, the kids would respect the teacher because they're like, you're probably a meth dealer. And you probably got heaps of cash and going to kill me. Yeah, and then the students are probably like, if I pay attention, I could be a meth dealer

and I could get heaps of cash. Yeah, they could team up. I think that's great for science. Yeah, that is lovely. Every time I tried to help or check in with this one particular kid, he was just a real jerk. He was mean to other students and he was mean to the teachers. I understand that you might not be into science,

but at least do the common courtesy of just at least stay out of everyone else's way. Just be polite as well. Like, listen, sit down, shut the fuck up. But if you want to fail, that's fine, but don't make the other kids fail. Yeah, yep. One day he didn't have an assignment to hand in and he blamed me for never helping which after offering so many times was really triggering and deflating and he said it in the most spoiled entitled bratty way possible i can imagine fucking kids After processing what he said, I left a quiet but castra... Catastrophic.

What did I try to say? Castrosophic. Castrosophic. That sounds like esophageal spasm. I let out a quiet but catastrophic fart. I paused for a second and then walked away. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on.

Well, you didn't fucking help me. Or. Quiet. Or SBD, Silent But Deadly. I paused for a second and then walked off. The pure joy. What's that called? Crop dusting?

Yeah, crop dusting. Have you ever done it in the supermarket and you fart at one end and then you walk down and someone walks down and you go, oh, that milk must be. Oh, fuck. Someone's had eggs. The pure joy I got from watching other students berate and tease him mercilessly for dropping a dank fart made my fucking day.

The other kids gave him the nickname The Fart King, which, like the fart I dropped, hung around for quite some time. Fuck. At what point does the bully become the bullier? Yeah. Fuck. At what point does the bully become the bullier? Yeah.

Look, the teacher basically didn't do anything wrong, but probably not great to, you know, not endorse. He obviously didn't endorse the bullying, but that does suck. But, I mean, this kid was bloody, you know, giving everyone a rough trot. It's probably, yeah, oh, I don't know. I'm on the fence. But, like, I don't know. What do you think? Yeah, you can't help but feel like with the kid,

maybe it's not about the science. Yeah. There's obviously something else going on, but I get that when someone's just fucking rubbing you the wrong way. The fact that he's a dick about it. Yeah. He was like, well, you didn't help me. He deserved to be crop dusted.

Yeah. The crop dust is funny, but it is a sprinkle that people are like, ew, you farted. The fart king lives on. The fart king. The fart king is not even like a good nickname. It's not. Oh, look out, guys.

The fart king's in town. Yeah, like, it's such a shit nickname. Don't let the fart king in the biology lab. No one spark a light. Yeah, hell, where's the fart queen? You know, like, it's just so stupid. Is the fart king awarded at prom? The fart king.

Is that the king and queen of the ball? And runners up is the fart king. You know how like on American TV or like whatever, it's like the sofa king and it's like the biggest sofa shop in Chicago or whatever. But she's like, she's like, it's reminding me of that. Best farts in town. Yeah.

The fart king nickname is more criminal than the fart was to begin with. And to be fair, the teacher didn't give the nickname or endorse it. That's just natural. Fart kids are not that creative, eh? But if you know anyone called the Fart King in Brisbane, you know where that name came from. You can't say Brisbane. It's still anonymous if you give information.

They told me. I'm just reading what they said. Okay. All right. The Fart King lives on. Hey, this is Indy from Calgary, Alberta, and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive shout out to a few of our champion tapas over at our Patreon.

Nate Yates. Nate Yates. Not bad. James Thompson. Hope. Tomo. James Richardson and Emma Orgovanyi. Orgovanyi. Orgovanyi.

Orgovanyi. Thank you very much. On Thursday, big launch. Big launch. Watch this space. Very exciting. Yeah. People are going to be happy.

Big time. I'm happy. I'm always happy, though. Are you happy? Yeah. Are you happy? Yeah, because my life's like a movie. Oh, yeah, please.

I've given myself another theme song. That's fun. I think that's going to catch on. Everyone's like, okay, moving right along. The other week, Torbs and I went to a stand-up show. Yep. And it's like starts at, you know, 4 p.m. or something.

So it's like. Oh, like a matinee. Yeah, kind of. And you just like you get let out and it's like still light outside. It's weird. It's kind of weird because it's not nighttime. It's too early for dinner. It's whatever.

It's salt and pepper squid now. It is actually the perfect way to describe it. Anyway, so we don't go out and do a lot of stuff. Like I think we've got that hangover from COVID still. Same, yeah. Where we kind of go, oh, well, we can't go out. We can't do anything. But, like, we actually can.

And we're like, you know what? Nah, we'll go and watch this show. It's something we both like. We'll go and do it and then, you know, maybe we'll go for a wine afterwards or something. So a bit like what I was talking about the other week, like it's that main character energy of like getting dressed up and doing something really nice.

And because we don't go out a lot, because both of us like to stay in, we're real homebodies, it is like such an event and you just like, you really get excited and this is where the like life feeling like a movie comes in. You've got that main character energy. You're looking hot. Do you wear sexy underwear? I can't remember.

Yeah, I think I was wearing like a lacy bra. Yeah. Yeah. Because you get I'm wearing sexy underwear energy. Yeah, it does. And then you go like, oh, if I look this good on the outside, wait till you see what's underneath. Because I've noticed it's sort of that like a spring in the step.

Yeah, it is. You know the cliche of like, oh, someone got lucky last night. For Tony, it's like, oh, she's fucking got her A game on under there. Yeah. I can tell. Thank you. Yeah, I can see it in your face. Can you?

Yeah. Can you see it now? No. I'm not wearing sexy underwear. Yeah, nice. That's so good. Anyway, so I was kind of feeling hot because, yeah, we're going out together and it's nice, like date night,

like Pippa's at home, you know, kids are at home. Getting babies with us. Yeah. Anyway, and so it's real movie vibes. We're having a great time looking at each other all ooey-gooey. And as we're lining up to get into the comedy show, there's this guy next to us that I recognise. Yeah.

And I realise it's my old therapist. Oh. Which, like, under normal circumstances, you kind of, like, hey, oh, my God, like, how are you? And then you kind of move on, right? Is that the guy you headbutted in the dick? It is. Yeah.

Yep. So that was the last time I saw him was when I headbutted him in the penis. Yep. But the last time. Can I asterisk? Not on purpose. Tony tripped and fell.

Oh, yeah, tripped and fell. And he opened the door at the same time I was going to leave something at the door. The full story is in my book. Unfortunately, that was quite a few years ago. But that wasn't actually the last time I talked to him. And he hasn't talked to me, me though because semi-recently, probably about three months ago, I actually emailed him to be like, hey, like just wondering if I would be able to come back

and do some sessions. Like not for any, just like maintenance. Absolutely. I just kind of was like, yeah, you know, I feel like I could probably stand to have like a third party person just kind of like to, you know, sounding board. I would equate it to going to the gym. Yeah, that third place thing.

Oh, but even just like just because you're already fit doesn't mean you don't have to keep going to the gym. Completely. Exactly right. So you messaged him. Did he message you back? I didn't hear anything back from him. So what I'm assuming, like I'm not that self-indulgent that I assume that he's like ghosting me.

Yeah. I'm guessing it's like ghosting me. Yeah. I'm guessing it's like gone to a different email address or maybe he doesn't work at that place anymore or something. What was the name of your book? I Don't Need Therapy. Do you reckon he saw that as a blight on his profession? He went, fine, fuck you. Fuck you, bitch.

Yeah, maybe actually. Oh, well, there's another thing to be anxious about. We have to talk about that with a therapist if you can fucking get into one. I've been shunned by the therapy community. Big therapy. Big therapy. This bitch is writing hate crimes about our whole profession. She goes, well, if she doesn't fucking

need us and fuck her, often they've dusted their hands of me. Anyway, so because immediately I see him, all these feelings come flooding back of me being like, oh my god, I've been ghosted by this guy. I wrote a book that said I don't fucking need you. I've cried on this couch for about 57 times. Stop saying the C word, please.

Yeah. Leave that out. Thank you. That's what happens when you become a dad, I guess. Drop and seize. Anyway, so like I said, under normal circumstances, I probably would have just like walked over and be like, hey, mate. Hey, Ben.

And then kind of moved on because like obviously it's like a professional relationship. But I was like, I don't know if I can see him. He probably hates me. How embarrassing. Anyway, so like we walk into the show and I'm kind of rattled because I'm like, oh, I've seen this. I was flying high.

I was really good. We go into the show and I was a little bit tense about it. I actually messaged producer Cam. I was like, I'm going into a stand-up comedy show and I've just seen my therapist in real life. Like, does that not feel like exactly what would be in a stand-up comedy show? Yeah.

Like, oh, I bumped into my therapist. It feels like Bridget Jones energy. Yeah. And that's the thing. That's why I was like, it kind of felt like a movie because I was like, you can't write this stuff, you know. Anyway, and so we go in. Well, you did in a book. Yeah. Blinding this whole industry. But, you know, you can't write this stuff, you know. Anyway, and so we go in. Well, you did in a book.

Yeah. Blinding this whole industry. But, you know, you can't write it. You can't write it. Anyway, and so we watch the show. It's great. We get let out and it's still light outside. And we go, why don't we go for a drink?

I kind of see him walking out and he kind of goes in one direction. I go, well, let's go the fucking opposite way. And we're just like walking around looking for a wine bar, walk into this place, and the waiter kind of comes over and goes like, oh, I'll be two minutes kind of thing. And we're like standing there. I look to my right and he's sitting there with the same group of mates that he watched the show with.

He's sitting in this one. And we've walked around for like 10 minutes. So obviously we went one way and then he ended up like circling back kind of thing. And he's sitting there and I'm like, like we can't, like he's definitely going to, if we're sitting in the same wine bar, like he's obviously going to see us. And wine bars aren't like big.

No, they're just little. Yeah. And I was like, there's no way we can get away with this. And I just thought, I just don't want it to be awkward. He ghosted me. Like he probably didn't. It was probably just a communication error but like yeah yeah so I'm like how awkward let's go so we walk out and I'm like thank god I've gotten myself out of that like perfectly written like comedy scenario we walk down the road and we find this other place to go and it's like pretty packed and there's like a line-up of people,

like probably three groups of people in the line before us. And we're like, look, we'll just try our luck. Like we might as well. We get to the front of the line and the waiter. He's the therapist. It's the back door to the same place. No. I get to the front of the line and the waiter seating people

at the maitre d' or whatever, he goes, oh, my God, Tony. And I kind of look at him and I realise, like, I know this guy. Yeah. We used to hook up. Oh, wow. Years ago, obviously, in Perth. What's his name? I'm not at liberty to say.

Why? Because he does not have a name? His name is... Is he now? He's moved on? Like he's got a family and shit? Oh, he's like engaged now, I think. Yeah, good for him.

Yeah. And were you guys like left on good terms? Well, so instantly I recognised him. Was there any crossover? No, no, no, no, no, not like that. Okay. But so we were hooking up for a while because we kind of, our paths crossed in a work capacity.

Yes. And then we were hooking up for probably a year. Oh, so it wasn't like, yeah, righto. a year. Oh, so it wasn't like, yeah, righto. And we stopped talking. Because on, I can't look at you while I say this, because on New Year's Eve, I got really drunk and messaged him and told him I really liked him and he didn't reply.

So he ghosted me. So you said, we've been doing it for a year, let's be boyfriend and girlfriend. So we had been doing it for- And he said, well, you can call me your future therapist because I'm ghosting you. We weren't doing it for- We probably hooked up a few times over about a year.

And then I really liked him, was waste on New Year's, and I messaged him. I think he messaged me being like, happy New Year. And I was like, I love you. Like, it's not good he didn't message back right away or like ever i don't think we like talked again we're still friends until i bumped into him with torbs at this place right so you've been so we're still friends on facebook so i like know what he's like well you're obviously best mates then no no no what

i'm saying is like so i know that he's like still a person, but I just, you know, it wasn't as if I was just like, who the fuck is this person? Are you saying that there's two people in your whole life that have straight up ghosted you and you've had to deal with them in two wine bars in 10 minutes? Well, yeah, that's exactly what's going on. And so in my mind instantly I'm thinking about like, oh, my God,

we used to hook up. I'm here with my boyfriend. He's now engaged or something. So it wasn't like that. It was just more like fucking, like, can I catch a fucking break? Let's go to a third wine bar. Instantly though. It's Ryan's birth mum.

And then my mum walks in. Speaking of being ghosted. The original ghost. Anyway, anyway. Wow, we've all got something going, don't we? So, like, my brain is going, like, a mile a minute. No, that's quite slow. A million miles a minute.

My brain is like, I'm like, oh, my God, I haven't seen this guy since he ghosted me. I told him I liked him. I'm here with my new boyfriend, whatever. New boyfriend. Fucking hell. Look at me. I'm a mess. Which is worse. Are with my new boyfriend, whatever. And he goes, fucking hell, look at me. I'm a mess. Which is worse.

Are you like, I'd rather sit with the therapist than the other one. That's less bad than this guy. Yeah, I'm like, you know what? We'll go to the other place. Where's the front door? I know it's been 10 years, but just to let you know, I have, in fact, retracted that statement. Yeah, and that was kind of. I'm not still asking you out.

It was as if, like, the ghost of me sending that text was, like, in the air. You know, I was like, oh, how embarrassing. So did you have an answer? Was it a yes or a no? Yeah yeah so did you want to go out because i'll ditch this zero yeah and get with the hero anyway anyway my plan b over here i know you gave the diamond to another girl but um if that's not working out you let me know so um instantly i'm like, fuck, holy shit. And obviously I went, hey, yeah, hi. And he gives me this massive hug. He's such a nice guy.

I mean, you don't just profess your love for anyone. Of course he's a nice guy. Exactly. Anyway, he gives me this massive hug and I'm like, oh, this is my boyfriend, Alex. He goes, Alex, great to meet you, mate. I'm Jake. Fuck. Great to meet you, mate.

I'm Jake. You can't even think of a fake name. I can't think of a fake name mate. I'm Jake. Fuck. Great to meet you, mate. I'm Jake. You can't even think of a fake name. I can't think of a fake name. His name's Jake. I've just remembered that you're looking a million dollars tonight. Did that help running into an ex? Well, because I'm looking pretty good. Yeah, you're looking really good.

And I've got the sexy underwear energy. Anyway, I'm like, oh, this is my new boyfriend, Alex. And he's so tall. Yeah, he's beautiful. He was taller than Jake as well. Oh, that's a power play. Which is good, yeah. Anyway, and he goes, oh, my God, how have you been?

Haven't seen you in so long. Oh, just long enough for you to go off and get famous, like quite loudly. And so it's quite a packed restaurant. All these people kind of turning around expecting to see like an actual celebrity. And I was like, well, who the fuck am I? Like, I'm not Joel Creasy or something. Is that that bitch that fell over at that food show last week? Yeah, you look poor.

That's not good. Anyway, and I kind of like awkwardly laugh and he goes, anyway, like do you guys have a booking? And I was like, oh, no, we just thought we'd try our luck. And he goes, well, you're not that famous. We don't have room for you. After everybody's already like looking. He draws the attention in just to make it even worse.

Everybody's looking at me and it kind of sounds as if I've gone like, well, surely you have a table for me. You're not that famous. Get out of my bar. And he like said it as a joke, but he said it quite loudly. There's all these people around. That's so embarrassing. I'm like, hi, yep, all good.

Great to see you. Like, thanks so much. Then, like, you have to do the walk of shame. Back out. Back out. Like, we haven't got a table. We've been rejected from this place. Wait till I tell my therapist about this in two minutes when I go back to the bar.

Yeah, because I've got to go and see him. I'm calling him, hoping he doesn't ghost me again. And we walk out and Tobbs is, like, smoking. I was like, yeah, we used to have sex with each other. He's like, oh, yeah, I could tell. He's like, that has not gone unknown. Yeah, and so basically is that not just like a stand-up special writing itself?

It is, please. Well, maybe put that in your next book. I just could not believe both in the one, like fucking hell. With your next book, who do you want to slander in the title? Oh, my God. Reasons You Don't Need Baristas and Other Wives. the one like fucking hell with your next book who do you want to slander in the title oh my god reasons you don't need baristas and otherwise i actually have just gotten very good at frothing my own milk is that a euphemism that's like tickets oh she's frothing her own milk can we start saying that that's very funny funny. She froths her own milk. Yeah, she's frothing her own milk. Yeah, we can. Anyway.

Well, speaking about life being a movie, my love to see it is an old movie that I reckon is underrated. And because waking up at random hours with the baby and we're at home a lot, sort of Netflix is just like on in the background with stuff. Have you seen the movie About Time? No. So it's got Rachel McAdams and some redhead guy and Bill Nighy, but not the science one.

I think I was thinking of Dear John, which is a different thing. Okay. Well, this is like the guys in the family can like go back in time. Oh, that's cool. And like change some things in the past. Oh, so it's like a sci-fi. No. It's Richard Curtis who did Love Actually and stuff.

Yeah. I don't know what that is. Well, it is technically sci-fi because of the time travel, but it's a very like cute family couple-y quirky little movie. Yeah. Is it really sad? Is that why you're both looking at me like this? No, like I'm actually saying it's a recommendation.

Right. But more of a, maybe not full recommendation because I want to be careful. I don actually saying it's a recommendation. Right. But more of a, maybe not full recommendation because I want to be careful. I don't want to waste a recommendation. Yeah. But one of those like, oh, this was better than it.

Like, I didn't really know much about this movie and it's actually like kind of nice. And I don't know. So is your You Love to See It you kind of love to see it because the movie was kind of nice? Fuck, you know what?

I'm backing it in. Okay. It's a full recommendation. Good. About, fuck. Well, yeah? I'm backing it in. Okay. It's a full recommendation. Good. About, fuck you. Well, I'm sorry. No, you're right. You're right.

But should we, the standard you walk past is the standard you accept. And you won't accept any less than that. Thank you. The movie is called About Time. Yep. Go watch it. Let me know what you think. Great.

I did, and I don't know if again, because I'm emotional, but I welled up at the end. Oh, I cried all the time. And I won't give any spoilers. It's like not, it's like, it's beautiful tears. Okay. Not like a heart rain.

Okay, don't say any more because you'll fuck it up, but yeah, I'll watch it. It's a great movie. Okay. It's like a feel good, like a loving one. Like afterwards,

you'll go give Torbjorn a big hug. Oh, that's nice. Yeah. And all the other boys that have ghosted me in the past. That's a great, is that a movie title? There's a movie called To All The Boys I've Loved Before.

Yeah, maybe that's what it is. Yeah. What about, is there a famous person? Oh, the book will be called A Letter to Robert Pattinson and All The Other Guys Who Ghosted Me. Oh. And All The Boys Who Ghosted Me Before. That's really embarrassing.

Yeah, it really is. What do you go? You love to see it. I love to see it. Victor Drozda in our Facebook group posted it and said, oh, it's a start the fucking blog story, which is very exciting. I'm struggling with various health problems for quite some time. Sorry to hear that, Victor.

But after start the fucking blog came into my life, I thought, yep, that's exactly what I need. So I started something I've always wanted to try, creating music. Hell yeah. Now I'm hoping to release my first EP by the end of May, so very, very soon, 2023. And it's been great fun. Thanks, Tony Lodge, for all that motivation.

Isn't that so great? You fucking love to see that. Did he mention my name in there at all? No. Okay. He actually does mention Osher Gunzberg, though, because he talks about how that's where he saw a reel about me talking about Start the Fucking Blog.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so the Tony and Osher podcast now available. Yeah, it sounds pretty inspiring. Sorry, Mashie and Osher. Yeah, it sounds very inspiring. I'd love to hear it. No, you do love to see that though. You love to see that.

Good on you, Victor. Fucking love that. Yeah. Thank you so much for listening. Thursday morning. Yep. You're going to love it. And you're going to see a lot of us.

And I don't mean in like volume. I mean like you're going to see it. It might be a hot underwear day. Oh, yeah, righto. Gather round, boys. Here's what you're missing. All right, chat to you soon. Love you, bye.