Toni and Ryan - Hard Snake On A Plane

Episode Date: August 12, 2025

[VIDEO FOR THIS EP AVAILABLE ON YOUTUBE] Canadian's are the nicest people in the world - Accidently Stealing A Car - Horny movie - love ya!!!!!Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcastHALARA UNIQUE LINK  - Get 10% off with code TARP10 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You watched that on a plane? I watched that on the flight over here. Oh no. It's so much sex. Did you have a bonner? Did you have a stalk on? The whole movie. Did you actually?

I was lightheaded. Now we're all friends here. Did you? You asked me point blank on the flight over and I was like, if only you knew the trauma I'd been through. Tell me honestly, did you jerk off on the plane? Hi, I'm Lou. I'm from Newcastle, New South Wales. I'm Ian from Detroit, Michigan.

Hi, I'm Ann Tucker from Gabriel's New York. And I approve this podcast. It's Wednesday, Mother Tappas. How do we all feel about that? I like it. I saw someone say it in the Facebook group the other day and I went, I'm taking that. Happy hump day, Mother Tappers.

Welcome back to the Airbnb in Vancouver. It's a pleasure to have you with us today. We are loving Canada because Canadians are the, you know how some stereotypes are just like stereotypes? Yeah. Is it fair to say that Canadians genuinely are the nicest people? They're really, really lovely, yeah. Now, I've got a couple of news stories here just to really show how caring they are.

Topical. Um, a car thief. Okay. This is one of the great crimes. This is from Nova Scotia. Oh, yep. A Nova Scotia woman had her car stolen. Oh.

The thief then returned the car later that day with a full tank of petrol and an apology letter. Oh. Hey, sweetie. Sorry, my bad. I know you've probably had a stressful day, but I filled it up. I'm really sorry. I reckon. getting your car stolen

would just be the the craziest thing like the feeling of walking out to your driveway and being like it's gone. There's no car there. Like,

I think my mum had her car stolen once. Really? Yeah. And then it was like she could, like the police got it but they didn't have it back for months because it was like. Because then they take it

for evidence or whatever. Yeah. Because I think like they had a bit of a joy ride after or something and it was the whole thing. So then what does your mom do in the meantime? I think we're not to get to a high car or a thing or just like get a lift and like figure it out like it was back in the

day yeah that would be such a pain in the ass yeah and they were kind of like oh we don't really care about the theft we just put the car back because it's so annoying yeah and because you can't just go and get another one yeah well like you can't just go and buy a new car because especially if the other one's coming back you're like well there's nothing like you can't get an insurance pay out because the car's not gone anymore we got it back like so you actually wouldn't be You'd be fucked. Now, here's the catch of this story in Nova Scotia. Now, you know how you claim that you can't accidentally fuck twins?

Yes. A lot of people think you can. Tony thinks you can't. You definitely can't. So, this guy... I mean, like, you can fuck twins, but not like accidentally. You can't go, oh, sorry, I've accidentally fucked my wife's twin. There's been a lot of stories of this and Tony doesn't believe it.

Anyway, this guy goes... and fills up his car with petrol, walks back out, gets in the car and drives off, and it's not till he's, like, down the highway that he realizes he's got into, like, the same model of car as his, but it's not his car. So imagine you're filling up your Audi at the servo.

Someone else is filling up their Audi, and as you're both in for paying, he's gone back out, got into your car, thinking it was his and just drove off. How do you have the keys? Well, there's a lot of... So I've got so many questions? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And so that's what the person, they're like, I don't know how it worked, blah, blah, blah, fucking Keyless. Like, once the car started, like, it's all good or some bullshit. I don't know, but he realized later that day that, like, it wasn't his car. He's like, oh, where's my start? Oh, why is that? That's not my. And then he's like, I don't think this is my car. No way.

So he goes back to the service station and goes, oh, do you know, and she goes, oh, yeah, this lady had her car stolen. Fucking, she left her details, blah, blah, blah. And so then he drops it off and feels. So was his Audi just sitting there? They must have out. Yeah, I don't know. Don't, I don't know. No.

So the headline in the Nova Scotia paper was car thief accidentally steals wrong car, returns it with fuel tank. Full tank. Fuck. No, he took the fuel tank out. Chopped it. That is, there's just no way in my mind that that could happen. Because you know when you sit in your car.

straight away whether it's yours. It just feels different. Also, the keys. Too many questions. Like, that's just crap. I cannot believe. Obviously, just, yeah, like one of those freak things. Now, Tony, if there was a big black bear in your backyard.

Yep. And it had its two cubs with it. And it was eyeing off you, your partner and your children. Yeah. What would you do? But your natural reaction, you're out there. There's a bear there. Probably, like, slowly back.

into the house. Yep. And be like, shh, shh, shh, shh. Get into that house. Get into the house. This polite Canadian, Jordan Coot is his name.

Not George. And he lives in, this sounds like a joke. Jordan Coot lives in Soak in British Columbia. Oh. He didn't yell. He didn't panic. He didn't back off slightly.

He just said, excuse me, Bear. I hope you didn't. Hey, aye, aye, aye, didn't you say he's from Canada? I don't know how to do a Canadian accent. You got it. Can you do it? No, you tell them straight.

I don't do the... You do it. Let me send it to you. No, you got it. You got it. Oh, I just deleted something. How do I undo? Oh, no.

How do you control Z when there's no keyboard? I think if you shake the iPad. Yeah, if you shake it, it should say undo. I'll have to go back to Good from me Around the world Does that work in the US though I've done it on my phone before

I use it on my phone heaps I hope you enjoyed my yard But I'm afraid you're You're going to have to wish you a good day And have you on your way Kind bear So he's an expat He's an Australian living in Suke

Yes Give it a go Just give it a go It's going to sound like a Kiwi or a South African Just give it a go I hope you enjoyed my yard That's had a British

No it sounded Australian But in like a crocodile Dundee I hope you enjoyed my yard But I'm afraid I'm gonna have to wish you a good day And have you on your way, Mr Bear you sounded like an Australian from the Simpsons that sounded like an American I sounded like Blinky Bill

I was going to push on from that story Oh, how do you say Saskawatchewan Saskatchewan A Saskatchewan ranching couple Couldn't believe their eyes When 150 cattle rocked up in their backyard Imagine my surprise It turns out

A little beaver Had herded them From a nearby farm The little guy Waddled along like a tiny foreman And the cows obediently trailed behind Like he'd done the morning roll call Forget sheep dogs

Canada's got beaver cowboys now Do you know what What race the cows were What? Cowanadian that is that's pretty funny that will be the second best pun of today's show what's the first best we haven't heard it yet

a goat was arrested at a Tim Horton's You've got to be kidding A goat was arrested at Tim Hortons in Martinsville Saskia Wachian Saskatchewan A goat broke in and refused to leave after he escaped the University of Saskatchewatchin rodeo. Oh, kids these days.

The police were called and they took him downtown to the station and put him in a cell. No. He was returned to the rodeo the next day. Turns out he only spent a few hours behind bars. Didn't you say it was a goat? What sound do they make? Bar is a sheep Fuck

Like a goat sounds like a E, but it's not a bar A sheep was arrested at Tim Hortons Oh no, no, none of my puns You must be joking EWE There's the ghost There it is

Hi, I'm Lou, I'm from Newcastle, New South Wales Hi, I'm Ian from Detroit, Michigan I'm Amanda from Gabriel's New York. And you're listening to Tony and Ryan. Today's episode is brought to you by Audible. And let me tell you, Audible's romance collection has something for every side of you. We're talking modern rom-coms from authors like Lily Chu and Ali Hazelwood,

the latest Romantasy series from Sarah J. Maas and Devney Perry, Regency favourites like Pride and Prejudice, plus all the really steamy stuff. Maybe you're into hockey hunks, ooh, or sexy billionaires. Like Tony Lodge. Yeah. Or, not that she's into it, she is a sexy billionaire. Or forbidden realms. Oh, and you know what I'm saying?

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Sharon Field. She'll be Sharon afield with 150 cattle. She'll be Sharon around the mountain. Field, field. Shanda. What's going on over there with your iPad? I'm just getting something ready for you. Okay.

Shanda Borja's. Thank you, Shanda. Oh, it was such a Shanda. Shandabajan, go to them. Tracy, good on you. Julia Camilleri, and it's not Kalamari. But even though I reckon Julia probably wouldn't ruin your dinner,

but she would make your afternoon. Ah, ah, ah, ah, is just three hours. Cinnamon Beaverhausen, good on you, cinnamon. Joshua Pick, love you, Joshua, and Bethany Cameron. Thank you very much to being part of our Patreon. Joining us on this hump day, we love to see it. Love to say it. Um, question for the team.

Question for the team. Have you guys seen Baby Girl, the Nicole Kidman movie? What's Baby Girl? It was an A24 film. It came out like around Christmas. He's fucking, she's fucking... The intern. Yeah.

Zach Ephron. No. Doesn't she fuck Zach Ephron in a movie? Yeah, but no, this is a younger guy and... Harris Dickinson? Harris Dickinson, yeah. Have you heard of... Have you seen it, Lil?

I saw it at the movies and... is it spooky it's not good oh no it's just the most uncomfortable movie i've maybe ever watched in my life oh but that's good they say like when you hate a character it means the actors good of their job oh not like that we it's it's a horny film oh yeah like very like but not in a good way it was yeah i don't know how to describe that but just not in a good way like i was tense the entire time um sexually tense like turned on tense it's like, it's very,

it's confusing. Well, the movie, I mean, it's about many things, but one of them is like the power imbalance really. And it's sort of like,

of her being the boss and. Yeah, but it's sort of the other way around because he's like, I could make one phone call and end your career. Oh, so he's like blackmailing her. No,

but it's just like a dom sub relate like. Oh, okay. Oh, so it's like a kinky thing. Yeah, but it's like, oh.

Yeah. kinky but also like what is it when you have you seen those videos do you want to watch a trailer yeah do you want to watch a trailer or have you seen videos of people drinking milk or standing in the corner

oh Tony's lost it okay what's happened Lodge we were talking about the power dynamics of the female boss the young boy Charles looked at me we locked eyes somebody winked someone winked and it was just all downhill from there

I'd love to watch a trailer Okay here we go Being a CEO means being a collaborator And you have to be at work Everyone is just waiting for me to buckle So she's married. Is now a good time to introduce the interns? Yeah.

Hey, how'd you get that dog to time down? I gave it a cookie. You always have cookies, aren't you? Why do you want one? Ooh. Okay. So can you give me like a quick couple of words summation of like whether she's into it or nah? Or it's just like confusing or she doesn't want to do it and he's like making her do it?

the other way around. She knows that morally she shouldn't. Yeah. But she wants to win it some stages. And it's not really a story driven movie. It's more about the characters and the relationship. But like, she's obviously like, we shouldn't do this. And he's like, but are you sure?

And she's like, and Lil, do you reckon a third to a half of the movie is just like them fucking and being awkward in a room? Oh, so it's lots of fucking. Half or more. There is no plot. You saw the plot in the trailer. Yeah. It's just them fucking and like.

Like, there's no more character development than that, which is what shit is me about it. Yeah. But it's, how long is it? It's a few hours. And it's just like, a lot of the scenes is like just them being like, I thought this is what you wanted. And it's like, oh, I don't. And then, you know, there's a. And then they're into it.

And then they're like, and there's a cool song plays and they're, and there's really cool music and stuff. And he's like, he's, he's, he's hot as fuck though, hey, Harris Dickinson. The reason I knew he existed is because he was a guest with, uh, on. hot chicken shop date. Oh, yep. And I'm like, who's this guy?

Why is he on? Oh, I was in a movie Nicole Kidman. So I go, great. I get on the plane on Quantus and I go,

that's the guy from chicken shop date. I'll watch the movie with Nicole Kidman. And I, you watch that on a plane? I watched that on the flight over here. Oh, no. And all I knew was,

oh, that guy's been on chicken shop date. Cool. It's so much sex. and I was... And you're like trying to shield your screen for the person next to you'd be like, oh... Yeah, when people were walking past,

I was like, hell nervous. But then once I'd started watching it, it was so uncomfortable because of the movie, but I was like... I have to see... I couldn't stop watching it. Yeah. Isn't it like...

Now we're all friends here. Now, it was a... It was a horned up movie. We're all friends here. And there was chat in the Airbnb last night about who did or did, not jerk it on a plane. We're not going to out anyone,

but lots of people in the room have done that in the past. We've all done it in the past. Lily, Lily claims she hasn't. I have not. Okay, some of us are honest. Did you? And because you said to me,

did you, you asked me point blank on the flight over, did you? Yeah. And I... It's a long flight. It's a long flight. No, but because I was...

Didn't want to talk about this movie yet. I, having watched that movie... Couldn't not. And then you asked me that and I was like, if only you knew the trauma I'd been through. So, you did. What I'm saying is, is that anyone who's watched that movie... I can't believe you saw it in a cinema with other people in the room, Lil.

Did you go home and have sex? No, it does... No. It did. nothing for you. I saw it. Oh, it did lots for me. I saw it with two friends and we were like, should we have gone together?

Like, that was, oh. If I saw that in the cinema, I'd be song, because there'd be other people in them. Like, do we all fucking jerk off together now? Yeah. I feel like that's weird. Like, if you were watching an adult video, but just like. Why did you judge it to me? If any, the royal youth.

Yeah. Like, an adult film is something you'd watch in the privacy of your own self. As in, like, if you were watching. Watching porn. Yeah. It was as if I was watching porn on a fucking full airplane. Yeah. And the thing that some people sat in a fucking hoit.

Yeah. And watched it as a collective. Yeah. There was like old ladies next to me. Oh, they would have fucking loved it. That wasn't popcorn they were reaching for. The end of it. There was a hole in the bottom of their popcorn.

Oh, yummy. The end of it. It's stuck in the bottom. Oh. Oh, we're on YouTube, aren't we? People saw that. There's some, like the dog in the, trailer that you would have seen there's a part in the end with a dog that just really gave me

the ick they don't say anything but like yeah um i think is she like being treated like that because he would like he'd come and take this food out of my hand yes and she like crawled over and a like it's like a yeah but the way that yeah it's fucking weird they just they try to push shame the yeah we're not yucking anyone's yum i was kink barred yeah so tell me honestly did you jerk off on the plane I didn't, but I thought about it. And I, to the point where... Just say you did.

No, but to the point where I actually, when we were talking last night, I was like, a fair bit of space and though, you know, I was like, the bathrooms were pretty big on that plane. Because I kind of got in there, I was like, like, I was sizing it up. I was like, I probably could. Did you have a Bonner? Did you have a stalk on? The whole movie. Did you actually?

I was, I had to get so much, like, I was lightheaded. Did you really? The movie goes for so long. hour of 54. An hour 54. That's a long time. Yeah. So did you jerk off?

Just say you jerked off. Because did you? None of us is going to judge you. No, but I wish I had off. I wish you had off too. Yeah. Just because it would have been a great story.

Yeah, nah, but it just the, what I, I'm not even going to recommend the movie, but what I'm definitely going to recommend is, if you do watch it, don't watch it on a fucking plane.

Watch it somewhere alone. Or, Tony, you haven't seen the movie. I haven't seen the movie. Charles, I'm not jerking you off. What I'll say, Tony Lodge, is that Lily is obviously given a slightly different review to me. I know that. But we know that she lies. Yeah.

Oh, I've never jerked off on an aeroplane. You know, we know she lies. She has a tendency to lie. Maybe she loved the movie. How do you character assassinate Lily like that? Just tell them like I say it. What I know about you, Tony Lodge. Yeah.

Is that you love a bad boy. Nah, but that's not for me. Nah. And actually, when I was just watching that trailer, I was like, that does nothing for me. I do not like that. It makes me uncomfortable. Like, it's not for me.

I reckon you should watch it on the flight home. No. I do not accept your challenge. I, because I felt the same watching like, um, we watched the first 50 Shades of Grey movie. Like when it came out,

like first came to streaming or you can first download it or whatever. Um, and I remember watching that and feeling like, oh, like this is not, it's not for me. I'm, it's not like,

not to yark any one's yam. Don't give a fuck what you do, but it's not for me. and then so watching stuff like that and even watching that trailer I'm just like oh and it's not for me I read a review that said because of the topics

a lot of people will compare it to 50 shades of grey the difference with this movie is the main characters actually have incredible chemistry oh really okay yeah I will oh

there's a totally just nearly chat us up because someone's knocked on the door we've had a brief intermission because the Uber Eats has arrived so we're about to we're about to eat and as we just had a brief intermission

Charles like gets up against the door and Lily's like oh hang on let me give you head yeah and so in that 30 second pause where we stop recording Tony leans over to him goes but did you? I've got to you love to see it to really fucking change gears

we might need a bit of a pallet cleanser before this everybody imagine you've just had a mouthful of sorbet I want to speak to someone who did like it because I'd like to talk to them because I've just got things to ask Well I'm actually like Lil and I This sounds like crazy

But we actually have very similar taste In In like movies and books and stuff We like a lot of the same TV Like there's a new show that came out recently And Lil was like I don't really love it And I was like oh I think that's That's weird

Because I think it looks really good And I watched it and we got to the exact same point and we just actually have a lot in common and so it's interesting that like without knowing the film then I watched it and kind of feel the same way as you so even if you don't love it are you now just like intrigued though

I just can't sit there and be tense for two hours it is tense can I give you a crazy fact though yeah um so and someone posted in our Facebook group like there's often the fact is not that so shut the fuck out um there's a post in our Facebook group at the moment like a lot of people assume everyone in Australia knows each other. Yeah. Like that because, you know, it's a small fucking island and whatever.

So one of the songs in the movie is an NXS song, never tear us apart. Oh my God. It's A-24 made the movie. I love in excess. The soundtrack is great and it's so well made and edited and whatever. So, and it's like, it's just the perfect song for the moment. Absolutely. But apparently the director, like, they're having trouble getting the rights to it or whatever.

So then they asked Port Adelaide if they were allowed to. No, so Nicole Kidman and Australian. It's a funny football joke. That is a funny football joke. Niche, but good nonetheless. Those who get it, get it. And that's all good. So they say, oh, we can't get the song.

And Nicole Kidman and Australian goes, let me make a call. And within 24 hours, they had the song. That's amazing. But I'm like, you're not helping. The stereotype that we all know each other. Yeah. Oh, I'm an Australian. It's an Australian song.

Let me call NXS. Yeah. Carl, we use that song, Cobber. Well, you're right, it doesn't help. And the other day when we went on the radio on Move 104.5 with Drew and Nat, he goes, oh, not to perpetuate the stereotype that all Australians know each other,

but do you guys know blah? And we went, yeah. I do know. I do know Ronny's dad. We do know him, yeah. I've got to you love to see here from Bianca, who shares, and this is absolutely amazing. My nine-year-old nephew, not a joke, genuinely nine years old, has written, illustrated and published his own book.

It's called Jimmy Fredrickson Teddy Island. We are so incredibly proud of our little author and very excited to see where this passion takes him. So I've got the link here, which we can pop in our... Amazing. In the episode thread for today. And the book's like 20 bucks. It's like a little like laminated.

Like it's a proper like soft cover book. It's got like a... And all of the art in it is all. written, drawn and written by Van. And he gets $5 per book. Fuck, yeah. So it's like, it's like $20, I think. Have we bought a copy? We haven't yet.

I was going to, I was like, I'll share this with you guys and we'll get a copy on the way. He gets five bucks per book. I think it's like 20 bucks Australian. And I've got the link here. I don't know it's available outside of Ozzy, but we'll put the link in the episode thread today. And you can see. But, oh, actually, I'm not in Australia right now.

I can click it and see. you can add it to cart i'm guessing that you can get it delivered that's amazing what's the website um it's called blurb.com i'll put the link in because it's like a um like a small author like i guess if you self-publish you can kind of like upload shit to there that's sick anyway and you get like a proper paper copy in the in the mail so um i'll pop the link in but nine fucking years old isn't that amazing doesn't charles look defensive because he He thought he was the only child prodigy. He thought he was the only nine-year-old

that had done anything worth of this. Yeah. We still love you. We've got time for both of you. There can be more than one child prodigy in a community of legends. But good on you. Bianca.

For sharing that. But your nephew, that's really cool. That's huge. Okay, well, that's pretty hard to beat. Well, you did nine. You'll have to see it yesterday. True.

I only have the one. Very true. This is from Caitlin, type of Caitlin. She said, I've been tracking my, how do I say this, plantafaciitis? Faciitis, yeah. Planta fasciitis recovery and chat GPT. Oh, that's rough. That's fucking plantar fasciitis.

That's like rough feet shit. I also talk to her in brackets. My chat GPT's name is Veronica. Oh. About Tony and Ryan. Oh, did you? Anyways, we're talking because. I'm glad that you.

Plantapagitis Tony and Ryan They just go hand foot in foot My love to see it Is Veronica Made a tarp joke Whilst we were talking

About my recovery She said Fassia I barely know her Not exact But Veronica Good try You hilarious bitch

You love to see it That is so fucking funny You barely see it Fassia I barely see it Fassier I haven't had that inflammation before

and there's a screen Veronica I've never met her before Caitlin has put a screenshot in the you love to see it thread of there because there's a full interaction hilarious

but don't you actually love to see that that is very funny Veronica you luscious legend Is that the chat GPT you're talking to? Yeah. Both legends. Great.

Thank you very much for joining us. We will be back tomorrow. It's a Thursday. We've got normal or no. Normal or no is tomorrow. I'm off to the plane bathroom. To jerk off. Please let me know what you thought of the movie.

Yeah, if you've watched it. I'm just how intrigued. Because I reckon it might be. be fucking 50-50 split of people that feel kind of like Lil and people that feel like you. I don't disagree with Lil like it was weird and strange but that's why

I was like, I just need to talk about this. Yeah. Stop looking at my junk. Sorry. Looking at your playing at. Love you. See you tomorrow.