Toni and Ryan - Harrowing Haircut

Episode Date: March 1, 2022

The perfect use of the word harrowing, with the worst date I've ever heard. Love you! Toni xx Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello? Oh, my God, is this Caitlin? Yes, this is Caitlin. Caitlin, Tony has a question to ask you. Yes, yes, of course. How are you? No. I'm good.

How are you? I thought you'm good. How are you? I thought you were going to ask her to approve the podcast. Oh, yeah. Caitlin, would you like to approve the podcast? I would love to approve the podcast. Thank God. Just for everyone else, I throw to Tony and go, oh, have you got something to ask?

And Tony's just looked at me like, what the fuck? Are you throwing me under the bus? What's going on? Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. I would have thought that was obvious, mate. No. No.

Not for me. Hey, it's Caitlin from Vancouver and I approve this podcast. Welcome to the Tony and Ryan show. Why are you laughing? Just because what we were talking about. What we were just talking about and then you're just like, anyway, move on. Let's start this show. From probably the second episode, we've been sharing harrowing first date stories

to the point where people are trolling me about my overuse of the word harrowing first date stories to the point where people are trolling me about my overuse of the word harrowing. I was on Netflix the other day. Not I was on it. I was using it. And I clicked on something. It was actually fucking fantastic. It's on Netflix.

It's called The Puppet Master. Right. And it's about this con man who, like, stitched up all these women. I've been already. Mate, it's so fucking good. I've been already. Oh, mate, it's so fucking good. I watched it this other day. But the description was, like, a harrowing tale of whatever. I told you I was in.

And Torbs goes, oh, does Ryan work at Netflix? Oh, great. I'm glad Torbs is getting involved in the trolling and the bullying. Yeah, he's loving it. I'm going to go out on a limb and say in this episode right now that you're listening to, the most harrowing. Okay. We've had some shockers.

Last week someone killed an animal by accident on a date. That girl shat herself in the woods, blamed the dog. Yeah. We've had it all. Yeah, we have. I reckon cake. Someone got stuck in a cave overnight. Are you sure this is worse than that?

Nothing is worse than that. A cake is about to be taken. Oh, I'd love some cake. Because this story, that's not what. Sorry. I was trying to use a metaphor. Oh, okay. Is it a harrowing cake? This story takes

the cake. That's coming up soon. But first. Normal or nah? Alright. Normal or nah? And this one was not from the cake. That's coming up soon. But first. Normal or nah? All right. Normal or nah? And this one was not from the group. This one was from me. It's a TL special.

I was like, hey, Ryan, can I post the normal or nah this week? And you were like, oh, yeah, just to prove the post. And I was like, nah, I've got one. I've hit the top. I'm using my own gear. I've been researching a topic that's going to divide the tapas. Yeah. But I just pulled rank and was like, there's heaps of normal or nars in here,

but I'm going to do my own. Normal or nar? Being super dehydrated after brushing your teeth. I'm saying normal because every single night before I go to, I don't really notice it in the morning because then I would, like, brush my teeth and then I would just like go about my day anyway. But at night I'll like sit on the side of my bed as I'm getting into bed and fucking inject water because I'm, I don't know what I'm saying,

because it's harrowing, because I'm that dehydrated. Question. Question. Question. Is your mouth just dry or are you dehydrated and are they in fact two different things? No, I don't think so because the second that you're thirsty, it's like you're- Because I reckon it dries your mouth out but your whole person's not dehydrated.

You've just got a dry mouth. Maybe you just need a little gargle or a rinse. And I've got another question. Yeah. Question. Have you ever been so dehydrated? You're like, I'm too thirsty to drink water right now. No, that's not reliable. Are you joking? That happens to me all the time. What do you mean? I'm so tired because I'm so thirsty. I couldn't, I don't have the energy to drink water. No, I drink a lot of water though. Okay, now I sound like a fucking idiot because I know what I said doesn't make sense.

You do. But it's real for me. It happens. You know when you're really hung over and you're like, if only I drank some juice and some water, I'd be so much better. And you're like, but I can't. No. You are a superhuman freak. Yeah, I know.

I am. I'm good. And that's not just in the bedroom But I drink Like I drink a lot of water So Why? As I take a sip of my glass

That's been sitting here for a while But I thought It was really normal And a lot of people did say That it was normal Alicia Latimer Anna Gilchrist And Hayley Penny Blackwell

All said normal. So normal, it's annoying. And then I didn't expect this, but a lot of people have come out of the woodwork. As it turns out, we talk about brushing our teeth on this show a fucking lot. I was going to say this. And I didn't really think about it.

Didn't you? No. When you pitched this, I was like, you know we did brushing teeth last week? Brushing your teeth in the shower. Last week, mate. It was like weeks ago. It was last week. No, it wasn't.

What was last week's normal or nah? Last week's normal or nah, I can actually tell you. It was brushing your teeth in the shower. No, it wasn't. The normal or nah last week was weeing, sitting down. Oh, my mistake. They're all in the bathroom, though. And the week before that was getting a hair out of the back of your throat

and the pork sword. Oh, the pork sword, yeah. And the week before that was, hmm. I feel like we just did it maybe just because I spend so much time with you. It's all merging into one and just time flies when you're having fun. Yeah, the one before that was normal or nah, showering with your partner. So, you know, quite a few weeks ago.

Okay, right, I get it. Anyway, turns out we talk about brushing our teeth quite a lot and no one really put two and two together. Once again, we have been read to filth on the internet for rinsing our mouth out after we brush our teeth. What? Because this has happened so many times. Sarah McLean, and obviously she's on a fucking kickback,

in Australia, McLean... Let me tell you how I, McLean's is... Let me tell you how I Sarah McLean my teeth. But McLean's is like a toothpaste brand. Use my code. And I saw that and I was like, I wonder if she knows. Stephanie Colgate's registered. Fucking Frankie Fluoride on the bloody tools.

Okay. Sarah McClain. That just sent me, seeing her fucking surname, I was like, doll, we see right through this marketing ploy. I can see you coming a mile away. What I'll do, I'll jump into some groups and just, like, start subtly mentioning this thing. And, you know, my favourite brand of toothpaste.

Hey, guys, Jennifer Kellogg here. What do you guys have for breakfast? Do you love cereal? Yeah. Because I do. Frankie Cornflakes. What do you prefer? Just the Cornflakes, actually.

I will never know. Jim Toyota. God, the R4 is great, isn't it? What sort of coffee do you prefer in the morning? You fucked up. Let's ask Lenny Latte. Oh, hi, I'm John Nescafe. My favourite brand has got to be.

Hey, it's William Flatwhite. I reckon a Flatwhite. Yeah, I love a Frappe, actually. Okay, Sarah McLeclean as you sip on your soy cappuccino ryan john cappuccino uh sarah mclean said nah for me so she does not think it is normal to be super hydrated after brushing your teeth right now for me but i also don't rinse my mouth with water after brushing because that defeats the purpose of brushing your teeth ryan didn't realize he was onto something when this came up at some point in the podcast What about when you're brushing your teeth, mate?

Sarah McLean my balls. Sarah McLean out me pipes. I used to think that rinsing your mouth would rinse out the goodness of the... It does. But I've since learned that you need to rinse because you're leaving all the chemicals and the gross stuff in there. No, you're supposed to leave it in. Really?

Yes, you're not supposed to rinse your mouth out. Well, Sarah McLean is right. Yeah. Ah, McLean, you've done it again. It's another Australian. It's an Australian ad about, is it McCain? McCain. She's done it again.

Yeah, McCain, you've done it again. Mother of Israel. Yeah, and they're eating the corn on the roof. Yeah. Anyway, that makes Australia sound so fucked. Oh, Australia sounds fucked. They're eating corn on the roof. And they're 500 kilometres from there.

They were bagging out our kitchen utensils. Oh, but they've got so much fun. They're eating corn on a roof. Fucking hell. Okay, can we all just agree it's normal and move on with our... Yeah, but I just really, really, really want to very quickly share this homemade meme from Jess Fitzgerald. Excellent.

Saying, just FYI, Tony Lodge, and she's made this meme and it's Colgate kids' toothpaste with glitter in it and it says, glitter, clinically proven to cause dehydration. Because I like kids' toothpaste. And I just thought, wow. And I commented back and I said, Jess, did you make this meme? And she said, yeah, I'm an ambo and we were going lights and sirens to a job, so sorry about the spelling mistakes.

Alicia, I've got a good excuse for bad spelling. Hey, it's Caitlin from Vancouver and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. Tomorrow on the show. Tomorrow, tomorrow. A friend of mine, Holly. Hi, Holly. Is this one that lives in the Great Barrier Reef? What's the Western Australian version of that? The Ningaloo Reef.

Ningaloo. Yeah. So no. No, but it's the same Australian version of that? The Ningaloo Reef. Ningaloo. Yeah. So no. No, but it's the same story. You've just got your reefs mixed in. Oh, is it really? Yeah. Are they both called Holly?

They're the same person. They live on the Ningaloo Reef. Oh, I thought she lived on that. Oh, how do I remember that? I don't know. We must have talked about her before. That's so weird. That was a fucking stab in the dark.

That really was. Something's happened in her relationship. Yeah. And I think that she is in the greatest relationship ever, even better than Tony and Torbs. That's not possible. There's no better relationship than Tony and Torbs. That's what I thought until I learnt this week about what Holly done.

I thought I liked Holly, but now she can get fucked. Hey, we're not here to cut others down. No, we're not. Holly, love that for you. You don't succeed by cutting others down. Oh, we're not here to cut others down. No, we're not. Holly, love that for you. You don't succeed by cutting others down. Oh, my God. We lift each other up. Hashtag left.

A rising tide lifts all ships. Thank you. The saying's boats, but it still makes sense. Oh, fuck. Okay. That's tomorrow. I'm very excited. I just can't get over the fact that I got Holly right.

I should message her and ask if I can share her story on the pod. I'll do that before tomorrow's there. Maybe just change her name. Schmolly. I mean. Schmolly. Why didn't I think of that? Yeah if I can share her story on the pod. I'll do that before tomorrow's air. Maybe just change her name. Schmolly. I mean. Schmolly. Why didn't I think of that? Yeah, Holly is actually a fake name.

Yeah. Her name's actually. Her name's Schmolly, but we'll call her Holly. Her name's actually Nat. Oh, no. Okay. A big thank you to our viewers. Her name's Stephanie Barrier Reef.

I can see her angle. The angle of the story because of her name, not her angle. Please continue. What the fuck? This normally happens on a Thursday, but here we go. You coming early. What a shock. Read the fucking page.

Zach Nemich or Nemich. I can never fucking remember which one it is. Jordan McDermott. There's no Mc there. Jordan McDermott. We've spoken to Zach on the phone. Yeah, and I can never remember if it's Nemich or Nemich. And he messages. He was an actor in a show.

And he messages every time and says, you got it right or you got it wrong, and I can never fucking remember. Sorry, Zach. Jordan Dermott, Matthew Chu, and Morgan Allen, big fucking thank you. You love to fucking see it. Thanks for being a fucking champion, Typer. Are you okay? Yeah, I'm just fired up about remembering Holly and who she was.

Okay. Yeah. Ningaloo Reef. Ningaloo fucking Reef. Went to Eltham High, now to the Ningaloo Reef. Good for her. Underwater whale photographer lady. Could we go there?

Yeah. And do it. She would love to have you over any time. Yeah, we could go scuba. Yeah. Do you have your diver's ticket? I'd love to get mine. Should we do that? Yeah. She would love to have you over any time. Yeah, we could go scuba. Yeah. Do you have your diver's ticket? I'd love to get mine. Should we do that?

No. I'd love to get my diver's ticket. It's been on my list for a long time. I've seen White Lotus. I know nothing good comes from that. That's a good point, actually. Okay, yeah, let's not do it. You listening to this podcast, Tony Lodge listening to this story,

I want you to sing out when you hear any kind of red flag. Oh, for fuck's sake. Okay. Oh, no. Okay, can we start with is everyone okay? Oh, no. In time. In time.

Oh, okay. But, like, everyone's all good. Okay. You just sing out But like everyone's all good. Okay. You just sing out when you hear a red flag. This is from Shavanna with the Sweet Hair. Okay. Shavanna with the Sweet Hair says, I met this guy at a cool bar in the mountains where I lived in Georgia

in the US. Oh. And you could sit on the deck and enjoy the glorious scenery, have a drink. It was a really cute little spot. I love having a drink on the deck, yeah. He asked me for lunch the following day, which seems like pretty soon, but he was from out of town and was about to go back home,

so he was like, oh, we just met. Like, I'm only here for a day. Do you want to have lunch tomorrow? I think that's fine anyway. Like, if you met someone, I don't understand the wait three days thing. No, that's bullshit. Don't fucking torture me. Just text me.

And also the rules of like, oh, no, you can't message him. No, if you like them, just message and say g'day. There's no game. Don't play a game with me. If you like the person, don't play games with them. Think about all the wasted opportunities of people that waited and then something terrible happened. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah. Don't wait. Don't wait in life. Take the chance while you've got it. Savannah with the sweet hair. Yep. We had lunch the next day. We went for a walk around town and we were just talking.

Beautiful. It was quite nice. It started raining. So we, you know, it was a bit cute. We had to like run for cover. Oh, my God. Did they kiss in the rain? I remember, can I say something really lame?

That when I was probably like a kid How old? Don't say kid. No, no, no. Sorry. When I was younger so I was going out with my high school boyfriend Josh. So I would have been like 13 or 14. Oh, that's young. Well, I mean we pecked on the lips

and held hands. That was all good. And I remember thinking that it would be really sweet if we kissed in the rain. And I remember it piercing down my brain and being like, let's go in the rain. It was great. Was it? Yeah. Well, no.

But I remember being like, oh my God, how cute. My high school boyfriend, Josh, he's doing really well now. He lives in New Zealand. He's got a long-term girlfriend and a baby. Very cute. We didn't ask. He's very successful. He's doing well without you.

He's an engineer or something. You've clearly moved on. Yep. No, we follow each other on Instagram and stuff. It's all good. Tomorrow on the show when we talk about Holly being the cutest couple ever, what's that guy's name? My high school boyfriend, Josh.

The story of Josh and Tony will be told tomorrow. I don't think we can. Why not? Because he's married with children now. Anyway, back to Shavanna with the sweet hair. They rushed undercover. Beautiful. They made out.

See, it's hot. And he grabbed the back of her head and her hair and he said, you have beautiful hair. Ah! Is that the red flag? That's what he's saying. Saying, did he say it in that way? You have beautiful hair.

You got beautiful hair. Yeah, oh, I'd love to have it under my pillow. Like, is that how he said it or? Just you wait, mate. He then complimented my hair saying it was very pretty and healthy. Which she said is nice, but not something you'd expect a man to say those words like you have healthy hair. I think it's just the situation. It's situational. If someone said to me, your hair is so long and healthy, that wouldn't offend me or bother me. But if we were making

out and they just kept saying things about my hair, I'd be like, fuck off is so long and healthy. That wouldn't offend me or bother me. But if we were making out and they just kept saying things about my hair, I'd be like, fuck off, bro. He then said, whilst they were bunkered down, you know. So they're still kissing, they're a bit cute and it's like. He goes, we should cut it. I can't. Sing any louder. We should cut it. We should cut it.

We should cut it short. Savannah with the sweet hair said, no, I like it long and I've been growing it for a while and, like, I met you in a bar last night, like, I'm not going to cut my hair short. And he moved on with the conversation. We ended up going back to his hotel room for some mimosas. Savannah with the sweet hair, are you fucked?

This guy has said this weird as fuck thing and then you're like, yeah, I'll go to your private room. She did add. Have you never watched a fucking documentary? What the fuck? Shavanna did add, knowing what I know now, I should never have gone back there. Babe, you already knew it.

He already said that weird fucking thing about cutting your hair, doll. Like, no, you already knew. Hindsight is fucking perfect, but like, you knew that already. Things heated up when we got back to the hotel room. Yeah, like he heated up his fucking chainsaw to hack your fucking hair off. And as I walked into the room, as in the bedroom, I noticed on his bedside table a hairbrush, some hair cutting shears, and some other people's hair, just like, you know, bits of hair, just like all lined up.

I actually want to start crying. This is so fucking freaky. What the fuck? Are you crying? That is so freaky. What? You fucking walk into someone's hotel room and there's other people's hair there? What the fuck? Are you crying? That is so freaky. What? You fucking walk into someone's hotel room and there's other people's hair there?

What the fuck? I can't believe you're crying. I mean, I know, but, like, you, Tony, you're safe. This is like a fucking horror, horror movie. It's a horror movie. I want to, I actually, holy fuck, please don't. I'm going to need to watch fucking Cocoa Melon before I go to sleep tonight. This is so scary. He explained that he had a haircutting fetish,

and when he said, can I cut your hair, what he really meant was, can I cut your hair whilst you're going down on him, and he would, like, cut the hair as you were doing that. That's what really gets him going. Not to kink shame, obviously. Well, Savannah with the sweet hair said, no, I don't want to do that. But she also added, I'm not here to kink shame, but that's just not for me.

And that's totally fine. That's your thing. It's not my thing. I like my long hair. It's a no from me. And I would just be really freaked out if I walked into someone's hotel. Like, surely you would put the hair of the other people away. And the shears.

That's, you know, that's a... Oh, my God, you just looked away. Someone just walked past the studio. And I was like, is this someone that's come to cut my hair? Because I will not do it. Savannah with the sweet hair again adds, I should have also left at this stage. But I didn't and I stayed the night.

This is so much worse than the cave. I just, I want to go. What is happening? She stayed the night? Looking back, says Shavanna with the sweet hair, I should have left at multiple occasions, but I was in a dry spell and a woman's got needs, you know? That's her words, not mine.

I'll buy you a fucking vibrator, doll. Anything else? We could find a tarpa to get it done. Fast forward the next day. She wakes up and her hair's all fucking gone. I put my hair in a ponytail to go and work out. I was mid-workout when I noticed some hair wasn't going into the ponytail. It was in the middle of my hair, but it kept popping out.

I asked my roommate to look and she gasped, saying there was a huge chunk of hair where it was only an inch long, thus the rest of it had been cut off an inch from her scalp. I was confused, but then it hit me like a ton of bricks. That creepy motherfucker cut my hair in the middle of the night without me even knowing, and it took years for me to be able to wear my hair up again. We all laugh about it now, says Savannah with the previously sweet hair.

No, we don't. I'm not laughing. I'm actually thinking about calling the police. Yeah. We all have a good laugh about it now, but there's probably a complete shrine of me and other girls' hair somewhere in this dude's house. Yours truly, Savannah with the sweet hair.

Tony, I haven't seen your jaw hit the floor with my pants on. Not the right time for that gag, I'm aware. I literally fucking call Halle Berry because she could act the fuck out of that story. It's a movie right there, isn't it? It's like Saw. Nah, something more grimier. That, like.

When I said earlier. Yeah. The most harrowing first date. I find that quite creepy, yeah. I don't... Again, it's not a kink shame thing, but this person has done this without her consent. She said no multiple times. Yeah, like there was more than once that she said,

no, I actually, I'm not interested in that. And he did it against her will while she was asleep. Like that's really, that's not okay. So aside from the obvious issues with consent in this situation, that is just so fucking spooky. So when Savannah with the sweet hair sends me a DM and goes, hey, Ryan, I bet you can't get worse than this. We can't. No. Segment's over. Finish the podcast. It's been

fucking great. No Thursday episode. Harrowing, right? Am I allowed to use that word without being mocked in this occasion? I actually, I started to cry just then. Harrowing. Harrowing. She's moved on. She's got a new partner.

Her hair looks great. Once again. What's something you love to see, Tony? Let's change the mood before we leave in a few minutes. Something I love to see is that in Australia over the last week, you might have seen this online, that we had a massive jackpot of Powerball, which is our lotto in Australia. It was like $130 million or something. Which in Australia never happens.

It's usually like $4 million. Yeah, and it's the biggest jackpot that they've had in quite some time. Anyway, two Division 1 tickets went off. So two people won 63 mil each. Except one of the tickets was actually purchased by a lotto syndicate in Kalgoorlie, which is probably like six or eight

hours north of Perth in WA. It's like inland. It's in the middle of the desert. Yeah, it's... Mining town. 30,000 people live there. It's not Dubbo. No, but it's the same, but on the other side of Aussie pretty much. Far from the beach. They don't have a surf shop.

And 250 people in Kalgoorlie were in this Facebook group called Let's Pay Our Mortgage Goldfields. Yep. And they won it. It's so good. Did you see the Facebook post? And they won $260,000 each. And the median house price in Kalgoorlie, I had a look,

and it's $310,000. So they did, in fact, wipe their mortgages. They would have paid off their mortgages. The whole town. Could you imagine the pubs last night in Kalgoorlie? Because if you didn't win it, you fucking knew someone that had. Everyone would have known someone who won. That fucking gives me goosebumps.

That is so special. Kalgoorlie's also the home of Topless Pubs. Yep. Yeah, Skimpies, they home of topless pubs. Yep. Yeah, skimpies they call them. Skimpies. Yeah. And wouldn't the skimpies have cleaned up the other night? Oh, yeah.

Fucking few hundos, I reckon, in there. But you fucking love to see it. You know, like, think about how many fucking lotto tickets they've bought as a group. Every Thursday for the last three years. Yeah. So the post on Facebook, because they've got a Facebook group, and it just said, we fucking did it, we fucking got it.

And everyone's like, yeah. Oh, it just sent me. And Torbs and I were having a look online, like, yeah, what's the median house price? How many people live there and stuff? And that kind of money, $260,000, it's fucking life-changing. It really is. That is just insanity.

So you love to see it. You know what I love to see? People not cutting my hair in my sleep. People who we know doing good things and doing well for themselves. Oh, absolutely. Can I tell you who I'm loving online at the moment? Who? 100% That Tim.

And we know Tim, don't we? Tim is one of my closest friends. I have a picture of Tim and I in my wallet. What's his name on TikTok? 100% That Tim. So good. So he's doing, at the moment, like modern day Kath and Kim remakes. It's so good. It's great. So Bridget's watching this video. Yeah. Like going through every video going, I love

this guy. And I go, Bridget, we've been out for dinner with him. Yeah, because you went out with him and his partner Cam, right? And she's like no, because Bridget's got a terrible memory. Oh, yeah. And I was like she's like, oh, this guy's so funny. I'd love to meet him. He's so hilarious. Like, we've been out for dinner with him. That's amazing.

And she's like, oh, well, good for him. I loved him so much. He's great. And, yeah, the videos are amazing. 100% that team on Instagram and on TikTok. Go and get around him. Yeah, get around him. He's doing a great job.

He's really great. You're a meowsman. Yes. I'm trying. No, it's very good. 100% that team, meow. Instagram, meow. See you tomorrow.

Nice. Yeah, that'll do. Please don't cut my hair off in the night, meow.