Toni and Ryan - Harrowing Tale From A Rich Shoe Shop

Episode Date: February 27, 2023

THE ULTIMATE CONFESSION!!! And also.... Happy BOOK RELEASE DAY TO ME!!! Love ya!!! Toni xoxox f you've got a SPICY confession you need to get off your chest, we wanna hear about it HERE! Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Plus you can find the links to buy Toni's book here! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. I'm Ryan, author Tony Lodge here, and we are going to Dallas, Texas to speak with an OG tarpa. More like OMG tarpa. Hello. Hello, OG tarpa. Now, Tony doesn't know who we're speaking with, so can you please state your name for the record? This is Lane Cox. Lane Cox.

Lane Cox. Welcome to the show. Hi, Lane. How are y'all? We're going to... That bloody southern accent, isn't it? I like that. Are you eating barbecue at the moment line

uh it might be for dinner of course it's always barbecue in texas of course it is what's the dinner barbecue of course uh lane will you approve the podcast i don't know i heard from uh somebody on the pod that uh their name rhymes with Shryan that I made it on the out list for 2023. Wow. So I don't know if I can. Boy, is there egg on my face because I may, may have said in my outs for the year was Lane. How not?

Okay, Lane, Lane, Lane, Lane, Lane. Okay. Will you approve the podcast for me and could I just have like a plus one? I will approve it for the author, Tony Lodge, and if your plus one is somebody like Ryan. Being Tony's plus one is the greatest job I've ever had. You're fucking welcome. You're welcome.

Wayne Cox from Texas and I approve this podcast. All right, today is officially book release day, and we will get to that soon. But author Tony Lodge, congratulations. Thank you. Well, will we get to that? Because. I love that my beautiful, like, Thank you. Well, will we get to that? Because. I love that my beautiful, like, milestone moment.

It's going to be destroyed. Is bookended with fucking this story. Poopy McGavin. Now, every Tuesday we do confessions. You can submit it at tonyandryan.com.au. I tried to do this one last week. Didn't quite make it. Why didn't we make it? We got distracted.

Because you pissed on someone. Twice. In a phone pit. At a phone party. Let me just get straight into this because I want to get to the book and this is a fucking long confession. Oh, okay. Is there something I should, like, how should I prepare for this?

Actually, let me just read the first paragraph and then we can re-debrief and propose ourselves. Oh, sorry, are you saying that you enjoy a debrief? No, no, as in what happens before, like if a debrief is after, what's a pre-brief? That's not what it is, but I love it. Yeah, okay, because after this first sentence, we'll get an idea of what we're dealing with.

Okay. I'm sweating and I'm flustered just typing this confession and that I promise you I'm a normal, well-adjusted, educated woman. Oh. And what I did when I was 18 is no representation of the person I am today. When you have to say, I promise I'm a well-adjusted person, God, you can only imagine what comes after.

It's like when you're talking to your racist auntie at Christmas and they go, well, I'm not a racist. But. And you just know that whatever they say after that is absolutely vile. I'm a well-adjusted human, but this one time when I was 18. So Poopy McGavin, I worked at a high-end shoe store and in an eight-hour shift I probably only spoke to like three or four customers.

You know when it's like too high-end? Yeah. Like no one can afford it. Well, high-end, like like how high end are we talking? Like a Louboutin or whatever that's called, the red ones? We are definitely not naming names. Oh, okay. All right.

But just, yeah, I reckon. Very fancy. High end shoes. Real rich people. Real rich people. Yeah. Because it was so quiet. Again, when it's so rich, there's like no one can afford it,

so no one goes in. But is that the life hack of all life hacks? Get a job where no one can afford to go in there and then you never have to do anything? Well, that's what Poopy McGavin thought, but it sort of backfired on her because it was so quiet and they're in a big shopping centre. They only

had one staff member on at a time. Because if you're getting three customers in an eight-hour shift, you're not going to have three people there. No. But then what happens when you want to go on lunch? Or do we? Right, okay. Sorry. Continue.

One time the regional manager, who drops by from time to time, came to the store when I was in the bathroom. Oh, and she'd put her Post-it note on the window that said back in five. Back in five. Yep. I locked the door, back in five, and the regional manager, he was furious. Oh, they never warn you, do they?

Well, once or twice a month, it turns up. I got a written warning. Fuck off. And I was told I should never leave the store unattended, even for bathroom breaks. Okay, then you can put two people on at a time. Thank you so much so what they started doing right is they would have like a casual come in for two hours in the

middle of the day so she could like take a break and so he's like you go to the bathroom before you shift and then when the casual comes in at lunch then you can go to the bathroom pause no that's not how bodies work thank you actually can't police when i go to the bathroom it's like when you're at school and you go, oh, Miss, can I please go to the toilet? And they go, why didn't you go at lunchtime? Why didn't you get a better fucking job? If you hate kids, why are you a fucking teacher?

That is so unfair. And they go, well, I can't go and take a break. You can. No one's actually saying that you can't. Preach it. I just hated that as a kid. I don't know. That's what's made me so anxious i reckon now as an adult about like taking up people's time because they'd be like no if you want to do that you can do that on your own time like okay well then i better not go for a wee when

everyone needs me is that why when we're doing the podcast and you need to go to the bathroom you don't go i'm just going to the bathroom you go is it okay if i go to the bathroom? And I, or I wait until you go, oh, hang on, let me just check something. And I go, oh, well, if you're doing something, I'll just go to the, because I'm like, that's dead time already. Let the record show that you're allowed to go to the bathroom whenever you like. All right. Well, I might just pop off now. I'll see you later.

And I'd actually, and this isn't, this sounds aggressive. It's not aggressive. I'd actually prefer you to like not. Just do that. Yeah. Yeah. Because then I feel like I'm your boss. Yeah. And you're not. Yeah. I'd actually prefer you to like not. Just do that. Yeah. Yeah. Because then I feel like I'm your boss. Yeah.

And you're not. Yeah. Because we own a business together. Allegedly. Yeah. Anyway, sorry about that outburst. But you can't say to your employer, imagine if we said to producer Cam, you can actually go to the bathroom before you start or after, not any other time.

I don't know if it's just my anxiety because I have an interesting stomach. Yeah. But if someone said you cannot go, nothing would make me need to go more. Such a good point. Yeah. Right? That's a one-way ticket to bathroom.

Yeah. Yeah. If you've got constipation, you're not allowed to go. Oh, constipation solved. Yeah. Yeah, literally, that's a laxative for me. Poopy McGavin says, I had a particularly big Saturday night out and I rocked up to work feeling pretty hungover.

We've all been there, especially at 18. There was a lot of hungover days at work. Yep, and all of a sudden my tummy starts making some odd sounds and I knew what was happening. The AGB was arriving. The AGB was arriving. The AGB. The after grog bog. Yeah, everyone's been there the next morning.

Because of all the sugar in your cruiser. Yeah. Because of all the gross 58 different kinds of drink you had last night. Yeah. Or the like. The citruses bubbling around. The citruses. There's a bit of bourbon in there.

There's probably a bit of kebab or a bit of double cheeseburger from the drive-through in the taxi on the way home. It's all bubbling around. And suddenly when you're in the work at the high-end shoe store, your body goes, hey, bro, it's fucking on. We're on air. Yeah. Fuck.

Pee-pee McGavin. Now, I was told explicitly not to leave the store and no staff were coming in for another few hours. I started to panic. Which just makes you need to go more. I started to stress. Which just needs to make you go even more. I started sweating.

My body was both hot and cold all over at once. Oh, the fevery sweats of, it's like after you eat too much KFC. The meat sweats. And then you're a goner. Yeah. I went out the back to the storage room where all the shoes are. Not the fancy shoes. I glanced at the shelf of the empty shoe boxes.

And before I knew it, I was questioning every moment in my life and how it led to this moment where I was squatting over an empty shoebox. Into an empty shoebox of shoes I could never afford. That's the other thing, isn't it? They're fancy. And then it's happening.

The regional manager's back. No. Oh my god. It's happening. I'm shitting in a shoebox. Shitting in a shoe box. In the back end of a high-end shoe store. Don't say back end. Oh. There was a communal sock for people trying on shoes.

You know those communal socks? When they're like, you want to try the shoes on? And they go, oh, you got to put some socks on. And there's like that communal store. Fuck, they should be illegal. With the tongs. Yeah. You wouldn't touch them with your bare hands.

I got the communal sock to wipe myself. There was nothing. And popped the sock in the box with the poop and put the lid on. So then you've got to deal with disposing of the poo box well this is what poopy mcgavin didn't think about it's one thing to get the poop in the box but how do you get the poopy box out of the store yeah so she's started to realize this because if an employee because keep in mind this is a i don't want to say low-level employee but it's like a retail working working so if you walk out from the back room with a shoe box and just walk out of the store, you're going to get done for theft.

They're going to be like, well, she's stolen the Louis Vuittons. Yeah. Or even like, oh, are they for me to try on? Are they the nines? You know, like when they walk from out the back and they got the shoebox and they go, oh, is that the size nine? It's a 10 out of 10 in there, baby. Yeah, it's a two, actually. A number two. Quite good. Thank you. No, it's a 10 out of 10 in there, baby. Yeah, it's a two, actually. A number two.

Quite good. Thank you. Is that a 10? No, it's a two. And what a two. That's a big two. Remember Austin Power. Who does number two work for?

About 20 minutes later, as I'm still pondering how to get the shoebox out of the store. So it probably stinks. Guess who rocks up? The regional manager randomly came back to check on things because of course he did on this day. Every few weeks he randomly drops in and today was that day. And to directly quote Poop McGavin,

there was clearly a lingering smell. Yeah. A fog. Louis Vuitton, more like Pooey Vuitton. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I also had no clue yet about how I was going to get the box of shit out of the store without anyone noticing. So I quickly asked the regional manager, oh, since you're here anyway, can I go to the bathroom? Oh, that's fucking bold, Poofy McGavin. He's already said absolutely under no circumstances must anyone go to the bathroom. Oh, do you leave it unattended?

But he's like, well, if you're here. But is that really a – Yeah, does the regional manager get behind the scene? Is that saying to the CEO that walks in going, oh, would you mind doing the register? I'd love to go and have a ciggy. You know what I mean? Like is that not quite a – that's a power move?

He said yes. I went out the bag and grabbed the bag, my bag, and the box of shit. The box of shit. I rushed to the door and he asked, oh, what have you got that box what are you taking that for no he did not I start to stress she shit again I start to panic

I'm sweating and my body felt hot and cold all over at once I was so scared that he thought I was trying to steal the shoes. That was my main concern. And I'd already had a written warning. And clearly, you know how the boss just has it in for some people? Yeah.

Because of the written warning thing, it's like, this guy's just looking for an excuse. You know what I mean? Yeah. I feel like they're in the case. So what's in the box? It was my literal shit and an accompanying shit sock. I was almost in tears of embarrassment.

I explained that it was an empty box and could I please take it since they were going to get thrown out anyway and I thought I could give it to my non-existent cousin for a high school arts and crafts project. Pretty believable, I guess. They're making a diorama. They need the shoebox. When you said diorama.

Oh, sorry. Did making a diorama. They need the shoebox. When you said diorama. Oh, sorry. Did I say diorama? Oh, I thought you said. There aren't too many words that start. No, there aren't. I can't believe I picked the one that is the same. Yep. Yeah, I think that's kind of believable.

Except this guy's already decided he hates Poopy McGavin. Except this guy's already decided he hates Poopy McGavin. The regional manager steps towards the box, looks Poopy McGavin in the eye and says, seems fine. I ran to the- Did he ask to look inside? He's like, is there any shoes in there? Like he didn't ask to look inside. She said it's an empty box.

And he goes, okay. But wouldn't he then be like, why are you taking it to the toilet? Like you said you need to go to the toilet. Why are you taking that now? I'm going to put it in my car. I ran to the toilet and threw the box into the, you know, the paper towel bin? No.

When you dry your hands of the paper towel. That's for recycling. Well, it's the ultimate recycle. It's last night's kebabs being recycled into that box. Did you just throw up in your mouth? That was disgusting. I'm sorry. Yep, that's okay.

Okay. That was 15 years ago. And until the Tony andyan podcast said their website accepts totally anonymous and totally untraceable confessions i haven't told a single person in 15 years however says poopy mcgavin every time i walk past a shoe store and i see shoe boxes stacked up, I still think, I wonder if any of those boxes have human shit in them. And then I think, nah, that's fucked. But then I think, nah, I'm fucked. I did that as well. Yeah.

Thank you for listening to my confession. You know what, Poo Poo McGavin, I'm actually, I'm proud that you've finally gotten this off your chest. I cannot believe that that happened. That is insanity. What is insanity? The music store? finally gotten this off your chest. I cannot believe that that happened. That is insanity. What is insanity? The music store?

No, it was the poo shop. The shoe shop. The poo shop. I think the moral of this story is what Tony Lodge already touched on. Don't tell me when I can shit. Yeah. I'm not. I'm a me when I can shit. Yeah. I'm not. I'm a human. This is biology.

Yes. I was drunk four hours ago. I'm full of vodka, cruiser and semen and I need a poo. And you know what, mate? You're lucky I'm even fucking here. Yeah. It's hard. Jobs is hard at the moment.

I haven't. Because employment shortages. I haven't been to bed. You're lucky I didn't fucking call in sick. You know why I've done my makeup for work? Because I haven't washed my face since yesterday afternoon. Yeah, I had one eyelash up here this morning. Hi, it's Linkox from Texas, and you're listening to Tony and Ryan.

A massive shout-out to a few of our champion tappers over at our Patreon. Sarah Doganick, thank you so much. Big doog. Ali Druckert. Ali Druckert. Thomas Anand, Kira Adams and George Wendell. George Wendell. Yeah, I thought we'd a couple of OGs for such a big day.

It is a big day. It is a big day. Congratulations on the new book, Tony Lodge. Thank you. I'll pass it here. I don't need therapy and otherwise I've told myself by Tony Lodge. There is a quote by Zara and Michelle from Shameless on the front. Yep.

Speaking of Zara and Michelle from Shameless, do you want to grab that thing from my desk i just need to show you something real quick what is that happy book day to you. Happy birthday to you. Hooray. Hooray. Hooray. Hooray.

Hooray. Now describe what you've got here, Tony. Oh, that's so beautiful. It's an ice cream cake, I believe, or just a cake. Is it an ice cream cake? Yeah, it's an ice cream cake. Yeah, ice cream cake's the best. Yeah.

With not a candle but a cake topper, I think is what they're called. And it says, Happy Author Day. Happy Author Day. Guys, that's so sweet. And there's kisses and hugs from Cam and I on there too. Kisses and hugs. Oh, and little jellies on the cake. Yeah, that's a delicious cake.

We'll be hopping into that real soon. Yeah. Should we pop it back in the freezer? I thought we were going to eat it. We can't eat on the podcast. People hate that. Do they? Yeah.

I'll just keep holding maybe they can fucking write a book and then tell you how to yeah yeah exactly right you've right guys that's so kind of you in my hand here if you've written 248 pages you get to eat whatever the fuck you like thank you wherever i want wherever i want whenever you like well i'm definitely gonna keep this little the cake topper that's's beautiful. It is an incredible effort. Beautiful book. You will laugh. You will cry. You will shit yourself.

Not in a bookstore, hopefully. Yep. But we have found an issue, haven't we, Tony? And it only popped up last night, the day before the release. You've already signed 3,000 copies. They're being sent all over the world. Yep, they've all been printed. What happened yesterday?

So I was looking. Yeah, they've all been printed. What happened yesterday? So I was looking. Yeah, how did this actually come about? So I was looking in the book because I was going to write in a copy for my family like where their acknowledgement was in the back of the book. Right. And I like spun all the way to the end and I found it. And if you pass me the book, I can find it for you. On page 247, it says,

To Jamie, Libby and Hayley, my siblings, for being a safe space to remember our mum and for years of special memories that I could never fit into one book, which is quite lovely. Yeah. Except instead of special memories, it says fecal memories. I've missed the I, and so it seems now a bit like fecal memories. It does feel like fecal, doesn't it? Yeah.

That girl in the bookstore's got some fecal memories. Shoe shop. Shoe store. She shines shoe stores at the shoe store. Yes. Um, yeah, so 247. Please don't message me and say that you found the spelling error. Because, uh, yeah, I get it. I found it. So. I just like, I

just turned to it because I was like, oh, I'll let them know. And then I was kind of like flicking through and I was like, oh my God. Like mortified because how fucking embarrassing. Also, like 20 different people like proofread this book. Did they? And I don't mean like the people who read it for a quote. So you read the book before it came out,

Zara and Michelle from Shameless. Like, you know, all of these things. I don't mean them. Professional copy editors. Yes, I mean the people from the actual publisher. Everyone read it. And I think it's just one of those things, you know, when like you see the word and your mind just makes it up.

So it's easy to miss. No, it's their job. But I can't believe that out of the thousand people that have read the book. Alan and Unwin, offices in Sydney, Melbourne, Auckland and London. And across these four offices, no one knows how to spell. I suggest that they haven't read it. No, they read it.

Did they? What do you reckon? It is right at the back. That's what I mean. I reckon most people get a third halfway and go, yeah, I got the gist. Yeah. Is that what you did? Babe. Is that what you did? It's gist. Yeah. Is that what you did? Babe.

Is that what you did? It's not what I did. Is that what you did? I skipped over the Dalai Lama because I know the story. Yeah. But I did read the whole thing because I don't come in to the end, so I was waiting for me to shine. I did that on purpose.

Yeah, if you had put me at the start. I hooked you through. Fucking goodnight nurse, I would have been gone by page four. But I reckon they've just, because it's so beautifully written. You go, after 10 pages, it's like, I trust you like i trust she gets it yeah she knows how to write yeah however can i just say that how many times a week would you give me shit about my spelling and grammar probably a hundred have i ever made a spelling error in published work no i think it's time to put the fucking snarky remarks to bed mate because unless you want to end up with speakle matter all over your face

all right i can just i just can't but like did you message him um or i sent it to my editor with like a laughing emoji i was like can you fucking believe because it's it's there's no it's done it's happened it's happened and you know if it? Because there's no, it's done. It's happened. And, you know, if they need to reprint it because it's popular, which probably won't happen, but if they do need to reprint it, they can, you know, they can do an edit. They can add an eye in there. But I just can't believe that.

And I just, the day before it came out, I'm flicking through it, feeling nostalgic for something that hasn't happened yet. Yep. And I fucking. Looking forward. Yeah. Foreshadowing my own destiny. And I just couldn't believe it. And also it's in like a heartfelt bit.

It is an important part. You know, another reason I think that it would have been missed is because the acknowledgements aren't in the audio book. Oh. Right? Which is so weird. Oh, but they didn't check the spelling in the audio version. No, but I mean, so it's not as if I would have read through it again

with fresh eyes because that wasn't in it, so I just wouldn't have even read it. Do you reckon they stop at the acknowledgements? Maybe. There's probably a heap of problems in there. Acknowledgements and maybe like, you know, is there an index or a glossary? What else is in the back of a book? No, because it's not a heap of problems in there. Acknowledgements and maybe like, you know, is there an index or a glossary? What else is in the back of a book?

No, because it's not a textbook. Yeah, if it was a textbook. But do you know what I mean? You get to the end of the like primary text and go, yep, all signed off, ready to print. Yeah. Yeah, nah. So if you get to the end of the book,

you'll find my speak or matter right at the back. And you listening, the Tarpers, you get it. Can I read the Acknowledge acknowledgement of the Tarpers? Yes. An excerpt from Ryan John, read by Ryan John. There is no Tony and Ryan without the incredible Tarper community, a place where weirdos from all over the world have been able to make friends, laugh, and share harrowing tales

with each other and with us. Thank you very much. How beautiful is that? Everyone gets a shout out. Yep. Everyone's in there. Everyone except Cam. Well, actually, in the copy you're holding, Cam's right in the front.

Yeah, because you've written on it. Because I wrote it. You've given a shout out to Tim Collins, which is a bloke you met twice in Bunbury. But you work with Cam. A bloke I met twice in Bunbury. Yep. Fuck. I've never even heard you mention this other bloke who's in here.

Who? Eton. Eton? Yeah. My best friend from Perth. Oh, best friend, yeah. Why haven't I heard of him? If they're your best friend, why haven't I heard of him?

Jace Hawkins. I've literally talked about Eton on the podcast. You never listen to me. No. But no Cam though, so that's all right. But. God, there's a lot of fucking sour shit spewing out of your mouth at the moment. On a day so special to me, you're deciding now to be a fucking

flaming cock. There are two types of people in this world, Tony Lodge. Nice people. There are people who of people in this world, Tony Lodge. Nice people. There are people who go out there and achieve things and there's people who sit on their fat ass and judge those people. And you. You know what, camp? Your fucking fat ass is sitting in at the moment.

Sorry for writing a book but not doing it well enough to fucking make you happy. So the book is out today yes it was probably this time last year that you'd actually started like you'd been through all the messages and the chats and the meetings and like what's it going to look like you actually like probably started typing around a year ago yeah yeah probably earlier because it took me six months i started it in the jan January and then I finished it in July. So, yeah.

And then it goes off to print and the editing process, I mean jokes aside about the Spiegel matter, but like there's a lot of back and forth. There's a lot of notes. There's a lot of can you rewrite. Oh, this thing like, oh, are you sure that it took you an hour and a half to drive there because I've looked on Google Maps and it says it takes this long.

And I was like, I used to do that drive all the time. I'm telling you it's now and then. Like, you know, little things like that where for people like Ryan who like to call successful people out, you know, because people read books and then go, that's not how long that takes. And then they write in and they go, yeah, and they go, that's factually incorrect. Well, I remember there was a brouhaha as well about that you spoiled

the end of a TV show that ended fucking 15 years ago. So I had to take that out of the book. Which is bullshit. And I remember getting to that part of the book and being like, oh, that's it. Yep. Yep. That was a mistake on their behalf. I had to take that out.

But how does it feel? And obviously it was a moment probably a month or two ago when we got to physically hold it. But now that when you go to Perth in a few days, it's going to be on the bookshelf in the airport. You're going to get heaps of people messaging you, holding the book saying, here it is. You're going to have people taking selfies with their AirPods and going, I'm listening to your book right now. How does it feel to know that this is out in the world?

Really weird. And I feel like when I was writing it, it was like a journal that only I was seeing. And then now all of a sudden it's like everyone can read my diary. Yeah. And it's so I didn't think that I'd feel nervous. I don't get nervous a lot. Do you feel exposed?

Yeah, I feel quite vulnerable now. Do you feel nude? Yeah. Put some clothes on. Yeah. I didn't think I'd feel that way. But now that I know that people are about to start reading it. And so Torb's actually read it.

He did? Last week, yeah. What did he say? He read it in a day. Because he was waiting for the hard copy. He wanted a hard copy. So I had sent him a couple of things to kind of be like, do you like this?

What's the flow of this? Like how do you feel, whatever. So he'd read a couple of bits. And obviously he's read lots of stuff that I've written in the past. But he read it in a day and he really liked it. But I was like watching him read it and my best friends, Jag and Lane, I sent them copies in New Zealand. Finally fucking got there, fucking got there.

And I was like there's a thousand, thousand, thousand strangers that are going to read this. But it felt so much weirder. My closest friends reading it. It's like if you were talking in front of 1,000 people, it's not that nerve-wracking but if you were talking in front of four people, you feel so much more exposed because it's close. But 1,000 strangers, no problem.

Because I remember you saying when you were writing it, it was like when you say writing in your diary, that makes sense because you were like, oh, it's so cathartic. I'm thinking about things I haven't thought about for years and years. It feels like a really personal. Intimate? Is intimate the right word? Totally.

Well, I mean, well, both of you, you and producer Cam have both read. Like there's some like really vulnerable shit in there. And some other people have said that, oh, I kind of just thought it would be really funny, but it's not. I mean, it is really funny in some parts, just not all parts. Yeah, but they're like, I wasn't expecting to kind of get to know you the way that I did. So hopefully people are pleasantly surprised by that.

Yeah, and people who grew up in Australia, I think, will read it because it's actually a great reminder of Australian childhoods. See, I didn't think that at all. And then when you said that, I was like, that's actually kind of true. And then from people overseas who have ordered it, they can have a look and go, oh, that's how you guys grew up

and you might be able to see the difference between an Australian childhood. And we're talking about Australian childhood in the 90s compared to, you know, wherever you're from and how your childhood was because there are some beautiful, you know, things about Australia in there. And I think, and Cam might have mentioned this as well, people from Perth are going to fucking froth this book

because when you're talking about the spots and the locations and stuff, it's just, and as someone who's lived in Perth for a while, I'm picturing the places and know the areas and it's a really great look at Perth, you know, when you're growing up. Thank you. Yeah. But I'm.

That's all I was told. I haven't actually read it. Yeah. I think that, like, I was listening to this thing the other day and it was saying about how, like, in Australia you have to say your shit. Like, you're not allowed, like, Australians aren't allowed, like, we as a people. We're a humble people.

But you go, oh, that's so great, and you go, no, it's shit. Like, oh, it's fine. Oh, I probably could have done this a bit better. I'm really fucking proud of this book. Yeah. And I don't think that, that like it's something that I think of things that I create often, but I'm really proud of it. I'm really excited for people to get it.

What is, because of the title, I Don't Need Therapy and Other Lies I've Told Myself, what is the biggest lie you've ever told yourself? That I'm not hungry. That's not even in there, but that's probably it. I don't need therapy. Otherwise, I've told myself, available in all good bookstores and a few other shit ones as well, and also online at Book Depository

and Book Suppository. No, what's the other one? They're both similar. Book Suppository. Booktopia in Australia and New Zealand. I think there's some signed copies left as well, and Book Depository if you're not in Australia and New Zealand. I think there's some signed copies left as well. And Book Depository if you're not in Australia. Signed copies left?

Yeah. Snap them up. I know. All right. Obviously, that's how you love to see it. But if you were forced to do another one. If I was forced to do another one. See, I was thinking about this and I was like, oh, just do the book.

And then I knew that you'd go, well, no. No, that's fucking cop out. You've already done it. You wrote that, mate. We've done hearing about it. Antonia Tiana McHugh in our Facebook group. Can I buy a vowel? Has joined the bandwagon.

Yeah. Of recommendations. Right-o. Right. Hope it's not Ann Edmonds. So Antonia has said, I just finished watching Better Date Than Never on ABC. Oh, I've heard about this.

Because I love Frida Airs, what she said. It is the most gorgeous show and everyone needs to see it. I've heard this show is amazing. And it's, from what I've heard, a bit like Love on the Spectrum, which is like people on the spectrum kind of they go on this dating show and they're introduced to each other in a really safe way. They can take support people with them and all of that. So it's a really nice show and there's an American version now as well

and the people on that are so fucking famous now. It's insane. And apparently that Better Date Than Never on ABCc so it's on like abc iview in australia um is really really good so i've heard nothing but great things me too and i've seen a few ads because we watch a few things on iview and they've always got their own ads on the thing apparently it's really good so if you're looking for something heartwarming to watch, check that on. What's her name again? Antonia. Antonia?

It's a fucking slippery slope recommending things in this community. I know. So I thought, you know what? I'll give her a good shot because I think this is a really good show. I agree. It's just a risky territory. You've got to be sure. You've got to be sure. You've got to be sure.

And we've just spent the whole podcast recommending this fucking shit book that someone wrote. So I really hope that that's a good recommendation. And if the TV show is shit. Try that book instead. Do you have a copy? Yeah. Now, this may seem like a fucking cop-out bullshit.

You'll have to see it. But when you've experienced this, it just feels right and it sets up your day. So driving here this morning, a bit of traffic, you know, in the morning and stuff. And there's a part where I drive that goes over this big bridge and you can't merge on the bridge. Yep. And at the other end, it's a bit of chaos and the lanes are going every which way.

Because everyone's trying to get it by the side. There's only two lanes. You can only choose one. And because of the no merge, once you're in it, that's it. You're in, yeah. And this morning, don't I fucking love to see it, I picked the right lane. Get around him.

I wrote a book. So we get about 100 metres and you kind of go around the corner so you can't kind of see into the future. Right, so you really, it's a stab in the dark. It's a fucking blind call and you just go, guess we're going on this one. And then I'm coming around the corner and I go, fuck, it's backed up. But it was only backed up in the other lane

and it was like almost as if 100 people, it was as if I was in the author lane because not many people have written a book thank you so there was one of me and probably the rest of the population on the like literally probably five cars to a hundred and you can't change because it's on the bridge and yeah it's like a fixed line yeah and so i'll just cruise along haven't i picked the right one wow isn't today gonna today going to be a great day? God, aren't you just one of the people? Not only is Tony's book coming out. Yeah, thank you. But I've picked the right lane.

Congratulations. Oh, sorry, I'm not all fucking, we're not all authors. Yeah, that's all right. We can't all be awesome. We can't all be awesome. We can't all be authors. We can't all misspell a word in a book that's been published. Well, when I picked that lane, sorry that I felt a bit speakle.

That's very funny. I'm sorry. That's very funny. No, I'll give you that. I think that's great because that's the mundane. That does fucking make your day when you go, oh, or when you're running late and the light goes green. I'm fucking on a roll here.

You know, like it's pretty, yeah, no, it's good. That is speakle. I'll give you that one. Yeah, I was also in, you know, autopilot sometimes and I drove to my old house down the road. Pulled up out the front. Here? Yeah, just down here.

Pulled up out the front, went, what the fuck? This isn't where I'm going. No, I'm going to the office. I don't even live here. I've lived here for four months. And then pulled back down to my little street, which as you remember is fucking annoying trying to get out of and then drove around

the corner. You should have just parked there and walked down. Probably would have been closer because my car park is awful. Oh really? I got a really close

one today. Did you drive? I did. Fuck you're an author driving an Audi. What can't you fucking do? Thank you. Can't spell.

Well seriously though congratulations. Thank you guys. It's a very special day. Thank you for my beautiful gift as well. Can we eat. Well, seriously, though, congratulations. Thank you, guys. It's a very special day. Thank you for my beautiful gift as well. Can we eat the ice cream because it is starting to melt? Yes, it is starting to melt. It's dripping off the fucking table.

Okay. I'll chat to you tomorrow. Love you. Bye.