Toni and Ryan - Having a whale (of a time)

Episode Date: May 19, 2024

We've looked into the pregnancy possibilities and are PRETTY SURE it's all good. Love ya!!! Toni xoxoCheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Dr. Arthur Tony Lodge. We are calling Malaysia. Great. Your old hood. This really is my old hood because she's in Kuching, which is I didn't know we had any Kuching tapas,

and we're calling Emmeline. Emmeline, probably. It's probably not Emmeline. It's Madeline, but with an Emma. Yeah, but it's more like Emmeline is how it's. You reckon Emmeline? That's what I do with Mabel. Yeah, but it's more like Emmaline is how it's. You reckon Emmaline? Emmaline. That's what I do with Mabel.

Yeah, maybe it's Mabel. Mabel. Lean. Yeah. Let's find out. Hello? Hello, Emmaline? Hi, Tony and Ryan.

Hello. Now, is it Emmaline or Emmaline? We couldn't figure it out. Emmaline. Okay, and when Ryan says he couldn't figure it out, he means he said Emmaline and I said I don't think that's what it is. But would you, Emmaline, would you approve today's episode for us? Yes, of course.

Yay. Legend. Hi, this is Emmaline from Kuching, Malaysia, and I approve this podcast. You know what looks good on you? What? My dick. That's staying in. Welcome to the show.

To the episode and my pussy. Are we actually leaving that in? Fuck yeah, we are. Welcome to a new week. Tony's got a Taylor Swift t-shirt on and as you've heard, it makes me feel things. Yeah. This week can't be a bad week now that we've started like that. Mate, and you know, for a lot of people it's like 5 a.m.

Monday morning or Sunday night if you're in the U.S. It's going to be a good one. It's going to be a fucking great one. It feels right this week. It does feel right. You're sounding good. Thank you. Looking great.

Thank you. And I've already expressed my feelings towards you. Yeah. This weekend coming up, I'm going to. Mate, that's a full week away. I don't think. But I'm going away for the weekend and I'm turning one on. Daddy's

letting the dog out, the boat out. Sorry. What's the saying? I don't know. Where's BJ going? What? Oh no, he Oh fuck, what are we going to do with him? I don't even think about that. Thanks for bringing that up. BJ's coming to my house I guess. It sounds like BJ's

staying at Aunt Toddy's house for the weekend. Ryan is going to party. You won't. I've ordered a dress up and it is revealing. Ooh, sexy. And you should see Bridget's. Fuck. This is old Ryan energy.

Yeah. What is the saying I was trying to say? Push the boat out. Yeah, but that's normally said like in, you'd never say i'm going to push the boat out you say like fuck i really push the boat out like i shouldn't have okay so but you would say like tie one on i think like we're gonna fucking we're getting into it i'm gonna go party with the gays yeah because the gays don't have kids and they just don't grow up and they're fucking awesome but you do have kids so this is my my concern yeah but they just don't know how we have fun they just this is something my friends don't know how to say fuck i'm pretty tired and it's late i might go to bed

no see that's the only phrase i'm aware of i don't believe in that it's the only thing i know how to say i don't believe in that anyway i've just got my voice back and by next Monday, who fucking knows where we'll be. Yeah, I was about to say yesterday. Do you want to see photos of my outfit as it happens? Yeah, I'd like updates when you're there. Okay. First though, Tony is on the record for saying having sex

at the beach sucks. Yep. And to direct quote the Lord herself, for saying having sex at the beach sucks. Yep. And to direct quote the Lord herself, I believe you said you end up full of sand. You do end up. I think I said dirt. Yeah. I believe.

You have to declare yourself at customs because you end up full of dirt. Fuck, that's funny. Did I say that? You did say that. Fuck, I'm good. Yes, I don't like it i i'm the same with many uh experimental sexual positions not actual positions uh locations i should say let's move from the beach because i think in theory fun in reality nah it seems like so sexy, but it is. It's cold too.

The shower. No. I think it depends on the size of your shower. Yeah. I think it depends on a few things, but you end up not being the right kind of wet. Whilst that is a hilarious line, I think everyone knows what you're saying. It's the same as a pool or a spa or whatever. Like you're just wet.

You're not like. Slippery wet. You're stuck wet. Yeah. It's the wrong. Yeah. You're wet. I think everyone's nodding.

Everyone's going, I also don't know how the fuck to explain it, but we all get it. You're like wet, not moist. No, that's bad, isn't it? Moist. You're wet. I also don't know how the fuck to explain it, but we all get it. You're like wet, not moist. No, that's bad, isn't it? Moist. Now, yes. Sorry. It's going to be a bad week now.

Yeah. We just pumped up everyone's week and now it's going to be shit. I heard a story on Triple J last week, which is an Australian youth radio station. It's trendy. It's like- Young, cool kids. If people say like, oh, yeah, I'm just listening to the Js. Like. It's trendy. It's like- Young, cool kids. If people say like, oh, yeah, I'm just listening to the Jays. Like, that's cool.

Do people still say the Jays? They used to say that when I was younger. They say that. Sophie's the coolest person on our team. She's naughty. Even us saying, do people still call it that, tells you everything you need to know about Tony and I and our relationship with Triple J.

The only time I've ever listened to Triple J is on Hottest 100 Day. Hottest 100, the greatest day of the year. And like every year we'll listen to that, but like not the rest of the year. Sometimes here at Tony and Ryan HQ. Tarp Tower. Tarp Tower. We've read out some Tarp stories or confessions and we've been called out for not calling them out

as maybe did this or did this not happen we just read them verbatim yeah and sometimes when we are reading a story we get so into the fact that we're doing it for each other yeah that you kind of suspend your disbelief to enjoy the story, but then when we hear it back or someone goes, well, that didn't happen, we go, yeah, probably not. This story from Triple J, absolutely fucking not. Absolutely fucking not. So was this the hosts telling a story?

No, no, someone's called in and I've got the call here. What? Did Torbs get that for you on the media logger? No, but I should have asked him. You should have. It'd be great. But basically there's like on Sunday night, it's called The Hookup. It's like a sex and relationship show. Cool. Sunday night. And this guy calls in. Now we can debate the merits of it after, but I think for the 40 seconds, let's just enjoy it for what it's worth. Suspend your disbelief.

Yes, absolutely. But this is what some guy called into the ABC's Triple J. The J's. To say. I was teaching this particular person how to scuba dive, and there was a fair bit of chemistry during the lessons, I guess you could say. This particular dive site had what's called a swim through,

which is like an underwater cave, which at the end there's a sandy bottom and kind of a hole in the ceiling with a big god beam of light coming down. And we got to the back of the cave and both knelt down on the sand and took our regulators out and shared a cheeky kiss. And her hands started wandering.

And the next thing I know, the board shorts are down around the knees and we did the deed. Very sort of awkward. At the end, I pulled out and we both watched a big school of tropical fish eat the cum. Aren't you wearing a wetsuit? You're not in board shorts, is it? And are they still underwater?

They're very much underwater. Well, okay. There's a lot to unpack here. Or is there? Well, just the fishing that come actually feels like the most realistic part of the story. And that is saying something. That is saying something.

Does anyone? You wouldn't even be able to get into each other because you would be floating around. Yeah, so this is what I'm thinking. So like say. You're also huffing and puffing. You would swallow water and die. Yeah, yeah.

So. That guy, I don't even think he's a licensed scuba instructor. Does anyone here have their PADI open water scuba diving certificate that allows them to go up to 10 metres in depth? Oh, here we fucking go. Yes, Sophie. Anyone? Anyone?

Doug, yes. Any questions? I've got my bronze medallion, okay, which is normally my light thing that I bring out and Sophie's got a better one than me and I don't like that. Do you reckon in what race in Olympic swimming could you not come last in? Any.

Name one. No, like I'm a great swimmer. I know you're a great swimmer, but which event would you not come last in? Just not win, but just not come last. Yeah. I like for a second there you were like, well, I could win a few. No, well, I could, but I'm just like narrowing it down. I reckon I could fucking not come last in Backstroke.

Yeah? Yeah. You do do your best work looking up at the ceiling. But, I mean, I'm no scuba diver. So I think, first of all, for me, I think the same thing you were saying. If you were to like, now let's just all pretend that Ryan has a better vocabulary than the word hump and let's all be adults. Let's all be adults.

Sorry, you hadn't said that yet when I laughed. Yeah. Let's all be adults and just accept the word hump for what it is. You couldn't hump. If you hump them, you would push them away and they would just float off. There would be no, there's no like, sorry, I'm humping. Yeah, but there's like when you pull out to then push back in, you would just push them away.

You would hump them away. Hump back while. Sorry. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I do. No, and that's what I'm saying. There'd be not enough like opportunity for friction to actually come. Sorry, it's really hard.

Fucking the table in here. And it is. We're learning a lot about her ways of going about things. But do you know what? I know I do. I do, yeah. Do you know what? If he'd said and she jerked me off, fair play.

I probably wouldn't be asking any questions. Yeah. But him saying, oh, she took my boardies off and I fucked her in the ocean in the fucking, like, no, you didn't. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. water you's off and I fucked her in the ocean in the fucking like no you didn't sorry sorry you're just being very descriptive do you know what I mean like you didn't you didn't um like if but if he'd said she jerked me off I'd be like you know what I maybe believe that have you ever had sexy time in a place where you like shouldn't have had sexy time? I've said this to you before that Torbs will not fuck me in public.

So what will happen sometimes as like when it's like it's almost for a lol. Yeah. It's not for like. It's more to say that you did it. Kind of. Yeah. So in those circumstances, I've been in a circumstance like that where you're like, oh, it's a bit of a cheeky one.

Yeah. You're kind of like. Who was it with and where was it? Okay, you don't have to answer the first question, but answer where it was. It doesn't have to be like the blah in Perth, just like the blah. No, I'll tell you where it was. It was after Color Run on the Sunshine Coast.

That's saucy because you're all like, oh. Yeah, but have you ever done a Color Run? Yeah, I have. You're so full of endorphins. Yeah, that's what I mean. Like you feel hot because you've just run 3Ks or whatever it is. Yeah. Fuck, I could not run 3Ks now.

Running is going really well, you guys. Thanks for asking. I guess what I'm getting at is when there's like a fun one for a like to say you did it. Yeah. You often like don't go to completion. No. So when I hear the underwater story, I go, oh, if it was funny,

if you just like popped it in and then you like giggled. Popped it in. Popped it in. I guess what I'm trying to say is coming in each other. He's not, there's no way he was in for a long enough humping for long enough without humping her away. Or that they got enough friction for him to come. A hundred percent.

That's why I'm saying if she's, if he just said she jerked me off, I'd be like, you know what? That sounds like. Yeah. Now here's a question and please join the tony and ryan facebook group because there's an episode thread based on every episode

has someone ever done the hippity dippity like in the water underwater near the water and can genuinely say oh it was actually great and it was hot. Sophie's got her pitter-patter license or whatever it's fucking called. Sophie? Do you have any comment on whether? Because I reckon it's A, for a lol, or B, you thought it would be great and then you go, oh, that was actually a bit difficult. Or that you kind of grab each other and maybe that's like the foreplay, you know, like you go like, oh, fuck, and then you go.

Then you take it inside. Yes. Sophie? Well, first of all, the wetsuit thing, yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Secondly, the breathing thing.

Yes. Because you're breathing through the regulator. Which he said he took out. To kiss her, but then it implies that he must have put it back in. Put it back in to do the hippie jazzy. But the heavy breathing and stuff, like just, you know. You'd pass out. Yeah, you would pass out.

You can't breathe quickly in those things. Yeah. Exactly. And also you shouldn't be breathing quickly in those things. And if he's an instructor. He should know that. I hope she got her fucking money back. Are you playing she paid for the.

No, no, no, for like the instructor course. Like because he doesn't sound legit to me. No. It just didn't fucking happen. This guy has made up this thing. I doubt he's ever even been in the ocean. I call complete bullshit on this. Has he even seen water?

He lives in Alice Springs. Yeah, there isn't much water there. Nice. Sorry, I've let geography where I want. I've watched you in real time find Alice Springs. Yeah, there isn't much water there. Nice. Sorry, I've let geography wear on. I've watched you in real time find Alice Springs on the map. No, do you know what I thought? Darwin, Alice Springs. Yeah.

Same state, 3,000 kilometres from each other. Yeah, I've been to both and I can say, though, that there is water in Alice Springs, but it's not the ocean. So. Thank you for coming to tony's geography lessons and in other news you can't get railed 10 meters under i just think there's no way yeah and if you were down there with someone i think and you wanted to do the little kiss or whatever you would do it and then you would come out of the water yeah and then go back to your shack bungalow

and you know gob each other there. And that's fine. Especially for a hookup. You don't just randomly pash a fucking stranger. You used to. Underwater. Oh, sorry. Oh, yeah.

Foam party's fine, but underwater. Under foam, yes. Under ocean, no. And I've always said that. Good to know the line. That's the line. Hey, this is Emmaline from Coaching Malaysia and you're Good to know the line. That's the line. Hey, this is Emmeline from Coaching Malaysia and you're listening to Tony and Ryan.

A massive shout out to a few of our champion tapas over at our Patreon. That would never lie to us about a story like that. Tom Fitzy Fitzner. Thanks, Fitzy. How about Fitzner? This and your dick under the ocean. Fitzner. Hardly know her.

Erin Stout. Good on your ears. That's a nickname for Erin now. Marissa Brim. What? Marissa Brim. I hardly know her, Brim. Marissa R ravello what sort of hat do you reckon she likes to wear broad brim um or she's in the ocean guess what kind of fish ate that guy's cum a brim

that's funny that's good fish gear i used to be a fishmonger so i know these things um rissa ravello and nisa Delos Santos, thank you very much for being part of our Patreon. Thank you. We fucking love to see it. We do love to see it. Recently on the show, we've talked about a few tables have shared their stories about what keeps them up at night.

Yeah. And over the weekend, so you're having a big party weekend this weekend coming. The weekend just gone, I had a bit of a party weekend myself. Pushed the boat out. And then the fish ate my gum. Yeah. Pushed the boat out and I jizzed in the ocean and fish ate it.

Yeah, and like I was diving in only a paper dress and you wouldn't believe it. Do you think they could have impregnated those fish? And then like in years to come there will be these like half human, half fish creatures. Okay, so I've actually asked this question to people before and on the internet and apparently like cross species can't get each other pregnant because I did wonder.

Like if you're in the ocean and a whale's like calmed, can that swim up into my body and like. So you give birth to a whale and they go, so who's the father? And the toad's just standing there and he's like, how could you? Sorry, I was just busy having a whale of a time, obviously. It was a sperm whale. Free Willy. And out.

That's very good. Anyway, sorry, don't know where we got up to then. But tobs and I. So we got distracted by giving birth to a whale as a human that's the that's an important distinction people can give birth to whales not to people whales can give birth to a whale yeah and that's how it should stay yeah the traditional way the christian way I hope those whales are fucking married. That's all I'll say.

Anyway, Torbs and I are made of ours. It was his birthday on Friday night and he was having a house party. So we live out in the country now, as you know, and our mate, Sam, he still lives in like South Yarra, Pran kind of area. Fancy boy area. And so we're kind of like Torbjorn gets home from work hell late. Like he gets home around 7, 7.30 and he gets home. So we knew about this party and we're like,

obviously we're not going to go. I did not expect you to go. Yeah. By the time he gets home from work, you're just going to be settled into the couch and there's no way. Because I'd said to you during the day, I was like, oh, like we've got this party tonight. I don't know if we're going to go.

Righto, mate. Righto. Ryan goes, if you text me tonight that you've gone to that party, like hell's fucking frozen over. Anyway, Torbs gets home from work really late and I was like, oh, should we have some dinner and then decide whether we're going to go? And I'm like, here we go. We're going to have this big dinner and then we're're going to go? And I'm like, here we go. We're going to have this big dinner and then we're both going to go.

All good. We have dinner and Torbjorn goes, I wouldn't mind going. And I went, I actually wouldn't mind going either. And then we both looked at each other and went, hang on, I thought that you were going to say no. And then he was like, no. And so then we kind of accidentally both said that we would go and by then it had been decided.

Here I was thinking that the guy coming in the girl under the ocean was going to be the most unbelievable story on today's episode. I know. And now I'm finding out that after dinner, after 8pm, Tony and Torbs decided to go out? Yes. Yeah, and because Torbs kind of went, well, I wouldn't mind going if you want to go, thinking that I'd have to be the bad guy and go, oh, maybe we just stay home.

So you were both too proud to be the person that said no, so then you both had to go. Well, because I was actually like, I wouldn't mind going. Then he went, same. But anyway, so kind of both of us are like half in and we're both like, all right, well, we're going now. And then we look up on Uber and we're like, okay, it's a 35-minute drive from here to the party.

Yep. All right. We order an Uber and as the car's pulling up, we're like locking our front door and as we're walking over to the car, I say, not too late to cancel. Like we just cancel this Uber and we stay home. And we both like laugh and go like, nah, come on, get in the car. We get in the car.

We actually did our wordle in the car because we're actually 50,000 years old. So we're heading out on a Friday night. Doing our wordle in the back of the Uber. And then so we're kind of like chatting and like the Uber driver's just like doing his thing. The radio was on so it was just like no one was really talking or anything.

And as the car is like so we pull into the street and I look at Torbs and I say, it's not too late to change your mind. Like, you know, and he like looks at me and I said, I'm sure this lovely man would turn around and just drive us straight home if we want to. Torbz laughs and the Uber driver like laughs as well because I'm like, oh, like he would drive us home like no questions asked, like we can just bail kind of thing.

And because the Uber driver laughed, I'm like, oh, we're all chatting about this. And I go, wouldn't you? And the guy like laughs and says, are you the girl with that podcast? Oh, celebrity in the Uber. And I went, oh, yeah. Like that, I'm assuming you mean my podcast. Yes, then that is my answer.

And he goes, there's no way they fucked underwater right and i went oh yeah and he goes i've actually driven you like four or five times before four or five and he goes but i've like i haven't wanted to bother you fair enough and i went oh i don't think i've ever had the same Uber driver twice, let alone four or five times. Well, no one's ever, like, said it to me before. And then he goes, yeah, like, I haven't wanted to bother you and ask, and I went, oh. But because we'd all just been, like, laughing together, I go, oh,

was I as funny those times? And he goes, oh. And I went, oh. Okay. That's a diplomatic answer. And then it's, like, kind of of a bit awkward and I go, oh. But was I? That's not good.

Was I nice at least? He doesn't say anything. Why are you still talking? He stops the car. And jumps off the bridge. Unlocks the doors. And like we're at the party. Asian answer. So I've gone like, was I funny In the. Asian answer.

So I've gone like, was I funny? And he went, oh, huh. And then I said, oh, well, I hope I was nice. And he goes, nothing. Zip. Doodah. Fucking zilch. How's your Uber rating?

Oh, it's all right. Not great? No, it's good. Why would you not have been nice? You're always nice. You're always annoyingly nice. Well, that's what I thought. Maybe you were putting it on a bit thick.

Maybe. And he's going, oh, you're a bit of a fucking dick. Just shut the fuck up. Yeah. Just let me drive, you stupid bitch. But I've gone, oh, well, I hope I was nice. And he's just nothing. And I have not slept since.

I wouldn't expect you to have slept. Because are you fucking serious? Four or five times he's never said anything. Message him. No. Because you know how there's a thing that's like the idea of messaging is like, oh, I think I left my coat in the back. Yeah.

So you can like click on the trip. Yeah. Are my AirPods in the back seat or whatever? No fucking way. I can't be let down again. I think you should go like, dear sir, are my AirPods in the backseat? Also, do you hate me? Well, should I have tipped him maybe?

Given him like a huge tip and been like, yeah. And then. I don't know how this works. You can't just be a mean diva in the backseat and then pay him off. I'm not a mean diva. That's not what he thinks. I'm not a mean diva. That's not what he thinks. I'm not a mean diva. Definitely not.

What have you done? But I don't think I've done any. Like I've literally, I've never had a problem with an Uber driver before. I think the mistake you made, other than being a complete bitch apparently, is. Fuck, tell me how you really feel. Is asking. I know it started as a lol.

Yeah. So when he kind of went, just shut the fuck up and get out of the car and go to the party. But I just could not believe like how it was cold. Four or five times. It was fucking frosty. If you're a bitch once out of five, and this is for anyone. Yeah, you only remember the one.

No, but I think there's also like everyone has good days and bad days and one out of five, whatever. And not being a bitch because you're not a bitch anyway, but like if you're a bit more quiet on one of the days, you go, oh, it's just one of those days. But he has had a sample size of four or five enough to warrant a response of, ugh, which to me says at least three times. You were.

It's just not my style, though, to be not polite. So I don't know what I'm hoping has happened. Maybe he doesn't like your aggressive niceness. Maybe he just didn't hear me. Maybe he didn't hear me. As someone who's been in the same suburb as you, there is no chance in hell that someone has not heard you. I know that that's not a compliment, but I really like it.

No, it's not a compliment. Stop nodding and going thank you. No, that isn't a compliment. So I'm not really sure where I stand with this Uber driver. I know what you stand. You need to get the Ola. I need to swap delivery. Yeah, what's the other one? Lynx. Or maybe I get the Ola. I need to swap delivery. Yeah, what's the other one?

Lynx. Or maybe I should. Didi. Didi. Didi. You need to get on the Didi. Maybe I should just have driven. Or stayed home.

This is what happens when you leave the house. Great fucking point. This is what happens when you leave the house. Great fucking point. Did you have KFC on your couch that night? Nah. Maccas. Oh, when you got home?

Yeah. Yeah, okay. Did he even drive you home? No. Were you scared? I was. You looked at Uber home and you're like, this motherfucker turns up again. Well, when you got home? Yeah. Did he even drive you home? No. Were you scared? I was. You looked at Uber home and you're like, this motherfucker turns up again. Well, because then I'm like.

Do you want some chips and Maccas, mate? Well, because then I'm like, okay, well, the options are going to this party or stay in this Uber where this guy doesn't think I'm nice. So we went to the party, obviously, because it was the only option. Did he pick you up from home? Yeah, he did. So he knows where you live. Yeah.

And I bet you he knows anyway because he's apparently driven me quite a few times. And I said, oh, do you live out in Reza? And he goes, no, I live in here. So obviously every time he's gotten me is either like he's been dropping someone off and then grabbed me on his way back. But were you doing more Ubers when you were in Richmond? Maybe it was from those days. Oh, yeah, maybe.

Because how many Ubers are you doing, bro? Very rarely. That's what I mean, yeah. And I also don't drink a lot. So normally when we go out, I just drive depending on what the parking situation might be. So what kind of energy were you giving off on the way home? Well, I was like, hello, how are you going?

Yeah. Because I just thought, you know, I really need to amp it up for the Uber drivers. I need to be nicer. Oh, but I mean like at the party, did you make the most of not driving? Oh, no, no. I had two pals, you know, those like seltzer things. Had two of those.

That was nice. Sammy put on a nice brisket, which was quite good, but I'd already eaten dinner. So I'd had a steak and veggies at home. Do you know what I'm saying? I didn't see Sam as the I'm putting on food at a house party type. I think his housemate made it. That sounds more like it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But anyway, so they had a nice spread and it was good. They had a fire pit that just really, it was really smoky. And you know how that just gets. Fire pits are a scam. You know how they get in your clothes and everything just stinks. It stinks like smoke. It's fucked.

Here's the thing. And this is a dear real estate industry pick up the pen i don't know who like real estate agents believe a house will not sell without a fire pit because every single house has a fucking fire pit and let me tell you why they're fucking stupid if it's hot let's go outside you don't need a fire pit if it's cold well don't go outside because it's cold i understand what at what temperature do you want to be outside with a fire when you're not a teenager i get the whole like we're camping i get the whole like the parents are inside let's go out the back and light a fire because it's kind of fun yeah but if it's winter

stay inside and if it's summer don't light anything on fire. What temperature do you need a fucking fire pit? I do get it as like a spot to like gather around, but I hate them because like I always end up in the spot where the fucking smoke is blowing. It doesn't matter where I sit down. There's always one in a friendship group and then you swap sides and then it follows you around. And then it follows me around. It's because of the ghosts. It doesn't matter where I sit down. There's always one in a friendship group. And then you swap sides and then it follows you around. And then it follows me around.

Like I'm just. It's because of the ghosts. It must be. And I always just end up sitting in the wrong spot. And you know when like. The smoke follows the humor. It follows the funniest. Yeah.

Oh, it's swung around. Yeah. But you know like when you've had a ciggy or someone's like had a cigarette and like there's a around. Yeah. But, you know, like when you've had a ciggy or someone's like had a cigarette and like there's a smell. Yeah. But a bonfire is so different to that. It is. And like you can't get it out of your hair or your clothes or anything.

It's like thick. And it just like. You smell the next morning. It gets in your lungs. Yeah. And so I was like, and I've been at big like bonfire birthday parties and stuff before, which obviously this fire pit paled in comparison to something like that.

But like you feel like you've got a croaky throat the next day. Did you smoke a few durries? No. Pull any bongs? No, I didn't rip any bongs. I did a bucky bong. Oh, great, the old fashioned way. Gravity bong.

Like half a Coke bottle into their fucking bucket of water. Oh, they were the days. Yeah. Not that I'd ever do that, but. All right. Do you want to, here's the nichest question also for the episode thread. Nichest question for the episode thread. Have you driven Tony Lodge?

No, I don't want to. Nah, I'd rather not know. No, I don't. Oh, no, because we can get Rick name. Yep. He's driven you because we can get Rick name. Yep. He's driven you from Atlanta to Chicago. Wow. I didn't ask him to stop for me for the toilet once.

Yeah, because you didn't need to because I was asking him every 15 minutes. Plus he, Matt, also. He's a peer. He's a peer. So we're all getting along. Yeah. Please, Matt, let us know your thoughts. No, I actually don't want to ask that because I really don't want people, people to say

that I was an asshole. I try so hard to be nice. You do. Too hard. That's probably why he voted you down. That's it. I'm never fucking getting an Uber again. I'm just going to drive everywhere.

Um, I got to love to see it here guys. Now here at the Tony and Ryan podcast, we are firm believers that hot cross buns are a year-round activity. Year-round food. I think big hot cross bun maybe has some like legal copyright, naming right things where you can only legally sell hot cross buns in the lead up to and during Easter. Yeah. I think that might be the case.

But Christy Lee McNamara, who's a tarpa, who is fucking finger on the pulse. If it's got a pulse, Christy will finger it. Yep. She believes that Aldi supermarket in Geelong has found a workaround because they don't want to interrupt big hot

cross buns. Yeah. Well, the legal battle as well that they're going through, yeah. She's taken a photo. Aldi supermarket in Geelong is selling spiced fruit buns which happen to have a cross on them. I have seen these.

There's a photo. Yep. And she goes, they're not hot cross buns. No. They're spiced fruit buns with a cross. That happen to have a cross. A cross to have a cross. A cross. Now, they're available all year round at the Aldi in Geelong, and she says, don't you just fucking love to see that?

I do love to see that because I fucking love a hot cross bun. Now, those buns don't have a pulse, but best believe Christy's fingers got in them. Do you know what is good about a hot cross bun is that they're so moist and dense? They're so soft. They're so soft. They're so soft. They're so thick and soft at the same time. Do you know what is mean though?

Have you ever had like brioche fruit toast? Jesus fucking Christ. That slaps. That can get me pregnant 100% of the time. So you're giving birth to a whale or a hot cross brioche? It's twins. Separate chromosome. You know, they're not identical.

Whatever that one is. Yeah, yeah. I know what you mean. Massive shout. Nope, not doing champion tapas. I've got a lot to say here. Sorry, I'm rattled about the thing. From Kate Cassell.

Thank you very much, Kate, for sending this through. Kate says, my niece Amber is a huge fan of your show. Hey, Amber. Hi, Amber. And today is her 22nd birthday and she's about to qualify as a dental nurse. Fuck yeah. We've just passed the nine-year anniversary of Amber losing her mum, and she's smashing life so hard, and Kate says,

and I'm just so, so proud of her. So a big shout-out to Amber, a big happy birthday, sending you lots of love, and congrats on fucking becoming a dental nurse. That's huge. That is massive. Just killing life. Just slaying life. Smash it, bitch. Love that. Love you, Amber. Go fucking get yourself

some brioche fruit toast as a treat. Don't let your dentists know. They don't like the butter and shit. Do you think that if I put fruit into my sour dough, that would be fruit sourdough? But, like, is that a thing? Would that be nummies? I think it would be because you can add a, yeah,

it'd just be like fruit toast, like raisin toast. That would be good. Sourdough. Yeah, but get, like, thick raisins. Sometimes people call them figs. Sorry, you've just said so much stuff. No, because I like a big chunky fruit in the bread. Yeah.

But you can get like a big chunk of apricot in there. I think a sultana is juicier than a raisin. Like a sultana is normally a bit more plump. You've just offended so many. Raisins? Yeah. No, but like you're saying you want a thick s plump. You've just offended so many. Raisins? Yeah. No, but like you're saying you want a thick Sultana. I think a raisin or whichever one around that I said.

Yeah. Sultana brand though, that can get it. Fucking. How long has it been since we talked about Sultana brand? We talked about it in January because we did it for our ins and outs. Did I say ins for the year Sultana brand? Yeah. Well, I haven't followed through as hard as I should have.

I went through a little phase. Do you know what? We were at the other studio. You know the other- Because we found the gluten-free one and I fucking destroyed it. Do you know how the other week you and I watched Tomcats and ate cereal on my couch? I was crunching up though.

Yeah, but we could do that again and watch a different shit movie and eat some Sultana brand. That would be mean. That actually sounds like a great day. And I won't have to Uber there, which is great news. I'll have to Uber home because I'm going to eat that much Sultana brand. That you're going to pop open. Torbs can drive you.

My boyfriend can drive. All right, we're distracted, but yes. Oh, yep. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Would you love to see Sultana brand? No, it was Amber Gentleness. Great, pretty similar. Love them both.

I hope that Amber loves Sultana Brand. Yep, and I'd love to see that. Yeah. Fucking love ya. Tomorrow we have confessions. These are tough confessions. There's actually a moral dilemma that we all face as tarpers here because what's your vibe you know when you go and speak to a lawyer and there's like what's it called like i've never spoken to a lawyer before

no but you've watched suits and like law and order you're talking to your defamation lawyer. No. No, it's like that. It's not patient. Client attorney privilege. Yeah. So tomorrow on the show. Is that? Yeah. That's the thing. It's in the movies and stuff, right?

Yeah. Yeah. The phrasing of, you know, when you're talking to your lawyer is funny. So tomorrow I've got a confession. Do you know what I've got to do? I've got to get a will. I don't have a will. I've really got to do that. You need a lawyer for that. That's what a confession. Do you know what I've got to do? I've got to get a will. I don't have a will. I've really got to do that.

You need a lawyer for that. That's what reminded me. Do you have a way? No, because I don't have a will, so I don't have a way. Can I leave everything to Pippa, like legally? Yeah. That's cute. This bazillionaire left everything to their dog,

and one of them was like, you have to take the dog to this country for holidays every summer, and they did it. That's amazing. Someone is the, what do you call it, the executor or the. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Someone was left in charge and they got left some money to carry out the. The wishes of the dog getting to go on holidays.

Oh, that's cute. We've got a confession from someone in the medical industry. Medical comedy gone wrong. No, but it's like, I know confessions are anonymous, but it actually has to be because I'm not supposed to tell. Oh, no, don't, because that gives me the heebie-jeebies that my doctors have passed on information I've given them. What have you told them?

Well, just, you know. You're at the doctor. I was at the doctor the other week. So, you know, I've got this lump. The mole on the back of your head. Yeah, so I've got this lump on my head.'s like it turns out it's not a mole because i said i asked him i go what's this lump and he kind of goes he goes i don't know if this is medical speak the doctor goes it's just part of you don't worry about it also this is the doctor that i only go to to get like sick leave certificates and not medical advice have i told you about this guy um that is a bit of a cowboy yeah yeah i mean he's not the guy that i'm go to to get like sick leave certificates and not medical advice. Have I told you about this guy?

That is a bit of a cowboy, yeah. Yeah. I mean, he's not the guy that I'm listening to about a fucking lump on my head. Well, I was in there to get a script and I was like, oh, what? That's what they said about my mum. It's just a part of you. Dead now. Yeah. We kill a part.

They go, this tumour is that? And they go, this is part of you. I would just ignore it. So anyway, he's got people like waiting at the, like literally sitting at the door. At your doctor? Yeah. Or your lawyer? Did you say? Doctor. Oh it. So anyway, he's got people like waiting at the like literally sitting at the door. At your doctor or your lawyer? Did you say? Doctor. Oh yeah. Well, he's both. It's a real two for one. Legally, you

can't go to work tomorrow. People sitting right up at the door and like people waiting to go and can literally just hear what you're saying. So this is what they've heard. I've got this lump and he goes turn around give me a look and he goes oh that's just a party and he goes it's hairy yeah and and i okay then i walked out the door and then this girl i'm like because i'm back in living where i used to where i grew up and i go oh I went to high school with you. And she goes, oh.

How's that lump? And why is it so hairy? And it's a part of you. Did she go, did you ask about, but like she knows what you asked about. She goes, are they talking about that thing we all talk about in school? She hasn't seen the back of my head up close like you have. Oh, like me.

Yeah. All right. You know what? We'll be back tomorrow. But are we going to break patient doctor privilege? Is that allowed? I feel like if they're – do you remember when we shared those x-rays that people had sent us and then someone commented and they were like,

they shouldn't have those. And I was like, that's a great fucking point. Great point. People just willingly gave us people's things. Names weren't in it. If there's no names and this medical professional has sent it through, then I, like. Also, as two fuckheads with a podcast, which I say with love,

that's actually not my responsibility. Yeah, I don't have a doctor's license. Like, I'm not the one. I'm not breaking the law. Yeah. You're the one that broke it, not me. If you're sending it to me, dog, I can't control that. Fuck it, hear it tomorrow.

Right. Okay. As a doctor, I'm on board. Okay, great. Chat to you tomorrow. Love you, bye.