Toni and Ryan - Hellboy Horn Dog

Episode Date: March 25, 2024

We have two WONDERFUL confessions today - genuinely fab. Love ya xoxoCheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Dr. Podcast. You need a Ludens. What's a Ludens? Cough drop. You know, the ones that I told you about the other day that are basically candy. What are you a Ludens to? Oh, we are calling Liz Liby in Atlanta. Liz Liby in Atlanta with the Ludens. Lot of Ludens in the Liz Liby. Hello? Liz!

Liz! It's Tony and Ryan. Hi! How are you guys? We're great. How are you? Good. I'm so sorry I missed your call.

I totally forgot that I had silence unknown colors on, on my phone. It happens a lot. A lot of people have, it's like a default. So keep that in mind. Future approvers. Yeah. And whilst everyone else didn't hear the brew,

ha ha. Let it be known that this isn't the first 10 times we've tried to call Liz Laby today. That's okay. That's all right. We tried you Liz. We finally got you. Yep.

And, uh, will you approve today's podcast? Uh, it would be my absolute pleasure. Oh, didn't think that you were taking calls today, but glad we finally got you. Yeah, we got there. We made it.

We made it. Hey, this is Liz from Atlanta, and I approve this podcast. Coming up today, if you're alive in 2024, we're experiencing something that our grandparents thought was a luxury. Ooh. And it's normal for us. Normal or nah. And depending on which city in Australia you were brought up in,

it was either a special treat or extremely normal. Okay. And I reckon every country will also have their like, oh, yeah, this end of the country did it and that other side did not. Oh. You know that in WA we call like we've got retic, which isn't a thing. What's retic?

Exactly right, on the eastern states. So I was a lawn guy. But, yeah, like reticulation, which is like built-in water sprinklers and it's called retic. How much time have you spent Googling lawn-based stuff? No, so this is actually because when i worked in radio um we got a commercial voiced by someone who happened to be in victoria and it was like for all your retic needs and it got sent back and it was like for all your retic needs and we were like what the what the hell like how would you get that wrong and

we were like oh reticulation is not a thing anywhere but in WA. Isn't that interesting? Not really. And for all your lawn-based facts, subscribe to the Tony and Ryan podcast. Sorry, if it's your first day, I'm so sorry. No, this is normal for us now because yesterday Tony's taught. Lawn chat. Did someone just do a wheelie in the driveway? I think, yeah, it did sound like that actually.

A wheel! Yeah, it was like. No one else would have heard that, but someone has just turned it up. Yeah. Yeah, it's a big day. Now let's do some top confessions. Top confessions, not top confessions. Tony and Ryan podcast.

They submit these at our website, TonyandRyan.com.au. There's a little tab that says submit your stories and you can do normal on ours confessions or just like any fucked story you've got. Any crook stories. Yeah. This one. You won't ducking believe it.

I've found my people. Oh. For as long as I can remember, I've been obsessed with rubber ducks. Rubber ducks? Like for the bath? Yeah, like a rubber ducky. Cute. I stumbled upon.

You know the song? Rubber ducky, you're the one. Can you just block your ears while I ask these guys a question? Clastendine? Clastendine? Clastendine? Candestine. Tony.

Clandestine. Clandestine. Let me read this sentence to you you tony and you tell me how you'd pronounce it sorry yep i stumbled upon the clastendine world of rubber ducks oh yeah yep clastendine i don't know what it is but i know the word you're saying yeah i've seen the brand online anyway there's a bunch of rubber duck collectors. That sounds really crazy, but yeah, I know. Every week we gather in a semi-secret location surrounded by shelves filled with rubber ducks of every shape, color, and size imaginable. We exchange stories about our prized rubber ducks, engage in heated debates over the most valuable ones, and even organize covert rubber duck auctions if people are looking to move some of their assets.

Oh, my God. It's the underbelly of rubber duckies. We discuss duck-themed conspiracy theories and debate the merits of various rubber duck artists who are well-known to the community. I actually love this because there is nothing more special than finding people that love the same stuff as you. Well, you think you're the only one and then you find your people and you go, oh, this feels right.

There's this whole world, yeah. Every rubber duck has its own unique personality and we've assigned them roles in our elaborate rubber duck soap operas. Soap opera? To the outside world, I'm just a regular person with a fondness for rubber ducks, but little do they know I'm part of a tight-knit community dedicated to the art and history of rubber duck appreciation, and I love it. I love that for you. Yeah. Because there's nothing better than finding your people. Found them.

That just, you know, I love the same. Like I wouldn't have, and this, I'm not trying to be offensive. I sound like you are. But if I looked at Two Rubber Ducks, I probably wouldn't be able to tell a lot of difference. But I love that it's like a collectible. Have you watched that show they made about like the Beanie Baby thing? No, but I've seen Duckwing Duck. I have also seen Duckwing Duck.

I had the game on my Game Boy. That's my favourite because he had the duck tail jacket. Yeah. Yeah. It was great. He just put the cloak up. Yeah. Yeah.

I had the game on Game Boy and that was real sick because you could, that was one of the moves. It was like you had to put the little cloak up. I love that for them. And I mean, aside from my lawn, no, aside from probably like Pippa and I really love my job as well. But like I don't really like I'm not really super into anything. Stand-up paddle boarding?

Well, I was about to say like there's lots of hobbies that I enjoy, like jack-of-all- all trades, master of none. But to be super into something I think is cool. Does Mapes have any rubber ducks? Maybe we could get some professional insight into a good, like a starter rubber duck. I don't know if we've got rubber ducks, but we've definitely got a few little bath things.

And we've got these books that when they're dry, they're like black and white and then you put them in the bath and they turn into colour. Oh, my God. The water changes them and stuff. Oh, my God. Because she loves books. Reading, not great, but she just loves turning the pages. She loves turning the pages.

That's cute. So in the bath. And I love that plasticky feel. I love that feeling of those books. So every night, bath, that's Dad's job. Yeah. And so we'll have a bath. That's nice.

Yeah. A little book in's job. Yeah. And so we'll have a bath. That's nice. Yeah. A little book in the bath. Yeah. To go from something really cute to one of the most cooked confessions we'll have. Oh, great. Should we stop confessions? Like, is it time?

Should we take a break? Like, I don't know. I think we'll all agree this is one of the greats. Okay. Or will we? No, actually, we definitely won't. Oh, okay. I am violently allergic to Hellboy movies.

What? Whenever I watch Hellboy, I can't help but need to masturbate. I'm instantly damp. What? Hang on. No, sorry. Google Hellboy. But allergic, but you like it?

Well, some people's allergies break out in hives or a rash. Her allergy is the need to masturbate. Hellboy movie? Which is Hellboy. Oh, because it says like there's a comic. Yeah, there's lots of stuff. Yep. Yeah, okay.

But The Red Man? When I watch Hellboy, I can't help but need to masturbate and I'm instantly damp. I have never, ever watched Hellboy in full because I get so hot from watching Hellboy I can't last the whole movie without experiencing an orgasm. Okay. I must not be alone because there is Hellboy porn

and Hellboy porn comic strips. The fact these exist means surely other people think Hellboy is just as hot as I think he is. Fuck, say Hellboy again. Yep. One time I was at the movies with my friends people think Hellboy is just as hot as I think he is. Fuck. Say Hellboy again. Yep. One time I was at the movies with my friends and a Hellboy trailer came on without warning so they didn't go to see a Hellboy movie like the trailer came on.

Oh yeah, you've got to be careful. You never know when Hellboy's going to pop up. I had to excuse myself because I never knew when Hellboy was going to pop up. My leg was shaking and I was dripping. I don't know if it's a blessing or a curse but i will always be wet for hell boy um yeah i kind of love that i'm just looking at hell boy which i'm sorry it's the fact that it's boy it's just like so funny hell boy um it's just like a red it's like the blue man group, better red guy.

But red boy. But also the fact that Ryan keeps saying hell boy, which is so fucking funny. I'm just reading what they said. Yeah, but you're saying hell boy when it's obviously hell boy. You're saying the same word twice. No. But I'm really stuck on the detail of saying I'm allergic to it. It makes me wet.

Like I don't understand. Wouldn't you? Well, allergic means your body reacts and her reaction is being wet. I'm just Googling. Caused by or relating to an allergy. Have a strong dislike for. Allergic doesn't mean a reaction. It means like it's bad.

Well, she doesn't like being wet on demand when it's not her choice. I think I'm just stuck on the phrasing of that. Imagine if a Hellboy trailer came on and you weren't expecting it. That's bad. Yeah. Or if you're listening to this, what if someone else suffers this affliction and we've just talked about Hellboy all this time. They've dissolved.

Yeah, they're allergic to feeling horny. Like I think I'm just really confused about why you would say allergic, but let's move past it. I love it. I'm not going to yuck your yum if you think that this person's real hot and fucking go for it. I don't think they've said like I have decided or I like it. They're just like it just happens.

Just a visceral. Response. Yeah. Similar to when Tony sees like a big boy with shit tats. But that's because I like that. Yeah. I've decided that. Yeah, okay.

So it's not an allergy you have. No, but I think that's where I'm getting stuck on the allergy. I'm just, I'm looking at it and like I get it. He's like, I guess he's like real muscly. But I don't know if there's like horns on his allergy. I'm just, I'm looking at it and, like, I get it. I guess he's, like, real muscly. But I don't know if there's, like, horns on his head. I don't really. I've never seen. So this is a film. Oh, yeah, Sony Pictures.

Yeah, and a comic. Oh, it's Ron Perlman. Oh, that's funny. Oh, hang on. There's a new Hellboy in the works with David Arbour in it, the guy from Stranger Things, the guy that's married to Lily Allen. Yeah. That would be, yeah, I'd fucking watch that.

Ooh, look at him in Hellboy. I'd fucking watch that. Would you? What the Hellboy. Would you get to the end of that film? I'd get to the end of me, I reckon. Jeez, you've changed your tune in the last seven seconds yeah no i just like i think i understand i just needed to get myself the allergic thing yeah the allergic

thing is really i think people will agree with me on that is there something in this world that whenever you see it or think about it you're just like besides me yeah so look at me like i'm a piece of meat. Put that tongue back in your face. I'll take you to hell, boy. Oh, I know what mine is. Yeah. When someone says that. Yeah.

Fuck. Yep. I was going to have to sip your water. Yeah, have a little sippy of your pump, lum infusion or whatever it's fucking called. Yeah. Fuck. Send your confessions through to, oh, or fucking called. Yeah. Fuck. Send your confessions through to, or don't.

Yeah. Fuck. Tonyandryan.com.au. Let's just take a little breather. Hey, this is Liz from Atlanta and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive shout-out to a few of our champion tapas over at our Patreon. It's an absolute pleasure to have you. Tapas, Tony and Ryan Podcast.

Tristan Snyder. What? Tristan Snyder. Marco Gallerani. Good on you, Marco. Natalieani, good on you Marco, Natalie Sanford, Antoinette Ashley and Rebecca Avery. Thank you so much for being part of our Patreon. We absolutely love to see it.

Should we start this bit with a meditation? Oh, that sounds lovely. You are a beautiful person. You are smart. You are a beautiful person. You are smart. You are capable. You are worthy of love. And you are worthy of air conditioning. Yeah.

Yeah, I'm an old boy. I got to work yesterday and it was just Sophie here and it was a warm day and I said Sophie why don't you have the air conditioning on yeah because you've obviously walked up and been like fuck it's hot up here

Sophie's originally from Brisbane and she goes, oh. So the hottest place on earth? Yeah, but and this is just a sign of the times. She goes, growing up in Brisbane, like, we'd only use the air con for special occasions. Yeah. Like it was a real treat.

Is that the sort of vibe we were? Yeah, and definitely a ceiling fan family. Yeah, ceiling fan. Me too fan on yeah ceiling family family did you so when i was young younger because i feel like most places have air conditioning now but when i was younger like it was a real treat or like or like no one had it or like rich people shit or real rich people shit or it was like we've got evaporative air con so you can only run it for an hour at a time or the thing drips. Like there was always something. And so I said, Sophie, it doesn't have to be a special occasion.

And she's like, oh, there's no one else here. Like I didn't want to. And I was like, hey, first of all, we've got solar, all good. We do have solar, yeah. Second of all, you are worthy of air conditioning. And also you do shit work if you're hot. Yeah. You know, it's actually our benefit if you turn the air con on.

Absolutely. So when I was little, we had this box that was on wheels. Oh, fuck. Like it was huge. Yeah. And it had this hose that kind of had to go to the smaller box that would have to like go out the window. Because you know how now it's all like plumbed in.

Yeah. But at the time we'd have to like, well, which window are we going to stick the hose out? out yeah you can still buy ones that do that yeah but the box was huge and so noisy like you couldn't sleep with it on because like like a fucking generator yeah yeah yeah and so whilst it blew out cool air the energy it had to generate to work heated the room up yeah because it's like wearing away. Yeah, and so you go, I can feel you blowing the cool air, but the net gain in the room.

Is probably a loss. Yeah, like we're way off. So you did well on your exam, obviously, because that was some real economics chat that you just did, the net gain and the loss. We won't find out until next week, but thank you for acknowledging that. Sounds like you did pretty well. But I think depending on

where you live aircon can be normal it can be non-existent or there's that middle ground which i think it was for us in our childhood yeah it's like a special treat so we um we were also a ceiling fan family yeah and we like didn't like have aircon and it wasn't even something like oh we don't have air con it just wasn't something we even thought about and it wouldn't like but we we did have a pool so if it was really hot and it was like oh it's really hot in the house like mom and dad would be like go jump in the pool and you'd go actually yeah i'll just fucking launch myself in and then go back to like whatever i was doing dad had a pool and no air con so he'd like i'd just he'd go to bed bed soaking wet yeah and just lay there wet yeah because you'd be like this is and then

because you've got the obviously obviously but you're laying there because your hair's wet and stuff and you've got the ceiling fan on it's like hitting your wet skin yeah but um mom and dad put in a split system like one box yeah into the lounge room like where we used to have dinner uh when i was like 16 yeah um and we weren't allowed to use it so they like put it on and it was like a real hot put it in sorry and it was a real hot day and i was like oh surely put the air con on and mum's like oh well you know it costs fortune to run yeah i went well you just spent a fortune to put it in putting it, like, why are we not using it? And I was like, okay, fair enough.

And then one day, like, I remember, like, I was at home by myself and I was like, I'll pop the air con on. And, like, I think mum got home and she went, oh, Todd, well, you can't just run it. And she went around and shut every door in the house. Like. To keep the cold air. To keep the cool in because she, oh, well, it's more expensive.

And I was like, oh, sorry. Like, I didn't know. How would I know? No know no one ever like told me what wasn't allowed you remember though how did it feel crisp yeah crisp but then when i was like 18 we tried to turn it on for something i think it was like when my like we i don't know and i had seized up because it hadn't been used. That's so frustrating. And then we got in trouble for, like, not using it. Don't gaslight me. Why did we fucking get it if you're not going to use it? I'm like, actually.

I've been saying that this whole time. Yeah, I've been trying to put this fucking air. So it sat there unused for however long. Well, it's like when you leave a car in the garage for five years, right? The engine just, you need to turn it over. And that's what you were trying to do. I was trying to do that. And it was like, well, like well i would have used it or also why did you spend the money on putting it in yeah it's so dumb like it just it's just so like counter whatever so we went

to um on like a summer holiday we went to the gold coast and stayed at the ocean blue resort that sounds nice well it was definitely in hindsight like like the kids one because it's got like a kids club and all the like so i think a lot of parents it's a real family one yeah so it wasn't fancy it was just like real like lots of kids stuff so basically that sounds great though i used to love going on family holidays as a kid because you'd make friends with like the other kids and i think that's the one because the parents just go oh run along yeah off you go and i'll just sit by the pool and have a yeah and so and so mum and I are at the Ocean Blue Resort. It's so funny, yeah.

And there was an air conditioner in our hotel room and I think I was like nine or ten years old. And again, I'm just used to this box that doesn't fucking do anything that's only in the lounge room when you've got the hose out the window that lets the heat back in anyway. But then we get into the Ocean Blue Resort. Luxury. Five star. back in anyway. But then we get into the Ocean Blue Resort. Oh. Luxury.

Let's go down. Five star. Let's go down the street and buy ski gear because I want a snow jacket and thick pants so I can sit in the room and have it three degrees. But leave the air con on. Ice that thing down. See, I love being frosty though. Same.

Except for winter. Yeah. And put the heater on and put it up to a thousand degrees. Yeah, I want to sweat. Yeah. Then I want a T-shirt. I want to sweat. Yeah. Then I want a T-shirt and shorts. Because my – I can relate to this because my best friend, Aiden,

her mum and dad, they've got this gorgeous house like in the northern suburbs in Perth. Yeah. And it's real homey. Like their whole family is like kind of crafty and artsy and so they've got like all these beautiful like knick-knacks and drinks, real colourful house. And so they've got like all these beautiful like knickknacks and drinks, real colourful house. And the air con is always on and it's always on fucking 12.

And the house literally is colder than my fridge. And whenever I would go over there, I'd be like, you're rich. You're obviously fucking loaded because your air con's always on zero and it's always on and it's beautiful. And you'd walk in there and like instantly you'd get like goosebumps from being freezing cold and I was like, this is the life. This is what I one day want to provide my family. Was it goosebumps from being just in awe of the richness

or was it literally frostbite setting in? Both. Yeah. Because you're like, wow, this is a real experience. But also my nipples are so hard I could key a car because it's that fucking cold in here. How did you get in the front door? I opened them up myself.

I literally just let my tit in. Sorry for saying that. Yeah. Okay. In the episode thread today, is it like what did you, when you were a kid, think was like a rich person thing? What are we, what's the. Yeah.

I mean. Things that are normal now, but when you're a kid, you're like. Yeah. That was like the epitome of luxury. Yeah. Can I get, I've got one. Silver fridge. A silver fridge?

A silver fridge. What do you mean a silver fridge? Like, you know how like, well, I grew up with a white fridge a silver fridge what do you mean like you know how like well i grew up with a white fridge oh and now well and back then it was like if you had a silver that that was fucking but now i mean they're all still you can't buy a white fridge anymore yeah white fridges feel weird you but you can't i don't even think you can still get them but like back then i remember seeing a silver fridge being like whoa whoa whoa that's huge or like the side by side ones yeah like like a french door fridge if i saw that i'd be like wow your parents must be like superstars movie stars yeah like side by

side fridge was a real moment when i still don't have one like i still yeah i'm not not fancy enough for that no No. Does your Audi have a side-by-side fridge in it? It does, yeah. Yeah, next to my lawn mower. If you didn't grow up with air conditioning, because I sleep

hot and Bridget's the opposite. I love being cold at night. So when if Bridget's away or I'm away for work, like when we travelled the US. Oh, that aircon, sweetheart. That was in New York. Poor hotels. Yeah, yeah.

Just fucking. I moved the ice machine into my room because I was like, I need some extra cold in here. Oh, well, also, I think it was in Dallas or maybe Fort Worth where my hotel room was where the ice machine was. Oh. And I think there was a party down in the hallway because the boys from like in the army just like knocked off.

You can hear them like scooping out the. Oh, no. Like it's a refill. Yeah, yeah. That was a nightmare. Oh, okay. Well, we won't have that then. But, yeah, what did you, when you were a kid,

that you saw other kids had or other families had or whatever. That must be rich. That you went, fuck, they must be loaded. Yeah, and we'll go through some next week. Yeah. Fuck. Pretty nice. That's got me revved up. I've got to love to see it here. Yeah, and we'll go through some next week. Yeah. Fuck. Pretty nice. That's got me revved up.

I've got to love to see it here. Oh, please. Alicia. Hi, Alicia. I found this on LinkedIn and I thought I would share it with Tarpers as I know Tony Lodge LinkedIn is big on Facebook. Yeah. Long walk for a short drink of water.

Well, Alicia said that I don't have friends on LinkedIn and I just didn't know who to share this with. So she was like Elise said that like, I don't have like friends on LinkedIn. I just didn't know who to share this with. So she was like, actually though, I just like wanted to share this because I thought it was hilarious. So I'll share it with the tapas. A company has done a restructure and you had sometimes they go,

oh, those two departments are now one department and that one is merging into that and one of those on. So one of the new departments is business development sales and marketing business development sales and marketing yep oh that's a lot of hats yeah um because that's a mouthful people are referring to them as the bdsm group oh and wouldn't they be yeah and so they've announced this like on a team call.

Yeah, forward any questions onto BDSM and you go, well, okay. But she's like, you could tell the people that knew it and didn't get it because some people are like, yep, all good. But she said half the people are kind of like. And then some people are like. Now, Sophie, can you just pull that mic over closer to yourself for a second oh god i'm so nervous does your new role include business development yes and with branded content we're hoping you're going to do some sales and stuff right yeah go on what's marketing marketing decent part of your job nothing about but you

no i'm pretty sure that might be you. No, I'm pretty sure that's you. You can do that job. You've been promoted. You've been promoted? No, pay rise. No, like in title only. Yeah.

I know you only just updated your LinkedIn. Oh, God. As HR, do I have to step in? Tony, you step in when you feel the need. Yeah. I'm here to protect you, Sophie. I'm you step in when you feel the need. Yeah. I'm here to protect you, Sophie. I'm not. I'm here to protect you.

No comment because I refer to my rep. So what do we, it was always, it was like your title was executive producer, was like content and partnerships or something? Something like that. How do we feel about executive producer BDSM? The EP of BDSM. Yeah. 50% of people will get it. Yeah.

If you know, you know. Yeah. I'm on board. Hey, is this like I do it or my probation period ends? I'll have to check with HR. And that sounds like we're actually not ready to comment on that. I'll watch this space. But thanks, Alicia, to comment on that. Watch this space. But thanks, Alicia, for sending that through.

That's amazing. My love to see, I'm just sending you a photo, Ryan, but my love to see is from Danny Watson, who shared this in our Facebook group. Danny said, I got married on Saturday. My groom lost his ring two hours later while very eloquently doing the worm to celebrate. i'm on the photo i've seen you will pop it in the episode thread but it's like a bride and the groom is very obviously

doing the worm like from the day the the frame that you've sent i don't know if this is a video but the frame is perfect because his face is just like in the lawn and his legs are right up in the air um that lawn's not as good as tony's though It isn't and I'm very grateful that you would bring that up. But, yeah, so he's lost his wedding ring two hours after, like, saying the I do's. And they tried to find it and they were like, well, there's just no way we'll be able to find it. Then four days later they went back to the park where they got the photos and found it in three minutes.

What the fuck? Like, amazing. So you love to see that, Danny. Congrats on the wedding. But also, I can't believe you found that that's amazing a needle in a haystack a wedding ring in a bdsm so i didn't want to judge that guy because i don't think anyone should judge any guy who's lost their wedding ring yep that's a good point yeah and i didn't ask you to judge him at least he found his i think he lost his sooner than you lost yours which is a good thing so you

have yours for a beer it's in the house it's in the house yeah it'll it'll turn up or jacket pocket oh yeah like the um pocket of a handbag like maybe you went out with bridget and you went oh can you hold that and she went yep and she put it in my pocket because i didn't like going to the bathroom in case i wiped my butt and lost it and it it got sucked in. Yeah. But this isn't about you. It's about Danny. And congratulations. Congratulations, Danny. And congrats on giving him the wedding ring, but then also him finding it afterwards.

That's huge. Yeah, that's massive. Maybe I should go in there and see if I can find my one. See, it might be there. Yeah, it might just be the lost wedding ring park. They all go there. All right. Tomorrow on the show.

Oh, would I say Tony's new hobby? Was that? It's been busy. You've been fucking busy. I have been busy. You've been busy. I'm busy. Yeah, I've got a lot on.

I've just like to get busy. We'll see you tomorrow. She's a busy girl. Love you. Bye.