Toni and Ryan - Hooking Up In The Hospital

Episode Date: October 5, 2026

Toni's Tech Tips - Confessions - Small screen purchases- love ya!!!!!What's the craziest thing you've bought on a small screen?Tell us what you reckon in the episode thread in our FACEBOOK GROUPWatch and subscribe on YOUTUBECheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan and get in the group chat with us!!!Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I hooked up with an on-call doctor in a hospital bed between his shifts. He met me in the lobby next to the gift shop. That is wild. Meet you in the lobby and give you a gobbie. Hi, I'm Charlotte and this is Pet. We're from Reading, England. Hi, I'm Danny from Perth, Western Australia. Hi, I'm Eva from Seattle, Washington and the way to improve this podcast.

Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Dr. Orth for Tony Lodge. And it is time for Just the tech tips I want some tech tips Baby to see You've got tech tips

So last week We brought in The tech tips officially The official opener And There was good feedback On the tech tip People liked it

Asking if they could be a ringtone Yes They liked the thing Somebody did say Are they all going to be iPhone related and like probably because I have an iPhone. Yeah, and so there's everyone else who's, you know, doing well in life. But like, because I don't have an Android, like, why would I know what you can do?

I can't even test it. But even there, you're assuming that tech means phones. Oh, yeah, I guess so. You might have a new gadget for a melee appliance. I like that. We should go beyond just what we think. What about a thermomix tech tip? That's cool.

I'd be able to come. What about a new setting on a microwave? That is. See, write all these down, Charles. That's all good areas. Thank you.

But if it is phone or computer related, like it's going to use the one that people have. Well, it's going to be Apple because that's what I have. Yeah. So is there a way we can change the fonts to that curly one? Be it. I hate that fucking curly fun.

Um, okay, I've got a tech tip. Once again, it is related to an iPhone. Yep. Sometimes at nighttime, time are you like, God, I'd love to play something on my phone, but like it then keeps playing

and wakes you up and you're like, mech, that's so annoying. Terrible. Yeah. You can, if you go to the clock app and you set a timer, say you want it to stop in two and a half hours like that. Yeah. If you click sound and you scroll down, you can change it to stop playing. So rather than it playing.

That's amazing. Yeah. So in two and a half hours, it's not going to play. the Marimba bling bling bling bling blam blim it's going to stop playing like the audio you have going that is amazing

isn't that so good tech tips thank you Charles you've got tech tips every type we're on the pod got tech tips oh oh

wow yeah you requested an outro I did I will say on the outro we did discuss on the pod last week that maybe it could be like us talking about like got just the tip again or we there were lots of comments of people saying like you've been tipped and things like that somebody said

why don't you use like just the tip like from porn like use them saying that from porn the thing is that being said in porn well so I actually watched a heap of com shot compilations yesterday for this or just in general no thinking that I'd be able to find the audio, they don't say that. They show that happening a lot. So you don't really... Show what happening? The tip going in.

So I watched a lot of... In a Cumshot compilation. Yeah. When you Google... No. Just the tip montage. What comes up is Cumshot compilations. And I was like, oh, maybe they're like, I don't know, AI scanning the audio and they're hearing

that or whatever. They don't say just the tip, really ever. They just show the tip going in and out and stuff. So I just so that people know, I did try. And how'd you go? Well, I ended up just feeling like a bit like depleted after that. Because you jerked off five times. No, no.

I don't get just the tip in the, that's thrown me. Well, that's when I googled just the tip compilation, all that came up was cumshot compilation. That's really weird. Also, how did you get through? Have you got an account? No, no, no, it was just like on Google. It wasn't on Porn Hub.

Is it porn on Google? No, but like, do you know how Google works that lead you to other websites? Yeah, then how did you watch it? There's other things that aren't Porn Hub. Really? Yeah. Oh, I've been sitting here by myself since that fucking band came in. No, no, no, there's like other websites.

Like, there's other things. things, text me, to Google porn and something will come up. I assumed it's about Google, maybe this is like the 12 year old. The police car. Yeah,

like, exactly. I was like, we can't just be throwing that out really, really. I was about to say, well,

porn's not illegal, but now it is actually. Yeah. So, yeah. Anyway, though. That's tough out of here

in Australia, guys. I'm just going to let everybody know that I did try and I watched a bunch of weird porn compilations. That's actually not on you. That's on the person

who suggested it because I could have a, oh, my bad, yeah, just the tip. They don't.

They don't. They don't. They don't. And if you think about sexual interactions you ever had, people aren't saying just the tip. They're just not. No. The only time I've heard it was more like, is that just the tip? And I went, nah.

Put the whole thing in if you want and you go, okay. Nothing's changed. So did you like the outro? Should we hear it again? Sure. You've got tech tips. Every type we're on the pod got tech. tips.

And it was got tech tipped. Every tapper on the pod got tech tips. Yeah, got. So it's still that past tense that we wanted. Yeah. Yeah. Because it's happened. Yeah.

You've got tech tips. Thanks. Every tapper on the pod got tech tips. I recorded that in my house yesterday while the cleaner was there. How did she like it? She goes, what do you do for work again? You know, this is it, sweetheart. Now, she listens to the pod.

So I'm sure that you said, I heard her make that. Really? Yeah. Part of history. That is amazing. These are top confessions. Hello. Hang on, did you film yourself making it?

You know how last week we said we wanted the behind the scenes? Oh, no, I didn't. Oh, that's so annoying. You've got to go to cleaner to hold the camera. That was a real witchy laugh. This is a confession from O' Queen. Hi, O' Queen. O Queen, Winfrey.

I recently learned. that I can orgasm without touch. It started during spicy dreams, but now I can just lock in and concentrate on sexy thoughts and get myself there. That's crazy. Isn't that amazing?

I guess so. And dangerous? Like, I'd be unstoppable. I'd never like do any thing. Yeah, I would look at you and be like, he's coming right now. Oh, you're just doing a poo face like a toddler. Like, you know, when a toddler's booing

and they're like hide under the table or something. I heard Tony telling a sexy story recently. and I thought I would challenge myself. I'm not a challenging wank. Tommy, put that in the core montage, please. I actually resent that. Because sometimes people comment below our videos like challenging wank but I got there

and I just always feel fine that so nasty. But they got there. It would be worse if it was like challenging wank and I didn't get there. Yeah, no seed, yeah. But I, you know what I mean? Like, I just, I'm okay. I'm okay.

Do you think I'm a challenging way? You've never been a challenging wang for me. Charles, thank you for saying that. That's really nice. I mean, you know, Malibu Stacey or those other Stacys I mentioned that we joked off to yesterday. Yeah. Like, where do I rank next to the Malibu Stacey Barbie doll from The Simpsons? What's better?

Like, what would you prefer to be like a classic wank? or like an alternate wank. I'm happy to be an alt. Yeah. I'll be an alt, but I don't want to be... An old doesn't mean like leftovers. It's just like sometimes you're in a bit of a...

Be different. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because you know what you normally watch and then sometimes you go, oh, I might watch that. What would I need to put in the search bar to find you? Tony Lodge.

No, like... Oh. Like... Oh, I'm on there. I don't know. Be like tattooed vixen. Shut up. that's really so flattering

I heard listen to the full context let's not use the word challenge no no but the challenge is can she get herself off without touching sure I heard Tony telling a sexy story recently and I thought I would challenge myself

could I lock in concentrate on sexy thoughts and get myself off while sitting at my desk at work did Lily send this in She looks so offended by that. Take that back. Take that back. Sorry, Lil.

I imagined what Tony was saying was actually happening to me. So I locked in, started concentrating, and imagined myself being fingered by Jack Antonoff at a Korean barbecue restaurant. And fuck, yeah. I confess him a random place to orgasm. all at my desk at work. Wow. Do you know why he was saying that? I was like, I wonder what story.

She's talking about it and then the reveal. Um, slight. Sure. Now I want you to look at me as if you could like do it, like just lock in and cut. That's not what I look like. No, that's me locking in. Oh. Oh.

I'm normally turned around. Yeah. You're normally looking at the back of my head. Yeah. Glad. Jesus Christ. All right, next gift is the next confession. Just the tip.

Who would say that? No one's saying it. I tried to find it. I hooked up with an on-call doctor in a hospital bed between his shifts. I was home alone feeling frisky, so I logged onto a hook-up site and started chatting to this guy who was an on-called doctor at the nearby hospital. Oh, they weren't a patient. No. They like live down the road

He met me in the lobby Next to the gift shop Escorted me upstairs to like the on call room Which was just a regular patient room But with a piece of paper taped to the door that said please knock before entering And that was on my asshole We closed the blinds

And got our groove on on the hospital bed The walk of shame can be confronting At the best of times But imagine having your hair all over the place Your eyes still watering And this doctor is walking you through the hospital and it felt like every single staff member knew exactly what just happened. I never saw him again, but I now work in healthcare and I think about this day regularly.

That is wild. Meet you in the lobby and give you a gobbie. Have we discussed this before, but would doctors be like really good at it because they would like know the spots? I don't know. I feel like if they did know, the spot say, does that feel more clinical than like sensual? Maybe. But is it like one or the other? I just think that you think a doctor knows what they're doing and I don't know that they do.

Because I think we imagine the girl from the album cover of that Blink 182 album. Oh, yeah. The nurse. I always do. Yeah. And you go, oh, well, she would know her. Yeah, she's got it going on. She's got a glove on.

And she's a nurse and she knows, yeah. She'll find me prostate. Yeah. Wasn't that just a real moment in time? Yeah, that's... Turn it off, Charles. Put safe search back on your laptop right now. Why is there a picture of...

Charles! Oh, Malibu, Stacey and Tony. Who wanked first? Hi, I'm Charlotte from Reading, England. Hi, I'm Danny from Perth, Western Australia. Hi, I'm Eva from Seattle, Washington, and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive shout out to a few of our champion tarpers over at our Patreon. Courtney Short, good on you, Courtney.

Nicole Doo. Elena S. Cassandra, good on you, Cassandra. Anemey, enemy, enema. So true. Really put me through it on that. Christine Newman. Paul Newman's daughter, probably, from the source.

David, good on you, David. Eve Schultz, Matt Hunter and Sir Weaney. Thank you, Sir Weaney. It means a lot to us. Thanks, Sir Weeny. I know we just talked to tech, but I want to talk tech again. Because on this show and as millennials, I feel, a recurring kind of theme and argument is the small screen versus the big screen.

Are we kind of Googling things on our phone? But if we're making a purchase, has to be on the laptop. I think, oh, how big, is it the price? Well, yeah, like, what is the, is it the seriousness of it? Because is it like, oh, I couldn't book a flight on my phone. I've got to do that at a laptop because it's expensive and important. Yeah. You know, all of these kind of things.

And we've talked about, like, what should be a small screen purchase, but what needs to be a big screen purchase? When I was doing my MBA, every term it would be like, you need to book your classes in. and I'll be like, well. Settle in at the big screen. No. Not at the, no, no, no, no.

Let me get the computer. Let's look at the timetable. Yeah, let's not be silly. Yeah. We can't be dilly dallying on a small screen because then what if it's not optimized for mobile? Yeah. And then you're scrolling across because you can't see the whole thing. Nah, so freaky.

Yeah. I think for me, tickets are a big screen purchase. Really? Yeah, okay. Because I have to lock in. I have to know that all of my like stuff is. Pick the seat. pick the seats, know that my auto fill on the Apple pay is going to like be the right one,

all of those things. I need to really lock in. Yep. I caught up with somebody the other day, Crystal from Thermomix. Right. So we recently worked with Thermomix and I was like, oh, like we should catch up, like, we'd love to see. She was like, yeah, we can talk about kind of what we could do in the future together and whatever,

you know, admin chat. But basically it was. Like for work? You got like personally? Kind of both. We just get along really well. We can work out our futures together. Oh,

yeah. We're running away together. But I was just like, oh, so if I do this in the thermomix, is that going to be better? And she's like, what you've got to do. You know, she gave me some off hand tips, which I really appreciate it. Would you call them tech tips? Maybe I could share them next week.

Stay tuned. Well, secondhand. There's still a good tip. Just the tip. No one's saying that, though. Are they? Anyway, she's sitting. sits down and we're like out for coffee.

Yeah. And she sits down and she goes, oh, I'm so sorry. But like, she's like checking her watch and checking her phone. She's like, I'm so sorry. But in like 10 minutes, these tickets I really, like some musician, she's like, these tickets go on sailing 10 minutes. And I was like, oh my God, say no more. Yep, absolutely.

Do you want me to set a timer? She's like, no, I'm sure it's fine. And I was like, what? They go on selling 10 minutes. Remember in 10 minutes? Like, you've got to know what's going. That's crazy. Okay.

Well, it does not stop there. I had my handbag with me with my laptop in it. And I was like, oh, do you want my laptop to buy them on? Because it's a big screen purchase. And she goes, what? And she's a little bit older than me, by the way. Like, not much, but she's a little bit older than me. She goes, oh, no, I can do anything on my phone.

I was like, oh, I have really bad luck getting tickets. I never get them. And so, like, I would have the laptop open already. I'd be like in the waiting room. it says you're one of three and a half billion people waiting for fucking Taylor Soup tickets. Like I'm like, I need to set myself up.

And she goes, oh, nah, tickets just always like kind of work out for me. And I was like, that is a crazy sentence. That's, yeah.

And I was like, I'm just on your phone. And she goes, oh, I do everything on my phone. And I was like, really? And she goes,

yeah, I actually just bought a house in Italy on my phone. what she's on fucking IT bought a house in Italy in Italy on her phone what the fuck she's on like IT real estate dot EU or fucking whatever and she's gone through it and she's just found this like you know that big thing at the moment like you buy the chateau in

fucking Italy and it costs fuck all be going to do it up cost nothing you do it up whatever and she did that on it she hasn't seen the house she just like had like messaged the chat with the guy, like the real estate guy. I've actually got an update. All on her phone. I've got an update.

What? After we gave a few thermomixes away to some tarpers, I believe 15,000 people commented on that post-wanted. And we're like, oh my God, let's work together in the future. It's off. Oh, we're off. I'm not working with someone who's fucking insane. Yeah.

Who's taking risks like that? Some willy-nilly crazy person who's just flipping property in Italy. don't have no room for us. Right. Wild. I was... Wild, wild. Speechless.

Like, you actually knocked me over with a feather. Like, I was like, come again. Like, have I just fucking hallucinated? What did you just say? And she's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then anyway, we kind of... We're chatting about that. And I'm like, Crystal, that is really great.

I cannot believe that you did that. She's like, yeah, I just do everything on my phone. Like, it's all like... I've never been so confused since someone suggested that people actually say just to do it like that's fucking throwing me today so we kind of keep chatting it I was just I was so throwing we chatted about that for a bit and I was like where is it what's the go like are you doing it up and she's just kind of chatting whatever and then she just like picks her phone up held casually and she just kind of does a few things and then um shit we're still

talking and then like a couple of minutes later I like looked at my watch and I was like oh my god it's 10 you need to get the ticket she's like oh no that's what I was just doing G a on the website, bought them, done, see ya, said nothing, we kept talking and then a minute later, I was like, oh my God, need to get, she's like, I've already done it. Didn't even break conversation. Didn't even, not a beat of sweat, not a tear, not a, fuck yeah, got them, nothing. And how, how did you, were you kind of like, I wish I was this calm or was it more like, I said to her, could you be my life coach?

I was like, are you taking clients to take people out of this calm? I'll buy it on my big screen, but maybe one day I'll be ready to do the small screen holiday. And she just goes, oh no, I'm so fucked. Like you don't want me kind of thing. She's like, I'm so chaotic. And I was like, I just watch you perform fucking open heart surgery while we're having coffee and not blink an eye. Isn't that the craziest thing you've ever fucking her? Are you impressed by that?

I was, yeah. Because I was just like, I wish that I could just live in Levita Aloka. She just was just like, yeah, it'll work out. And she's, she wasn't even like, and if it doesn't work out,

it's fine. She was like, it just will. She was just so. The confidence. Yeah, it was just like. It's thermomix confidence. And she had this like,

fucking hot pink lipstick on and she rolls in. She's got like a little micro fringge and like, she's just the coolest slut ever. Are you jealous of her? I really want to be her. Yeah, and she just, she's fucking cool. But I just could not believe that. That is thrown, man.

Like, that is so chaotic. Very cool, very, like, big dick energy, very cool. When did she buy the house in Italy? Like, not that long ago, I don't think. Like, maybe a couple of months. Like, before we were over? I don't know. Because if we knew someone with a place in Italy.

Yeah, we would have stayed with her. Yeah. Might not be ready. I'll be right. It'll be fine. Considering what we paid at the hotel, we'll just have to rough it and it'll be fine. Figure it out, yeah.

If you figure it out, fuck, that's crazy, dude. I don't know if I can continue working with them. The small screen purchase. I think a thermo mix is not a small screen purchase. No way. No fucking way.

I mean, like. Hey, go on with it. I love it so much. We had almond slices yesterday. What's a, what's that?

Like, kind of like an almond meal kind of thing, but then like a little bit of chalk on the top. Oh, yeah. A little cherry. Don't have to do a cherry. We did a cherry.

Well, I've been baking bread in mine. sick yeah I did like a beautiful loaf of bread I think I shed on the pot the other week but I've been doing that I just say how it's that's done oh that's dead yeah I think yeah I was dead yeah yeah because I was like can I have some starter and she was like oh yeah no way we'll have to go back to the farm and start again you actually need to for it's a matter of love and death yeah um thank you that's pretty I got a little something yeah I got something not a lot but something

A challenging wank, as people are referring to me on the internet. Thank you. Welcome to the challenging wank and Ryan podcast. The challenging wank and wanker podcast. The chihuapas. My love to see it is from Letitia Marie. Hi, Latitia Marie. And she said,

Bip-bitt-bip-bip-bip. Breaking news. I'm single. Woo! You love to see it. After 18 years in a toxic, narcissistic relationship, I'm free. I can apply for jobs. without someone being like,

oh, you won't get it. Why would you bother? And I can read books without someone being like, why do you even read that shit? I'm so happy. I haven't felt like this since I was 16 years old. I met him in high school and I thought I was in love. But now I can concentrate on loving myself.

Letitia. That is fucking awesome. That would have been such a tough decision to make 18 years. And you get sucked in, like when you're in a relationship, whether romantic or not, when you're in a relationship or like in the orbit, of someone like that, you just think they make you think you'll never do any better.

Like, no matter what the situation is. And for you to be able to get out, that's fucking amazing. And you know what, Letitia, you sharing that story will, like, hype up others to make that leap if they're ready, if they're in a bad situation. So you should be really, really proud of yourself. Speaking of like making the call, I'm not going to say their name in case it didn't happen. But Atapa messaged me this morning on LinkedIn and said, I don't have any social media

I didn't know how to message you. So I thought I'd be here on LinkedIn. We love it. He's like, I'm going to quit my job today. Fuck yeah. He's like, my boss is a fucking C. Like, oh, the long version of that is. Thank you.

We're grownups. Like, it was fine, but now the culture's got a bit weird. And he's a bit shit. And he's like, I'm fucking going for it today. Fuck, yeah. Oh, my God. That's amazing. I was like, good luck.

Good luck. We're with you. Yep. Well, I've got an equally serious you love to see it from an anonymous tarpa. Anonymous. Yep. What's their name? No, I actually don't know.

They sent this to me anonymously from like a burner Instagram account. See now it's real. I'm going to Perth from another state as a government official. So I guess it's why they are anonymous. It might be Anthony Albanese. That's our prime minister. Anyone who's not from Australia. I'm going to Perth from another state.

state as a government official and we are having a government officials only breakfast while we're there like everybody's flying into perth for this big meeting government officials are they're having it my suggestion of dome one you're joking they are having a government breakfast at dome can you imagine how humbling it would be to be like oh and the the very official new records showing of the median house fucking inflation and they're holding the espresso with the carameler koalas like boaked into the top of it. Senator, did you want the caramel alpreschi or the raspberry feel good?

Mr Speaker, would you like the hollandaise on the side? What does it bring a little jar out and we'll pour it on? Isn't that so fucking amazing? Where are we up to with a dome to record our shows in while we're in Perth? I don't think it's looking good. It's not looking good? Well, they're busy making espreskes. Lily reckons that they're not replying

and I believe her but we've got to be able to do it So when you say you believe her It kind of sounded like you do it No I believe that they're not reply I'm just saying it sounds like But like we've got to be able to Where's somewhere else we can do it

Or we're not giving up yet Where else is there? Fuck the airport On the line Yeah to leave There is a dome at the airport I think I did put it in our calendar That we're recording at a dome

I saw that yeah Well we're manifesting We'll figure it out, but we have to figure it out. Like, there's got to be a way. What about that place in West Perth that does tacos and has a basketball court? I don't know what you're talking about. That's a sick place we could do a podcast. We don't have to do a podcast there.

We can just go there. Like, do we still get to go to dome even if we don't report a pod there? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, Slate. There's a dome walking distance of the Airbnb we're staying at. Do you know what? That doesn't give anything away because there's so many domes. Yeah.

So our air could be in B could be in one of a thousand places in Perth. Yeah, it could be in Malaysia. Like, there's a domen. I was saying at the Malaysian airport for the Perth show. Yeah, that place. I used to live across the road. That was sweet. I've never seen that before.

Yeah, then tacos and beers and stuff there. I mean, West Perth is a bit for me. A bit faincy. Is it? Well, you know it is. Is it? When you live above Kings Park, yeah, I reckon. I didn't live above it.

I live next to it. Could you see it from your house? If I like peered around the window, yeah. Yeah, right. Yeah. Interesting. Yeah. It's not where we'll be spending time while we're there.

Where will we be? Near a dome. And that actually says all you need to know. Yeah, we'll be across. Well, the theatre's across from a dome. Yep, the Subiaco one. That's not the official meeting point, though, is it for pre-drinks? No, there's another bar somewhere.

It's on the Facebook group. You can find a thing that's like tapas in Perth. post anyway. Tomorrow on the show what did you sleep through because I fell asleep when I was a child and slept through a earthquake

a few other people I've got a good one should I say it for tomorrow? No go. A tree fell through our house and I was slept through it. What? Yeah.

There was like a tornado like a mini tornado went through Rollystone when I was in your 8 or you 9? The old Rolie Stone tornado. You know, we've all heard about it.

Yeah. And like we had a massive jarrot tree in the front yard and the wind like picked it up and just like ripped it out of the ground and it slammed through like the front of our house. And you just. And squashed like we had like a big land cruiser and it like crushed that like wrote the car off and went through the house. Did you ask the guys of Toyota at the grandfinal for a new one? Yeah.

Go God. Well 20 years ago it would have been awesome if you. You don't remember the old Rolleystone tornado, do? And they go, oh, mate, I'm so sorry. I think Tony was in year eight or year night. Yeah. But, yeah, slept through it. That's great.

Got woken up. Sorry to bring that up. For anybody that was present for that, that's tough to hear. Can anyone in Rolleystone in... Vouch for that? Yeah. Yeah. Were you in Twister?

Yes. I was in Twisters, both of them. All right, we'll see you tomorrow. Bye.