Toni and Ryan - Horrible Haircut Regrets

Episode Date: January 30, 2025

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Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Dr. Arthur Tony Lodge. Let's call Beth and there is two things you're going to love about Beth. And I don't know which one you're going to... Is it that she's... She's simply the best! Bow! Bow! Bow bow!

Better than all the rest! Bow bow bow! Better than anyone! Bow bow bow! Be-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e anyone. Hello? Beth! How you doing? Tony and Ryan. I'm good.

How are you? We are very good. You don't know it yet, but when you hear this episode back, you're gonna hear one of the great performances from Tony Lodge you'll ever hear. Spoiler alert. We weren't Tony Lodge. Now, I just said there is two things

that Tony's gonna absolutely love about you and your life. First of all, which city are you from? I'm from the best city. I'm from Chicago. Chicago! Chicago's my dream city. Tony's gonna be moving in down the road soon. I made a vision board for myself this year

and Chicago's on it. Really? Yeah. Okay. That's a vision board for myself this year and Chicago's on it. Really? Yeah. Okay. That's a pretty big deal. Well, I'll tell you, bin chat, bin chat real quick. I never have to worry about putting stuff in my garbage can. I have two bins and I have a recycling bin and I don't ever have to put them out. They just live in the alley. And someone takes care of them. We're moving to Chicago. I'm done. That is amazing. Well, you're not done because it gets better.

How does it get better than that? Beth, what do you do for a living? I make custom ice cookies. A craft queen in Chicago. That is simply the best. Some girls can have it all. That is, Beth, you Some girls can have it all. That is Beth, you are living my dream life. Tony obviously approves you in your lifestyle. Will you approve

our podcast today? Yes, I absolutely approve. Legend. She is simply the best. Boom, boom, boom, boom. Little sneak peek for you Beth. BAM, BAM, I'm the best. Oh my God, she can sing! Beth, we're the same girl! The same bitch! Aw. That was harsh. That was nasty.

I'm lashing out. Ah! This is Beth from Chicago, and I approved this podcast. Should I start introducing the podcast or should I close my eyes or anything? Okay. All right, keep your eyes closed. Okay. And you know that we don't fuck with each other.

Oh no, we don't do pranks. We don't do pranks. We don't do pranks. We don't fuck with people with their eyes closed or when they're blindfolded. That's another rule. Tomorrow 1500 of us are going to be dressed up as Tony Lodge to go to the cricket. Woo. I accidentally bought two bays instead of two seats.

Classic. They're under Tony's name. So everyone has to look like Tony because they're under her name. You're all welcome. So I, this morning, went and ordered a Tony Lodge. Yeah, I'm here. From the barber. Open your eyes. I don't want to.

Now we know Tony is known for her micro fringe. Considering this is a podcast, is there anything you would like to say? I so rarely, as you know, I'm lost for words. What do you think? So the thing with the micro-fringes, and I said this earlier, is that most people have to cut the fringe to create a micro-fringe. Yeah. What I had to do was cut everything else. Yes. So it's just a shaved head, and then you have to cut it off.

And then you have to cut it off. And then you have to cut it off. And then you have to cut it off. And then you have to cut it off. And then you have to cut it off. And then you have to cut it off. And then you have to cut the fringe to create a micro fringe. Yeah. What I had to do was cut everything else. Yes. Um, so it's just a shaved head, but a micro fringe. What do you think? Look good. Your wife's going to kill me.

Um, do you know what's actually crazy? No, I do look good. I don't hate it. The fringe or the whole thing. No, if you look up, it's fine. That's fine. The shave at the, in the, in the crown is yeah. I've at the, in the, in the crown is yeah.

Um, so I need you to talk me through the experience at the bar bar. Um, well, Charles was with me this morning and, uh, so there's video footage of great. Uh, I don't know if we'll use it though, cause it's fair to say Charles, the guy did not get the joke or appreciate the cut. The guy definitely did not. And he definitely charged you for not getting the joke either. Yeah. He fucking reamed us. He, how much was it? And how much is a normal haircut? He put dickhead tacks on because he kept going

like, Oh, but if I cut it short here, it's not going to look good. And I was like, mate, my friend looks like this. I'm going to come back. No, I'm going to fucking stop you right there. Your friend does not look like that. My friend's got a micro fringe. She's really fashionable. Hang on. Best friend has a micro fringe. She is really fashionable.

Can I also get a micro fringe? What I'm going to need is a number two all over, but leave the front and jowl it down. And he was like, Oh, if you do a five and I can blend it in. I was like, no, it, that's what I've asked for. And then he goes, Oh, what I'll do it. I'm like, no, what, that's what I've asked for. And then he goes, Oh, what I'll do it. And I'm like, no, what you will do is what I've asked. And I know it's I said the words, I know it's not going to look good, but this is what I want.

And I said, maybe I'll be back pretty soon. Just have to go record a podcast. Trim the front off. Yeah. And when he nearly actually trimmed off the. Yeah, he was like, yeah. And I had to go, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Cause he was like, okay, shave the top. And I was like, no, no, no, no, no.

Leave the front. Anyway. Oh my God. I have a question. Yeah. Did he style it as well? And the reason I ask is I wonder, do we, if you say you have a shower and wash it, are we going to need to get this hair straightener out?

Like as a, as a girlie that's had a fringe before. Well, and Tony knows. why I send that question. Never ever straighten my fringe, but like a blow dry or would you know? Never. Yeah. But are you, didn't you just say that they jolted down? Is that what you just said? Yeah.

But like, so if I have a shower, what's going to happen then? Yeah. Then you can just jolt that back because you've got all that pomade. Yeah. I love it. I actually love it. I really wish that I was at the barber with you though, because that just sounds terrible. It was terrible. It was really terrible. And you know what? So we leave the barber and I'm like, fuck, I'm going to have to walk through a busy shopping center.

You were also what, like the first people of the day? Yeah. But I was like, how embarrassing. I'm going to have to walk. Like, this is a gag. I'm hopefully the toughest will give me a fucking thumbs up. Did you have the glasses on? No. OK, so people really wouldn't have gotten the joke.

I think with the glasses on, people would be like, that's the Tony lodge, but without the glasses, you just look like an absolute cuck. Well, it's funny you mentioned that because I'm leaving the, we're in the shopping, so there's a barber in the middle of shopping, so I got to walk through the busy shopping center. And by the time we've finished, um, it's starting to get a little bit busy and I'm like, fuck, I just look a bit fucking interesting at the moment. Yeah.

And the thing about it being at Northland, no one bad at an eyelid, because I think this is not that strange at Northland. And I bet it was really easy to get a parking spot. Yeah. And it was easy to get a parking spot. Uh, a guy called Paulie offered me drugs out the front. Oh, he's awesome. Yeah.

How's his wife going? She's good. She's better. Good. She's good. She's on the mend. Um, but I was like, as one with Paulie with this haircut. That is good.

And then- You do look a bit- And I was like, this is like, I just don't, like, obviously, normally, love seeing Natarpa and I'm like, I just don't want to fucking run into anything when I know. Yeah. And this person runs up and goes, oh my God. And I went, yeah. And she goes, are you Tony Lodge? That's Paulollies, right?

So yeah, it's living the dream, living the dream. Getting ready for tomorrow. There's going to be 1500 of us. You haven't mentioned the attire. I know everything else is. No, well, I like that you're wearing a t-shirt that is white with black stripes. Yep, thank you.

I love the little denim over shirt. Very, very good. In fact, I wish that I'm not wearing my denim jacket. I'm wearing a little cardigan. I'll save it for tomorrow. Well, yeah, I didn't want to have to wash it. Yeah. I'll have to wash it in my...

So here's the thing. I don't know if Tony's like that out of fashion, but it was really hard to buy a white and black striped shirt. Or is it a ladies thing? No, I don't. Cause I can't tell you how many stores I went to yesterday looking for one. So I'm currently wearing a maternity shirt from Taj's women's section. Can you stand up?

Does that have the rouging on the side? No, but it's like. For the tongue? It's it's like it's just flowing. Oh, that looks comfortable. Or look very good in maternity wear. No, maybe, maybe this is the maternity one. I got two different ones, but they're both from the women's section. Um, uh, so feeling good and I think doesn't have a gender. So that is true. Um, we'll tell that to the Taj department. Yeah. When the person goes, have you tried the women's section? And I said, clothing doesn't have gender.

And they go, yeah, yeah. But like, have you tried, have you tried on the left hand side? But I just want to send a shout out to everyone who's getting their dress up for tomorrow. 1500 of us getting ready. Yeah. Um, my culture is not a costume. Let me just say, I mean, I think it's beautiful. I look at me. Charles hasn't got his yet. And I said, good luck finding a man. So someone else will be in the ladies department of Taj later today. You could wear the other one that Ryan's not, he said he bought. I might get sweaty and drunk. So good to have a backup. Getting sweaty and drunk today.

We're going to the cricket. Oh, do you get drunk at the cricket? Have you not been to the cricket before? No. Yeah. Oh, well, I won't be getting drunk. You can borrow my shirt, trust me. Okay. Now, believe it or not, believe it or not,

I am not the tarpa with the worst haircut experience this week. Oh my God, I thought you were about to say I'm not the tarpa with the worst hair and you were gonna like make a joke about me. No, hey, we don't do that. You look beautiful. Oh, thank you. Because you know what day it is? A day that ends in Y.

Um, that's sweet. So I've been talking to some tarpas about how should I get my hair done? Is there stuff you're good? I'm sorry. I can't. It's the glasses. I think I suit hipster. The glasses, but also the denim and the stripes I think work for everyone.

Okay. And that's why Tony's a trendsetter. It's just, it's a classic combo. So Tarpon Trey. Hi Trey. This is a side pick of Trey. Tony, what, how would you describe Trey's hair there? It's in a half up half down little shoulder length hair there, dark brown.

Yep. By the ocean as well, which is very aesthetic. Very beautiful Trey. So he goes to the barber and says, cause do you know how people take a photo? And I did that this morning. I took the Tony. Oh, they do like the before and after. No, like, can I have it like this? Did you actually take a photo of me? Yeah. You'll see in the video. Yeah. I had, I had, um, can I say that yet? Or no, no, I can't say that yet. Well, we haven't made it yet. We literally just got here.

But you have footage. It's not like... Oh, yeah, yeah. But so the image of the carousel that's like, here's how to go to the Bay of Tonys. I pulled that out and swiped across and was like, this girl, please. So this is Trey's hair. And he rocks up with a photo and says, can I have this? Oh, hot.

Yep, yep, yep. And is it fair to say that from where Trey's starting, like... It seems like it wouldn't, it's not a big leap. Yeah, that's doable. More of like a styling cut rather than like losing any length. Yeah. Okay, so this is what he looks like. This is what he has asked for.

That actually could be Trey on the other side. Yeah, I know. And then this is what Trey has walked out with. Trey says, I didn't get my hair cut for more than two years during COVID. My first haircut turned me into Lord Farquaad. So Trey said- Trey looks like Julia Gillard. And I don't mean that in a bad way because I love Jules, but it's not.

And I love Trey, but, and so, so I was chatting to the top community. I said, I'm thinking I'm going to get a Tony. I think I'm going to fucking go get a micro French or a gag. That's amazing. And I go, but it could look a bit shit. And Trey goes, bro, you're not going to, you're not going to have the worst haircut this week. So that happened this recently, recently. Yeah.

Not this week. Poor Trey. I, there really is nothing worse than a haircut after you've been growing it out for ages and then you go, I'm going to like really treat myself and style it up and do something real ages. Yep. And then you go, I'm gonna like really treat myself and style it up and do something real good. Yeah. And finally, I just want to finish with Tapa Maxine. Her daughter-

Hi Maxine. Is just out of primary school. And before going back to school, her daughter thought she would just, you know, spruce up the hair a little bit. Her daughter thought that? Yeah. So this is a photo at the barber just before it was getting fixed.

She gave herself a mullet with safety scissors. It actually looks pretty good. It looks a bit punk rock. I like it. With the right attitude. Like with the right attitude. Um, you know, Oh, I definitely did that when I was a kid.

Little snip off. Little snip off. Yeah. Um, so I love it. Do you know what I do really like? Because you've got a little bit of gray in the front. Yeah. The little bit of gray in the fringe. Fuck that's popping me right off.

What if I cut the rest of it and just leave the gray circle? Just the gray patch. Like Michelle, Michelle Versace. Yeah. Yeah. I know who that is. I actually like it. And what a, I think you deserve a round of applause.

Amazing commitment to getting into the cricket tomorrow. I can't wait to, do you think that, sorry, logistics chat, aren't we expecting lots of people to come in with a fresh fringe tomorrow? Let me just be clear, you are not expected to come in with a fringe. That's not expected at all. I've said shirt and jacket. Yes. Great. I've said bonus points for glasses, but not required the bonus points. Fringe,

I mean, fuck it, I'm not going to tell you not to. Actually, no, I am going to tell you not to. Do not do it. This is Beth from Chicago and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. From fleet management to flexible truck rentals to technology solutions. At Enterprise Mobility, we help businesses find the right mobility solutions so they can find new opportunities.

Because if your business is on the road, we wanna make sure it's on the road to success. Enterprise Mobility, moving you moves the world. Have you got a stork on? Yes! That's my favorite one, definitely. You're giving me a real chubby. That's staying in. Oh, that whole interaction. We're back.

Okay. That's what usually happens when we take a breather in the middle of the episode, but leave it in. Leave it in. And just before I- That's what we- this is a workplace. Yeah, just redacted. Take yourself seriously.

Yeah. You look like fucking Skrillex. I can't even fucking deal with that. And obviously everyone will be so excited to see your fringe tomorrow at the cricket. There was also some chat in the break about I was planning on shaving it off this afternoon. You can't, I think you- What did you call me? Sorry, please I call you.

I think you have to leave it. The tarpas deserve to see it, but what we will- They can see a photo of it. What we will do- And they can watch right now. What we will do though, I think is get you some sunscreen for your dome because I think the front will be safe, but the rest of it might be. How many strands of hair in my microfringe and is it enough for one each? One each for all the tarpers? Yeah. Oh, like do I think there's 1500 strands of hair? Oh, I don't know.

Probably a million. Really? That's it. I was just going to say if everyone wants one. Just here. Yeah, a million. How many strands of hair is there? Might I suggest?

Let's Google it, folks. Let me do this first. Oh, sorry. Don't you care about all of our champion tapions from the Patreon? I shaved my head to look like a fuckhead to make them happy. Our Sydney Thomas,

more like Melbourne Thomas. If you come to the cricket tomorrow. Gem, have a gem of a time at the cricket tomorrow at the MCJ. Melbourne cricket gem. Lily. The MCJ. It's also gem.

Yeah. That's what, yeah. And it's with a J. Yeah. Yeah. It's also jam. That's what yeah. And it's with a J. Have a great time with the wacker. The Jacker. Little Perth cricket joke there for those playing along at home. Lily good on you Lily. Enjoy your Lily part at the cricket.

Kima Daniels, well Jack Daniels have one of the cricket. Heather Jimenez, leather Jimenez. Jack Daniels have one of the cricket. Heather Heminess, leather Heminess. You're wearing leather pants at the cricket. Ah. Also the balls made out of leather would have been a good combo. Fuck. Yeah, not leather pants though. Amy Lightfoot, more like heavy handed on the cricket ball.

Leah Ray, oh, Ray of sunshine at the cricket tomorrow in the sun. Could be 28. Perfect. And Christopher Ruda. Yeah, we're rooting for the ladies of the cricket. Ruda? Yeah. I've never been to the cricket.

Oh. Oh. Cafe, I've never ordered a coffee here before. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

How many strands of hair on a human head? Tony said millions in the fringe. I reckon, but you know that I'm not good at judging anything. Like distance, volume. The entire head, not just the fringe, which he said was millions, the entire head, 90,000 to 150. If you cut it in half, all the strands in half. Yeah. Oh, shred him. But if you cut it in half, all the strands in half.

Oh, shred them. Hang on. If you cut them in half, it's the same amount of strands. That'd be double. How long's a piece of string? No, no, no, no, because- If only there was a saying for this exact. Strains of hair is like it coming out of your head.

One piece of paper. Two pieces of paper. Yeah. But but we were talking, we were talking of three pieces of paper, but you said on the head. So cutting it wouldn't make it more. Wouldn't have more on the head. You're right. Matt is what I, is what I'm thinking. Yep.

So on the head only 90,000 to 150,000. That is wild. That's actually fucked. I would have thought it would be billions. That's why Tony, Tony doesn't do the finances here. But isn't that just what? How many would you have thought it was? I thought 1500 would be pushing it. Would be about on so everyone could have one strand each.

I'm going to see later. You could give a strand to everyone at the MCG. It holds a hundred thousand people. That's a coincidence chat. Isn't that gross? You imagine some freak with a shaved head, but just a front fringe comes over to you and says, do you want a bit of my hair? And you're just trying to watch the cricket and that's just so fucked up.

Like I'm just thinking about how upsetting that would be. You're sitting there with your friends and family enjoying the sun, the ladies cricket and they're fucking dominating and they're going, Oh God, I'm so glad that this game wasn't over last night. And then you come over and go, yeah, just wanted to give everyone a little bit of my hair. Oh, I don't know what's more disturbing. The fact that Tony has described the most disgusting person alive and it's me, or the fact that everything she just said is everything I just said and that is

fucked. You imagine if someone offered you a bit of their hair. I would set myself on fire. No, not with the hair though. It smells too bad. It smells really bad. I cannot believe that that's how many hairs there are. Is that including your beard?

I'd say the average on someone's whole head is 90,000 to 150,000. Now- That's a good Google. On Monday, I was talking about being in the Airbnb and I was going to cook myself breakfast and my wife, Bridgette said, Hey, just take it easy on the pans. Yes. And I don't know if I said that's very pointed or very poignant. Oh, you said poignant.

And I said, did you mean pointed? And you said, that's a very poignant thing to say. And what I will say is obviously we're about to Google this and find out what the answer is. We have Googled this before. Like you have said, Oh, that was a bit poignant as in, yeah. So we have actually been down this road. Pointed means a sharply directed question,

which the other person would find hard to answer or he would be embarrassed by the answer. So when Bridget said, how about you go easy on those pans? That feels pointed. Pointed. Poignant means something which moves you emotionally and touches your heart. Oh God, why they make it sexy at the end. There's nothing in common between the two words.

Um, but I feel like Cura is, um, adding me a bit there. Oh, Cora. I was like, what? Yeah, me too. It's like someone, first of all, someone else has also asked this. And then they're like, just to be clear, there is no overlap. I do not understand the world in which you would Google, you would write that into Quora instead of Googling it.

Or chat GPT. The top answer is Quora. No, but that means someone has asked that question before. In what world would you ask that instead of just Googling and finding out the differences yourself? So can you use poignant in a sentence? We had a conversation. I asked if he wants to be with me and his answer was really poignant. Because it moves you emotionally and touches your heart.

Yeah, or they had the most poignant, beautiful and poignant vows at that wedding. Or I watched this film, oh, it was so poignant. Like that would be, I think, right? I think saying the word poignant is so satisfying. A bit like, here's one of my favorite words to say. Should we count down from Trey? Cause I think I've got one. We're definitely not saying the same word though. Do you want to go first?

No, we're going to count down. But then no one's going to hear what words they are because we're going to talk at the same time. You go. Champignon. Like the little mushrooms in a tin. I thought we weren't talking about little mushrooms because of that thing I said earlier. Don't, I don't think you want to out yourself there. I thought you were going to say spatula. Isn't that a great word? Spatula.

It's like a spider, but it's for the kitchen. It's like a spider. It just sounds like a word that would be involved in a spider, but it's for the kitchen. It's like a spider. It just sounds like a word that would be involved in a spider conversation. Okay. Let me think about it. I actually would advise you to think less about it. I don't know that I love spatula because of the ch. Are you saying that because it sounds a bit like tarantula? Yeah. Yeah. It's the ch. Are you saying that because it sounds a bit like tarantula?

Yeah. Yeah. It's the ch. Yeah, the ch. The chula. I don't like that word. I think though that champignon. Very good. Are we allowed to talk about that if we're not from the small French town? They're only champignons if they're mushrooms from the town of Champignon. Here they're just smart a sparkling little shrooms. Sparkling mushroom. That's very funny from you. I think another word that I really like is kettle. Kettle.

Kettle. I just love it. Remember that time you bought a toaster and told the story on the pod? That was fucking sick. So many people have replied. You have no idea how many messages I've got of people being like, I've just bought that toaster. I never doubted you. Yes, you did.

Actually, no, I take that back. I was very supportive. Because I was gonna tell you on the pod, in the office and you said, no, it's for the pod. But then it turned out to be huge because of the wide slots. If you're just watching on YouTube, we do an audio episode every single day.

And Tony tells a story about buying a toaster. I sound like I'm being a dick. I'm not. It's fucking sick. You do. It's cause I look like that. Yesterday, who was it that yelled Yahtzee when they came? Nicole Slocum.

Nicole's Nicole Slocum. She had an orgasm and yelled Yahtzee in the moment. Why did you just say the word orgasm? That's very clinical. She had an orgasm and- Cause I'm embarrassed. Why are you embarrassed? Anyway, instead of, instead of questioning it the next day and like good on them for

doubling up, uh, her partner finished and yelled King me. And we don't know what King Me is from. But we did then go on to talk about other boardgame keywords we could yell out during sex with each other. Fuck, you're making your way through those jelly beans, eh? Oh! Holy shit! Oh! Fuck, they are looking light on! I haven't looked at those for a while

and they are fucking light on! I didn't out you for bringing a quality story about a toaster purchase to the pod. And here you are! Thank you, did you hear that support from the fucking peanut gallery? Fuck you! A very, a very pointed,

poignant, non poignant comment. A champignon comment. About the jelly beans. The Cadillac of jelly beans, Glucogel. Glucogel. Thank you.

King Me is a game of capturing the clowns. Wait. King me is a game of capturing the clowns. Hey, capture the clowns and control the realms in King me. Inspired by Czech is the Krim, the Crim and Kingdom and the Onyx Empire face off. Why is everyone laughing? That's what this... I'm not the one that jizzed and yelled it. What am I missing? What am I missing?

Besides a lot of jelly beans that have been stolen overnight. Besides a lot of jelly beans that have been stolen overnight. Nicole Slocum's boyfriend. Yelled King me as he orgasmed. As he finished inside of her. Oh, hot. Um, no. And then he captured the clowns. So are you saying that- Or is she capturing the clowns?

I mean, chicken or the egg isn't it? But like, Yeah, that's like who came first? Well, no, she did. They went to the story. Um, is are you saying that that game about capturing the clowns is called King Me? Yeah. So I think that he yelled King Me as in what you proclaim in the game of checkers. He didn't just name a different board game.

Were you in the room when he was jizzing in the cold? No, no, but I, I don't think that's. But is he sure? It's a game based on checkers. It's a cousin of the game. Also, can you read out the, um, if you look at that, I've just seen the cover and it looks like it might be a like kids educational game. What is the clowns control the realms?

What is the age on that? Uh, eight and over. Yeah. I think that's like a kid's like educational game. I don't think that that's what they're talking about. I think they might be just talking about what you say in checkers. Cause you say King me, right? Yeah.

What do you say in chess? Is that checkmate? Checkmate. Yeah, no checkers man. Clearly. I've never played it. I don't think, I think we had it as kids, but none of us like knew how to play. We just like stacked all the tokens up together.

Um, sorry. had it as kids, but none of us knew how to play. We just stacked all the tokens up together. Sorry, that's just really funny that we talked about clowns because what a horrific thing to bring up while you were doing sex to someone. Imagine you're doing sex to someone and- I actually prefer to just say it to them. With them? To them. You're doing it to them? Sex to them. That's what I said. You're doing it to them. With them. To them. You're doing it to them.

Sex to them. That's what I said. You're doing sex to someone. Oh, sorry. At them. Towards them. In their general direction. So I was having sex at Tony, right? So Tony and I were having sex at each other and, um.

At them feels like I'm trying to have sex with you from like two metres away. And I'm like, yeah, that feels like that feels like maybe we're just both jerking off in the same room, which we've done many times. I think I've seen a video of a dog trying to like have sex with the dog, but it's like. Ryan. It's not, no, like it's just like nowhere near. It's just so far away.

Why are we watching that? I didn't Google it, the algorithm found me. Don't know if that's worse, but yeah. Because it's hilarious, it's just like humping, but it's not close to its target. I can't believe you just used the word humping. Oh, orgasms off the table, but humping is fine. Orgasm is well and truly on the table. You just said it weird and then you said humping and that's just thrown us all off.

Sorry, the term orgasms on the table is fine. Everything's on the table, big boy. We also said what happens if we Google Tony and Ryan Cricket? Yes. Oh, it's the episode from last week. Ryan's second biggest mistake. Oh, what if you Google Tony Ryan MCJ? I could do that. Sorry.

Google machine. It's photos of Tony Lodge at Taylor Swift. Is it actually? I don't trust you. No, it's not. There's that photo came up. Oh, that isn't at the MCJ. That's just in front of Paris. It's from a London rooftop and there's, you can see Paris in the distance. It's really crazy.

There's a building that, uh, I think it's a power building. I think people know what the Eiffel tower is. It's awful tower, not awful power. That's really embarrassing. Um, I've got to love to say it. Are we finished? Um, I've got to love to see it. Are we finished?

Yeah, we're finished. I've got to love to see it here. That really made me piss. Kate, Claire shared this in our Facebook group. And just for a little bit of context, Ryan, could you share with everybody what my robo vacuum is called? Ryan! No, I didn't.

Ryan! I'm having, it was the part of my brain that's now not here. Um, your robo... I can't believe I can't remember this. Janine. Sorry, sorry Janine. That's my daughter. I know.

Pippa's sister and you kind of don't know her name. Yeah, I know, I feel bad, sorry about that. Okay. Because I, yeah, I think, yeah, go on. I get it. You got a lot going on. Kate shared this in our Facebook group and said, I have zero regrets on what I named my Roomba

and this made me piss. Can you please read out the notification from Kate's phone that popped up when her Roomba needed attendance. Floor slut. Floor slut requires your attention. Floor slut is stuck near a cliff. I laughed so hard. Floor slut. I think I saw Kate post that in- That's what Torbs calls me.

I thought it was table. Table slut. Torbz calls me. I thought it was table. Table slot. I saw that post in the Facebook group also pierced. And I think when that came in, it removed Janine's name from my brain. Cause you like Tony's floor slot. Well, it's like my brain only has room for one vacuum name.

That's actually so fair. Yep. My love to see it is I'll send you this, Tony. Yeah. It's a tweet from Jake Humphrey. And it's a picture of him with his mum and it says 69 today. Love you, mum. And the top comment is from Texas Toon.

And it says, I really hope it's her birthday. Me too. How old's your mum? Sorry. She just turned 70. Oh, thank God. Off the hook. Um, that is really funny.

69 today. Um, that woman does not look 69. OK, I know that this isn't the point of the thing, but she does not look 69. How old does she look? Like 50 at the most, don't you reckon? She looks really young. Your mum looks really young, too. All 70 year olds look young. But don't you think that she looks really young?

No wonder no one believed that she was 69. They all thought they were fucking. Because she doesn't look 69. Well interesting, it looks like they're out for a dinner for two. And I mean incest is a game the whole family can play. How's that T you, Mum? I'm dressed like you. When you say stuff like that, I'll get like,

we'll eat it. Oh, I lose an eye out of fucking dog. No, that's a good you love to see it. So you love to see people fucking their mums. Is that what you love to see it. So you love to see people fucking their mums? Is that what the love to see it is? I like that Jake has taken his mum out for dinner. And breakfast. Should we cut this bit out? Do you think? Like genuinely should we? As if you're watching you know that we didn't. Have a great day.

Love you so much. See you at the cricket tomorrow. Can you please comment whether I have to leave my hair like this? You have to leave it there. It's so good. Love you so much. See you tomorrow. Bye. Oh, and we're going to record a Monday's episode from like after the cricket. We're going to record our episode. So we'll be live from after the cricket. Live at the time of recording. Live from Saturday. Yeah. Live at the time of recording.

Live from Saturday. Love you, bye. From fleet management to flexible truck rentals to technology solutions. At Enterprise Mobility, we help businesses find the right mobility solutions so they can find new opportunities. Because if your business is on the road, we want to make sure it's on the road to success. Enterprise Mobility. Moving you moves the world.