Toni and Ryan - How Many Horses?
Episode Date: June 24, 2025love u!JOIN US FOR TARPaTHON 3 on PATREON!!! LIVE for Champion TARPers 9am AEST JUNE 28!!!Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAn...dRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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or switching mobile providers.
Except with Fizz.
Switching to Fizz is quick and easy.
Mobile plans start at $17 a month.
Certain conditions apply.
Details at fizz.ca.
This episode is sponsored by Audible,
and if you're into psychological thrillers,
then listen up, this is for you.
Oh, it is.
Sacrilege Curse of the Mbui is the new audible original and it's bone chilling.
Bone chilling.
It stars Caleb McLaughlin, you know, Lucas from Stranger Things,
and it follows the story of the Wallace family whose trip to a luxury game reserve in Zimbabwe quickly unravels.
He unintentionally desecrates sacred ground and unleashes a supernatural force
called the Mbuwi, a vengeful spirit born from centuries of colonial oppression. We're talking
possessed animals, shape-shifting horrors, a vengeful spirit rooted in generations of colonial
trauma. Now Daschen, that's Caleb's character, he has to face this curse and his own past to save what remains of his family.
It's written and directed by visionary creator Nyasha Hatendi and presented in spectacular Dolby
Atmos. Think pulse pounding suspense with powerful explorations of identity and privilege.
Listen to Sacrilege, Curse of the Mbuie now. Go to audible.ca slash sacrilege that's S A C R I L E G E.
Hello and welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Tony, this is Ryan and we never
start an episode of our podcast without a tarpa approval.
Yep, that's Tony and Ryan podcast there and today we're off to Bedfordshire in England.
I wish you'd get in my Bedfordshire. Sorry.
Katerina do people use that pick up line on you before?
No, they haven't.
That's a little shame.
What are they doing there?
That's such an easy win.
Now, I believe we have a fellow cricketer.
Yes, we do.
Now, is that the summer sport?
The what's the your one, Tony?
Oh, my God. I heard cricketer and just heard cricket.
So the summer sport is that you're saying cricket like C.R.I.C.U.T.
Yeah. Yeah. Like the craft thing.
Yeah. I get it.
So would you but would you say cricketer?
Probably. Yeah. Yeah, I guess.
I guess cricketer may be a crafty cricketer. Crafty cricketer, yeah, because you know it immediately.
They don't mean the ball game.
You say crafty cricketer.
Well, Katerina, will you approve today's podcast?
Of course I will.
Legend.
Hi, it's Katerina from Bedfordshire in the UK and I approve this podcast. Happy hump day and I need to start with a public service announcement.
PSA as they call it in Viz.
We have talked about Surlys a few times on this show.
Oh no, don't bring it up.
Sophie, it's her favourite bar in Preston,
or in the world, but it happens to be in Preston.
Yep.
And she's sick of us talking about it
because now it's getting popular and she can't get a seat.
So I would just like-
Sorry that I've been supporting small business, Sophie.
So if you would like Sophie to get a seat
and to kill off a small business,
please stop going to Surly's.
Could you go after my child's bedtime?
Yeah, and that's fair actually.
And everyone should be living that way anyway.
So Surly's is open from... what time do they open?
They normally open like 4.
But if you go at 8, you'll still get a couple of hours drinking in, won't you?
Oh yes.
And the pizza place next door is really good. The El Jan is really good. But hey, you'll still get a couple of hours drinking in, won't you? Oh, yes. Yeah. Okay.
Yeah.
And the pizza place next door is really good.
The El Jan is really good.
Yep.
So Sarah's lovely.
That's just, that's the PSA for today.
It is my favourite place.
I love it.
Okay, but don't too many people go.
Yeah.
But after eight.
Yeah, after eight.
No, but still people go.
When she goes.
Nah, nah.
Soph's made a request and I stand by it.
Oh. I was planning on going to the salvo, but no. Sophie called made a request and I stand by it. I was planning on going to the subway, but no.
Sophie called me a bitch.
She did.
Yeah.
Don't you ruin my spot.
Don't you ruin my spot.
We might have to have a conversation with her after this.
Yeah, that's early.
You're my subordinate.
What does that mean?
It's done nice, sounds like a good day.
Is that a sandwich?
No, you're thinking of a subway.
Oh yum.
Nice.
Where'd you go?
Did you go Chicken Classic?
Yeah, Chicken Classic.
Yeah, fuck yeah.
Ever since we've been talking-
Charles and I get the same chicken.
Isn't that actually crazy?
Like of all the things that they do at Subway,
us ordering the same thing I feel like is quite wild.
They do a meatball and a chicken sandwich.
No, they do like a million things.
Yeah, but like they do meatball and chicken sandwiches.
But I don't know, I've actually never met somebody else
that gets chicken classics.
I'm like, ah.
Since we were talking about Subway the other week
and you brought us that clip,
I've been sent so many pictures of people being like,
oh, just getting this foot long tag, Tony and Ryan.
Yeah, I love that.
And I replied to all of them, I love it. No he doesn't. I replied to some and Ryan. Yeah, I love that. And I replied all of them, I love it.
No he doesn't.
I replied to some of them.
Yeah, okay.
And I don't mind it.
Today we're doing, that's not my job.
That's not my job.
That's not my job.
Oh, you missed one.
Everyone has had a job where this is what's required of you and then sometimes your boss
starts to take the piss a little bit and gets you to do shit.
That's not my job.
Or the one that I've found is like, oh, Tony, I know that you work in the deli, but we're
really short staffed on the registers today.
Like, would you be able to help us out?
And you kind of go, well, like, no, because I'm actually doing my own job. Yeah, I don't know how to work the registers
and I don't want to dog the girls in the deli because we're busy over here. But that's a classic
for me that I'm like you when you get called into a different department in a job like that,
when you go like, well, like then who's going to do my job? They go, no, no, no, that's okay.
Yeah. Oh, all right.
Yeah, okay.
Tapa Jordan was forced to do something
that's not part of her job.
Hi Jordan.
She works at McDonald's.
Ooh, yum.
Do you reckon if you work at like a Maccas
or a Subway or whatever that you just like
never eat there again?
I have heard that you are less likely to eat McDonald's
as often if you've worked there.
Is it cause like?
The magic's gone, you've seen how the-
The sausage gets made?
Or is it because like you eat it all the time
and you're like, I'm over it?
Probably both, I'd say.
Yeah.
Both make sense to me.
Although I don't think I could get over it.
I don't think there'd be a time in my life where I'd go, I've had too many Maccas nuggets. I was about to say the nuggets.
I feel like you'd be like, yep, oh, they ordered six. Oh, I made seven. Remember that one time
we said we could eat a thousand? That was in one day. And we said, oh, I could never
get sick of them. Yeah. And then we did. And then we got to what, 200? Not eight, no. In
the end, but we got to about 15 each and we were like, fuck. And we we got to what? 200? Not even, no, in the end, but we got to about 15 each
and we were like, fuck.
And we were like, what have we done?
Yeah.
I remember that night, like being in a salty coma.
Yeah, I drank so much Gatorade.
Like I would, oh, Gatorade would be the wrong thing,
wouldn't it?
Because that's salts.
We just like need hydration.
You're so dry.
No, but don't you need just plain water
to like balance out the salt you've had?
No, because then why do I drink all that sports drink?
Marketing.
Thank you.
You've been sucked in.
Yeah.
Tapa Jordan works at McDonald's.
Yep.
Yum.
Oh, we just did this.
This is definitely not in her job description.
Yeah.
I work at the Maccas drive-through and one time this lady comes around and her car is
on fire.
So she's at the window and just... Okay. and one time this lady comes around and her car is on fire.
So she's at the window and just, okay.
I had to help her put- That's a drive right home job, isn't it?
You're not stopping for a McFlurry when you're,
that's drive straight to the car yard or?
I had to help her put the fire out,
but she was more concerned about double checking
that her order was correct.
So I saw the flames and because you know how the drinks things by the window? She's like filling up sprite and water and just like chipping it out and throwing it out on the car. Sprite would not be what I would have thrown on someone.
What kerosene? Well just water. Yeah. Or flour. Flour would probably be. Well she was by the
drink station so she was just like slinging drinks at the car, putting the fire out.
Imagine someone throwing a sprite at you and you just get so sticky.
You add the flames on your car.
It's so sticky.
So...
Stick to the car.
Tapa Jordan finally puts the fire out and gives the lady her bag.
And all the alarms... Bing bong, bing bong, bing bong.
You know how all the alarms go off in the Maccas drive too?
The lady looks in the bag to double check
the extra fries are in there and goes,
and just nods and just drives off.
Didn't thank Jordan for-
She was more concerned about, you better get the order.
But wasn't like, oh, sorry about that or something.
Barely acknowledged that her car was on fire
Jordan said this was three years ago, and I still don't quite fully understand what happened that day and
You're a teenager working at Maccas. Yeah, like I just like thanks and so
And like goes to the guy who is that also yeah, I think I think yeah also wouldn't there be a fire extinguisher?
But when you like right there at the thing and there's a bit of flame
No, cuz wouldn't that be something that they go off a car comes through like that actually sounds like
Sounds like something that they would teach you don't you think if work at Maccas, let us know if you get taught what to do when a car comes through the
drive-through, that's on fire. Or even, but surely because-
No, it doesn't make sense, yeah. Yeah, because you're dealing with the
outside world. Oh, but there's, the kitchen surely would be prepared for a fire in case
something went wrong. Absolutely, that's what I mean.
Yeah. So I'm like, oh,
the Sprite has thrown me, honestly.
Is that because it's what you order?
Is that why you said Sprite?
No, you wanna know why?
You wanna know why?
Why?
Because it's clear.
Yes, so true.
Which doesn't matter.
She needed to be able to see.
Oh, it's fair, it's orange.
What are you gonna make it worse?
I'm like.
That's not.
You know what I mean?
We don't wanna fuck up your paint job.
We won't do anything green or orange.
Imagine what would be the worst thing that you could throw?
Sweetened towel sauce.
I think you might be right.
Oh, I've got a liquid here. I'll just peel the thing off.
Squeeze it out.
And they go, oh you're going to need another one.
They go, sorry, you only got 20 nuggets,
you only get two.
You only get two.
You get an extra box, you get three.
So, I mean, we're not made of money here at McDonald's.
It's a franchise system.
Franchise?
Yeah.
Yeah, no, I get it.
I was about to make a joke about a video franchise.
I love you so much.
Same.
That's unreal.
I love me too. And you. That's unreal. I love me too.
And you.
I love us.
Way to ruin the day.
It can't be ruined.
I've talked about Sweet and Sour sauce and McDonald's.
I just cannot believe that you just said so.
That's so funny.
Visually hilarious.
Jessica.
Hi, Jessica.
Fuck.
Do some fucking put some time in Jess,
because how are you you gonna follow that?
That's good.
Do you know what I mean?
Let's not make any assumptions
about what Jess has been through.
Okay.
This poor bitch.
Oh, fuck now.
I do home care for the elderly.
And uh-
And I'm throwing sweet and sour sauce on the old people.
And Jess goes, oh, me and this old duck,
we get along quite well.
And- You would grow like very close with people you're Jess goes, oh, me and this old duck, we get along quite well. And-
You would grow like very close
with people you're caring for.
Well, some of them you do your job,
but others they're just like on the same wavelength.
Yeah.
And so-
Or a bit cheeky or-
Jess said both me and this old duck
head out to a back patio and smoke a cigarette
before we get started for the day.
Love it.
Jess said, so one day I'm there
and I see a dead cat laying on the day. Love it. Jessica said, so one day I'm there and I see a dead cat laying on the deck. And I go to the old girl, what's that about? And the old lady goes,
yeah, it's on the list for stuff you helped me with. You don't mind digging a hole and putting that in the back, do you?
And what does Jess say?
That's not my job.
And does the song.
Full rendition.
But then Jess kind of goes, oh, but
like it kind of the whole point of us is like, well, who if who else is going to
help them with things? Yeah. And because you go around and they go, oh, I think something's broken there.
And can you fix the tally and help me get the towels
out of the thing?
And you wouldn't mind bearing that cat, would you?
Has Jess seen the cat there as a pet before?
I don't know.
She just said they were having a cig on the balcony,
which I just find funny in the first place.
I think that's hilarious.
And then she goes,
And you would, wouldn't you?
Yeah, and she goes, what's the deal with the dead cat?
And she goes, oh, yeah.
I, the casualness of that.
What's the deal with that?
Pussy on the floor.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And just goes, you want to see your pussy on the floor?
Tony Lodge, go outside and shake yourself.
Yeah, sorry.
Maxine Anderson. Hi Maxine.
I work in retail and this bloke comes in and says, can you keep an eye on this kid?
I've got to put a bed on a horse across the road, but they won't let under 18s into the
bedding shop.
It's a sure thing.
Aren't they all?
Yeah.
And before Maxine can even say, obviously not.
Hey, fucking hell.
What a great parent. Doesn't want him to be in a bedding environment. even say, obviously not. Hey, fucking hell.
What a great parent.
Doesn't want him to be in a bedding environment.
Yeah, he's thinking about the kid
and trying to pay for the kid's college.
Fuck.
And so he's taken off across the road.
So where did Maxine work?
Just in like a retail store.
Oh, right.
You know, and there's like the tab corp
across the road or whatever.
Yeah.
And she goes, oh, just be a sec, doll,
can you just keep an eye on him?
And she's like, oh, but, oh.
That is so fucked up. That is so fucked up.
That's so fucked up.
And then-
You'd call someone, eh?
I think so.
In that situation, you're getting on the phone
and going, hey.
I don't know how old Maxine is,
but she's in part of like,
when you're young and in retail,
you might not have the wisdom.
It would just be like, I don't know,
I'm not gonna touch this guy, I don't wanna look like him.
Well, I think that you can't, especially if someone came in and they were like, just do
this, you would comply obviously.
Cause there's a kid there.
Yeah.
Have I told you about, this is not the thing for a fucking comedy podcast probably, but
like have I told you about when I was in the hotel and there was those two kids?
No.
So I used to work like the night shift at a hotel and these ladies come down to the bench and they go, Hey dude, like they were the same. They're like, I don't really know what
to do in this situation, but the room next door to us, it just sounds like there's kids in there.
Like by themselves, you're like screaming. Oh shit. And like I do. I, yeah. Can you go have a look?
So I go up into the room and there's like a two and a half, three year old maybe
and a baby.
And then I walk in and the baby's on the floor and I reckon he's rolled off the bed or something.
And as I'm in there, the parents come in like behind me and they're like, what the fuck
are you doing in the room with our kids?
I feel like somebody has like reported that.
Yeah, I go, someone's made a thing, I was like,
where were you guys?
And they go, oh, we just went down
and get some fucking food from the, you know, whatever.
And I was like-
Oh my god.
19.
And I was like, you know-
Okay.
And in orientation, they don't really like, you know-
You can't put the sweet and sour sauce on the baby.
Yeah.
But they're like, there's no like,
oh, what to do if there's kids.
And I was like, I don't think you're supposed to do that, man.
Like, I don't think you can-
But you're 19, probably still drunk from the night before.
I like, you know, you-
But also it's like, if there's one thing I kind of,
like another rule of life,
and I don't want to make light of this situation,
but Mike, I don't know if it's someone else's job to tell a parent how to take care of their
kids obviously this is way different but just that natural like well I'm not
gonna tell you what and also you're a kid yourself and in the moment well I'm
not gonna say anything half an hour later I was like oh I should have
fucking called the police hold them right off but I was like the cops in
that situation and be like we eventually yeah I. But in the moment I was like,
I'm not going to be in your hotel room telling you what to do.
Well, you just kind of go...
Yeah, there's two of you.
I'm kind of scared.
This guy's kind of...
You're scared.
That's the thing, isn't it?
Imagine how Maxine felt in that scene.
You're in a shop.
Yeah, there's a kid there.
There's a fucking kid there.
And you just go, well, I don't want to...
Don't you think as well when you're scared, you're like,
well, this person knows where I work.
So I'm not gonna fuck with that, you know?
So Maxine's got like one eye of concern on the kid,
but she's also got one eye on the prize.
So she thinks-
Could we split the winnings if this is a sure thing?
Yeah, and she's like,
but also this guy better fucking buy something.
You know what I mean? Like if your car's on fire, at least buy some macs. You know what I'm saying?
And I'm always saying that.
And so the guy comes back and he's like pumped up. It's obviously one.
Yeah.
And he just comes in and goes, thanks. And he takes the kid and fucks off.
Doesn't sling a bit. Doesn't buy something. Even like as a common courtesy,
like you know how I need to like pee all the time?
I was about to say when you need to use the bathroom.
If I have to go in somewhere and pee and they're like,
oh, it's for customers, I go, oh yeah, fair.
Oh, buy something on the way out,
just let me use the bathroom and I'll come back.
I'll get a bottle of water.
Oh, fucking what's this?
What do you got?
It's the out of servo, a packet of gum, fucking something.
Just play the game, you know?
Yeah, totally.
And this guy just was like, fucking slow.
Well, I don't think he's really playing by any rules.
That is true.
Yeah. He's actually not playing the rules. That is true. Yeah.
He's actually not playing the game at all.
Yeah.
Jeez.
Finally, Melanie Bickford.
She worked at a bar and I reckon
before I knew about the McDonald's drive-thru
that if someone goes,
oh, we're doing a segment about that's not my job.
People that work in a bar probably cop
all sorts of fucking weird requests.
Do you know what I reckon they get all the time? Can you charge my phone behind the bar? Oh my job. People that work in a bar probably cop all sorts of fucking weird requests. Oh, do you know what I reckon they get all the time? Can you charge my phone behind the bar?
Oh my God.
Do you mind putting my phone on charge?
I'm going to tell you the first part of the story and please don't tease me.
I wouldn't.
You know how when I was in Madura a few times I like was the DJ at the local nightclub?
Yeah. Yep.
You're DJing.
Yeah. And people are like,
can I plug my phone in or whatever?
Yeah.
Can you do this?
Can you do that?
Do you know where this is?
Are you doing the lighting?
Are you doing it?
Yeah.
Although one of my favorite videos,
I'm like Lad Bible is this guy's DJing
and the girl's like, can I get four vodka cruisers?
And he's like, we don't do requests
and the bar's over there.
And she's like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So four vodka cruisers. And I think, and she's like, we don't do requests and the bars over there. And she's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. So four vodka cruises.
And I think, and she just like,
cause it's just a bench with a guy.
Yeah. And you're like, just give me a fucking drink.
Fair, fair to her.
And I think it gets to the point where he's like,
can someone just get this bitch four vodka cruises?
And I'm like.
He goes to the bar and he's like,
I'll get four vodka cruises.
But Melanie Bigford, it's 3 AM.
Yeah.
So like it's, you know, it's, it's, it's deep. Put the legs in. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, fuck you, Mel. So like, it's deep.
Put the legs in.
Yeah, yeah.
And- That's not a saying.
No, but I went with it.
Thanks.
The boss comes up and goes,
Mel, there's three horses in the car park
and we don't know who's they are.
Can you- No, stop.
Stop!
Can you go grab those horses and tie them up while I figure out whose they are?
Thanks Mal.
Also, don't worry about the cruisers.
We figured that out.
The DJ will get us.
Hi, Katerina from the UK and you're listening to Tony and Ryan.
This episode is sponsored by Audible and if you're into psychological thrillers, then listen up, this is for you.
Oh, it is.
Sacrilege Curse of the Mbewi is the new Audible original and it's bone chilling.
Bone chilling.
Bone chilling.
It stars Caleb McLaughlin, you know, Lucas from Strange Things.
And it follows the story of the Wallace family,
whose trip to a luxury game reserve in Zimbabwe quickly unravels.
He unintentionally desecrates sacred ground and unleashes a supernatural force called the M'bwi,
a vengeful spirit born from centuries of colonial oppression. We're talking possessed animals,
shape-shifting horrors, a vengeful spirit rooted in generations of colonial trauma.
Now Daschen, that's Caleb's character, he has to face this curse and his own past to save what remains of his family.
It's written and directed by visionary creator Nyasha Hatendi and presented in spectacular Dolby Atmos.
Think pulse-pounding suspense with powerful explorations of identity and privilege. Listen to Sacrilege, curse of the Mbuie now.
Go to audible.ca slash sacrilege.
That's S-A-C-R-I-L-E-G-E. mobile providers. Except with Fizz. Switching to Fizz is quick and easy. Mobile plans start at $17 a month.
Certain conditions apply.
Details at Fizz.ca.
A massive shout out to a few of our champion
tapas over on our Patreon.
When you say their name, I'll tell you how many horses that could catch in a cow park.
This is a good list of people.
Great.
Emma Jones.
Three horses.
Lindsay Baldwin.
Nah, just two horses for Lindsay.
Nah, that's a high horse name.
No. Lindsay Baldwin?
That screams horse girl to me. It would, no, the right energy and attitude, but just only two.
Okay, fair. Lexi Carpenter? No, probably one at most. That might be, that might be a donkey.
Yeah. Janna F? Seven horses. Tim Locke? Six. Tim is spelled T-Y-M. Oh five. Yeah. Alicia Spencer. Two. And this is a great one to end on.
Terry. How many horses you got? That's high horse value. Because Terry's got them covered. Terry's
got them. Terry's basically a sheep dog. Horse dog. Sheep dog obviously. Sheep. What rounds up horses?
Other horses.
Yeah.
Jockeys.
Jockeys!
Mel.
Yeah, Mel can take care of that.
So speaking of dead animals on the back porch,
recently I went to watch a play
because I'm a very interesting person.
I'm going to need to stop you there.
You'll have to just wait.
I'm going to need you to...
You'll have to just wait.
I'm actually going to need you to...
However it is these two are related, I trust that you're going to get there, but I'm going to need to know soon because my brain is not going to be able to concentrate on much else until you close that gap.
You're going to have to just wait.
Tony's chair just collapsed. It's just collapsed.
The chair is like, what's that got to do with the plane?
I hooked my leg around the thing and it touched the lever.
And it just went, rrrrr.
Did you see cats?
What?
Well, there's a dead cat on the board.
No, I saw a plane, not a musical.
You fucking idiot. I watched a play. Do you know how interesting I am? Come on.
If it's in a theater, they're the same. Fuck me. Okay, no. So not true.
But if someone says, oh, something about cats,
oh, I was at a theater, like,
you could maybe assume that-
I didn't say something about cats.
I said, speaking of dead animals on the back porch.
Well, that was a cat.
I didn't say anything about cats.
You need to listen.
I went to a play.
Did they sing during it?
There's no singing. It's a play. It's not a play. Did they sing during it? There's no singing.
It's a play.
It's not a musical.
Okay.
So, but it is like, it's the birds,
which is like, you know,
the Alfred Hitchcock did a version of it.
Basically this play is like,
it's a story and these people are living in this house.
The weather gets a bit crazy, gets a bit windy, right?
And they all go a bit kooky.
And then like birds are like flying into the house
and the birds are like kind of preying on the people.
And then eventually it's a very old story,
but eventually basically what happens is that like
the birds kind of go crazy and they fill up the sky
And they're attacking people and like flying into people's houses and killing them and stuff
Is this why you're not a bird guy? Because this sounds pretty scary
Well, yeah
So it actually is quite scary and it was really cool because the version that we watched had like
Everyone in the audience was wearing headphones and the sound design played through your headphones
So you could hear and it was a one woman play.
Like you could hear the birds out swirling and stuff.
Yeah and so the woman she played all the characters and so you could hear her and the whole soundscape
kind of like it was really fucking it was really cool and Torbz was like I've seen really
good things about this play I would love to take you it's got a really cool sound design
I was like amazing date night. We go and watch this play
It is quite scary and because the audio is in your ears like things that are kind of happening alike. It's quite
Spooky because it's like feels like it's happening. Yeah, they use the word immersive
Um, I don't think I did but if that's like the definition of a message
Yeah, you're like you're in it. You're in the world with them and. But that's like the definition of immersive, right? Yeah, it's like you're in the world with them.
And she was like the only actor, the lead, she was fucking incredible.
It was amazing.
Anyway, but you know when you kind of like watch something or hear something, whatever,
and you kind of start really thinking about like, you know, what it means and how it fits
into your life and all that, it's supposed to be this comment on like, you know, what it means and how it fits into your life and all that. It's supposed to be this comment on like, you know, global warming, but also, you know,
like the fuck society, like this dystopian kind of thing. And I've been thinking about it a lot.
And then I'm like, I'm working from home yesterday and I'm sitting like I'd been in the morning,
went home, I'm sitting at the dining table, just like tapping my laptop.
And like I look like out the back window and something kind of like catches my eye.
Is it bad?
And well, yeah, I was like, oh, it had been really windy.
And I was like, oh, the my gardening gloves, obviously, have like blown off onto
the floor because it's just like this like lump of black.
Someone's thrown down the gauntlet.
And I'm gonna play you a video.
So I like go outside to pick up my gardening gloves.
And I walk around the side of the house.
A fish has fallen from the sky.
It's not a fish you fuckhead.
Why are you ruining my story on purpose?
Is that not a fish?
It's a bird.
Is that a fish?
What the fuck?
It looked like a fish.
That is a dead bird.
In what world did that look like a fish?
I'll explain it.
I'll show you, but that is fucking terrifying.
So it's like a full black bird and it was just like dead outside, like the, um, like
on the deck outside the back door of my house.
This might be a weird thing to say.
I know what you're going to say and I totally agree.
It doesn't just look dead.
It looks like it's being killed.
Like it's on its back with its leg.
Like it's not comically, but like cartoon-like.
Yeah.
Dead.
And so- What the fuck?
Obviously, I'm like, I've just watched this play.
Like, what does this all mean?
Like how crazy?
And like, so I'm feeling like,
I'm obviously, I'm not a bird guy,
but this has like happened.
I'm like, what does this all mean?
I'm feeling really like weird about it.
But then I think what's actually happened
is that there's this really fucking pain in the ass cat
that lives somewhere around our house.
And you know how like cats are literally not supposed
to be allowed out because they like kill local wildlife
and stuff.
Well, so this cat has been like terrorizing
the neighbor's dogs.
Then the other day I saw it on the street
while I was talking to a neighbor and they were like,
is that your cat?
And I was like, no, but it really like terrorizes Pippa
and it bothers the dog.
So Pippa's, they're not scared, it's not scared of Pippa.
Like it's the other way around.
Yeah, it's a real, the cat is bigger than Pippa.
It's really like long anyway. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, start swirling now. So this is the thing, am I part of this? Is the play still going?
Is the play?
Immersive.
Immersive.
Immersive.
Very immersive.
Very immersive.
You are immersed.
I'm immersed.
Who was the main woman?
What's her character's name?
Shmoney Shmoj?
Yes.
Oh my God.
What happens to the main character at the end of the show?
Oh, geez. It's not looking good for you today, mate.
Like it's just one bird, but all of a sudden that could be many.
You're gonna get home and there's gonna be birds lying all along the fence.
Do you reckon? Yeah. Oh my god.
I've seen this before. It's like an Alfred Hitchcock thing.
Do you reckon I should start charging parking to deter the birds from coming in? I go, well every bird on the fence has to pay a gold coin.
Did Alfred Hitchcock not consider that when he was writing the film?
Because how do we get rid of those birds?
Oh, I know what we'll do.
We'll charge them two dollars each for parking and then they'll fuck off.
I hate to nitpick, but he didn't write it.
It's just, he did the most famous version of the...
I'm very interesting I went to a play I don't think you understand. Oh is that the main...
okay sorry I missed the main point of the story. Oh wow! Okay. You are... Tony you're very interesting. Thank you.
But so a little bit more freaky thing to like add to this thing was that when you just read out that
story and the animal was
just like dead on the back thing I was like that's the same as-
That is a coincidence!
Yes!
Thank God, yes!
I didn't watch cats!
And how many horses were out the back?
Isn't that so freaky though?
The way that bird was lying, I think like obviously everything you just said is fucked,
but even without all that stuff
the way it's lying is like it's really spooky it's real i'm not gonna put it in the episode
thread because it's probably a bit much i'll show you guys though yeah it's fucked it's like it's
quite upsetting i took a video do you want to move house yeah yeah i think i'm gonna move in with you
there's room come on down.
Butler on holiday, gonna have their wing of the home. The butler only has a pantry
and he is also not a real person.
He is a square meter.
But no, there's a spare room,
you and Toys can come with him.
Yeah, thank you.
And Pippa, obviously.
Cause she's scared of the cat,
that nasty neighborhood cat.
I think I might put a ramp where the steps are.
For Pippa?
Yeah.
Down like into the kitchen.
Cause I don't think she'll light those stairs,
but I think she would cop a ramp.
But what will happen though is it will mean
she'll just stay in one area.
If the stairs are there.
If the stairs are there, she won't even try and get up there.
Oh great, but also Mabel's like angling
for a ramp with the bike.
Oh.
Cause she got the need for speed.
So um. She would too. Yeah so. She's a bad bitch. What I'm saying is we, she got the need for speed. So she would too.
Yes. So what I'm saying is we can make our house work for you.
I love that. I really appreciate that.
Actually, yeah. Any time. Just don't.
What can I bring? Oh, I'll cook dinner.
Please. No, actually, no, you're a guest.
We'll cook you dinner. No, no, no.
You're allowing us to live in your home indefinitely.
Oh, is that like a bridging thing?
Bridget is your wife.
No, like a bridging, like whilst we're finding out.
The ramp, the ramp.
That's the bridge, is that what you're talking about?
I'm very interesting.
That's that's the main takeaway.
I've got it. Oh, you love to sit here.
And it is maybe my favorite thing
I've ever read in my whole life.
This is from Matthew Nickerson.
He posted this in our Facebook group
and I love it so much.
Matthew says, today I broke a personal best
thanks to Tony and Ryan.
I swam 300 yards.
The gym hasn't ever been my friend
but I'm tired of huffing and puffing
when I get up the stairs.
Relatable.
That's why we're putting the ramp in.
Thanks to Tony and Ryan talking about swimming,
I thought I'd try and start it a month ago,
and I'm in love.
Wet for life.
Fuck yeah.
I love that, Matthew.
And I love how many people would gas him up
in the comments too.
Yeah, isn't it so sick?
The wet for life hashtag got a heavy workout.
It did.
But thanks for sharing that.
But how sick is that?
Like, you just have to fucking get amongst it and start.
I just love it.
It made me so happy.
This will contribute to that energy, I think.
It is from Tapa Camille.
Hi, Camille.
My love to seed is me.
Oh, I love that!
Me learning to change the oil in my own car.
Never knew how to, always felt a bit silly that I couldn't.
So I-
Sorry, I just burped.
My mouth was open so wide that I burped.
I'm so sorry.
What's happening?
I don't know, I'm Ryan.
Have you eaten gravy?
I'm literally you, you're normally burping.
That's only after lunch when I'm fading.
That's true.
Change the oil in their own car!
I learnt and taught myself using
YouTube tutorials and now I'm feeling
very smug.
And I also learnt how to put a patch on
my own tyres.
I can let you know
Camille that I don't know how to do
either of those things. I barely know what a tyre is.
I thought that the wheel was the whole thing.
No, I thought the tyre was the whole thing.
Wheels and tyres need to get their story straight because the branding's off.
It's confusing.
Because I don't think that the branding is off.
Yep.
It's a good year to have a bad tyre, I believe the saying is.
A good year?
Like the brand?
Yes.
It's a BF Good Time to be Rich.
BF Good Rich.
That's just a working title for that one.
Don't have to lock that in.
Tomorrow.
Say hello to your tire power pro.
Do you remember that one?
Yeah.
Was that only in Perth?
No.
Is that everywhere?
Yeah. Great. Well, you'll have to see all of Was that only in Perth? No. Is that everywhere?
Yeah.
Great.
Well, you'll have to see all of that tomorrow.
We'll be back with normal or not.
Okay.
Love you.
Bye.
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