Toni and Ryan - How NOT To Behave At A Hotel Pool

Episode Date: December 9, 2025

[VIDEO FOR THIS EP AVAILABLE ON YOUTUBE] Christmas in Australia - Suburban Dad returns - Sunlounger etiquette - love ya!!!!!Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

So you want to know about the Aussie bloody Christmas. I do. How does it work? I take my bloody esky full of ice, mate, that I got from the server. I take that down to the beach. That's full of prawns, mate, full of 4x gold. And we have a bloody Ripper Day playing cricket on the beach, mate. So true. But, um, on the way down...

Now I haven't rehearsed this, but it's going pretty well. It is. Hi, I'm Brianne from Dunville, Ontario. I'm Candice from Brisbane Australia I'm Hannah from Uppsala Sweden and I approve this podcast And we are deep in a hole in a hole And we are deep in a hole of thinking

Are D humidifiers a scam And humidifiers? Because we're in the season in Australia that at summertime, which means air conditioners, it means fans, which means we're getting dried out at night, which means Tony. Yeah, lots of boogs. Crunky boogs. Like, not a runny nose, but it's like I feel like every morning I've got a lot, hoof them out. Yeah. So I was like, well, let's get dehumidify.

No, humidifiers. So then we can get the coolness but still have the moistness. Yes. But then what the fuck is a dehumidifier? So is the dehumidifier when it's a wet heat? And you suck the wet out. Yeah. And now where does the water go?

Into a jug? Like where does the water go? Yeah. Is it physical water? Do you know what I mean? I think this industry just made it up and we all just believed it. I feel like I'm being taken for an absolute right. I feel like Ashley Coochers involved.

Turkey journey of a thing. Because if you de-hue, is it? Literal water. Every time I think about the fact that you tried to say wild goose chase and started saying turkey journey. Every time I think about it, it just still makes me laugh. And just of all the things I've said, that is at least the top 400 funniest. That's really stuck though.

It's like when I said instead of the wild, well, as I said, it's Cowboy World. And that one has stuck for me is where I really like it. What happens sometimes is I'll refer to Cowboy World. yeah like to in conversation yeah yeah people don't get it well they should listen to the podcast yeah they're very good they go what's going on them and they go oh it's a fucking crazy over there it's like cowboy weird and they look at me they go it's like i mean them up up but but they kind of go like oh well well yeah when i'm overseas i always just like oh that's what they say in australia but you can get away with anything yeah and because while you're in america they just love it

So they're just like, oh, God, you crazy arseys. Crazy Ozzy isn't your cowboy worlds? You assies. That's fun. Assies. And because you're in Texas, that is cowboy world. Some of them of, yeah. Where's the place that we went before we went to Dallas, Fort Worth?

Like just over the road, it's like a different. Old town Fort Worth. And it was like the stock exchange and you think it's money, but it's cows. It's stock being exchanged. In the street. Yeah. Yeah. Now I saw people holding guns and that was.

She's real crazy. Yeah, and then you tried on a leather jacket for $8 million. Oh, my God. And there was that chick, remember, she was telling us that the hats are the hats that they make for Yellowstone. Yeah. That Kevin Costner show. Spacey.

No. Costner. Yeah. I was right the first time. Yeah. What was the update on that show that he made? He's like, I'm all in on Cowboy World. Didn't go out.

He left a winner. Yeah. And got on a loser. Yeah. And he owned the loser. Oh, don't you hate to see that. Yeah. Well, speaking of Cowboy World.

We've got some Australia chat because we got a message in Patreon asking about, actually, let's take this one step back. I don't think Americans know the difference between the northern and the southern hemisphere because we get these questions a lot like, oh, is it hot in winter in Australia? Like, no, it's just our summer now. Yeah, it's not hot in winter. It's hot in summer, which is now. Because it's our percent day. Can I say something? Because I'm agreeing with what you're saying.

Yeah. And this is going to sound mean. And I just want, it just, it is what it is. Okay. If Tony Lodge knows more about geography than you, you got a lift. I could not agree more. Geography, I will, it's my weakest. Yeah, but I don't know anything.

You're still stronger than one of the biggest countries in the world. Thank you so much. The thing about the understanding the flip of the seasons between like America and Australia, say is from watching TV because we get fed all this and then I go well hang on if it's cold there at Christmas why is it hot here this leads me into what I want to say please I don't think that the Americans as a generalisation and actually most of the Northern Hemisphere because as it turns out it's not just the Americans it's everyone I don't think that they realize really that we have a hot Christmas in Australia every year every year like oh it was a warm winter it's not

winter ever like it's summer it never been it's it's not yeah it's not a warm winter it is summer yeah we get this message on patreon and it's actually a very good question that i hadn't heard thought of and somebody asked if it is summer in australia for christmas what christmas music do you listen to because if you think about the christmas classics they've got us there that kind of come to mind, you go, we're winter wonderland vibes. I've got... Thinking of a white Christmas. Yes, exactly.

I've got a video that I'm going to play. I made this TikTok. Oh, this is me. I've just realized how genuinely strange it is that in Australia, even though our Christmas happens during our summertime, so it's really hot here, we still listen to American Christmas music or like English Christmas music that's like, you know,

about the winter wonderland or like, oh, the snow is outside, baby girl, it's cold. here. It's fucking hot. It's like 30 or 40 degrees in Australia. I don't think that people that aren't in Australia know that because someone just asked me and I was like, no, we listen to winter Christmas music. Isn't that so fucking straight? So first of all, if your TikTok is embedded in our YouTube, do you get a view for it? No. Click on the link. Now, I know I've been accused of creating a segment called Who's the Fuckhead and it just sounding like normal or nah.

But I think this is a genuine who's the fuckhead. Yeah, I agree with that. Because here we are on our high horses saying, you don't understand it's fucking winter and summer and it's different hemisphere and it's different. Yeah. Yet us on our high horses have been singing in a winter wonderland in summer our entire life.

So maybe where the fuck heads. So this video of mine, right? Yeah. How's it gone? What's the response been like? It's gone a little bit va-va-va-viral. I'm about to open it just so that you can have a look at some of the comments. Are they supportive?

Well, it's people being like, well, so what does this mean? Like, people are genuinely interested in, like, what it means for us. And I thought, well, you and I could explain how the world works. How it works and what that means. Or we could invite an old friend onto the podcast to explain it for us. Bring him in. No, is it, is it the father himself? It's the wrong draw. It's the suburban dad.

I, sorry, I thought. Michael Jordan was going to walk in. I thought you were going to walk around the corner and come back and Santa Claus was going to be. Um, so. Okay. So I asked the crew. I've asked the shit. No, no, no, no, no.

Sorry. What about that hat is suburban dad? Okay. Let me explain. Is the suburb Alwood? Okay. So I asked the team if anybody had a Nkubra and no one did. And all I had in the house was this.

It's Torbs as like, it's like a felt festival hat. There's a dead bug in there. Hasn't been worn for a while. Is the suburb Alstonwick? It's very, um, yeah. Oh, let better head to the summers. So we'd just assume that I'm wearing an acubra. If anyone knows a lot about Christmas, it's those guys.

Yeah, so it hasn't really gone Ozzy, has it. It's gone a bit Jewish. I respect that Ozzy. Or a bit hipster. Both. Yeah. Venn diagram crossover between the hips. Of the felt heart.

Yeah. Yeah. I respect that the perfect person to explain this is suburban dad. Yes. It's just the hat for me. The hat has been a bit of a miss, but I thought you'd be excited about the character. No, no. And I am.

Because we've had some requests for our suburban. dad to return um well this is the comments that are on the tic-tock video because i thought let me get into character yeah good-day mate yeah bloody good to see you mate it's suburban daddy good day quick question are you missing your hat oh bloody hell mate i bloody lost it in a rupert storm two bloody binks ago two shakes of a rabbit's ass and bloody me hat and blown clean off about the Aussie bloody Christmas I do how does it work well mate let me tell you we get a fucking

chili bin full of ice mate we take that down the beach it's suburban the suburb of New Zealand now we say chili bin here really I don't think we do do we not I take my bloody esky full of ice mate that I got from the server I take that down to the beach that's full of prawns mate

full of 4x gold and we have a bloody ripa day playing cricket on the beach mate so true but on the way down the misser. She's always putting on the Chrissy music. If I have to hear that Michael Bubble chap one more bloody time,

I'll tell you what, mate. Baby it's not cold outside, you know what I'm saying. Now I haven't rehearsed this, but it's going pretty well. It is. Well, mate, let me bloody tell you.

We do have one Christmas Aussie banger. Yep. Is it the suggestion from Jess Eddie, the top one? Let it. snore let it snore let it snore no oh no no but um you know that song that's like um dashing through the bush in a rusty holden yute kelpie by my side esky in the boot kicking up the dust singing christmas songs it's summer time and i am in my singlet shorts and thongs

Oh, jingle bells, jingle bells Christmas time is but Oh, what fun it is to write And a rusty holding Ute Hey, that's a good one Then all these people started commenting right And they're like, what about this Christmas song? Never heard of it in my life

There's apparently all of these Christmas Australian Christmas songs that I've never heard of Oh, oldie jingle bells That's what I just did So there's a Tim Minchin one apparently That's like about white wine In the sun or something but...

What, why, why. Someone said it's 30 to 40 degrees here too, but Fahrenheit. Which is comedy. So even us, well, comedy, but it also just adds to the confusion. Yes. Also, with the song he sung before, I reckon that's the seventh time you've assumed I also know that song. Oh, you've never heard that. Well, I've said from you, but no one else.

Oh, sorry, the seventh time I've said that you knew that song and particular you know how everyone knows this and I'm always like for that song oh did you not do that in primary school oh that was a did you do that in primary school charles yeah that oh my god I'm so sorry I've just saying oh yeah see that that hat is a bit oh it moves with me Charles how are you doing that that's amazing this is happening in real time oh got him um so the Kubra that Charles has put on me. Still not a kubra enough.

It's closer though than my... It is closer. Yeah, than the felt hat. Sorry. I tried to get on brand. But I thought that suburban dad, though, he's probably the most Ozzy out of all of us. One of the questions was,

why don't you write your own Christmas song? Should we do that? Last year, remember, we did all those parodies. That was fun. That was fun. Yeah. That was a good day at your house. That was farm.

And we had a sausage sizzle after. I miss sausages. Why aren't we seasoned more often? I'd just say leftover spaghetti like a fucking idiot. Okay, sorry, we've gone off Christmas, but I think this is more important. I got a question from someone there as well. Should we be sisen every fortnight? Like, is that something we should implement?

I think so. Like a fortnightly sys. People are saying yes. Always at your house or rotating? You can rotate. I'm happy to see it my place. I know it's a hike for everyone, but the... No, but you do have a pool.

Do have a pool. Yeah. And the temperature is right. And a baby who's fun. Yeah. Oh, we just got a trampoline in the lounge room. A trampoline. In the lounge room.

Like a little, like rebound the one. And it is chaos at my house at the moment. That is so fun. Is it Mabel's or is it like you... Because rebounding has become a bit of a trend online. I would say Mabel is the lead bouncer, but not the only bouncer. Yeah, you've been bouncing? I've been bouncing.

Okay. Sorry, you said you had a question. Bron was a mess. Oh, four legs. They don't get it. No, no, no, no. Someone has said, does... Sorry, is this a question for me or...

For Suburban Dad. Yep. Does Father Christmas dress like it's winter, even though he's working during summer? You wouldn't bloody believe it, mate, but yeah, he fucking does. He's got the whole garb on. He's covered in fur. He's got his big boots.

And is he sweaty or... Or because... No, he's still got that rosy red nose Like we all know from the pictures. I think you're thinking of the reindeer. Well, Rudolph has a red nose, but like, you know how Santa has like a rosy red cheeks and nose? I think you're thinking of Rudolph.

I think they both. Santa has like a rosy nose as if he's just been in the snow. See? Oh, yeah, but maybe it's more of a sunburn. Oh, actually, yeah. You might be right on there, Matt. I don't reckon Santa's done his fucking SBA. And SPF for Santa Stancewell, Santa's present.

Fuck. Santa presents? Fuck, yeah. 50. 50 plus. Plus what? But interesting, though, that I have basically taught an entire generation about Christmas in Australia. Do you mean a hemisphere?

No, because not all ages would have seen it. So. This has been enlightening. Yeah. How's it? And lightning, not like we're in an lightning mode. In lightning, yeah. But it's hot here during Christmas,

and it's really important that everyone knows that. And yes, we listen to Christmas music from the snow. And yes, we all have fake snow on our Christmas trees and all that shit. have not realized that it's not. There's literally fakes on the Christmas tree behind you. Okay, I'm going to ask this question again. Question again. Who is the fuck wit?

Is it ass? Look at me sitting next to a snowy tree in the middle of fucking summer. Yeah. And like Tommy on our team, he baked us gingerbread last night. A wholesome winter meal. Well, were you fucking sweating in the kitchen? Are you baking naked because the oven's on and you're like, fuck this? Am I allowed to ask Tommy if he baked naked?

Like legally? I think so. Tommy, were you baking naked? I think it was like half naked. I knew that gingerbread tasted good. Are we allowed to ask which harm? Don't answer that. Don't answer that.

Winnie the Pooh or Donald Duck? Wait, no, they're both the same half. Winnie the Pooh or a surfer. Left or right. Oh, worse, front or back. So you're back in the, your part of the back, you look, but on front of you, like your little doodles out? That is so funny. Why are you naked?

I'm not. And you turn around, you look fully dressed. Yeah, I'm half-dress. Oh, no, you can come in. I'm just half-dress. But which half? I'll just face the wall. Which half, though?

Uh, surfer half. Hi, I'm Briann from Dunville, Ontario. I'm Hannah from Uppsala, Sweden. Hi, I'm Candace from Brisbane, Australia. And you're listening to Tony and Ryan. Before Tony reads, sings the champion Tapa sing-outs, for those watching on YouTube. Oh, because it's not a shout-out. That's funny.

I'm now wearing the digitala-cubra. And it looks good. It does look good. Looks good. All right. A shout-out to, a sing-out, sorry, to a few of our championed tarpas. On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me. Chelsea man wearing Simone Green Sherry Crawford,

Sabrina Dunkel, Andrea Jay, Bridget Coat, Panya Bell Charlotte Dickinson Hinera O'Rochie Saras and a partridge in a Tony And Ryan, please subscribe on YouTube if you're watching Because 81% of you are subscribed but the rest of you aren't and that would be

the best Christmas gift for us to receive is subscribing to our YouTube Beep boop, beep boop You can also subscribe on Apple or Spotify So please do that now Here is Tony Vodge Woo

Beautiful stuff Tony, not only have you helped an entire generation slash hemisphere. Thank you. Tony was my personal duolingo. Yeah. You heard that right. When I went to visit the family in Texas, me and the bros did a sneaky trip to Carbo.

Very fun. And isn't Carbo a good time? I've never been. What was there? describe the weather oh high of 28 low of 27 didn't see a cloud the whole time dry heat yep nice not 20 nice not real like flies and shit like just really clean and nice and the better than Perth that's a big call but sounds like maybe I would say Carbo is to Mexico what Perth is to Australia oh let's move to Perth

I thought you were going to say Mexico Oh If you went to Cabo You would never come back It is I'm going to get Oh Like I'd say

Yeah not like you'd be off Oh yeah Well God You'd just be like Why would I leave? See that's how I felt about Sydney The other week Do you like tacos?

Yeah Do you like being an ocean girl? Yes Do you like warm weather But not hot weather Yes Do you like swimming? Yes

I don't like swimming, actually. I love her. Sorry. So do you want to explain what happened when we were talking on FaceTime? So Ryan had FaceTiming while he was in Mexico and he's sitting and he, I need to add Charles just so that you know and so all the tarpers know. You had been in Mexico for a couple, like a day or two. Yep.

And you know when you go to a new country and you go like, well, I'll probably learn maybe two or three words, at the minimum. No. You go, I'll probably learn how to say hi, and I'll probably learn like, you know, I thank you. We are on FaceTime and Ryan's... You're about to add my daughter?

Huh? Who kept saying bullet to everyone? No, I wasn't. You've done that yourself. But like, you know, you kind of go like, oh, so if you went to Italy, you'd be like, oh, bonjour. Like, nope, that's French.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, please continue this judgey story. Yeah, let me get off my fucking high horse. Anyway, so Ryan has been in Mexico for like a day and a half and we're on FaceTime and he is like, oh, I'm just sitting in like this random little restaurant. It's closed at the moment, but I'm just having a drink. And then, so the waiter walks over and he's like, oh, here's your margarita or whatever. And Ryan goes, thank you. But I'm on FaceTime and I go, oh, gracios. And Ryan goes, oh, yeah, cheers.

And the waiter goes, dinada. Like, you're welcome. No, I didn't say thank you. I said, Tony, what's the words? Yeah, they go, Grosios. I was like a personal translator. You're my personal duolingo.

Yes, do a leaper. Do a leaper. So, Mabel had a hard time distinguishing because in her mind... Must be fucking nice. Let's just... I know. Let's just fucking... After she went to Fiji, her brain has now gone.

Tropical Island vibes. We say Buller. And you know what? Like, she's fucking one day old. So fair enough. We're like, Ola, and she goes, Bula,

and she thought she was saying the same thing. And she just said, bullet to everyone. That's quite sweet. Is it, what age is that? Do you guys live in Fiji?

Like, they don't know. Why these Mexican legends hanging out in Fiji all the time? Yeah, love that for them. Yeah. What age is that not cool?

I mean, you're still just saying hello. It's not like offensive. I'm not offensive, but just like if a white guy goes, Bula. You're like, oh, it's all the same,

isn't it? Yeah. No, I think that, yeah, when you're a kid, I reckon 12. Yeah. Yeah, okay, so she's got some time. Like, I reckon, like, kids are, is fine. Can I?

You should have known how to say thank you. Usually, thank you. And surprisingly, sorry is a good word to know. Yeah, or like, excuse me. Yeah, that kind of, like, because they kind of go, oh, he's trying, oh, sorry. Um, I'm going to tell you the story and I think you might cry because it's beautiful. Oh, okay. So my birth father, Joel, who's over there,

we go out for dinners. When he was driving, he, you know, since I've known him, as you know, loves to have a beer or two. But if he's driving, you know, one beer with dinner and I'll drive and then I'll, you know, we can have a few drinks when I get home, but he's like, I'll have one or two, but, and that's sort of the stock around the world, I guess, yeah, and his whole life was the same. Oh, I'm good driving.

I'll just have a one. But he's also happy to drive. Happy to drive. Happy to drive. And so we get to this restaurant. and he goes oh i'll get a soda water or something and um oh okay and then you didn't drink anything at all and then we drove home and even anything much of it the next night he also doesn't drink anything at all and then um his wife goes oh why aren't you drinking he goes oh

i got to got to drive home yeah and she goes oh yeah but like you don't only have one when we get there and then for the last 30 years you've always had one or blah blah and he goes you she said you never don't have anything. Yeah. And he said, yeah, but I've never been driving Mabel home till now. Now, I thought that was beautiful. His wife was like, oh, so it's fine for me. What about our kids?

Yeah, and so there was like. Cooper and Cole like, oh, okay. So we all went, ah, ooh. That's so sweet. Isn't it nice? I love Joel. he is the like such a gentle soul yeah it's crazy mabel calls him grampy now by the way that's been bedded in um it's crazy

how similar you guys are like the nature versus nurture that you guys are really you've got really similar gentle soul like I think you just are very alike he was great for her he's in the pool every day with mabel very playful like having a great time which is you too like you're like that I'm so full. I'm still being rung out from swimming 20 hours a day. Yeah. But there's something I've got to say.

Oh. And I don't want to step on hot take Tony's toes. Hey, no, no, no. There's plenty room for all of us. And I think you'll agree with it, which is why I think you'll be fine with this because you'll be like, couldn't agree more. Yeah.

Because we stayed in like a resort kind of apartmenty building sort of thing. So you could like make your own breakfast and like, yeah, so good. Yeah. If you get up at 6am to reserve a lounge spot by the pool, you need to get a fucking life. Could not agree more. So people would go down with their towel and their bag, like bags a spot and then go back up and go back to bed and breakfast.

Or go to the buffet or something. Yeah. Or go on a fucking boat trip for the morning, like taking, the poohs. So, because Mabel wakes up pretty early. So she'd wake up, we'd like have a little bit of oats and we'd go down to the pool because we're just like loving the pool sitting. And the weather's great.

It's something like fun you can do all day. This pool was huge in terms of like, there's probably 40 sun loungers around it. Yeah. We were the only people in the pool. There wasn't really anyone sitting around the pool and we couldn't find a place to sit because they were taken. That is so fucked And I saw this video

Who cares? Yeah, like, fuck off And also like, you wouldn't need to reserve them If people like you weren't out here reserved them Yeah You're not Like you're not in traffic, you are traffic So true

Yeah You're not creating a solution to the problem You are creating The problem would not exist Oh my God And so I get down there and they go And everyone's gonna get a turn Yeah, so we get down there

And the guy goes oh la and mabel goes bolla and then we go cool um you go thank you something venucca yeah and then we go um can we just get a little sun lounge of me maves will share and he goes sorry there's none left and i looked around i'm like there's it's eight 30 where are we at with tossing their bags in the water if you really want to be near the pool why don't we really get you in the pool oh i'll get you wet mate don't you fucking worry yeah where are we out with putting their towels in the pool in the pool or just fucking them off into the ocean just really getting out there

you know who else would appreciate a towel a turtle a shark they might want to dry up they might love that finding their motel so Mabel had this blow up ring around her that she's slamming it like a floaty yeah floaty and then but like a one that you would inflate

yeah and then we had this little toy shark I think they're all inflate I think that's the point of them no but some of them are like rubber or like a physical thing what I'm saying is sorry what's not physical about the inflatable one it's like full of not air what's it full of then like buoyant shit like just buoyant shit like if you're wearing a life jacket yeah Charles bring a life jacket up on stage screen what are you rehearsing for

jacket and my god if i see if i see in your google search of like that includes it yeah so where's the air the blow-up bit in that yeah also isn't that guy having a great time he's having a great time yeah he's in his clothes so anyway are you talking about like this like that's not blowed up yeah i like know what you mean but they're like yeah so anyway we had a toy shark and i always go oh the toy shark's gonna bite you and the rough edge of the shark actually popped her inflatable floating and now she's like oh like sharks bite shit

and I was like well actually yes they they do but I taught you a scary lesson by accident and I'm like oh there's a shark coming and she's like

oh don't let it get my thing like it's taught her like sharks are bad and to avoid them in the water and I was like probably a good thing you know sharks get a bad rap

though I'm a big fan of sharks I'm a big fan of sharks I'm a pro shark but we're just aware of sharks of their capabilities to fuck up stuff I truly believe you should be able to fuck off someone's stuff on a sun lounger if they're not there.

And maybe throwing in the water is a bit rough. But, like, I think you should be able to, like, pop it on the ground or something. Because I reckon if you pop your stuff on, like, there and then you're like, go for a swim, you dry off. And then you're like, oh, I'm going to walk up to the bar and get some hot chips. Yeah. Like, there needs to be, like, after 10 minutes or I've worn to the bathroom or. Absolutely. I don't think that someone can get up

and you throw their stuff in the pool. I think you can. But you can tell when someone's just gone to the bathroom because often like the seat will be a bit wet or their towel is kind of crumpled up or whatever. No, like they've just gotten out of the pool, obviously. And like the towel's a bit crumpled is different to like a folded towel on the end where they've bags in the thing.

And also I think that the time of day is really important. At 9 a.m. is everyone in the bathroom because have we all got diarrhea and what's wrong? Don't eat the fish tonight because we were all in the toilet at the same time. If we all had an 8 a.m. coffee, maybe we are. You know what I'm saying? So hang on, because Tony, I look for you as my like moral and ethical compass. Appreciate that.

Yeah, you're always coming this pass. What did I just say? You'd never come. You want to come? Pass. I want you look down the barrel of the camera speak directly into that mic so everyone listening and watching is very aware

I want it to be like after X amount of time I think well I don't think we are allowed and you just we are now approving the removal of items on a sun lounger

vibe is up to you. And if someone says anything, you send them to toni and ryan.com.com. You just fuck them on. Do we need to set up a page? So we've just got that. Listen here. Merch, info.

Send us to normal or nah. Complain about the sunlounger. Yeah. Tony and Ryan.com.com. You're the sunlanger. Yeah. And then the rules will be there. I just think that there's a vibe.

And I reckon that if you're a good person and you're being taken advantage of, you're going know the right the right energy yeah okay i think i'm in a greens yeah i think so now i've got while we're talking about water yeah oh speaking of i think my love to see it it's not really it's it did start from a meme i loved to see to be fair love it uh but i think it's more of it just for you i'm going to this is just a gift to you that you will love oh okay because i'm gonna do an impression accent work oh oh No, that's okay. No, I think that could be accent.

Okay. Because someone sent this meme into the Facebook group and I just, I, so my gift, this is my gift and my life's sake. Okay. Is this your secret Santa gift or just a separate gift? When are we doing those? Next Thursday. Fuck, okay.

Also, another question, does anyone know a plumber on the good side of reservoir that knows how to install bidet's? Biday, mate. I don't want a bidet. Can you come up with a different present? Well, I don't know who I've got. So true. If you have me, can it not be a bidet?

What would you like to whoever's got you? What would you want them to get you? If not a bidet. Because I didn't use, I've gotten you something. Oh, I've got my person something. And I'm pretty proud of it. Anyway, sorry, you do your love to sit now. This is my impression of a wealthy man on the Titanic if it didn't sink.

Okay. Why is there all this jizz in my car? Oh, because of there. Oh. You know what? That is really funny. The accent did try me up. I've actually...

I must have... from the cargo pool a lot of water in my ears because I didn't actually hear the roars of laughter oh they're back there we go no that's very good

did you love to see that I did love to see it actually because I love to see you doing an impression that's so fun I just didn't really get the meme at first like I was like why would there be jeezing the car

but now I know the reference I'm so sorry Wood tap I remember when I thought that was funny No it was funny Yeah And the tiny tap was so funny

Very cute Just like you Wood tap Aw I've really love to see it here And this is very sweet Clister sent this through It's really nice

Clister says Sorry this was on Patreon I've recently started cooking You love to see it My mum was the cook In our house And a great one and since she passed away two and a half years ago

my family just kind of started like getting takeaway more and stuff because it was like oh well mum used to do that and it feels a bit weird. Yeah. We don't know how to do it. Totally. Clister says I'd always help her cook

but was too scared to try it by myself. I decided to just give it a try and I've been really successful. Over the last couple of months there's only been one failure. Apricot chicken? That would be a fucking failure. It's fucking hard. It's awful. And she says it wasn't inedible.

It just didn't taste very good. It's really easy to burn apricot chicken on a hot pan. Well, just burn it so you can throw it out and get pizza. Apricot chicken sucks dick and not the good kind. Apricot chicken is such an abomination and I actually find it so offensive that it exists. Don't be saying that new big apricot. No, I hate it. It's fucking, yeah, apricot chicken made with real apes.

Anyway. Clister says I knew it wasn't a failure I knew it was a failure sorry because every other time my dad went for a second plate and that time he didn't Another surf dad? No I'm actually good

No I ate a big lunch I had a foot long from Subway so I'm fine Bless him for not saying a word about that Clister says I'm really proud of myself for taking on something new Same it's actually huge And cooking for the family is intimidating

Like when you're I did a bit I took a bit of a risk this week on a food on a dinner and I do it wasn't it wasn't bad it was just what was the meal um I winged a marinade and it was just a bit heavy on the soy sauce it was I just I was like we're just doing it from yeah I just was like we'll just see I was like um is there such thing as too much soy sauce it it was a bit salty for me Torbs liked it so I roasted like eggplant and tomato and mushrooms and stuff.

Okay. And then the marinade was like salmon and then like miso and soy sauce and like some honey. It was just a little bit heavy on the on the soy. It was, it was. You just described the perfect meal. But it just like, I'm just kind of trying to be a bit like, oh yeah, I'll just fucking figure it out. But then you go, oh shit, sorry everyone.

But it was all right. Did, have you seen that there's like these bits of paper that you get from IKEA? and you just put the stuff on the paper and it shows you the sizes. That doesn't make sense. All right. So imagine like a piece of paper like a placemat like sitting on the bench.

Yeah. And it's like there's a circle and it's like put this much sauce here. Oh, sure. And there's another little circle. It's like this one put salt here. And then like there's a bigger one that's like put the meat here.

And then you like bring it together and put in the oven. And it's like it does the portions for you just on the paper. Oh, I've never said. That's awesome. That blew. I only found it like a few days ago. It blew my fucking mind.

That's my love to see it. That's clever. Yeah, Pepper LePier. What? Oh, when we cook with paper, I just say paperlipure. What does it mean? Pepeepleapu was a character from Rooney Tunes. Oh, Matilda, with Daddy DeVito. Yeah, I'm still recovering from that.

We, well, actually, before I get to tomorrow's episode, I'd like to wish my mom a very happy birthday today. It's my mom's birthday today, 10th of December. How about would you be today? Oh, fuck you Question without notice She's born in 59 So

How's a data girl? What's that? 966 Yeah, nice Oh, if you're retiring this year So a big happy birthday to my mum Love you very much You'll be proud to know

That your daughter is cooking a lot She would actually She would like that And I hope that My mum and Clister's mum are friends Same. You know? They're out there chatting about

fucking roasted a chook or some. Yeah. Isn't that nice? They're just hanging out. Then my birth mum comes in and they go, fuck off you. Only room for two at this table. No, they would.

They would. No, they're the cool girls. They would get it. They would welcome Julie. They would welcome Julie. But tomorrow, huge episode. Why is it a huge episode? Are we saying?

Yeah. Tomorrow is our thousandth episode of this podcast. Isn't that just fucking crazy. Very crazy. What would Liz be more proud of? A thousand episodes of Tony or the fact she's cooking salmon? And Ryan.

No, she'd be stoked about the pod. She would be. Oh, I was going to say it's salmon. Nah, she'd love the pod. Yeah, okay. And she would love you too. Would she? Yeah.

Yeah. Would I love her? Oh, maybe a bit too much. You know what I'm saying? Would you fuck my mom? In an alternative universe where... You'd be my dad. brother dad

stepdad be a brother I'd be your stepdad oh and I'd welcome that oh you'd be my stepdaughter there's videos about that tomorrow 1,000th how do I say thousands

I've got 24 hours to figure that out South and no you're trying to say south of France 1,000th 1,000th it's our thousandth episode what and like how come

no one can say that without sounding like I've got a crazy lisp. It's our thousandth episode. You've got to kind of say it like you're prissy. Prissy or like British? That's the same thing. Falva, for Fafafon!

Oh, hello, God, we're celebrating our thousandth episode in it. What about if we were from Texas? Gide, partner. We're celebrating our thousandth episode. That was good. And what about the Italian nunner? Oh, I'm Mamma Mia. Thousand episode.

So why is an Australian accent the only accent where it doesn't work? Because all of those are flawless. It's the thousandth episode. All right, we'll chat to you tomorrow. For the thousandth time. Yeah, we're going to be four digit bitches. Fuck me. I'm wet.

That's what you often say when I give you four digits. That'll do me. That'll do me. My mum is proudly watching over us. Love you. Bye!