Toni and Ryan - How stiff are you?

Episode Date: May 18, 2025

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Hi, it's Jessi Cruickshank. I host the podcast Phone a Friend. I also have three kids and I'm in the middle of a cross-country stand-up tour. The only thing keeping my life together is my Google Pixel 9 phone. Thank you, Google, for gifting it. It's powered by Gemini, which is a built-in AI assistant. I'll jump off a flight and ask Gemini to please summarize my unread emails. I looked through your unread emails and found the following. Inoices, tour details, e-ticket confirmation. And just like that, I'm up to date and I have invoices to pay. Learn more about Google Pixel 9 at store.google.com. So it's really no secret that we love comfort and we love lounging.

And today's episode is sponsored by Cozy, who we love and what we love to be, who make everyday home furnishings easy. Modern, adaptable and worry-free, Cozy Design Furniture for real life to make your day-to-day feel a little bit lighter. They also make the assembly super easy before you know it. Literally blink of an eye, stunning, comfy couch, love it. And the best bit is when you want to refresh your space or if you move house

You can just reconfigure your couch it adapts to you your home your way It's the people's couch and I've always said that you can mix and match rearrange add pieces whatever you want It's modern practical and totally personalizable. So your home actually feels like your home plus It's great for those of us who are a little messy. Rude. Now the covers, they are interchangeable. They are washable, which makes cleaning up simple and stress free. You love to see that. Transform your space and visit cozy.ca. That's C-O-Z-E-Y.ca. The home of possibilities made easy. Hello and welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Tony, this is Ryan,

and we never start an episode of the podcast without a TARP or approval. Yeah, TARP or is Tony and Ryan podcast. I'm one of the OGs. Is that fair to say? OJs. OJs, James McDonald. James.

Hello. We were just bonding over our harrowing experience we all had together, the three of us at Karen's diner. Yeah we went out for dinner together once it was terrible. It was terrible. I still have anxiety. Yeah because of the place not because of the company though. That is fair to say. 100%. Now James I know you might be stepping on Tony's turf here but I believe you've got a mid-year fucked fact. Oh that I do and I think it's a good one. Yeah. You know how we have the Nullarbor Plain in Australia? Yeah. Did you know that it's called that because null means no and arbor means trees.

So it's like the no trees plane. Oh, wow. Nullarbor. That's that is actually a great fact. That is a good fact fact. Oh, and I like a word one as well. I know that the word ones aren't necessarily your fave rhyme, but I really like the word one.

But I'll tell you what I do love, a fact that's hiding in like in full sight. Did you just say plane because of the nullable plane? Yes, I'm all worked up. Yeah. But it's like been staring at us this whole time. Yeah, like of course it means something. Yeah. Yeah.

But like null, trees, yeah. I've driven across it. True. Well, now that we've had that confirmed, now that's confirmed. Now that fact has been quality assured by Ryan Shaw. Are we all for today's episode, James? Until death do us part. Hey, it's James from Melbourne and I approve this podcast. Today's show is being recorded in an AirBnB in Toronto. Welcome to fucking Canada. And the reason I bring this up is because Charles just put on a Canadian playlist and for the last hour we've been playing a game called, oh these guys Canadian! Well at first we didn't realize it was a Canadian

playlist and I was just like oh this is a random collection of songs then started putting it together in my mind and then I was like hang on! I think Brian Adams was the turning point. Yeah and then I in my mind and then I was like, hang on. I think Brian Adams was the turning point. Yeah, and then I, in my mind was like, what other songs have we heard? Cause you said we're in Brian Adamstown. And I was like, what is he Canadian? And then. Or should this game that we'll all play together

be called, here's who Tony just learned were Canadian? I mean, it isn't super catchy. Working title, working title. You were very shocked at the weekend. I did not know that the weekend was Canadian. Yeah. Did you know that Charles? Do people know that? I didn't know that but like doesn't everyone just think they're like Canadian American and like people who are from this side of the world or just put it into the same boat. I don't know if that's how they feel over here though.

No it's not. And just as you said that, people are going to hate that. But I agree. Yeah, we're so far away. You guys are all just North America to us. And like, I mean, everybody that's met us since we've been here, like random people and like in restaurants and whatever, they're like, oh my God, what's London like this time of year?

I'm like, I don't know. You put all us into the same boat, so I fucking cop that. Literally everybody has been like, God, how's London? I'm like, probably great. You know as much as I do what London's like right now. It is good, however, you're asking the wrong guy. Yeah. Hang on, sorry. What were you going to say, Charles?

I got in the Lyft when we were in New York and there was someone who lived in the UK and she said to me, oh, what part of the UK are you from? And she was from the UK. She was from the UK and she was like, oh, I thought we had the same accent. I was like, what? How? What the fuck? Yeah. We get confused for English a lot or from the same accent. I was like, what, how? What the fuck? I, we get confused for English a lot

or from the UK somewhere. I don't hear that at all. No, they're so different. Like I, I, I genuinely, and I'm not like being like, oh, I don't bloody hear that. I actually think we sound so, I think that we probably sound closer to like South African than we do to English.

Fuck dude. No, genuinely. Yeah, but fuck. But I don't, like I just don't think that there's any similarity. Yeah, none either. Carly Rae Jepsen, Canadian. No.

Yeah. Is she really? Yeah. Friday, nope. Nope, that's Rebecca Black. Oh, is she Canadian as well? No, that's who sings Friday. Friday. No, no, that's Rebecca Black. Oh, is she Canadian as well? No, that's who sings Friday. Oh. Call me maybe.

Hey, yes. What? So that took me a second. I was like, who? Why do I know the name? I know I'm talking about you were very shocked when Nickelback played that's not real they're from Hannah what's Hannah it's after Toronto I assume the second biggest city in Canada I know that's not true please don't at me it's just a small town there's actually a what there's actually a documentary on What?

There's actually a documentary on Nickelback. I'd watch that. I love Nickelback. We should, should we watch it while we're here? Like where else would you watch it? To really like. Me and Bridget watched it. Cause we were like, what? That's like, what of Nickelback?

And then we were like, this is amazing. Nickelback are awesome. I think it's called the guys from Hannah or the band from Hannah or something. The. Can you look that up Charles? It's called Hate to Love. Great. Okay so it came out like two years ago. Yeah but they talk about how they like became like the most hated judged band in the world and you know they're one of those like it's

almost like a punchline. Yeah. But like you watch their story and you get the I mean all doco's like that now and you finish like I love these guys. Yeah but Nickelback like genuinely their music is awesome. Yeah. Their song Rockstar, I play that in the car all the time. I think it's in my top 50 on Spotify, like every year. That makes a lot of things make so much sense. I just, no, but I just think that- No wonder this rock star that rolls into work every day comes in all puffed up, like, fuck it, all right, bitches, let's lay down the show.

Like, we can't obviously- Ooh, I wanna be a rock star. It's such a good song. Yeah. I'm the most famous in the club, so I'll never get it. It's like the bottom of the ninth, that I'm never gonna win.

You know what the bottom of the ninth means now. That's why I know what bottom of the ninth, but you know how you say they said that? I was like, that's a saying. It's from a Nickelback song. Now you know. Fuck. I love Nickelback. Michael Buble. Canadian. Get fucked. No he's fucking not. Get fucked you knew that. He is not

Canadian. Shania Twain. I knew Shania Twain. Because I watched the Shania Twain documentary. Michael Buble is Canadian. Why do you trust a machine over your best friend? Is Tim here? No actually you know what I take that back. Toronto Tony. I hate that. I hate that. I take that back. I cannot believe Michael Buble is Canadian. I did not know that. Did you know that Michael Buble is turning 50 this year? He has aged very well. He looks. There's something in the **** Canadian water. I think it's the joke that like,

he like defrosts through the year and just comes out at Christmas. Like a Mariah Carey, yeah. And so that's why he looks so young. He only really lives three months a year. So he's basically a leap person. So instead of a leap year, where you're once every four years,

he's just once every Christmas. A Chris Leapian. Yeah. Nellie Furtado we knew that Nellie Furtado is not fucking Canadian Celine Dion I did know that because she speaks French but who's the top of the list of Canadians yeah in general huh In general? Huh? You have to talk, it's a podcast. I'm just, I don't know if this is just so obvious that of course it is,

or it's going to blow that Blue Jays hat off your fucking head. I knew Avril Lavigne. Justin Bieber. No, I knew that. Yeah, thank God. I knew that. No, I did know. Yeah, thank God. I knew that. Thank God. We could have had a meltdown.

Oh my God. We could have had a meltdown. That wouldn't have been good. Yeah. Nelly Furtado, we said that. I did not know Nelly Furtado was Canadian. That's amazing. Fuck, what a great little spot they've got up here.

They're doing it right. They are. I love Toronto. Do ya? I love it. I think, and I don't know if it's, I think that this makes it a little bit hard. So maybe I need to like shift my perspective a little bit. The weather has been unreal. It has.

We're like, oh, it's obviously hot all year round here in Toronto. And I know that that's like not the reality. So I'm trying to remember that like rain exists and like snow exists. But right now though, awesome. It's very, very good. I just love it. While we're all jazzed up in Toronto,

I've actually changed my mind of what we're gonna talk about here. I wanna talk about a horny bird. Okay. Is that all right? Yeah. You talk about me all you want. That deserves more. Thanks Charles. I've been reading the Toronto sun. Oh, beautiful, beautiful weather. The paper, not the sun. You're doing your horoscope.

Yeah. A male woodpecker here in Canada has been attacking residents' cars in Rockport because it's mating season and he's all gassed up and he's all horned up but he can't find a match. He needs to get Tinder. What would Tinder be called for a woodpecker? Woody's. Woody. be called for a woodpecker. Woodies. Woodies.

Well, Tinder is actually wood. Because Tinder for a fire. So it would just still be called Tinder. Now, a local, Janelle, was one of the first to realize the bird damaged 25 vehicles in the area. And everyone's like, is there an intruder? Is there young youths fucking around? Well, I'll tell you, I don't want anywhere near my puss.

Yeah. Someone who could destroy a car. Well speaking of things you wouldn't want near your puss, these guys are strong and they're up to 18 inches. Am I reading this right? The only thing that I would want inside me that's 18 inches is a fucking subway. Hahahaha Well, have I gotten used to you. They have subway in Canada. Edsbergs have explained that due to its being mating season the woodpecker saw his reflection in the car mirrors, mustook it for like a rival male so the male just sees another male and goes well not on my turf during mating season mate

and starts like trying to punch on and he's punching on with himself and he's fucked up 25 cars mirrors boys are so stupid this time of year is mating season so birds, not just the woodpeckers, get very aggressive and territorial. Maybe that explains why I'm like real territorial at the moment as well. Yeah, you keep pissing all over the place. Yeah, that's my air. They're seeing the reflections of themselves, don't understand the reflections and starts

punching on with what they think is a competitive bird. The only birds I like in Canada are Blue Jays. It's a great local reference. Yeah. Baseball chat. Have you read this article? Hey it's James from Melbourne and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. Hey this is Will Lu from the Hello and Welcome podcast and Google Pixel just sent me their latest phone, the Google Pixel 9. So I've been using Pixels for a long time, dating back to the Pixel 2, but Google Pixel took up to a whole new level with Gemini. This is your personal AI assistant that's always ready to solve problems.

So if you know me, for example, you know that my life revolves around pickup basketball. So to stay on top of my schedule, I just asked Gemini, Hey Gemini, what time is my next basketball run? Your next basketball run is tomorrow at 9 p.m. Where's the basketball run at? Your basketball run is at Hart House, located at Hart House building. Gemini, your personal AI assistant on Google Pixel 9 just makes things easier. Learn more about Google Pixel 9 at store.google.com.

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Instacart has you covered. Download the Instacart app and enjoy $0 delivery fees on your first three orders. Service fees, exclusions, and terms apply. Instacart, groceries that over-deliver. A massive shout out to a few of our champion tarpas from our Patreon. Thank you very much for being part of it. Hopefully a few of these people watched our live stream that we did on Friday.

If you missed that, you can go back and rewatch it. If you want. No, it was really good. We learned a lot about each other. Yeah. Thank you very much Gemma Hall, Sarah Duft or might be Sarah sorry Ariana Cloutier, Evan Williams, M Evergreen and Ember B Haunted. Well I hope Ember doesn't be haunted. Sorry just before we continue, Sean Mendes, Canadian? Sean Mende... Yep. Sh... Avril Lavigne.

Yep, knew that one. Arcade Fire. Oh my god, they just did SNL two weeks ago. Last week. Joni Mitchell. Oh, Pave Paradise, put up a park in the... Obviously, Alanis Morissette. Leonard Cohen and Neil Young. Alanis Morissette, Leonard Cohen and Neil Young.

Alanis Morissette is Canadian. Are you fucking with me? I did not know that. Is anyone American? I would like to apologize to the Canadian public. I assume everyone's American and you've just got amazing people in your country and fucking salute you.

I love it. I- Tony just nearly stabbed herself in the eye with her own hand as she did that salute. It was so violent and passionate. I love it. I am so proud to be a Canadian right now. And we Canadians are blessed to have you here.

I love it. I'm moving here. Do you here. I love it. I'm moving here. Do you think people would like it? People would love it. Because there's so many dogs. Now there is lots of dogs. It does help the downstairs is a little dog park. So it has swayed the jury a little bit.

So we walk out the front door and Tony goes, oh, all of Canada loves dogs. Well, there is a dog park. So true. I've got a question, actually a location based question. Is that, you know, when you go to another place, like for example, Toronto.

Canada. Canada. Toronto, right? Yeah. And we're staying in like a pretty hip area. Are we? Yeah, we are. Like, you know, but like we're in an Airbnb,

it's really nice. Is it one of those things where it's like, oh, it's nice to holiday here, but like you couldn't afford to live here? Yeah, so if we lived here, we wouldn't be in this building. Do you know what I mean? We would be 20 minutes north on the train. Yeah.

And like, no, I'd live here, in this particular Airbnb. But you're fucking rich, Charles. I'm like, of course you would live here. Charles' trust fund could buy a building, probably the whole building. Your mom and dad probably own this building Charles now. Oh, there's no play center. You know why Charles has loosened up

the last couple of days? Why? Because now we're in Canada, he's allowed to drink again. Why is the drinking age 12? No, did you know it's 19? Really? Isn't that a random age? Yeah.

That's fucked me right off. Yeah. 18 is fucked me right off. Yeah. 18 is what it should be globally, obviously. I know. 20 makes sense purely because it's just like a round number. Yeah. Like if someone goes, I don't know, 20?

Yeah. Just fucking pick one. Well, who's side are you on? I mean, I'm pro Canada. Well, yeah, well I was until then. Yeah, but 19 is just like, blah. Yeah, are we doing it or are we not? I'd actually rather, it was 21.

I'd rather it be 30. I'd rather it was never. We don't have alcohol here, we just have maple syrup. Do you know what? You don't need alcohol in Toronto because it's so fucking fun. True, actually true. You actually don't need it

because it's the best fucking city on earth. Having said that. And I have always said that. Having said that, we drank a fuckton yesterday so maybe we were seeing the town through glazed eyes. Yeah, beer goggles. You have one bourbon and coke at the fucking baseball. You've actually had 17 drinks. Because dare you get a bourbon and coke and they get any fucking coke in the glass by the time they pour the fucking bourbon in I had a little fruit punch and it had a triple shot of vodka in it and I almost fucking

Ran onto the field when they offer you a double that's usually suggesting. Do you want more? But when they offer a double here, it's less because the default is triple. It is just Tony, I understand what I just said, and that's all right. No, I don't. I was just moving on. For your benefit. Now, we did have a plan, well, we didn't.

I was supportive of Tony's plan. There was some thoughts before we went out for lunch pre-baseball and ate our fucking faces off, that wouldn't it be funny if Tony had one hot dog per inning? Well, because I thought that maybe that they would name the stadium after me. I've written down here, because you said this, how many hot dogs do I need to eat at the baseball before they name the stadium after me? Yeah. That's a legitimate question. I would love to know. Because another one would exist.. Sure it would have to exist. Like who's Roger and how many did he...

That's funny. That is... Write that down for a real chance. I was gonna say, can we go who is Roger of Roger Stadium? Is it a brand? Yeah that's why I was like maybe it's a... Because I don't think there's anyone called Marvel in Melbourne a Marvel Stadium thanks Roger refers to Edward S Ted Rogers Jr. I'll save some numbers for the rest of this. And how many did he have? It doesn't say how many he had but he was a prominent Canadian entrepreneur and philanthropist. Well, that sounds like move over, Roger. It's Tony Lodgy. What about Tony Rogers? Tony Rogers, yeah. Yeah, I'm open to that.

Yeah, I'm open to that. I hope that all of Canada is. But how was your experience at the baseball first time? Oh, actually, can I say what someone said when they? That it wasn't quite my first time. Someone asked. Someone asked Tony, have you been to the baseball before? And she goes, yeah, I've seen Ferris Bueller's day off. They go to a baseball game.

That doesn't mean you have. No, but like, so I've seen a baseball game. And they went, okay. Because I kept going, hey, badabada, badabada, so yeah. Yeah, no, I get it. badda badda sadwing. Badda badda badda. Yeah, now I get it. Yeah. But how was it though?

So I have seen that. So, you know, not to say the jury, but I have seen that, which I loved. I had the best time. I, we also like, we weren't sitting right in the sun, which I think really impacted the enjoyment. Do you think there was a moment, maybe as we were arriving to the stadium

where we both realised we might be in the sun and we're all kind of like trying to put on a brave face, but we're all like, this is gonna fucking suck. Well, as we were walking, so we walked to the game, I went to like three different places to try and buy sunscreen. Cause I was like, I'm gonna be in some fucking trouble if I'm sitting in the sun. True story.

So we ended up finding some sunscreen, thank God. And then when we got there, we ended up not being in the sun, like directly in the sun. Like, thank God. I don't think I could have sat there the whole time. I would have got to that seventh inning stretch and thought, no way. You can't see her face, but she's so smug about using a baseball term. It makes me sick.

It actually should make you erect. Don't you think? Hey, two things can be true at once. I think that you should love that. I love stuff. I do. Yeah. Would you consider? So you should have a stalk on for the fact that I said that.

I think on the spectrum of not liking stuff and full blown boner. Yeah. There's an area where I can enjoy it and not be firm. Oh. You know? Like me not having a boner doesn't mean I hate it. You know what I mean?

But it might as well. And don't clip this up. Yeah. Cause this is going to sound like, but I can enjoy things whilst flaccid. Can you? It doesn't sound like the saddest sentence you've ever heard. I can enjoy things whilst flaccid. It's like, do you enjoy that movie? Yeah. But did you have a boner? No. Well sentence you've ever heard. I can enjoy these sloths lasses.

It's like, do you enjoy that movie yet? But did you have a bone up? No? Well, you obviously hated it. You probably just didn't enjoy yourself. Oh, did you not like the pasta? Yeah. I thought that was a beautiful funeral service, didn't you? Turns out the guy in the coffin was the only guy stiff. That's good. That is very funny. That is very funny.

He had a great time. Yeah. Dead as well. I think it was my uncle that used to say, you don't have to be dead to be stiff. Like if you've got a bit of bad luck. You know how you'd say, oh, that's stiff. Like, unlucky. Yeah. Oh, don't have to be dead to be stiff. Jane's mom always says, oh, well, you don't need a long neck to be a goose. I like that.

Yeah, I like that too. I like that. Sorry, Charles, we rudely interrupted you on our own podcast. You go. Yeah. Oh no, but Charles, if you've got something to say, you jump in, whatever you want, mate. He's got a boner.

He's got something to say. Yeah. Would you like to know how many hot dogs it would be to name the stadium for one year? No. Is that a real statistic? There's no way that's a statistic. Tell me how you got to this answer first. Yeah, I need to know the work,

I need to see the work. Yeah, he's asked Urban Dictionary. So I asked you a question. Okay. And it's given me the hot dog economics as it says. Please. So it says, it would be approximately 20 million a year for annual naming rights. it's six dollars a hot dog

So you would need three point three three three point three three three million hot dogs But that's ridiculous because you would have spent the money on the hot dogs What it's saying is it's the same it's the equivalent cash wise right So I probably put the equivalent of that though through that fucking stadium in buying merch. So what does that earn you? No, but you're buying the merch. You don't just spend enough. Like what I'm saying is, is if instead of buying 6, 3.333 million hot dogs, just buy the naming rights to the stadium for a year and then they'll probably give you free hot dogs. See,'s got an NBA. Yeah that's made me stiff. Yeah. I'm

excited by that. I take what I've said, back what I said, I am stiff and now I know when I'm on a winner. Yeah. Well if you're stiff I'm on a winner too. I've got a name mate. Before when you said what do you want to sit on and I don't mean my face. The thing is though is that I did have such a fucking great time with the baseball that I'm so gutted that we don't have baseball in Australia. Yeah. It's made me really sad and we don't have like a summer sport because AFL happens at winter. We cricket. Cricket? And I I know that I'm a long defender of cricket and I enjoy watching on the TV but it's fucking boring. So you think the baseball though? Pump pump pump. Music. People doing their thing. We were right behind the people practicing their pitching at the

Dog out at the open. Yeah, I Think it sounds like you need to go to the Big Bash Tony has bagged up Big Bash cricket for so long and it fucking rules all the things you just described about baseball That's a big bash. Also apparently there's a new rule in baseball where they've got like a clock for the pitcher to throw it. Yeah, it's called pitch timer. Yeah, and they didn't used to have it and that's why games took seven hours and really fucking sucked. Yeah.

But I feel like it was actually pretty quick and pretty fun yesterday. It moved quickly. Yeah. The food was awesome. The music was great. It was hot. The merch store was the biggest store

I've ever seen in my fucking life. Yeah, it was bigger than a H&M. It was like three stores like Azara. Yeah, we cleaned them out. We did, right after you cleaned me out. But so if at the Big Bash, because I have Big Bashed it for a long time. Yeah.

Will the Big Bash-er become a Big Bash-ee? What does it look like to become a Big Bash fan? Because if I'm jumping on a bandwagon I like to do it right. You need to buy the merch and attend or even watch and you watch a little Big Bash because your TV's always on channel seven. Who are we going for? Because obviously I'm a Blue Jays fan for baseball. Yeah. But I do have a Yankees hat as well, which I like. Is that allowed? Oh no, intercontinental. So my American team is the Yankees. My Canadian team is the Blue Jays. It's the same league though, you know that, eh? Yeah, but country-wise, what do you call me? What do you call me? Yeah. Okay, Big Bash. There's two Melbourne teams, but they're not for me.

I'm a Hobart Hurricane man. What does that mean? Hobart? I love Tasmania. Yeah, but I think the greatest club in Big Bash cricket is the Perth Scorches and that's where you're from. Just because you go for Perth. Wait, wait, wait. I'm just seeing what colour they wear. Oh, hang on. Look at me. Don't look at your screen. What colour do you want first? I've just seen that Hobart Hurricanes are purple. Yep.

I think I would love it if the scorches were... I'm going to say two colors, but they're the opposite of each other. Okay. Blue or red. Okay. So red is the Melbourne Renegades and blue is the Adelaide Strikers. Oh.

The Perth scorches are orange and black. Well that's what color I hoped they were. But Perth Scorches is a club they've got the biggest crowds the most passionate fans like they're really successful. Jason Beredorf used to play for them he's a fucking legend. Is there women's Big Bash? Absolutely yeah. Oh fuck yeah. Oh yeah of course there is. Ebony Hoskin, my favourite Big Bash player. You had your own bay at the Women's Cricket, they all play in the Big Bash. Oh really, so it's the same teams that do both? Not the same teams, but the same players.

Yeah, don't ask me to explain that. Right now. No, that's alright. I actually don't need you to, because I'm a big fan of theirs. What's their merch looking like? So I'm actually, I need to make a huge apology worldwide. I'm too... Hang on, but are you going to flip or do you want to test out the waters?

Test. No, I'm not want to go test cricket. I want to go to Big Bash. That's a great pun and I fucking, yep. That's good though. Yep. Yep. I'm stiff. Same. Can this episode be called How Stiff Are You? Yeah I'm open to it. Did it make you stiff? That laptop's not moving. I've had to put the laptop on my lap to hold down my penis. Yeah. Well don't leave that on there for too long or you'll be like the Perth fucking Big Bash team. Scorchin. Because they're on fire. But Don I want the

home ground advantage. Shouldn't I be going for like... A Melbourne team? Yeah. I mean you can go for whoever you want. Maybe I should test it out and see. Yeah. Do you know what actually if anyone knows anybody that plays in the Big Bash tell them that they can message me on Instagram and convince me to go for their team. Let's let me list the valuable things that I bring as a fan. Hang on oh yeah go then I've got something to say as well. Try and win me as a fan to your Big Bash team. Yep. Spend heaps of money in merch. So this is what you get if you get Tony on board.

This is what you get. Yep. I spend heaps of money on merch. Yep. Huge, loud yeller at sport. Yep. Hell good at yelling. Yep.

I'll buy a membership. Yep. I'll buy an annual membership. And I also will share on Instagram every time I'm coming to a game. That's four things. Hawthorn Hawks sucked until Tony jumped on the bandwagon and now they're on a fucking hot streak that's been going for more than 12 months. And literally the turning point was Tony. I'm good luck.

So if you need a fucking rev up, you need to break a curse, whatever it is you need to do. And you fucking comment, message, email, whatever and you try and win me over. Now, so that's what they're getting from you. Yes. What do I get from you? No, no, no. It's more like how can you be won over? Oh, because they've all got, they've all got merch. Yep. They've all got a team. I'm sure they're all great and they're all lovely. Yeah. But like, if it comes down to it, what's going to make you pick one over the other? You know what I mean? Vibes. That's hard. That's a hard brief, but it's true.

But I mean, if a Melbourne team wanted me, obviously there would be a home ground advantage. Yep. That's a huge, now a huge advantage, but Marvel Stadium over MCG. I'd probably rather the MCG. Melbourne stars, look out. There you go. But what if, what if the Perth Scorchers wanted me and they said, we'll fly the three home games a year. I'd say yes to that.

Oh, okay. Business. Yeah, Tony doesn't turn right when she steps onto a plane. And the Perth Scorchers, if they knew what was right, they would understand that. Yeah. Yeah. So Perth Scorchers, if you're listening, I mean, I'm open to negotiations. I tell you what would be funny, if they sign like a, yep, Tony's coming on as an official ambassador.

Yeah. And instead of saying like business class, they're like, and Tony will be flown out three times a year and we can guarantee she'll never turn right. And they organize to come in the door on the other side. Like, oh, I've got you on a technicality. The contract says, we'll only turn left. Well, fucking good luck sweetheart. Or it's only a plane with the like front door. The doors at the back. No, it's with the front door.

And they're like, she legally has to sit in the cockpit. Yeah. We signed a contract that she's not allowed to go the other way. Oh, what's that little seat called? Oh, like the jump seat, like where the flight attendant is. Yeah, and um, cause you can catch me if you can, you know, he like hitches a ride. Yeah.

Isn't that a great movie though? Oh, that's fantastic. Yeah. What's the saying from Christopher Walken? It's actually a great movie about travel, cause they say the, they say a lot in that film, isn't it? They do. What was Christopher Walken's...

Hey, I'm walking here. What was his motivational speech about the little mice? He's the daddy. Yeah. Bit of a dropkick. I don't remember. The mice. Yeah, two mice fall into a...

Pffft. Fall into a... A bucket of... Butter? No, it was milk. Milk? What makes butter? Milk!

Or cream. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And... And then... So what... The first mice, what did he do? He tried so hard to get out. The opposite.

He sunk to the bottom of the bucket. Because he gave up, he gave up. But the other mouse, he makes butter. He tried so hard to get out. And you know what? If any of the Big Bash teams want me to continue doing that, I could. Tony is open to pregame motivational speeches,

as Christopher, but only as Christopher Walken. Oh yeah. Yeah, absolutely. So Tony, imagine I'm about to go out to play. It's a big game today. I'm in the women's big bash. I play for, I play for the- Women can't have anything.

I play for the Melbourne Stars. I'm about to go out and bat yeah rev me up dog you gotta get out there and have a great time I got a cocktail waiting for you at the end and you're gonna win because I'm here that is the good luck. The worst motivational speech I've ever heard in my life. I had to put a heap of energy into the voice. So why should I be inspired to go and play well? Because I've got a cocktail waiting for you.

Oh, sorry. So the sooner I go out batting and get out, the sooner I can get that cocktail. There's a cocktail tomorrow, no matter how long you play for. I don't know any of the rules about cricket. And it shows. Yeah. All right, what do you love to see here?

Amazing. It is, oh, I jotted this down before he started recording. I didn't know we were going to be coming off the back of accent chat. I've got an accent were going to be coming off the back of accent chat I've got an accent based. You'll have to say it as well. Stop it coincidence chat This is the craziest coincidence since I sat on the plane with the Duns now Manique Claire Weston has sent this through and it's a bit of a coincidence shatter. There's so much coincidences happening. That's a lot I've really got some burps in me.

Ryan was nailing his Elvis impersonation in New York. Yeah, fill her up little mama. Yeah. Fill her up little mama. Haaaaa. Hahahaha. After I finished listening to the episode, I jump on Facebook, and this is the first post she sees. Hahahaha.

Looking for an Elvis impersonator who's looking for an NYC one night gig. Well, I am available. I will fly back to NYC on my way home. This is Ryan's pitch, a bit like mine for the cricket teams. Okay, alright, do the motivational speech for me, right? I'm about to go on and play obviously for the Big Bash men's team. Oh I thought I was pitching myself to be that was impressive I want you to give me the motivational speech as Elvis and I'm about to play Big Bash cricket honey

When the going gets tough the tough get gone they get out there and show them what you got Uh-huh When the gold gets tough, the tough get gone. Now get out of there and show them what you got. Uh huh. I hate this. Go hit them up little mama. Yeah. That's very good. I will be contacting that person on Facebook that Monique has sent through

and I'll be applying for the job. It was a one night gig, so I was under residency. But it's actually better to fly and fly out. Fly and fly out, yeah. You make more money that way. Yeah, although it's actually better to fly and fly out. Fly and fly out, yeah. You make more money that way. Yeah, although it promised me that we won't fly out of Newark airport again, because could a plane leave on fucking time at that joint?

That's local chat. Everyone's always saying that. I don't know what's going on in Newark, but fuck me right up. They also gave us fizzy orange juice. We think it might've been off. Orange juice isn't supposed to be, I was like, did we order the right thing?

Yep. Yeah. Oh, so it's just the juice. Tony, what do you love to see? I've got a love to see it here. And I thought that basically because we are in French Canada. We're not, but you know,

the diet coke says GTA on the front, but you know. I saw this and I thought it was really, really fucking funny. And because we love chat GPT, it just, coincidence is all around. And the fact that this is a French based joke is very good. Great. This is a little,

someone posted this, it's called the Muff Report. I'm familiar. Yeah. Life is extra surreal for French speakers right now because in French phonetically, chat GPT sounds exactly like cat I farted. So in French,

chat j'appeteur, everywhere on TV in the news, people are just saying like, God, I love cat I farted. Or I was doing my homework and I used cat eye farted. Hey, would you like to learn some stuff? Pull my finger. Is cat eye farted going to steal your job?

How are schools dealing with cat eye farted? A lawyer is in some hot water because they were caught using cat eye fart. I mean it will get you. Yeah it will, but I thought that was so fucking funny. That is good. That's why we should live here in France, in Canada. Oh, they don't like that. Don't they? No, I don't think so. Okay.

But I love Toronto. I hope we never leave. Spoiler. Spoiler for you. You are leaving real soon. Tomorrow on the show, we've got Confessions. These are talking about you. We didn't really acknowledge it last week

that I fist bumped Snoop Dogg. We didn't. Well, because the day after I don't think we posted the video yet and was like, oh, spoilers. Yeah. But now that I've read the comments from me fist bumping Snoop Dogg. I mean, it wasn't an unreal moment. A what?

It was an unreal moment. Crazy. Like, you, I can't believe that there aren't 7,000 comments about you fist bumping Snoop Dogg. Well, when you see all the comments in that video, I suspected they would all be gassing me up, but apparently they're about someone else. So, we'll get to that tomorrow. Snoop Dogg. Yep. Nah, he doesn't get really mentioned either.

Ah. Nah, there's some other chick in that video. So. Me? Steal my thunder again. We're talking about my favorite topic. Yep. Me.

Chat to you tomorrow. Love you, bye. Yeah, tomorrow on the show, Tony talks about herself. Tony, oh Tony. Little Tony mama, you wanna come back tomorrow, Tony mama? Little Tony mama. Did he die on the toilet or of a ham sandwich? No, on the toilet eating a peanut butter.

Then who was the ham sandwich guy? No, that was Mama Cass. And I think that they don't like it when you say that because that isn't true. Oh, sorry Mama. No, her daughter like went on this big... Don't fill her up, you know what I mean? All right.

Bye. Love you. I'm sorry. Hey, this is Will Lu from the Hello and Welcome podcast and Google Pixel just sent me their latest phone, the Google Pixel 9. So I've been using pixels for a long time dating back to the Pixel 2, but Google Pixel took up to a whole new level with Gemini. This is your personal AI assistant that's always ready to solve problems. So if you know me, for example, you know that my life

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