Toni and Ryan - How To Be Good At Dirty Talk

Episode Date: June 24, 2026

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You know what would make this dinner and this night better? What? If we left right now and I went down on you. That was really hot. Thank you. No, nuts. The only nut I'll be seeing is... I'm Leana from San Diego, California, in the US.

This is Frankie. Hi, I'm Josh. This is Bailey. And this is Watson. We're from southwest Louisiana in the United States. Hi, I'm Daniel from Adelaide. And we approve this podcast. Welcome to...

to the Tony and Ryan podcast. This is Dr. author, best selling Dr. author, Tony Lodge. My name is Ryan. Normal or nah coming up.

Oh, fuck yeah. About first. Ben Yong has sent through something that can really change your day. Sometimes, some days you're feeling pumped up. Yeah.

Other days you might be feeling flat. This is Ben's hack. Oh. He's in an Uber, right? Yeah. And he puts in his AirPods and sort of goes, do you mind if I make a call? And they go,

yeah, no, it's all good. Then he pretends he's talking. be able to do that, I don't think. Then he pretends he's talking to his personal assistant about really big business deals that he's like, obviously not doing. I know they've offered me 40 million, but they need to get serious. As they know, it costs me $100 million to get me involved.

If they're going to keep mucking around, then tell them not to bother. Cool, what's next? The prime minister, tell him I can't get to Canberra, but if he wants me to help with the strategy, he can come into our offices. Yep, sounds great. And then the Uberjohn. Oh, can you imagine overhearing? that you'd be like, who the fuck is it?

But then he goes, then you get this little look in the mirror. And like, because the driver kind of looks up and you're like, yeah, he knows. Big biz, dog. Yeah. And that's his like self little pump up. And he's like, then I feel like a million dollars because I just kind of pretended like I was for a little bit. Do you think that that is like the underwear thing? You know how we're talking about the sloady lingerie?

It's the slutty laundering. It's the fun sunglasses. I know. And you know what? I woke up this morning and went, oh, old glasses. Isn't that sickening? Of all those beautiful choices that you had. I know.

I just feel like nervous to break the seal of them. Because once you crack, you can't go back. Yes. Can you put your imaginary AirPods in and tell me, like pretend I'm driving the Uber? I don't know if I can. I don't know if I can't. You got it.

Hey, mate, I'm so sorry. Do you mind if I just make a quick call? Oh, yeah, of course. Okay, thank you. Hi. Yeah, I see. saw that they emailed again. Well, I just think it's crazy that Beyonce keeps calling when I am saying no.

Who's her manager again? Is it the same manager as Madonna? I don't know why I've got done a music route. It's Lady Gaga or nothing. No, I've got Stephanie on the other line. Let me just quickly talk to Stephanie. Hi, Steph. No, I know.

Beyonce in the group chat. I know, it's disgusting. I know. I know. And Kamala Harris? Crazy! I don't know. Lady Gaga, I'm so sorry.

I'm going to have to call you back because I am. I'm just really struggling in an improv challenge right now. See ya. Yours was amazing with the Prime Minister and the strategy. No, I like yours, though. I also think another angle would be like famous people trying to fuck you. And then I was like, Jason Statham. I'm married.

Like that No see mine's too obvious The people in the world I know Jason state them No I'm sorry The Rock Do you think the people

Call him My problem is that the The name drop Isn't casual enough Like because you were doing the Tell like my assistant The Prime Minister Is not a priority for me

Whereas I went Hi Lady Gaga Like that's not Yeah Well you got Hey, go time to work on that. Yeah. I'll practice.

I'll ask Charles to drive me home today and I'll practice it with him. Lots of people sent in their normal or nars as a thread in our Facebook group or you can submit your stories at tony and Ryan.com. Uh-u. This is from Guy, type of guy. Hi, guy. Putting toilet paper in the toilet bowl before you go to muffle the noise and avoid the kiss of Poseidon. Normal.

normal. I do it a lot. Silences the splash, protects the situation. Why is he here? The comeback is greater than the set back. What does the kiss of Poseidon mean? It's so funny, but I don't understand it. I think, given the context, I've never heard it before either, but I'm thinking that it's when the poo splashes and the water hit your bum.

So it's like a little bit of water like. Because you know when that, but it's like, it's like, if you do a solid poo, are most of yours running? No. Oh. I just always think you've got the runs. No, I'm always running to the toilet. But you know when you do a big turd?

Sorry. What? Nah, I take that completely back. Hey, sorry, do you mind if I just made a quick phone call? Yeah. Yes, I was doing a big turd and I received the kiss of Poseidon. Arsiden. Um, if you, yeah.

the splash of water back on your butt and I feel like sometimes you've already done a little bit of wee and then it's like the wee water Yeah Does that happen to you often? Are you often kissed by Poseidon? I normally put toilet paper down. Oh, you do this?

Yeah, I do do this. This is normal for me, especially like in a public toilet. Yeah, because is it sound or splash back? I know the two are the same thing, but more the splash, especially in a public toilet, it's the splash. Like I wouldn't do it for a wee

because like everybody weighs. Everybody poos as well, but it's the splash because it's like dirty public water. Yeah. You know? Public. Yeah. Tony, I'm fucking bottled from Italy.

That is just not true. Because, you know, in Europe, all the water is mineral water, which you know I don't like. You don't like that. I just want spring water. Flat spring water. You want sparkling water in the toilet. No, it's spring, flat spring water. Like you're about to flush and a guy and tuxedo comes in and goes, still a sparkling.

Yeah. And they just put the soda stream in there. My pissy water. Yuck. Tapa Nolan has a normal owner. Hi Nolan. Is this Nolan Dresden? I assume so.

Having a three... No, it was the chair going like... Sure. That sounded like the kiss of Poseidon from over here. That is a squeaky chair. I've never heard of it squeaking my life. Except for when... Have...

I moved slightly this chair squeat. Charge your ban from breathing or moving. Having a three-tier underwear system and matching your soul. socks to it. What? I have laundry day crappy underwear. I have day to day underwear.

Yeah. And I have night out get laid underwear. There's nothing like in between tears. Like I know. Yeah. Like this, this, this. Three tiers, different socks to match each tier. The socks to match your underwear is crazy to me.

Because like they feel unrelated. I know they're both technically underwear, but I would never think about my underwear and my socks being like a certain tier. I stand by the fact that the best thing that I have done as an adult was remember when I just ordered like 10 pairs of the same knickers. And now I just I just have like, but 10 really good pairs that I wear all the time. Because before it's like, oh, those ones are a little bit uncomfortable. So I don't want to wear those. Or it's washing days.

They're the last ones. But I always end up having to wear them. Just buy more underwear that's comfortable. Just buy more stuff. Well, I think with the socks, like I would like say when I used to have a job and had to look at a certain. way. When I used to have a job. Or like, when I was at picture partners, I'd have like, well, they go with like slacks

and like, because it's like a black business sock. Did you do a fun, you know how the business guys with the fun sock? Could you do that? Maybe. I like it. Yeah. But then like you wouldn't wear that sock with your nights going to the gym. Sure.

Okay. Sure. Yeah. And so I think you kind of have your categories. And I think that's what Nolan's getting at. Right. But do you have different tiers of underwear of like not. like a slatty one necessarily.

No, I think I'm just all the same. They're all the same, yeah. But I am on the lingerie train at the moment. I like the thought of it. Tony came into the office and was like, oh, like, I've been looking at some underwear. And so this ad popped up and my whole algorithms ads, have a look at this. Well, I said to. Wasn't that.

I said to Lily and Danny. Because Pornhab is now banned in Australia, but as long as that website's in business, I think we'll be fine. No, well, I said to Lily and down, like, have you bought underwear from this thing? And I spelled out how you, I was like, I was like, like James Bamboo or something. And I spelled out the thing. And everybody, I wasn't expecting everybody to Google it.

And then, but yeah, it's like, like it's underwear websites. There's obviously people wearing the underwear. Like, Sumi, you know.

I won't. I will not. I will not. Yep, there's underwear. Thanks, Charles. God, you got that up quick,

didn't you? Something else up quick as well. Scroll to the top. A lot of cool butts on there. Yeah, a lot of cool butts. Oh, don't click panties, Charles.

Don't click panties, G string, Charles, you freak. But this is where the photos were. They do look like beautiful underwear, though. I think I'm going to order some. Same. Might keep browsing though for a bit. What the fuck are we talking about?

How about I buy them and then send you pictures of me wearing them? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Thank you guys. Why are we not doing that? That's actually really nice. I really appreciate that. Why are we not doing that?

Let's do that. Why are we not doing that? Let's do that. Type of Becky has no more now. You're right, mate. No. I want to see them picks. No, of me, Charles.

I don't have that shit. Yeah. So Becky does this thing, and this is a crazy thing with children, because they ask all the, why do you do that? Why do you do this? Sure. And usually there's a reason. And then sometimes you realize,

great question, don't know. Oh. Every time I have an apple, I rub it on my shirt to, like, shine it before I eat it. I've done it my entire life and never questioned it until my toddler daughter goes, why do you do that? And I went, I don't know. But Becky says, is it normal to shine your apple before you eat it? Not a euphemism.

Normal or no. I've never done that. So nah for me, do you do that? But if you saw someone do this, you wouldn't blink right, because it kind of feels like a natural thing to do strangely for no fucking reason. I wouldn't. I wouldn't blink if I saw someone do it. but now that you're saying it out loud,

I'm like, what is that? Yeah. And for me, it's like... Is it like a cricket thing? I was going to say, is it a cricket thing?

Because in cricket you like shine the ball. On your pants or your shirt or whatever. And then maybe it's just like, it's carried over. Is it kind of funny? Is it comedy? I don't think so. Did it start as comedy back in the day though?

That like maybe a cricket player, do you know what I reckon maybe happened? Did a cricket player do like a ad for Pink Lady on the TV? And they, And they shined it on their thing and we all started doing it. That would be a great ad. Can you Google shining an apple? Does it do anything?

Or why did we start? Like, did Ricky Ponting do an ad for apples back in the day? I don't know. Do you remember the Australian fast bowler? A shiny. No, that's why they're shiny. Rubbing, type in rubbing apple on shirt. Oh, it auto filled.

Oh, polishes it. But, but, oh, wait, can you go on that Reddit thread when you eat an apple? No, the next one down. Go back. When you eat an apple, do you rub it on your shirt? To clean it. Like, they think they're, they think they're cleaning the apple. Oh, I mean, I would rinse it, but I wouldn't.

Would you rinse an apple? There have been studies that have shown that the friction from rubbing a paper towel on an apple does remove bacteria. I would give it a quick rinse, yeah, but only probably because like rinsing fruit feels like the right thing to do. just seen the word rub it vigorously on Reddit and I'm like imagine talking about apples you know on Reddit as well if you just saw rub it vigorously and the word Reddit you go well I wonder where they've stumbled into it I know I know where we're going here yeah what's the last thing you rubbed vigorously on Reddit on Reddit or off what is the last thing I rubbed vigorously tell me safe space Charles your goal next oh both of you have the same answer me

We did rub you vigorously. It's in the Tony's Hens party vlog. Excuse me? You got the shivers and you said, boys, warm me. And then we both took a leg each and rubbed you vigorously. You did rub me vigorously. And thank you. I'll never forget it.

And thank you to whoever was filming at the time, capture me, because they filmed it through my legs as I was doing the rubbing. So you could see me rubbing it hard, the front of you and my sphincter. the same shot. There. I just put it on the ground.

The camera. Oh my God. I thought that was my face, but it's my face on your shirt. Go back a little bit, Charles. That is so freaky. It's like my face is between my legs.

I'm wearing a shirt with your face. That is so funny. Good shot of me. That's what I normally see. That's what I normally see tone. Me between your legs. No, your two legs and.

God, I just want to suck your balls into my mouth. Is that how you dirty talk? I actually don't know how to dirty talk. I can't do it. No, I really can't do it. I read a vlog about sucking dicks yesterday. Let me teach everything I know.

Yeah, tell me. No, but teaching me how to suck a dig is not talking dirty. I just think I get too, I get really, this is hard to believe, but I just get really shy. I can't do it. The best skill about sucking dick isn't about the sucking in the dick. It's about the confidence and looking like you want to suck the dick. Oh, and I can do that. Yeah.

But the dirty talk. I can't do. No, so, and then it's like a part of wanting to suck the dick is saying like when you're at dinner or you're somewhere and you just go, hey, do you want to just like, I'd rather be sucking your dick right now. So I want you, let's pretend we're having dinner at a wedding. Who's? We're at a wedding and then you just go, hey, you know what I'd rather be doing.

And it's not as a joke. You're like, that's what I want. And I'm Matt O'Kine. No, no. Okay. You know. Nice steak. Steak at a wedding.

Who did you go to fucking Kim Kardashian's wedding? I'm sorry, I've got the beef or the fish. Oh, potato. I tell you what I'd rather be doing right now. See, I tell you what I'd rather be doing right now. Why? Is everything all right? I can't do it.

Sarka-ta. Tell you what I'd rather have in my mouth right now. What? You. Yeah, until that last face. Was that fine? No, because your face went, I think. Yeah, it's the confidence.

And I just feel too shy. I just feel too shy. It's the confidence. You do it to me. Confidence is sexy. You do it to me. Oh, that's absolutely beautiful. Yes, no, no red wine for me.

Thank you. Do you have any still water or a diet Coke? I know you don't have any diet coat. The steel water's fine. Thank you so much. Thank you. Yeah, no, the podcast. Yeah.

St. You can't do it. You can't get a word in. I'm too busy. Hey, um. No, the um, you can't do an arm. Sorry. You know what would make this dinner and this night better?

What? If we left right now and I went down on you. My name's Matt O'Keyn. That was really hot. Thank you. Charles, can you do it? What did you say to the girls on the boat in Croatia, Charles? Now, Charles go.

You know what would make this night sexier? If we're in Stockholm and we went to the bathroom and fucked. We saw that. We did say that happen. And that's a fun call back to a different time. The delivery. You could be more confident because what you were saying was great. What yours was perfect.

No notes. Thank you. The only note I'll be seeing is, oh. Okay. Bye. I'm Daniel from Adelaide. Hi, I'm Josh. This is Bailey and this is Watson.

Hi. This is Leanna and Frankie from San Diego and you are listening to Tony Ryan. Welcome back. Tony will read out some champion tapper shoutouts after she just collects her thoughts on herself and... I came up out of love. I can't... I'm ready to go.

Okay. Tony's rattled everyone. A big thank you to a few of our champion tippers. Ingrid Barguard. Thank you, Ingrid. Love to say it. Megan Shrum. I'm going to shrum myself off after this.

Tristan Snyder. Good only Tristan. Joe Prydmore. Thanks, Joe. Brianna Padilla, thank you, Brianna. Teal, James or Yarnes, maybe, Teal, thank you very much. Lynn Sanchez, our girl, Lynn. Tabitha Bertelsen, thanks, Tabitha.

Thanks, Tabitha. Thanks, Bertels. You haven't called me Tabithor in ages. Kevin Carney, good on you, Kevin. And Laura Garnett. Thank you very much for being part of our patron. LJ. I love to say it.

I'm so sorry. You've really actually rattled me. And I need some advice because this morning, as I was popping my things in the boot of my car and about to leave. My neighbour was like in their front yard. Yeah. How is Michael Jordan? Yeah, Michael Jordan is fantastic.

So that house though that Michael Jordan moved into. It is like they are so cool. I actually get along with them. Oh, is this the one you're sort of friends with? Yeah, kind of friends with them. And like when we went to Europe, I messaged her, Lily. And I was like, hey, like, do you mind me even now? Like, my sister's going to come and do the beans and stuff.

but like, do you mind kind of kept near out? She was like, absolutely. Funnily enough, her and her partner, Alex, um, they, they're both great. Anyway, as I'm walking out this morning. How'd you say that? They're both great. Oh, they're, but I don't know Alex very well.

Yeah, I have only met her once. Okay. Um, but Lily, I've spoken to a few times and we've texted and stuff. Anyway, I'm walking out to the car this morning. They're in the front yard. And they go, oh, hey, just letting you know that, um, night, we're having a party. Sick.

Friday night house party. Love it. And I was like, oh, awesome. Like, what's the occasion? Like, for anything in particular? And Alex goes, oh, it's not a big one, but it is my birthday. Like, so I think that they're just setting up like, oh, it's not like a 30th or a 40th or anything.

But just like, good excuse to have a party. They've lived there for like six months. So probably a bit of a housewarming kind of thing. Yep. And they go, oh, we, we've put like a letter in a few of the letter boxes, like on the street just to let you know. She goes, I know you've got my number and stuff like, like, like. Oh, so they might like turn it up.

Well, she's like, if you need us to like keep it down or whatever, like let us know. And I was like, oh, you're so fine. Like, it's all good. And she goes, or if you guys wanted to pop around like you're more than welcome. Now, wow. Was that a pity invite? Yeah. Am I really invited?

Well, you are because she asked and we don't do empty offers on this show. We don't do empty offers. No, that's so true. And, well, here's the thing. If you, like, go, they can't be like, what are they doing here? Totally, because you've invited me over. Yeah. So I think, and are you wanting to take this relationship to the next level?

Well, I put it in my calendar. Oh, my God. I was like, oh, yeah, Lily and Alex's party, like tomorrow night, Friday night. Yep, sweet. In your calendar? Poppy in my calendar, yeah. This is why I don't need the reminder texts to put everything in my calendar. Oh, no, Alex will text to confirm.

Are you going to go? Well, What are their friends like? Well, I don't know, but they're really cool. Oh, that's not your area. They're cool in like a north sideway. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

They're pretty cool. Charles, can you get the fuck off me? He's just taking a screenshot of my calendar. I tell you what you can't do. You can't be like, sorry we've got something on and then just sit at home and watch TV because they're like, well, I can't know. Yeah. They're going to know. They're going to know.

They're not going to know. They're not going to know. Nobody's going to know. They're going to know. Do you think it was a pity? First of all, first of all, yes, it was. Do you reckon because, okay, this is what I also think, can I offer another perspective? Please.

If I liked a neighbour and was like, how do we bridge the like, but going from neighbours to like, maybe let's have a drink? Because they have said, because they've said, like, oh, we should have a drink sometime or something. And I was like, I'd love that. And then I'd be. I've been traveling heaps. I haven't really been home. Are you going from first base to home base too quick? Well, but if I was having a party or something,

is that not a great reason to just be like, and swing past if you want, because I go, I want to bridge that gap. Yeah, and there's a buffer. There's people here. We're hanging out. Does it feel more low-key? So, there's two ways of looking at this.

Yep. One is that they wanted to let me know about the party and to make me not feel bad they went and you can come if you want similar to me with christmas in july or fuck you or they're having a party just so they had an excuse to invite me over so you're thinking it's a genuine option that they created this ruse they actually everyone else is an actor acting um but like they've paid all these extras to come and pretend to be their friends as an excuse to get you over maybe they've made flyers to put in the neighbours letter boxes.

So, because then they put a text right in the group chart, like, because we've got like a street group chart. Crazy. It's actually really good because when things like this come up. Yeah. It's really handy. But, hey everyone. Just a reminder, I'm having that party.

We won't be too. Like after 11, we'll turn the music down. That's when we'll send Tony home. She's invited. We're friends. Well. You're all not invited. On the group text.

Yeah. It didn't say swing past. if you want. Well, you can't be throwing that out, Willie, nearly to a group. No, but there's only, you know, like it's our life section of our street. But no one else has been invited

as far as I'm aware. So what do you reckon? Because I don't... You know the first question that Tony asked when Bridget said she was pregnant? She was like, who have you told first? No, that's like, because everything is a ranking.

No. Because you're like, well, I'm in the ranking of pity offer. No, no, no, no. Made across the street. No offer for the same. No, no, no, no, no. I'm not saying it like that. I'm saying that if they were just doing it to be like, oh, and by the way, where, like,

if you want to come around, they would have said that in the- special invite for you. No, but I'm not saying it in a ranking way. I'm saying it like, oh, does that mean that they actually, because I want to go. I think I really like them. Yeah. And how fun. Being friends with your neighbors is like so nice.

Until you hook up with them and you still live next door. Be careful with that. Well, that's just you. Be careful with that. Just be careful with that. That's just you doing that. I've heard you don't hate them. I heard I hate them.

They're hook up a ball with. Hook up a ball. They don't want to hook up a ball with me. They're both hot and cool. They're inviting you over on a Friday night. But with all their friends. Yeah. He's in the bowl, sweetheart.

Question, if you need to do a pool at a party and it's next door, do you go home? I just go home. Yeah. Yeah. Like, then you wash your hands and go back. Yeah. Or if I wanted another drink, I'd probably go home and get one from my house. Yeah.

That's like when you're camping and you're like. Or if I'm hungry, I just go home and pop up some popcorn. Yeah, I said to grab something. You know? Yeah. Oh, that's the good thing about a close by a party.

Well, also because like, if you kind of go for 20 minutes and you say, hey and whatever, and then you want to head off, like,

it's just there. Yeah. So what are you going to do? Well, I don't know. I think I want to go. And again, like you said,

no empty offers. I think it's a nice thing to do. Like, not nice thing as in like, I'll grace them with my presence. But like, I think it's a nice connection. Yeah.

Do you think going from, I know you said, It's a good icebreaker and I do agree, but it feels like, like you're a part of the friendship group. You've gone from friendly neighbor. Is it too close? Too much too soon. Well, it's like maybe a Friday afternoon cheese and bickie is like a gateway.

Then it's like, oh, by the way, I'm having a party in a few weeks. You could come meet the gang. Oh, so am I going right in the deep end? Yeah. And so like, that's where you shine. Do you reckon in the deep end? I do have my bronze. Yeah, I'm familiar.

Yeah, you'll go in there, you'll drop some zingers, you'll make some jokes, everyone will laugh, and then you can fuck off, like take the out, you know? Yeah, I am good at that. Yeah. I just, I wanted to vibe it because I was like, oh, does it feel like too much to go? But I think it's nice. Did they mention the noise before they mentioned the invite? Yes.

It's a pity invite, but we don't do empty offers. And they like you anyway. So it doesn't matter if it's a pity invite. I think so. Yeah. Like if you pity bang torbs back in the day, that's not like, and then you're going to get married. Like, who cares how it started? I guess.

Yeah. Like, you can't be living in the past. So true. Yeah. Living in the present. And the present is house parties in your street. Should I go? Take a box of favourites?

I think it's fun. Well, I was thinking, yeah, like, do I take something? I was thinking should I take, like, a bottle of wine feels too, like, snotty? And I don't drink wine anyway. It turns on what the wine is, though. But what if I'm a fun fancy bottle? Do you want to know the fun thing to do? Tell me.

Say it on three. Three, two, one. Cocktails. I would do it. I have done a bucket of shots probably 100 times in my life. And I was told once I got to 30, I needed to rain it in. Yeah, okay. Because I was getting too festive.

Because I could make like a picture of martini. How old are they? How old? My neighbours. Like similar to you? Yeah, like early 30s. Yeah. Mid 30s maybe.

The picture of, what did you? Like a picture of martini or a picture of margarita or something. A picture of martini, which you fucking hammered. Because imagine. But the thing about a cock. Because you just need like an inch in a glass. Cocktails, yes. And it's real festive.

But the hack is make it over there. So you pour, because I've got a punch bowl. But like it's a real activity. And then you get one of them. Here's the trick. You get one of them to help. And not one of,

not Alex or Lily. A friend. One of their friends. Go, hey nice to me. Hey, do you want to help me with the strawberries? I'm going to whip up a, um, a little Pims jug for the crew. And everyone go, fuck yeah, this bitch is cool.

You sound like a delight to have it a party. I am. I am a delight to have it a party. Do you want to come? Yeah. Do you want to come? That feels like a pity invite. No, no, because it sounds like you're going to be really good at breaking the ice.

Do you want to come? This is my specialty. I'm great at parties. I'm great at mixing drinks. It brings people together because then they go, I like this. And I go, that's what they are over there like. You guys have that in common. Matchmaker.

Yeah. matchmaker. Yeah. That's what I do. And I'll do it for you. Do you want to come? This Friday night? Yeah.

You're such a . Jenna come? No empty accepting. Let me just check on the Hawks are playing. No, but watch the Hawks at the game. At the party. It doesn't sound like that kind of party. No, it doesn't.

It doesn't. I think it's going to be really fun and I think I'm going to go. I think you should go. Um, because I... The Hawks are playing Friday night. Natsleigh. That's okay. I can handle it on my own.

Or Torbs got? Torbs will go. Torbs will go. My other husband. Look me in the eye. Yep. I'm going to go to the party. And I'm going to bring a fun cocktail of something.

Or the stuff to, and I bring. Stuff to make it. Yeah. I can't emphasize enough. Is it too much to bring my own punch bowl and be like, thought I'd make this up or just a jug or something? something. No, but again, a part of the like getting to know and stuff is like, have you got a

like. Yeah. No. If someone rocks up to your house and goes, can I have a bowl? I'm going to make punch. No one's going to go, oh, what a hassle. Everyone's going to go, fuck. Hell yeah.

Yeah. That draw. Let's go find one together. Yeah. How much do you want? And they go, how much do you want? And you go, I like that. Yeah.

Do you know what else is fun though? If I take a punch bowl and say it doesn't all get drunk while I'm there, I go. I'll just come pick it up tomorrow. I'll just leave it here with a ladle and some cups. And you guys do you and I'll see you tomorrow. And I'll just come. Oh, I'll come grab it tomorrow.

I'm going to tell you something that I actually got too confident at one stage in other people's kitchens. Is it when you've set fire to my frying pants? No, but that fits what I said. Because I'm not too confident in someone else's kitchen. We were looking for a punch bowl and I rocked up and I was like, you know when you get those frozen berries to make smoothies. Yeah. I was like, I'm going to get a pink champagne, frozen berries.

Yeah. And make like a berry cool fun thing. And I said, I rocked up to the party and I go, oh, I'm going to do this. Who's in? And literally everyone just went, fuck yeah. And I'm like, oh shit. Like I'm going to need to make 25. And I'm like, so I was usually five or six people, you know.

Yeah. And I went, okay, I think I got enough stuff. I can figure that out. What was the situation? Who's party? Like, what was it for? It was a house party in Mildura? So was it all people you knew?

No. No, but I knew some of them. And they all knew, like, someone knew someone. Yep, yep. And so I was like, fuck,

how am I going to find a bowl big enough to mix 25? How did you have enough champagne and stuff? Oh, we figured that out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Especially Mildura, you're only ever 90 seconds from anywhere you need to be.

Hilarious. So everyone wants one. Actually, yeah, maybe it was like, we might need a couple extra bowls, but I've got this down pat. Yeah. I go into the fridge because I'm like,

There's no bowl big enough. Yeah. And so what I did is I got all of their stuff out of the CRISPR, and I made it in the CRISPR. Because it's like, I don't need to put the bowl in the fridge. That's where it starts. So for the rest of the night, all anyone needs to do is walking to the fridge, pull out the CRISPR and just like dunk it.

That was a fucking baller move and everyone loved it except whose house it was. They fucking hated it. That is a crazy thing to do. But I'm on. board. Yeah. I love that. Do it at their house.

That's crazy. I've go on Thursday night tonight. Scope the situation. Just go, what do you got in your crisper? Yeah. And they go, oh, this is I reckon chuck that up in the shelf and you have that tonight. Yeah. Keep that crisp empty.

Yeah, but that old cucumber, I'll use that. Yeah. Pim's in a crisper tonight, tomorrow night. That is, that is crazy. Everyone go on Tony's stories Saturday morning to see the photos of a Pims bowl in a crisper in a stranger's house. or something to that level. No, that or nothing.

It's not going to be that exactly. Precisely that. No, because I'll take my own bowl. Do they not have a crisper? They don't have a fridge. So what's the ice situation? What's going on over there? Yeah, no.

We went to a servo and got a crushed ice and poured that into the thing. Like a big thing. That's good. In the crisper. That's good. I like that. Yeah. Doing it in the crisper, I think, is fun.

Yeah, it is. It's real sharehouse energy. It really was. Yeah. It really set the tone for good night. Did you give the crisper a wipe out beforehand? No. No.

So it's just got a little bit of mouldy zucchini in it or something. Yeah, but the amount of drink we were making, it just mixes in. Yeah. Yeah. And alcohol is what dilutes the... It burns it off the bacteria. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because what would you put on a wound?

Yeah, alcohol. Yeah. The pink champagne. Yeah. Whenever I fall over, I always just grab some pink champagne. I am so excited to see how this plays out. Thank you so much. Yeah.

I just wanted to see how you guys thought about it. Yeah. I reckon... I think I'm on here with for friends. I reckon you could probably stay the night. I'm not staying the night. But imagine how crazy to wake up on their couch. Then you like bros for life.

That is bros for life energy. Yeah. And they wake up and you go, tone, you go fuck dude. And I've got one of their tops on and like, the thought of walking 13 metres down your driveway. Was too crazy.

Yeah. What am I going to do? Leave that crisper half full of fucking Pims. Wouldn't have thought so. P.S. who wants that for breakfast? Yeah. you're going to turn one on

you know what would be a ball move go live on Patreon at midnight imagine if I go right and then like I go home because I want to sleep in my own bed of course but then like the next morning what if I ordered some like

bacon and egg McMuffins and sent some over to them and went like oh you girls are going to need that this morning you know how I said I'm great at the party yeah New Year's Eve 2015 hang on

there's a party hang on Hang on. 2015 going into 2016 or 2014 going into 2015? 18, 19, 16, 17. Carver 3. Going into 2016. Yep.

Want a party on Ligon Street in East Brunswick. Cool. It is 545. A.N. Yep. Yeah. So it's already 2016. Yep.

Yep. I, on the phone, called McDonald's on the corner of... That big. One. Yeah, I'm in the corner there. Yeah, yeah. Guys, like you technically open, they go,

nah, at six, like in 15 minutes. And I was like, I'll start walking. I walked in there. And the first thing I did in the year 2016 was buy 50 hash browns and carry them back to the party. Because everyone was still going and I was like, if I've been drinking all night, you know what I'd love? Yeah.

Hash brown. So then I went. If I'd been up all night, you know what I'd love. Some fucking sleep. Yeah. Put me to bed. So Rach and I walked from the party down Ligon Street. That's amazing.

And I walked in and I was like, Gday mate, 50 hash browns. And I'm like, I said 50 hash brown. They put him in a bag, walked back to the party and just was like slinging them. I made it rain hash browns to open 2016.

That's a real baller move. And that's what I see for you Saturday morning. I tell you another baller move. Yeah. He's going to bed at 6pm, waking up at 2. So it's actually early the next day for you. This is on the breakfast radio days.

Yep. So everyone goes, fuck Tony was here till four she was carving it up and yeah but I only got here too. I didn't get there till midnight yeah but you get all the credit yeah that's true and I'm like I'm everyone's second win because like I mean I'm like yeah fresh energy Tony rolled up and filled the crisper up with fucking pins when did that happen you're gonna have the best weekend dude I'm really excited yeah okay no I'm so glad that we went through this because I'm really excited about that um I got you love to see it here from josie macae hi Josie um my dad and his judo

partner, not a euphemism. They're both in their 50s from Tasmania and they've just qualified for their fourth world championships. So it must be the over whatever's or the masters or whatever. And they're doing their and she goes, I'm just so proud of my dad. He's out there 50 years slaying. So Josie and Josie's dad, you love to fucking see it. Good on you.

That is so fucking sick. Yeah. That is awesome. I love to say that. K-A-T-A, which is like their... Carter. Like, is that, I guess, like a chapter or a style of judo or something like. Yeah.

Because your Carter, I think, is the combo. Right, yeah. Like of what you, like the order you do things. Yeah, okay. Because I went to youth group. Kick-arm. Yes. I went to youth group.

It's a different time of my life. With a girl who did judo and she was talking about her card. I'm pretty sure it's like the combination. Well, they're in the world champs. So over 50. you so well done that's fucking awesome get around it

similar athletic you love to see it the other day I saw this guy he was standing in front of me in a line was it a line for a crisper he wasn't

but that's what my you love to see it will be next week I was standing in a line and he had an empty coffee cup well it was almost empty he takes a big swig puts in his hand and he sees a bin and he

throws it out the line out of the line stop it goes in the bin and he went, and I thought in my head, I said, that's where most of the thoughts happened.

Fuck, that was a good shot. Yeah. Came out of my mouth. Fuck, that was a good shot. I fuck you not. He's in front of me like this. Yeah. And I go, fuck, that was a good shot.

And he goes, Oh, and turns back around. Turns back around. What a fuck. Fucking baller. Luckily, I've got an IUD. Oh, my God. Because in nine months a baby

would have thrown a coffee cup out of your vagina into a bin. Yeah. The craziest and just the little look over the shoulder. And it was just the swig, the throw, went in, it didn't even touch the rim.

But like straight in the bin and I just went, fuck, that was a good job. Like, loudly. I was so impressed. No shit. I was like, fuck that was a good

like it was the fuck it was a good shot I tell you what's baller when it works is when it's a stranger situation like that and you just go and get a fist bump

yes and that is what that moment felt like yeah because he deserved every ounce of respect for that yeah

but there's something cool about like we didn't even need to talk about it it was just a quick moment yeah but being like

fuck that was a good shot and just the imagine it was very cool I should do that at the party tomorrow night. Just throw stuff around. I'm trying to think of any way that

that could have been even better. And this is... All right, I'll, let's read. I'll be the guy. Okay. Because he just needs to add two words and then you're fucking anyone. Okay. Well, I mean, it's all. I'm already there, but yes. Fuck, that was a good shot. Or, cheers, darling.

Cheers, darling. Thanks, darling. Yeah. Thanks, darling. Yeah. Yeah, cheers, darling. That would have really done me. but it was the coolest thing I've ever seen.

Respect. Like, vibes out the ass. So cool. I love that. I love that for him. I love that for you. I love that for society. I can't believe I saw it.

Yeah, sometimes, like when people were watching the Knicks a few weeks ago and it was like, I'll never forget where I was when this happened. Oh my God. Yeah. Moments in time, moments in history.

Yeah. Oh my God. I'll tell your future grandchildren about that. Same. I'll tell my future grandchildren about The CRISPA. And you should, because that's a very cool party move. Maybe my you love to sit should actually be you at a party.

I've never seen it in real life. That's very good. You have seen it in real life. I've never been in a party with you. Remember when I brought those special shots to Jane McKinlay's out? I have seen me at a party. You are good at a party. Thank you.

I was real good that night and I rocked up. Hey, I was pretty good to you as well. You were really good to me. I'm pretty good to you at that party too. Really good. Yeah. really good to put that buddy. Oh, yeah, you're really good.

Yeah. She did. Hand job in the bathroom. Um, all right. You were a bunch of strangers to me before that night. Yeah, but you came in with a job. That's the thing. Ryan came in, right?

No, but you can't mention that extra bit. No, but Ryan came in with a bunch of like little mason jars and they looked like urine samples. Like he'd made these like little shots or like these little drinks and they look like urine samples. It was getting towards the end of the Jason P. P.J. show and it was resting deep. piss. Yeah. And that's what we said on the show. And so anyway, it was amazing. And

you came in on the train. It was like all of these little urine samples. That was amazing. I am good at a party. And don't tell me you haven't parted with you. But I haven't made it like a house party with you except for that one. And you're right. That was good. It was good. See you tomorrow night. Yeah. You should come. I'll turn up at 1 a.m. After the Hawks are done. Yeah. Yeah. I'll rock up with the crisper. Yeah. Got any registables, girls. I'll rock up with Jack Yenavon. I'll go to the Hawks game and go Jack.

Come with me. Yeah, I don't know that the party is the demographic of caring about AFL, but you're welcome to. No, but that's why it's cool. Yeah, okay. Because he's like off duty. He's not meeting fans. He's just like hanging.

He's just hanging out. Yeah. Yeah, I just drop three on a Friday night. Got 30 touches. All good. And you would, wouldn't you? Yeah. Yeah.

And he would. Yeah. All right, I'll let you guys know how the party goes. If there's ever been a better reason to tune in next Monday, watch this motherfucking space. Imagine if you don't go. No, well, now I have to go to the show on Monday. How was the party?

Oh, it was loud. I heard it from next door. I was just having some nuggets from Red Rooster, watching some old episodes of the office. And yeah, it sounded like they had a good time. And I texted them at 9.30 to say, keep it down. And I said, yeah, keep it down, your kids. Piper's trying to sleep.

Pippa's asleep. Will she go? Pippa? Nah. Mum's not out. Get a babysit up. Mum, he's on the prow. Love you.

Bye.