Toni and Ryan - How To Get Away With Any Crime

Episode Date: August 30, 2026

Sex on a work trip - Bookweek - Lieutenant Lodge - love ya!!!!!AUS LIVE SHOWS - https://toniandryan.com/pages/liveToni's YLTSI - https://tarpsaidwhat.com/catch-up/Tell us what you reckon in the episode thread in our FACEBOOK GROUPWatch and subscribe on YOUTUBECheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan and get in the group chat with us!!!Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I thought I was going out there to stop a crime. And I go, oh, excuse me, like, can you please stop going through our bin? And they just go, Why haven't all other criminals thought of this? Hi, this is Tina from Cerman, California. Hi, I'm Yame from South Wales, UK. Hi, I'm Jess from Melbourne. And I approve this podcast.

Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Dr. Bestselling Dr. Author, Tony Lodge. Some like that. And tomorrow at Midday Australia. time. Tickets are on sale for our... Midday Australia time.

No. Midday A-E-S-T. Australian extended. Australia time in our city. Well, Australia time is like nine different times on in this country. It's like if you said, oh, America time. Yeah. I don't like that.

They don't like that. They don't like that. My wife Bridgett's decided she's going to come to the Hobart show and she's going to come for the weekend with us. And then Tony just said before, wouldn't you guys rather have like a sexy weekend just the two of you. That's not what I said. What did you say? Would you, why don't you get like your own place so that you can have, yeah, sex, not would you, but like, not like I'm kicking you out, but oh, is that like a fun excuse to. I have got my own place in Hobart. It's called

our room of the Airbnb that I'm sharing with you guys. Yeah, okay. You had sex above me in a hotel in Italy. No, I did not. You did fucking so. No, I didn't. No, I, like, I swear to you, we did not. Then where was it? No, we didn't have sex that whole trip because we were all staying together. Oh, I thought you implied that that was on. No, no. Oh, I got to call Bridget back. What?

Maybe we do need a place. Well, like, no, I'm not even fucking, yeah. We didn't because I was like, no, it's like we're in a shared place. And then that hotel in Italy where we all were together, I was just like, oh, that'll be good. But then you were below me, Charles was above. And I was like, well, obviously not. What, you'd bump both of us on the way? D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D.

Yeah, no, like, swear down. I was like, that's too weird. I'm going to have to call Bridge. Is it, where does everyone stand? Let us know in the comments about doing the hippity-dipity in an Airbnb specifically. Because in Hobart, we're in an Airbnb. I think I would like to add one more thing. Yeah.

Not just an Airbnb. Like, because if you're on a group trip with your friends, that's all so different. What do you mean? Well, we're on a work trip. Like, you're in the house with your employees. Surely we're passing. that. Surely we're past that.

No, I know that we're all close, but it's still, I don't want to hear if I had a boss, I wouldn't want to hear them fucking their wife. That's so weird. Do you know what I mean? Like, that's super strange. Yeah, but when, so when I woke up in Latvia, there was some fucking rumblings going on next door. And I assumed it was the Finnish doctor that Charles brought home.

And I don't think it was because Charles was beyond mad. Yeah. Charles threw up. Yeah. Yeah. But when I heard that, I was like, good on him and then just rolled back over and kept sleeping. It wasn't like, how dare you?

Yeah. I think it's inappropriate. Should I call Bridge now? No, I don't want to be part of that. Because she'll go, no, you know what she's going to say? She'll be like, it's not a problem. Do you reckon that's what she'll say? That's what I would say.

Do we want to place our bets and call her? It's up to you. I think she'll be embarrassed. Same. But I think Tony might be correct. Oh, wouldn't be the first time. Yeah. I bet she wrote an answer.

I think Charles, you might have won. Did you text her and say, don't answer? No voicemail. Oh, that's a straight hang up. Oh, God. So I've dropped Mabel off at daycare this morning. Mm-hmm. I've left for work.

Yep. It's Bridget time. And we don't interrupt that. You're the one that just tried to drop. No, Tony, we don't do that. Okay. All right. So get your tickets to Hobart.

Put the hoe in Hobart. Yeah. Well, Bridget actually said it'd be nice for us all to go out to dinner together. No, and Hobart is the best place on it. Like, it really is the best. Is this yours and Bridgett's first time away from Mabes? We've done lots of nice. But first like, travel.

Being in a separate body of water, like we're over a body of water. Yes. Yeah. It will be there. That's really exciting. It is really exciting. I love Bridge. She's not available for the Melbourne show though.

Oh, is she not? She's like, no, no, it's all right. I'll say it in Hobart, I guess. Cool. Yeah, don't worry about it. All the shows aren't the same, but it's fine. Yeah, they're all actually different. Oh, oh, hang on.

Hello, your husband speaking. Hello, are you okay? Yeah, yeah, we're on the, you're on the podcast. Hi, Bridge, sorry. Oh, hi, everyone. Hi, Tony. Um, I've got some very bad news. Not.

What's happened? No, there's no bad news. I let everyone know that you're coming to the Hobart show. I'm going to stay for the weekend. Oh, is there no room for me? No, of course that you can, hey, you can sleep in my bed. Oh, but did they don't want me to come? No.

Oh, no. I do want you to come. This is the whole thing. I said, Bridge, oh, would you guys like to go and get, like, have a sexy weekend and, like, stay, you know, somewhere nice by yourselves, like, don't let us cramp your style. And Ryan said, no, I'm going to fuck my wife in the workhouse. I did not say that.

He did. I didn't say that. They just said it's, like, weird that your husband. No. It's weird that your boss is. bringing his trophy wife to a work accommodation. No. Bridgett.

I know that you trust me. Yeah, but now it is a bit weird. No, no, no. No, you being there. We don't have our own bedroom. Hang on. No, you being there. I mean, I think it's weird you guys get a whole house.

Your, Bridget has always said she goes, it's weird that you all stay in a house together. Um, I don't think it's weird that you would stay with us at all. I was like, oh, if you would want to do like a slutty weekend, you should get a place. Um, you're obviously more than welcome to stay with us.

Absolutely. I just thought maybe you would want it, if it's your first weekend away from Mabel and stuff like that. And Ryan said, that's okay, we can do what we would do somewhere else with you guys. And I was like, well, okay. Well, that really just shows me that Ryan is just going to be working.

And I'm just going to be like taking along. No, you're our number one priority. I don't want to be part of this anymore. more. Oh shit. He's cutting out. Shit. All right. Love you. Yep. So we all agree. So she sounds really excited to come. Just go. I would like to send out a shout out to the parents of Australia. And I think maybe the world. Not the world. I don't think. Last week was book week. Is that a global thing? It is, but it doesn't happen. At the same time. I don't even think W.A. is at the same time.

I don't think so. What throws me is Father's Day is a different time. Worldwide. Yeah. To us. I think ours is the same as the UK, but the American one's different, maybe. I think it might be Father's Day this weekend. Because Mabel came home and was like, hey, Dad, I'm making you a hat, but I'm not supposed to tell Dad.

And I went, you fucking idiot. You are so stupid. But a shout out to everyone in Victoria then. Or maybe. Definitely Australia. Or our daycare that did Bookweek. For those playing along at a home, Mabel looked like was Alice in Wonderland for one day.

And she was amazing. And then another day she went as a fairy. Again, very cute. Yeah. It was very cute. Tony is very much for children. She loves cute dress-ups. But I believe,

and I'm putting you on the spot here. No, but I believe it. I really believe in this. Tony dropped the hottest take in the office earlier. And I was like, I want to know. what? I just think it's really shitty when kids dress up and stuff, that's not a book. Like, you have, it has to be a book. Like, it has to be a book. Isn't it just dress up

week? No, it's book week. Like, it's supposed to be that you're dressing up as a character from a book. There aren't books like old. Like, books are they still in? But like, stories. Yeah. I have seen over the last couple of years, this is going to raffle some feths, I think. I've seen a few Taylor Swift's at Bookweek over the last few years And I go, well, no, just because there's a little golden book of Taylor Swift, that's not a, it's not, she's not a book character. I'm sure there's many books about Taylor Swift. But there are, but that's not really the, the spirit of Bookweek.

It's supposed to encourage reading that you're, you know. So whilst technically, I go, it's not really for me in the spirit of the whole thing. So this morning when I did Daddy Drop off, a lot of Buzz Light years. Like, again, there is probably a Buzz Lightyear picture book now. But it's a movie. But it's a movie. There was a few incredible hoax. Again.

Charles goes, no, what about the comic books? Yeah, but again, it's a movie. Actually, comic book, that is a good point because there was a lot of Spider-Man. But have the kids read the fucking comic books? No, they've seen the movie or watched the, like, Amazing Spider-Man Cartoon show. Yeah. And I don't want to sound like an old mole. I sound like an old librarian.

Do you know what I mean? You'd be a great librarian. I just. Do you reckon? No, because libraries are a quiet. I'm not very quiet. What the fuck, book is that? Do you know what I mean?

I don't think they like that. Though I do love hanging out with kids and reading stories and stuff. Maybe I could do drag story time, but not in drag. Trixie Mattel and I maybe could do it. She files me on Instagram. Did you know back in the day, Charles, Tony and I used to travel and we used to talk on the plane. And now she listens to a podcast with two guys named Brian.

And she just has the best time with Brian and Brian. It's Tony, Brian and Brian. They're my friends, Brian and Brian. I'm just having so much fun listening to a podcast. And you're just going to sit there by yourself, you're fucking loser. Yeah, well, they are both called Brian, but they don't go by Brian, do they? Strixi and Cartier. But, yes, I do love it so much.

Ryan filmed me on the plane. We could pop it up. and it was just me, I'm pissing, I'm pissing on the plane and he's just like, what do you? I remember when I used to make you laugh like that. You do make me laugh like that. I just, you know, getting inspo from other places. But maybe Trixie would want to do drag story time with me and we could do that and that would be really fun because I'm in love with her and she follows me on Instagram. I'm going to say something.

Please, talk about it. Over the last, probably five, since we started the pod five years. Happy birthday. Thank you. I reckon I've received a hundred DMs over the journey saying, could they dress me up in drag? Yeah, you have gotten heaps of those. So book week next year, is there a book?

Or is that not count? Well, Trixie and Cartier do have a couple of books. Oh, so now it's fine. Yeah. I mean, we could scrape it in. You know what I love? When people are dressed as Spider-Man for me. Hi, I'm Yain from South Wales, UK.

Hi, I'm Jess from Melbourne. Hi, this is Tina from Carmen, California, and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive shout out to a few of our champion tapers over at our Patreon. Our Patreon is a little, yeah, okay, here we go. Sorry, sorry. I just suggested that I don't have a puss and an asshole, that I only have one multifunction orifice. And that has... And then just continued on.

I was like, are we not going to take a fucking breath? How am I supposed to concentrate? No, no, no, you go. What questions do you have about my claw whack up? No, you go. Okay. A massive shout out to our champion time. I was over at our Patreon.

Our Patreon is like a beautiful little community behind the payroll. Where we'll post how we got talking about that. Yeah, we can. We can actually. I replied to all the DMs. It has been called by me, the safest group chat in the world. So all the champion types. Tapers are part of a group chart.

I'll stand by that. Which is so nice. It is nice. Grace McCulley. Thanks, MacA. One of our favourite tarpas. That's in our little GC. Yep.

Goods. Yep. The GCGC. The good on you. Charlotte. Ellis to Beak Horse. Empress Veridian. What a name.

A fifth Viridian. Laylani Eastern. Charlotte Farquah. Kalia. Kela. Get a better. And Joshua Husky. Absolutely love to see it.

that, thank you. Joshua Husky. That sounds like... That is an amazing name. Like, James Bond's nemesis is Joshua Husky. Joshua Husky. What about this? Tell me. There's this guy who works at the distillery by making whiskey.

Oh yeah. And he lives up in the woods and he's got like a, and then he goes home and lights his big fire. And he's like lumberjack vibes. Yeah. And then he like pours himself some of the whiskey that it's like, you know, they don't fuck with that new like fancy flavour as like, oh, proper whiskey. Yeah. And you go, who's that guy? And I go, that's James Husky.

James Husky whiskey. Yeah. And I reckon he's got a few tats and a beard. Yeah, that's cool. Yeah. I like that. James Husky. I've got such a...

I'm thinking of James Teske from the Teske brothers, who was in the Rolling Stone when Tony Lodge was... He was on the cover. Yep. I was just the centrefold. Oh, you were the cover of the middle beer. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. Angel is a centerfold. Yeah, it's like.

Well, actually, I've been the victim of a crime. do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do you know me to get detective done oh actually detective done would have been really helpful at this time however detective lodge has taken care of this okay um lieutenant lodge and we were fucking around with pepper tony pizza lieutenant lodge is obviously the perfect nickname for me and i will be adopting it from henceforth from now until forever lieutenant lodge and Ryan the podcast. The LARPAs.

The LARPAs. Still kind of works. No, this is actually very serious. So, on this podcast, there's a lot of things that we love, like friendship, safety, fun. We also love BIN chat. We also need to be aware of the rising crime rates across Australia and the world. Do you think there's a correlation between the rising crime rates and the crazy.

that our councils are imposing us on bins? Who knows? Or maybe it's a crime to live your life. I have been the victim of a crime. So last... Is the crime living your life? Yeah. So live your life.

Hey. Hey. Don't put your bin out at night time. Just leave your life. Because this is where the problem is. Last bin night. Tulbs and I are in bed it's like 10.30 or 11 o'clock

and we're kind of drifting and we're like warm and snuggily kind of drifting off and I go fuck the bins classic and Tulbs goes fuck and both of us kind of do this like

paper rocks well I know I'm not gonna do it and Tulbs goes I'll go oh no I'll go and he goes I will go and do the bins I was like thank you my love What's my, besides Christchurch? Taking the bins out.

That's my job. That's your job. And you do that at home as well. I do that at home? So when Bridget goes, do we put the bins out? And yeah, I'm in bed and I'm like, that is my job. Yeah. And but I go, well, I know I'm not doing it.

Great job remembering, bridge. If you could have done it like literally three seconds. Yeah, before I'd hopped into it. You jump here to go, you know that first? Like, oh. And you're like, the day's over. Now's my time. My time to shine, which is going to sleep.

Yeah, and put those bins out, have you? Oh, you're a motherfucker. And so I knew that I wasn't doing it. I did, though, offer, obviously. I'm not saying, Torbs, that you have to do it. But I'm just saying, I'm not doing it. We both look at PIPA. I'm like, might be your turn.

Yeah, come on, sweetheart. And he's like, oh, do you know what bins it is? And I was like, oh, I don't actually, like, hopefully somebody else on the street's already done there. There was a bit of florenter on you. But to be honest, it's so late, everybody else's bins going to be out. Yeah. Like, there's no way where the first people put. You'll find out.

Yeah, yeah. So Torbs hoofs out there and he comes back in and he goes, oh, it's rubbish and recycling this week. I was like, oh, thank God. Like our recycling boom is fucking fools of good. Yep. And then we're kind of like chatting because you're back awake. Yep.

We're kind of chatting and we're drifting off a little bit. So it's probably like, yeah, 1130 now. That's late, man. Late for me. Yeah. And I hear this weird noise and instantly I'm on. I'm like, what the fuck was that? I look on the cameras and there's a bunch of people with flashlights like next to Torbs's car.

And I go, wait here. And I go outside like a fucking Leggiano Ronaldo. Leggiano Ronaldo Lieutenant Lodge on the fucking case. Torbs, Torbs like, oh my God, what do you? And I was like, wait here. And I just marched my fucking beautiful little ass outside. And because they were like, I was looking. on the thing and they're like looking around

I can see the torch is kind of flicking up and I'm like there's two or three people out there and they weren't trying to break into Torbs's car they were going through our recycle bins for cans to take to the fucking thing I'm Natalie and Brulier about this I am not you're not allowed

you can't go through my bin you freak you've thrown it out no it's my bin when it hits the curb it's up to the community Now, disagree. Get them cans, kids. Take them to the CDS. But.

Does it leave money in the fucking bin? Oh, it must be nice. In this economy, you're just throwing money out into the trash. But it wasn't kids. It was two probably 80 year old people. Kids of God. They were kids once too. Children of the earth.

Children of the community. God's children. All God's children. Yeah, so true. And I was like, and I've walked out. And I go, excuse me, and they pretend they can't hear me. Great cool. And I go, oh, excuse me, like, can you please stop going through our bin?

And they just go, we can't hear you. I go. Why haven't all other criminals thought of this? This is, and you just go, oh, okay. I've got to point a floor out to you with this. And I was like, can you please stop going through our bin? They go, thank you. And they just like play done with me.

I love that. They go, thank you. Do the implement. influence away. Thank you. Yeah. And then I was like, no, can you please put the care? Because by that point, I thought I was going out there to stop a crime. A crime.

So you're all full of adrenaline. I'm full of adrenaline. I'm looking for a fight. You're ready to fight. And I'm so often flight that to be fight, I was like, well, I've got to get something out of this. Yeah. What am I going to do?

Go back to bed. And I'm like, could you please put the stuff back that you've just stolen? I've been heavy handed. And they just go, thank you. We can't understand you. And they walk off. Respect. Respect.

I'm on their side. And I get a message. Do you want to fight me? It feels like you just need to get it out. No, no, no. And I just, I was so incensed. I was so mad.

And then I get a message from the neighbor, Lily. And she goes, hey, you're okay? Like I've just heard like voices or whatever. And I was like, someone was going through our bin stealing out. She goes, you're joking.

So she's on my side. So I'm like, but she goes, do you need me to come? Did they do the whole street? She goes, do you need me to come? Well, so this is the thing, right?

Yeah. We hadn't put our bin out till so late. They were watching us. Yeah, they were waiting. They were fucking... They're done the rest of the street and they go, it's only a matter of time. They go, oh, that won't be long. They hear the trundle of the bin down the driveway and they go, we're on here.

I respect it. Oh, interesting, they can hear that, but not me talking to them three fucking feet away. They didn't get their story straight on the hearing. So, you better believe that every can that has gone into our bin this week, I've crushed it. You're such a bitch. I've crushed it. Who do you think you are? I'm such a mole.

I've crushed them all. I'm going to take you back to last week or whenever it was. I know when I said that I wish that I'd stolen from Coles. Yeah. You're like, I was so uptight and it turns out it doesn't matter. They're like making some cash. They're taking your trash away for free. They're probably saving you cancel rates.

They're saving you money. I mean, that's not how it works. But once you put it on the curb, it's fair game. Do you know what I think is, be a good solution here. To let them live? Is to have a can bin. It's called the recycling bin.

No, no, no, but like, because there's heaps of other stuff in the recycle bin, like parcel boxes and fucking whatever. I reckon if there was like a little bin that I could, and I would be happy for them to go through that. I just felt really weird that were like going through our bin. That just made me feel really strange. Why don't you put your cans?

In a little tub or something. Separately in the house. Yeah. And then take them to the CDC. Do you know what I would have allowed? If they knocked on our door and said, can we have your cans, fucking go for it.

At a timely time. A timely time. But like not at 11pm. Well, when I've thought that someone was breaking into a car on the street. I think same. If someone just came up and went like, oh, we're saving some extra money.

We want to do our bit, whatever. Yeah. And if there's any cans we can take, we're going to go take them down. Is there any way we can grab yours? Yeah. And I would go, oh, I'll pop a tub out. You can take him.

Go for it, man. Like, I would have been fine with that. But yes, I've crushed him all. Torb said that next, he's like, you're not going to care about this in a week. And I was like, no, you're right. But while I do care about it, I'm going to talk about it and I'm going to crush them.

Do you know what's worth a lot of money? Cairns. The Rokabee bottles. Really? I think there may be a 15 or a 20. You're joking me. I wouldn't. Charles, go check.

There's one in the fridge. Can you check? Is it Rokabee or Rokabee? I keep calling it Rokabee, but I think I just want to be fancy. There's also a dairy farmers one in there, Charles, which I have defected to of like, there's a dairy farmer's top left.

It's off. Don't drink it. Yeah, so the dairy farmers is also 10 cents. Oh, Slate. I think it might be the Rockabies that more. Making money. 10 cents. Yeah.

But pretty good. If you're buying them every day, which all of us are. Do you need? A life, yes. Because you wanted to fight and didn't get one. Do you need to fight something? No, I don't think I do.

Are you sure? I think that... Just a healthy little... Do you know where the fight has gone? Because I think you are right? The fight has gone into crashing the cans. Yeah, okay. I think that I just wanted to be like,

no one can have them. What are you going to do about it? Fuck you. But yeah, I'm not going to do that anymore. I'm not going to recycle them if they're crushed. Actually, I forget I said that. I don't think you can't put them for the machine. You have to like take them to a place.

I regret asking because Charles let her have this one. No. What? Oh, they, no, like, they can't use them. You did a, you did a dirty dog. Wait, but they can. Huh? The Rockabies are also 10 cents.

Oh, I thought they were more. Is it can less than? No, I feel everything's 10. See Rockies bringing out new flavor. Cookies and cream. Yeah, but they're doing a little campaign. Like, guess what the new one is like? But it's cookies and cream.

But do we know that? Lily told us that. Yeah, but I think they're teasing some other ones. Oh. And it's only going to be one of them. Oh, cool. Or is Lil' got an inside Rockabies man. You got a milkman?

If Lily has an inside Rockabies man, then why are we still paying for them. Have you got an inside into Rockabies? They did like a campaign where they leaked it on TikTok and then they deleted it and then heaps of people made videos saying that was the one but now it's been confirmed. So it is cookies and cream? Yeah. Slay. And good for them. So yeah, I think that what I might do is leave out a little tub with the thing because then they don't go through the bin. But I'm over it now. How long does it take you to get back to sleep after that ordeal?

Oh, I was hyped up for like another hour. Yeah. I had so much adrenaline going through my veins. It's like when someone actually, do you remember when someone actually broke, well, all three times, someone actually broke in? Yeah. And I was like, like, you just can't come back down. Well, it's funny you say that because bridge is like, nothing has scared me more in my life.

Is that when those people broke into our house. And then I just went, that was crazy. And then just went straight back to sleep. And she was just like, you were a psychopath. Oh, yeah. It's, I don't know how that happened. And she was like, do you need to talk about this? And I was like, uh-huh.

She's like, because I'd kind of do that you're already asleep. Yeah, sort of. Yeah, yeah. Well, I'm sorry that happened to you, sweetie. Thank you so much. I know that you're just being facetious, but I do appreciate it. No, but like anyone rattling through your shit at night. It was, and that way, I think that was the thing.

Yeah, yeah. And that's why I wanted to fucking, like, be a bitch. And that's, but that's why I've been crushing him because I was like, no, you won't, you scared me. Yeah. My payback for that is this. I think we should, and let us know in the comments what you reckon. I reckon we for a societal experiment

should take up petty crimes and like Well no one cares about them I've had a crime done on two to me neither of you worried about it I think I'm just fascinated with they're like Hello Honestly

When like if we just like took a car And they go Excuse me is that your car And you go The fucking police don't do anything about that too And you just go thank you And they go you can't steal that I can't hear you

I can't hear you. Sorry. That actually happened to a Hawks player, I think it was. He was, they arrived in Adelaide for like a big game against Adelaide and they're all the reporters at the airport and he just had his headphones in. Yeah. And they're like, oh, what's going to happen in the game? And he's like, hello. I can't hear anything. I'm listening to this.

I got her you love to see it. It is from Olivia Compton. Hi, Olivia Compton. Oh, she's been to tub for a long time. Yeah, she said I'm catching up. I'm about a year and a bit behind because I've been in the trenches because she's got a toddler. Oh, and it's really happening. And the daughter has had a couple of issues, especially with speech, a bit speech delay.

Oh, sure. And she never really says, uh, mommy or daddy or mom and dad. She's like, can't kind of get her mouth around it and just hasn't kind of happened yet. However, when they watch Tony and Ryan on the TV screen, she looks at us and says, mom, dad. And it is a privilege to be your parent. Clear as day. It's clear that in the first year of her life,

we watch slash listen to the pod religiously. You've been listening to us too much that your daughter is just like, they're my real family. Yeah. And we are. Yeah. I would take that child on.

Mummy's fighting with the can boys. Yeah. That's just a girl from the internet, dear. But Liv, thanks for sending that through. Love to see it. That's really sweet. I have you love to see here from Teal, who sent this through on Patreon, a bit of an idea,

and says, hey, Tony, my friend recently started listening to the pod and she's trying to catch up on all the episodes. She would love to know how long it's going to take her to catch up. She's like, surely Charles has all the info on like how long the episodes are, how many there are, what like that would kind of look like. It'd be really cool to find out how long exactly it is. And Charles and I got on the blower. And we'd like to show you a new update to Tony and Ryan said what.

So if any tap is listening, you go to tap said what.com. You can search any words that would tell you how many times you said it on the episode. And then on the right hand side, there's a button called catcher. And if you put in what episode you're up to. Oh my God. So you can pick a specific episode. Or you can say, I've never listened or I'm. up to date. You can tell us what speed you listen at. And at the top there, it will say how many

episodes you've got to go and how many hours and minutes of listening that would be. And the equivalent of like days nonstop, nights of sleep, 29 Lord of the Rings marathons is like what Charles has just typed in. And how many words? Three point six million words. So go to T-Pain and Tinder bios. So that's our first ever episode. So if you had never listened, you could also click, I've never listened. Oh, that's kind of what I meant. Yeah. So that would mean that as of this time, that's how many episodes you'd have to go,

how many hours worth of listening it would be. And you could also say, like, I want to be caught up by my birthday. Yeah. So you could type in your birthday and it would tell you how much you would have to listen to. So, Charles, if you pop in there. To catch up by the certain day. If you pop in that I want to be caught up by the 28th of November, 2026. So we're going the long way around.

We're watching Charles use a computer. So if I wanted to be caught up by my birthday, I would have to listen to this pod for seven hours and 39 minutes a day, every day for three months, which is 54 hours a week. So... This is amazing stuff, guys. It is such a great calculator. And at the bottom, if you scroll down, scroll,

all episodes back to this date. And the idea is by TIL. She's credited on our beautiful calculator that Charles fucking popped his pussy making yesterday. Yeah, hang it scroll down a bit further for the whole site. Built by Charles, but all copyright remains, Tony and Ryan as he was working when he built it, even though it was outside of business hours. He ordered Uberites on the work account. Yeah, okay.

That's all the same as it was. Yeah. But isn't that so fucking cool? That is amazing. I love that. Yeah. So I love to see it. I'm going to post that on LinkedIn.

Thanks for that. idea, Teal. So what came from a thing of her being like, God, I'd love to know how much my friend has to listen to. We've now built it. So pretty fucking sick. Imagine if you sent this to Teal and she was like, oh, yeah. Yeah, I actually did message her and I haven't heard back. So, oh, sorry that Charles built and Tony built an amazing, crazy piece of technology specifically for your one request. Yeah. And she goes, oh, that's all good. Thanks. All good. But isn't that so sick. And I reckon that if you were thinking of starting the pod, it's kind of like a not intimidating way to be like, oh, I know now how much effort I've got to put in. Yeah. I think that's

really good. So if you go to tap said what.com, you can see all of the features that we just talked about and check out the new one and figure out how much longer you've got to go. It's sick, eh? Slay, slay, slave. That's so good. Um, tomorrow on the show, we have, we've got a confession from a wedding because the tarpa, like, knows a secret about the bride and groom. And they're, as well as saying like, this is my confession,

they're also like, should I say something? Or do I just like let sleeping dogs lie? Like is ignorance bliss. I think it is, but I still want to know. Yeah. Well,

you're gonna. But I think we'll all be a bit like, oh, like they haven't done anything wrong, but they're right up in it. So that's tomorrow on the show. And thanks for sharing. And if you've got a confession

at Tony and Ryan. com.a.u as well. Love you so much. Love you. Bye.