Toni and Ryan - Huge Load vs Strong Build

Episode Date: January 5, 2023

One of the funniest sayings Ryan has messed up, and I'm quitting the podcast! Sorry!!!!! Hehehe love ya! Toni xoxox [USED TO BE VIDEO EPISODE BUT NOT ANYMORE LOL TECHNICAL CHAT] Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Plus you can find the links to pre-order Toni's book here! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the podcast. I'm Ryan, that is author Tony Lodge, and we are calling Katie, who is in Minneapolis. Minneapolis? It's just a little-apolis. And just to remind everyone, this is a comedy podcast. That uses Skype. That's comedy. Is it ironic Skype? Yeah. It's not.

Hello. Hi, is that Katie? Yes, it is. It's Tony and Ryan. Will you approve this podcast? Oh, I 100% will. Yes. Hi, this is Katie from Minneapolis, Minnesota,

and I approve this podcast. Welcome to the video show. And Tony, as you can see with a very unimpressed face, is very unimpressed with the new overshirt. Great. Let's move unimpressed with the new over shirt. Great. Let's move on. Inns. Colour. In. You nowhere near anyone's vagina. In that thing. No?

Boner killer? Lady boner killer. Lady boner killer? Okay, my apologies. Not good. We've got an email from Brittany. Should we call her Brittany? I think you did say yesterday that you said maybe we should change her name, but we did call her Brittany already, so sorry, Brittany. No, let's stay with Brittany.

Sorry, Brittany. Brittany's like a pretty common name. Yeah. Could be anyone. Could be anyone. Could be anyone. I'm 5'3", and my now ex-boyfriend was 6'3", and a heavy load. A heavy load?

Yeah. So he's a big boy. A heavy? How? Hang on. So a big 6'3". Yeah, but who would describe someone as a heavy load? Oh, sorry.

A strong build. Is that the same thing? No. Not the same? What's the difference? What the fuck? Where did you get heavy load from? I don't know.

Well, I know what's coming in the story, but... No. Hang on. I feel like, what heavy load? Where did that come from? Oh, she's like, he's a strong build of a six-foot-three. What? Oh, she's like, he's a strong build of a six-foot-three.

I just don't know where heavy loads come from. I was like, maybe heavy mistrade heavy lad is kind of what I thought maybe, but a strong build. A strong build. That's a normal way to describe a person. Okay, that's fine. If you're new to the podcast, welcome. Tony by trade is a sound engineer, so I'm actually going to need some help with some,

just maybe some sound effects just to get us through this story here from Brittany. Okay. Because Brittany and her now ex-boyfriend really had a couple of times that I don't think you can, if you've ever done something and instantly you're like, I will never forget this. Yes. There's no way my person can really truly move on from the embarrassment I've just I don't think you can... Have you ever done something and instantly you're like, I will never forget this? Yes. There's no way my person can really truly move on from the embarrassment I've just experienced. A hundred percent, yes.

We were in his room and his mum was in the house. Okay, living at home. Living at home. They were young. So just how old were they? Do we know? I think young love, like maybe 18, 19, 20, something like that. And were you, when you lived with your mum, old were they? Do we know? I think young love, like maybe 18, 19, 20, something like that.

And were you, when you lived with your mum, did you have boyfriends that like stayed over and stuff? Yep. And does that like, is it sort of don't ask, don't tell, or you like keep it down a little bit or you wait till they leave? Or it's just always a bit awkward? I mean, I think it's always a bit awkward because even if you haven't, they think you have. Yeah. Like, and when you think you've because even if you haven't, they think you have. Yeah.

Like, and when you think you've been quiet, you haven't, and they know. When you get home and you think you've got away with them not knowing you're drunk, they know. They know. Yeah. Yeah. So I think it's one of those things where as a kid you go, I've gotten away with that, no matter what it is.

Yeah, and you haven't. And you haven't. And you haven't. Well, they were like, hey, mum's at the other end of the house. Let's just like, you know. Show me your heavy load. Show me your heavy load. Yeah.

We were in his room while his mum was home and we were, in capital letters, getting it on. You can't get it on in capital letters while your mum's home. You get it on in tiny letters while your mum's home. You get it on in tiny little letters. In a cute little font. Yeah, in Curls MT. No, it was like multiple Ns on on. Like, we were getting it on.

No, you can't be getting it on when your mum's home. I mean, I wouldn't know. But you know what I mean, right? You lived at home with your mum. Yep. And you, I'm sure, brought many a lady home. We don't slut shame on this podcast. I'm not slut shaming at all, but I know that that's what you did. And good for you.

I don't give a fuck. No, thank you. It's all consensual. It's fine. But you can't get it on when your mum's home. He was on top. And he thought he'd try to be sexy and try something different. You're not trying something different when your mum's home.

That's what I'm... I don't disagree. I don't disagree. No, you're getting in, you're getting out. No heavy loads, small loads. Tiny. He was on top and he thought he'd try something sexy and decided to choke me a little bit, in inverted commas.

He's like, I'll just choke you a little bit, you know, just spice it up a little bit. And he, you know, heavy loads, six foot three. She's five foot three. And choking is already, like, very dangerous. Very dangerous territory. He clearly had no idea what he was doing. And for a short moment, I stopped breathing and started to turn blue.

This is what that sounded like, by the way. She's not breathing. I don't know. What does that sound like? So then he starts to panic. Brittany, Brittany, Brittany. Mom! Well, that's what happens next. No. He then calls out to his. Brittany, Brittany, Brittany. Mum! Well, that's what happens next.

No. He then calls out to his mum because he's scared. He's panicked. She's stopped breathing and she's gone blue. And he's like, fuck, what's going on? So he's like, mum! Mum just starts like, because, you know, what do you do when you're in trouble? You ask your mum for help.

I mean, there's, well, thanks for bringing that up. There's a few different mums, don't you think? Like, oh, I need you to look like mum or mum or mum. And in this case, what do you think it would be? Mum. Could you just come and have a look at this for a second? Because I imagine at the time he's going, mum, like, I don't want you to come in here and see my bum because he's on top.

So that's what's going to, you know. Yep, yep. So he's probably feeling pretty embarrassed, but there's no time for embarrassment in a 911. You're embarrassed, but you're terrified, but you need your mum, but you're also panting because you're fucking in the moment. And I'm a heavy load. And you're a heavy load, so you kind of sound like this.

Oh, pretty. Mum! Mum! Oh, mum! Mum! Yeah, I'm going to need you to get off. I don't know. What do mums do?

I literally don't know. Get off the prevel. Yeah. Mum, stop trying to sell your coffee machine for $20 on Facebook Marketplace. Get off Facebook Marketplace. I need some help. Brittany continues. He's still on top when I start breathing again and my colour comes back.

Yeah, and shit. I think when you stop breathing, like it can just, you suddenly stop and you miss a few breaths, but then you come back right away. Yeah. Especially with like a lot of weight on your chest. Like that would be, yeah. So she starts breathing again. Her colour comes back.

And as this occurs, the mum walks in. Now, she doesn't know about the choking. She doesn't know about the turning blue. She doesn't know about the losing consciousness. From't know about the turning blue. She doesn't know about the losing consciousness. From her point of view. He has called her in to watch them have sex. Or he's just screaming. Mum.

Mum. Mum. So pretty. Her. Okay, stop. So you know there's that, you yell out the wrong name or it's your ex or. Have you ever done that?

No, I'm not a name person. Oh, I think I've asked that before. Yeah. Yeah, nah. So, she just walked in and he's just like. So, the mum's walked in. Yeah, and she's regained consciousness. So, he's like, oh, back to it.

Because it would have happened in a split second. Yeah. Yep. He's probably just like, Brittany, are you all right, Mum? And then go, oh, cool, we're all good. And she's just like, what are you – did you – So did Brittany know why he'd called for Mum? No, because she – yeah, she didn't really know what had –

Yeah, because it happened so quickly. So Brittany's underneath him. Yeah. Mum's at the door. Yeah. Both of them think that he's yelling mum while they're just having sex. Sex. Yep.

That is precarious, isn't it? And you know what? That's not the worst thing that happened. Fuck off. During this... Mum joins in. No, no. Mum jumps on the back.

Mum joins in. No, no. Mum jumps on the back. So a few weeks later, says Brittany, we're at his house again and because of the choking and the- Hang on. No, what? Rewind. Yeah.

What happened with the mum walking in? Nothing? It was just all awkward. Then she left and he just kept going. Like, what is there to do? I mean, it's fucking incredibly awkward, but there is no, like... So he... What?

It's all right. All good. Sorry. I'm obviously literally in the middle of something, so... Occupado, you know. I don't know about that. Oh, my God. Yeah, okay.

Sorry. A few weeks later. So because of the choking and the unconsciousness, and he didn't really know what he was like, he's a bit nervous now and he's obviously like pulled back on being, I don't know if the word, the aggressor, the instigator perhaps. So he's sort of, he's taken a back seat, right? He's like, oh.

You'd fucking hope so. Yeah, I just need to, you know, sit back. So she's like, well, obviously it's my turn to step up to the plate and if anything's going to happen, I'm going to be the one leading here because he's just a big gun shy at the moment. Very understandable. Yeah. You're going to know where this is going as soon as I say this.

Brittany says, I'd recently got a septum piercing, which is like kind of the bullring in the middle there. Between your nose, yeah. He also had his nose pierced and it had like a big oversized hoop so because he's a bit gun-shy and nervous she's on top and this is what that sounds like by the way my chest i thought my chest was going to swing uh no i just yeah oh my god i'm just so uncomfortable that the mum saw them i'm sorry My chair's... I thought my chair was going to swing. No, I just... Yeah, oh, my God. I'm just so uncomfortable that the mum saw them.

I'm sorry. The septum ring then somehow got stuck and tangled up with his nose ring. And we... Because, like, it's her, like, bull thing has gone through the hoop of his nose ring. And she says... Sorry, just logistically. Yeah. Are we talking obviously not on top like this?

We're talking on top like this. Well, that's not on top. That's just standing up. No, no, no. Sorry. Like if she's on top but I guess leaning forward to like give him a little smooch or something. Oh, okay.

Or he was sitting up or something. Right. And the. Sorry, because I'm thinking that she's on top like this. I'm like, well, how is that getting started? It must be a big hurt. Actually, right. And the. Sorry, because I'm thinking that she's on top like this. I'm like, well, how is that getting stuck? It must be a big hoop. Actually, no. So he's like flat on his back starfishing and she's like on top

but leaning forward. Right, okay. Giving him a smooch. Sorry, that's her, my brain. Yeah, no, that does make sense. I was like, how big's the hoop? Is it a whole hoop? Yeah, it's a whole hoop.

Yeah, he's got a whole hoop. He's got this fancy thing. So she says, we couldn't for the life of us get it untangled. So when she's on top and loving it and then the nose rings get caught and then they get stuck, this is what that sounds like. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. And they, for the life of them, couldn't get it undone and they're like, there's someone who we know is home.

How's mum not moved out? What the? Okay, so hang on. They literally. But this time she has to call out because he's like, I'm not calling out. Judy. But keep in mind when she's calling out, her nose is.

Judy. Judy, could you kind of give us a hand with something, please? So we lay there, says Brittany, butt naked. There's massage oil on the side camera. There's a huge towel as well as me on top of her very sweaty and very excited naked son. And should I also mention this is her youngest son, which I don't know, it just makes it so much worse. The baby boy kind of thing.

She races in. Well, mum's ready to go now. She's like, they might need me at any point. She hears the bed squeaking and goes, fuck, I'm on here. She is pissing herself laughing whilst also trying not to look at her youngest son have sexy time with his girlfriend. Because I'm on top but leaning forward because our noses together, I am literally like arsed straight up.

So when she walks in the door, it's like she just looks straight into her soul. She could have given her a fucking pap smear. Which sounds like. Holy. I just, look, what a sex positive household. Yeah. Like, you know what, for mum to walk in and be laughing

and help them out. Yeah. Like is pretty, I don't know that there's a lot of mums that would respond that way. I'm just trying to think of what my mum would say and I feel like she would laugh as well. I mean, what else can you do? Yeah.

So she, like, has to get right up in their face to, like, unhook the nose things. He was probably still inside her. He was. Yeah. Yep. Yep. And then if you're laying face down, right, say you're her.

Yep. So you're like sort of face with your nose stuck. Yep. And then it gets like unhooked. What's the first thing you do after the panic and you're face down? You kind of like. Oh, and you sit back up. Yeah, and like.

All right, Judy, fucking on your bike, doll. And sit back down on it. So it's like unhooked. And then he's like, oh. And you're like, all right, Jude, fucking see you later, sweetheart. It was so damn embarrassing, says Brittany. But also, strangely enough, an oddly bonding moment between the mum and I. The mum would be just so stoked that you trusted her.

Like, I feel like my mum would be so happy that, like, she had, you know, fostered a safe environment where, like, I felt like I could yell out to her. And so the mum was, Judy's probably like, you know, I've done my mumming well. Yep. You know? I no longer have my septum piercing, says Brittany.

Yeah. And we didn't have sex at his house for quite a while after that. See, yeah, I think that's the outcome we were looking for after the first one. Yep. Wow. Let's go back one more time. I think after the third time, I'm not coming in. Yeah, I'll wait in the car.

You beep out the front. Flash the light. You're finished. You just text like, here, down the street. You're like three houses away. But can I just say, Brittany, thank you so much for sending that in. That is amazing. What do you reckon your mum would do?

Obviously, it's different now that you're married and stuff, but back in the day, if you were fucking... Sorry. If you were fucking, yeah. If you were fucking. And, like, you're in the house and stuff, and, like, something went wrong or, you know, you got tangled up or whatever.

Like, if you called out, your mum would be fucking so happy with that. I don't know about happy. Happy is not the right word. Sorry, happy is not the right word. No, no. But your mum would be like, yep, here to help. Like, she would. Happy is not the right word. But your mum would be like, yep, here to help. She would.

She would be so, like, she would be so touched. Don't say touched. Don't say happy to help either. I think that's a term we can avoid. She would be really touched. Don't say touched. Sorry, but just remove the other meaning of touched. She's actually the only one not being touched in that moment. Thank God.

But I think she would be flattered and proud of herself. But she had, like, raised you to know that you would feel comfortable enough with that. I appreciate you trying to find a sort of aligning of this story. And you're not wrong, but it just feels so wrong. I know. We watch too much porn. The mum walking in is just like, oh, stepmum walks in.

Stepmum. Oh, did you know that? Did you want me to teach you how to do that? Can your mum fix printers and deliver pizzas? They're all just coming together. Who's cleaning the pool? Hi, this is Katie from Minneapolis, Minnesota, and you are listening to Tony and Ryan.

A massive shout out to a few of our champion tapas over at our Patreon. Recent ones from this year. Newbies. New bangers. Sorry for saying bangers after all that. That's a choice of words. Call your mum to come in. Joseph.

Good on ya. Sarah Moot. Oli Alula. Thank you so much. Matthew Sway and Alex Herschel, thank you very much. And also keep an eye out because your name might be scrolling across the bottom for anybody that's over in the Patreon. All those names scrolling across the bottom.

Oh, no. It's us knowing where it is at all times. And I'm sure we can follow one because you know how I'm on this side of the screen. Oh, you're on that side. So it'll go like. Did we get it and whose was it whose was it and uh for people who are just listening and not watching who the fuck knows who knows um so over the break we've just come back from a couple of weeks off and it was like christmas time so most people are on holidays, and hopefully, sorry if you're not. And we kind of, before Christmas happened,

my boyfriend Torbs was still working, but I had a few days off. Yeah, a lady of leisure. I was. It was, oh, fuck, it was so good. And I kind of had, because it was pre-Christmas, I had like a few little bits and pieces to do. Life admin. Yeah, but then I also had stuff a few little bits and pieces to do. Life admin. Yeah, but then I also had stuff to do that was like fun hobby stuff. I noticed the crafting and the cricket got a workout. Yeah, the cricket got a workout so I made all my own Christmas crackers

and everything for Christmas Day. Anyway, so I was doing like fun crafty stuff. Did you get to use the Christmas crackers during the seven minutes here at the beach? We did that for our lunch, like our Christmas lunch. Yeah. Thank you for checking in. Lovely of you.

Anyway, and so I had kind of all that stuff to do, and I'm not really good at relaxing. No. It's not something that I feel like when I'm being chill, I feel like I'm being really lazy. This is the first kind of holiday I've ever actually really like full on relaxed. Yeah. Do you need something to keep you busy? Even if it is crafting? Yeah. I just. Something to do. You're not a sitter.

Yeah. And I just, cause when I just sit, I feel like I'm like not really enjoying time. Cause I'm like, oh, well I sit and do nothing at nighttime after we have dinner. So like, is it just that? Like, I don't want to at night time after we have dinner. Yeah. So like. We've got a whole day. Is it just that? Like, I don't want to just like watch shit TV for three weeks and then go, oh, I didn't do anything. Sorry to derail this possibly. Yeah. But I want to know if this is the thing.

Like when you're on holidays, it's almost like a pressure of like, I should be doing something more fun. Totally. I'm wasting my holiday. Yeah. Is that a real thing? Yeah, absolutely. And you kind of go, oh, well, like I'm not doing enough, nothing. Or then you do too much, nothing.

You go, well, I haven't done anything. Yeah. I'm doing too much. I'm not doing enough. Why am I not in Europe? Yeah. And you then like are so worked up about that, then you're not doing either.

Yep. And so I was like I made a very conscious effort to like do fun hobby things that I would actually enjoy to wind down. Yep. And like three years ago Torbs bought me Animal Crossing on the Switch so that I could like switch off but just like have something dumb to play. And I play it once a year which is normally like at Christmas when I don't have work.

Are you sure? It's just because I've – or maybe it was over the break, but I've noticed in the background of a few Instagram stories. That was while I was on break. Okay, cool. Yeah. So I was like, yeah, in December I play it. Animal Crossing?

Yep, literally. Dust it off? Yeah, dust it off and I remember where all the controls are and I play it like check in like most days and fucking harvest all my shit or whatever. Yeah. And I just like really enjoyed it. And it was so great because every day I had like an hour or two of just doing fucking nothing and just like really switching up.

It was so great. And then so after like when Torbs went on break was like Christmas Eve. So after Christmas, you know, that hazyzy period where time kind of stands still, you've eaten nothing but tiramisu and you feel like you're going to explode? Someone said to me, he goes, oh, what are you doing Wednesday? And I was like, bro, don't throw days of the week at me. I don't know what that is. We deal in numbers between 25 and 31, it's numbers. Yeah. Or even like sleeps. What are you doing in two sleeps?

Yeah. Yeah. I could kind of deal with that, except that does that include afternoon naps? Well, yeah. In three sleeps could be in two sleeps? Yeah, yeah. I could kind of deal with that except does that include afternoon naps? Well, yeah, in three sleeps could be in two hours. Yeah. Yeah, because I'm dozing. Yeah, I'm in and out all the time. And so during that hazy time I said the same thing. I was like, I don't want to just like watch shit TV

or mindlessly scroll on my phone. Like I kind of want to do something. And I'd been playing Animal Crossing and so we were like, oh, let's like find a game we can play together. Great. Because it's just like something fun to do. You can kind of snack while you're doing it, pause for a while, like take people for a walk, come back and come back to it.

You know, it's like it's really good. Yeah. And he's like scrolling through the store, the online store, and Monopoly popped up. So Monopoly on the PlayStation. Yeah. So like you don't have to worry about the money you don't have to unpack and pack up the board no one has to be the banker you don't have to set anything up right and but she's monopolies are fucking and talks goes what about monopoly and i was like

fuck off yeah that's an effort bro like absolutely not and it was like 13 and i was like we're not spending 13 on the monopoly on the Monopoly on the PlayStation. That's ridiculous. Come on. I agree. I'm with you all the way here. So we bought it. And we played Monopoly nonstop for probably two and a half days.

How many games is that? Well, what's two and a half days? Playing time is what, like five or six hours. So what's that, like three games a day? Or something like that? Of Monopoly. Yep. And we got really good.

We got good. What does it say? You move to a place, you buy the house. No, because you play online. Sorry, you play with like AIs. So you play like against the computer. So it was like Torbs. But are you still separate players?

Yeah. So it was like Torbs and I playing our own thing and then like three people like three computers and so like you can set them to like super easy easy medium or hard yeah and at first we were like cool we'll just put them on easy we don't really know yeah like we'll put them on not gonna beat us you know and then like we kind of worked our way up and as they got got more difficult, we were like, okay, you actually need a strategy. Really? Yeah. And so we were like Googling Monopoly strategies and stuff

because I'm not a very good loser. Aren't you? And so I started getting really fucked off that I couldn't win. Because you're quite competitive. I am quite competitive. Yeah. And this relaxing thing. Anyway, so we got quite good at it,

but we got a little bit sick of monopoly after a while and like because it's obviously not designed to be played for like non-stop for three days no the music is very repetitive i could only imagine and like every time you roll the dice it goes whoa roll the dice and like how many games yeah. This is my worst nightmare. I know. So I was kind of like, yeah, I'm like really sick of this right now. Like I can't do this. But because we were like super into- On a roll?

Roll the dice. Roll the dice. Shake the dice. See where you land. That's another one of them. Like it's just so fucking intense. If you get like a pair of fours, it's like you got a double. Yeah, it goes- Spin again. It goes double. And then if you get like a pair of fours it's like you gotta double yeah it goes

in again it goes double and then if you get another double it goes double and then if you go to roll again it's like be careful you might go to jail and then if you like when you're skipping around the board if you land on the jail it's just visiting it's like not the nicest place to visit but the best side of the bars kind of thing. It's like really cheesy Monopoly. But so we were like we could only listen to this for so long. We have to find something else. I'm over it already. I've been hearing 30 seconds of this.

And then so I was like let's see if we can find another game. Like there's going to be something. See if there's another board game on there. And so Torb's like, types in board games. And Cluedo came up. And so we were like, all right, like, let's give this a go. And Cluedo takes like a bit to like get the hang of it anyway because you know how you've got to like fill in your little like

clue sheet and stuff. I only know this because I watched Glass Onion last night and this is a bit of a crossover right now. Well, yes. So we were like, we'll play Cluedo. We played about three games and I was like, I just don't get how to do the score because it's different. The way you score is like different in the fucking PlayStation game

or whatever. Anyway, and like so I was getting really frustrated, but then all of a sudden it all clicked. We both got like into it and then we started playing against the computer as well. Yeah. And we got, like, really good at that. So I'm quitting the podcast because.

To be a professional Cluedo player. I think I'm going to be a detective. Okay, mixed emotions. Yeah. First of all, it'll be sad to see you go. Yeah. But on the other hand, I love this. Thank you.

Because the great thing about it is that I can fund my detective and PI business with being a property mogul because I'm so good at Monopoly. So I know how to make all the money and now I can do whatever I can fund being a detective because I think I'm actually very good at it. I don't doubt that you're very good. Thank you. You would be a great detective.

Thank you. I can't wish I remembered the name of this TV show. It had Ted Danson and this other- Becca. No, it was more recent. The Good Place. No. Where this is like a crime novelist and he becomes a private PI in New York.

And he's like getting jobs off Craigslist and stuff. It's like hilarious. And I could see you doing that because you'd be so great at it. Yeah, and I feel like I could wear like a big trench coat and like a little hat and stuff. So every time we played Cluedo Torbs and I'm like, how you doing? So like we did that that old 20s voice. It sounded like more of a Sean Connery. Oh, no, that's like, get the bolts, the Red October.

You just said that's the same voice. No, it's not. It's like, how you doing, see? Okay, I do have one thing to add, though. Whilst it would be sad to see you go. Thank you. Everyone would be devastated that you left the pod, especially if we've just come back from a break.

Yeah. But, hey, sometimes that's when you do your reflecting and, you know, Exactly. Yeah. It's the great resignation. So. Is that what that means? I don't know what that means.

We both quit our jobs last year. Oh, yeah. We've done that. This is 2023. The great resignation is out. Oh, that's out. Sorry. We should have brought that up on Tuesday.

You should have. Instead of just quite quit this job. You know how yesterday we were hanging out having a coffee and you were like, oh, because the Christmas day didn't go like to plan. Yeah. You were like, Torbs and I have been thinking that maybe next year we'll like go somewhere or like we'll go overseas or do something different or whatever. After hearing about your Christmas Day and how you spent your week off,

I reckon going away would be a great idea. Do you think you can take the PlayStation with you? I fucking hope not. I fucking hope not. It just sounds awful. Do you want to come over and play Monopoly? No. I hate Monopoly.

It's actually lots of fun. No, it's not. Because the great thing, you don't have to hold your cards or anything. You just hide. It's so good. The things I hate about Monopoly are not holding the cards. Okay. It's the board game.

Shit. You do. I mean, I was about to say you need to get a hobby. It seems you found one. I've got one. Go back to the crafting. Far out. It's the repetitive sounds me for some reason it feels like you're walking through a pokies venue yeah it is a bit like it is a bit like that yeah and like yeah it just because obviously it's not designed to be played like on and on and on it's not a bingeable thing

no and so yeah the same sounds kind of come around a lot. You know how Netflix is like, are you still watching? Yeah. Surely after one round of Monopoly they're like, are you sure? Do you need to have a break? Yeah. Even TikTok tells you to have a break after like 50 videos. I would love to see you in a trench coat and a hat though. Yeah, maybe for, I was going to say Halloween.

That's like literally a million months away. Could we maybe do a costume party for the podcast and we dress up or something? Because I just need an excuse to do it. Actually, no, I don't need an excuse to do something. Just do it. Just do it. What if a tarp is sent in a small crime that needed solving?

I could do that. Put it in the episode thread in our Facebook group or hello at tonyandryan.com.au. Amazing. Is there a small crime, preferably in Melbourne? But also nothing like, nothing hectic. Yeah, like, you know, like who put the, like who took my- Sam Friedman Baker has taken down crypto.com for $20 billion

in an overseas money laundering case. See, that's an example of something I could do. Or monopoly skills as well. Yeah, monopoly skills, very good. I could also help with any property mogul questions. I'm also a monopoly strategist now.

You joke. There's probably a YouTube channel and someone probably makes a million dollars a year off talking about this. There's not one YouTube channel. There are many. It's a thing. I don't dare that. There are monopoly experts that know what spaces are most likely to be landed on and what sets of properties are best to buy. Are you as smart as the experts after playing for a few days?

No, I've learnt from them. Okay. Yeah. The student has not become the teacher. Okay. Not yet. Not yet. Not yet.

Yeah. There's a whole year to go. Yeah. Because you haven't had pinballed for years and you said within 24 hours you'd bowl a perfect game. Yeah, so that's fine. And we'll get to that later this month. Yeah. I've got a you love to see it. Is it? I don't know if this is actually

a you love to see it. Oh. Alright, let me reframe this. We haven't done well on our you love to see it. No, and this isn't going to help us. Let me reframe this and say you know when you see someone having a real shit day and you go, well, at least my day's not as bad as them? Oh, that's awful. Yes, I do, though. So this is how you love to see it.

Okay. I pulled up to my co-worker and I pulled up to the side and I go, mate, come and check out this on my computer. Yeah. There's a LinkedIn job ad and it's like written a bit funny, but it also like looks like the shittest job ever, right? And he's like, mate, come and have a look how funny. Doesn't this job look shit? Even you should apply.

I had no idea my colleague had just been fired and this was his last day. But from his point of view, I was just rubbing in the fact that he had been fired and was like, oi, look, you could do this dumb shit job now that you've been fired from this one. So he was just like, look at this funny job

ad. But the other guy's like, well, hey, bro, thanks for sending it through because I need a job. And he looked at it and goes, I don't really want to do that. And then just walked out of the room. So he thought it was a genuine suggestion. Yeah. And then he's like, what do you mean you don't want to do that?

And then someone else comes over and goes, oh, yeah, he just got fired. Like, he has to leave at the end of the day. Getting walked out. He's getting walked in an hour. So he's, like, getting his shit. And you just stopped him to show him the thing. So you know what I love to see? LinkedIn strikes again.

Not being that guy. Yeah, that's good. You think you're having a shit day LinkedIn strikes again. Not being that guy. Yeah, that's good. You think you're having a shit day? Yeah. You're not that guy. Or either both guys in that story not having a good day. Not having a good day. You were surprisingly supportive about me quitting the podcast.

Well, 2023 is the year of supporting. Thank you. Yeah. Supporting in. Yeah. Love that. It's not my job to tell a woman what to do with her life. Thank you.

If I had a preference, I'd love you to stay with the pod. That's nice. That would be great. But if you had to make a decision, I would support it. Oh, well, now I want to stay. Good. That's how it works, guys. Reverse psychology. Oh, I would support it. Oh, well, now I want to stay. Good. That's how it works, guys. Reverse psychology.

Oh. I've been played. I don't know if you noticed where you spent New Year's, but I got a mortgage to pay and you need to keep doing this job. Well, my love to see it is the TV show Come Dine With Me. Have you ever watched that show? I was going to say Come Dog Millionaire because that's a very different TV show. Come Dine With Me. Okay. Have you ever watched that show? I was going to say Come Dog Millionaire. That's a very different TV show. Come Dine With Me. Okay.

Have you ever watched that show? No. So it's like five couples in the UK or five people in the UK, like strangers, get thrown together and every night for a week have to cook dinner for the other four people.

And there's like three turns? So like, yeah. So like all the four people will come to my house. Then all the four people will like go to your house. Yeah. And like so you get to be a guest four times and you host once. And you get to know these strangers. Yeah.

And it's like at the end there's like a thousand pound prize or something for like whoever scores the highest. So like you leave the party and you score each meal out of ten or whatever. So it's sort of like a cooking competition? It's like a, I wouldn't say cooking competition, but, like, yeah, it is a competition. But they're all shit.

Like, none of them are good at cooking. And, like, it's such a good show. And so they'll kind of be, like, having a glass of wine or whatever and they'll be like oh that's burnt it'll be fine and they like put it on the plate anyway yeah or like they go cool so this um this recipe specifically calls for like a liter of cream and they go oh i don't have any cream i've got yoga i'll put that in instead like it's so if i specifically said that which i don't have so instead.

Yeah, like, they go to the shops to buy all the stuff. They're, like, having people over. There's, like, $1,000 on the table, and they just, like. Is the joy of the show the shit cooking, or is it the strangers becoming friends? It's kind of all of it. And then there's, like, a really funny narrator that goes, like, oh, don't worry about that cream, I guess.

Like, it's just, it's so funny. It's narrated by Thomas the Tank Engine's narrator. It's the same guy getting around. It's the fat controller. Yeah. Anyway, they like played on SBS sometimes and I hadn't watched it in years. And over the break, Free to Air TV, it's coming back. We popped it on and I was like, fuck, this show is so good.

And I fucking love to see that. I've got another way I'd love to see it. Okay. What I'm loving to see this week is who Tony Lodge is when she's got time off. This week. And I just great. You're something.

Free to air TV. Yeah. Monopoly on PlayStation. Yeah. Cluedo. Come Dime With Me. Oh, yep. Not leaving there. Yeah. Monopoly on PlayStation. Yeah. Cluedo. Come Dime with me. Oh, yep. Not leaving there. Yeah. I still left the house. To do what?

Well, we walked Pippa, we like went to the shops. Those two things. It was really hot. We went to your house for a bit. Yeah, that's great. Yeah. I love to see that. I love to see all of this. I had a great relaxing time off. It was very hot. We hi bit. Yeah, that's great. Yeah. I'll have to say that. I'll have to say all of this. I had a great relaxing time off.

It was very hot. We hibernated inside. It was great. No, but I can tell because you know how you came back last year from the break as like obnoxious Tony? Yeah, I was obnoxious Tony. Because you were a bit like hippie and free spirited. I was, yeah.

So I feel like you haven't gone that far, but you found like this nice middle ground where you are relaxed and you found your calling. I am very relaxed. Yeah. I, my, can I do another You Love To See It? Sure. After we finished recording yesterday, I went for a swim. I didn't like that.

What? Yeah, because I got some naughty food on the way home and I was feeling a bit guilty about it. Hashtag new you, new me. And then I get this photo from the gym being like, guess who worked out? And I'm sitting there with a face full of zinger going, what a bitch.

She's doing so well and here I am being the same old piece of shit I was last year. Oh, I'm the same piece of shit as well, but I swam as well. I haven't taken any of my shit behaviour away. It's all there. Stop sending me gym selfies, especially in the bathroom. I just, I was fully, don't say, I was fully clothed. I can show you the photo. Don't, no, don't. We'll get cancelled. Spotify, no, we'll need to put an E on the bathroom. I just, I was fully, don't say, I was fully clothed. I can show you the photo.

No, no, don't. We'll get cancelled. Spotify week. No, we'll need to put an E on the episode. No, no, no. No, no. I'm fully clothed.

No, no. Thanks for watching. And for listening. And listening. And for playing board games. And for our four you love to say. And thank you, Tony,

for, hang on, formally, are you in for the Tony and Ryan podcast for 2023 in its entirety? Because I know now you've got some other areas of expertise and interest. Yep. I think I can be a PI and a property mogul on the side. I'll do that on the weekend. All right. See you Monday. Love you. Bye. muggle on the side. I'll do that on the weekend.

Alright, see you Monday. Love you, bye.