Toni and Ryan - Hurtin' Ya Hairdresser

Episode Date: July 12, 2023

Ryan has been CONFRONTED in PUBLIC by his hairdresser - and it's AWKS. Love ya! Toni xoCheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the podcast, Tony and Ryan podcast. That's Tony, I'm Ryan, and we're calling Harry, who's in Mandurah. Harry in Mandurah? Back to God's country, south of Perth. Hello. Hi, Harry. It's Tony and Ryan. Hello. How are you? Yeah. Oh, my God. I don't know who you thought it was, but they were no friend of yours. Oh, my. No, I'm in my Uber on my way to work.

Oh, my God. Holy shit. Well, we'll give you the G up that you need. Yeah. You got this, Harry. Yeah, you've got it. Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah.

Yeah, drop all the F-bombs. Get all the F-bombs out of your system before you get to work. Yeah, yeah. Oh, I know. Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. Harry, will you approve today's podcast? A hundred percent, yes. Yeah. Hi, it's Harry from Perth, fuck yeah fuck yeah alright Harry will you approve today's podcast 100%

yeah yeah hi it's Harry from Perth and I approve this podcast welcome to the show I just had to start because Tony is just going to keep talking about how much he loves Welcome to the show.

I just had to start because Tony is just going to keep talking about how much he loves Action Bronson and will not get a show away today. Sorry. You all good? Yeah. Okay, sweet. Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. Sorry, just sharing my love of food with the group. I didn't hear anything about food.

I just heard a guy who makes food who you wanted to bang. Yeah. I mean. Action Bronson's wanted to bang. Yeah. I mean. Acton Bronson's a cool guy. Yeah. Same with Matty Matheson. He's a really hot food guy that I'd love to bang. But he's very wholesome and he's got a wife and kids

and he calls his wife his queen, which is so cute. What about when girlfriends and wives call their partners king? Do you like a bit of that? I think it's sweet. Do you drop a few kings at your place with Torbs? Are you asking this because you know what the answer is? No, but I know that we've talked about Sorry, we did a 50 hour live show and we talked about a lot of things Yeah

This is ringing bells, but I don't remember the answer Yeah, yeah Yeah, we do a bit of that Torbs calls me Like He's just like Love you my queen Which is quite sweet

And then you say No, I don't actually normally say my king Because it's a bit weird. Yeah. It's not as bad as if it was between daddy and king, I'd king all day. Oh, yeah. I think you've got a king over daddy. Is it heading that way?

No, I think king is more wholesome than daddy. But anyway. You live and learn. Yeah. Yeah. Let's do normal or nah. Actually, let's start with Amy Holder. Hi, Amy.

Oh, Holder. I hardly know her. The underwear I wanted to wear wasn't dry, so my fiance put it in the microwave. Saying it would make it dry quicker. Is that normal or nah? Wouldn't it get... Nah, I know what you're about to say.

Because it's already damp, wouldn't it get sweaty? Yes, surely. I don't think it would get dry. It would just get hot and wet. Yeah. It's not getting dry. It's just get hot and wet. Yeah.

Hot orange juice. Hot and... Yeah. Surely you would do a hairdryer before you would ever do a microwave. I've used a hairdryer in the past. Especially if it's just like a little bit damp. You know, like if it's sopping wet, no chance. But if you just need a little bit of a zhuzh, I think that's okay.

I once, with the T-shirt, the back window of the car, down a little bit. Shove it in. I was up, back to the top. Very smart. And then I hung out the window when i was driving to work then i got to work and put it on oh so you drove to work topless oh i might have had another shirt for comedy yes you got flashed by a speed camera it's you in the front seat with nothing on and the fucking t-shirts flapping in the background.

Because I don't know if this was just a thing that I did with Dad. Oh, no, I think it was a thing at the football. So Hawthorne used to play at Waverley Park and there was no trains or trams, so it was like an old-fashioned, you had to, like, drive. Yeah. But when your team won, you'd put your hawk scarf out the window when you were driving out. Yeah, and it would flap out.

Yeah, and I was like, woo, hawkers! Yeah, it would be the same, like, do you remember, woo, hawkers! Yeah, it would be the same. Do you remember back in the day, it's probably different now, but if you'd go to a concert, you'd be trying to drive out of the car park, which would be gridlock, and everybody or maybe one person would have the album on real loud. And everyone would be getting amongst it. And you'd all have bought the tour shirt.

And you'd be fucking waving that around the thing. Love that. That's fun. Normal or nah? Drinking cough syrup. And the reason I ask is because we did a 50-hour live stream on the weekends, our first show back. I'm a bit – do I sound a little bit?

I don't think you sound bad. I can feel – I've had like a dry, wispy kind of cough. I think you just have that because it's like, and we both said it's not that you're sick, it's just that you have like a dry sore, like a bit of a your throat's been a bit ravaged. So I just got out this Duritas dry cough liquid.

Not sponsored. Not sponsored. And Tony goes, you're not going to fucking drink that, are you? I did not say that. I did not say you're not going to drink that. You said you're not going to raw dog that, are you? Yeah. As in, are you just going to have that on its own? Because I need to wash medicine away because I hate the taste. Before I went like a Duratarsen tonic, like a little spritzer.

You need a chaser. Or just mix it in. No, because then it would- Mix it in with some soda, a bit of lime, maybe a bit of Geribor. Geribor? What am I trying to say? Shambord? Shambord? Shambord?

Yeah. Why would you put shambord in a gin? Do you do that? No, you might do it with cough syrup. It's just the thing you mix with things. I don't know. That was the first random spirit I thought of. Sure.

How do you take it? I have to have like orange juice. So I've got like two hands. I've got juice and orange juice. And I go, juice, medicine, juice. Because I can't have the taste hit my tongue because it makes me feel so sick. I just got juice and orange juice and I go, juice, medicine, juice. Because I can't have the taste hit my tongue because it makes me feel so sick. I just hate the taste of it.

Do you want to cheers me? Nah. Okay, you've just taken a shot of medicine and you're just going to live the rest of your life now. Yeah. Nah. Normal or nah, nah. Nah, nah, nah, nah. Okay okay do you want some water to at least wash it down with no it's actually quite nice i'm it's annoying that i can't have more than 10 mils i'd have that on rocks

can you give me the most austral oh, no. Oh, no. Normal or nah? No. When you can't be bothered unstacking the dishwasher, you accidentally deliberately put a dirty dish in there that dirties up the rest of the stuff and you say, oh, no. Oh, no. Because it's dirty there now. We'll have to put on another cycle.

I'm going to have to sit on the couch. And then you don't have to unstack. Yeah, yeah, yeah it's dirty there now. We'll have to put on another cycle. I'm going to have to sit on the couch. And then you don't have to unstack. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Normal or nah? Oh, no. Oh, I'd never do that. This was sent in by Tony's boyfriend, Torbs. Yeah, it is not.

I have done that in the past. Define past. In the past, Define past. In the past it has occurred and it is that awful like weaponised incompetence thing like oh I'm so sorry I didn't know that the other staff oh was that all clean?

Is it true or false that you said oh no and Torbs is like I saw you open it, see it clean and look around over your shoulder, shrug, and just throw a spaghetti bowl in. Oh, no. Oh, have I? Oh, no.

Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry. That's what it was. All right. Finally, Charlotte Jones says, My husband eats both the skin and the inside of oranges. He says the combination of sweet and bitter go nicely together. Is he normal, our Charlotte, or have I married a complete psychopath? Nah.

Psychopath. Wouldn't the... It's not really about the... Because obviously you have orange zest. Because you do use it. Because you can use that. But not the actual skin. That would be really tough.

The texture of it would be awful. You know when you get an orange that's really pithy? Like it's got heaps of the white white pith on it and you're like. If I've had an orange that's been like sliced and it's in a cocktail, it's a very fruity cocktail-y. It is, yeah. We'll pop one in your medicine. Maybe it's in like a sangria or maybe just like one slice of,

I actually don't mind orange in a gin. Oh, yeah, that is nice. Blood orange, if you've done that, yeah. They have to be on special though because they're like $9 each otherwise. So after drinking the thing, I'll eat the whole orange and the beer, just throw it down. Because it's soaked in the stuff. It's like broken down though.

If you just like, I'm sorry to say raw dog again, but if you just like raw dog in an orange, like, okay, what I want to know, okay, are you doing it like an apple? Are you biting into an orange like that? Or are you like cutting it? You have to cube it, right? Rip the little pieces apart? Well, if you're slicing it the way that you would like at footy training

and then just chomping on the whole thing. That's more tolerable than appling it. Yeah, but if you're appling it, you're just going to get a mouthful of the skin. Nah. Nah. Hey, it's Harry from Perth and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive shout out to a few of our champion tapions from the Patreon.

Saskia Broadwell. Love to see it, Saskia. Thank you. Melissa Whitehead. Cassie Colomore. Amina Nadeem Rahman. Cassie Mitchell. And Isabel Carpenter.

Thank you so much for being part of our Patreon and joining us on the live stream over the weekend. Thanks for joining us. You fucking love to see it. What an incredible experience. Is it fair to say that your relationship, the royal you. Your relationship. People's relationship. The royal relationship.

Is it fair to say people's relationship with their hairdresser is one of the strangest relationships ever? You are best friends. You know everything about them. They know everything about you. You tell them your deepest, darkest secrets. But the moment you leave the salon, they're dead to you for the next six weeks yep can you think of any other like you're either friends or you're not yeah usually but with them it's like this strange experience a really deep connection especially i think like you would go to the

hairdresser a lot more often than i would like because you go for a little touch up on the side it's never a big job it's just yeah maintenance but it takes you know 40 minutes or not not even 15 oh sure so it takes 15 minutes right right if i go to the hairdresser it takes four hours but i go like every like four months so it's like in that four hours, you can burn through a lot of topics really quick. Actually, that's a good point because if I went every day for 15 minutes, by the time you do how you go on work today,

how's the weather? That's it. It's light and bright and you're out. Yeah. And it's kind of daily chat. Yeah. But I mean, there's only so long you can be like, so what are you watching on Netflix?

You know, or like, are you working after this? Or, you know, like so what are you watching on netflix you know or like are you working after this or you're not like there's actually not really a lot of like ambled chit chat you can do with someone over four fucking hours yeah i went to a hairdresser not a barber oh not last time time before and the it's different isn't it well i reckon these guys were in for a six hour blonde hair fucking all day thing and they might have been three and a half four hours so by the time i walked in they were deep and so i've walked into the salon i was like so then what did she say yeah and i'm sitting there fucking telling it's because one of them's got issues at work

and so the hairdresser's like fucking tell me everything girl and they're just like hold and i'm just sitting there i'm like, did you want a drink, sir? Yeah, I'll get a fucking cup of tea right over here. Yeah, and some popcorn because I'm watching what's going on over here. Yeah. So the day before the live stream, I got a haircut. You looked sharp as well. Sharp as a tack.

And during the live stream, I was offered two hours sleep in exchange for Tony shaving my head. And I haven't regretted it for a second, A, because I needed the sleep, but I think I'm enjoying a bit of a shaved head moment. It looks genuinely amazing. Thank you. I was very apprehensive about this. You were. More than me.

I was because I was just like, oh, like you're deciding something that is like going to affect you beyond this portion of time. Like, yeah, right now, like fucking do whatever you want to me. But then when you wake up from your sleep on the Monday, do you go, that's still part of my life, even though that happened last week? Well, I went to do my hair before I left this morning and was like, ah, time's over.

Already done. See you later. Marie Kondo-ing your life. But, yeah, so i was very nervous and also because um you know the the um what am i gonna say here the um the grounds of what you had to do made it a bit more dicey than potentially just going oh oh, shave my head, easy. There are a few more stipulations that made me think, oh, maybe not. Maybe not. Maybe not.

Do you think the haircut I had the day before will go down in history as one of the great wastes of money of our time? There hasn't been a bigger waste of money since like, remember when you got that paddle board? That wasn't a waste of money. It wasn't. Gave us a lot of good content on this show. It's true.

And also, I am going to use it. I did buy Melissa the new paddle board, but it's too cold in Melbourne at the moment. Yeah, you're right. And actually jokes are's not like it is actually way too cold. It's actually too cold. So thank you, everyone. So this morning on the way into the studio, I went to – have I told you about the little bakery in Eltham

that just does the best coffee and it does like – Is this the Gold Miner Cafe? No. It's like this old French guy that does like old school sourdoughs. Like he's an old school baker with like his old fancy French recipes. So if you get like some fresh bread and a coffee from down there in the morning. Oh my gosh. So anyway, it's next to the place where I got my hair cut the other day.

Oh no. Yep. So the guy that cut my hair, and he's only cut my hair once before. I don't like, no, because we've said before, I usually, you know, if I'm in Richmond, I'll go to Richmond. Your hairdresser agnostic. He's whoever I'm near at the time. Yeah.

And so I don't really know this guy. Which is weird to me. Yeah. We've discussed this. So I'm in the line for a coffee. And guess who stands behind me? Now. Sorry, hang on. Whoa, God. Now. Sorry, hang on.

Whoa, God. Yeah. So he cut my hair, would have been last Thursday, a week ago. And a week later, he runs into me with a shaved head. Now, for a guy, if you've just got a haircut, what a shaved head means is you've fucked my haircut and fucking just get rid of it all factory reset 101 i'll start again yeah get my best friend tony to buzz my head off and do you think he'd believe me if i said oh i traded it for two hours sleep no what are you talking about because what an elaborate elaborate lie. So here's the thing. I did a

live stream for 50 hours. He's like, aren't you an account? What? Yeah. And it's like when people go, oh, you're not wearing that shirt that I bought you. And you go, oh, I ate it. What are the odds of that? And they go, well, probably pretty low. Like, is that really what happened? You know,

you go, yeah, well, Tony had to buzz it off with some clippers from Kmart. And yeah, so good to see you though. Could you tidy this up? Well, I can't go back to him for the tidy up, can I? I'm going to have to go somewhere else. And I do need to get a tidy up. Not that you didn't do a fantastic job. No, I think I did a pretty good job.

No, you yourself said, oh, now that I've seen a couple of different angles and in the light, you know. Yeah, well, because I did it at, you know, hadn't slept in 40 hours or something. No, you did a great job. But jokes aside, it does need to tidy up. It looks really good. But, yeah, you definitely can't go back to the same guy. So guess what he says. No, he said something.

Yeah, he's right behind. Why didn't you just say, like, no, don't you know that Ryan's adopted and I'm his long-lost brother and I look really good with a shaved head and he wouldn't? I'm his long-lost French brother. That's why good with a shaved head, and he wouldn't. I'm his long-lost French brother. That's why I'm at the French place. Ho, ho, ho, ho, French. Oh, yes.

My brother. Oui, si, mignon. Si, si, mignon. Yeah. Or si, si, your mignon. Filet mignon. And he's like a – see, if I was from France, he would have been maybe Middle East.

Sure. Maybe South Asian. Yeah. Fresh as fuck, though, he would have been maybe Middle East. Sure. Maybe South Asian. Yeah. Fresh as fuck, though, this guy. Oh, he's a barber. Yeah. And then he just goes, not a fan of the cut, bro. He did not.

Oh, a goat ate it. Goat ate it. Ah, goat ate it. Raw dog and cough syrup. I don't know who I am. I'm French. And I just went, nah, just felt like it. And then he goes, do you know you've missed?

And I go, I know I've missed a bit. And then I got my coffee and left. And that was just, there was no conclusion. It was just like, yeah. I'm not a fan of the cup, bro. So do I burn down the whole town of Eltham? Yeah. That's not good.

Can I go to the French coffee place again? No, you're lucky that you don't live in my apartment building. That would be the talk of the town, the Facebook group. I don't want to go into the Elf and Freo Facebook group. Far out, though. But I'm happy with the job. Thank you very much. Oh, mate.

Anytime. Anytime. You love to say it? Yeah. I've got a message here from Meg Moo on our Patreon. She sent this through. I wasn't sure where to put the start the fucking blog, so I'll message it.

Great option. Great. Perfect. That's start the fucking blog energy. That is start the... I'm just going to do it and send it, and who cares where it goes. I finally started my Etsy shop

selling a Harry Potter-inspired advanced potion kit. I made it for a friend's birthday as a gift and posted pictures in a Facebook group, like a craft Facebook group that I in a Facebook group like craft Facebook group that I'm in um being like oh don't you think this is cool and everyone was like will you sell that because that's really cool um anyway so she was so stoked that people liked it so she created and opened an Etsy shop and now um she's selling like the empty little bottles of stuff that she made for people like fill themselves whether it's's with alcohol or tea or bath products,

like cough syrup. Duratuss, yeah. If you were interested in that. But yeah. And Meg says, thank you guys for helping me start the fucking blog. You love to see it. I do love to see that. Good job, Meg.

I tell you one of the great indicators you might be onto a good thing for a business, not to put my old small business hat on. No, love it. We have a business. We do have a business. We didn't. We good thing for a business. Not to put my old small business hat on. No, love it. We have a business. We do have a business. We didn't. We did not have a business, but now we do. And I will not be accused of that we did, but now we do.

If you do something and your friends love it, it's like a little tester. They're almost like a test audience. They're like your little guinea pig so this guy that became a really great football blogger he every sunday after the melbourne demons played wrote this big fiery funny email and sent it to his melbourne demons friends oh that's cool and they would all look forward to like oh what's alex gonna type about that and then then he after a while people like oh our friends friends are loving this why don't you like

make a blog or something and by the time he started the fucking blog literally yeah he'd already done 15 posts because he was doing it every week

and so you hear that with like I used to make brownies for my friends and my friends were like you're fucking good at this you're good at this you know what I mean

like it's a great gateway to do stuff well I test my threads on you and I love it yeah and I send you a little message and I go, what do you reckon? And you go, yep, that's a thread. And I don't reply for three days.

And then you post it anyway. But I post it anyway. And then you go, maybe not on that one. I go, yeah, it didn't go great. I have already posted it. I get to love to see it. And when I read this earlier in the Tony and Ryan Facebook group, I don't know if it's because I was tired or just like in a zone,

I was just having a cute time in May, but like I almost cried. Aww. It's from Maddie Rose. Hi, Maddie. It's actually M-A-T-T-I-E. Maddie. Yeah. So when I said Maddie, it's not because I'm an abogun Australian.

I think that, is that how we'd say it? Maddie. Yeah. For the first time in the 31 years of my life, I went to the beach with my husband and rocked a bikini. Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. This is a massive feat for me.

I've always been very self-conscious. I've got an autoimmune condition and it affects my skin. And so, you know, lots to feel self-conscious about. I could only imagine you've got more than one thing to worry about. Yeah. But with my husband's encouragement and help over the last few years i finally did it and i felt absolutely amazing and freeing to realize i'm finally becoming comfortable with my own body oh maddie that's amazing yeah and i think it's just that when you realize like no one gives a fuck what you're doing like No one's looking at you.

And I mean that in the nicest way. That's incredible. Well done, Maddie. What a great day. That's huge. Thanks for sharing that with us. Thank you. Tomorrow, speaking of beautiful things, I've got a new segment called Who's the Fuckhead?

Great. Which I'd like to test with you. I mean, luckily the show's already called Tony and Ryan. We've already given you the answer to the question. Tick, tick. Next question. We'll chat to you tomorrow.

Love you, bye.