Toni and Ryan - Hypothetical Party Foul

Episode Date: April 4, 2024

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Welcome to the podcast. I'm Ryan. This is Dr. Arthur Tony Lodge. Hello. And we are calling the Sunshine Coast. This is Sarah. BrisVegas. Wait, no, not Brisbane. Where's Sunshine Coast? Just above Brisbane. Oh, is that the Gold Coast? Sarah! Hey!

Sarah, sorry, I just have to explain for the 87th time the difference between the Sunshine Coast and the Gold Coast because they sound like the same fun place, but they're very different. Gold Coast because they sound like the same fun place, but they're very different. There's no, there's like probably an hour and a half distance between. Yeah. So it goes Brisbane, Sunshine Coast, then Gold Coast. No.

Oh. Good. I get it. Yeah, great. Sarah, what have we interrupted you doing this morning? I'm sitting in the work car park. Are you late? I'm late with my shift, but I, oh, sorry. Are we holding you work car park. Are you late? I'm late for my shift, but I, oh, sorry.

Are we holding you up? Are we making you late? No, no, no. I'm all good. I was worried I wouldn't be able to get to work on time and approve, so I just went early. My kind of girl. Yeah.

My kind of girl. I approve that. Yeah. Well, Sarah, will you approve today's episode? Definitely. Sick. Hey, it's Sarah from the Sunshine Coast and I approve this podcast. The polite thing to do when attending parties or a person is attending party at your place there's a few new faux pas that we need to consider we mentioned yesterday on the pod for

example tony say you want to leave a party and you go oh i'll say goodbye to the host oh yeah but they're deep in some combo and you're kind of like do i so that's when you start clicking click at them yeah see ya is that is that when you do the smoke bomb? But, you know, there's like that thing where you feel like it's the polite thing to do. Absolutely. To like say, thanks so much for having us. Great to see you. Great to, thanks for having us over.

But you know how sometimes a little bit with that you go, have we stayed long enough? Yeah. Like there's a little bit of like, oh, are we leaving too early? Well, the other night all the cousins were at mum's house having dinner. Yeah. But dinner for us is really hard at the moment because Mabel's bedtime is pretty early. Yeah.

And, you know, we've got a routine and we do this and then we do bath. And so we rocked up and we're like, hey, how are you all going? Great. We've got to go. I reckon with a baby though, free pass. It is great. It is great. Like that's handy, isn't it?

Oh, what was that? Mabel's need to go. Okay, mate. Oh, yeah. Oh, sorry. Be right there. Like that's handy, isn't it? Oh, what was that? Mabes need to go. Okay, mate. Oh, yeah. Oh, sorry. Be right there. She just said, yeah. Anyway, I need help from you, Tony,

and you listening on a few little taboos. Tap taboos. Tap taboos. Well, that doesn't sound right. Don't say tap taboos. First of all, Lorna Page. Hi, Lorna. No relation to Jane.

I love my Lorna. It's looking good at the moment. We've had some rain. My Lorna's. Hi, Lorna. No relation to Jane. I love my Lorna. It's looking good at the moment. We've had some rain. My Lorna's looking bloody good. She posted in the Tony and Ryan podcast Facebook group, what's something that disproportionately upsets you? I'll go first. Ooh.

Socks that are just slightly too tight, but you only realise once you've left the house. Fucks your whole day. Fucks your whole day. Fucks your whole day. And people go, I get it. I've got mine as well. Now, before we begin, things that disproportionately piss you off. I know you're trying really hard and I'm very proud of you.

Well, I was just going to say, didn't we all have fun yesterday in the office when we decided that this is what we were going to talk about so old uncle ryan decided to try and type the word disproportionately into the planning doc yeah and his spelling didn't land anywhere near its intended destination did it it wasn't didn't we all have fun we did have fun we all have fun he was missing about six p's and only has three and it turns out the word disproportionately has that word within it three or four times. You look at it and you go, you've said the same word three times there. Yeah, it's actually an optical illusion.

It's good for the brain. It is a mirage. A Mitsubishi mirage. So when you hear me pause every time before saying disproportionately. What if we change it? Do you want to change it to overly? What about if we give it a nickname like dispo yep what dispo upsets you dispo upset oh yep it's the portuguese version yeah we're doing

the italian version of this didn't we have fun yeah we did at no one's expense disproportionate fun dispo no dispo sounds like what you would put in a dishwasher. I think it sounds like an Aspro, but for dickheads. Is that the one you take? Yeah. Yeah. Can I get an Aspro? Oh, no, that guy's a fuck. Nah, he's a Dispro.

Oh, he's a Dispro, mate. Trust me, it's all good. What have we landed on? What are we calling it? Or like a Serbian Disco. Yeah, or like, I think it sounds like a dishwasher cleaner. You want to go to DisproTech. DisproTech.

That's a funny play on words for you. Seriously, going to Europe and them saying the words DiscoTech, are you guys taking the piss or do you actually call it that? Is that what it's really called? Yeah, they do call it that. DiscoTech. Can you imagine though if you were talking to some sweet honey here in Australia and you said, we'll go to the DiscoTech

and they'd laugh you right out of there. Yeah. Yeah, I would. I know of there. Yeah. Yeah. I would. I know I would. That was pretty funny, mate. If you could just drop me home, that'd be fantastic. Erin.

Hi. Oh, no. Is this Erin from yesterday with the fucking dog out the window face? Sorry. Don't have another crack at that sentence, mate. Fucking hell. Hang on. Are you something in your eyes?

And you know that no one can think when there's something in their eyes. Yeah, hang on. Everyone, pull over. Take five. Pull over. If you're in the gym, stop exercising. Grab a seat. Tony's got something in her eye.

We'll all wait. I think it's okay. Get back on the road. Get back on the... No, you've... What's happened? It's a premature return. is there a bit of dust i don't know no i'm okay is it an antihistamine thing oh you know what do i need some potato

do i need some potato gems medical gems yeah yeah um no i need another lint bunny they're probably really cheap by now it was a week ago erin when the only hair tie you have is just slightly too loose and you subconsciously end up redoing your ponytail every five minutes all fucking day doesn't that slightly annoying thing just fuck you right up it really does and it's always a day when you just like can't be dealing with fuss. You know when some days like you just can't be fucking dealing with fuss? That is always on those days.

That is what I would liken to like a sock sliding into your shoe. Yeah. See, I'm trying to give you like a. I stop wearing ankle socks because the. They just slide off. Yeah. The threat. The possibility of a slide off. The whisper of a slide. Pull just slide off. The threat. The possibility of a slide off.

The whisper of a slide. Pull it halfway up my calf, dog. Just don't get down my shoe. Yeah, yeah. So I'm trying to give you something you can relate to because obviously you don't wear your hair up. Not today. It's not long. Yeah, you've worn it down.

It looks lovely. I top knotted once. Yeah, I can see that. That is someone who says discotheque and needs a disc, bro. Yeah, it's not for me. The moho got long enough that someone was like, I reckon I could tie one on there, and they did, and we did. Yeah, nah, the hair tie, though, it's the same

if it's just a little bit too tight as well and you can't get it around a second time. So you're in limbo. You're in between. Our producer, Sophie, she's fucking grunting over there. She knows what I'm saying. Yeah. I'm with you, girlfriend.

Solidarity, sister. Kristen. Hi, Kristen. When washing your face and a drop. Don't. And a drop or two of water rolls down your hand. I'm going to be sick. Down your arm and into your sleeve.

Kristen says, it shouldn't fuck me off that much. It's so uncomfortable. It's so awful. A little drop on your elbow? I fucking hate it so much. They actually now sell these little like, you know, that like towel fabric scrunchies so that when you're washing your face in the sink the water gets stuck in the scrunchie

so it's a reverse glove is what you want yeah yep a glove but with the hands free keep your your hands wet yeah but yeah arms dry and i've always said that. Yeah. Yeah. But they sell those now for this specific purpose because, yes, I agree, that is the worst. It's the worst. That's why I do everything in the shower now. It's like why I brush my teeth in the shower because I just can't be getting water riffraff all over about me. I'm not a shower toothbrusher but I think I'm open to it because now I'll brush

my teeth and spill the toothpaste on like a clean t-shirt. Or what you're about to like jump into bedding. Yeah. And then you just know the smell. I'm going to just sit in this all night. Yeah. And it's so rank. And then, you know, it's just going to go through your whole bed.

Yeah. Yeah. Cherie says. Hi Cherie. When someone kisses me on the cheek, I feel the need to kind of like wipe it off because I hate the feeling of kiss remnants, says Cherie, but I don't want to look rude. So I walk around all day feeling like lopsided. You can feel the kiss.

Because I can feel the makeup and the lipstick and just the funk of this person's face. Yeah, that feels like an aunt kissing you on the cheek. Yeah, it's always an aunt. Do you know what I mean? Like you're at a birthday or Christmas or a funeral or something and they give, oh, give me a big kiss and then, oh. You've got to walk around with your face on my face all day.

Yeah, the feeling of it is knackies. I don't like that either. I've never thought about that, but that's fucking fucked. I'm dispro upset about that. Ash Young. Hot Ash. What fucks me off is my inability to ever cook the correct amount of pasta. I'm going to.

I've got one thing to say. Tony's got a point of order. The more you cook, the more you eat. Like you never have too much, but sometimes you eat too much. Remember when you and Torbs went through that phase where you were eating a bag of potatoes a night because Torbs just kept cooking them? Because he just kept cooking them.

Yeah. No, I'm not going to leave those. That looks about right. And potatoes, they don't keep, you know, like they don't, you can't reheat a potato effectively they're never as good the next time um yeah but the thing with pasta i think like you just i mean you just eat more don't you you never just leave it sitting there remember once you or it doesn't have enough sauce yeah i said that i had like a bit of meat and like one potato

and you went one potato but there's 12 in the bag yeah what do you what do you do with the rest of them you're eating those as well uh finally holly hi holly your shoelace on one foot is ever so slightly tighter than the shoelace on the other foot and all day you just feel like you're walking sideways one foot feels like it's flapping in the breeze while the other feels like it's in a straight jacket. Yeah, I do know what this feels like because you think about it the whole day. And every time you go, oh, I'll fix that, something happens

and it distracts you, then you don't, then you go, I didn't fix that shoe lace. Do you know what really sends me when, like, you've done wash... You've done washing, and I know that this is actually really dangerous like for babies, but when you've done washing and you get like hair, like a tumbleweed of hair stuck in a sock and then you feel the hair on your toes, like it wraps around your toe and it gets like tighter and tighter, which apparently is actually

really dangerous for babies and they can't fix it. What? So it just like pulls off on a little toe beans. Yeah. Just like. Just strangles it. Pops off. Yeah.

So that's quite dangerous. And I'd just look out for that. But all good. Like all good. I'm just saying that annoys me. Another thing to keep my wife up at night. Yeah, exactly right. Sorry to all the parents that I've just destroyed their weekend.

Yeah. Have a great time, everyone. Check your socks, team. Hey, it's Sarah from the Sunshine Coast, and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive shout-out to a few of our champion tapas over at our Patreon. All the names, though, of all tiers are scrolling along the bottom of the screen at the moment.

But a few of our champion tapas, Lindsay Goyette. Thanks, Lindsay. Thanks, Goyette. Was that not? I liked it. Danielle Parker. Oh, I know her. Phoebe Beckett.

Good on you, Phoebs. Michael Scouten and Madison Price. Oh, can we get a price on Madison? All three. And you judged me. Yeah. Sorry. For the Goyot.

Are we Goyot? Are we Goyot? We said before you're at a party, you're about to leave. The guest is bailed up in a conversation. Do you interrupt or do you smoke bomb? Yeah. And is interrupting rescuing them from a conversation they maybe don't want to be in?

That's actually a factor I hadn't considered. Maybe you are doing them a favour. Maybe by being like, oh, mate, we were just about to head off and he goes, oh, I'm so sorry, just got to go see these people out and you fucking rescued them from like a hell shit chat? Yeah. Because sometimes it's hard to tell whether it's a shit chat or a good chat.

Well, our trick is that you go. I just click at everybody. You're like to the waiter when you're at the other, get me out of here. Yeah, I don't want to be here with this person. Next question. And this is an old classic, but you take six beers to a party. You drink three.

Yeah. What do you do? Yeah. Back in the day, I think we're like, so I'm going to go through a few scenarios in my mind. These are all hypothetical. All hypothetical. In the beginning of time, I think when you're young

and I'm talking like, you you know maybe if you were hypothetically drinking at a house party underage or something yeah close to age you know close to close enough um but you're like you've spent 20 on a four pack of udls yeah that was all the money you had in the world for the whole week and you drank two you're taking the two with you because you have them for next week especially when you're 18 you're like i'll put them in the fridge yeah yeah like i'll hang on to those and that's like a lot of money that you've spent yeah on on alcohol yep as uh just a side note here in australia rtds are very expensive they are because most people would be like they're not that expensive in australia the tax is crazy on um what do they call it

alco pops alco pops yeah um on like yeah sugar water for with vodka in it and stuff yep Their tax is crazy on, what do they call it, Alcopops? Alcopops, yeah. On like, yeah, sugar water with vodka in it and stuff. Yep. So back in the day I'd probably take it definitely and now if I took beers or something to a party I'd probably go like, oh, if they were in like my own esky or cooler bag, I'd just grab the bag and take that with me. But if they were in a big communal esky or cooler bag, I'd just grab the bag and take that with me. But if they were in a big communal esky, I'd probably just like sacrifice them to the party gods.

I think craft beer has changed the game because everyone's got their own specific likes and tastes and needs and whatever. Because say back in the day, everyone's just drinking Carlton Draft, a couple extras, all good. So we had a, for New Year's, had a party. Yeah. And then the next day there's like, oh, there's a random wheat beer. There's a high this, something that.

There's a ginger beer with raspberry. And it was just like all these random singles. I'm like, we're just not going to fucking drink. Like, we're just going to sit there until that guy comes back next time. And so this is what I was about to say to Flip It. When I was younger, if people left alcohol behind at a house party, I'd be like, fuck yeah, I'll drink that next week or tomorrow night or whatever.

But now, as an adult, I'm like, can you please take it with you because I'm not going to drink it and I don't want your shit alcohol in my house. Or an precious fridge space. Yeah, like I don't have that much room in my fridge. I don't have an outdoor bar fridge. Agreed, agreed. Yeah, well, don't fuck with me. I don't have an outdoor bar. I don't have that much room in my fridge. I don't have an outdoor bar fridge. Agreed. Agreed. Yeah. Well, don't fuck with me.

I don't have an outdoor bar. I don't have an outdoor. I've got the extension cable, but I don't have the fridge. No, there is an issue. The issue being there is, we're not sure. For a bit of context, Ryan gifted me, gifted me, an outdoor bar fridge. That has not happened yet.

Was that for Christmas last year? Yeah. Well, for context, the year before that, I gifted you a photo shoot with Pippa and I'm still here to see the photo. So let's not play the who does who, who with the who, who. Are we getting into the photo shoot chat? No, we're not getting into that.

Thank you very much. What we will get into, though, is that. The precious space. No, no. There is dispute. Don't you fucking throw a, no. Sorry. Please let me defend myself.

The fridge space, though, that is a pain in the ass. People leave shit behind and you go, fuck, I'm not going to eat the rest of your tiramisu. Can you take it home with you? There is dispute at Tony's house with the outdoor bar fridge that water might get into the electrical because it's outside. My house is pretty waterproof, mate. No, because the bar fridge is outside.

So if we're running a cable through the grass and it gets rained on and you electrocute yourself to death, I'm just looking out for your health yeah that is nice actually and i will cop that yeah all right hypothetically yeah hypothetically hypothetically every sunday night i go someone goes ryan uh this week i will actually avoid the gluten because you know it makes your tummy hurt oh yeah and you know you rev yourself and i'm guessing a lot of people go i oh, I'm going to eat right this week or whatever and, like, you know. Or you go, God, it gets to Friday every week. I feel like shit.

Yeah. I'm starting on Monday. Yeah. Yeah. So hypothetically I go to mum's house, grandma's there, go around with Mabel. We've got all the generations. We're hanging out for Easter, having some hot cross buns.

Oh, nice. Good and free? No, but I was like, I'll cop one for Easter. And I'll just shit myself and that's okay. I'm going home this afternoon in the privacy of my own house and I'll shit myself there. Yeah. But then after Easter, I'm back on.

I'm back on, yeah. And I think Easter like, you know. But yeah, blow out. Yeah, exactly. But also like it's fun catching up with people. Yeah. Isn't it? And that's nice.

So then I'm leaving and mum goes, because mum's away at the moment because she was leaving after Easter. She's always fucking somewhere. Yeah, she's always fucking somewhere. I think she's in the Middle East now. She's literally like always off enjoying herself. It's lovely. So she goes, take these hot cross buns with you.

Oh, I'm just going to throw them out because I'm going away this week. The classic. Yeah. And I go, you think you're doing me I'm going away this week, the classic, yeah. And I go, you think you're doing me a favour by offering the buns. My sister does this. But what's going to happen is I'm going to go home after making a vow to not eat any gluten and then I'm going to eat six hot cross buns a day all week because you've fucking loaded me up. Preach it, sister.

So how do you say, because mum, like she thinks I'm trying to be polite. Yeah, yep. And I'm not. I can't be trusted with the shit in their hands. Yeah, we will just eat it. So my sister does this. She's like her love language is like doing things for other people. Like this is her whole thing.

Like she loves acts of service and feeding people. Like she loves cooking. She loves baking. And now I just say, Lib libby i'm not taking that we will eat it yeah i'm just honest i'm like if i take this um so i made a hot cross bun like bread and butter pudding for for dinner with them on the weekend like for easter it was fucking gnarly it was so good and then we ate like so there was like 12 hot cross buns in the thing. We all had one each.

That was six. So half of it was left. And she was like, oh, take that home with you. And I was like, oh, no, no, no, no. You guys enjoy it because I'm like I don't want to fucking take it home because I'll eat it. That one lasts the night. If I leave it here, though, you guys have to eat it and wash the dish.

Yep. That's your problem. Yep. I'm leaving that here. And she goes, oh, you don't have to. Like, it was so good. And I go, no, no, no, you guys keep it. And she went, oh, okay.

And I went, sucker. Good luck cleaning that dish, you fucking idiot. Yeah, there's heaps of sugar in there. It's going to take ages to clean. So I think that you've just got to be honest and go, if I eat one more hot cross bun, I will die from gluten overdose. Yeah. But, yeah, you think you do the dance, don't you?

But I was like, mum only half listens to most stuff. So when I go, I actually don't want it, she goes. Just take it. So here it is. Oh, Ryan, take it. Mabel will have it. You go, she can't eat that. She can't eat it.

You go, okay. Yeah. That's a classic Mandy. That is a Mandy special actually. Yeah, that really is. Our final hypothetical. Final hypothetical. Yeah. Yeah. That's a classic Mandy. That is a Mandy special actually. Yeah, that really is. Our final hypothetical. Final hypothetical. Purely hypothetical.

As has been this whole conversation. Hypothetically. Hypothetically. Say you're a tarpa that gets invited to a corporate box with Tony and Ryan. Hypothetically. Okay. Yeah. Sorry, I'm just trying to imagine this.

Yeah. Considering it's free drinks all day and food and stuff. Fuck, that's a good deal. That's a great deal in the corporate box. Hypothetically, would you then decide at the end of the day to steal a full bottle of whiskey and make a run for security from it when you're a guest of a podcast? Hypothetically?

Yeah. I mean, no. I mean, no comment. No, no, no, no. I mean, no comment. Yeah. Cool, cool, cool. Cool. Cool. Yeah. Interesting. Great, great, no, no. I mean, no comment. Yeah. Cool. Cool. Yeah.

Cool. Cool. Yeah. Interesting. Great, great, great, great. What made you think of that? I was just throwing some hypotheticals around, party fowls and whatnot. I've got a You Love To See here.

Please. Lily Melville shared this on our You Love To See It thread in our Facebook group. I've actually sent you the photo in a text. Lily says, today is my baby boy's 15th birthday. He got a nice juicy bone for his birthday. And you can see it. We'll pop the picture up on the screen and in the episode thread. He has had a full bone and he is out for the count.

And he's such a sweet old boy. Yeah, he really is. 15. Isn't that amazing? So happy birthday to your little pup for the other day. But I just saw that cute doggy photo and I was like. I hope Bron lasts to 15 and I actually. I hope Pippa lasts to 50 and I die before her.

So I said to BJ last night because he jumped in the bed and was having a cuddle and it was a bit nice. And I said, BJ, if you die before me, I'll kill you. Literally. I think about it sometimes and let's not. Yeah, okay. I'm going to love to see it. Oh, great.

Hypothetically. Tony, you recently told us about the fact that there's a pizza place next door to the Pilates studio. Yes. Which is just, it's rough. Like, help a girl out. Get on board. Get on my side.

Stop making it harder than it has to be. Yeah, yeah. Kim on Twitter, or ex, whatever you call it now, she tweets, I feel your pain, Tony, but I can do you one better. Where I used to live, there was a Baskin-Robbins next door to the Weight Watchers studio. Oh. So, you know, like, I don't know if they even have them anymore,

but back in the day, you'd go to, like, your weekly Weight Watchers meeting and, like, weigh in. But it's like a support group. So you kind of go, oh, I found this blah, that's only three points instead of whatever. So they'd go in, do their thing, and then they'd leave and there's an ice cream dessert store right there. And it's like two shops, that's it.

Oh, you almost, that sounds like a comedy film. It actually does. Like it sounds like. Yeah. It was like the running gag of the whole town. Everyone drives past because like. Two for one. Yeah does. Like it sounds like. Yeah. It was like the running gag of the whole town. Everyone drives past us. Two for one. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah. It's a toughie, but stick it out. But, Kim, thanks for sharing that with us. Yeah. And shout out to the Pizza Pilates. Still think Pizza Pilates.

I think it's a really. I said to the owner the other day, I was like, you should see if you can go into business with them. Yeah. Offer a class and a pie or whatever. I don't know. And she was like, that's not a bad idea. Yeah.

Have a great day, everyone. Enjoy your weekend. Yeah. What are you doing this weekend? Probably baking some sourdough, I reckon. Yeah, I think that might be on the cards. All right. Look out.

Yeah. Catch you on Monday. Love you. Bye.