Toni and Ryan - I love your body

Episode Date: December 11, 2022

MORE HARROWING I LOVE YOU TALES! And we chat about family Christmas classic The Santa Clause. Love ya!!! Toni xoxo Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Plus you can find the links to pre-order Toni's book here! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the podcast. Hello. Author Tony Lodge over there, Vice-Captain of the ship Ryan John over here. Let's call Malachi. Malachi. Malachi. I can't wait to chat to him. Hello?

Malachi! Oh my, no way. Oh my God. Oh, we'll believe it because Ryan keeps calling you Malachi. He does not, but will you approve the podcast Malachi? Oh, not anymore. That's fair enough, actually. Yes, I approve this podcast.

Oh, great. I was going to say, what if I told you that he was calling you Malachi, actually, but you've approved it anyway. It's a two-line contact. Hi, this is Malachi from Sydney and I approve this podcast. Alright, so welcome. And recently, Tony, you generously shared the beautiful story about when you and Torbs first said I love you. Well, when I first said it.

Yeah. It wasn't reciprocated in the beginning. Well, you both said it. There was just a few months in between saying it and different levels of sobriety. Yes. And different intentions. And did I plan on saying this or was I drunk at 2 a.m. on New Year's Eve? Yeah.

And did I even remember? The awkward conversation of being like, you did say this, just want to confirm. Are we locking that in? You know when you have a meeting with someone on the phone and then afterwards you get an email from them and it's like, just to lock in exactly what we took, as per our phone call.

That's kind of what I had to do. I had to send Torb, so as per our drunk conversation. And it was beautiful. It was so romantic. the romance of the evening. And I also shared a few harrowing, might I say, I love you tales from people that have told their better half, maybe not so much of a half, that they loved them by accident or, you know, out of nowhere and it didn't go so well.

Do you feel relieved that the more we talk about I love you stories, the more I love you stories get shared? Yes. So you're not alone. I actually did not realise how common it was for people to have like a rough I love you story. Yeah. Like I really didn't know.

Well, who have we got today? Because they just keep coming thick and fast. All right. So Kat, Tapa Kat. Meow. She shared, my pa- Oh, sorry. I've got that thing, you know, when you watch an awkward movie

and you put your face in your jumper? Yeah. That's kind of- Kat says, my partner and I were in bed together, maybe two or three months in. I can't quite remember. And I just had the feeling build up. And I said, goodnight and I were in bed together maybe two or three months in. I can't quite remember. And I just had the feeling build up. And I said, good night, I love you.

So like they weren't even in sexy bed. They were like laying in bed about to fall asleep. And she said, night, love you. Which is like very sweet and normal. And he said, oh, thank you. And she cried herself to sleep. In the bed next to him. In the bed next to him.

Was he just staring at the roof? Because he would have heard the crying and he would have felt the awkwardness. Even if, you know, when someone's crying next to you and they shake. Yeah. Like, imagine if they were on bunk beds, the bunk beds, like, maybe then she shouldn't tell him that she loves him if he's on a bunk bed. I was like, yeah. They're in a college dorm.

Imagine if they weren't in a bunk bed because they're fucking adults. The roommate is upstairs and he's like, love you, Kat, just to, like, break the tension. He loves you too. He struggles sharing his emotions, but he does. You're on the same book but not the same page or whatever. Different chapter. Kat says, I was absolutely devastated.

Then maybe a week or so later he called me after a few bush chook tinnies. So, you know, we're getting the vibe of the evening. Western Australia represents. And said, I love you. Wait, no. I love you. Yeah. I love you.

I love you. And she goes, ha, you love me. I'm taking that. You said it. You said you. Yeah. I love you. I love you. And she goes, ha! You love me! I'm taking that. You were joking. You said it. So I'm taking that. As per our previous conversation. And then they saw each other again like a couple of days later and they said it properly and they've built a home together. They're still together and now they have

two dogs. That is beautiful. Isn't it? I've noticed a trend that it's like, there's the awkward shit one and then there's like we did it properly. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like.

What is properly? Yeah. What's the right way? Or do you not love them? And do you think it's like are you interested that it's mostly women that are saying it first? Yes. Sorry, I've just been just – you're right.

You know how last time we called Torbs? Yeah. Guess who's in the building today? Oh, Bridget's here. Should I get her? Yeah, okay. All right, I'll hold everyone. Hey, Bridget, can you come here real quick?

She's unprepared. She isn't – she's not camera ready. Have a seat. Oh, my God, he's down on one knee. He's proposing. I'm on two knees. But how often do I propose to you? All the time, like every week.

Oh, that's nice. I don't get a new ring every time, though. Oh, fucking hell. He's good for it. He doesn't even have a car. When she says something awesome, I'm like, oh my God, marry me. But I just wanted to say that I love you. Aw, I love you too.

Yes. Oh, that is lucky. Lucky that I love him? I don't understand. Yep. We're talking about the first time that people said I love you to their partners and it's very uncomfortable. But you can go now.

Thank you. Do you remember when you first said it to me? No. Oh. Must have been a beautiful moment. Memorable. Yeah, you were probably a couple of bush chook tinnies in. Is there anything else you'd like to add, Bridget?

Bridget goes, I remember the first time I talked to her because I love you. Anything you'd like to add? No? That's it? Okay. Love you. She's like, fuck no. Okay I love you. Anything you'd like to add? No, that's it? Okay, love you. She's like, fuck no. Okay, love you.

Bye. Okay, your call to Torbs was definitely cuter. It's not a competition though. It's not a competition. It's not a competition. Yeah, so I absolutely love all these I love you stories. Please keep sharing them. You have one you'd like to share?

Julia Morris, who is not Julia Morris, but Julie Morris nonetheless. And this is, I'm going to say cute, but definitely not what you would have hoped for. Oh, okay. We're at a Mexican restaurant. Fuck. Is it one of those ones where the band plays, you know, like when you go to a Mexican restaurant and the mariachi band. Richard and I were at a cafe down the road in Abbotsford and it was Chinese New Year and the dragon, like the drummers came in.

Oh, wow. How cool. Well, yeah, but like they were there for ages and you couldn't hear each other and you're like, did you want the Benedict? What? Like it was. Why would you get a Benedict at a Chinese restaurant? It wasn't a Chinese restaurant.

It was a regular cafe. Oh. On Chinese New Year. Sorry, I thought that you were like, oh, we're there for dim sum. No, we're there on a Saturday morning having brunch and they just rock up. And we're like, I mean, power to you, bro. But I mean, I'm trying to order breakfast and the waitress can't hear me. It's not one of those, but mariachi bands.

Fuck. They can really. Anyway, we's not one of those, but mariachi bands, fuck. They can really... Anyway, we're at a Mexican restaurant, says Julie Morris. I had a massive mouthful of fajita. And you know when you realise too late that you've, like, taken in too much in your mouth and it gets to the point where you're like... I've seen a porno like that as well. But, like, your mouth's so full you can't even chew. Yeah, and you kind of are like, do I try and commit to this

and have the food in my mouth for an uncomfortably long time or do I have to like – Cough it back out a little or take a bit out, give it a chew, then put it back in. Do I have to sacrifice a little bit? So she's having one of those moments and there's so much fajita that it starts like coming out of her mouth involuntarily. So the boyfriend starts laughing his ass off.

Like it's funny. Yeah. Oh, and it would be. And the mariachi band's going. The Chinese dragon's there. So he's laughing his ass off and you know what? Like he starts laughing so hard it causes her to start laughing so hard. And because she's so fucking uncomfortable.

Do you reckon laughing really hard makes it easier or harder? 100% harder. So she can barely breathe. And so it was her boyfriend? Yep. How long had they been together at this time? Well, not long enough to they've said I love you before. Because that is also like pretty awkward in front of like a new person as well.

Yeah, yeah. Like choking, like having a really. Yeah, like taking a big mouthful and you're kind of like, we don't know each other well enough for me to sacrifice a little bit. So when I'm real hungry, I will like have some massive first bites. Yeah. Or like eat five chips at a time. And Bridget's like, no one's going to, like your meal,

like you get to eat all of that. There's no time limit. No one's taking it away. And I'm like, yeah, cool, I'll just eat a little bit. So she's laughing so hard that she cannot chew. And she's got fajita flying all over the place. And while she said that no guacamole came out of her nose, it's getting to that point where she's about to burst,

like something's got to give. And the more she laughs, the more he laughs, and then she sees him laughing his ass off and makes her laugh even more. And he goes, fucking, I love you. Oh. And she, let me read. I was so shocked and stunned and in love and so happy that he said it, but because my mouth was still so full of fajitas,

I couldn't respond or reply because my whole face was full of Mexican food. So he's like, I love you, Joe. And she's got tears rolling down her cheeks. And he's like, oh, my God, are you emotional? She's like, I can't breathe. She's like choking on a bit of corn. I can't breathe. Oh, she's got tears rolling down her cheeks. And he's like, oh, my God, are you emotional? She's like, I can't breathe. She's like choking on a bit of corn. I can't breathe. Oh, she's so in love she can't breathe. No, there is meat in her esophagus.

There will be later. He did love me and it was great. That is lovely. But he admitted later that it probably wasn't the way or the place he would have chosen to say those words for the first time if he had his time again. I love the I love you debrief. Yes. Like because you know that that's happened quite a,

because there's a long time where it's like awkward to kind of like say, like acknowledge again I think. And then when you kind of discuss the I love you story, it's like I think that it probably wasn't until we'd been together for like four or five years when i was like hey that was awkward hey hey that was pretty fucked day like that i was like hey when you said that i was like so gutted so does he acknowledge that now that it oh totally but like i have said to him to torbs my, so we've been together for almost 10 years, he acknowledges that like, yeah, oh, it was a bit awkward, but he stands by it,

which I really respect. I wouldn't want him to say it like when he wasn't ready. Yep, yep. I used to work with a girl who people might remember. I worked on a show called Jason PJ. And PJ and I were really good friends and she shared this story once on air and it's not my story to share but she shared it before so I feel like, it's a copy and paste. Copy and paste.

So PJ is short for Polly. So she went by PJ on air but her name was Polly. Yeah. And she was once in bed with her boyfriend and they're getting like really hot and heavy and they're kissing and they're smooching and they're rubbing each other's bits and, you know, like it's kind of pretty early on in the relationship so you're still like really trying.

Yeah. Yeah. You're still trying. Yeah. You're not at the point where you're like, yeah, cool, just pop it in because I've got to go to bed and put your retainer in. I've got to go to work in ten minutes. Yeah, if we could fucking hurry this up.

So getting really, really hot and heavy and he goes, oh, I love you, Polly, like while they're getting hot and heavy. And she goes, oh, stops everything down and goes, oh, my God, I love you too. So like actually quite nice, like quite a nice moment. And then he kind of sheepishly kind of pulled away. Like she kind of tries to like keep going and he like sheepishly kind of had to pull away. And she's like, oh, my God, he's so emotional that he's, like,

having to stop this because it's, like, such a beautiful moment. And he goes, oh, I didn't say I love you, Polly. He said, I love your body. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

I mean, she's part of her body, her and her body are as one. Is that not the same thing? So he's, like, trying to talk dirty to her. I love it when you do that to me. I love you too. No, no, that's gaslighting. She said, I love you too. Like, she's like, oh, yes, you said you love me.

That's what you said? What did you hear me say? I love your body. But so she's gone straight in, though, with the I love you too. So, like, immediately she's, like, so much more vulnerable because then he's like, oh, no, I didn't say that. And what did she do after that? Well, I think that she was just like.

I love your body as well. Put it in. Yeah, that's what I said. I love your poo. Oh, no, I love you too. I love you too. Put it in right now. She's like, I didn't hear all this.

Fajita, all this Mexican food. The mariachi band there. Fuck. Polly. How did they end up? Oh, yeah, they're not there anymore. Yeah, they've moved on. Yeah.

I don't think he called her back after. I wouldn't be surprised. Yeah, they've moved on. Yeah. I don't think he called her back after that. I wouldn't be surprised. She's a bit clingy. Yeah, she said she loved me on the first day. Is that a weird thing to say or is that a sex thing to say? I love your body. I feel like in the head at the moment, I feel like he'd be like,

oh, I love your body. Yeah. But he obviously kind of mumbled it a little bit or maybe she just wasn't listening or something or misheard. kind of mumbled it a little bit or maybe she just wasn't listening or something or misheard. But, like, that is, like, you think about how vulnerable you're naked. Yep. You're, like, things are happening. In the throes of passion you've said this thing.

And to be fair to PJ as well, like, she probably didn't really mean it. Well, who knows? Well, she didn't want to not say it back. Yeah, but also in the heat of the moment, you fucking do love the person. You might not even know their name, but you fucking love them at that time because your body, like science, is telling you to. Would you, again, in the throes of passion,

especially in like the build-up and the like whatever, would you sort of agree to anything at that point? That's kind of, point. That's great. Yeah. It's like, this is great, isn't it? You're like, yeah. And like, I'm about to like put it in. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. And like that night when I killed that guy, you'll be my alibi and say I was here, right? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because you just anyone. It's your lizard brain. Like you don't have any like.

And I need to borrow your credit card for this thing tomorrow because mine's expired, but I'll pay back tomorrow. That's all good, right? And you're like, yeah, yeah, of course. And can I to borrow your credit card for this thing tomorrow because mine's expired but I'll pay you back tomorrow and that's a good ride. And you're like, yeah, yeah, of course. And can I borrow your brand new Audi? Yes. No, actually. No.

But imagine also correcting someone in that moment. Actually, no, that's not what I said. Yeah, like. Talking about a boner killer. Jesus. Well, can you imagine being like, oh, my God, I love you too. And they're like, oh, that's not what I said. That's the other thing that I can't believe.

Like, did he not want to have sex with her? Because it probably wouldn't have happened after that. She was just going along with him so why did he not then just go along with her? Yeah. Have that conversation after you've finished. Yeah, but then is that more awkward? You know when you said... So you're like, you know how, just before

I said that I love you, I didn't actually say that. I was talking about your body, but thanks. And then, like, get in the shower. Like, how does, like, which one is worse? Now that I've. Poor Ken or less neither. Don't do either of those things. Now that I've jizzed, I will tell you the truth.

Exactly. Yeah, now that I've got my end away, like, I'm willing to be honest with you. I'm also not a pilot and I also don't own a mansion. And this isn't my house. We've got to go. Hey, this is Melissa from Sydney and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. Yeah.

Shout out to a few of our champion tapas over at our Patreon. Catherine Papaghello. Catherine Papaghello. With the Italiano, as easily. Uh, no. Yes. Si. Papaghello pizza. Si, si. Isaac Tim Popsi. Papagella pizza.

Si. Isaac Timonin Hang. Stacey Nansen, thank you so much. Jessica Wardlaw and Zach Namick. The big name. Ah, Zach. The big name. Thank you very much.

Big Z name. All of our champion tarpers, all of our exclusive tarpers, and all of our tarpers and executive tarp officers all get some pretty cool perks. They do. They get to see the regular blog from the desk of Dr. Tony Lodge, which is no longer using the medical disclaimer, which is a real choice. There's a live stream on the 19th. The 19th.

So next Monday. So if you want to watch our Christmas live stream, please sign up to be a champion tarpa before then. They also get to vote on all the movies that we watch. So every Monday we watch a movie and we normally try and let you know on the Friday so you can watch it over the weekend. It's like a cute little date idea for the weekend if you're trying to pick up and tell someone that you love them when your mouth's

full of a fajita. And this week we decided, being our last live week, we would do a Christmas film. Now, the tapas are getting out of control. Every week you say this, though, and I feel like you're turning into the boy who cried wolf. And one day they will say something actually bad and no one will believe you.

So your job is to choose between the movies on the poll. It's a multiple choice question. It is. It's not your job to say what should or should not have been in the poll in the first place. That's not what a multiple choice question is. If you're on a quiz and you're at university and they go, is it A, B, C or D, it's not your job to go, well, actually, I want F.

What about A? Where's J? That's not what they're asking. That is actually, I want F. What about A? Where's J? Yeah. That's not what they're asking. That is a good point. We give five to choose from. Spiro Kate. Where's Bad Santa?

Christy Black. I wanted Bad Santa. Sorry. Imagine going into Bat for Bad Santa. Arlie Ando. Bad Santa. I wanted Bad Santa. Who's going into bat for Bad Santa?

Champion Tarpers, apparently. I also put an option for Falling for Christmas, which is the new Lindsay Lohan movie, which just came out on Netflix. That unfortunately only got 15% of votes. Can I read, though, that Barbara Please, that's her name. Barbara Please. We watched Fall, though, that Barbara, please, that's her name. Barbara, please. We watched Falling for Christmas last weekend, and it actually is a glorious train wreck,

just a truly terrible movie that is wildly entertaining, 10 out of 10 recommend. And I actually wrote in the poll, please choose this one, and people didn't choose it. Yeah. Liana Brutal and Ha Ha Ha said, I actually really loved the new Lindsay Lohan movie. Oh, I can't wait.

I will watch it personally in my own private time. Jesse Martin, no matter who wins, the real winner is Lindsay Lohan and everyone should do themselves a favour and watch it before Christmas. Watch it anyway. Yeah, I've seen it. It's fantastic. Yeah, I definitely, so your wife Bridget said to me, it's trash, you have to watch it.

I will definitely watch it because I love Christmas movies but I also love trashy movies. So what was the winner? What was the score? The movie that won was The Santa Clause with Tim Allen, the original one, 53%. 53%. So quite a large number of votes.

I will say that, and I hate to sound like a Patreon tarpa, but of the five options, I actually gave you quite a few options and some of them didn't make it on there. One of them included The Grinch. Well, we watched it last year. Some of us did. It was selected last year. You fell asleep.

So I thought that The Grinch deserved another chance. A redemption round. Because you fell asleep while watching it. That didn't even make it onto the poll, which is interesting. Yeah, it is very interesting. I feel like. I think someone else might start posting the movie poll. Okay.

Bit of fucking editorial from you. Yeah. You said send me some options. I sent you them and you didn't use them. Options. And I used some of your options. Okay. I opted to use some of your options.

Maybe we should do a week called movies that have won previously that Ryan didn't watch all of. Yeah. Oh, God. How we fit all of them in a poll. We know that you're not watching all the movies, mate. We all know. No.

Well, I watched last night, and I'll tell you how you know I watched it last night is because every year, right? So normally you have nothing to say about the film and now you're coming on with stuff to say. Yeah, I thought it was great. What did you reckon? As technology and graphics and AI and everything else, CGI, get better, it makes the older stuff look worse and worse.

So comical. Even though it obviously hasn't changed. And at the time, you would have gone, fuck, that looks sick. The Santa Claus came out in 1994. So, okay, let me tell you how it works, right? So normally you will film something like in real life. Yeah. And then you'll use the thing, like the graphics and the computers

to like move stuff based on the real thing. Yeah. But what the Santa Claus did is they went, hmm, this scene's a bit hard. Why don't we just pretend we're a cartoon for the next five seconds and just start again from scratch? Because what's the thing about, they're like, fuck, how are we going to make it look like Reindeer

went down the side of the house? Let's just do a handwritten sketch and animate it and just stick it in the real movie. Yeah. No, I don't even notice. And when he goes down the first chimney and it's like a tiny one and he goes like... Yeah, and you're like, oh, okay.

Oh, the brick's doing that, is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Yeah it? Is it? Yeah. That is one of the first things I wrote down. I thought, whoa, this slaps, but fuck, that looks a bit crook. Yeah.

Yeah. And again, when you watch it at the time, you're like, well, that's just, obviously they can't really do that, so what are you going to put them in? Yeah. But now it's technology. You've got Betty, you're like, whoa. This was definitely one of my favourite Christmas movies. I remember getting, like, after the Santa Claus 2 came out,

I had like, you remember when DVDs came out with like two discs in them and like one flicked over? Yeah. So you open the single case but there was like two in there. And I had like a Santa Claus 1 and Santa Claus 2 and it was in the thing and I like wore out the discs. Absolutely. Like I loved them.

But this is probably the first time that I've watched it as an adult. Is it different as an adult? Yeah. There was a few, like, pretty fucking, like, edgy jokes in there. Like, you know how in a Disney movie there's, like, jokes for the parents that, like, kids wouldn't pick up on but then, like. Yeah. So, you know, when he first sits down with Judy the elf and he's like oh 1200 like you look good for your age and she's like thanks for your interest but I'm dating someone in

rapping like and stuff like that and I was just like oh my god that's like can we just I have written down here just to talk about Judy because is she just not the most beautiful child person ever I always wanted to try the cocoa so bad. Bridget looked to try and find an automated cocoa making machine last night because we watched that scene and we're like, this is adorable. And as a kid, like watching that as a kid, that's your dream. Yeah. That and also having one of those automatic ice cream machines that they have like Sizzlers and Pizza Hut all you can eat.

Yeah, that's as good as it gets. Yeah. But I'm glad you brought up Judy because she is just a sweetheart. So sweet. She is so sweet. Because when you think about kids delivering, those actors are pretty good because they speak like adults. They speak like adults but they had emotion in their voice.

Yeah. And Charlie, so the little boy, he is fantastic too. And when Bernard gives him the snow globe and he's like you got to take really good care of it he's like i promise i will oh i'll tell you what's real crook watching like you said as an adult and i'm probably the same i haven't watched it because usually you're like close at age the kid and you're like if i was the kid what would i do but now you're kind of like well if i was that i would have how much of a carla conti is the mom and the stepdad stepdad fuck neil off fucking Fuck Neil off. Fuck him right off.

Fuck Neil off. Throw him off the fucking roof. Imagine being like you can't tell our kid to believe in Santa Claus. Yeah, and I think there was a thing at the start where he's basically like Tim Allen's character is like, oh, I'm trying to encourage creativity. And she's like, well, that's silly. And I'm like, fuck you. And then when Charlie, when she comes to pick him up like on Christmas morning and Charlie's like,

oh, we went to the North Pole and we met Judy the Elf and all this stuff and she's like, oh, glad to see you've kept him down to earth. I'm like, what the fuck? This kid is fucking, what, six years old? Yeah, let the guy dream. Let him have fun. Fucking who cares what he wants to do?

Encourage imagination and creativity and dreaming. But also, like. What's so good about you and everything here? Down on planet Earth. Yeah. That we couldn't go up in the sky and keep your feet on the ground. Fuck. Did you see their shit car?

Really shit car. No. The only thing shitted in their car was their fucking new husband. Yeah. Neil is such a fuckhead. Yeah. And, like, when Tim Allen, like, walks out and he's got, like, the Santa Claus pyjamas on, he's like, oh, nice jammies.

I'm like. Mate, have you seen your fucking. But what kind of fucking roast is that? Yeah. Oh, nice jammies. Like they were fucking silky ass. They were probably so fucking comfortable. So, well, those pyjamas are delicious.

Yeah. That's what I got you for sex. I wish it was. I wish it was. I wish it was. Bridget said, and we both noticed because he's given a bit of lip about the pyjamas. Yeah.

I'm like, mate, you've got the fucking shittest cardigan game I've ever fucking seen. And then Bridget goes, I totally agree. It kind of looks like your one. I was about to say it looks like something you would wear. Double burn from Tony and Bridget. Can I also say the Alf Bernard? Yeah. Isn't that a Alf Bernard. Yeah.

Was that a chief Alf? Yeah. Head Alf. I mean, this is obvious, but like. Alf is. He's the guy in 10 Things I Hate About You. Yeah. And then he actually plays one of my favourite characters in Billions.

He's like this really sleazy dropkick investment banker guy. Sounds great. Yeah. Oh, but it's like comedic relief. Yeah. Because he's like, every time he rocks up, he's got sauce on his tie and he's a mess. And I'm just like, mate, this guy is fucking done about it.

And he was the main character in this drama show for years called Numbers and Stuff. And I was like, this guy, what a career. Also, the young kid is in the new one, but he's obviously not the young kid anymore. Yeah. The Santa Clauses? It's like a TV show.

I haven't watched that. But when I was watching this on Disney+, not sponsored, I saw that pop up and I was like, oh. I clicked on it multiple times being like, oh, this is it? Well, I thought it was the collection. It's like the Santa Claus. Oh, it's the box set, the Disney edition. No, it's a new TV show. Also, I didn't know that the Santa Claus was like a funny pun until watching the movie

yesterday. Because of the claws on the. Yeah, because they go. What did you think it was this whole time? No, well, I just thought it was called the Santa Claus. Because he is. Santa Claus. But it's the Santa Claus as in like agreement.

But when they said that, I was like, oh, yeah. Like I just, because as a kid, you just hear Santa Claus, it's Santa Claus. Yeah. That's a bit dodgy for me. Like, the fine print. Oh, yeah. That's fucking scary. It looks like a border.

Yeah. Yeah, I'd be calling my lawyer about that. Yeah, I'd be like, hey. Neil's probably a fucking lawyer. You look like a boring asshole. I get what it says, mate, but that's fucking bullshit. But, like, yeah. What is the thing?

Like, believable. Would the credulous man think to read the fucking border? Yeah, exactly. Nice on credulous. Don't know what that word is, but like assuming that you've used it correctly. Very impressive. The reasonable man is like is reasonable to assume, but the credulous is like slightly dumber than normal.

Right. So it's sort of like even the most credulous man should be able to understand. Right. Yeah. Oh, okay. Because not everyone's reasonable. Yeah, you're unreasonable. I'm unreasonable.

I have written a rap about the Santa Claus. Please. And funnily enough. Does Judy get a mention? Judy, or kind of, the Coco gets a mention. Okay. The CGI does get a mention though. Great, great, great.

So it's funny that you did bring that up because I thought, oh, that's gets a mention. The CGI does get a mention, though. So it's funny that you did bring that up because I thought, oh, that's looking a bit shab. A bit shab town. Also, shout out to Ray Romano's dad being the CEO. Oh my god. I totally forgot about that. Is that actually Ray Romano's dad?

Or is that just his dad from Everybody Loves Raymond? Ray Barone's dad, yeah. Yeah, so get your fucking facts straight before you come in here with that shit. I love you, buddy. I love you too. All right, here we go.

The Santa Claus, T-Lodge. Tim Allen. Our final movie, wrap of the year. This is one I'm sure we all hold dear. Watched it a thousand times as a kid. Not sure how... Sorry, everyone. Hang on.

Oh, a rare restart. Yeah, I've got to go again. Can I make an edit? A bit of rap? Yep. What was the first rap of the line again? Our final movie rap of the year. Next line.

This is one I'm sure we all hold dear. Good opportunity. You mentioned Reindeer there. Do you want to write the fucking. Next line. This is one I'm sure we all hold dear. Good opportunities. You mentioned reindeer there. Do you want to write the fucking rap? No. I can't write. You know that. Oh, apparently you can.

Apparently you're way better than me. Where's your fucking book? Do you have some edit notes on that as well? I actually did. And you know I texted you after I read it. I said, less Tony, more Ryan. But you didn't take the edits off. It's already been printed.

Oh, mate, I've got all day if you want to fucking... I actually don't. So if we could fucking get on with it, that would be fantastic. Take two. Here she goes!

Best rapper and writer with a book. Shut up! Tony Lodge. Our final movie rap of the year. This is one I'm sure we all hold dear. Watched it a thousand times as a book. Shut up. Our final movie rap of the year. This is one I'm sure we all hold dear.

Watched it a thousand times as a kid. Not how I remember it. Effects looking shit. Love how the fireplace just appears. Magical film that has lasted years.

Was jealous of Christmas snow. Always wanted to try the Elves Coco. Yeah. Yeah. Author written raps. As a kid, I remember being like, oh, my God, cold Christmas.

Yeah. And even now as an adult, but like because we just have hot summer Christmas and it's great. You wake up, you go, fuck, it's Christmas morning. Put the AC on. Yeah, it's already 25 degrees. Yeah. Fucking hell.

Yeah, no, I feel that. Were you happy? Was that okay? The final rap? Or did you have any more notes? Just double checking. I've got to love to see it. Watch out, I've got it at night.

Would you like to go first? Because I'm terrified now. Oh, I can go first. Mine's a bit more wholesome. Is yours funny? Not really. Okay. Mine's actually very uneventful.

I saw a celebrity at the shops. Who was it? It was Missy Higgins. Australia's Adele. Australia's Adele. So she, like it was the little shops in research. Like at the time, there's like four shops in the strip in the town we're in. And so she must live around the area because she's like an old hippie.

So I was kind of like, oh, fuck, of course she do. And so she's buying, we're at like the organic store getting like the fancy bread and the avocados and blah, blah, blah. And then she's at the counter. And then when she left, the guy who's working behind the counter goes, that was Missy Higgins. You know how cool it is to like get a celebrity in here? And I was like, it's fucking cool. I fucking love Missy Higgins. I know how cool it is to like get a celebrity in here? And I was like, it's fucking cool. I fucking love Miss Higgins. I reckon I've seen her. Because when I

was like 18, 19, going to all music festivals. Yeah. Headline act. Yeah. At Falls Festival and all those things. And I was like, I love Missy Higgins. And I nearly shat when I walked in here and he was like, she's just so lovely. I thought you were going to say that when he went, it's so

nice to have a celebrity in here, you went, yep. Yep. Did you want me to sign something, mate? Did you want a photo? Yeah. I love your body. And then when she was paying, did she go, can I pay with credit card? I know, but she did try to steal bananas and he caught her, so.

Oh, my gosh. So now she's in jail. That's my love to say it. Miss you. It's about buddy time. But just a celebrity in the wild at your local. Oh my gosh, so now she's in jail. That's why you love to see it. Miss you, Miss you, Jack. It's about buddy time. But just a celebrity in the wild at your local? Oh, it is so thrilling. I've seen Joel Creasy at my Coles before

and I almost passed away. Oh, that is sick. Yeah. I literally, and it was during like COVID, so everyone was wearing like full on masks. There's not a mask big enough. I'll see if I... I saw the hair.

Yeah. Joel Creasy, if he's within a mile, I'll see you. I could smell him. He smelled like rich, beautiful men smell. He would, wouldn't he? Yeah. Yeah. Should we send him this audio and hope that he wants to hang out with us?

Yeah. Yeah. But I saw the hair and I was like, that's fucking Joel Creasy. And I did that really embarrassing thing. Like when you spot a celebrity and you think you've acted cool, but you kind of clock them and then you go. I don't know why. But we made eye contact because I was staring at him.

Like it was my, it was forced eye contact. And then I went, and I just turned away. Did you say like, hi, Joel Creasy? No, I didn't say anything. I was so embarrassed. So when Missy Higgins looked at me, I was like trying not to vomit out. I love you, Missy Higgins. Yeah, because why wouldn't you?

I've been on my friend's shoulders yelling at you at concerts. But. You've got to play it cool. Yeah. Yeah. But I don't know if I did though. Probably not. And then I got home because Bridget.

Whenever I see a celebrity, I literally almost pass away. So it's relatable. So Bridget didn't grow up in Australia. Yeah. So Missy Higgins, very Australian artist. Yeah. And I got home and I was like, you never believe what I saw at the store. It was Missy up in Australia. Yeah. So Missy Higgins, very Australian artist. Yeah. And I got home and I was like, you'll never believe what I saw at the store. It was Missy Higgins. Yeah.

And she's like, who? And I was like, excuse me? If you didn't grow up listening to The Sound of White in your mum's car, what did you do? The Sound of White. You didn't grow up. Yeah. What other songs?

The Special 2. Well, that was the album. Yeah. I'm just trying to list songs off that album. Oh, sorry. I was talking. Sorry. There you go.

Well, that was the album. I love your body. I love you too. My I Love to See It is a page that I had suggested to me on Facebook called Things We Love to See. And I was like, fuck, there's my I Love to See It for the rest of the year. And it's a picture of a paper bag with like a salad sandwich, a piece of fruit and a muesli bar in it.

And the text says, as a university student, money can be really tight and so sometimes I have to skip meals. Another student in my class is a mum who's a bit older and has less financial struggle. So she's taken it upon herself to pack an extra lunch when making her kids some and bringing it in for me. Oh, my God. She's one of the nicest people I know,

and I'm so grateful for her kindness and compassion. Just a wholesome person and thought she deserved a shout-out here. That is beautiful. Isn't that so sweet? That is sweet. And it also is a nice reminder that especially at this time of year when it's like a really hard time for so many people, like that can't be with their family or don't have any family

or going through a hard time, just to be kind. Obviously you don't have to pack lunch for somebody, but when you're at the shops, don't be an arsehole. Yeah. You know? And just be polite to people and don't fucking be an arsehole when you're trying to park your car. And don't be a jerk when you're picking up your fucking turkey

or whatever. Just try and act with compassion because you just don't know what people are going through. Don't try and edit people's raps. Don't be a jerk when you're picking up your fucking turkey or whatever. Just try and act with compassion because you just don't know what people are going through. Don't try and edit people's raps. Don't be a dick. Don't be a dick is the show motto. Yeah. Don't be a dick.

Do you prefer don't be a dick or hot fun garbage? Don't be a dick about this hot fun garbage is what I personally say. Yeah. And you can Google that. Why choose? Fucking, I lost it. That is a beautiful story. Yeah, so nice.

Well, thank you so much for listening today. Tomorrow, things you can say at Christmas dinner and also in the bedroom. Plus, I've got written down here, 0 to 100, Tony. But, Tony, are you going to try and defend that you? Yeah, I don't think it was uncalled for. And we'll talk about it tomorrow. See you tomorrow love you bye