Toni and Ryan - In the warehouse and in the bedroom

Episode Date: July 4, 2022

Things you can say in a warehouse and also in the bedroom, plus stories from people who only had ONE JOB!!! Love ya!!! x Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

As women, our life stages come with unique risk factors, like when our estrogen levels drop during menopause, causing the risk of heart disease to go up. Know your risks. Visit heartandstroke.ca. Hello? Tony Lodge, I would like to introduce you to Tapa Royalty. Who? This is Ian.

Are you fucking kidding me? Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast, Ian. Oh! Yay! Ian Farr! Oh, my God. Thanks for calling me. How are you guys?

We are very good now that you're on the line, mate. Would you approve this podcast? I would love to. Oh, fuck off. Yes. This is Ian from Manchester, now in Brisbane, and I approve this podcast. Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. Welcome.

We totally forgot yesterday that it was the 4th of July. Oh, happy 4th of July. Happy 4th of July. Happy hangover from the 4th of July because all I assume happens on 4th of July is people go to lakes or beaches and drink a thousand Budweiser's and shoot fireworks at each other. Am I wrong about 4th of July? Because that's what I think it is. Well, you lived in the US. Surely you...

Not for a 4th of July though. Really? Because it's the middle, like I would have arrived two weeks later for the start of college and left like before, so I didn't do the summer. Oh. No 4th of July for me. Oh, I thought you were there for longer than a year.

No, just a year. My shoulder fell out of its socket so I had to come home and have surgery. That's right. Of course. Well, I always imagine, yeah, that it's just like a literal part. Do they only get one day off? Is it just the Monday long weekend? I have no idea.

You'd hope it would be like a couple of days. By the way, in Australia the minimum is four weeks annual leave and I know people finish college and they get like eight or nine days for the year. Really? Yeah. Holy shit. Yeah.

And we get like three weeks off for Christmas over there. I don't know. Did I have this week off? What do you do for summer? Do you get time off for summer? Because Australia business closes down mid-December and goes, oh, I'll see you late January, guys. See you later.

Because that's our summer. But you don't just get that time off. You have to, like, use your annual leave. But everything closes down and you use your annual leave because we've got heaps of it. I remember chatting to Coop and my bro, and he's like, oh, I've got, like, two days left this year. You haven't had holidays.

He's like, yeah, we only get, like, five or six. Because you remember during Christmas last year, you and I were like, oh, let's go to the pub, we'll have a few beers and we'll grab a parma or whatever. And all the pubs were shut and stuff. Yeah. Remember? I mean, they needed to lift.

That was annoying. Yeah. You've been closed for two years complaining about lockdown and here we are trying to give you some money and you're taking a month off for Christmas. Well, Merry Christmas to you. Not good enough. What's coming up today?

I want to chat about when you only had one job. So you know what's asked of you. You know what you need to do and you just don't hit the mark. One fucking job. Was it you or was it someone you had to deal with? Someone I had to deal with. And without spoiling it, were you stern? No.

Oh, my God. No, I was like, thank you so much. Oh, my God. That's perfect. That's perfect. That's perfect. All right. But first, this is things you can say in the warehouse and in the bedroom.

A big thanks to Brooke Larson who posted this one in our Facebook group. Legend. And her husband works in the warehouse. Working in the warehouse, taking big loads all day. Oh, fuck. I hope you've got insurance. Back it up, back it up, back it up.

Whoa! Came close then. Oh, I'm looking for like a lovely big box. Aren't we all, sister? Relatable content. Trust me, it'll fit. You just need to kind of bang it in a little. So I was quite aggressive.

I've just slapped the studio. Yeah, but the look on your face was just like. I was mucking around. Yeah. Well, that's the thing. You got to give it a, you got to bang it right in there. Do you want to show me again? But maybe I could.

Sorry. Off air chat. I'm married, mate. How married? Very. Gets dusty in here. Been a while. Just better put my back brace on before I lift this heavy load. That will be

a big load. I can tell from the vehicle size. For anyone that can't see me, I just looked at Ryan's penis. Right in the eye. Tony, are you able to take a heavy load? Yeah, I've got 10 minutes now. Good. Yeah. I swear nothing else will fit in here. She's full of good there isn't a box that my blokes can't handle

well when you qualified in the field you'd hope so yeah you'd hope so oh make sure that the recipient signs for it before you give it to them better be safe than sorry.

Yeah. Oh, I just need to, um, can you just put this sign up? 169 days with no accidents. Can I order 169? 169? Oh, shit. I think I've hurt myself. Accidents, tricks over.

Zero days of accidents. During the day, I drive a forklift, and at night, you make my pork lift. Pork lift? I'm like, fuck lift. You make my pork lift. Does this do it for you? Yeah, you make my pork lift. Does this do it for you? Yeah, you make my pork lift.

Okay, so this massive machine is going to crush all these boxes. Has he got a name? Baylor. I hardly know her. Imagine having a nickname and just like word around town like you were like the machine. I feel like that's something you would want when you were like 18. Is that something that you want like as an adult? Well, okay, let me put it this way.

Yep. Imagine you're in a club, you're getting your swerve on, you're 18. And someone goes, oh, look at that blove on, you're 18. Mm-hmm. And someone goes, oh, look at that bloke, he's a machine. Oh. Yeah, okay. Yeah, see? All right, yeah, I'm back on board. Yeah, you're back on board.

We're back. We're back. Oh, that one? Definitely a two-person job. Two-person hand job. Two hands for beginners, thanks. Put your high-vis on. High-vis. More hands for beginners, thanks. Put your high Vs on. High Vs.

More like high Js. The lean. You got a license to operate this? I'll answer that for you. Yes, because I've answer that for you. Yes, because I've seen you and you are well qualified and experienced. What a resume. Wow. Yeah, I reckon we'll take that one through the back dock.

Really? Normally it's outgoing only, but we'll have to make an inception. Are you okay, mate? Are you all right? Exception, obviously, is what I was trying to say. First time telling jokes. How's it going? She's a 10, but she can't talk.

Hey, um you help guide this in? Yeah, I can. Yep. Yep. Yep. Land on a plane. Right over here, Trev. Whoa. Yeah, let, Trev. Whoa.

Yeah, let's shelve this one. I couldn't last any longer. I couldn't hold it. I knew I was a goner and I spilled it everywhere. I've dropped a big load. Oh, it's all over the floor. We're going to have to get someone in to clean that up. Whoa, make sure you don't get pregnant.

What's those little plastic thing that's like warning, wet floor. Oh, the like safety sign. Hazard. Slippery when wet. Hi, this is Ian from Manchester, now in Brisbane, and you're listening to the Tony and Ryan podcast. A big thank you to a few of our champion typers over at our Patreon. If you want to check it out, you can do so in the link in our show notes.

Nicholas Bickerton, thank you so much. Iona. CJ Slowcum. CJ Fastcum, my mate. Katie Meehan. Is their name seriously CJ Slowcum? Yep, S-L-O-C-U-M. Is that a nickname?

I don't think so. Slocum, maybe it is. Katie Meehan, Sarah Merida, thank you so much. James A. Jarrett, Michael Jaggers, Nat Boada, Erica Sullivan, Darcy Gravestocks and Natalie. Thank you so much for being part of our Patreon. You fucking love to see it. Thanks for being legends. Thanks for reading the new blog that's going to be weekly

from the desk of Dr Tony Lodge. Doctor. For legal reasons, obviously, I have to clarify that I am not a doctor. Would you be a doctor just to flex? Yes. Same as a lawyer. Anything I do is basically just to be able to be like, Dr. Tony Lodge.

And that if I was on a plane and someone was like, oh, my God, is there a doctor on board? I could be like, yes. Yeah. But like of something else. I think I've mentioned this before. My economics professor in the US is a doctor. He's got a PhD and he wrote a thesis on the car.

Pretty huge dick. It's just funny every time. He wrote a thesis. Well, that's what he was accused of. He's like, no, I just wrote a thesis on the economics of the car industry in Detroit. Imagine picking up people and being like, yeah, I've got a PhD. They're like, holy fuck.

And I'm going to come back to your house, going back there. And he's just like, yeah, so the economic downturn is. The forces from the labour economy. Yeah, show me your PhD. We'll go back to your house. And he opens up his fucking thesis. His wife and kids are there. He's like, oh, no, I didn't want to have sex with you.

I want to show you my PhD. Are you not interested in this research? It's groundbreaking. Anyway, he was asked on a plane. Groundbreaking? Yeah, fucking barely. He was asked on a plane if he could assist with an emergency and he had to explain.

In that crunch period? Yeah, because they were like, can you help me? He's like, oh, no. And they're like, it's no time for modesty, sir. Come down, she's choking. You've got to be choking me. If anyone listening has a PhD, can you let us know on the episode thread? I know someone just finished their MBA.

Someone just finished law school. Yeah. Can we get all the way to a doctor? Yeah, if you identify as a doctor, like that's your prefix. Who's saying that's your pronoun? No, no, no, no. If your prefix is doctor, but it's not prefix. Who's they if that's your pronoun? No, no, no, no. If your prefix is doctor but it's not in medicine, do people ever go, oh, wow, you're a doctor,

and then you're like, oh, like it is still very prestigious, but no, I'm not a medical doctor. I've got a PhD in art history. Yeah, or something like that. Pretty interesting though. It's still a flex in my books. Oh, 100%. And I could never be a medical doctor.

So just being able to be like, yeah, Dr. Tony Lodge. Couldn't you? No way. Why not? A medical doctor? Yeah. I think you have to be smart as fuck. Yeah.

Not for me. Not my area. Not our area. Unrelatable. Anyway, so I was mentioning before that I, for times when you just had one job. Yep. And I think I mentioned this a while ago. About three months ago, Torbs and I, my boyfriend Torbs,

we bought a new washer and dryer. Lush. Yeah, it was like we didn't actually have a dryer. We only had a washing machine. And we bought it when we, like, lived in Perth and it's come with us to every new city. It's seen some things. It's seen some things. And when we bought it, I'm pretty sure we bought it when we like lived in Perth and it's come with us to every new city. It's seen some things. It's seen some things. And when we bought it, I'm pretty sure we bought it like secondhand. And it was like, you know, when well-known brands have like ripoff versions. So like,

instead of a Samsung, it's like Samsung or something. An LD. Yeah. The LD special that you get from fucking the best buyers in the centre. It was like a secondhand. I meant like instead of LG. Oh. But now that I realise I've said LD. That's a different brand?

It sounds like LD. No, no, you go. Okay. All right. We'll just skip straight past that one. So we had this like. Because it's like an L and then instead of the G it's like a D. Last stood.

Yeah. Very funny. Anyway, and so it was just like this shitty brand that we bought on fucking Marketplace or something. Would you say it served you and other people well, but its time was? It was fucked. It was like, have you ever had a washing machine that, like, shreds up your clothes?

Yeah. And, like, doesn't really wash stuff well? Yeah. So we'd put things in and, like like woolen stuff would just come out shredded and everything just still smelt like damp after we'd washed it. At my old place, we had a dishwasher and we put stuff in the dishwasher and it would come out and there's still like food on the plates. Yeah.

Like it wouldn't wash the dishes. Well, as you know, I don't trust dishwashers. So I'm actually not surprised by that story. I hate that I've said that to you now because I don't want to confirm your conspiracy theory. But anyway, I get the concept of, hey mate, you're supposed to do something here and you ain't doing it. Thank you. So, well, yeah,

this washing machine had one job, but that's not where it ends. Okay. So Torbs and I were like, look, let's invest in something good. We know that we'll have it for fucking 10 years or whatever. Torbs went online and bought these Samsung washer and dryer combo. They're black.

It's like Schmick has. It's super cool. He orders it all and he goes to put in a delivery date. The delivery date for the washing machine, there wasn't a date for like a month. So I was like maybe they're just really busy. It was like the supply chain issues and all that kind of shit. Yeah.

So it ended up being that the washing machine was actually just not available yet. Yep. And then with the dryer, we ordered it three months ago. We got it this week. Woo! Three months though. Should I be clapping?

That feels like a long time for a dryer. It was such a long time. It's like obviously the most popular fucking washer and dryer in the southern fucking hemisphere. We're halfway through winter here in Australia, yeah. I know. I've wanted to be drying this whole time. What have you been doing? So, well, we had the washing machine and

we were just putting it up on like a clothes horse and that doesn't close your, like that doesn't dry your fucking clothes. Not in winter. And I know that definitely, we've got like mould on the lung fucking legionnaires or something. It's so fucked and it makes your house like damp when you're washing clothes. Yep.

Anyway, so they ended up, they dropped off the washing machine and we're fucking pumped because this dryer's coming. You've been talking that for a while. You were excited the day before my what's on tomorrow. You're like, ooh, fucking dryer day. Yeah. Look out. So exciting.

Anyway. Can I come round today? No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. Dryer's coming. The day is scrubbed. Yep. We need to make sure that when they ring, we're fucking ready.

And obviously, because I've got a Toyota Yaris, I've got like a tiny car, so we obviously paid for delivery. You ain't picking up a dryer in the Yaris. Absolutely fucking not. Anyway, and so they had one option where it was like they basically like tip it off the truck and it's just at your front door and you have to go out and grab it and stuff. Then they had this like nice delivery.

Yeah. For $50 or something. They'll come up and they'll plug it all in. Yeah. And like they take away the old one. Yeah. So I was like fucking hell. It's really worth it.

So when the washing machine came, they came up, they like took all the plastic off, took the old washing machine because we couldn't sell it. It was like fucked. Yeah. They took it away and plugged it in. It was ready to go and it was fucking, it was done. Like, we could put washing straight in.

Yeah, so they left and you loaded her up, pressed play. Good to fucking go. Yeah, sick. We got the dryer delivered. We've paid for this, like, premium delivery because we're like, fuck yeah, we'll get them to put it in, all good. They, like, fuck around in the, oh, it's probably a good time to explain, the footprint of my bathroom.

You've been in there. It's quite pokey. And there's two, like, cupboard doors. And that's where the washing machine and the dryer sit. So if you open up the doors, there's, like, no room to move in the bathroom. You literally open them to put the washing in, close them so that you can move around again. A European laundry, if you will. Is that what they're called? I think so, but not in the kitchen. It's, like, in the bathroom. You literally open them to put the washing in, close them so that you can move around again. A European laundry, if you will.

Is that what they're called? I think so, but not in the kitchen. It's like in the bathroom. And anyway, so they kind of drag the dryer in and stuff. They take it into the thing. We've paid for this premium delivery, so we're like, holy fuck, we've already had a load in the washing machine. So as soon as the dryer was good to go, we could fucking bang it straight in.

Good to go. Here we go. Here we go. They fuck around for a while., good to go. Yep, here we go, here we go. They fuck around for a while. We're like, oh, fucking here we go. Like, I'm so excited. I can't believe how. I know, how boring has been going up.

Tony and Torbs were genuinely so pumped about this. If you think this sounds boring, welcome to the real world of Tony Lodge. I never grew up with a dryer, so I didn't know how life-changing it would be. And let me tell you, after the last couple of days, we've washed everything in our house three times. Just an excuse to use the dryer. Just for the fucking sake of it.

Washed our sheets and they were, like, warm and crisp and delicious when normally they're outside on the balcony for fucking three weeks trying to, yeah. It rains again. Oh, fuck, we've got to start again. Yep, start again, put them back in the fucking washing machine. Anyway, so they're fucking around in there for a while. We're like, fucking here we go.

They come out. They go, yep, all good. And we go, oh, bro, thank you so much. The guys leave. We walk into the bathroom. It's still got all the plastic on it. What? They haven't moved it back into the spot that it's supposed to go.

So just sitting in the middle of the bathroom? Literally, it was just sitting in the middle of the bathroom. Are the doors open? Of the laundry? Yeah, because you couldn't close them because it was, like, in the way. Well, that's what I mean. If the doors were closed and they just dumped it there, then you'd be screwed.

No, no, no, we were like, yeah, just pop it in there. And all they had done was plug it in. No, mate, that's not what this is. But it was so far out of where it was supposed to go that, like, the... Did you go call them back? Well... Oh, you're bad. No. Could you just chuck it in there for us?

No. Did you like when they said we're leaving, did you have a quick look and make sure they'd done what they're paid to do? Well, no, because I was like I'm not a teacher. I'm not checking your work. Like obviously you've done it because you were paid to come in and do one thing. But don't when they're installing it you kind of just wander in and go,

how's it going? There's no room in there. Oh, of course. So there was these two guys that were delivering the thing and Torbs and I are just kind of standing outside the door. They didn't introduce themselves. That's rude. And also smart because I was about to slander them.

Yeah, no. So I don't know. But anyway, so literally the power cord is plugged in, but it's so far away that it was like taut. So not only have they realized that like that's obviously probably not where it's supposed to end up they've plugged it like they've like reached in plugged it in at the thing and it's fucking yeah like all right you know you could have done fucking limbo under there you know like it was fucking you know what's fucked me off about this story what the fact they've plugged it in.

If they didn't plug it in right, I would have gone, oh, maybe. They just didn't know. They misread and thought it was just a regular delivery and wasn't a Tony's gone all out for the premium delivery. But the fact they've plugged it in means that they knew what they had taken your money for and they have not delivered. Have you called Samsung back? What's their number?

No. 1-800-SAMSUNG. So anyway. Sam! Sam? Hello? Sam! Mr. Song?

So anyway, we were just like, what the fuck? So then what did you do? Well, I was a bit head up about it and I was like, well, they've gone. Like there's nothing we can do. I'm not going to call them back like that. So dickhead. Is it? That's like a real dick thing to do.

Not if you paid for something. Anyway, so we tried to. It's not a Tony thing to do because you wouldn't like to cause a fuss. No. And anyway, so we tried to shimmy it back into the spot that it's supposed to go. Yeah. And it didn't fit.

What? It didn't fit? Yeah. Like it was too thick? So. Like the width of it? Yeah, the width of the dryer. So we're like, obviously they've gone.

They've tried it. They've realised it doesn't fit. Let's get the fuck out of here before they realise. Instead of being like, yo, it doesn't fit, and us being like, well, can you take it back or can you help us out or whatever. So what are you doing now? They fucking gapped and fucking they fucked off. So is it still just sitting in the middle?

Okay, so then Torbs and I, we had to take all the hinges off the door. If I find out it's in the fucking lounge room. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. We had to take the hinges off the cupboard doors. Torbs like shimmied it into the back of the thing and then put the door back on. It's like now when we move out we're going to have to fucking take all, yeah, the whole thing.

But they realised it didn't fit. What a shitty fucking thing to do. You paid the $75 for this fucking. $75? Whatever it fucking is. Oh. Which one of your team members approved that? Bro, you just said before it was $50.

For them to not even do the job. And then, but they realised it didn't fucking fit and went, cool, all done. What would they have done if we walked in there and went, oh, bro, could you like shift it back? They would have been like, oh, it doesn't fit. Like how fucking awkward. I don't work here. I can't help you.

I don't work here. I'm the cleaner. Yeah, I'm sorry. That was someone else that put that in, not us. When I got a washer at my apartment in Bunbury, I snuck it into the slot and then when I moved, I couldn't get it out. Yeah.

So he, like, comes with white goods. Added bonus. Shout out to my, the people living in that apartment. Yeah, they're probably like, God, let's steal this and they can't. At least it's theft proof. But I'm still dust my head in because I got it in there. Yeah. And do you want to know what I said?

What? Because I painted the place after and I... It's probably the extra layer of paint that's just made the door... Yeah, and that's the face Bridget and the trade he gave me too. But that's just made the door. Yeah, and that's the face Bridget and the trade he gave me too. But that's what I thought. How else could you explain it? Explain it if not that. Yeah, I guess it's like the vantage point of putting it in

versus like not being able to shimmy it out. That's probably just the thick paint. Must be. Maybe the same guys fucking tried to take it out and put mine in. Just Tony's one. I've got something you'll have to see. Oh, after you. Oh, no, you go.

No, after you. Remember how I got a dryer last year and it was like to stack on top? Yeah, and yours is still just like out in the middle of your bathroom? Well, we couldn't figure out how to stack it. We'll plug it in. We'll do it next weekend. How long ago was that? Like a year ago.

I ain't judging, mate. Well, Torbs and I figured ours out. Maybe we could just come round and fucking pop it up for you. Please. Lena, last week you guys were chatting about the big goodbye card. Yes. Like when you leave a workplace and you have to write all the shit on it. Yep.

I was looking for a sign from the universe because something had been playing on my mind for a while and I think the chat about the big card was it. I have quit my toxic job. She's free. The great resignation is on. Well done, Lena. You fucking love to see that.

I feel so free and I hope I get myself a big-ass card. I'm so grateful this podcast. It always makes me laugh. It put me in a good mood and it made me believe in myself that I deserve better than being treated like shit at my job so I've found something else. Lena, I'm fucking very... It's very hard to do that.

Yep. When you're working in a job that makes you feel like shit, I'm very, very proud of you. That's fucking awesome. Well done. Love to see it. Love to see it. This week in our Facebook group, Elliot Craig shared a post saying,

It's fair to say that I got slightly obsessed with the podcast over the past five days. After finishing my final exam, I decided to listen to all of the episodes again from start to finish. It took me five days to listen to all 162 episodes. What the... And he calculated the time. If we say that the episodes are all 30 minutes long,

that gives us a total of 162 times 30, which equals 4,860 minutes, which equals 81 hours listened. There are 24 times 5, 120 hours in five days, counting only the hours I was awake. If we say I slept for eight hours every night, 120 minus brackets 8 times 4 equals 88 hours, which means that of the 88 hours I was awake, I spent 81 of them listening to Tony and Ryan,

which is 92% of my waking hours listening to this godforsaken podcast. Now I feel incredibly empty. What do I do with my life? First of all, Tony Lodge, take a breath, mate. Thank you. I don't know what's more impressive. Great delivery from me. Pay the $75. Premium delivery.

I don't know what's more impressive. The listening, the math they've done, or the delivery of that. Fantastic for me, eh? That was fucking huge. Yeah, pretty good. So, Elliot, you fucking love to see that. Yeah.

I honestly don't know what you're going to do with your time now, but it's been a pleasure to have you if you're still fucking ears are attached. Yeah, I know, right? He'll know more about us than we do. Yeah. Fire out. You'll love to see that. Thanks so much for listening.

We really appreciate it. We absolutely love it. Oh, you just stop and talking? Nothing else to say, mate? No, I'm done here. I'm just the butter to your bread. Tomorrow we're going to do no meow or no. Love you, bye.