Toni and Ryan - incestry.com

Episode Date: December 19, 2023

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Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Dr. Author Tony Lodge. And we're calling EK in the capital of Australia. The Aso 2. Canberra. Let's give him a bell. Hello? Hello, EK? Oh my God, hello. Oh my God, EK, we can't really hear you. Where are you? Are you in a kitchen?

Hello? Oh, that's way better. Oh, that's way better. Is that better? Yes, it is. Oh, sorry. Yeah, we caught you mid-latte. The crash and bangs of the... that's way better. Oh, that's way better. Is that better? Yes, it is. Oh, sorry. Yeah, we caught you mid-latte. The crash and bangs of the busy metropolitan Canberran cafe.

What's the name of the cafe? Lava. Lava in Canberra. So, we've got three. So, we've got one in Kingston, one in Phillip, and one in Weston. And can I just say, Tony, nice ends of town. Yeah. Kingston. I was just talking Tony, nice ends of town. Yeah. I was just talking about a big cafe.

I think EK might be a big cafe. Are you hearing this? Someone's doing very well for themselves. It's not as big as the others, but it's doing pretty well. Oh, if I don't say so myself. Sounds better than the cafes I own. None. Well, EK, are you happy to approve today's episode?

Yes, definitely, 100%. Wait, I have, are you happy to approve today's episode? Yes, definitely. 100%. Wait, I have to practice though. Hey, it's Ikay from Canberra and I approve of this podcast. Alright, coming up today. I'm worried that my boyfriend and I might be related. And not by marriage. Obviously. Yeah.

Yeah, I was going to say, by marriage would be a great relationship. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's where everyone hopes to end up. No, I'm worried that we might be related. Ancestry DNA test. You said Ancestry DNA test? I was like, well, I guess that would be what it was. No, it's an offshoot of Ancestry. It's at Ancestry.com. It's after you've done it.

Yeah. It's when you didn't do the swab beforehand. Oh, my God, it's come up here as a sister slash lover. I think, oh, which one? It goes, no, that's what it is. Yeah, that's what it is. All right, we'll find out about that soon. First, though, Coincidence Chat.

We're finishing strong for the year. It's our last show on Friday, but Coincidence Chat's my favorite segment that we accidentally stumbled across this year. People are submitting their pretty shit coincidences. And actually, it started in real life tony because um we were accosted last week by cat in the street you remember when we yes i i do remember i'm trying to forget yeah now um cat goes oh um because she's driving a car and she goes tony and ryan well yeah to be screamed at by a moving car is like obviously not the way I want to end my day.

But then she was really nice. She was lovely. Yeah. And she goes, I knew you guys work and live around here, and then I saw you. What are the chances? And I said, well, the fact that we do live and work around here, probably pretty high.

Yeah. I'm here every day. Though in the moment, Ryan, you were lame and you went, oh, Tony's actually just moved. She doesn't live here anymore, which is really funny. No, well, I wanted to be clear because you used to get annoyed when i outed where you lived oh big well you did it a lot and you were quite specific about where yeah but that's before i knew that there was like three people listening to the pod at that stage yeah they're in fairness you're right so when we said oh you

live across the road from vick gardens we were like oh well who's gonna know but then lots of people lots of people ended up she goes i was just a vick gardens i know tony lives across the road from Vic Gardens, we were like, oh, well, who's going to know? But then lots of people ended up there. And she goes, oh, it's just the Vic Gardens. I know Tony lives across the street. I know you guys work around here and anywhere. Well, once I was walking home, this coincidence chat again, once I was walking home from work and this girl was like, oh, my God, I caught the train to go to the Ikea at Vic Gardens.

I thought, I wonder if I'll see Tony. And now you're walking home like, which building do you live in? And I was like, and I know that she didn't mean it in that way because you don't want to just meet someone and you go, oh, whereabouts do you live in and i was like and i know that she didn't mean it in that way because you know when you meet someone that's how you go oh whereabouts do you live and then you go whoa i obviously can't ask you that yeah uh so kat's coincidence was she saw us at a place that we are all the time yeah but in fairness that is better than i once met a guy who thought he knew my brother well let's not pass judgment so we've heard this round because today is a fucking wild ride.

Guys, settle in. I love today. First is Katrina Could. That's her name. Yeah, I bet she could. I was once in a grocery store. And she did. I was once in a grocery store and I went around the corner

and my trolley hit someone else's trolley. And I looked up and I think they went to my high school. That's amazing. In the suburb where I grew up and they still live. Malcolm has a coincidence. Hi, Malk. Oh, Malk? No.

Mal? Mal or Malcolm. Malk sounds like off Malk. Excuse me? Sorry, nothing. Excuse me? No. I don't think I spoke.

I think you did. I don't think I did. If only there was a button on where you're listening that could go back 15 seconds. Yeah. Malcolm says, I go to the exact same Aldi that my mum does. Must be nice. If only there was an Aldi in heaven. No, there is.

That's where Aldi's from. That's where Aldi's from. There is. Your mum's up there in the middle aisle getting a caravan cover. Oh, yeah. Baby bibs. She doesn't need them, but they're a great price. Yeah, they're a great price.

If the price is right. Malcolm says, side note, I still live at home yep yep okay question though yep if you're still living at home aren't you gonna reap all the benefits and your mom's just still cooking for you and doing the grocery shopping you know what i'm saying i don't know i don't i hear you i hear you i don't know how old malcolm is but i feel like it gets to a certain stage that you would start contributing to the household. You know what Malcolm's favourite show is? Malcolm in the Middle Isle. Yeah, yeah, now we get it.

That in the Middle Isle is obviously the greatest. That's good, though, isn't it? I'll take that. I might head off. No, you'll actually want to stick around for these coincidences uh sarah roberts says my old neighbor and i have the same name and we're both gay but she has since moved i mean that's that's pretty like both being called sarah roberts both being gay and being neighbours. That's pretty crazy. Once, oh, I almost entered into a crisis. Oh, no, go on.

Welcome to the, welcome. Okay. Well, my next door neighbour, Lauren Bennett, when we went to Broome one year on holiday, I met this girl and her name was Lauren Bennett. Was there only one of her? So. Yeah, she wasn't a twin.

Oh, the Lauren Bennett's. And so I was like, oh, my God, my next door neighbour's name is Lauren Bennett. And was she as thrilled with that story as I am? I hope so because that's fucking A1 material. Kate said, I met this girl who had a brother who went to the same college as a guy I know. Can we do this every week? There's enough of them. I love it.

It's so wholesome and it's so funny. Hang on, say that one again. I met a guy. Say that one again. I met a guy. I met this girl who had a brother who went to the same college as someone that I know. That's so funny. Tiffany. Tiffany's an author Oh

Just like you Wow Congratulations And way back in her family tree Is Charles Dickens That's cool Yeah she goes It's not the Charles Dickens

Great delivery That was wonderful It's just a Charles Dickens But it's still pretty cool to say And do you reckon it helps her sell books Because guess what's just A, Charles Dickens. But it's still pretty cool to say. And do you reckon it helps her sell books? Because guess what Tiffany's last name is? Dickens.

Parker. Because she got married to Dickens. Also, Tiffany Dickens. I mean, you're asking for trouble there, aren't you? Oh, my God. Yeah, right. All right, final one. Final one.

And actually, it's going to be hard to beat Dickens, to be honest. But Caitlin has messaged through. And this is a wholesome one to finish on. The last coincidence of the year, I hope. That's what boys say about me. She's a wholesome one to finish on. She's a nice one to finish on, yeah. You are a nice one to finish on.

Thank you. I appreciate that. So Caitlin has a roommate in the share house. This is the two of to finish on, yeah. You are a nice one to finish on. Thank you. I appreciate that. So Caitlin has a roommate in Sharehouse. It's the two of them. Oh, beautiful. And during the week, they both, without knowing the other person was doing it, borrowed some Tupperware from someone else. And they were separate people, but they both independently were like,

we've got to get some Tupperware. She goes, oh, I went and got this Tupperware. And then the roommate goes, oh, my God, I went and got some Tupperware today as well. And both the person that they went to get Tupperware from, two separate people, both named Christine. That's good. You wouldn't read about it. I like that.

You wouldn't read about it. I like that. I literally just read about it, but you wouldn't read about it. And I bet you both of them on the top had permanent marker Christine and they went, well, who's this? Who's this? Spelled differently, but. Under the K.

So it's called Christine. Hey, it's Ekai from Canberra and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive shout out to a few of our champion toppers. You won't believe it. They all subscribe to the same Patreon. You're fucking joking. Isn't that good? All these people.

All of these people you won't believe it. Hayley Sheedy, for one. Holy sheedy. You wouldn't believe it. John Galloway, our mate. I love John Galloway. Me too. I also love seeing Fat Tony. Pop up because it's his icon thing.

Yeah. Crystal Roxas. Yes, she does. Kylie McEwen. Kylie McEwen and Sammy P. Thanks, Sammy P. All the same Patreon. Honestly, mind blown.

That is mind blown. You wouldn't read about it. A little bit more coincidence chat out of the Tony Louise Lodge, Felicia Lodge, Dr Lodge camp. Yeah. My boyfriend and I might be related. It's not looking good, guys. So I've heard.

I like it. There's similarities there. Yeah. Well, that's the thing, right? You know how often people- If you found out you were like, genuinely, if you found out you were like third cousins or some shit, would you just be like, that is what it is?

If it was third cousins. Okay. So second's the line? No, no, no. Like, well, that's so far. Yeah. Third cousins is like not even, I think it would depend on how you're, like if it was that your mums were accidentally sisters or something,

then obviously you would have to, like. But I actually don't know. So you got a dead auntie? If we not. That's very funny. That's hilarious. If it's by marriage, who gives a fuck? Yeah, if it's by marriage, like, literally, like,

that's just two strangers. Yeah. Or stepbrothers and sisters, either way. But, like, we didn't grow up together yeah that would that's i think that's the part that makes it cooked yeah like if you grow up and you like know each other and then you go oh yeah we will actually do it yeah and you go well well you grew up like having baths together and like yeah no that's like that's not okay um but anyway what what would you do if you found out that you and Bridget, but also Torbs and I aren't having kids.

So does that make it better? Like we aren't, like we're not going to. Yeah, but you're still plowing your cousin though. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, I'll take that. Yeah. What would you do? Well.

This is a good area. Bridget found out. Bridget and I are actually related. Yeah. We found out that when we both did ancestry DNA tests, she found out that her ancestors were web, which is the same as my cousins, the webs. Oh, yeah.

And then we went, and then didn't give a fuck. Oh, coincidence chat. Yeah. But we were like, oh, maybe you are second cousins or some shit. Yeah. But, I mean, how many webs would there be? Yeah, it'd be a few. Yeah.

Anyway. Well, you know how people often in the same family have, like, similar personality traits? Like, my sister and I, we're really, really similar. We're like, there's like 12 years between us, but we are really, really similar. Is that the one that just moved to Melbourne? Yeah, and we kind of like over.

Can anyone get a word in when you have the family around? No, no. And we just, we have the same laugh. Yeah. And we, Yeah, and we kind of like over. Can anyone get a word in when you have the family around? No, no. And we just, we have the same laugh. Yeah. And we like find the same dumb stuff funny. Yeah. And like, because we. That's nice though.

Over like, over the years, like after my mum passed away, like I moved away and she moved away and we kind of like, we didn't really talk that much and we used to be really, really close and we kind of fell out of that. And I'm like so grateful that we reconnected because, like, I just didn't realise that I missed her. And now you're spending Christmas Day together. Yeah, exactly.

Huge. So it's amazing. Anyway, this isn't about that bitch though. Anyway, you know how people in the same family, should we be listening? Love you, Libby. People in the same family have, like, similar traits. My boyfriend, Tom, and I have heaps in common.

Like, we have really similar values and all that stuff. Yeah. And as you know and has been documented on this podcast, I have heaps in common. Like we have really similar values and all that stuff. And as you know and has been documented on this podcast, which we love to do, I get really gung-ho about shit. Yeah. I'm like an impulse buyer. I like buy first, ask questions second. A marketer's dream.

I am. Like I really – and I realise – No follow-up questions. Just take the credit card. I'm just like, wow. And I've always been like that. Like I just get so excited. And then it's not until a bit later if someone kind of questions me or is like, oh, I don't know about that, that then I get –

I like lose confidence. And then I go, oh, maybe I shouldn't like that thing. And that's when I kind of let things go. Okay. But I get so pumped. And if I kept that enthusiasm, I think I would have too many hobbies, first of all. Yeah, there's not enough time in the day.

But it's because I just – If I had a dollar for every time during the day, Tony goes, do you reckon I – and I'll just go, oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm all for it, but I'm like, I just want to see you doing them. Yeah. Yeah, but I like to try stuff and then I get excited about trying something else.

Yeah. Because I love the thrill of doing something new. And then I'm like, imagine if I did another thing that was new. So is the new thing doing your cousin? Where does this all tie together? So we've just moved and we have like a really small lawn out the back. Yeah. It's like the perfect size.

Small compared to her old courtyard. You can play cricket in your Yep. It's like the perfect size. Small compared to her old courtyard. You can play cricket in your backyard. It's like. Spinners, the fast bowlers might struggle too. Yeah, you couldn't do a flip. I'd go straight into the neighbours. It's not small, but I just don't want people thinking it's like a big lawn. Well, why would they think that?

but I just don't want people thinking it's like a big lawn. Well, why would they think that? Maybe during the week someone said, referred to moving to a country town. I did move to a country town. It's not a paddock. The paddocks are over the fence. They're really not. It's an inner suburb.

Quite nice. But, yeah, and it's beautiful and it's like lovely and green. And when we went and looked at the house, we were like, oh, that's a very manageable lawn and famous last words yeah and i'm saying that in a supportive way because i have said that same very line i know and i remember you saying you go oh and the lawn not too big perfect amount like perfect amount to enjoy manicuring it but not too big that you feel overwhelmed with it all the time um and it's great for people great for my nephews to run around on great for christmas day cricket etc and when we bought the house like so when we won the auction it was three months until we could move in which is quite standard in victoria

and i actually don't know how long the other people didn't live there for right it looks pretty nice at the auction, which gives me the impression they might have been like staged and they'd already kind of half out the door, you know what I'm saying? Oh, I see what you mean, yeah. But a company comes in and puts in a nice rug and a thing to really jazz it up, so they've already like moved on. I actually, I think you might be right because they,

when I was like, oh, how big was your couch? They were like, oh, that wasn't ours. Yeah. Because I was like, oh, how big should our couch be? Whatever. Anyway. And so I think that they had as you suggest moved on already quite quickly and by the time we got the keys obviously i was away but by the time we got the keys

the lawn was three pippers tall and now tony says that uh not for lols but literally three pippers tall because i said how's how's Pippa loving the lawn? And you went, oh, no, we can't really let her in because she runs in and then we lose her. So I've just sent you a photo to your text, to our group chat, so that you can see, like, how long this lawn is. How long it was? How long, yeah.

Yeah. Wow. And so we've moved in and it's that tall. Yeah, so you can lose Pippa in it. Yeah, and that's, like, that's a couple of months, that's at least a couple of months worth of not mowing it. And especially a few months in springtime that's getting like warmer weather, lots of rain.

And also, so there's like- It's a good colour though. It's like a nice thick lush green. It's beautiful, yeah. And like, so there's heaps of like midges in there because it's like damp and so all the bugs are coming inside and stuff anyway. But because we've never had a lawnmower, I was like, oh, my God, the lawn is so long.

We need to take care of it. And I said, it's so long. Let's just get someone to come and do it the first time. Just get on top of it. Just to get it right down. And then because this person will be a lawn professional, we can ask what they recommend us to buy to take care of it. So you'd need a lawnmower, but just a little basic

because you don't need to go overboard. And I don't want to be like, oh, I'm going to do the lawn. I need to go and get petrol for the lawn. Like, it's not that big, so I don't want a big petrol lawnmower. If I find out you've bought a ride on mower, that is going to be worse than any of the fucking purchases this year. No, no, no. Because if you did, this would be Tony doing the lawn. Mmm.

Mmm. Like there's no turning. It's just like one, like just straight. It would be you. It would be like one loop up and that would be it. No, no, no, no. We have not bought a ride on thank god for that but because i'm like looking at the options online it's quite

overwhelming because there's like electric there's petrol and i'm like holy moly i just want a grass cutter that cuts grass well yeah like i just i didn't know it was so involved i know that people care about their lawn very deeply but anyway i said i think that we should just get someone to come and do it the first time. We'll ask them what they recommend, ask how to look after it and whatever, and then we'll go from there. Can I just say I appreciate how respectful you're being of the lawn community right now.

Because I do want to look at it. I want it to be beautiful. No, but I feel like lawn people can, like, go a bit too full on and maybe a good area to take the piss out of them. But I feel like you're treading that line, no pun intended, treading that line very carefully not to offend people that don't have a personality outside of their front lawn. I think it's because-

Did we put lawns into the, you know, like third episode we ever did when we said things that aren't- Smoking mates, friends and lawns must have been. I think lawns might have been in there. But maybe it's because maybe in the future I might have to reach out to the lawn community for some advice. So I'm trying to keep them on side. Keep them on side.

Yeah. Anyway, and I said to Torbs, my beautiful partner, we've been together for 10 years, I said, could you call someone just to come and do the lawn? Yeah. And he goes, oh, mate, it's on my list. I'll do that today. I was like, great.

I go home from work. He says, oh, all right, lawn update. I'm like, awesome, because we need it to be short so that Pippa can go out and, like, use the backyard. She's getting lost. I'm like, all these bugs. It's so disgusting. Anyway, he goes, oh, so call this guy.

It's going to be $85, and he can come in two days. And I was like, like, wish it was tomorrow, but that's okay. Wish it was a bit cheaper. Wish it was a bit cheaper. I will for a first mow. I'll cop that. I'll cop it. And he goes, and they can come in two days.

And I said, oh, okay, sure. And then he goes, yeah. So I went on Amazon and I found a push mower, like a rotary manual mower for $84. Well, you're making money. And it's going to get here tomorrow with Prime. And the thing is, is that you get to keep that. You don't get to keep the guy.

Exactly right. Teach him how to fish, mate. He's going to come back and ask $85 each time. Every time. Have you ever used a push mower? No. They're awful. Well, yeah.

And I was like, what? And he goes, yeah, so I bought the push mower. It's going to be even better and it's going to be here tomorrow. Otherwise, you've got to wait for the guy to come in two days. And I was like, what? And he goes, yeah, so I bought the Pushmower. It's going to be even better and it's going to be here tomorrow. Otherwise, we've got to wait for the guy to come in two days. And I was like, okay. So the Pushmower takes like a week to come. It does not come the next day. And then it arrives.

It's as if it's Christmas soon and the fucking postage is all out of whack. And the postage is fucked, yeah. It does not come the next day. It arrives in this big box but not big enough to have been put together. So I go, okay. Those who have seen the live stream on Patreon know that Tony's probably at her end when it comes to flat packing this year. It's you move and that's your like, you know that you're going to have

to flat pack a few things but like it's just been a bit too much for old Tony. My favourite part of the live stream was you saying, Torbs, if you don't leave the room, I'm going to fucking yell at you. And then it cuts to the next bit of Torbs being in the room getting fucking yelled at. Yeah. Well, I did warn him. You did.

You were very clear. You know, in fairness. Self-awareness, 10 out of 10. Anyway, and it comes and we've got to put the thing together. So that, like, takes another week because I'm like, fuck, we've got to put that thing together before we do it. Anyway, the lawn is even longer because it's been now two weeks. Yeah, and it's been hot and raining again.

Yeah, and it's sprouting like nobody's business. People that complain about lawns, I mean, they're so easy to grow. Ours is out of control. I get told to put the right-on lawnmower together. I put together a very cute little – The right-on – Sorry, the push mower. Thank God.

I put together a very cute lawn mowing outfit, you know, my yard clothes. And I'm like, cool, I need to go and do this. I picked up like all of Pippa's poos in a little corner that she'd been, so I didn't fucking get smushed in the face like a cupcake. And then I start pushing and it doesn't push. It's too long. Because the lawn is so long. It's fucked, yeah.

It's fucked. And then it gets – and I'm like, no, I'm determined. It's a Sunday afternoon. I'm like, I'm determined to get this done today. It was the last thing on my list and I was like, I need to tick this off. Like I need to finish this. On my to-do list, it's just staring at me. And every time i look

out of my beautiful house i just see this jungle and it's really irking me that it's not right i didn't want to say anything but it does take the edge off it does yeah no it absolutely takes you out of the room all of the windows face out the back and then all you see is the lawn and you go oh someone gotta get on that and it sucks because i want to be like, it's not our fault. It was like that when we moved in, but I'm like, we just need to cut it. Like that's all that needs to happen. Anyway, so I'm like, no, I'm determined to do this. And it's so long that the grass wraps around the rotor

and it is like ripping the bedded grass out of the soil. Instead of cutting it, it's waxing it. Yeah, it's like ripping. And I'm like, oh, my God, I'm going to kill all this lawn. Please look at the second photo that I sent you and you'll see that there's like a tunnel around the very back. Yep. And that, like strip of lawn that's all like pushed down

and half cut and half ripped up, that's as far as I got. And I was just like, I'm ripping it out of the, like I actually got pretty far. My arms were killing me. Now, when you say you got pretty far, in what context would you say? Well, I got one length down the thing. By looking at the photo you've got me, and maybe it's the angle of which the photo was taken.

Okay, show me the photo again, just in case. Would you agree by the photo you've sent me? You can't really. Okay. The photo you've sent me, it looks like you've cut about, I'm going to say 12% of the lawn. Oh, not even. I don't think.

Okay. Yeah, that's probably being quite generous. Yeah, it's Christmas. Yeah, and that's beautiful. You obviously haven't gotten me anything. That was the gift. Don't know who you got for Secret Santa, though. Okay. Yeah, that's probably being quite generous. Yeah, it's Christmas. Yeah, and that's beautiful. You obviously haven't gotten me anything. That was the gift. Don't know who you got for Secret Santa, though. Anyway.

No, mate. Don't be fucking throwing those around. Anyway. Could your Secret Santa gift help you with this problem? Mate. Anyway. So I'm, like, ripping the fucking grass out. Anyway, I decide to, like, roll it down to at least create a little channel that Pippa

could run down to because she's got her favourite little spot to wee and poo. It's right in the corner of the grass. And I was like, at least if she can get down there without getting soaking wet every time, that would be fine. A little poop tunnel. Yeah, a little poop tunnel. Exactly right. What's the sporting, like a bobsled track?

Sure. Anyway, it's a loose thing. And I'm like, we're going to have to call the guy. Like, this is just ridiculous. With your tail between your legs well i was like i don't know why you didn't just do this in the anyway torbs love him but impulsive he's like i found a better dealer this is gonna be better sorry to keep interrupting where's the part where you bang your cousin it was just more about like the similarities in our

personality kind of thing we're actually not related it was just like a hook oh okay because you just got me fucking jazzed i was like waiting for a cousin to appear. Yeah, I'll just show you a porno later. Anyway. And then my cousin, who's a lawnmower, turns up and we have a threesome. And he actually went to a college that my friend thought that she went to. No, no, no. So we're like, we're going to have to call the guy.

And the guy goes, yeah, yeah, cool. I'll come. It's just like Jim's mowing. And he's like, yeah, I'll come and assess it and let you know. And Tobs goes, the lawn is really small, bro. Another guy quoted me 80 bucks. I'm sure it's going to be fine. And he was like, yeah, I'll come and like assess it and let you know. And Toobz goes, the lawn is like really small, bro. Like another guy quoted me 80 bucks. I'm sure it's going to be fine. And he was like, yep, cool.

Come have a look. I'll let you know. And he comes around and he goes, yeah, it's so long. It's actually, it's going to be like 180 bucks now. That's like a dollar per. Blade of grass. Yeah. But he goes, it's going to be like 180 bucks now because it's so long.

And anyway, and I was like, it's going to take him five minutes. Like what a ripoff anyway. And then it actually took him like 45 minutes. The grass was so long that it was stalling the petrol lawnmower. Oh, my God. And I was like, oh, and it had been an extra like two, three weeks since then. And anyway, because the grass was so long, the, and it had been an extra like two, three weeks since the – and anyway, because the grass was so long,

the bottom of it had been protected. He mowed it on a really hot day and now it's all dead. Because the like young grass at the bottom, the baby skin. It wasn't getting any sun. No. And so it's like bleached from the sun now. So that's why I'm running the lawn community to help me fix it. Oh, that's why you're keeping it on site there.

But, yeah, so what a bargain, though. Push fucking lawnmower for $84. So now that you don't have a lawn but you've got an $84 push lawnmower. Anybody want to. If I get a fucking push lawnmower for a second. It's over the limit. And then, like, at the end, I'm like, hey, bro, like, what do you recommend? I was like, like a push lawnmower?

Is that going to do the job? Because, like, it's so small and, you know, whatever. And he goes, oh, they're not that good, eh? Like, they rip the lawn out of the sun. And you're like, what? Do they? What? Do they?

Wow, I'd never buy that. And he goes, but I can come here every three weeks for $40 and I'll just do it. And I went, fuck, all right. We'll see you in three weeks, mate. That's a good deal. Put the lawnmower out the front and hope that someone takes it. Yeah, Merry Christmas to the neighbours. Yeah.

I'd rather get a lawnmower than a book. Yeah, so. I have a wild card. Yeah. To lob in. Yeah. But $40 is a good card. Yeah. To lob in. Yeah. But 40 bucks is a good deal. Yeah.

Actually, three weeks, that's a good deal. Yeah. Would you consider putting like a synthetic fake one down? Oh, I said that to Torbs when I was angry. I was like, I'm ripping it out. We're putting turf in. And he was like, absolutely not. He like, I've never seen him like that.

That was very primal male response. If you're so jazzed up about your lawn, how about you got out there the last month you've been here? Yeah, also, sweetheart, I was the one pushing the things in my weedy little tuck shop lady arms. These aren't muscle in there. These aren't workers' arms. No, I've never worked a hard day in my life.

You? Look at my hands. I feel like you can't judge and, yeah, he's going to sort that out. Well, I was the one that was out there pushing the thing. Yeah. Anyway, yeah, so I did suggest turf in a, like, the synthetic lawn. That would be a very tiny thing. Yeah, but no, we're not going to do that because it's like,

well, it's really expensive to get one that isn't yuck. Yeah. And they, like, melt in the sun and stuff when it's hot and they smell. Pippa's poos. Pippa's poos would stick to it. Also, I've heard that the plastics in the sun, like, they come out and they, like, leach into your, like, it's, like, bad for you because, like, the plastics, you know,

how, like, you shouldn't leave them. I feel like when you're, like, there's good ones and bad ones, these all seem like stories of bad ones. But surely the good ones aren't leaking chemicals and killing dogs and smudging poos. But how much do you reckon a good one costs? I don't want to know. I actually don't want to know.

A billion dollars probably. I could give you a lawnmower for $85. I want to make some money. Yeah, you've got to pay for a turf. I've got to heal up to see it here. Yep. Tapa Linda Beasley. Tapa Linda Beasley. Hi, Linda Beasley.

After barely sliding through all of my schooling life, today I graduated from my Masters of Nursing with distinction. Masters of Nursing? Whoa, you want her to take your blood? Absolutely. I didn't. Was she a vampire? A vampire?

I mean, nurses don't... Like, that's a phlebotomist. But I meant, like, she'd be like a big mosquito. She'd take it so gently. I didn't get... Have you ever had your blood taken in an ER? It's fucked. It is always like a doctor or a nurse that doesn't have to take blood a lot.

And it is so much more painful than when you go to the wonderful phlebotomist at like Western Diagnostic or Dorovich or whatever they call it in Victoria. They're amazing. But when you get it taken in the ER, you end up coming out with the biggest bruise on your arm and it's so painful. I didn't get to go to my bachelor's degree graduation because of COVID. So today I felt so proud walking on that stage.

And so you should in Master of Nursing. That's huge. That's awesome. So good on you, Linda. You'll love to see it. Congratulations, Linda. That's awesome. I've got a comment here on a video of ours that I saw that just I laughed

for like 20 minutes after I read this. It was a video where you and I were talking about like what happened on your first day at work. Yeah. Amy Hillier commented this. I had a classmate that had slipped on ice and broken her ankle and she couldn't get up so we called an ambulance. What did you just say?

Ambulance. Say it again. Ambulance. Ambulance. Ambulance. Ambulance. Read the comment again. Oh my God. Did you hear that? I've never heard you say ambulance without sounding like a fucking idiot. Go again. Ambulance. Ambulance. Ambulance. Read the comment again. Oh, my God.

Did you hear that? I've never heard you say ambulance without sounding like a fucking idiot. Go again. She couldn't get up, so we called a lamblin... Lamblinance. Anyway. Oh, my God. It's a brand new day.

It's a brand new dawn. No, it was just a one-off. It was a one-off. I fucked up the fuck up. You mispronounced ambounced ambulance and accidentally said ambulance. How embarrassing. She couldn't get up, so we called for help. The paramedic runs over and is so like, oh, my God,

we need to help get this girl off the ice because obviously she's like laying on the ice with a broken ankle. The paramedics slipped on the same ice, landed on her leg and broke her knee. Oh, my God. So there's the classmate lying there with the broken ankle. Yeah. The paramedic lying there with a broken leg. And then do they have to call another ambulance? So someone else goes, they broke their neck.

Yeah. Like just before you go down there, be warned that it's a bit soon. Yeah, yeah, no, mate, we do this all the time. Oh, mate, I've seen it before. Yeah. But I just laughed so hard at that. That does not sound like an episode of The Simpsons. Yeah, it really does.

There's no way that happened. It really does. So good. You'll have to see that. All right, have a great day, everyone. Tomorrow, Normal or Nah is back. And also, on one of the first episodes of 2023, Tony and I discussed our ins and outs for the year.

Tomorrow. We did. We will review those. Tony can't remember exactly what she said. I don't know. So this is going to be a real blast from the past for everybody. Wow. Okay.

I say a lot of stuff. Yeah. Yep. Yep. That's tomorrow. Love you. Bye.