Toni and Ryan - Is Ryan A Jerk #169

Episode Date: October 20, 2022

Don't kids just say the DARNNNNDEST THINGS?! We read out your best kid comedy - and is Ryan the jerk round #169 hehehe Love ya!! Toni x Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. We are calling Lauren. Hi, Lauren. She hasn't answered yet. No. Take your time, Lauren. Just kidding. Oh, yeah, take your fucking time. Hello? Hi, Lauren!

Is this Tony and Ryan? It is. No, it's the phone. Hello! I lost money. Lauren, will you approve this podcast? Of course I will. Yay.

Lauren, why is the fan casting me to approve a podcast? Yeah, that's weird. Hi, it's Lauren from Brisbane, Queensland, and I approve this podcast. Welcome to the vodcast. Welcome to the video show. Great video show. I love the video show. I love the video show. To start off today.

Yes. Sorry, I was just looking at my notes. It's been a while since we did Who's the Jerk? I love Who's the Jerk because you're always the jerk. So I actually already know the answer. Oh. But I need your help and you, Tony, to decide if I was the jerk or if the person at the kindergarten was the jerk.

What? Because this morning, what did I do before I came in? You had to drop BJ at the vet just to get a little dental clean. I think he has to get a tooth removed. Oh, no. Yes, he's going under and getting the tooth removed. So I had to drop off BJ at the vet. Yep.

And it's on, for those in Melbourne, Church Street, busy road. Fucking busy. And when you have to, like, drop a dog off, like there's no real car parks near there. And the street. Well, you'll remember when I was, before we got Pippa, our beautiful little dog. Hi, Pippi.

She's watching at home. I did all that research, remember? And one of the non-negotiables about the vet that we were going to go to is that they had to have parking. Yeah. So if only you had have done lots of research. I would have wasted all my time because I found a solution this morning. Doesn't sound like it.

There was a childcare centre because, you know, when you go, it's like just around the corner in Arbinger or something. Yeah. So it's like literally 30, 40 metres away. And because it's a childcare thing, they've got like a 10-minute drop-off. Oh, like kiss and go or whatever. Yeah, because I just had to drop Beej off for his surgery. I didn't have to like go in for an hour or whatever.

Yeah. How annoying is it though that like because it's a dog, you can't just like kick him out and like keep going? Go, Bee. You know, like imagine if you were like dropping me off at the doctor's. Yeah. You'd be like, cool, get out. like, dropping me off at the doctor's. Yeah. You'd be like, cool, get out. I'd pick you up in half an hour.

Yeah, and that would be fine. But with the dog, you've, like, got to get out and you're fucking to park and take him in and then. You're right. Yeah. So it clearly said, oh, I don't know the exact wording, but it has the word child or, like, it's the child drop-off zone. Yeah.

Like, out the front of the child care thing. So you knew before you parked there that it was the childcare thing. Okay. Continue. Who is the jerk? So I go, oh, I just got, and I literally just had to drop him off. I did have to get out of the car, but I put him in, signed in. They go, cool.

It's similar when you get your car the mechanic they go yeah we'll call you later on after we've had a look and we'll tell you what they need yeah and so I'm gonna get a call later on that goes yeah we are gonna have to pull out that tooth all good to proceed yeah great so what time did you have to drop the dog off eight o'clock what time does school normally start there was a lot of school traffic and it was busy but because it was I think it's more of a daycare if you start work work at 8.30 or 9, you'd probably drop the kids off. So it was kind of busy. Okay.

And so I pull in and I'm getting BJ out of the back seat. And I know I've said before, if you have to say, I was just trying to be funny, it's probably not a good thing. Probably not. And the lady goes, like, says to me. Oh, so someone was there? Yeah, yeah. Oh, Ryan, I thought that you had just like, oh.

Nah, yeah. And the lady goes, oh, it says child drop off. Oh, my God. I want to throw up. What would you say in that situation? I would never be in that situation. I don't need to think about that eventuality because it would never, ever happen.

So you know how we tell jokes about me being adopted and your mum no longer being with us? And it's just a part of our friendship and the show that we kind of make jokes about this. Yep. So obviously this lady doesn't have a year's worth of podcast context for my next line.

No. I'm just some asshole who's parked in the no child spot. And then I said, I was actually quite happy with this, maybe in a different setting. You would probably also appreciate this. But I said, spoiler alert, she did not appreciate this. Oh, it's child drop off. And I go, just because he's a rescue doesn't mean he's not my real child.

Did she even get it? She did not get it. Or want to get it or care, whatever I had to say. And she was just like, like she had a dumb, like when she saw BJ get out, she was like, what the fuck, mate? And then when I said that. Because they're across from the vet, they would get people taking a piss all the time.

Yeah. And so she went from a what the vet, they would get people taking a piss all the time. All the time, yeah. And so she went from a, what the fuck, mate? And then when I said that, it was just, what the fuck, mate? Times two. Like, you know, squared. She just got angrier. Yeah. Whatever emotion she had in her face, it just multiplied.

But there wasn't a smirk. There wasn't a... Oh. And it's sort of like, I'm just dropping him off. And she's like, yeah, it's a drop-off zone. I'm just dropping my kid off. The next kid who comes down, they're it's a drop-off zone. I'm just trying to mark it off. The next kid who comes down, they're not going to be able to park here because they just want to drop their kid.

Like, I know what you're doing, but I also don't give a fuck because this is the child drop-off zone for the daycare. Yeah. So I went, just because he's not my rescue doesn't mean he's not my child. And then just, like, started hoping just to get a laugh and just sort of go. So that softened the blow a little bit. Softened the blow. And she just stared and I was like.

And then I just put my head down and walked off and left the car there anyway. What? You left the car there anyway? I'd already pulled in, got him out. Like, you know. What an arsehole. So I am just confirming I am the jerk? That is such, like, big dick energy kind of but not in a good way.

No. Because it's like, oh, here's my child. And then, like, going off anyway. I was already out of the – and I know I'm not in the right. I'm not asking you to say I'm right. There was bad traffic. I knew you were going to be waiting here for me Don't blame me I said to her you know how Tony doesn't like to be held up

Don't blame me And she went actually no fair call Tony is a bit of a bitch when you're late Don't blame me I just needed to drop him off This is real quick I know it doesn't matter I know I'm in the wrong

Can you just tell me that joke was funny No I refuse I just needed to drop him off. This is real quick. I know it doesn't matter. I know I'm in the wrong. Can you just tell me that joke was funny? No, I refuse. I just can't believe that then you left the car there and, like, backed him the joke. Isn't that good? Like, I feel like I wouldn't be in this situation, but if I was, I would be like, oh, my God, I didn't even sit. Sorry, I've just got to, like, quickly, like,

you haven't even, like, apologised for parking in the wrong spot. Yeah, no. What was she like when you walked back to the car? That's what I want to know. Like, when you, so you've dropped BJ off, you've signed him in, they've gone, hey, mate, yeah, we'll have a look. Yeah. When you got back to the car were there like people

banked up was she angry like uh well this doesn't make was she in a fucking high-vis vest or something like so no no like is she like guiding people through like at the airport she was like another parent oh she wasn't working at the child care but she was like a parent of the child care is that better or worse does that change things parent of the childcare. Is that better or worse? Does that change things? You're still an asshole, but it does change it.

Okay. So I reckon there's two or three parks in the drop-off park. Yeah. Actually, there would have been two, and she was in the other one. Yeah. So I reckon she's just dropped her kid off and come back to leave. Yeah. But like you said before, they probably cop this every second day.

But I was thinking it was someone, like, pushing the agenda of the kindergarten. Of big kinder. Who worked there. But now I'm just like, fuck off. Like, you already had a parking spot. Yeah. Like, get a life.

Do you know what I mean? Like, imagine fucking. Yeah, oh, you've changed your tune. But I'm a bit of a busy know what I mean? Like, imagine fucking... Yeah, oh, you've changed your tune. But I'm a bit of a busybody, so maybe I would do the same. I'd never have the balls, actually. Like, if someone was parked, like, where I needed to go, I would never be like, hey, you know, you're not supposed to park there. Can I just ask a question?

Yeah, question. Because I feel like something has been going wrong in my whole life that I've just realised. Something has been going wrong in my whole life that I've just realised. I've assumed on many occasions, as we've learned on this podcast, that in a situation that's a bit awkward or a bit cringe, a little joke will get you through it. But time and time again, I come here and share it with you and you go, hmm, still a bit shit though.

Because I'm like, oh, I got a joke. All good then. Yeah. And it's like, nah, it's not all good then. I don't think so. Like, you know how I told that joke at the sperm deposit place? Oh, when she said, put the jar in the basket and you said, jar? It's just in my pocket.

As if you had like a pocket full of cum. Yeah. I had to take that jizz to the hospital in an Uber. Yeah. That was also awkward. But have I misread the situation that if you insert a joke, you can get away with it? I think the cum in your pocket, I think that's a bit different

because you were like uncomfortable. Yeah. But with this car spot, you were knowingly. I was uncomfortable. I was uncomfortable because I knew I was in the wrong. spot, you were knowingly. I was uncomfortable. No, but you were. I was uncomfortable because I knew I was in the wrong. Yeah, but you knowingly did the wrong thing. You were uncomfortable not for a reason of like, look, this is a bit oaks.

You were uncomfortable because you were like, ah, I've done the wrong thing. Okay. Do you think it is a little bit like the how when I drive the wrong way? I go. It is. Although, yeah, now that you've said that, if I had pretended I didn't, oh, I didn't realise, I'm so sorry, I'll be real quick. That's what I would do.

I'd be like, oh, my God, I'm so, so sorry. I've got to drop the door. My husband was supposed to bring me in, but he was late for soccer practice. I don't know. Make up sound like fucking you love it. You'd be the worst liar. Yeah, I am the worst. That's why I don't lie.

My husband has soccer practice. You'd be the worst liar. Yeah, I am the worst. That's why I don't lie. My husband has song practice. You're not married and Torbis has not seen a sporting ball in decades. But imagine, yeah, she's like, I'm actually a big fan of the podcast and I know that your husband doesn't play soccer. I know that's not true. She's like, is this the car that you shat in? It's lovely, but did you shit in this car? Anyway, we'll be holding a candlelight vigil for Bronson.

Who lives at the vet now. He lives at the vet now. There's nothing wrong with him, but we can't go and pick him up because it's too busy. Well, I won't be parking there when I pick him up later on this afternoon. See, it's another mum. I think it's okay. Another mum.

Does this change it? Her car was very nice and she was in a bit of a power suit going to what I assume was a bit of a power job and wanted to maybe insert some power and tell some innocent young guy off. Innocent? Young? Guy?

Yep. One out of the three. Guy's fine. Oh, look, I get... But if you were trying to... Why is your tune change when you found out it doesn't work yet? Just because I thought that it was someone, like, pushing people through so that, like, you know,

oh, let's, like, we keep a tight ship, you know. But that just was another mum there. It's not because she's a mum, but I'm like, oh... She can mind her own business. Like, maybe it's fine. You know, maybe it's fine. You know, maybe it doesn't really matter that someone else is going to park there for 45 seconds. But having said that, if I was going to a place where it was like you,

you know, to drop off your kids or whatever and other people always fucking parked there, you were probably just the fifth person she'd seen this week do it and was like, fuck this. I'm fucking never going to a childcare near a vet ever again. Yeah, literally. We're changing the kids' school. I hate dogs. Hey, it's Lauren from Brisbane, Queensland,

and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. On Monday, it's movie time. And after Tony forced me. It's movie time. It's movie time. Have we ever said that before? On the video show. It's movie time. Movie time on the video show?

So Tony made me watch a musical. I did. Hairspray. And now it's my turn to choose something for Tony. Yeah, it seemed only fair. It seemed only fair. So I've decided to go for epic movies that are longer than three hours is the category.

Which is my fucking kryptonite. Well, Tony's kryptonite is movies over 90 minutes. Two hours is like death, so three hours. In fact, if you're watching the vodcast now, get a good look at Tony because this might be the last time we see this beautiful smiling face. You might not survive. Oh, my God. Sorry, everyone.

Sorry, everyone. Have you just realised that you can't edit out your coughing because it's a video show? Because Franco's doing it. Yep. Sorry, I just got a little tickle in my throat. So there's some choices there. And it looks like...

Have you seen what the winner's going to be? It looks like the Wolf of Wall Street. I'm happy with that. That's a good choice, because a few of the others were, like... Heavy. Heavy. Heavy and long. I'm also just going to have a...

I know that I shat myself after having too many strepsils. I think one's fine. Maybe not ten. This is a Difflam. Do you think this has sorbitol in it? Yep. Yeah. All right.

Are you able to give a shout-out to our champion tapas while you've got a strepsil in your mouth? Oh, this would be so annoying. No, go on. You go. No, that's worse. Is that worse? Well, you've already done it now.

Lainey Price, thank you so much. Thanks, Lainey. Amanda Serrano, like the ham. Talia Morfitt, Noah, Angelica Hansen, Emma Krause, Scott, Nurse Heather. Nurse Heather. Nurse Heather. Darling Denise. That's beautiful.

Oh, my God. Hannah Macri and Chubby Rocks. Chubby Rocks. Get it. Put a strap to the back of my mouth. I'm glad you're still alive, though. Thank you. I'm actually fine, but now I actually think it's just hay fever.

Yeah. Do you want a little Clementine? I've had. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. What's the point? I'm thinking of Clementine Ford, the podcaster and writer.

She's fantastic. It makes sense. What am I trying to say? Claritine, but like an antihistamine. Yeah. Yeah. I've had one. Thank you.

I'm a fucking idiot. I'm sorry for being you. Would you like a Clementine? An orange? A type of orange? I'm sorry for being born, really. So is your mum. She didn't even want you.

Your mum now wants you. Well, she just adopted another baby. She did. Comes and goes. My brother Kenny. How is Kenny? He's good. Kenny met BJ the other day.

They hung out for a bit. How is it having a sibling you've never had one before? Like a... Yeah, it's interesting because it's not little Kenny. We're siblings. We're on the same rung. It's good because I met my long-lost biological brothers a few years ago. I feel like that was a warm-up for Kenny,

so now I know how to act around a brother. Yeah. But he's very... Roughing each other up, giving him a wedgie. But I think he's very aware that he's the little brother because there's a bit of like... Oh, a bit of argy-bargy. Yeah, like you said, a bit of wedgie. But I think he's very aware that, like, he's the little brother. Oh. So there's a bit of like. Oh, a bit of argy-bargy. Yeah, like you said, a bit of wedgie for your headlocks.

A little noogie. Noogie, yeah. Yeah. Is noogie the right word? Is it noogie? Or is that sexy? Because I think one of them is like a bit of like. Get the noogie.

Yeah. That feels weird to say. If you have to look in an urban dictionary, you know the answer's probably not good. It's actually like a clothing brand. Great, let's stick with that. Don't Google nookie in the workplace. Yeah, have safe search turned on.

Oh. Sorry, and then I typed in noogie, which is the head thing, but this is a Google definition. A hard poke or grind with the knuckles, especially on a person's head. That's exactly what it is. But, oh, giving you a little noogie. Like, imagine if I did that in your pusswa. In your fanny john.

You're making it weird. I was doing a noogie. Yeah, not on her head, though. Like, a hard poke. Sorry. I had the strepsils. It made me crazy. So you know how people are taking...

I should have had a clementine. You know how people are taking screenshots when their name comes along the bottom? Uh-huh. Someone's going to screenshot it and it's going to be, yeah, when you're doing that. Me doing this. So whoever you are along the bottom here... I hope that if your name's coming up right now and Ryan didn't fuck up the video this time. Fingering.

Anyway. Last week we did kids say some fucked things. Kids do say some fucked things. And after we mentioned it, a lot of people went, oh, have I got a story for you. Oh, I love this. Because the no filter of a child is just a work of art. And just the sponge.

Yeah. They hear something. They hear it and you just don't know what they're going to take on. So, Tapa Elena was. Tapa Elena? Yeah. She was a nanny. That's not my best friend, Elena, is it?

No, she wouldn't be a Tapa, would she? She actually is. Is she? Yeah. That is cute. And she's hot as. She looks like Blake Lively. You're hanging out with her soon.

People are in the curtain, but when this comes out, I'll be with Lane. You're going over there to New Zealand for the weekend. Was she a nanny back in the day? I don't know. I don't really listen to her. You just look at her. Just look at her. Just enjoy her. You objectify her. Yeah don't really listen to her. You just look at her. Just look at her. Just enjoy her.

You objectify her. Yeah. Give her a noogie. Elena says, when I was a nanny, if you can stop objectifying your friend, who's married, by the way. Only just. It was certainly an experience as Elena. Fishing's got a pole, but it doesn't mean you can't get to second base

and score. Sorry, Elena the nanny. The nanny, the TV show. She was rocking from a brown shopping plushie queen until her boyfriend kicked her out in one of those crushing scenes. What she wished to do, then she put out on her fanny. Then she went and bid her to the Sheffield store. She was there to sell a make-up for a sculler.

The fashion became the Nanny. field store she was there to sell a makeup for a lot the association of our association became the nanny oh what a gas was under the

sky the kids are finally trying to smile she's a lady

when everybody else is wearing a cap the pageant of refreshing the nanny Isolated red. Would everybody else just wear a cap? The pageant car refreshing.

The 90 day... What the fuck is happening? Are you okay? Yeah. Oh my God. I don't know most of the words. Don't you? Which is obviously why I was going... Oh, no, I'm pretty sure that was the exact words they wrote.

That was really funny to see when you said, don't you? Thanks for letting me know that you don't know the words. Could everyone shut their ears for two seconds? So, Eleni was the nanny? Yeah. It's actually a great show. Cece Babcock's a piece of work. I love that show.

The only time I fully lost it as a nanny, Eleni says, when I was picking up one of the kids out of the swings. Because you know how you clip them into a swing? Yeah, clip them in. And when they were all clipped in or whatever, the four-year-old sort of gets out and goes, oh, the swing makes my penis tingle. Banani!

Elena says, I was not prepared to have the sex talk with a five-year-old that wasn't even my kid. That's really... I'm glad that the child felt comfortable with you, Elena. That's lovely. You obviously had a very nice relationship. Imagine when, like, later he got a bit of a tingle, like, for, you know, adult reasons,

and then went, oh, this is like that time when I was a kid. You wouldn't remember, would you? You remember your first time. Do you? I don't know. It just sounds like a thing to say. But then he's probably grown up and gone, oh, fuck, I asked my nanny about that.

Yeah. Yeah, I see what you're saying. Because it's like when you were young, you're like, oh, why are my shoes tied up? Oh, because you need a lace like this. Oh, thanks, nanny. Yeah. And then later he goes, oh.

That was probably weird. Yeah. Christina said, my gran, rest in peace. She died around Halloween. And her six-year-old daughter pointed at a skeleton decoration and said, that's my gran now. Not wrong though But like

You're grieving So you know Oh there she is I found her You guys are saying we lost gran But there she is I found her She's out the front

Standing by the fence Hanging from the tree You know how people put them up in the tree and stuff Oh my god Maddie Tapa Maddie was at Disneyland Standing by the fence. Hanging from the tree. You know how people like put them up in the tree and stuff? Yeah. Oh, my God. Maddie, Tapa Maddie, was at Disneyland with her child in the bathroom. You know when you're in a public, you just go into the stall together when you're a kid or whatever.

And as you were saying before, when children are learning to talk or they hear a word, they really just latch on to a saying because, you know, they might only know three sentences. So when they find a time to use it, they'll just keep rolling it out. And also if they get a bit of a laugh once, then that's it. Yeah. So Maddie was in the stall at Disneyland and her child says out loud, you know, it's a big bathroom.

And it would have been packed because Disneyland, there's like a million people there. Mum is pooing. And then Maddie always goes. And then she got the reaction. Yeah. Mummy's pooing. Mummy's pooing.

And all the other parents in the, you know, the bathroom at Disneyland are packed, huge thing. But everyone is just losing it. And you would. You would. You're in the bathroom at Disneyland, a packed huge theme park, everyone is just losing it. And you would. You would. You're in the next door. And because every other person in there, 50% of them were probably parents, so they're like, fuck, this has fucking happened to me.

Yeah, and so they're laughing, but then the kid here is laughing, so they – That just sets them off. It's like me with a joke. She's still there. She's still pooing. Mama's pooing. Mama's pooing.

Wouldn't you die, though? I mean, it Mama's pooing! Wouldn't you die though? I mean it's funny but just wouldn't you just die? It's funny and it's fine but like I've read I read on like a comment section once of someone similar and that their daughter was like why do you

have hair down there? And like there's obviously all these other people in the bathroom, like, can overhear what's going on. And she's like, oh, you know, like. Well, you know, once you came along, didn't have time to, you know, keep on top of everything. But, like, you're trying to explain, like, why does your body look different to mine in a fucking tax shopping centre?

Maybe I'll tell you at home some other time, sweetheart. Any other time. Literally, name at any time. It'll be fine. The virgin goes for a fashion. A nanny named Fran. Samantha's mum. Oh, that's nice.

Shout out to Samantha. Thanks, Samantha, for bringing that up. Well, her mum has multiple sclerosis. She's actually had a pretty rough time of it. Okay, well, sending you lots of love, Samantha. One of the great backtr it. Okay, well, sending lots of love to her mum as well. One of the great backtracks. Oh, it is.

She had to wear an eye patch with the multiple. Why are you laughing? No, I'm not laughing. It looks like you're laughing. No, I just recently watched the finale of New Girl where Nick and Jess get married. Spoilers. Really? I'm only up to season three. the finale of New Girl where Nick and Jess get married, spoilers. Really? I'm only up to season three.

And Jess has to wear an eye patch because she fucking anyway and she puts a googly eye on the eye patch and it's just very funny and that's just what I imagined. So a six-year-old comes over and asks her, excuse me, why are you a pirate? Why are you a pirate? Why are you a pirate? But not like, are you a pirate? Why are you a pirate? And Samantha's mum, and, you know,

you just got to roll with the punches when you do. And she replied to the six-year-old and just said, who doesn't want to be a pirate? Doesn't everyone want to be a pirate? It's so much fun. I love that, actually. And the six-year-old goes, yeah, who doesn't want to be a pirate? Doesn't everyone want to be a pirate? It's so much fun. I love that, actually. And the six-year-old goes, yeah, I want to be a pirate when I grow up. And she's like, well, talk to your careers counsellor

when you're in year 10. Yeah, get a pirate. Hope you love treasure. When you speak to your college advisor, ask what course you need to take to become a pirate. And you could be this too. That's pretty great. But I love Samantha's mum and how she just rolls with it.

That's very sweet. And like you're saying, I think you kind of have to, like. What are you going to do? Yeah. And how do you explain away, like, quite a serious. A six-year-old, multiple sclerosis is based on the nervous system. Yeah. Claire Wilson, three days after I had a baby, my stepson.

So the father had a kid from a previous relationship. Previous relationship, yep. Three days after I had a baby, my stepson, so the father had a kid from a previous relationship. Yep. Three days after I had a baby, my stepson asks, if you've already had the baby, why are you still fat? Could you imagine? Oh, sorry, mate. You know, snapping back is actually a really unrealistic expectation. Like, oh, my God.

And because they don't know. I'll tell you what's fucked, though. Yeah. There's always an article being like, let's be realistic about, you know, your body's changed because you've had a significant event. Of course. And then the next article will be like, three weeks after birthing her child, look how great fucking so-and-so is.

And I'm like, you're doing the thing. You're perpetuating this thing, yeah. It's pretty awful. And, like, you've obviously just, like, fucking given birth to a human. Yeah. Like, you're going to look a bit different, aren't you? You do, bro. You've just given, you've brought a child into this planet. Like, I think

we'll give her a free pass. Oh my god. Wonder if like did she mention whether she has a good relationship with the stepchild? I fucking hope she does. Cause like imagine Surely that kid's young though. Yeah. It's not a 15 year old. Not. You know what I mean? Like I'm assuming it's

like a 6 year old. The step kid's 18. Why are you still fat? Why are you still fat? Why are you still fat? I've got business to do. I've seen the internet. I know what happens with steps, family members. Are you talking about porn? There's a thing in, like, have you not seen it on TikTok?

No. So in porn, for some reason, they're always like the stepsister. Well, they can't be actual sisters, can they? No, but can't it just be another person? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. But it always starts with like they're trying to make it clear that it's the sibling, but then clear that they're not.

So I was always like, isn't it crazy that your mum married my dad? It's still fucking wrong. It's still fucking wrong. But there's this thing on tiktok where people are taking the piss out of that where it's like the stepsister comes in and goes oh can i borrow your charger and they're like and they're like uh yeah you can uh oh here we go i've seen how this plays out. I just want your charger, you fucker. That's so funny. Can I borrow your charger? You can.

It's at my house, though. Oh. Oh. No, okay. See, this doesn't make sense because you would never be without a charger and I would never be organized to have one. Yeah, that's true, actually. So this is an unrealistic setting.

Yeah. Could I move your car from an inappropriate place that you've parked? And I'll park it somewhere else? I've got a spot. Rebecca. Tapa Rebecca. Hey, Rebecca. She has beautiful curly hair. Oh, hi, Rebecca.

So she's picking up her niece from daycare. Oh, beautiful. But she couldn't get a fucking parking spot yet. Maybe, yeah, maybe. Maybe I was fucking her. Picking up her niece from daycare the other day. Oh, but she couldn't get a fucking bargain spot yet. Maybe, yeah, maybe. Maybe I was fucking her. Picking up her niece from daycare and the other kid, this kid, she doesn't even know because, you know, when it's like drop-off time or pick-up time, there's people coming and going.

Yeah. This other kid goes, oh, the hair on your head looks like the hair on my dad's pee-pee. Oh! And then the kid just walks off. my dad's pee-pee. Oh! And then the kid just walks off. There's no follow-up, there's no chat. He says, oh yeah, that's what dad's dick looks like. Anyway, have a great day.

Yeah, see you later. We've got Dunkaroos at home. What the fuck? Love to stay and chat, but I'm off home for a little snack. That is so funny. And finally. Oh, my God. Olivia.

A child looked at my stomach and straight up asks, are you pregnant? Which the number one rule of life, and let me be very clear about this. Do you know what the number one rule of life is? Yep. Never, ever comment or assume someone is pregnant unless you can physically see a baby coming out of them.

And even then? Question yourself. Maybe help instead of asking, are you pregnant? Because someone's just going to go, I'm obviously fucking pregnant. There's a baby coming out of my arsehole. Is that? We said the same thing. No, I definitely didn't say that. You of my arsehole. Is that? Yeah. We said the same thing. No, I definitely didn't say arsehole.

You said my arsehole. No. You did. Check the tape, everyone. Check the tape. Go back. You said arsehole. Because I just wanted to let you know that that's not actually like it's.

Yeah, but I was just making a joke, but you made the same joke. I don't think I did. You said my arsehole. Check the tape. Mate, I'm checking it. Get Franco to text me later. Olivia wasn't pregnant. And she goes, oh, no, I'm not.

There's no, like... No baby in here kind of thing. She goes, no baby living inside of me. Yep. And he goes, did the kid die? Yeah. And he goes, did the kid die? There's no kid living here because it's dead.

Like just. Oh, my God. Tapa, Olivia, I'm so sorry that he doesn't know the golden rule. But the follow up is even more fucked than the. But like just the genuine curiosity of being like, oh, is that what happened? You know what's fucking weird about this? Yeah. Is I actually reckon kids being curious and asking questions

is, like, a really good healthy thing. Yeah. And I know parents of four-year-olds probably say don't encourage it because they just, but why? But why? Yeah. But why? But why? But I actually think it's really healthy to ask why.

And I don't know. Can you explain it to me? Yeah. However. There are certain situations where. Is the baby dead? Did it die? Like, oh, my God.

Wow. Tony, pick me up. Pick me up. All right. Let's finish off the show on a high. That is brutal. That is so brutal. And I've got a dog to go collect.

And he's going to need lots of cuddles because he's had a tooth out. Yeah, he is. Where are you going to park? Do you want me to drop you off? Yeah, drop me off and I'll walk him home. Some smooth wheels that I could drop you off in. Would you let my dog in your car? We would now.

No, I'll walk him. I'll walk him home. I'll let him. I've got that thing in the back for the dog. Yeah. For Pippi. Yeah. Anyway, I found this, I saw this tweet and it fucking made me piss.

Honestly, this guy has posted a small tip. Putting doctor in your name smells a bit of an insecurity complex. I think I saw this. Did you? Yeah, which is interesting because Dr Tony Lodge often sneaks little doctor in there. So Dr Jenna Price replies and says, Nah, babe, it's sheer unalloyed joy at having completed a PhD in my 60s while working full time.

Yep. I'm extremely proud of myself. So you should, girl. Oh, I'm sad you think it's necessary to give me advice about my emotional well-being, though. Makes you look like a dickhead. Dr. Jenna Price. Dr. Jenna Price. Fuck me up. I saw that. Hilarhead. Dr. Jenna Price. Dr. Jenna Price, fuck me up.

I saw that. Hilarious. It's so good. And also what I was going to say is as a Dr. Tony Lodge, according to my Maya One card, not officially a doctor. Is it actually on your Maya One card though? It is. It is.

And all of the mail comes to Dr. Tony Lodge with my address underneath it. Then your neighbours would see it and go, she's a doctor. Yeah, she's a fucking doctor. I thought she was a fuckhead. Turns out you can be both. I'm a high chief. I just fucking love to see that. Yeah.

Not only the clap back, which is amazing, but completed your PhD in your 60s while working full time. Like, you're fucking kidding. That is insane. I couldn't do it if I had nothing else on. No. Like, there's just no way that that's happening for me, you know? My grandma, like, back in the day. Is this her?

No. But in her age, I think she left school when she was, like, 14 or 15 and, like, got a job in the cake shop or the bakery because that's just what females had to do then. Yeah. Like, why would you bother finishing school? Yeah. And when she was 55, she was like, no, I'm going to finish year 12.

And so she did year 12 English in her 50s because she just wanted to do it. And now she writes lots of poetries and she's written the book and she really likes writing. So she went back and did her English. That's amazing. That's so cool. Grandma Betty. Have you met Grandma Betty? No, I haven't. No, she said that the podcast is a bit too

rude for her. It's a lot for her. Yeah. She doesn't appreciate the PhD chat. She's a traditionalist when it comes to PhD. My love to see it. Oh my god, everything's crossing over today. It's from an Olivia And I assume It's a different Olivia

Than got asked If she was pregnant From the story before We'll see Finally quit my job After three years Working nights In a supermarket

And like She's just like It was what it was I had to get a job During COVID The supermarket's like We need help Stuck in shelves

And she's like I need a job Great Let's do it. Well, now I'm back doing what I love, earning more. Oh. And I've got more free time to finish my PhD. What a crazy coincidence all this.

The thing that kept me going doing the overnight stacking the shelves in the supermarket was listening to Tony and Ryan. The job, again, it was what it was. But she goes, hey. You got to do it. Everyone's had their shit job. If I can put my headphones in and these guys can keep me company while I'm doing it, then maybe it's not as bad as it has to be.

So she says thank you to you, Tony. Oh, Liv, any time. The best part is, talking about clapbacks, this has fucking got me worked up. Yep. The week I left, there was like a scheduling mix-up, you know, the rosters or whatever. Oh, yeah.

Remember fucking working a job, like where you'd go, oh, Jenny, could you do my Sunday and I'll do your Wednesday or whatever? Yeah. It was one of those ones. So the boss is panicked and he goes, oh, I know you've worked seven days straight, but I'm going to need you to come in on the 8th. Because she's got seven days straight, one day off

and then she's back for another whatever because, you know, busy times. And they're like, I'm going to need you to come in on that day off. And because Olivia is like... I'm about to quit. I think she might have, like, she's either about to or sort of has and is doing that kind of, you know. And how is the, like, the switch off after you've quit a job? I don't give a fuck anymore energy.

Yeah. This is what I replied to Olivia. Your scheduling failures are not my responsibility. My responsibility is taking care of myself and I need a day off today. Shit. care of myself and I need a day off today. Oh, shit. I'll tell you what, I've got a moist cunt. I hope people listen to yesterday's episode for the context of that, because if not, that is an extreme thing to say.

Oh, the screen's falling over. Oh, that means yours is about to go. Oh, we're almost done anyway. Oh, my God. Oh, yours is going out. Olivia has said, what are they going to do? Fire me? What a hot thing to say.

I hope that one day I get to say that to someone. Didn't you? You would never say that to me. No fucking way. You wouldn't say that to me. No way. I wouldn't. Although, hang on.

Now that it's all said and done, is it true that when you finished a job, they said, can you stay a bit longer? Yeah, they did. And what did you say? And I said, absolutely not. I said, you had the opportunity to keep me when I quit. I quit for a reason. Quit for a reason, not staying here.

A second more than I have to. Yeah, that was a few years ago. Yeah. But it did feel good, though. Yeah, and it feels good to breathe. It also is just nice that when people are like, oh, actually, we do need you. I'm like, yep.

Well, I worked here for five fucking years. I know you need me. See ya. See ya. Lodge out. Sorry. I don't know. I'm feeling kooky.

Yeah, you're feeling kooky. Is it the fucking strep sore? Yeah, well, you don't. I was going to say you strep up for the weekend. Nah, I'll shit myself. All right feeling kooky. Yeah, you're feeling kooky. It's the fucking strep sore. Yeah, well, you don't... I was going to say you strep up for the weekend. Nah, I'll shit myself. All right, you have a great weekend in New Zealand. And I am going to go and cuddle a puppy who is going to be drowsy on drugs. Are you having a little holiday?

I might sneak away. Yeah? We'll see how we go. So we are away, but like podcast as usual, so no one needs to really give a fuck, but we are away. Yeah. Have fun. Live your best life.

Love you. Hope that you loved the podcast this week and this video show. Are you going to come back engaged? What? No fucking way. Have a great weekend. Love you. Show me your hands, your fingers.

Have a great weekend. Love you. Show me your hands, your fingers. That's the coolest thing I've ever done. Seriously, though, when you go on holidays and you're in a relationship. Oh, my God. Yeah, I know. I've already had fucking 20 fucking people ask me.

I hate that I've contributed to it. No, you don't! But I love that I've set you up for one of the greatest fucking I was going to cut that out. I was going to be like, Franco, you need to cut that out, but you know what? My joke was so good that was staying in. See you Monday. Love you, bye.