Toni and Ryan - Is Ryan Ready?

Episode Date: December 13, 2022

In a different type of Audio Queen, we get a gauge of whether Ryan is ready for the birth of his baby, and the TARPers share what Ryan should buy *whoever he picked for Secret Santa* for Xmas. Love ya!! Toni xo Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Plus you can find the links to pre-order Toni's book here! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the show, Ryan, Vice Captain of the Ship here, author Tony Lodge, and we are calling Tony's hometown of Perth, and we are calling Phoebe. It's ringing. Hello? Hello, Phoebe? Yeah. Hi, it's Tony and Ryan, how are you? Oh my gosh, how are you? Yeah, you seemed like we were, are you? Oh, my gosh. How are you?

Yeah. You seemed like we were, are you in the middle of a drug deal or something? What's going on there, Phoebe? You sound very suspicious. What's going on? I'm so sorry. This is really embarrassing.

I was, like, lying in bed asleep. Oh, that's okay. No, no, no, that's okay. I was expecting this, like, next week. Next week? Yeah, I must have got my day's done. No, it, no, that's okay. I was expecting this, like, next week. Next week? Yeah, I must have got my days done. No, it's me. It is my fault.

It is my fault. I was like, oh, that's ridiculous today, is it? No, you're right. Well, did you want to approve the podcast or did you want us to call you back next week? Yeah, this is actually really inconvenient for me now. Of course I'll approve the podcast. It'll be my pleasure. I imagine she was like, can you call back next week? Yeah, this is actually really inconvenient for me now. Of course I'll approve the podcast. It'll be my pleasure.

Imagine she was like, can you call back next week? Oh, hang on, hang on, hang on. But also, Phoebe, I was just about to apologise for making another logistics and administration error. However, am I early? Early is definitely me, yeah. Days early. Yep, that's me.

Just very efficient and on time. Thank you. Classic Rad. Coming early, it's what you mean, days early. Yep, that's me. Just very efficient and on time. Thank you. Classic Rad, coming early, it's all good. Okay, then. Hey, this is Phoebe from Perth, and I approve this podcast. Coming up today, I've asked people in the TARP community, TARP Standing For, Tony and Ryan podcast. In our Facebook group, you can join at any time.

All the information's in our show notes. I said I need some help getting a secret Santa gift. For someone in the business. So in the Tony and Ryan podcast business, there are two people. There are Tony and Ryan. We're not going to reveal who we got. No, because we did a secret draw. Yeah, but I didn't get me.

And I wanted some help with what to get for a present and the tapas were categorically unhelpful. Okay. I'm really sorry about that. But, I mean, if you know this person well, which hopefully you do, surely you wouldn't need help from strangers on the internet, would you? Well, I told them what I was planning on getting you and why that wasn't possible in the timeframe. And so I was like, here's a clue about what I was thinking.

Right. And they went, well, if you can't get that, what about this? And I was like, fuck you. Did anyone suggest, like, get me a new car or something? No, because we already know and we've heard that you've already got one. Yeah. Someone did suggest like some Audi merch. It's like you've had with your Audi cap and your Audi driving gloves.

And I did look up if Audi had driving gloves with the Audi in them. And they were like, yeah, yeah, no, we've got them. But it was like an Amazon link and it was like some bloke in the Philippines just like ironed on an Audi like a couple of circles on some of the dodgy old gloves. I was like, oh, yeah, no, we've got them. But it was like an Amazon link and it was like some bloke in the Philippines just like ironed on an Audi, like a couple of circles on some of the dodgy old gloves. I was like, oh, that doesn't really feel right. But yeah, there was a bit of Audi chat. When I bought my car.

Yeah. Did you buy a car? Yeah. What sort? I bought an Audi. Fuck righto. And they're like, because I got along really well with the guys that sold me the car and they gave me like all the merch and stuff.

Did they? And so I got like a block of the guys at Summer of the Car and they gave me like all the merch and stuff. Did they? And so I got like a block of chocolate that was Audi branded, just like all this random stuff and an Audi water bottle and an Audi umbrella. Yeah. Is there a perfect little spot in the car where it sits? No, it's just like in the boot but it's in like a cover and stuff so you don't put it in the car while it's wet

and it doesn't get water everywhere. But like the other day, well, a few weeks ago, it was raining and I used it and I just felt like the biggest cock head. Fuck head, yeah, and you should have felt like that. But it was a really good umbrella. Where were you? I was going out for breakfast with my uncle. Oh, right.

A few weeks ago. Yeah, so it was a few weeks ago. As you roll in to see your uncle and you rock up with your Audi umbrella, oh, sorry, mate, it's just raining. Let me put my Audi umbrella away. I was kissing with her. To see your uncle and your rock up with your Audi umbrella. Oh, sorry, mate, it just rained. Let me put my Audi umbrella away. I'm doing very well. Yeah, and he pulls out his Aldi umbrella. Not quite the same.

We'll get to that soon, but first the audio queen. The Aldi-o queen. The Aldi-o queen. Now, I'm on the record as saying dream chat is always boring. Other people's dreams are never interesting. But it's fun to tell people about your dream. You know what I mean? It's all about the teller and not about the listener.

Exactly. It's a selfish act to tell someone about your dream. So let me just say I'm aware that Dreamchat is shit chat. And you're actually, if I may say, the one who banned it from the podcast. I think maybe. And you've told more dream stories than I have. I told one and you went, dream chat, shit. And then you've told about three since then.

I think we can all agree that I'm not the kind of person who will say something and do the other. List 200 times I've done that. You can't. Fuck. You can't. That is such a bad thing. You actually can't. You can't even mention 200. You couldn't even List 200 times I've done that. You can't. Fuck. You can't. That is such a bad thing. You actually can't.

You can't even mention 200. You couldn't even mention 200. I thought maybe combined with the skills of the audio queen, Tony is a sound engineer by trade, that maybe that might bring this dream to life and make it valuable to people to hear, not just for someone to tell. Are you good enough as an audio queen to make this story interesting?

That is the question. A hundred percent. All right. So. I make your shit stories interesting all the time. And I thank you for that. Is there a bit of beef on the pod today? We all good?

I'm fired up. Yeah. Okay. I'm excited. In a good way. Yeah. All right. Okay.

Okay. Not with you. All right. Because you and I got to stick together when you hear the shit that comes our way coming up soon with the present recommendations. We're on the same team, man. All right. Yeah, okay. Love you.

There's a bit of back and forth. We've got to stick together. All right. I love your body. I love you too. I had a dream about the birth of my baby. Is that really like, do you think that's because it's feeling really real now? Because you're telling people like we announced on the pod, you guys did your little Instagram post,

you had your 20 week scan. I don't know. Someone will probably tell us in the episode thread that this means something, but I have really frustrating dreams where I'm trying to do something, but then like suddenly I don't have shoes on. And then suddenly like I can't find the car keys and it just like becomes really difficult to do anything. You know what it sounds like? That means that you're feeling stuck in your real life. Are you feeling trapped about something? In fact, I've never felt more calm.

Yeah, okay. Oh, that's probably a lie with the baby and stuff. But like I'm – But like I wouldn't say – I'm sure that means – That's an exhilarating thing. But that like that dream sounds like you're feeling a bit trapped. I know.

Is there something that you feel like you can't finish or do or get to? Well, I can't get to many places because I don't have a car. And thus, the day of my child's birth, that is a major topic. Yeah, okay. But it's been like that for like 10 years. Like I've always had these really frustrating dreams. Like I'll be about to play a volleyball game and then it's like, oh, but where are your volleyball shoes?

And you're like, oh, fuck, now I can't play. I haven't strapped my wrists. I can't do it. It's not funny. Sorry. I fucking hate. What's that movie? Top Gun.

Volleyballs don't trap their wrists. It's not real. It's not real. Ryan only played indoor volleyball, so maybe that's why. I played outdoor. I played beach volleyball. Two times. Australian University Games got me.

Not a big deal. Don't bring it up outdoor. I played beach volleyball. Two times. Australian University Games gold medalist. Not a big deal. Don't bring it up much. I bought an Audi. And you probably got laid in high school. So we're at home and Bridget's, the waters burst. Okay, they don't burst. They break. Fuck.

I've got to get my terminology right. So her waters break and that sounds like. Fuck. I've got to get my terminology right. Yeah. So her waters break and that sounds like. So. Oh!

Yeah. That's Bridget. Yeah, that's good. That's good. And so Bridget really wants to get to the hospital as soon as possible because like it's happening. Ryan, we've got to get to the hospital. My water's a boost. Because she's a Kiwi. She's a Kiwi, but she does not sound like that.

And you know that. That's what Kiwis sound like. For the sake of the audio cream, we'll go with it. Sorry, are you editing my work again? No, I would never. So then I go to check the bus timetable. Oh, bloody hell, Bridget. I've got to get the bus timetable.

Where am I from? You're from Australia. Okay. Apparently. I don't have a car. I don't. have a car. I don't have a car. If only Tony had let me borrow her Audi. So in a moment of panic and honesty, because, you know,

when it's crunch time, Bridget finally says what she thinks about Ryan not owning a car. Why didn't you just buy another car when I bloody told you to? Oh, no. She's going to be confused. She's not Blinky Bill. She's New Zealand. Why didn't you get another car when I told you to?

And then I'm going to ad lib here and say, hang on, Bridget, I've got to poo before we go because I'm guessing that you probably would need to poo in a moment of strife. Yeah. Oh, but you never know when your next opportunity is going to be. Exactly. So I pick up my phone to check the bus timetable. But the battery's dead.

It's as if you're telling us the story of the birth. And this is Bridget's reaction to the phone battery being dead. Why didn't you put your phone on charge just like I told you to? So we finally get to the bus station and we can hear the bus coming down dead. Why didn't you put your phone on charge just like I told you to? So, we finally get to the bus station and we can hear the bus coming down and then pulling up at the bus stop. How did you get to the bus station? Did you make Bridget walk?

Her waters have just burst. The bus stop's like 50 or 100 metres from our house. Research Rowan Dock Road. You're gonna make her walk to the fucking bus. Okay, here's the bus pulling up. That's the doors. So we get into the bus and in the bus.

Have you got change? I've got a Mikey. Has Bridget got a Mikey? I hope so. Have you both got enough change? Because I need exact change as the bus driver. Well, you just tap on. Yeah, but does she have a Mikey?

Because you've got about five Mikeys in your wallet. Yeah, and they're all like negative money. That wasn't part of the dream, to be fair. Okay, but I'm just showing you what it will be like when this happens. So in the bus, there's a bunch of young American girls bitching about some other girls. Oh, my God. Amanda's such a bitch.

Yeah, I know. What a whore. There's also a bunch of English football fans catching the bus to the game. Olé, olé, olé, olé. Oh, yuck. I've got water on me shoes. That's Bridget's water breaking again. There's also an old Italian nonna on her way to the market, and she's telling her daughter

about the ingredients she's getting. Oh, I've got to get a summer chicken for the schnitzel and the spaghetti bolognese. And there's also a bunch of New York squirrels on the bus doing what they do best. Hey, I'm splooting here. So the bus finally arrives at the hospital and it pulls up. And Ryan and Bridget get to the birthing suite. And being the planned and prepared father that he is,

And being the planned and prepared father that he is, Ryan says something that he thinks Bridget will find calming and motivational. I really need the toilet again. I forgot the baby bag. I really need the toilet. My phone's dead and Daughter McDaughterface is officially the name. What I assume will be 10 to 15 minutes later. I really need the toilet again.

My phone's still dead. What I assume will be 10 to 15 minutes later, the baby is crowning, and the midwives ask Bridget for- 15 minutes later! Hey, whose dream is this? Is crowning, and midwives ask Bridget for one big final push. And that sounds like. And then the baby arrives in the world for the very first time.

Why'd you call me daughter McDaughter? I actually have written here and then says her first words, but that was it. Why did you call me daughter McDaughterface? Where's my good mother? Is probably the first thing she'll say. Where's Tony? You guys are boring.

I've heard her for months. I've been hearing her chat. Can you guys go? So that was the dream i had the other night wow did you tell bridget about the dream i prefer to not bring any like negative we're just being positive yeah and planned okay um but she did say i think this is maybe what brought it on so the night like before the dream yeah she said, have you done much research about the birthing suite and what happens and what's maybe expected of you

and what's some things you can do to help me? Yep. And I went, no. Like, not yet. Like, that's months away. But I sort of had this thought of like, oh, no, I haven't done any practice. So maybe this dream is saying, hey, Ryan.

I would. Maybe start reading up, bro. Because this doesn't sound like a good thing. I mean, the splooting squirrels is a good thing. That's a good thing, yeah, and that would be cute. I hope they're there on the day. I would definitely make sure that you have a few power banks for your phone charged up and just ready to go

because the last thing that you would want is for, because you don't have a car, you're trying to order an Uber, her water's breaking, you know. I mean, I've had worse things than an Uber this year. Yeah. That's what led us to this. That's what led us to this. Maybe you get a two-for-one.

If you jizzy in the car, we'll take the baby for free. Hey, this is Phoebe from Perth and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive shout out to a few of our champion tapas over at our Patreon. You can check it out anytime you like. You can also join our Facebook group. Check us out on Instagram and TikTok. All of that info is in the show notes every single day because I do it and I just love to do it for everybody and provide that service

for free. Kira Adams, thank you so much. Thomas Anand, bloody love you. Ali Druckert, Riley Morgan and George Wendell. George Wendell. Yep. Big G. Couple of babies being made over there I reckon. Not the way they're doing it. I highly doubt it. I highly doubt that. In fact, the amount of babies babies being made over there, I reckon. Not the way they're doing it. I highly doubt it.

I highly doubt that. In fact, the amount of babies not being made. Yeah, it probably says more about it. We love you, George. Thank you so much. We actually would like some help. Would we? Yeah.

We are doing the first annual anonymous tarpon survey. Oh. So there is currently a link in our like link tree yep that's the anonymous tarpa survey and it's just got some questions about like how you listen when you listen what you like what you don't like and then that will help us like what we're going to do next year yeah because this is a podcast for the people it's for yeah you the tarpas are in charge you're in charge and that's why it's anonymous because we're actually not just like asking for praise yeah and don't stress about like in charge, you're in charge, and that's why it's anonymous because we're actually not just, like, asking for praise. Yeah, and don't stress about, like, you know when you click on a survey

and people go, it takes 30 seconds, but then you've got to put your phone number in, your email. No details. We don't need your name, we don't need your phone number, literally just the information. Be as scathing as you want. Well, actually, there's a bunch of multiple choice questions, and if there's one thing I've learnt from TARPers choosing the movies

is that they don't understand multiple choice questions. They'll go, what do you prefer out of these four? Well, let me fucking tell you. Let me give you a fifth option. There is a section at the end

saying any thoughts and you can place it there. Yeah, so there's a spot where you can kind of freehand but there's just a few questions. It shouldn't take long and again,

we don't need any of your information. This isn't so we can add you to some fucking weird mailing list. Like it's a legit just like data collecting exercise. We'll put the link in the Facebook group and it will be in our link tree, which you can find like at our Instagram buyers and stuff.

Thank you for making the show of 2023, putting it together. Yeah, thank you so much. We're trying to make what you want, trying to serve the people. Exactly, and that's all we want to do. So, well, I get on my high horse, but I'm glad that Tarp is helping us. So I won't say who I got in the Tony and Ryan Secret Santa. Because that would ruin the surprise. We are going to exchange gifts, though, on Friday.

Yeah. What has been one of our, not that we're like big, like, party song, party anthem people, but between the two of us, what's been like a big, and this is like earlier in the year, but there was a real pump-up song for us. Oh, is it that? We listened to it like on the way to Sydney like 500 times. Is it?

It's either. Okay. Yeah, there's two of them. Love the dick. Love the dick. Love the dick. Ooh, love that dick. It's either that or.

It's not that song. She says she too young to want a man. What's the next line? Sushi in Japan. We listened to that song driving over the Sydney Harbour Bridge after 10 hours of being in the car together. So I actually, for whoever I got, tried to order sushi from Japan because of the song. Like the food? Yeah. You tried to order sushi from Japan because of the song.

Like the food? Yeah. You tried to order sushi from Japan? Yeah. To eat? Yeah. Because like in the song and apparently it's possible when you're because from Japan to like the west coast of the US isn't that far.

And apparently there's like for a bazillion dollars, they actually you can order it and it goes on an overnight flight and it's in an icebox and it's like fresh as fuck and just incredible. Like it's a real thing. And so I was like, we love that song. You love Japan. That is a crazy gift idea. I think I just want to like see if it's possible.

And it turns out that to Australia it's like I couldn't figure it out. Yeah, that's fair enough. Without it being like a one-off $10,000 because there's a company, a few companies that like do this. That fly it in. Yep. But again, it goes to San Fran and LA and it's pretty expensive and it's a one-off.

So I said, look, this is kind of what I was thinking. Okay, that is crazy. And it's not possible. Yep. So what else can we do? And I'll just read some of these, and you tell me if you think they're on our side. Okay.

First of all, E&R, you're fucking kidding me, said, I mean, this is actually quite practical. I mean, you can technically still order it. The song doesn't say anything about the sushi arriving. In the song, it just says, I ordered sushi doesn't say anything about the sushi arriving in the song. It just says, I ordered sushi from Japan. It's not like in the follow-up verse, like, and then it turned up and we ate it and it was still kind of fresh.

It was so good. Yeah. That is a good point. Ultimately unhelpful. Ultimately unhelpful. But, like, you don't. It's implied. Don't you hate being the guy, though, on Christmas,

that's like, I've ordered you something, but it hasn't come yet. Well, let's not hate on those people until we see what happens Friday. Oh, don't do that. Don't do that. I don't want. Let's just. I'll be really hurt if that's what you do. Don't you fucking do that.

No, because that, like, that sucks. Yep, that does suck. Chloe Hughes. Why don't you get Tony an emergency if you shit yourself survival kit because we know tony has trouble in cars uh it can have mini air fresheners a car leather cleaner dodgy bag split spare clothes and it could be a little kit i think it'd be really cute that is actually quite a cute idea but not what i want okay Okay. Bianca Murray says, why don't you buy your mum's coffee machine for Tony and give it to her?

Not the new one, the old one that she's trying to sell on Facebook Marketplace for $20. It comes with one fucking Dolce Gusto Ristretto pod. That's a great deal. For those of you playing at home and new to the pod, my mum has had a coffee pot for eight years, never cleaned it once. She bought it for $80.

She's trying to sell it on Marketplace for $20. Fuck, just throw it out there. Yeah, never cleaned it.. She bought it for $80. She's trying to sell a marketplace for $20. Fuck, just throw it out there. Yeah, never cleaned it. It's like the shittest thing ever. If the thing I'm waiting for, that's a good alternative. You should buy that off your mum, like anonymously, like get it sent to her like a ghost address and then give it to her for Christmas.

I've got a great deal on this kind of shit. I don't believe it. That's a great idea. Kate Smiley. Okay. I'm so mad at fucking smiling. I don't know where you should get Tony for Christmas, if you have her. Why don't you get her a promise to always be on time with a fully charged phone?

That is a good gift. Is it deliverable? You wouldn't have to worry about postage then, I guess. No, I can arrange for that to be here. Well, can I? Can you? How ironic. You're worrying about postage every day then?

That's your gift and I deliver it late? It's not ready on Friday? I don't have anything for you to unwrap, however. Well, Charlotte Farker, and seriously, Charlotte, go fuck a year. Charlotte Farker? I hardly know her. Charlotte Farker, and seriously, Charlotte, go fuck a year. Charlotte Farker?

I hardly know her. She says, Brian, getting that gift for Tony, the one of the fully charged phone being arrived, would actually be harder than getting the sushi from Japan. Fuck you, Charlotte. Josh said, why don't you get her a signed copy of her own book? Also a good idea, but wouldn't come before before Christmas Yeah, that would take a while Pre-orders only

Get it from Booktopia or Book Depository Nice I don't need therapy Nothing lies, I've told myself I mean, in the other day In the podcast you said I don't love therapy I love therapy

No, and you didn't know the title of it Ollie Hushenwood says Why don't you get her a chair With Robert Pattinson's face on it So she can sit on his face all day I actually have some sad news though Hoshinwood says, why don't you get her a chair with Robert Pattinson's face on it so she can sit on his face all day? I actually have some sad news, though. Lots of people have shared into the Facebook group and tagged me on Facebook that he is

official with somebody else now. Well, they've been together for years, but they were like- Which is actually really hard for me because obviously like seeing an ex get together with someone new is really hard. I'll be wearing black to show that I'm in mourning. We're all mourning. Apparently they've been dating for like four years, but this was their first like red carpet public thing.

Yeah. I think the new official is going to the basketball. Are you feeling that? Yeah, yeah, that is pretty, yeah. But is that just like, I feel like that's a real PR thing because obviously you get photographed there. Absolutely. So it's like. It's a very deliberate thing because obviously you get photographed there. Absolutely. So it's like.

It's a very deliberate move. You don't just decide. Yeah. I could never go to the hot dog, go to the basketball if I. Never go to the hot dog. I've met you and that is not true. What are you thinking about? What I was about to say is I could never go to the basketball

if I was a famous person because I'd be stuffing my face with like the food. How could the mustard have been fucking this place? You know, they're all taking photos of me and I've fucking got, like, shit all over my Spilling shit, there's mustard on his shirt. There's all these celebrities around me and I'm like. Should we go on our US tour? Yeah, 100%.

I'd love to go. I'm going to buy the jersey and everything. Yeah, sick. So a question. Question. Is if Robert Pattinson was your, like, hot crush at the time, who's your, like, go-to now? Is it still him?

I mean, he's still doing good work. He's still an incredibly beautiful man. Yeah, he is. Well, remember when we talked about my top three crushes and it was Ders from Workaholics, Childish Gambino, and Travis Barker slash Pete Davidson? I don't think we could pick between the last two. And that's still pretty, yeah, okay.

I'd say that that's probably still, yeah. Finally, Sheridan Clark says, Hi, Sheridan. Surely you should get whoever you got. Yeah, no spoilers. The Dyson Airwrap. Because, so we read an ad once and it gets played lots of times. So we only heard it once, but I think in some countries

that ad has been played a billion times. Yeah. So every day they hear you going, I wish someone got me a Dyson Airwrap for Christmas. Well, I already have one. And I say that in the ad. I say, oh, but I'd love the other colour. Oh.

Yes. Which colour do you have? I have the nickel and fuchsia, like the grey and pink one. And so like what's the other colour that you would prefer? Will you say it in the end? It's like something in rosé. Oh, that sounds familiar. Do you remember?

Yeah. The rosé. Yeah. I don't need another air up. And they are very expensive. I did not spend that much money on you. They're like $800. So thank you everyone for your help and support.

Yeah. I was expecting to get roasted a bit more than that, so appreciate that people didn't go super hard. Don't go read the comment thread. But also, oh, I think five nicest ones. I've edited this. Yeah, a bit of editorial from you. Oh, make that a bit less mean.

I'm also probably just upset that you don't feel like you know me well enough to come up with your own gift. Are you telling me that you would not have appreciated sushi from Japan? That is really thoughtful, actually. Yeah. When you first were saying it, I was like, do you mean like order the vinyl? No, I mean. Of the song?

Yeah, but that's why I was like. Would you like the vinyl was something you would appreciate? No. Well, I mean, yeah, because it's a personal joke, but that's why I was like, the food? What do you mean? We're not mucking around here. Question, how much did you spend on whoever you got?

Do you really want me to say? Yep. It was about $250. What the fuck? Yeah. But I'm not telling you that in a shamey way or to make you feel bad. We said no limit, low or high, just something meaningful and nice for the other person.

Whoever I got, my gift was about $250. So the main thing was like $200 and then the thing to go with it was like $50. To go with it? It'll make sense when you say it. It'll make sense when you say it. It'll make sense when you say it. So it's like a- I really hope you-

A complimentary item? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like rum and Coke. Yeah, exactly. $50 on Coke? I could- That's true. I could give it to you without the other thing, but I feel like it makes it a finished kind

of like- Yeah. Encapsulates the whole- Oh my God, sorry. I makes it a finished kind of like. Yeah. Encapsulates the whole. Oh, my God. Sorry. I'm feeling nervous. Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. That sounds good. I'm excited. But like, again, that is not so that you feel like. This is just something really nice that I think. I've just found something that costs $251. We'll see who likes it. Yeah, $251.

I'm just wondering. But I feel, I don't want you to feel bad at all. I don't feel bad. Okay, good. Not bad much, really. It's because I'm an arsehole. Yeah. I have no feelings.

I never do. I never have. I've got to get off the seat to finish off here. Do I need permission from your finance team to talk about finances on the pod? Is that a thing? I've got a tweet here from bad boy Chad Hoy. Sounds bad. Is that a thing? Fuck off. I've got a tweet here from bad boy Chad Hoy. Righto. Sounds bad.

And I just read this tweet and was like, well done, bro. Take that on. I appreciate that. I love a finance joke because I'm a bit of a nerd doing an MBA. My credit score is really low, but that's because I want to protect myself from identity theft. No one can take a mortgage out in my name if I can't even take a mortgage out myself.

And I was like, yeah, good play. Steal my identity. Good luck with that one, bro. Do your worst. Do you know what always makes me laugh when people are like, oh my god, my credit my debit card got skimmed at the petrol station or whatever and they took $10,000. I'm like

who's got $10,000? Like genuinely, who is getting around with it? Like, I would understand if it was, like, in a savings account or whatever. But who has... In their day-to-day. In their, like, debit card, like, with access to that much money? I'm just, like, blown away by that. Why do you need that much, like, in your coming and going?

Yeah, I know. And so like I understand, like obviously people have savings and stuff. Like I'm not being a fuckhead. Like, oh, who's got that much money? Like, I get it. But like, wouldn't it be somewhere else? But whenever, so I once my credit card, not my credit card, sorry, my debit card got

skimmed somewhere. Yeah. And they bought all this stuff and they bought like domino's in Brazil and they spent $300 at shoes.com. Like it was just like all this really random shit. They bought heaps of fast food from like around the world. Like I don't really know how it happened, but it was like Domino's Brazil, Subway LA, like all this random stuff.

Sushi from Japan. Did I? Domino's KFC. I wonder who it could have been. And it was like, ended up being like $500 altogether. And I was like fucked without that. It was while I was like working radio, Torbs was studying. And I was like fucked and it was $500.

You claim it back, they figure it out. They ended up figuring it out. But it took like two months. Yeah, it took ages. And because they were like, well, shoes.com, that could have been you. So they had to like legitimise. Each one. Yeah.

Because would some people go, oh, I've been hacked, and they'd buy themselves all this shit? Well, maybe. But I guess it's like. Oh, and it all got delivered to the place next door to me. I guess like. Maybe my neighbour stole it. I could obviously prove that I wasn't in Brazil.

And I could obviously prove that I like wasn't in LA. But I couldn't prove that I like wasn't in LA but I couldn't prove that I didn't like do online shopping but could you like I mean surely anyone can just google Domino's LA and order a pizza online I mean why would you I guess so yeah that's true remember those tv ads with the falcon so ANZ the bank here in Australia had a falcon like a bird and the joke was like the falcon was this like anti, anti-theft guy. So if someone's using your credit card in Thailand, the falcon just flies over and starts attacking them.

Yeah, and, like, knock the card out of their hands and stuff. I wonder where that falcon is now. Well, maybe I wish that I was with ANZ because maybe it wouldn't happen. But anyway, yeah, so, like, when people say that, though, anyway, sorry, small tangent, but it always blows my mind when people are like, so when you go, yeah, take out my identity, I'm like, well, you can't fucking do anything. Good luck, sweetheart. Anyway, sorry, small tangent. But it always blows my mind when people are like, so when you go, yeah, take out my identity,

I'm like, well, you can't fucking do anything. Good luck, sweetheart. It's worth nothing. My love to see it is, do you remember Zach Galifianakis? Yeah. Do I remember? Like an old timer. He still gets, yeah, absolutely. No, but, you know, he's, like, not really doing anything at the moment.

Between Two Ferns is one of them. Is he still doing that? I don't know, but it's one of those things that pops up on my TikTok all the time. Yeah, the little shorts and stuff. Well, obviously he was in The Hangover and everything. But before he was famous, he just used to like live in fucking wherever he was living. And it turns out, this story has gone a bit viral, that he was friends with this old lady that he met in a laundromat.

And when he started doing movies, so he was in The Hangover and that was his first big movie and he got a big payout and he took this little old lady, Mimi, to the red carpet with him and whenever he was in the same town as her, he would take her as his date to all these big events and she was like this little old lady. She was homeless and he got her an apartment and paid her rent for decades.

Really? And like her family passed away and he like spent time with her and stuff and they ended up being like really big, really good friends and they remained friends even after he like got famous. And, yeah, every time he was in town, they would like hang out. What a sweetheart. And he like got her an apartment and like, yeah, was paying her rent.

I tell you what I like about that. Yeah. Is that there's a lot of like YouTubers that are like giving out money to homeless people so the video goes viral. Yeah. And there's a bit, I kind of like that he didn't tell anyone. Yeah, it wasn't like a thing. Yeah. Until now, he sold viral? Yeah. And there's a bit, I kind of like that he didn't tell anyone. Yeah, it wasn't like a thing. Yeah.

Until now, he sold out. Yeah. And they were friends for almost 27 years until she died when she was 96. But just before she died, she said, if he's in town, he takes me out. I dress up nice and a friend helps me with my makeup. It's really fun and not something I've ever dreamed I'd experience. The limo takes me home afterwards. Isn't that beautiful?

Isn't that just the sweetest thing you've ever heard? Second sweetest thing I've ever heard. What's the first sweetest? I know we watched the Santa Claus the other day. Yeah. But you know when the little kid goes, I got you soy milk because last year you... You said you were lactose intolerant.

I fucking melted. But he's such an asshole. He's like, this is sour. Yeah, he is an asshole. Yeah, he is a bit of an asshole. Okay, you know what? Yeah. Fuck that little girl.

Let's go with Zach the Balagal. That is the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Beautiful. Thanks for coming around in the end. Beautiful, beautiful. Thank you. Yeah, I just thought that was so nice, and you fucking love to say that. You do love to say that.

That is beautiful. On Friday, the official exchanging of Secret Santa gifts. We'll find out who everyone got. Who has who, yeah. And there'll be an exchanging of gifts, which will be excellent. Can't wait. But tomorrow, Normal or Nar is back. Yes.

All right, chat to you then. Love you, bye.