Toni and Ryan - It's an Assh🍑le Heavy Show

Episode Date: March 5, 2024

We apologise. We realllllly apologise (for all the assholes). Love ya!! Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Dr. Author Tony Lodge. And we are calling, I believe it's Jamie in Oregon. Jamie in Oregon? Yep. In Portland. Portland. Have you ever watched Portlandia? I've seen like a scene. It's too cool for me. I don't get it. Yeah.

Hello, hello. Hi. Jamie. Hi. It's Tony and Ryan. How are you doing? Good. How are you guys? We are well.

Now, Tony's just said she couldn't watch Portlandia, the show, because she's not cool enough. Would she be cool enough to live in your town? Yes, because this might be a sin for Portland, but I have actually never watched it. Is it because you're so cool you're like, I don't even need to watch it? Like, I've lived it.

Like, I lived Portlandia. I'm not so much the cool part, but definitely the I've lived it. Like, I don't need to watch it. I'll pay that. Yeah, that's fair. I haven't watched Melburnia, so. Yeah. I'll tell you what used to freak me out.

What? That I hung out with, like, at least a bunch of doctors one day and they worked like 12 hours at like different sort of doctors, like a medical doctor. Oh, okay. Not just like I decided I was a doctor doctor. Sure. But they would spend 12 hours a day working in a hospital and then go home and like watch Grey's Anatomy.

And I'm like. Oh, nah. Shop chat. Yeah. I can't get in the car and listen to a podcast. No, fuck no. No. So I feel that, Jamie. I feel it. Yeah. You're living it every day. Yeah. Will can't get in the car and listen to a podcast. No, fuck no. So I feel that, Jamie.

Yeah, you're living it every day. Will you approve today's episode? I will absolutely approve this episode. We're officially cool. You heard it here first. Portland approved. This is Jamie from Portland, Oregon, and I a stressful morning. Tony has come in.

I got very stuck in traffic this morning. Yeah, and you... Which is not my style. I'm never late. I don't want to say you look dishevelled, but you've come in claiming, you're like, is my hair okay? Do I need a hat? What's going on?

What's going on with the fringe? Okay. Do you have a fringe date, a fringe update? No, fringe date. Yeah. Fringe gate, maybe. Fringe gate. No, so I asked.

So the hair looking dishevelled actually has nothing to do with the morning that I've had. Okay. Which is not boding well for how the fringe looks. But I actually have decided that maybe I would try doing like a bit more of a messy look on my fringe like how Taylor Swift wears it. Would you say that since you saw her that your life feels a bit different and you're changing your ways?

I feel like a new woman. But where are we going to find one this time of night? No. And then so like last night, instead of like blow drying my fringe, I just like let it dry. So that's why it's disheveled. Sorry, I regret saying that word. And then this morning I like said to Torbs, I was like, oh,

like before I left, I'm like, oh, like what do you reckon about my fringe? He's like, oh, it's a bit like different. Torbs, that's not good. And I was like, oh, yeah, I'm thinking about like wearing it a little bit messier and he's like, like Taylor Swift. And I was like, yeah, that is it. So just to confirm, you would say Taylor Swift has changed life. Yeah.

What do we think about the fringe though? Shout out to everyone on Patreon. We thought that one and lost us. No. Did I just get a bingo? Tony bingo. Because after the concert happened and you didn't say it changed your life, everyone was concerned because you're like, well, she's not going to say it.

No, hang on. You led me to that. Yeah. No, that's not allowed. You can take a dog to water and if it drinks it, then it's not thirsty. That's what the saying is. I have heard that. But I don't think you're allowed to lead me to get a bingo.

When else was you going to go to Taylor Swift again? That doesn't matter. That's not how it works. Oh, bingo drama, bingo drama. For those playing along home, within Patreon there is Tony Bingo and many predicted you would at one stage say Taylor Swift has changed my life. You can't lead me to that though. But it's literally changed your hairstyle, which is a part of your life.

Yeah, but you can't lead. Anyway, so what do we think? Should I put my hat on? No, I like the like. It's just a little bit. Because you know how you're like an easy breezy, beautiful cover girl. Yeah. I feel like just having like a messy, just like, yeah, I got off.

I got a fringe, whatever. That's the whole idea. Hey, welcome to the north side. Yeah. Yes. Look at you not wearing denim but all denim. No. Because you don't wear jeans.

It's jeans. Yeah. But that's what I mean. So you're no jeans but full denim today. Denim play suit. Yeah. You look like a fucking north. You look like you were born on High Street, Preston.

And the fucking convert. Fucking welcome to the north side. Platform converse as well. Guys. So do we hat or no hat? No, and the fucking Converse. Fucking welcome to the North Side. Platform Converse as well. Guys. So do we hat or no hat? No, no hat. No hat? Now that I know the backstory.

Okay. And it's not related to you swearing C words at people in traffic this morning. No, that was not me, and I will stand, but I will fucking die by that sword. Someone in your car was yelling. If it came from the Audi, you get associated to it. Oh, fuck. Okay. But today, actually speaking of your beautiful partner, Torbs, who to be fair was a bit of a slip up from him this morning.

He's usually better than that. He is normally better than that. We learnt last week that he put a band-aid on your asshole. But it wasn't even on my asshole. It was just like on my cheek of my bum. A butt cheek. Okay. So just this huge band-aid on my bum and it was not sexy.

So Tarpers have shared stories that the topic is I did it because I love you. Yeah. It might not be nice. It might not be sexy. But I love you and in your time of need, I'm prepared to help. Yep. Absolutely. Miley's partner had severe constipation.

Oh, put a finger in their bum. Is that what you've got to do? She said there was aching, there was straining, and they asked, can you lube up a finger to loosen it up a bit to make it easier to pass? Stir it like a cup of tea. Yeah. Oh. But it wouldn't be this way.

It would probably be that way. Or maybe laying on the bed and you. Imagine if the poo came out. Doggy style. Ryan. It's not doggy style. What are you doing at your house? That's not how I've heard the positioning.

No, but if you go vertically. You want to do doggy style? He goes, yeah. Let me lube my finger up. No, but like. That's a messy fringe. No, because they're facing the other way. That's what I was getting at.

Dig up. Dig up. Dig in, apparently. I regret talking. Doggy style. Is that what you were doing at your place? Because they're facing the other way. You don't have to go outside for it or anything.

I did this for love, says Miley. And surprisingly, yes, it worked. Did it? And also surprisingly, yes, we're still together. Well, you're just bonded for life after that, aren't you? Like there's no coming back from that. I read the other day or maybe I watched a TikTok or maybe I read it in a comment on our Facebook group.

Like, you know, there's not many things that I do lately that are. The internet found you. Yeah, yeah. Something presented itself to me. Don't say presented itself to me. Yep. And apparently, like, if your dog is in a fight and it, like, won't let go or it's, like, biting someone and won't let go,

you're supposed to put a finger up its butt. And, again, I don't know. This might be unfounded. Do you have to ask the dog for consent? Or is it in defence of the other person? Well, because I think it's literally like to disarm the dog. I don't think that's just a dog. If I was in a fight and someone put their finger in my arsehole,

I'd probably stop. I'd go turn around and go, sorry, mate, did I know you? Can I help you? Oh, Steve, hey, mate. How are you? Can people in the comments confirm what tonight? I've heard it. Yeah, they've heard it.

I mean, I haven't heard it in the last 20 years, but it does ring a bell. Ring. Don't say ring. Yeah, sorry. Simon had a friend check a hemorrhoid for him. Also, let the record show that hemorrhoid auto-corrected to harbourside. He's checked a harbourside.

You go, you doing all right, mate? Yeah, it looks pretty nice. Beautiful property. You've got a boat, mate, because, God, you're going to need one. Across the canal, the far canal. That's actually how most of Tony and I's conversations on the weekend goes. When Tony's, or via her finance team, someone goes, hey, can you check your harbourside?

Yeah, meanwhile, my arsehole is full of hemorrhoids. Luckily, they did actually check their hemorrhoids because it was so bad. I had to go to hospital and get it surgically removed, and they tested and found some anomalies. That friend's – Simon's been very poetic here, so let me get it right for you. Okay. Sometimes that friend could be a real pain in the ass, but I'll never not love them because they helped with the pain in my ass.

That's nice. That is nice, isn't it? That is beautiful. It is beautiful. He could be writing, like, Hallmark cards or something. That was really nice. I like that. Natalie says, my ex-boyfriend.

Is it Natalie Imbruglia? Well, something gets torn in the story. That's funny. And it's not her ex-boyfriend's arsehole. A lot of bum ones. Yeah, a lot of bum ones today. You didn't think to space those out. Well, I went from constipation to hemorrhoid and I felt they were different.

It's just a lot of arsehole chat. Well, I went from constipation to hemorrhoid and I felt they were different. But now when I. It's just a little asshole trap. My ex-boyfriend had the tightest bum cheeks in the world. Bum cheeks as in like the muscles were. Tight butt. Tight. Just keeping it tight. Working out.

Little peach. That guy's butt who we signed his. And then your mate fucked him. Yeah. In New York. And remember we saw his butt and we just went, what a's butt who we signed. And then your mate fucked him? Yeah, in New York. But remember we saw his butt and we just went, what a butt. What a butt. You can actually see that butt in our New York meet and greet reel. Yeah, you can see me.

I think it's actually the cover photo on our Instagram. It is, we signed his arsehole. You're using the term, I don't want to say loosely. No, too liberally. But you're using. Too liberally. Yeah. We haven't seen any tarpa's arseholes.

Unless Torbs is a tarpa. Hey, yo. No. And Pippa, because she doesn't have a tail. She has a pocket little. Jeez, it's a real arsehole heavy show today. It is. Can we call the episode that?

Like just a lot of arsehole chat. He liked every part of his butt to be freshly shaved, but because his butt was so tight, he couldn't hold the cheeks apart and shave at the same time. That's beautiful. I love this story. You have to do these things for the people that we love. Question.

Question. That would get itchy. Oh, and rub and be awful, yeah. Yeah. Ingrown hairs to Betsy, yeah. What's your original first thought? Is Natalie spreading and he's shaving or is he spreading and Natalie's shaving?

Logistics chat, I like it. He, I reckon, prop comedy. Yeah, okay, Tony's standing and she's bending over. I think you would have to be bent over in, God forbid, Doggy Style. Oh, you're outside. How do you do that? Outside. I think you'd have to because you'd have to spread both sides open

and then I think Natalie is doing the shaving. Doing the artwork. Yeah, doing the artwork. Yeah, put a little star in there for you. Natalie said it made our relationship a lot tighter. I really rate that. I really rate that. I think that's nice.

I'd shave any part of you if you asked me. I shaved your head. You did shave my head. I can't wait to use that clip out of context somewhere you ask me. I shaved your head. You did shave my head. Yeah. I can't wait to use that clip out of context somewhere on the internet. Use it. I would have meant it. Wherever you use it, I would have.

And I stand by it. I just wanted to note that, well, we can't go through all of them. So many stories from tapas about the non-birthing partner during the birth of a child. So there's the person giving birth and then the other one. The non-birthing partner, yes. Yeah, checking stitches. Because that could be like mums, sisters, boyfriends and girlfriends. Like that could be anyone in your life that helps you through that.

Yeah, so we'll call it the non-giving birth one. Yeah, I like that. But so many stories of checking the stitches, helping him shower, adult diapers. And I think this is a great opportunity, Tony Lodge, for us to remind everyone just how valuable I was in the birth suite when my beautiful wife gave birth to Mabel. Do you remember how good I was in the birth suite? Did you like pass out and the nurse laughed at you? Yeah.

Yeah. I'm not good with blood. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you're not good with blood. Oh, well you should have fucking been on the other side of that curtain, mate. Well, I was at the not business end, but it was still too much. Yeah. It was too much. Oh, sorry. Was watching someone give birth too much?

Wasn't. Well, it actually was. Yeah, okay, sorry. I actually passed out. Yeah. But, yeah, so just a shout out to us non-birthing partners doing brave things. Yeah, wow. Being strong in a moment.

But let's finish off with. A few to choose from, I imagine. I'm just trying to make sure it's not all arsehole based. Oh, yeah. Oh, here's one that's. No, round it out with one more arse from, I imagine. I'm just trying to make sure it's not all arsehole based. Oh, yeah. Oh, here's one that's. No, round it out with one more arsehole, I feel. Okay. That's a lot.

Okay. But just. I've asked for this. Just remember that you asked for it. Yeah. Tapa Tom. This. Oh, no.

Tony Hart. I've asked for this, yeah. She's got a messy fringe and she loves talking about arsehole. It is the new Tony. Taylor Swift has changed her life. I'm going to dispute that bingo later. What did Tom say? Tapa Tom invited a boy back to his place for the first time.

He has that first-time excitement. And you've got those butterflies in your tummy the first time you hook up with someone. And not only did this boy split me open, he also split open a huge cyst on my back and it was oozing pus. Sorry for everybody that doesn't know how to eat shit.

Sorry. On purpose, like he said, can you pop this cyst or it just happened in the pressure and the movement and everything happening and it just popped. A moment of passion. Yeah. Would you call it a passion pop?

That's hilarious. That's hilarious. That's very, very funny. I was going to say after that I'll never drink passion pop again, but let's hope I wouldn't. I'll be doing that anyway. But you never know. You're only 17 once.

Yeah, but you're only ever 24 hours from a full breakdown. You know what I mean? I've heard that. So if you see me walking into a Bottle-O opening a Passion Pop, send me to the hospital. I think if you walk past a Bottle-O and you hear someone go, $7, you'll know that that's Ryan buying a bottle of Passion Pop because it used to only be two.

When I was 14, you just gave them to us. I had no plasters to stem the flow of pass. Oh, what have I done? I've done this to everyone. I'm so, so sorry. So he had to go and ask my flatmate, who he'd never actually met before. Hi. Yeah, I'm fucking your roommate.

Hi, I'm Phillip. I'm just railing the fuck out of your roommate. Do you have any Band-Aids or plasters or something? Because he is squirting everywhere. Fuck. And, you know, something that you don't want to hear someone ask for when they're on a date is a Band-Aid. You know, like of all the things that you don't want to be asked.

You're like, yeah, my roommate's on a date. What did he ask for? A band-aid? Well, that's not good. Actually, asking for a band-aid at any time. Remember when I cut my finger open with the knife? Yeah. I was bleeding from the hand.

I had a towel. And you're out the coals. Covered in blood. And I walked up to the counter with the band-aid and the guy goes, so how's your day been? How the fuck do you think it's been? Blood-soaked towel. Box of band-aids.

How do you think my day's been? Yeah. Tube-a-lube. The only thing myaked towel, box of Band-Aids. How do you think my day's been? Yeah. Tube of lube. The only thing my roommate had, she had a sanitary pad. So, and then we like taped it to my back. Taped it to the back. Maybe it had wings. Maybe you just stuck it on.

Tom says, this was as unsexy as it sounds. Because obviously without getting into the nitty gritty, like the boy. It's pretty nitty and it's pretty gritty, I'll be honest. What more could there be? But like when the other guy is behind, dare I say, the style, that's what he's looking like. It's right there. You know what I mean?

Yeah. Guess what, asked Tom. They kept going. It didn't put him off. No! He finished the task and we've been together for almost 10 years. You love to say that. It's the end of the episode.

That's why you love to say it. Hey, this is Jamie from Portland, Oregon, and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive shout-out to a few of our champion tapas. We're going to keep it arsehole free this half of the episode if we can. Let me just see what's coming up. Oh, actually, I'm going to have to change my I love to see it, so I've just hit the microphone and I'm disheveled.

Oh, no. I'll swap it for tomorrow. Okay. For those playing along at home, when you hear tomorrow's you love to see it, you'll go, oh, I know why that wasn't yesterday. Yeah, okay. Tara Carroll, good on you, Tara. Thank you so much. Cassie Owl.

Ooh, ooh. Michelle Court-Roos. It's Owl, like A-U-L, but I'm just guessing Cassie Owl. Michelle Court-Roos. It's Owl like A-U-L, but I'm just guessing it's Owl. Which is a doggy. Doggy style. Don't talk about the arseholes. Cassie. Michelle Court-Rouse.

Thank you, Michelle. Danny O'Brien. And Megan Zwinghi, who's a fucking legend. Good on you, Megan. Thanks, Megan. Megan, Megan, Mugen, Mulgan. We don't know. Could be any of those.

All of you. All of them. Yeah, all the Mugen, Mugen. We don't know. Could be any of those. All of you. All of them. Yeah, all the Megans. Childhood. Yesterday on the show, Tony was telling us about going to a culty day spa. Because for Bridget's birthday, you know, I set her up with a nice day. Very nice. To go to the hot springs.

So it's like all these different kind of baths and pools and stuff. And then there was a bit of a massage as well. I believe you've been to this place in the Mornington Peninsula. I have been to this place. And I suspect you've also come across the same troubles that Bridget came across yesterday. But to start, Bridget didn't take her own ratty cum rag that you took to the day spa. Okay. It was not a cum rag.

It was just a crusty, it was just like a crusty Kmart beach towel. In the nice places they provide you with a towel because the colour of their towel matches the surrounds and it's all part of the aesthetic. And everybody looks the same. So I already didn't really fit in because I'm like everybody looks like a supermodel and I'm just like this chubby little fringe-hover who's like, you know, wearing high-waisted bathers and not everybody else is like a micro-string bikini,

like looking very suave. Do you think now, do you think my wife would have fit in here? Yes. Okay. Long, lean, beautiful. Thank you. She would have gone in there. She could put her little robe on, the little slippies.

Yeah. I had to run to Kmart late at night to get her some slip-on shoes. Yep. Because she needed to like look the part and feel the knees. Yeah, they give you slippers there. We didn't know that at the time. Yeah, you could ask me. I did say.

Yep. Yeah, anyway. So what Bridget really liked is at the start they were like, now that you're like in the robe and, you know, all dressed right, do you want to put your stuff into this like locked area? So it's all secure. And we recommend you put your phone in there because how nice in 2024 to turn your phone off. Just turn your phone off, put it away.

It'll be there when you get back. You know, we'll let you know the time and where you need to be, but you just relax today. And Bridget goes, and cause Bridget's not a huge social media person. She's not working at the moment. So she's not checking emails and stuff. And soget goes, because Bridget's not a huge social media person. She's not working at the moment, so she's not checking emails and stuff. And so she's like, you know what? Yeah, how easy. I don't need to scroll.

I don't need to scroll. I don't need to worry about anything. I'm just going to enjoy this beautiful day for what it is. And this place is, like, so classy that, like, you've already, like, paid before you go. So it's not like you're walking in there and, like, yep, that'll be $25 like at a public pool. It's like. Well, here's the issue.

This is what Bridget thought. And because you're there for a full day, there's like a little cafe and they sort of go, oh, you know, most people are just in their robes. They don't feel like it's weird going to a cafe in a robe because it's in the place. Everyone's the same. And Bridget's like, oh, well, when you take the pretentiousness out, because everyone looks the same.

Yeah. Like all good. And everyone is milling about in their robe. Like it's so chill. There's like really nice, like sort of natural, healthy snacks to kind of lean into the wellnessness of the day. Yeah. So she goes, yeah, I'll get the herbal tea and the this and the that

because I've got a bit of a gap between the massage and going for a swim. Yeah. Oh, what a life, eh? Oh, I've got a bit of a break between the massage and the thing. Yeah, you've had a tough day. Take a break, mate. And they go, yep, great. That'll be $12.50.

Now, as you know, we're recent converts, very recent, maybe 10 years late to the pay ID. Apple Pay. Yeah. And where's that? It's on your phone. Yeah. In your locker.

Yeah. In the locked area, about 12 sets of stairs away from where the restaurant is. I counted. Did you, Tony Lodge, did you also run into similar troubles at the same place? I call Ryan yesterday, I go, did you go to the restaurant? And he goes, Tony Lodge, did you also run into similar troubles at the same place? I called Ryan yesterday. I go, did you go to the restaurant?

And he goes, ah! The thing is. Triggered. The thing is, is that, yeah, so you get to the end and then you go, well, I don't know my fault. Because when you book, you pay online because it is like, no, we don't. To take the awkwardness away from the day.

It's already done. Don't worry about it. It's already paid for. And it also makes it a really nice day that if you booked for somebody else, it would kind of be like taking care of. It's like a very fancy like, you know, you're not going there all the time. It's a real treat, like real bougie treat.

And then you get there and you go, oh, cool, just put that on my, this is what I imagined, right? And tell me if I'm fucking wrong, okay? I imagine that I eat all this stuff at the restaurant and then they go, oh, and what's your name? And I go, Tony Lodge. And they go, great, you pay on the way out. That's on your tab or your account.

Yeah, you pay on the way out. You've got all my details. They know who I am. Yeah. Like, because you have to pay and book to get in. Yeah. So everybody that's there is, like, accounted for. Yeah.

You know? And then I'm like, obviously, they're just going to take my name and I'm just going to pay at the end. Or I can give them my locker number. Something. Do you know what I mean? The thing with this, how long ago did you go to this specific place? Oh, probably about a year ago.

So how many other fuckheads have had this exact same problem? Do they run into this 15 times? Like, how many times does this need to happen? You're not allowed to hold your phone, but how am I supposed to fucking pay? Before someone at the cafe says to the boss, goes, hey, just a quick one. Should we start a tab system? Should we try anything else? Because this seems to be a problem.

And it was a year ago. It still is today. So anyway, so Bridget goes, I'll run back. And it's either, how many flights of stairs? 12. Bridget goes, that's not for me. I'll take the lift. Turns out the staff lift and the lift are like, but they look the same.

So she gets in there and it's like with the staff on, you have to beep to get to the laundry or the fucking whatever. So the door's just closed. Because she like presses like, but because she hasn't like, she's just standing there. Have you ever stood in a lift for like an uncomfortable amount of time before you've realised like you haven't moved? Because like I've done that before.

How long do you reckon Bridget before she went? I reckon. Considering she's in the Zen mode and she's relaxed. And keep in mind how long a minute is. I reckon three minutes. She was late to her massage. Well, because she had to run, get the wallet, go back up, put the wallet back. Because you're not allowed to have a phone,

so then she has to put her phone back in the locked area. She said by the time she did that and the food came out, they were like, are you ready to come through? And she's like, I just. It actually just really adds stress to a very relaxing situation. What I like about the pang. I know that we said no arsehole chat, but, I mean, who's running this place?

Sounds like a bunch of arseholes to me. One thing that will take the relaxnessness of off a massage is when you haven't paid up front and you're laying there going is my card got enough money on it? So you're just spending the whole hour going I'm going to walk up at the end and they'll go yep, that's this much and you go

and it goes. Yeah. Or you go, oh, well, I know I've got an extra $40 from like that. I'm thinking getting refunded. So I could transfer 40 over from that. So I just need another $60. So if I've got 60 on the credit card, maybe I could. And then before you know it, they're doing the little, you know, that thing where you're like, oh, fuck, they're about to finish.

The massage. They're about to finish and so am I. Far out. Yeah, no, as soon as, yeah, I was like, you're like, oh, yeah, something actually happened while we were there today. And I went, oh, I could fucking tell you what it was. What do you love to see at Tony Lodge? Libby Payne shared this, sent this to us in Patreon.

Libby Payne, the artist. Libby Payne. The not artist. And that is Libby Payne's. Don't yell at me. Sorry. Libby says, can you please give a shout out on the pod to the TARP Around the World group chat? Shout out?

I did not know that this existed. But Libby says, I'm going through a really hard time right now and this group of beautiful tapas from all over the world has given me an endless amount of support and I know a shout out would make them really, really happy. I wish I could give them more though because they're truly amazing. Do we get invited into the group? Apparently not.

There's like a secret group that went in. Guys, don't tell Tony about our group chat. Don't. Don't do that. That's bullying. It's called Everyone Except Tony. Oh, my God. I never heard the end of it, like when I started a No Ryan thing

in our group chat because it was like if I was surprising something, don't you know about this? And I know that there's a No Tony chat as well. And that's fine. But, yeah, so Tony and Ryan aren't in the Tony and Ryan Around the World group. So that seems like, I mean, two key ingredients missing. Oh, we're going to make pancakes.

Oh, but we've got no cake. We've got no pan. You know? Well, what are you going to do? But, Libby, sorry you're going through a hard time, but love that you've made some friends in the group. And we hear a lot from people that are like, oh, I found, like, friendship soulmates in the type Facebook group

and group chats and on Patreon and stuff. And we really love to see that. It's really special. Well, any time I get down and think that I'm a fuckhead. Get down? Get down. I'm a fuckhead. Get down.

What's that? Is that five? Remember five? Oh, yes. They had fucking bangers. Five, though, does not apply for the game because I've thought about five recently. Oh, yeah, yeah. No, I've thought about them every day.

Yeah, I'm just- They're my Roman Empire. I'm just- Just letting you know. Okay. And it's actually, for those playing along at home, five spelt with the number five. It is. It's five I-V-E, isn't it?

Which makes no sense. So they're actually 55. 55. They probably are now, to be 55. They probably are now. It should be fair. They probably are 55. That was funny. Write that down.

No, James, can you quickly Google the ages of the guys in fire? Because I feel like they were huge when I was five or six. Yeah. Which is 30 years ago, which means they would have been 20. They would have been 20. They actually might be 55, which is pretty funny. Yeah, and I'm pretty sure one of them, their name is Abs. Cool.

I'm not even going to question that. But what happens when you become 50 and you don't have Abs? He might still have Abs. I hope so. Have you seen Arnold Schwarzenegger? He's had Abs forever. Yeah, that's true. There is a guy called Abs Love.

Abs Love, how old is he? He is born in 1979. Oh, I can't do maths. That's not that much older. That's only 44. Yeah. Um, that was amazing. For someone who can't do maths, fucking righto.

She's a quant. That would be right, wouldn't it? It is, yeah. She's a quant. She's a quant. I'm a huge quant. Mad quant. I'm a sick quant.

That was amazing. All right. No, that's over, James. I don't need to know any more ages because I can't do any more adding up. I'm a sick quant. That was amazing. All right. No, that's over, James. I don't need to know any more ages because I can't do any more adding up. Oh, no, I've changed my love to see it because it's too arsehole heavy. Oh, okay then. Instead, Louisa from another podcast called We Mean Well. We Mean Well.

And you've probably seen her on TikTok. Louisa Daltine. Yeah, she's a legend. She's in the office today because she's doing her podcast in the studio. Because she's a huge quant. She's a huge quant. My love to see it is Lou walked up to Zach and said, hi, nice to meet you.

And Zach said, yeah, we hung out last week. You do love to see that. You love to see that when it's anyone but you. Yeah. And James and I were in the next room and we both went. Did you just throw yeah. Yeah. And James and I were in the next room and we both went. Did you just throw up? Yeah. Like, you know, when that happens and you just want to, like,

create a distraction for whoever's in trouble. Bad luck, mate. And I just love to see that. Yeah, that is very good. That is good. Tomorrow on the show, an arsehole based, you love to see it. Normal or nah. Let me give you the premise of one of the normal or nahs tomorrow.

When does this story stop being sexy? I like that. So it starts off. Mine stopped long ago. Yeah. But you'll hear this story and you'll go, oh my God, where is this going? And then no. Oh, okay.

But you get to. There's a distinct drop off. You get to decide the moment where you're no longer into this guy. That's tomorrow on the show. We'll chat to you then. Love you. Bye.