Toni and Ryan - IT'S TARP CHRISTMAS! 🎄

Episode Date: December 21, 2023

Strap in for a festive final episode for the year, we exchange secret santa and say goodbye to someone special. Love you - have a wonderful Christmas xxx Toni [USED TO BE VIDEO EPISODE BUT NOT ANYMORE LOL TECHNICAL CHAT]Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Dr. Author Tony Lodge, and we are calling Jen, who is on the border of North Carolina and South Carolina. So she's just in Carolina. Surely. I don't think there is a Carolina. Oh. Well, that just sounds like if you got your North and South. Yeah, I get it. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. It's weird, eh? Yeah. Who are we to say? Hello?

Oh, Jen! How you doing? Oh my God, what? What? It's Tony and Ryan. Hello. I didn't know you were calling today. I thought it was tomorrow. Oh, we stuffed something up.

No, no, no, no, no, we didn't. It's the time difference, I reckon. I think you might have thought, oh, it'll end up being tomorrow because the dates are different. It's the daylight savings, Jen, I fucking tell you. Look, time is not my strong suit. I have other talents. That's not it.

Yeah, well. What are your other talents, Jen? Oh, that's a nice question. What are your other talents, Jen? I'm great at not thinking quick on my feet. That is comedy. Yeah, that is comedy. Jen will take that. I'll pay that as a win. Yeah, that is great. Jen will take that.

I'll pay that as a win. Yeah, that's great. Will you approve today's episode? Yes, I will. Oh, she thought quick that time. Yeah, there we go. Got it. Hi, this is Jen from the Carolinas, and I approve this podcast.

Yeah. approve this podcast. Welcome to the final Tony and Ryan show of the year. We'll be doing throwbacks next week and through Christmas, but a happy holiday season to everyone. You'll be hearing from a heap of tarpers over the Christmas season. They'll be doing your ins and your outs. Yep. Not your ins and outs like of 2023 and 2024,

but like saying hi and bye. Should we start again? You can actually watch today's episode as well as listen. It's on the Spotify app. It's a video show. We have the Christmas background. I'm wearing this delicious sweater. Lovely Christmas sweater. There are two reasons I'm wearing it.

First reason is because it's delicious and it's Christmas. And colour is in. And colour is in. And the second reason is I didn't cart this all the way fucking back from Indiana to not wear it. It's probably the only opportunity I'll have to wear it. Like if I didn't wear it today, what else am I going to do with it? Exactly.

Yeah. But unfortunately, we've had to say goodbye to something very special in our lives and not just producer cam. Yeah. You sacrificed. Oh, yeah. A beautiful piece of tarp history for this jumper. And I think that as a punishment, you should have to wear that jumper every day until next year.

Through summer. Yep. Well, first of all. Tell people the bad news. So the purple. Spanish Buzz Lightyear has died. First of all, it was Mexican Buzz Lightyear. No, it wasn't.

It was Spanish Buzz. Which was one of many highlights of the live stream uh people may recall it is a purple sweater purple green green white black i think there's a leopard skin stripe through there somewhere but it's like green leopard it's really just as beautiful as it sounds yeah so when i was in new york i'm looking into my bag and i've got this awful Christmas sweater. I've got this gigantic fucking cowboy hat. I've got that, you know, that white T-shirt that I spilt green juice on. Yeah, but it was a really expensive T-shirt and you're like, oh, I really don't want to say goodbye.

Yeah, and I had the purple sweater and I'm like, not everything is going to fit into my bag and I'm going to have to make some decisions here. Strangely and unbelievably to everyone in the room, I picked this shit sweater and left purple Mexican Spanish Buzz Lightyear and the – because I tried to get the stain out, couldn't, so I'm like, well, you're fucking staying. They're both still in New York somewhere.

Yeah. I mean, this sweater, think about the opportunity. They're hard to get in Australia. First of all, not that hard. And second of all. Cool ones are hard to get. Christmas in Australia is hot, so you don't really get a chance to wear a sweater.

It is seasonal. I feel like I could look like a dickhead in the purple one like any time. Mate, I don't know who you're trying to convince. We're sad that Spanish Buzz Lightyear got left behind. And just the memories of the Spanish Buzz Lightyear, yeah. I think I cried laughing so hard when someone – and then I posed like Spanish Buzz Lightyear side by side. Yeah, and we did the – yeah.

Oh, we remember. I love the – because it's into a story three. I love when he's on the flatbread and he's like flapping down. Oh, yeah. Oh, lay. Yeah. Oh. All right, let's do – Sorry,. Oh, yeah. Early. Yeah. Oh. All right.

Let's do. Sorry, I'm really emotional. It's not a good time to go into Santa's sack of fuck facts. Last year, Tony pitched a weekly fucked fact Friday segment, which was. Because I love facts. Which was poo pooed by the tapas. No. And.

Not. Then on the last episode of 2022 you said i want like a redemption a woman obviously can't speak yeah you said i want a redemption round i want to finish on a high and you told one of the most amazing facts that literally blew a santa hat off my head and then you went into retirement and said i've ended on a high note so the tapas did not poo poo fucked facts and you know that okay we'll look at the comment thread from today because everyone's going to be disagreeing with you it was you that said it couldn't happen and you know what i think like you can't have too much of a good thing so i think that an annual

fucked fact segment is actually like a good common ground It doesn't put more pressure on the one time though Because if you're doing it weekly Some hit, some don't, but when it's once a year It's like, oh, if you fuck this up, you've got a whole 12 months You've got to live with it But like, I think that actually some things can be fun And don't have to be like do or die

We can just enjoy some facts It's not I wish you were fucking do or die I'll do I wish you were fucking do or die i'll do i'll do i will i wish you wouldn't i wish you'd do the other one so are we just doing facts or is there like a fact no i've got um a couple so in patreon i did a i did a um a call out oh one of your coffees almost fell down. I did a call out on Patreon for some good fuck facts.

I would just like to take a moment for my new career as a Photoshop person. I don't know if you've seen this. I'm going to get someone to put this on the screen. I made this. That's good. Thank you. What did you make it on? I made it in InShot.

Nice. Yeah, thank you. That is good. Isn't that good? Could have softened the hand a little bit, I realised after. I think it little bit i realized after the loss to the shitness yeah but it's quite good that is quite good i'm really proud of it would you like in 2024 to take over as the show's photoshop i think i could with quality like this i feel threatened i think i actually it's it's too good it's like not really funny enough because it actually looks like it could be me in that suit.

And my red nails as well, that really popped the whole thing off. It looks like you've gone, it's a Christmas shoot, I'm going to Photoshop some perfect red nails on. They're real though. And I took that photo in my office at home. I just snapped that. In your what? In my office at home.

Merry Christmas. Yeah, Merry Christmas. Yeah, Merry Christmas. Yeah, it is nice. Thank you for asking. Anyway, so I did a bit of a shout-out to people on Patreon last week asking for some fucked facts. And I've got a couple because the thing about Brian. You know my areas.

I know your areas, but I think. For new listeners to the podcast, what are my areas? So you do like a movie fact. Yep. You don't like a fact that's not very tangible. Yep. Like you don't like one where- So one of the ones that I thought was awesome-

The murderer. The murderer. Let's not talk about the murderer. Okay. But the one that I thought was awesome was that like every sea in the like title Pacific Ocean, every sea has a different sound. Like P-S-I-F-I-C-O-C-I-O-N. Like, all the seas are a different type of sea.

Okay, sorry. When you said, okay. Yeah, the seas, as in, like, the seven seas. I thought you meant, like, the Pacific Ocean kind of sounds like this. But the Indian Ocean kind of goes like. That's horrible. That's what I thought you were saying. Why do you want to fucking Pacific Ocean sound like a dog with diarrhea? I thought you were saying i don't know pacific ocean sound like

a dog with diarrhea i don't know i don't know but that's what i thought you were saying i was like that's a new fact um yeah and you kind of like that i don't give a fuck about you're not really good with like word based ones because it's just like not it's not my area yeah it's not my the english language is not my area and i think that I've actually taken a little bit of a punt on a couple of these. But, okay, this one, a few people shared this on Patreon and I thought it was really interesting. I'd never

heard this before. I will literally be the judge of that. Chainsaws were originally invented to cut through the pelvises of delivering mothers who were having trouble pushing their babies out. What the fuck? Two doctors.

That's why they call it a C-section, for chainsaw. Is that right? Is that the fact? It is now. Is that the fact? Two doctors in, like, the 1700s invented the chainsaw because they were like, oh, these women just, like, can't get these kids out.

We've got to cut their bones open. That is fucking harrowing and fucking amazing. It's a great fact, Dave. When do you think, and maybe you've looked this up in your, what seems like quite thorough research, when do you think. I did know about the Scottish doctors. That's pretty good. That there was a doctor or a midwife or whatever

who had a tree at home they had a bit of issue with and then someone goes, fuck, how are we going to get that tree down? And they go... What about that thing that we cut through women with? You know the thing we slice bitches in half with at work? Do you reckon I could bring that home and put it... And one of them goes, yeah, my cock.

And they all laugh. They all laugh. They all laugh. They all laugh. And then the wife goes, but seriously, you still hit that nurse? Yeah, but we could actually. Yeah, no, we could probably. And then Christmas is over.

Yeah. The kids move out. Yeah. Yeah. And then they stop making them for pelvis breaking because they invent the C-section or what's the drugs called? Epidural. They invented.

Mr. Epidural comes up with an invention. It's actually Epi-dural. Like it's Dr. Dural and it's Epi-dural. Is he related to Epi-pen? You're looking at me like that is real. It's not. That was just a little joke. Is he related to Epi-pen?

Nice! That's very funny. We'll probably find out. I'm allergic to pain. Give me the Epi-dural or the Epi-pen. So what the fuck were you talking about? The chainsaw. Oh, so they stopped chainsawing women in half.

How did they figure out the second use? No, no, no. When they said, well, this is great for trees, but maybe we'll stop sawing girls in half. Yeah. That's a pivot. That's one of the first pivots in business issues. It's actually what that podcast is about.

Yeah, my favourite. A pivot. They go, yeah, you know what? That's a great fact. Let's not do that. That is a great fact. Should I not do that. That is a great fact. Should I not do any more? No.

Because I really want to end on the high. No, do three more. If you can do five from five helmet or hoodies, you can do four from four fucked facts. Okay. Jordan sent this one through. No pressure, Jordan. The world's oldest dog lived 29 and a half years human

human years yes yeah yeah otherwise i would only be like four that's really that's not impressive yeah 29 and a half 30 years that dog was as old as me you are an old dog oh bitch um i mean that's kind of crazy for the dog it's kind of crazy fact it's is it not fucked but it's okay or it's it's like it's an amazing achievement by the dog yeah it's just like a bit of trivia it's a bit of true i don't know if it's like a fucked fact i don't know if i'd roll that out on an annual fucked fact i'll cop that yeah that's fine but it is like good on that dog it's interesting what was his name i don't know i don't have any more information okay then they chainsawed him in half, which is so sad.

I found puppies in there. There's a girl. I found puppies in there. Did I get them out? Okay. All right. Two more. One from two.

I've got two left, and I don't know which one to end on. How many are you going to choose from? I've got two. Okay, so it's the order have you got to choose from? I've got two. Okay, so it's just the order. Yeah, this is actually what I had, yeah. Okay. Go with the volleyball one last. Okay, Summer sent this in.

Okay, we're portioning off blame. Fine. The average cloud. Oh, science. No, I know, but hang on. No, stay with me. This is risky. Stay with me.

This is risky. Stay with me. Stay with me. This is risky. Stay with me. Stay with me. The average cloud weighs 500,000 kilos, which is the equivalent of one and a half Empire State Buildings. So a cloud weighs the same weight as the Empire State Building. One and a half of those. But all clouds are different sizes.

Well, it says the average cloud. Yeah, but there's the very so much. Is it the median or the... Well, it's the average. So are you listening to what I'm saying? So it's the... You're being a dick on purpose and I don't like it. No, I don't like science ones.

And it's hard to like... Because I can't... If you said how heavy is this Frank Green water bottle, I could imagine... But when you say how heavy is the Empire State Building, I can't get my head around that. But, like, that's what makes it a fucked fact because you go, that's not even, like, I can't even imagine what that is.

Yeah, but I feel like you need to comprehend one of them and then when you compare it, you go, fuck, that is fucked. But when you've seen the Empire State Building. I could see it out of my window in New York. Oh, okay. I was in the crap hotel. I couldn't see it. You're in the room next to me and you also could see it.

You saw the Empire State Building. You imagine that that's floating above us. How does it stay up there? That's why it's a fucked fact. I'll tell you what's a real fucked fact. It costs $100 to go to the top of the Empire State Building. Yeah, we didn't do that. Yeah, we just walked past.

Yeah. We all sat in Ryan's bed and looked at it from out the window. Tony comes home and goes, you know what's fucked? That costs $100. And 100 bucks and i went that's fucked and you go that's a fact yeah i think like the you're asking questions though that are like that you're i think that you think when you can't understand it that's what makes it bad but that's what makes a fact good it's the relatableness but that's what makes it bad. But that's what makes a fact good. It's the relatableness. But that's what makes a fact good because you go, wow, that's unreal. Like, how crazy. I can relate to the baby one because, like, babies are born every day. And I have a baby.

And I haven't seen a chainsaw one. And I go, whoa, could you imagine the contrast? I don't. I can't relate to the cloud heaviness i've never held one no and i've never picked up you've also never sliced a woman in half with a chainsaw well so i know yeah you don't know what my nickname is but you know what i mean like i don't think that you sorry to any woman that's ever existed for the comment i just made but like no i assign yeah sorry no what've got one more chance. But it's not a science one.

I think I actually normally, I copped the dog one, that you're not into that, but that's a good fact. And you're asking questions which makes it a good fact. But I think the fact that all clouds are different means it's sort of weird and irrelevant. You like worked in, you're doing your MBA, though. You deal with averages. But, yeah, but there's, like – there's no logic and reason

to average of a cloud. There's no relation to any – like, they're all just different sizes. But that's what an average is. You take every cloud and you average it out. But could you imagine the size of an average cloud? No, I don't like it. It's 500,000 kilos. I don't need to imagine it.

I know that that's what it is. Who weighed it? On what scales? Sorry, I've just got a hilarious vision of God with one of the, you know, when there's like the two. Oh, like the law. And then he's got the Empire State Building. But isn't it crazy to think about one and a half Empire State...

Round down. An Empire State Building is just, like, hovering around in the sky. That's insane. Is that terrifying? Yes. And they say gravity's real. Doesn't sound like it. But, like, isn't that the craziest fucking thing ever?

That's the craziest thing I've heard since chainsaws. So you agree. You think it's crazy. You think it's a fucked fact. That's what you just said. The chainsaw was pretty good. The chainsaw is good, but two things can coexist and also be good. I know, because this last one's going to be awesome.

Okay. And keep in mind, 50% is always a pass. In the olden days, putting up the middle finger was a symbol of sexual intercourse. Oh, my God. Really? How many times have you and I fucked? I know. It was supposed to, like, represent, like, that's the penis and this is the balls.

Okay. So it was used to, like, be intimate, like, oh, like oh yeah like here's a good time it didn't mean fuck you it meant literally i'm going to fuck you that's crazy that's a great how did it change when did it when when did society change well i guess like if you went up to someone in a bar and you went they went and bought no I don't want to do that. No, I'm going to go home. Like it's quite aggressive. It's quite sexually aggressive.

It is sexually aggressive. You couldn't like hit on someone and imagine now these days, now that it is like offensive that you went up to someone like that and then they went, I don't suck your cock. Like that would be a great outcome. It would be a great outcome, but literally an outcome. But I think the face you pull when you do it it like it says a lot about it as well because when you do a a flip the bird you like give the energy it deserves i do but it's not a i want to go home

with you energy it's a fuck you but can you give man everyone watching on the video show like a like a a courting bird. You doing that, I actually felt you fingering me. I felt it. That's a fact. The way you twisted the wrist. Yeah, and the bite of the lip and the... Yeah, that all... It going up slowly.

Yeah. It's going up quick over there, though. Yeah, six to midnight, whatever you're saying. From six to midnight. Okay, yeah. That's a great fact. That is a great Okay, yeah. That's a great fact. That is a great fact. Yay!

That is a great fact. Did you know that when you do the bird, it's the same shape as the Empire State Building at the top? That must be heavy. I imagine it's about the same as the average cloud. I'd say it's about the size of an average cloud. Yeah. That's interesting.

That's a great fact. Thank you so much for sharing that with me. You're welcome. I really appreciate it when you bring knowledge and share information with us. I will say that you are brave for not including a great fact. Thank you so much for sharing that with me. You're welcome. I really appreciate it when you bring knowledge and share information with us. I will say that you are brave for not including a movie fact. But that's the thing. That could have been easy, like low-hanging fruit.

Exactly. You went science, and I'm not a science guy, but I respect you going, nah, I'm going to back it in. I backed in the ones that I was like, this is good. I got two from two, two from four, 50%. 50%, always a pass, always a pass. No, I'll pay that. Yes. I'll pay that. Yes.

I'll pay that. It was a good outcome. What a great Christmas. And I dare say over Christmas we'll be sitting around a table and I'll go, oh. Did you guys know? Yeah. I bet.

And I'll drop a fact. I bet. Because isn't that a good time to drop a fact? Exactly. When you're sitting at a table with your best mate sharing a fact. Or in a podcast. It feels like the wrong time to go into Secret Santa. A time of love.

A time of love. But, hey, up next, for those only listening, we are giving each other the bird finger. But the I'm going to fuck you, not the fuck you. Yeah. Bit nice, isn't it? Hi, this is Jen from the Carolinas, and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive shout out to a few of our champion tapas over at our Patreon.

Patreon's of all levels, actually, right now. Maybe seeing their names scroll across the bottom of the show screen. What's wrong? What are you looking for? What's going on? Someone say something! Have I gone deaf? No, all good.

Okay. Hannah Trager. I just didn't know where I'd put my secret Santa present. Oh, who'd you get? Oh, almost tricked you, didn't I? Can't say. Hannah Trager. Thank you so much, Hannah. Hannah Shaw. Hannah Day. Yeah. To be sure, to be sure.

Nice. Nathan Cartagena, Mel Davisa, Connor McGinn, and Dolly Mareday Nettleton, who I went to uni with, which is so cute. That is cute. Thanks for listening in, Dolly Marede-Nedleton. Dolly Marede. Yeah.

Yeah. Thank you very much for being part of our Patreon this year. Pretty cool. Pretty cool. Pretty cool. Been a big year for us. Been a big year, yeah. Gonna be bigger next year?

Bigger, yeah. Already got some dumb ideas. Ooh. Who would like to go first? I can go first if you like. Okay. And give mine to the person that I got. I'll close my eyes, sorry.

Just very quickly, if you haven't been listening or you're not really sure what's going on, every year between Ryan and I we do Secret Santa. Yeah. We draw it anonymously so neither of us know who's got who um in 2021 um ryan bought me a float voucher um for like um sensory deprivation tank and i bought you a tile because you were always losing your keys i still use that tile yeah um in, I bought you some art for your house. Which is in Mabel's room. And you booked me a cinema to watch my-

Private cinema. A private cinema to watch my favourite movie with. And then instead of doing that, we flew to Brisbane and we watched Harry Potter 4 with like 150 tapas, which was awesome. Yeah. Great gift. Expensive. There was, yeah.

Well, I mean, because it ended up being a work thing, thing like work paid, so maybe like doesn't really count. I paid for your gift with my own money. But this year we decided that we needed to set a hard limit. Hard limit. $69. And if anybody goes over that limit, the presents are null and void. They get cancelled.

If you go over the $69 limit on the Secret Santa present, it's null and void. Yep. Like no one gets it. Okay, great. Yep. Glad we've clarified that. Yep. So if anyone goes over the $69 for the Secret Santa present, it's null and void.

Why are you saying it like that? Good. Good. Very, very good. Why are you saying it like that? Very good. Very good. Very good. What's going on? Very good. What's going on?

Why? Because you went over so now I don't get my present? No, just very good. No, because then I would be an idiot, an arsehole for not getting you a gift. Well, that's, yeah. I mean, I don't know who you got. Oh, whoever I got? Yeah. Very good. Well, I'm happy to exchange my gift first. I'll close my arse so I don't know where it came from. Oh, that's a good call. Oh, I'm happy to exchange my gift first. I'll close my eyes so I don't know where it came from.

Oh, that's a good call. Oh, I peaked. Oh, there's multiple. Okay, so these two. Oh, is it a salami? Yes. Is it dynamite stick? I actually dried this for you in my shed.

Okay, so these two presents are from your secret Santa. Thank you. Open this one first. This one first. Okay. It looks like a dynamite stick. Yep. Or a salami.

It's a salami. I've already ruined it and told you. It's red and white. It's very well wrapped. Thank you. That is a talent of mine. Yep. It is a...

It is... What did you get from Secret Santa? It is a classic Le Tan. Because I said I wanted to go spray tanning with Burt Krashner. To be fair, it was more about the Burt Krashner than the tan, but this is excellent nonetheless. Okay. Is Burt in this one?

You'll have to wait and see. Are you kidding me? He has lost a lot of weight. Might fit in there. Okay, it's the size of like a jewellery box. It's not jewellery. Just to let everybody know. Just to let everyone know that it traditionally wouldn't fit a male adult. Maybe he's released a Barbie. He has lost a lot of weight. He's released a Barbie. It's the Burt Barbie.

It's heavy. Is it? Well, heavier than I expected. Okay. Because it's kind of the shape of Cadbury favourites. Oh, yeah. It's a bit heavier than that. Yeah.

So the second one is a... Okay. It is... It is a... Okay, it's a box of gravy and someone has crossed out the name of it and written young gravy on the top and then on a cricket maybe or just a bit of craft has made a speech bubble that says i love milfs and i haven't just crossed it out. I used brown paint pens. Yeah. Like it's quite professional looking.

It is. But so you got your spray tan with young gravy. And that's what I wanted when we went to America. Yes. A spray tan with young gravy. I thought it was Burt Kreisner in there, but no, it was actually young gravy. Yep.

I threw you off the scent. You did throw me off the scent. Thank you, though. That is a delicious gift. You're very welcome. I will actually consume it. Oh, and a card. I know that traditionally a card would come first, but.

I always come first. Read the thing. Sorry your present didn't come. Have you Photoshopped me again? I did, yeah. You've really been giving it a try. Yeah, I'm really into it right now. Am I allowed to read this on the show? We've said much worse.

Oh, in the Photoshop job, I'm wearing a T-shirt of a Suzuki Jimny. Did you get me a Jimny? It's coming. It's just it didn't arrive in time. It said, sorry your present didn't come, but you still will. Merry Christmas. Love, Santa. So the shirt that you've been Photoshopped on, that shirt's coming.

Oh, actually. Which I thought. The other day we were like, how embarrassing when you have to give him a printout. Yeah. But that shirt is coming if you'd like to. Yeah, it is of a Suzuki Jimny. I thought that it was such a sick shirt. It was a sick shirt.

Sorry, I didn't realise that was part of the gift. That is sick. I just thought it was a funny Photoshop. No, no, no. Yeah, so that shirt is on its way. I'll be rocking that next year. I ordered that late November and it still hasn't come. Well, as someone who's been on the Jimny website,

I can empathise and sympathise and I will not be criticising anything for happening over there. Thank you. Thank you for the range of gifts. Thank you very much. I hope that you like them. Yeah, no, that is very great. And thank you for the range of gifts. Thank you very much. I hope that you like them. Yeah, no, that is very great. And came just under the $69 limit.

I bet it did. So the shirt was $50, the gravy was $3.50, and the Le Tan, I think, was $10. Hey, I didn't ask for a receipt. No, no, no, but, like, I'm just, yeah. Now, I was going to say, would you like, because I've got, there's two things for you.

Okay. He's going to propose. There's this one. Ooh. And then there's this one that I was just checking. Wait, I mean, no, who is it from? It's a secret. Now, I just need to explain this one.

Yeah. Did you wrap that yourself? No. Oh. I wrapped this one. Who wrapped it, wrap that yourself? No. Oh. I wrapped this one. Who wrapped it, Bridget? Producer Cam. Oh.

Did Producer Cam. He was in the Secret Centre the whole time. He got me. You don't need to leave. You're in the Secret Centre. Now, I don't want to ruin it, but I do want to say something before I give this to you. Oh, no. Can I just open it and then?

No, because I think you need to know this. Okay. Because depending on your mindset going in could determine. My reaction? Yeah. Because. It's a weight loss DVD, guys. I'm not into that.

It's a zimpic. It's actually the same size as an ozempic box. I would know. Stop shaking. Oh, yeah. Shit. I know what it is. I'm upset.

No, that's why I wanted to talk about it first. And it's definitely not okay. You've ruined Christmas. Speaking of Ozempic, can we talk about you not swimming in my pool yesterday with the conversation that happened before it? I didn't have. Ryan said, it's a really hot day. Would you like to go? Did you bring your bathers? And I was like, no, I didn't.. Ryan said, it's a really hot day. Would you like to go?

Did you bring your bathers? And I was like, no, I didn't. And we were sitting around and it was Ryan, his wife and I. And he was like, oh, like what a bummer. Like it's so hot. And then Bridget said, oh, I've got some bathers you could borrow. And I was like, that's really polite of you, but we are like obviously not the same size.

But like thank you for the very sweet offer. And she goes nah i think i bought some when i was nine months pregnant that you could wear it was really funny like and bridget and i i think that people don't know that bridget and i have actually known each other longer than ryan and i have They work together. We are actual friends. And I think people are like, oh, Tony doesn't like Ryan's wife. I actually have known her for a really long time. You have to know someone for a fair while to get away with that.

To say that. Yes, that was quite funny. So I weight loss DVD and some really small bathers to, like, kick me into gear. This present could be considered. Nasty. And I know that it is because i know you know it is yeah but that's why i want to say but it's actually not i i i want it's actually i'm going

to call this what it's called forever i'm never going to be a dick about it and i think and i just want you to receive this in the way that i'm actually intending on giving it because that's what it means okay well then i will receive it that way from whoever got me. Do you understand the need to say that, though? I do, yes. Yeah, yeah, because that could be really horrible otherwise. Yeah, yeah. Aw.

I don't want to open it because it's going to make me sad. Aw. That's a label. That's been cut in half. That's a label from our label maker. Guys, you've really got to fucking get it together. Oh, it's the same box and everything. That's the same box

that mine's in. What is it for everyone playing along at home? It's a ducky spoon. I haven't opened it yet but are we allowed to call it ducky spoon? Yes. It's got a little Peter Duck on the front. Well, it's not just a ducky spoon yes it's got a little peter duck on the front well it's not just a ducky spoon oh it's the whole set because i know that you lost the fork and the knife yeah i think my dad was drunk and threw it out yeah

that sounds like it sounds like him to be honest um i have the box still like i have the box in like a and now you've got the full box set. And like I said, it could have been seen as like a dickish thing to continue that joke. That's really beautiful. To me, you now have a ducky spoon, a ducky knife and a ducky fork and that's what it's called and that's what it is and I hope that you appreciate it.

I love it. Thank you. I feel really bad for getting you kind of funny GIFs now. Well, now don't take this the wrong way. But are these null and void because were they over $69? Well, here's the awkward part. They actually came in a fair bit under. Oh, how much were they?

Oh, no one wants these? No, no, no. Look at my beautiful set. I want you to... Now, this also could be... This is... Actually, I'm just going to let you open it. Okay.

This is incredible. It's incredible. I love you. Merry Christmas. Oh, fuck, that's heavy. Yeah. Oh, it's weights, dumbbells. Oh, that's really thoughtful.

This is very thoughtful. The other one's more thoughtful. Oh, okay. Burt Crusher's in here. Yeah. Oh, you did write this down. That's fucking... Mate, that is shocking.

Oh, there seems to be a note on it. What is it? And what is it, first of all? Oh, okay. be a note on it. What is it? And what is it, first of all? Okay. I looked at our bank account the other day and I was like, who spent $40 a bunny? Did I put it on the work card? Merry fucking Christmas. It's a huge extension cable, yellow, might I add,

that's not going to go with the colour scheme of anyone's home. Please read the note. Dear Tony Lodge, please accept this extension cord, which will power the incredibly awesome and expensive bar fridge that Ryan got you as a housewarming present for your new house and certainly not as not secret Santa. You'll be pleased to know this extension cord is 100% less than $69. Your KK may or may not have $58 tenders.

Yeah, I also bought some firewood while I was at Bunnings. That's not for you, though. Happy holidays. $58.10 to spare. Yeah, I also bought some firewood while I was at Bunnings. That's not for you, though. Happy holidays. So. When Ryan. When Ryan. I've been, since Tony got the house, I said, I'm going to buy you a bar fridge because there's like an outdoor barbecue and a sink and there's a spot for a fridge.

For a fridge. And so I've been saying the whole time, I'll get you the fridge. But we stumbled across a fridge. So the day that we won the auction, Ryan goes, there's my housewarming present. I'll buy you a fridge. It's going to go there perfectly. And I was like, oh, my God. Like, yeah.

What else would you put there? And because it's like. It can't be anything else. Like there's nothing else that would go there. And then the other day, Ryan came around and said, oh, I should measure that and see what bar fridge to get you. And I was like, oh, fly in the ointment actually. There's no power out there and it's not really covered.

It's like kind of would be in the rain. So I'm like, it's not really like. It doesn't really make sense unless I had a heavy duty waterproof long extension cord running from the laundry through the doggy door. Is that what you said? I definitely didn't say it should be yellow. Well, because the heavy-duty one, yeah, so that annoyingly.

For safety, they have to be, like, brightly coloured or something. Yeah, and because it's heavy-duty because it will be outdoors. I thought maybe some, like, Mecca stuff would fall out the middle or something. It didn't. That's okay. Oh, sorry that I got you three ducky fucking colour resets. But yeah, so the ones that are blue and black and a bit more nonchalant

aren't waterproof and are like indoor only. But I actually spent time in the aisle being like, can I get a bit of a more chill colour? Because it's just quite, it's very on the work site. It is, yeah. We'll do a craft day and paint it. I was about to say I could cover it with vinyl. Oh, use the spray tan.

Oh, perfect orange. We'll cover it in gravy. Yeah, we've got all the ingredients. And I'll mix it up with my... With your surprisingly affordable ducky cutlery set. How much were the ducky spoons? Actually, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.

We'll say off air, yeah. But it definitely didn't break the rules. That's so beautiful. I love that it came in the box. Do you reckon that whoever you bought this off on eBay was like, I never thought they'd sell? Yeah. Like, he's like, fuck, I've just put those up as a bit of a Hail Mary.

I might get six bucks out of it. And actually, he was like, fuck, I posted those 10 years ago. I'm imagining some old guy that's like in a, you know how Adam Sandler movies are always like in Alabama, like in the South or whatever. Sure. And there's the old guy on the rocking chair that's been there for 80 years. I'm imagining him rocking on this chair and just, and it's like, he gets a notification. Yeah.

And then he goes over and he goes, what? What spoon? What are you talking about? I forgot about those. It's not even Peter Rabbit. Why would anyone want that? Oh, great gifts. Thank you.

I have one final gift as well. It is for Producer Cam on his last day at the Tony and Ryan show. And this is something. I really like wine and I know exactly what it is and it's made me upset. I'm never going to open that fucking thing. So I know you have had a history with roommates inviting themselves to a nice bottle of wine.

Cam loves to keep alcohol as like a... Sentimental. It's very sentimental to him. Yeah, and this is actually sentimental to me because it's a Best Great Western Shiraz 2019. So Bridget actually made this actual wine. So it's from the personal collection. She pissed in it.

I kind of gave away the other day. I'm like, when something's really special, I'll get Bridget to a wine. Yeah. For those playing along at home, if I ever get you a nice bottle and go, oh, so when me and Bridget lived in Canberra, I don't like it that much because the Canberra winery, like, you can take it all you want.

Oh, okay. But this is the good one from Best Great Western, and it is one that you can keep or consume or whatever because it's like, you know. It'll keep. It'll keep really nice. For those playing along at home, it's, yeah, the Shiraz 2019 from Best Great Western made by Bridge

from the personal collection. But, yeah, it's a 2019 from Best Great Western made by Bridge from the personal collection. But, yeah, it's a special one for us and I know you'll appreciate that. Did she stomp on it with her bare feet? She did. Yum. She did, yeah. She did. She didn't even have a pedicure at the time.

She wasn't barefoot. She was wearing Rossi boots. Yeah, that's why they actually charge more for this one. They do, yeah. Now, with the rules of KK, don't Google the street value. That's a mark of being illegal. No, that's okay. That's all right.

I had some left over. I had quite a lot left over for mine. So we pulled our resources together. Cam, whether you enjoy that over Christmas or over the next 10 years, thanks again for being a part of the show this year, man. We love you very much. Thank you. Thank you very much.

All right. We'll see you January 8th. Have a great fucking Christmas. Oh, you love to see it. Please, do you ever love to see it? Oh, yeah. And it's sort of a sentimental one. All right.

After you then. No, actually, you go first. No, because I can probably bring us back up. No, it's good, though. You go. My love to see it can probably bring us back up. No, it's good though. You go. My love to see it is the TARP community. Oh. Everyone who's in Patreon or anyone who's in the Facebook group,

anyone who contributes a story, anyone who just watches a video, everyone's a TARPer and I bloody love it. So from the bottom of my heart, thank you for being a TARPer this year. For turning up to be a part of singing I Still Call Australia Home, everyone in the background contributing to make Tony's dream come true. To all the fucking idiots that sat through 51 hours with us the whole time. Yeah. Psychopaths.

And to the thousands of people we met in the US. And that we've met in Australia this year when we were filming. Crazy. Our goal is to do this for as long as possible. Yeah. And without you listening, watching, sharing. There'd be no way. Your stories.

Yeah. Now, this is one thing that I really like, and it seems like a small tidbit, but it's like, I don't know, it just hit me right. So, Lauren, and not that Lauren, Lauren is a tapper, and she works at a burger place in Eltham, which I may or may not frequent a little more often than I would like to admit. But what I like is when people go, she didn't say, I listen to the podcast. She goes, oh, hey, Ryan, I'm a tarpa.

I like that too. And I said, so am I. And it wasn't like I watched the show, I see the videos, it's like, I'm a tarpa. And I don't know why, if it was just like the right moment of the day, but I was just like, oh, that felt fucking cool. So I love to see that. So thank you, Lauren. No, that is really, really nice.

And because it is like we've all found each other. Rather than we've got all these followers, it's like, oh, no, we're fucking all bit tapped. And I love to see that we're all together. Yeah, that's so nice. Okay, you want to do yours now? My love to see it is Dad's naming boats. I don't know if you've seen this online.

I actually haven't. Don't know if you've seen this online. It is actually. Dad, tell me about it. What happened? Have you got an example? Leave you all with that for the year. Leave you all with that?

Nice. You're a dad. You've named a boat. Thank you. Thank you, everyone, for listening, being part of it. The marathon, you'll love to see it. Loving all of us equally, being there for us when we've needed it. And, yeah, it's very, very cool.

Have an amazing holiday season. Drive very safe. Eat lots of food. And see you next year. Ah! Doesn't make sense. Doesn't make sense. What do you mean?

I said see you next year. I don't get it. What do you mean you don't? Nah, I'll see you next year. Bitch, you bitch. Bye. Go name a boat, you soon-to-be dad. No announcement, by the way.

Yeah. Is that news? Bye. Love you so much. Thank you for watching, listening. See you next year. Fuck. Love you, bye.