Toni and Ryan - Jizzy Rascal

Episode Date: May 29, 2024

A new segment: Follow Up Fursday. Love ya! xoxoCheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Dr. Author Tony Lodge. Sorry, I'm just jumping in here. What? What? We're calling Mariah C. The singer? The singer! Who apparently lives in Niagara.

Oh, I've been to Niagara Falls. You have. Mariah grows plants and is a pet sitter. Is that something a famous pop star would use as a cover? Oh, that's what they all say, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. If I was Mariah Carey, that's what I would tell people I'm doing. And I would also use a low-key name like Mariah C.

When I book hotels, I say Tony L. Just so I don't get followed. Do you know what I mean? You've got to be safe. When someone says grows plants, you know what I'm saying? Hello? Mariah! Mariah Carey! Tony and Ryan!

Mariah C, it says here that you grow plants. Can you confirm or deny that you're in fact a weed smuggling drug dealer? I can confirm nor deny that I am a weed dealer. Okay, well that's why she's using Mariah. She's defaming Mariah Carey's good name.

Do you know what I mean? She's like the cops find her and they go, what's your name? She goes, oh, Mariah Carey. It's not me. It's not me. It's not me. Mariah, say we will approve today's podcast. Of course we will approve today's podcast.

Yay. Excellent. Hey, this is Mariah from Niagara and I approve this podcast. Welcome to the show everyone. Tony and Ryan are fighting. Don't do this. Because everyone can agree that Shibuzy is one of the great musical acts of our generation. Name one more song.

Vegas. Didn't think you'd have that ready to go. Shaboosie has got the biggest song in the world right now. What's that song we were just listening to? What's that called? It's called a bar song in brackets, Tipsy. And I believe they didn't call it Tipsy because of jay kwan's original everybody in the club get tipsy yeah that's the one that's the one yeah anyway i'm team shibuzi me too it's a great song no you've

been making fun of his name no i know say what you said i said take it shibuzi as in a like how is that my um it sounds like you need to take a shabeezy right now. Oh, why am I shabeezy? In other awesome musical act news, my costume arrived yesterday for my dress-up party that was last weekend. Oh, well, you'll be ready for the next birthday. Well, it looks fucking ridiculous. And Bridget goes, oh, you could wear it when you go

to that show with the guy that fucks people's mums to young gravy yes you can yeah when else oh my god and she said that and i was like first of all his name is young gravy yeah second of all oh god not another person making fun of someone's name yeah yeah but second of all i was like you're probably right that's the only other place i could get away with it yeah oh well then you sorted yep we're all good that's actually really good news all right that's the end of the show today my love to see it is that ryan's got somewhere to wear his shit outfit the thing is is that for the dress-up party it would have been a dress-up but for young gravy it's just like a jacket.

Yeah, no, but I think that's okay because like- You've got to lean in. Well, at Taylor Swift, that was like a- Yeah. You were like dressing up for the theme. Should I post a photo of the jacket in the episode thread today? Yeah, so we can all judge it because you ended up actually having to borrow a fur coat from our producer, Sophie. She had to put that in an Uber commute or whatever it's called.

Was it her? Was it your jacket or your fake husband's? Okay, it's not her boyfriend. It's her husband. It was mine. They had a wedding party and didn't sign the papers. Don't tell the press. Yeah, people are dying for that information.

Whose jacket was it though? Was it his? Yeah, it was mine. It was yours. He has been known to wear it. Yeah. Oh, so it's a shared. It's a shared jacket.

Now it's a real heirloom. So Sophie, her husband, now you. Who's next? Mabel. Mabel. Mabel will be wearing it next. Pass it down. Yep, yep, yep.

All right, let's do normal or nah. Thanks to everyone who submitted these, the Tony and Ryan podcast Facebook group or at TonyandRyan.com.au. Kyan has a normal or nah. Hi, Kyan. Might be Kyan. Just saying. C-I-com.au. Kyan has a normal on R. Hi, Kyan. Might be Kyan. Just saying. C-I-A-N.

Kyan. Like Kyan Toomey, the comedian. Oh, I love that guy. Yeah. And Shaboosie. Fucking hell. I will leave. Kyan asks.

Kyan. Fuck. Kyan asks, does anyone else have to sing the alphabet song every time you need to figure out something in alphabetical order? No more. I've got a few pick-up points through the song that I know because you know how you like know the alphabet but you know it in parts?

Yeah. So you go, oh. The LMNOP is a good place to start. That is pretty good. If it's an alphabetical at the back end, just start at the LMNOP and pick it up from there. I can start at the TUV. That is pretty good. If it's an alphabetical at the back end, just start at the LMNOP and pick it up from there. I can start at the TUV. That is handy.

Yeah. That's a good, yeah, that's good intel. What's the name again? Kian. Kian says, my advisor. Fucking hell. Hang on, no, what's the name drama today? There's drama with names.

Oh, I'm just not good at talking in general and I'm just having a fucking day. Thank God you're here. You didn't think about picking up another gig. Blue Heelers. Sorry, I just thought we were naming great Australian TV shows. Oh, Blue Heelers isn't what I would have gone with. I would have gone with.

Have you been paying attention? That is a good show. All Saints? Home and Away? I wasn't allowed to watch All Saints because it started at 8.30 and that was my bedtime. And because I get scared easy, I wasn't allowed to watch like a because it started at 8.30 and that was my bedtime. And because I get scared easy, I wasn't allowed to watch like a high-octane medical drama.

My mum was like, I don't want to deal with Tony being scared about what Von said on All Saints tonight. So you didn't get to experience Georgie Parker 1.0? No, unfortunately not. She did release a range of sleepwear though around that same era that I bought for my mum for Mother's Day. They sold it in Target. And you're like, oh, here's... She's still dining out on that, I reckon, Georgie Parker.

She's like, remember when I did those pyjamas? You know, they were good. They sold them in Target. Tony Lodge's mum got them for Mother's Day. She's still talking about it. So you're going to say your mum's still dining out on them. I'm pretty sure she's not. She's still talking about it. So you're going to say your mum's still turning out. I'm pretty sure she's not. She's definitely not.

And you go, mum, I got some pyjamas from that lady in that show that you won't let me watch. That I'm not allowed to watch. Yeah, oh, I'd love to buy you those pyjamas, mum, but I'm not allowed to watch Raw Sense, so I guess I'll just go fuck myself. I'm eight years old. Go sleep in Kmart pyjamas. She's like, Tony, stop it.

Real niche Australian chat, sorry. Kian says, my academic advisor and I were editing my manuscript and he noticed that my citations were not in the correct order. So in his office in the university, I started singing the alphabet song and putting the references in order. I look over and his face is saying, are you really writing a dissertation in uni and doing this? Are you the same person? Not everyone's skills lie in the same areas.

I also sing the song, so normal, Cian. Yeah, normal, normal. Now this is Kai. Hi, Kai. K-A-I. Kai. Yeah. Fuck.

You okay, mate? No. Do you need a cup of tea or something? You got a cup of tea on your face? No, I actually don't. Oh tea no i actually got a huge gatorade yeah i've had a big night i probably do need to get a cup of tea i'll get that in the break yeah okay um kai i ate all the skin on the chicken nugget first then eat the inner meaty bit. Instantly, this needs an information update. It's not skin. It's batter. So it's not chicken skin.

It's batter. I don't really think it's chicken on the inside either. What? Is it the skin of the nugget? No. Because that would insinuate that it was chicken skin, which is not. I don't know if it does insinuate that. I think it absolutely does.

It's just the skin of a nugget. If the definition of skin, for example. If you're wearing a jacket, that's not your skin. No, but my skin is of my person. If the definition of skin is layer of something on the outside. Is it though? Let me Google the definition of skin. layer of something on the outside. Is it, though? Let me Google the definition of skin. We're getting into it.

Okay. The thin layer of tissue forming the natural outer covering of the body of a person or animal. I guess you would say, like, the skin of a banana, but that's how it naturally comes. A nugget isn't naturally like occurring in the wild. What? Naturally foraged nuggets.

Then what are all those nugget trees doing out there? What's falling down? Do you know what that's what you get from grilled? You know, at Macca's, you know, you get it's not naturally occurring in the wild. Yeah. From grilled. That's a wild nugget.

The HFC chicken. They find that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So does a chicken nugget grow on a tree or from the ground? No, that's from a vine, actually. Completely wrong. Third option from a vine. Like a passion fruit. yeah, yeah. So does a chicken nugget grow on a tree or from the ground? No, that's from a vine, actually. Completely wrong. Third option from a vine. Like a passion fruit.

Yes, exactly right. And like a banana, it needs a male and female tree to come together. I actually didn't. Like when you say it out loud, you're like, well, of course. But in my mind, when you say a nugget and someone went the skin, I just went, well, obviously. Obviously, yeah, you don't even double check. But then you say that and you go, well, yeah.

Yeah. But also, nah, I like the texture and the taste of both. Like it was created to be enjoyed as one. I love the texture of the crunchy bit so I eat that first. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does this because my friends are calling me a psycho. I just feel like then you've got like a wobbly grey piece of chicken. Yeah.

Do you know, like I know that's hell upsetting. It is. I'm really sorry. But like so the yummy nummy part's gone and then you've just got like basically an eraser. Yeah. Like that's upsetting. So I just eat the outside of a chicken and then rub out my spelling mistakes.

Yeah, and then go back to grade three. Yeah. So I'm saying nah wholeheartedly. Could we just have chicken nuggets without the chicken inside? Well, that's just batter. Yeah. Yeah, which is just like funnel cake, isn't it, when they squeeze the batter into the deep fryer?

I've only seen it on TV. We're ruining my greatest favourite food. Sorry, sorry, sorry. None of what you've said is incorrect, but it's still just. It's upsetting. I understand that. Remember we were talking about something the other day and you were kind of like, can you explain this to me?

And I said, the more. Yeah, don't ask questions. The more you think about it, the less it makes sense. Yeah. That also applies to nuggets. The Australian tax system and nuggets. Well, people don't want to know how the sausage gets made and that saying needs to be updated to the nugget.

People don't want to know how the nugget gets made. It's 24th century, people. 25th. 21st. I was, I got caught up. Am I the only one struggling today? I got caught up on saying it's 21st century, but it's 2024. You got caught between two things.

Yeah. It's a 2024 century. I said it's the 24th century. Then instead of correcting myself to the 21st century. Fuck, wow. Can we go home? This is too much. I think we need, do you want a coffee?

Because I'm going to get one. I'm going to order one on Uber Eats. Fraffes all around. Sammy Bordeaux. Hey, Sammy Bordeaux. What would you give to have your last name be Bordeaux? I'd marry Sammy, that's for sure. Easy dub, easy job.

Any easy done. Fuck! Do you know that you can just go into the- I'm an easy done. You're an easy done. Do you know that you can just like go and change your name? Isn't that wild? That feels illegal.

Yeah. What would you change yours to? Because you are on the record of saying you didn't love Tony. I don't really like my name at all. I think it's shit. You know my second favourite joke? What? The guy whose name was Steve put a dick in my ass,

wanted to change his name for obvious reasons. Yeah. And guess what he changed it to? Paul. Kevin's dick in my ass, yeah. Do you know, maybe I'll change my name to Amanda because I love that joke, like what's better than eating a mandarin? Eating Amanda out.

Eat Amanda out lodge. No, I wouldn't change. I don't think I would change it now. It's just, it's stuck. Yeah, it's stuck. Sammy Bordeaux, holding your breath while filming a video so no one hears your dumb ass breathing. I'm going to say no, but it should be more normal.

Do you know what I was literally about to say? I wish this was normal for me. But instead it's me going in the background. Look at that cat meme. I've just checked into this beautiful Airbnb. Check out the view. Literally. And then me breathing through one blocked nostril.

And they go, is she running a marathon? I go, nah, I just walked three steps into my Airbnb. Oh, is there no lift at the Airbnb? Nah, there is. Yeah, unfortunately, there was actually a butler that carried me in. I'm still pumped. And you think Tony's five, you should hear the butler. still popped.

And you think Tony's popped, you should hear the butler. Finally, Lewis has a normal or nah. Hi, Lewis. Does anyone else think a compliment about parking hits way harder than any other compliment? Recently, I was driving around town with a mate and he says to me, I forgot how good you are at parking.

You better fucking believe I was beaming from ear to ear, super proud for the rest of the day. Because that is even normal, by the way, because that's even better. Saying, oh, I forgot how good you are at parking is way better than, oh, great park. Because it implies you've got a history and a reputation. It's every time. Yeah.

My sister has a really big car because because it's her her husband and two kids so they've just got this massive fucking family car huge like suv car and the other day she fit that car into a car park that i don't think my audi would have fit in and literally the whole afternoon i'm like how lib Lib, how was that? Fucking park. And I texted her the other day and I said, remember when you parked? I literally still can't get over it. It's like the biggest moment in our family. I'm like, on her deathbed, I'm like, remember that park

with that big car you had in Melbourne? I knew this would light up Tony Lodge. Oh, because you're a great parker and you know it. I let you into that. Yeah, you did. I steered you into that. You did. But I would say that being-

Not only is it a great compliment to receive, but Tony is impressed by other people's parking. Yeah. But maybe different to Lewis's mate who was like, just like, fuck yeah. Good job. Tony actually gets a bit hot and heavy. Gets a bit razzy.

Yeah. Yeah, it does. Gets you in the mood. Because I'm just like, oh, cool. You're operating this machinery in this way. So one day I've got my right hand. Just remember we're in Australia. Got my right hand on the wheel and my left hand on the back

of the headrest that Tony's sitting in the passenger seat as I look him back kind of doing those ones. I wish this was somewhere else, if you know what I'm saying. Steering to the skid. We're going to go to a short break. Why is that? Hey, this is Mariah from Niagara in Canada, and you're listening to Tony and Ryan.

A massive shout-out to a few of our Champion Tapas over at our Patreon. Our Patreon has, like, a bunch of cool shit in it. And for Champion Tapas, like, a couple of the guys I'm about to read out, we're having a little live stream on Sunday. Sunday night. All the info is in Patreon. Yeah. What are we going to be doing again?

We're going to do self-care. Doing little face mask and stuff. In front of the fire at Tony's. So it'll be like Sunday Arvo Australia time, but all the information's in Patreon. If you want to check it out, please join now. And you get like a month of shit. It's not a calendar month.

It's like it's from when you sign up. Question. Question. I just thought I would make that clear because it's like the 30th today. Oh, yeah. So I don't want people to think. And you sign out tomorrow. Yeah, yeah.

I don't want people. Exactly right. Yeah. That's from when the day you sign up. Yeah. Also, I think it's a 10 or 15 or 20% discount if you get an annual. Yes. And someone bought that for their partner for their birthday.

Yeah, nothing like an anal discount. So. Should I do the names before you do whatever you do? For the, yeah, no, you can go. Okay. David Tester. Hardly know. Good on you, Dave.

Alex Welchell. Spider Cat. Meow. Sierra Britton and Amber Cooper-Smith. You go. For the self-care live stream. Yes. Would you like me to arrange a professional to come in to do like a foot rub?

So I actually was thinking about this. Yeah. You know that app? This is not a fucking ad. You know that app Get Bliss? We used that for the live stream. Yeah, yeah. And I mean Cam got a.

Producer Cam, RIP. Yeah, rest in peace. But wasn't it funny when they're like, oh, we need two people for the massage and then everyone's looking at me and Tony and Cam goes, yeah, I'll do it. Well, I was like, am I allowed to fall asleep during the massage? And they're like, oh, we need two people for the massage and then everyone's looking at me and Tony and Cam goes, yeah, I'll do it. Well, I was like, am I allowed to fall asleep during the massage? And they're like, no. I'm like, well, I obviously cannot lay face down for 20 minutes.

I will fucking die. Anyway, yeah, we could do it. That would be, I mean, maybe not good live stream content as we know because we've done it before. No, but I think if they work the feet and not laying down face down. Or if we were sitting up and they were doing the shoulders or something like that because both of us have got a bit of a crook neck this week.

Yeah, but you know why I'm fucking in the zone for a shoulder rub? Why? You want to feel my back? Oh. Old dolphin done over here. I can barely sit on this seat. It might slide off. You did?

I did. You did? It was the back. It was the back. It's because you've got the back wax. Go on again. It's because you've got the back wax. Go on again. It It might slide off. You did? I did. You did? It was the back. It was the back. It's because you got the back wax. It's gone again. It's because you got the back wax. It's gone again.

It's the back wax. The reason I fell off my seat before is because I've had my back wax. He's got a silky sack. And I slid off the seat. Yeah. Beautiful news for the team. How do hairless back people go about their day? Mate, look at me every day.

Because I reckon I get my back waxed twice a year, and for the weeks following, it's fucking carnage out here, guys. Yeah, but I think it's just because it's terrain you're not used to. It is. Do you know what I mean? You get used to it, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like you get used to having a big car.

Fuck. You know? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so see you on Sunday. If you want to join the Patreon, we'll fucking see you there. Hey, guys, we're pitching a new segment idea. You know how I love-

It's just another different type of normal or not? No, this one's actually different. I have been accused in the past and accepting the accusations, but you know how I used to work in radio, so I love alliteration? Yes. I would like to introduce you to Follow Up Thursday. Oh, good. Because we talk about a lot of shit on this podcast

and a lot of responses come through and I think we need to follow up on a few. Yeah. So welcome to Follow Up Thursday. I love Follow Up Thursday. It's my favourite day. First of all, remember- First of all.

First of all. First Follow Up Thursday. Do you remember, fuck, was it last week when the confession was that guy or that story about the guy who reckons he fucked someone while scuba diving? It wasn't even a confession. We did a whole break on it. Right, okay.

But you remember this story. Yes. This guy goes, oh, yeah, I was with this chick that we were kind of flirting, so I took her into this underwater cave during a scuba diving class I was teaching and fucked her underwater. And we're like, that obviously didn't happen. And then, hang on, you're forgetting the worst part of this fake story.

And then the fish ate the cummies is what the story said. J-Face is a tarper. J-Face. J-Face. Yep. J-Face is a diving instructor and he would like to follow up on a Thursday. Okay. He says, well, that story could have happened, but incredibly unlikely.

Let me break it down. Thank you very much. First of all, he said in tropical waters, you don't require a require a wetsuit so you know how we questioned the wetsuit yep you keep that in mind okay he goes however this is the main point for him many of the courses that when you do a scuba diving courses are not a one-on-one course it's you like the instructor and like four or five people yeah so with this in mind, the instructor abandoned the other students who were underwater so he could go fuck some chick in a cave. You know what I mean?

So he goes, hey, guys, I know we're currently under the ocean. Just wait here. Because there's no way of communicating that. There's only so many hand signals you can do. What's the hand signal for like I'm going to go fuck a chick and you wait here. So he goes, what, and they just waited under the water? Yeah.

As a student. They're just treading water. Imagine we're a student, you and I, we're terrified. I am a student of the world. I'm always learning every day. We're terrified. We're underwater and we're like, fuck, I'm nervous. Yeah.

And our instructor goes, hey, just wait here. You're under the fucking water. You know what I mean? Yeah. So he's like, that's where it sort of breaks down for him a little bit. I'm glad that J-Face is on our side. J-Face also says, as for the air consumption, because of the heavy breathing, it would deplete the oxygen really fast.

Oh, that's what we said, that if you were. Yeah, and this is where J-Face starts to get a bit of sass. No, but he's on our side, so the sass is welcome. He goes, with that in mind, the whole event must have taken minutes at most, not something to brag about. Yeah, how do you like them apples? I did see a lot of comments on the thread that day that were like agreeing with us about it's the wrong kind of wet.

Yeah, it is. Because you're not moist, you're just wet the wrong kind of wet. Yeah, it is. It really is. Because you're not moist. You're just wet. You're just wet. Yeah. Jface then says, one thing that is true is the fish eating the jizz. 100% fact. Those little cum guzzlers would eat anything, and I've seen it.

Thank you, Jface. They seen it. Thank you, J Face. They love it. There's no way. It's been confirmed on follow-up Thursday. Okay. Next, I would like to remind us about a harrowing tale. Sorry, I've just had a really disgusting visual. Well, it's going to get worse.

About some bachelor just jizzing in a fish tank. And I feel upset. I'm upset that you've said that. Yeah, I had to share it because at that time just then it was 100% on me and I didn't like it. I didn't like the responsibility it gave me. So there's a guy that lives by himself and he's got a fish tank and he just jizzes into the tank and watches the fishes eat it.

Is it like a power play or he just needs a place to put it? Needs a place to put it, I guess. How many fish in the tank? Six. I'm imagining a little bit like Juice Bigelow, how he house sits for that guy with the big piranha or whatever. That is what I'm picturing. I'm really sorry, everyone.

Yeah, thanks. But for a moment, that was just me. Yeah. I was alone in that for a second. Now it's all of us. Yeah, so thank you, everyone, for supporting me. We don't say you're welcome. You're not welcome.

But like our problem shared is a problem halved. Well, I don't want half of your problem. Yeah, a problem with no problems is not a problem. Oh, I don't want half of your problem. Well, you've got it. Yeah, a problem with no problems is not a problem. Oh, and you've always said that. Yeah. A few weeks ago, we had a harrowing tale that included the term population paste to describe what we were actually just talking about.

Cummies. I didn't realize that follow-up Thursday was going to be so jizz heavy. It's pretty jizzy. Yeah. Yeah. Dizzy on jizzy. Yeah. Yeah. Dizzy on jizzy. Yeah. Instead of dizzy on fizzy.

Jizzy rascal. For those of you new to the game. It's actually not important. Okay, great. Carper Corey. Hi, Corey. After hearing population paste used on the pod, messages his partner asking if they have a craving for my man meat with a side

of population paste. God, you don't want to send that to the wrong person. Or to the right person. Yeah, actually, don't send it to anyone. Corey's partner replies by saying, a population paste is the most disgusting phrase I've ever heard in my life. It's a no from me.

It is visual. Corey then posts the screenshot of this text exchange in the Tony and Ryan Facebook group and challenges everyone else to use the same sentence on their own partner and see what response they get. Ashley. Hi, Ash. I'm craving your man meat with a side of population paste. Her boyfriend responds, I just vomited.

Fair. Yep. Fair. Caitlin Scott, I'm craving your man meat with a side of population paste. Her husband responds, I am very willing. Oh, okay. And then Caitlin, who's from Bunbury, by the way. Oh, I could have told.

Then sends a screenshot of this tarp thread and goes, oh, no, like just kidding. Was just curious to see what your response would be. Yeah. And the husband's like, well, am I getting my dick sucked or not? Like I don't understand. Yeah. You know, like he starts getting a bit defensive.

Yeah. He's wanting to give the population pay. Unfair. And he's like, I don't understand. And so, you know, so he's fucking all revved up. Yeah. And then I get into the thread. And you say, imagine juicing into a fish tank.

Fish tank being her nickname. I said to Caitlin, oh, was he pissed that he, like, wasn't getting it? Yeah. And then she responded this morning and said, he got it. Good one, Caitlin. Yeah. Took one't getting it. Yeah. And then she responded this morning and said he got it. Good one, Caitlin. Yeah. Took one for the team. Yeah.

Don't threaten me with a good time. And that is follow-up Thursday. Okay. So one question, obviously, will it always be cum driven? No. Okay. No, it won't. In fact, that is a big regret.

But, you know, we start and we make adjustments as we go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's always tweaking. But, you know, we start and we make adjustments as we go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's always tweaking. ABC, always be tweaking. Shut up. Yeah, no, I don't want it to be jizz heavy. Yeah. I want to be jizz heavy, but I don't want that to be jizz heavy.

I feel like I just liked, and it's funny because of the topic of conversation, but I like the community involvement. Me too. And the let's all try this one together and see how we go. Yeah, I do like the thread of the text. Yes. That's great. People testing that out on their families.

Yep. Very funny. Don't even say families, just say partners. Partners. Because families could, you know what I mean? Yeah, okay. Like you wouldn't want to send that to the family group chat. No. don't even say families just say partners because families could you know what i mean yeah okay like you wouldn't want to send that to the family group chat no do you know what would be worse though sending it to your friends group chat because they would roast you for life like your

family would be like oh tony louise like what have you done should i send it to a group chat now no no what group chats have i got going got going? I've got my family one. No. I've got commune life. I don't think that we need to do this. Enough people have already. Commune life wouldn't like it, and I'm going to live with those people one day, so I can't be doing that.

What do you love to see? All right. My love to see it is motherfucking slippers. My uggs are my love to see it is motherfucking slippers. My Uggs are my love to see it. It's gotten quite cold in Melbourne recently. It's very frosty. And every morning I slip my chilly little tootsies into my little Ugg moccasins. Yeah.

And they're wool on the inside? They are like that sheep skin. So they don't get stinky. They like stay real clean. They are life-changing. What are you like to see it? I do love to see that. I've never been a huge slipper guy, but recently from Uniqlo.

That's right. And I think we're calling them at our house like a house shoe or a house slipper because they're kind of just like a big ball of foam that you just roll around in. So it's not quite a shoe, not a house slipper because they're kind of just like a big ball of foam that you just roll around in. So it's not quite a shoe, not quite a slipper, just this nice little middle ground that you can just slide into. They're just so good. And the ones that I've got like have a sole so you can like wear them

if you like. Sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no. But you know what I mean. How do they feel about it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're really happy.

So you can like take the rubbish out and stuff. You know when some of them. That's what I, you know, I can't be bothered putting shoes on, but I'm not going to put rubbish out in bare feet because I'm not a fucking animal. Yeah. If only there was something I could slide into. Yeah.

Slide into a fucking hug. That is a great you love to say. I just like was thinking about the other day and I was like, fuck, aren't these good? And I went, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, they fucking are. There's Thursdays you love to see them. I just, like, was thinking about it the other day and I was like, fuck, aren't these good? And I went, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, they fucking are. There's Thursdays you'll love to see.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought you'd love to see that. Yeah, I love to see that. And what a two for one. Yeah. You know, like, I get to enjoy them every day. Because you've got two feet. Two feet.

That's hilarious. Two for one, three for one then. Two shoes. Love it. And I get to talk about it at my favourite job ever. Yeah, great. Isn't that good? Love it.

And I get to talk about it at my favourite job ever. Yeah, great. Isn't that good? My love to see it is Canberra has been named the second best city in the world for quality of life. Oh, has the people that voted on it not been anywhere else? I'm sorry. I've never been to Canberra. That was harsh.

And it shows. And it shows. Well, some of the things they used to measure quality of life was like income relevant to house prices. So people in Canberra earn heaps. Everyone? Like on average. And the property market isn't as crazy as everywhere else.

So suddenly you're earning heaps and you're paying less. Because no one wants to live there. I have lived there and it was great. No, but isn't that why it's cheaper to buy a house? No, because they keep opening new land and there's like space and it's not been overgrown with fucking blah, blah, blah. I see. They've also got really good public transport

and there's no bad traffic and there's parking everywhere. Are you going to fucking kick back from Canberra? No, I'm pitching it to you because look at how great it is. Are we moving to Canberra? So when you bag it out because you go, oh, parking's easy. It's easy to get around. Shit's cheap. You can earn lots of money.

Like, there's great restaurants and stuff. Could we go to Canberra and then I could decide for myself? I will show you around Canberra. Yeah. Because I fucking love the shit out of Canberra. Let's go to Canberra. And actually, this will make you love Canberra even more. And thank you to Tapa Jessica Rose who sent this through and she said,

Hi, Jessica. How's the sassiness of the ABC Canberra Facebook person? So ABC Canberra posts this news and goes, we're the second. How cool. How cool. And then tags ABC Melbourne and tags ABC Sydney. Fuck, that's funny. And tags ABC Brisbane.

And have a look at your phone because I've sent you a screenshot. When they tagged them, look what they said in the comment. Canberra named second best city in the world for quality of life. Or tagged the other major cities and said, how do you like them apples? Okay. I like Canberra. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm on board.

Yeah, great. Great, great, great, great. Let's go to Canberra so I can decide. We don't need to. You already know now. Now I already know. Oh, that's amazing. Well, you love to say that. Congratulations, Canberra. Now I already know. Oh, that's amazing. We love to see that.

Congratulations, Canberra. I'm sure they're listening, all of them. We have heaps of people listening from Canberra. I just said I'm sure they're listening. That's a very anti-Canberra thing to say. I'm literally asking if we can go. We can. Do you want to stay at my house?

We'll bring our slippers. You'll need them. It's cold in winter. Oh, fuck. But warm in summer. That's how seasons work. Anyway, tomorrow on need them. It's cold in winter. Oh, fuck. But warm in summer. That's how seasons work. Anyway, tomorrow on the show. Tomorrow's a video show.

Yep. Oh. Now, my grandma, Betty, would you say is an arch enemy of Tony Lodge? Yes. Well, she has. Not long to go. Sorry, that's Elgrim. Fuck, if she dies this week, you will feel like a fucking arsehole.

Oh, no, don't. I'd feel awful. And she's such a lovely woman. For an archenemy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I mean, keep your friends close. Enemies close. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know. Grandma Betty has some life advice and maybe even a hack that all of us will hear and go, fuck, thank God for Grandma Betty. Even her arch enemies. Oh, that's good. And I know for a fact that her arch enemy, Tony, won't poo-poo what she has to say.

And I'm a sucker for a hack as well. Yeah. Yeah. So that's on the show tomorrow. And I think we're all going to sit back and go, Betty's cracked the code. Okay. All right. You heard it here first.

Yep. And, oh, sorry, am I keeping you up? No, there's just more and more things. Just crack the code. Okay. All right. Get rid of here first. Yep. And. Oh, sorry. Am I keeping you up? No, there's just more and more things. Oh, I just can't overstate how important this is. Maybe you can. Maybe it's not that good and you've just really built it up.

Sorry. I'm just so excited about going to Canberra. Okay. Let's go. Let's go. All right. We'll see you tomorrow. Love you. Bye.