Toni and Ryan - Kendall Jenner vs Photoshop

Episode Date: February 15, 2023

An update from the post office and I prove my allegiance to Kamp Kardashian. Love ya!! Toni xo Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, welcome to the podcast. We are calling Erin. Erin, who's on the Sunshine Coast in Queensland. The sunny coast. Erin Brady speaking. Hello, Erin Brady speaking. Erin, it's Tony and Ryan. How you doing? Shut the actual front door. Yeah, would you like to come and watch a movie with Tony and I?

And do you approve this podcast? Of course I do, 100%. I can't wait. See you tonight. See you tonight. See you. Hi, this is Erin from Queensland, and I definitely approve this podcast. All right, coming up today, I've got some, I wouldn't actually say some beef.

I'm just loving the Kardashians and the Jenners on Instagram and a potential Photoshop fail. Now, I know that, Tony, you will not hear a bad word. About my Queen-dashians. Yeah. Never. So I'm not happy about this. Are you saying that it's not a Photoshop fail? We'll get to that soon.

But first, let's do normal or nah. Paige says. Is this from Paige in our Facebook group? Yes. And I think this has got Tony written all over it. I don't like being called out in things. Not to sway the jury. Paige asks, does anyone else spend two or three days before opening a message

because you have anxiety about opening the message and not replying straight away? Then you leave it for so long it actually creates more anxiety and it's just a vicious cycle. Normal or nah? Normal. I do this all the time all the time i also do it with messaging people first when i know that like something's coming up like you mean like if um if someone's like birthday is

coming up and i'm like oh i should probably message them and see if they like want to have dinner beforehand or something and then if i get like a bit anxious about it, then I don't do it and then it gets to their birthday and I'm like, I should have messaged them a week ago and been like, did you want to have dinner? Yeah. Or whatever the situation is. But I look at a message and you can only say the first like eight words

or whatever and I'm like, I don't think I have the energy to deal with that right now. I'm not taking on new messages at this time. Yeah. And then I don't read it and then four days goes past or a week or something and I go, I actually just, because the first, when I'm feeling overwhelmed, the first thing to go is me replying to text messages.

Right. Unless I think it's like work. So if you text me, I'll always open it because I know that it's probably for work. Well, that's what I was going to say. It doesn't ring true to me that you would not reply instantly to a text message. Yeah.

Like I've seen you not reply for a minute and you're like, I'm so sorry, I didn't get back to you straight away. Yeah. Or if I'm like, I always feel really guilty if I'm like, say it's a hair wash day and I'm in the shower and I'm like shaving everything, I'm doing my hair, whatever, then I always feel really guilty because if you're in the shower for like 20 minutes or something, that's like quite a long time

to not reply to something if it's like urgent. And then you're like, oh my God, I'm so sorry. And then I always feel really guilty because if you're in the shower for like 20 minutes or something, that's like quite a long time to not reply to something if it's like urgent. And then you're like, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. And then I always feel really guilty. It's Valentine's Day tomorrow. I'm shaving every hair of my body. Of my body, including my head. But, yeah, so then I'm a bit more prompt. But, yeah, I let messages.

I've got a couple sitting in there at the moment. Do you want to take care of them now? Who are they from? No, I actually don't even know. But I know that there's a few. I won't say their names. I'm just curious to know. Yeah, go on, pass it here.

Well, I've got 141 unread text messages. Yeah, I'm not good with that as well. The top one? You're my favourite. He's annoying. That's all right. Yeah. Who else have you got here?

Oh, there's one from me and Brad. That's great. Our manager. Yeah. Oh, him. Yeah. Okay. That's understandable.

Which one? Tony. Yeah. Who? There's a message from the paddle club that you haven't opened and it's like two weeks old. I'm not getting into it. I'm not getting into it.

No, okay. So when that message came through, I was with Bree, so I was replying via her proxy. Hey, sure. Hey, I ain't here to judge. You just said I'm not going to give any names. I didn't. I just said the club that they're in.

Oh, it's just she loved a message. It's not a new message. Yep, yep, yep, yep. Okay. Well, anyway, yep, yep. Okay. Well, anyway, I think totally normal. And I reckon lots of people would get the same overwhelm. Yeah, absolutely. And then you have to do the speech every time.

Oh, I'm so sorry. I've been so busy. And then you seem so self-important. It's just like such a vicious cycle. Reply straight away. My love. This is from Dominica. Hi, Dominica.

My love language is being annoying as fuck to my partner. Dominika says, every time I slap my husband's butt, he gets so fucked off and it's so funny, it makes me love him even more. Every time I roast him and he doesn't have a comeback, he gets so fucked off and it's so funny and I love him even more.

Every time I impersonate him with a stupid voice, he gets really fucked off, it's so funny and it makes I love him even more. Every time I impersonate him with a stupid voice, he gets really fucked off, it's so funny, and it makes me love him even more. Is this normal or nah? Is fucking someone off one of the official love languages? Because it feels right, doesn't it? Adding a bit of liberty there. I want to say nah, but there are definitely times

where I'm like winding Torbs up. Yep. And he goes, why are you trying to fuck me off? And he will go like, you know that I'm either like, why are you doing this? Like you know that it's fucking me off. And I go, because I love you. But then I always ease off because I'm like, oh,

I'm probably getting close to the. The point of no return. Yeah. Yeah. See, I'm torn with this. I'm Natalie Imbruglia because when you explained that, I fucking hated you. And then I was like, but I actually do that all the time.

I was literally about to say. This sounds very familiar. You do this to me all the time. Yep. Do you remember very early on in our relationship when I said that you had something in your teeth? And you went, no, I don't. And I was like, oh, no, you do.

It's just here. And you went, no, I don't. And I went, what? Like, I don't get this. Like, you got something in your teeth? And you're like, no, I don't. And I was like, you do. And it just wound me right up.

Like, it just really got in my asshole. Like, it just really fucked me up. It was hilarious. And then it happened again at your house and your wife was there. I was like, oh, you've got something in your teeth. You're like, no, I don't. And I was like, why do you do this? And Bridget from the other room, your wife goes, he thinks he's being funny.

I hate it when you and Bridget are together because you guys are comparing notes on how fucking annoying I am. Because you do all this stuff that I think you only do to me and then I see you do it to Bridget and I go, it's your love language. It's your love language. In fact, all the other love languages, they are unfamiliar. Is it either your love language or are you just actually really not funny and you think it's hilarious? I don't think it has to be one or the other.

I think it's definitely both. It could be my love language and I'm not funny. They can happen at the same time. You think it's so funny. You think it's such good gear and I'm like. So one thing that I love more than anything in the world. Me. As well as Tony is annoying Bridget.

It's the best. Because when I can tell. But she doesn't like, yeah. When she doesn't want to be cuddled or touched or annoyed, nothing in this will make me happier than trying to cuddle her and annoy her and now that she's pregnant and she goes i don't want you near me at the moment i go i'm actually not talking to you i'm talking to my daughter and then i'll sit there with my mouth on her stomach and be like daddy loves you and then bridge is like leave me alone i'm not

talking to you i'm talking to my daughter and then she's like fuck off exactly what you just said and then i'm like oh it's actually not about you. Stop trying to get in between a dad and his daughter. I'm trying to be a good parent. That is so – and I feel bad because you can see Bridget. Dad loves you. You can see Bridget's eyes. It's bad.

It's bad. Here he is. Mum's being mean and a dick, isn't she? Yeah, I know. You're my best friend, not her. Well, you just, Bridget, if you're listening, you're always welcome at our place if you need it. Or you can send Ryan to our house.

I was going to say, if one of us is getting food from the house, it's not Bridget. Peter. Hi, Peter. Torb's middle name is Peter. Really? Yep. Torb's Peter Torbleron. Yeah,'s middle name is Peter. Really? Yep. Torb's Peter Torbleron.

Yeah, it's nice, isn't it? TPT. TPT. What's TPT? TPG. Yeah, I was going to say it rolls off the tongue. Peter asks. Tell your Torbs to roll off the tongue.

We're actually recording at the moment. Just trying it out. It's my love language. Peter asks, putting your toothbrushes through the dishwasher. Fuck off. What? Normal or nah? No.

Nah. Fuck. What? When my wife first suggested it, it weirded me out. But then I thought, well, you put your fork in the dishwasher and you stick that in your mouth, so why not? What's the difference? Um. And then I thought, well, you put your fork in the dishwasher and you stick that in your mouth, so why not? What's the difference? Because I was also like, fuck no.

But then when you read that, you go, well, actually. Is it one of those things that might not be that bad, but it's very unsettling to think about? I am unsettled. You look unsettled. Do you know what really weirds me out? And I know that famously across the internet I'm known as the girl that can't use soap, doesn't know what a toilet is and fucking whatever.

You know something that really freaks me out? When people put like tea towels or anything like that in the washing machine with other stuff. Oh, with clothes. Yeah. Why does it freak you out? because it's covered in food stuff which like your clothes probably are as well but the idea of it being like stuff that you've cleaned in the kitchen with being in with your clothes and torps is like but it's a million degrees in there and there's soap it it's all agitated around, like it's obviously going to get cleaned, it really like turns my stomach.

And so I think the idea of my toothbrush being in with a pot and pan makes me physically ill, like just really upsets me internally. Yeah. The logic when I read that thinks, oh, that's not too bad. You know what I mean? Yeah. And that's coming from someone who ate salmon that was cooked in a dishwasher. And it tasted like it had been in the dishwasher.

Sash asks, normal or nah, holding a piece of folded toilet paper over your butthole when you fart to try and smother the sound. So you're at a friend's house. Yeah. And you, like, got to go to the bathroom. Yeah. We've all been there. We've all been there. And you're kind of like, oh, the bathroom's not that far away from, like,

where everyone is. Yeah. And I'm scared that if I'm going to do number two, it's going to, like. Yeah. A start fart. A start fart. We've discussed this. who it's going to like.

Yeah. A start fart. A start fart. We've discussed this. A friend recently told Sash that she thought it was normal and everyone did it. It's just like a little, you know, it's like the soundproof padding in this podcast video, but a little one for your butthole.

I thought it was really weird, but she claims it was normal. Side note, when I tried it, it didn't work very well at all. Okay. I'm going to say no. You're just sitting there like an idiot who's farting on their own hands. Yeah. Well, that'll stop it. Yeah, oh, there's fart on there.

Yeah. Especially fart with nothing in between. Yeah. Like a bare ass fart. Bare fart. You're going to get pink eye. Make sure you wash your hands after that. Don't stare at it.

We have talked about the start fart. No shame in a fart in the toilet. You're there to do toilet things. I think it's fine. But you know how you make a fart and not make any noise? You spread your cheeks apart. First of all, never say that and use the hand. Yeah, no, you don't need to show me how that.

No, don't. No. Is that true, yes so if you're doing a fart yeah and you pull your like cheeks apart and like open up your asshole like this sorry i can't stop doing the hands please but if you oh um if you do that i've had to put my hands on my head um But if you do that, the fart won't make any noise. It just goes. Are you sure? Do it now.

Do you need a fart? No. Is the sound what you're saying is your butt? No, it's like your ass clapping. Your clinks chapping. But it's like, yeah, the vibration of like your tongue. Because like you've got a little pocket asshole. Like that's what makes the noise. Well, you do have a little pocket asshole. Like that's what makes the noise.

Well, you do have a little pocket asshole. Not you. I'm saying you, the royal you. The collective you. The collective you. Ryan is a royal you. I am. You said the royal you.

I'm like, thank you. No, the collective everybody. You've got a little pocket little asshole. Sorry, I can't stop saying pocket little asshole and I can't stop a Little Asshole. If you just... Sorry, I can't stop saying Puck a Little Asshole and I can't stop doing my head. Okay. This isn't a video episode, but fuck me. I actually can't look at you right now or I'm going to start crying.

That is how you do a part with no noise. I'm not looking at anyone. My hands are on my head. I didn't say Puck a Little Asshole. No more hands on my head. Hi, this is Erin from Queensland and you're listening to the Tony and Ryan podcast. I assumed that when we went into the little music bit in the ad

that the discussion about a certain position... Like a little arsehole? Oh, sorry. ...would have finished. But as you're now learning... Well... And I don't want it to... Okay.

All I want to say is that I think that everybody's arsehole is like... Tight little arsehole. And so of course it's going to like... Like when you do that with your mouth, it does that. Whereas if your mouth is just open, you go... It doesn't do anything. You know what I mean? No, I think I get it.

You get it? The science? Yeah. Try it. Privately, obviously. Try it. But before we... Please thank our champion taffers if they want to be thanked after that

champion when did you get a shout out in the pocket oh just after that just after the puck of the glass hole uh peyton lucas thank you so much um natalie mouse and colin thank you sorry i just can't believe that i've just blacked out and said all those things okay uh yesterday on the show yep we found out that Tony had an issue. So I got into work, realised that a package had been re-returned to me. And you didn't just turn up to work. You arrived in a huff and a puff. Because I saw in the postage app, the Australia Post app,

that it had been re-delivered to Richmond. So I'd been trying to send my two best friends in the whole fucking world in New Zealand. I'd been trying to send them two copies of my book. I want them to have them before anybody else does. And I'd sent it with heaps of time to spare. I bought express shipping. I asked the person at the counter multiple times,

will this go to New Zealand? Is it tracked? Is it expressed? And they assured me many times that despite the fact that it said Inside Australia on the parcel, like on the satchel that she told me to buy, it said Inside Australia. She told me that despite of that, it would go to New Zealand. It would be fine.

You said to me, you should go back to the post office and say, yo, like. I asked very specifically for a service. I paid for it. And why the fuck has it turned up at my office two weeks later? Yeah. Which is 100 metres from here. Yeah. That's the thing.

Like, it just sat in Richmond for a week and a half. Like, my phone number's on the back. Like, they could have just called me. Like, there's just so many options. Anyway. So you were going to go back in there, weren't you? And you were going to tell them what's what. Yeah.

I was like, you know what? Non-con confrontational Tony. This is annoying because I paid a lot of money to send it and it still wasn't the right thing. So yesterday afternoon we were together in the morning and then I was like, cool, now I've got to go to the post office and you guys were like, all right, well, fucking good luck. Did you go in hot?

You said it'll be so easy, like just go in there, explain the situation, like that'll be fine. I Like, just go in there, explain the situation. Like, that'll be fine. I went in there. I lined up in the little line and I got to the front and I was like, hey, I bought this last. And it's covered in stickers on the front like stupid bitch bought the wrong bag. Like, it's fucking really aggressive.

Is that the exact? Yes. The official terminology that the post office said, this puckered little arsehole. This stupid bitch with a puckered little asshole can't send mail. And I'm like holding it up and I was like, last week I came in and I bought this. Was it the same person? No.

Lucky. I was like, I came in and I bought this to go to New Zealand and you guys gave me this bag and it's been returned to me. And she goes, when was it? And I was just like, oh, not last week, the week before? And she goes, what day? And I was like, oh, I don't know. And she goes, well, who was it?

Who served you? And I was like, I actually, I don't know. And it's not actually my job to know? Yeah, and also that's not really like how I began the conversation wasn't like. But is this bitch like she's trying to get you to snitch on someone. It seems like she's got an ax to go on with someone. She's like, give me some evidence so I can fuck this bitch off.

Yeah, because maybe they've had this problem with a few people and they've gone, who is fucking giving these bags out? So was the first response not, I'm so sorry, that sucks? No, it was like, from here? You got this from here? Okay, so she's got her fucking back up. Yeah, and I was just like, I wasn't smiley, but I wasn't rude. I was like, hey, I got this last week.

You were factual. Yeah, exactly. I definitely wasn't rude or lack of abrasive. And she goes, well, we can't give you a refund without the receipt. Is the receipt not the bag? And I was like, oh, I don't want a refund. I want the bag. I want these books to be in new zealand i want the right bag and she goes well that bag doesn't go to new zealand and i was like

and she's like do you have a receipt and i was like no i don't have the receipt but i and she's like well i can't give you a refund like she just kept saying that i was like i actually don't want a refund i want you to give me the right bag i I want these books to go to New Zealand. Like I was saying very calm. And then anyway, so she goes, well, we can't give you a refund. I was like, I don't want that. Please stop saying refund at me. I don't want a refund. I was like, can you just give me the right bag? Implying obviously that I wanted her to just give it to me. I didn't want any money. I just literally wanted her to give me the right thing because it's not the money, it's the time. I've wasted now two weeks of them books not being there, right?

So can I just, in marketing, so I'm doing marketing at uni, right, this subject, and they often talk about like what people really want and it's not often what the company thinks. So you don't want a bag. You want, what you actually want is your books to be in New Zealand. Yeah. And I definitely didn't want a refi. That's what I mean.

It wasn't as if I wanted the fucking $15 bag. I'll get this other bag. You want this bag. I don't want the bag. I don't want the money. I want the books in my friend's fucking hand in New Zealand. Can you make that happen? Is this a post office or not?

Yeah. Fuck, sorry. A post office or a jokes office, basically. Anyway. Should have used that one. Thanks. So she's like. Hopefully I would have got more laughs there than did here.

Get out, producer grandma. Anyway, and she's just like, I was like, I don't want a fucking refund. I just want the right bag. And she goes, okay, cool. Well, any bag will go to New Zealand. Well, actually it fucking won't. And I was like. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. And cool. Well, any bag will go to New Zealand. Well, actually it fucking won't. And I was like. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. And I was like, any bag? And she goes, yep, you just need a customs form. And I was like, any bag will go to New Zealand? Really? Oh. And she goes, yeah, any bag. You pick any bag.

We just put the customs form on the front. And I was like, any bag will go to New Zealand, really? And she goes, yeah. And I go, why didn't this bag go to New Zealand then? Yes, bitch. Yeah, fucking you are. Yes. Yes.

And she goes, oh, well, like it needs a customs form. And I was like, okay, well, last week when I was here, no one mentioned a customs form. No one said anything about that. So, like, I'm not blaming you, but, like, I just need to know. And she goes, oh, oh, this needs to go to New Zealand. And I was like, yeah. And she goes, oh, okay, well, you need to pick up a new bag.

And I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I've bought a bag. I've bought the bag. And was it to directly quote you from 10 fucking seconds ago, any bag goes to New Zealand. Yes. So I was like, no, the bag I've already bought should suffice. It's fine.

Correct? It's actually fine. And she goes, oh, yeah, I guess we can just stick the customs form on front of that. And I was like, yeah, you can. And I picked it up and I walked over and I wrote in my little address. Yep. And then I took it back up to the thing.

And then I was like, cool, so all good. And she goes, oh, well, that'll be $40. And I was like, sorry? No. I was like, sorry sorry you're using the bag that i already had she goes oh well the 40 is for the express postage and i was like i paid 15 or 20 last week yeah for this bag yeah like that's what i paid for the bag right and the bag didn't go anywhere so surely that's like a credit on my account, right? And she goes, well, do you have a receipt?

Show her the fucking app. Fuck this bitch. But I was just like, come on. I've obviously bought it. You know what? This is the equivalent of. I've obviously bought. I'm holding it.

The evidence is here, your honor. Like, I've got it. Could you imagine, right? You go to Cotton On and you buy a t-shirt. Yep. Then three weeks later. This is from Cotton On, actually. So later on today, you walk into Cotton On. Yeah. And they try to charge you for the t-shirt. Yeah. And I weeks later. This is from Cotton On actually. So later on today you walk into Cotton On.

Yeah. And they try to charge you for the t-shirt. Yeah. And I go, well, I've obviously already bought this. I'm fucking wearing it. Yeah. And they go, oh, but you've. It's probably got a hole in it somewhere.

Where's your receipt? Yeah. Where's the proof you bought it from here? Where's the receipt? The tag on the back, dickhead, says fucking Cotton On. Have you flown to New Zealand in that t-shirt? Oh, I couldn't afford to. Any t-shirt will get there.

Any t-shirt. Yeah. Oh, not the one that you bought though. Nah. You have to buy another t-shirt. Obviously. Oh, not the one that you bought, though. No. You have to buy another T-shirt. Obviously. Anyway, so I fill in this fucking customs form. I pay my $40 and I was like, how long will this take?

And she goes, well, it's so hard to say. I'm like, what? What's hard to say? You are the post office. If anybody has anecdotal evidence of how quickly something will get from A to B, it's fucking you. I love that like in the like sales process, it's like if you pay $40, guaranteed within 48 hours.

Then you give them the $40. So 48 hours is not hard to say really. They're like, oh, well, there's really no way of guaranteeing that. Now that you've paid the money, I'll actually break it down for you. We just fucking throw it out of a plane and hope it lands in the country you're aiming for. Well, I mean. We're on the way to the US. It's sort of over the top.

Yeah. Oh, we'll just go through Kentucky, then back down. But like the fact that the first bag that I bought sat in Richmond for a week and a half, I'm like, that's telling me that you're probably not fucking popping it on the DHL plane straight away. You know what I mean? I know where. Because otherwise what the fuck happened to my other one when I only had to go up the road?

My postman could have just dropped it off. Yeah. Your fucking dog could have dropped it off. She's so smart. Pippa. You've told me a lot of times. I know we're going into Brisbane this afternoon to watch Harry Potter. Do we need to make a side trip and just personally fucking

deliver these books? Probably all the fucking money I've sunk into this fucking transportation, it probably end up costing me less to fly to fucking New Zealand and then I get to see my best mates as well. Deliver it straight to them. Are you a shareholder in Australia Post? Not anymore. I've sold all my shit.

The amount of money you've invested in them. Oh, i'm paying the fucking rent of the post office at the vick gardens yeah do you get an invite to the christmas party i've got a business account with them they send me a little hamper or something so it's on the way so they fucking says i'll be watching that like a bloody hawk i'm just like the fact that she would just kept being like any bag. And I was like, really? I was really proud of that. I was really proud of that.

But she's just like, oh, honestly, any bag. That'd be fine. I was like, I don't know what the fuck I want this one. You know what, is it called like enough rope when you're like, I know I've actually got you on the line here, so I'm just going to keep cropping you up. Keep winding you up. You just keep winding it up.

Yeah. Fuck. All right. Hashtag pray for books. But I'm glad that you went in there and you stuck up for yourself. Well, yeah. And like obviously I didn't actually, there was no desired result. I had to pay for the entire new thing.

Oh, so did you have to pay the money? Yeah, she made me pay the money. No, I'd go back again today. Oh, I'm not going back there again. They're probably fucking shitting on all the parcels of mine that are sitting there. Yeah, they're spinning on that. Your photo's in the staff room. Oh, yeah.

Do not serve this bitch. They've got like a post office burn book like in Mean Girls. Absolutely. Now, I know that you are a big Kardashian fan. I am. And you will defend the Kardashians and the Jenners until the cows come home. Yeah.

On the Shameless podcast, they have this thing called a pass basket, like that they have celebrities that they'll always stick up for and the Kardashians are probably mine. They're in your pass basket, like that they have celebrities that they'll always stick up for. And the Kardashians are probably mine. They're in your pass basket. Yeah. So earlier this week, Kendall Jenner posted a bunch of pictures. Yeah. A photo dump.

A photo dump. The kids call it. Yeah. I'm not, yeah. I've done a couple of dumps. I don't mind a dump. They always, I think they go off. Yeah.

You know, the thing that I like about a dump is that it doesn't actually need to be very aesthetically pleasing, but the combination of like many random things makes it like an intro. A complete story. Yeah. Yep. I really like it. Gone are the days of like perfect aesthetics and I fucking am.

Yeah, fuck that off. I'm very glad to see it, as you can imagine. It's love on you too. These shoes. But there is one picture if you slide across in a photo dump, where clearly something has gone wrong and it looks like she, instead of one of her hands, just has like a flap? She, okay.

Like a wing? She doesn't have a wing. But it's obvious that she's Photoshopped another part and when the photo's been stretched or manipulated, the effect has, because, you know, when you stretch something, it's got to come from someplace. Okay, so what do you think, so I'm looking at the photo right now. I couldn't tell.

What do you think that she has stretched for that to happen? Maybe there was something else where her hand was. I think immediately, so when you started talking about this, right, immediately, she's long. She's really tall and long. She's not that tall and long. No, because if you then look at, right, this other photo and you zoom in, her hands are fucking huge. Are you trying to tell me it's not weird?

I don't think it's Photoshopped because there's no bends in the background. You know when sometimes you see a Photoshop fail on fucking Daily Mail or whatever, right? And it's like they've made their waist tiny and it makes like the lines in the background like all warped or whatever. There's no like warp lines behind where she is. That's why I reckon that's definitely not real. It looks fucking strange.

It's possible that there was something. No, I don't think it's Photoshop. Are you joking? Look at this other photo. Her hands are huge. And, like, just because she's a tall person. She's got two wrists. There's a bend in there somewhere.

No, I don't think it's Photoshop at all. Well, a lot of people are saying that she's just missing, it's missing a hand. No, it's not. It's like a little dog's paw on the end of her arm. Like a little claw. It does look like a claw. And anyway, can I, and I don't want to sound like a weird,

creepy dude. And I mean, anytime you say that sentence, it's not going to end well, is it? Yeah. Don't be a dick about this. Yeah. But is it fair to say in that picture the hand is like not the first thing you would notice?

Probably not. You know what I'm saying? Because it's like a hot as fuck photo. She's wearing this tiny little bikini. She's on a balcony. It's beautiful. Beautiful view. She's obviously hot as fuck.

Stunning. And then it wasn't until someone goes, oh, check the comments. And I was like, what do you mean? Yeah. And then I was like, oh, yeah, her hand is fucked. But then I ended up spending a little bit of time in the comment section. Of course. Commenting or reading?

I may have contributed. Ryan. God, you want to keep beautiful women down, don't you? I was actually pumping her up. Do you want me to tell you what I wrote? Yeah. Actually, keep beautiful women down, don't you? I was actually pumping her up. Do you want me to tell you what I wrote? Yeah. Actually, I'll fuck off all the other comments. I'll just do my one.

Okay. Yeah, save the gold. Save the gold. Because it's, in my mind, it's pretty obvious that she's missing a hand in this photo. No, she's not. So I said, people criticise the Jenners for claiming their fortune is self-made. But seriously, Kendall has done this whole thing single-handedly. It is a clever play on words and word comedy is not your strong point.

So I will give you that. What kind of comedy is my strong point? The love languages from the book. Word comedy. Anything using the English language, not your specialty. But you're not punny, really. You're not a play on words kind of guy, generally. Well, I am.

Generally. I do play on words, but that's like... By accident. By mistake. I do see what you've said, and that is funny. Am I sticking up for her there? well no not really well Maria says

this brings a new meaning to a wizard's sleeve Alexis said when I first saw you trying to cut those cucumbers I told you not to use the knife but now look what you've gone and done Carlos said

I thought I was going to be the one with the sore hand after looking at these bikini pictures fuck fucking hell Carlos Carlos said, I thought I was going to be the one with the sore hand after looking at these bikini pictures. Fuck. Fucking hell, Carlos. Breaking, another reboot of A Nightmare of Elvesdreams in the work with Kendall Jenner playing the part of the new Freddy Krueger. Elvesdreams?

That's just something I want to play comedy. Nightmare of Elvesdreams. That's my comedy. Just playing on words. Is that the Christmas version? Just playing on words. Nightmare of Elvesdreams. All right, that's? Just playing on words. Nightmare on Elm Street. All right, that's who you love to see.

Play the music. Play the music. Play the music. What did I say? You said Nightmare of Elm Streams, but it's Nightmare on Elm Street. Yeah, that's the Christmas Spotify version. Yeah, it's very good. I love the Kardashians and the Kar-Jenners as a group.

So poor them. Anyway, poor them. Ridge them. They'll be alright. My love to see it is this post that went a bit viral, of course, from a 7-Eleven in Texas. They put a sign up on their door and it says, We understand that schools are closed and that some families rely

on school lunches because in America you get like a full lunch. Which is really hard to get your head around. Yeah, because we don't have that. Like we have canteens but you have to buy. You have to buy food. Yeah, it's not like included in your fees. And only rich people could buy from the canteen regularly. Yeah.

How often would you stop at the canteen? Never. In primary school, mum used to do a lunch order every second Friday. Yeah. How often would you stop at the canteen? Never. In primary school, mum used to do a lunch order every second Friday. Yeah. But like, as our high school students, we'd never get bought lunch. I reckon in primary school, I may have got a lunch, it's called a lunch order. Yep.

And you'd write it on a little paper bag and then they'd drop it off in a little basket. I reckon I got it four times in seven years. Yeah, right. Or something like, yeah, never. Nah. Yeah, it in seven years or something. Yeah, never. Nah. Yeah, it's not really a thing. Anyway, we understand that schools are closed

and that some families rely on school lunches. Fair enough. So from Monday to Friday, 11am to 12pm, kids 18 and younger can have a slice of pizza, a banana and a Big Gulp on us. Oh, how good's that? Because they were like, oh, we know that. It's a really tough time for people.

And if you're not going to eat because you're not at school at the moment because school holidays or whatever, come in and we'll take care of you. Slice of pizza. So for an hour each day. Yeah. Kids under 18, a slice of pizza, a banana and a Big Gulp. So a drink, a bit of fruit, a bit of pizza. Isn't that fucking adorable?

That's fucking adorable. And 7-Eleven. Usually the big corporates are hard to kind of be flexible and adjust and make rules and stuff. Yeah. Well, it's literally like, I can show you here. They do on dollar coffees over there as well? Oh, no.

What are they doing in Australia? Well, they're probably up the price to take care of the pizza. But it's like a handwritten note that they just put on the front door. Yeah. I thought that's so fucking nice. In Texas. In Texas. Okay. So Tony and I have been doing research. Texas is the greatest place on Earth. Yeah, I thought that's so fucking nice. In Texas. In Texas, yeah. Okay, so Tony and I have been doing research.

Texas is the greatest place I know. Yeah, we want to move to Waco. We're moving to Waco because we want to meet, well, I want to meet. Pip and Joanna. Pip, yeah. Is that what their name is? Chip. Pip.

I said Pip. Chip and Joanna Gaines. Yeah. And also they've got a- Wave pool. A wave pool. So what, I mean, what? Yeah.

And free lunch at 7-Eleven. What does this town, what does this state not have? I know. Why are we living here? They've got everything. Why I love to see it is, obviously, I am the OG lord of recommendations. Everyone knows that in the tarp community. And it's great to see a bunch of tarpers getting together to hang out

and go and see young gravy because I recommended him. It just fills me with pride. It does feel nice. Wouldn't you agree that seeing tapas hanging out with one another and meeting each other? Seeing tapas hanging out was very sweet. It was very nice. So you do agree that I am the OG recommender.

I can confirm Olly Pote is now on the gravy train because of me. I can confirm Hayley Noodle is on the gravy train because of me. Abby Chatfield because of me. Monique DeRoche because of me. Fuck, Abby Chatfield was thrown in there. I don't think that Abby Chatfield has anything to do with you. Go and check out the pictures with her and Young Gravy. Is that because of you?

Yeah. No. I've been recommending him and now everyone's getting all about it. So I just want to say to everyone that you're welcome and I'll continue with the great recommendations. No, that's like me saying, well, I breathe every day and now everyone's doing it. So it must have been me.

That's fucking ridiculous. Well, so you understand that it's the same. You are welcome, everyone. So I hope you have a great time and more great recommendations on the way. So, obviously, you're going to see Young Gravy as well? Or you already saw him? This Saturday, Melbourne.

Yep. Saturday night. Really? Yeah. Oh, are you going? Yep. Are you? Yeah. Can't wait to see photos. I'll come with you if you want. You sure? Yep. Are you? Yeah. Can't wait to see photos. Yeah. No, cool. I'll come with you if you want. You sure? Yep. I won't be taking photos. I'll drive you.

I'll come out and pick you up. Yep. And I'll take you to Young Gravy and I'll wait out the front like a mum. And I'll wait for you to have a great time. Yep. And I'll buy you some maccas on the way home. That sounds like the perfect evening. Yep.

Looking forward to it. You leaving the house, though, is included. So, don't know if that's so perfect for you. Yeah, it might be tough. Tonight, but that's going to happen. Great. Cool. I won't be taking photos because I like to enjoy the moment, though.

You will be. I can take photos for you. You know what I mean? I'll take photos for you. Enjoy it when you're there. I'll take photos for you. What, from out the front? No, I'll come in with you.

I'll buy a ticket. Will you? Yep. Okay. Great. Don't cramp my style in front of my friends. No, that's okay. I'll wait a little bit for that.

Friends that I have and will be coming with me. Yeah, awesome. Looking forward to seeing a bunch of Brisbane tapas tonight. Yes. That's going to be sweet. Merry Christmas, Tony. Thank you. Merry Christmas.

Thank you. Yep, we're going to go and watch Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire tonight in a very quiet cinema in Brisbane. I'm really excited, actually. If I, when you say like no noise and no talking, do you mean just like not much? No, I mean none. Do you want food during the movie? Yep.

You can eat quietly. Can I? I hope so. Otherwise you're getting kicked out. Are we sitting next to each other? Probably not. No. I'm next to each other? Probably not. No. I'm going to be sitting on my own.

I want like a ring of empty chairs around me so that no one can make noise. What's the full cinema? Well, people are getting kicked out. But that's in Brisbane this afternoon. You'll see all the photos. We're really excited. We're going to meet many people. Yeah.

And a video show tomorrow. Yes. So we'll chat to you then. Love you. Bye. Yeah, and a video show tomorrow. Yes. So we'll chat to you then. Love you, bye.